Pools
January 9, 2013 9:38 AM   Subscribe

F**king Cruise Ship (SLYT. Bleeped Cursing.)
posted by Apropos of Something (30 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Kind of eponysterical, really.
posted by Trochanter at 9:41 AM on January 9, 2013


All I could think of was this.


Harold IS pretty awesome.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:45 AM on January 9, 2013


There's a special level of hell that involves going on vacation with someone who views everything through a lens of unfounded negativity. Who knew it could be captured so succinctly on video?
posted by jamaro at 9:46 AM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


fucking-a
posted by Thorzdad at 9:47 AM on January 9, 2013


Obligatory Winnebago Man (non-bleeped cursing, do not listen at work without headphones)
posted by joecacti at 9:48 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


Fucking YouTube
posted by growabrain at 9:48 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


that is too funny!
posted by lampshade at 9:52 AM on January 9, 2013


Waiting for:
FUCKING ICEBERG
posted by Blasdelb at 9:55 AM on January 9, 2013 [6 favorites]


"All I could think of was this."

Indeed, fucking norovirus
posted by Blasdelb at 9:56 AM on January 9, 2013


There's a special level of hell that involves going on vacation with someone who views everything through a lens of unfounded negativity. Who knew it could be captured so succinctly on video?

If you watch his Harold video it seems like he's actually quite enjoying himself.
posted by howling fantods at 10:22 AM on January 9, 2013


I fucking loved my fucking cruise.
posted by Splunge at 10:22 AM on January 9, 2013


I liked the hazardous chemicals.
posted by Chrysostom at 10:28 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


So this is like, David Mamet's vacation video?
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 10:34 AM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think I could enjoy a cruise ship if I was the only person on it. Can someone make that happen?
posted by The Whelk at 10:40 AM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


i imagine a cruise would be great if the ship were empty. i'm with dude, except for me it would just be the f@#cking this and that parts without the nouns they are ascribed to.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 10:48 AM on January 9, 2013


The Whelk: "I think I could enjoy a cruise ship if I was the only person on it. Can someone make that happen?"

Michael Jackson in Disneyland / Don't have to share it with nobody else
posted by Chrysostom at 10:51 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


The thought of being locked on a stomach-virus-laden ship I CANNOT ESCAPE UNTIL IT DOCKS, filled with people one doesn't know and cannot avoid, is one of the most dreadful ways I can imagine to spend a vacation. And I'm American, so we get precious little of it to start with (when we get any), so I don't dare piss it away.

Plus, if you get murdered or raped, you're in Liberian jurisdiction or wherever the boat is registered. Good luck finding the culprit or any semblance of justice.

And I have a friend who worked on a cruise ship as an acupuncturist. According to him, the REAL party is backstage in the crew bar, not out with the fucking tourists. So already you're paying for the second-rate experience.

I admit. I have a particularly shitty attitude towards cruise lines. Never been on one, don't dare risk it lest I become the asshole who could have stayed home and now is pissing on everyone else's parade. But it just seems like the absolute worst situation to find oneself in.

I guarantee you, that guy in the video didn't come up with the idea of a cruise. His wife (or whomever) squee'd themself at the idea and he's been dragged along. I bet he wanted to go hiking and camping or something, and now he's stuck on the good ship Intestinal Distress having to suck it up for the person he cares about.

Notice how he never has a partner in the videos. His SO is off enjoying themself, and this is a private form of therapy, getting all the bile and wrath out on camera so he can go back and smile while his partner is around.

Though he does score douchebag points for hating on the Harold karaoke singer. Pick a fucking song, grab the fucking mic, sing for the fucking crowd, THEN offer an opinion, motherfucker.

If you ain't ever got up on stage with a mic, shut your fucking grease-hole and move on to how it sucks having strangers ASSIGNED to your dinner table for a week, horrors like that.

I hope this dickwad, sympathetic as I am to his situation, shat himself unconscious with a gut stuffed with norovirus for that one anti-karaoke douche move.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:52 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Walking through, say, a mall, and saying fuckin' this and fuckin' that is one thing, but this guy payed multiple thousands of dollars to be where he is. It makes this less fun.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:10 AM on January 9, 2013


I had the same thought, benito.strauss. I know some folks who could pay off some bills with the money spent to put that guy on his fuckin' cruise.
posted by kinnakeet at 11:33 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think I'm having the entirely wrong response to this because all I can think of is man, I really want to go on a cruise some time soon...
(It's way easier to pretend you're the only person on the ship than you might think it is. Or at least it was for me, but I was on a ship that didn't have assigned dinners, so that might have something to do with it.)
posted by zorrine at 11:36 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Seems like the idea for this video could have been derived from this: I Hate LA
posted by jca at 11:39 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have been on a cruise or two, and I love it. Let me count the ways:
-forced disconnection from the Internet and things I spend way too much time staring at
-work cannot contact me with stupid problems they're too unmotivated to fix
-the food can be mediocre, but it's plentiful, and it feels decadent because it includes things I don't usually indulge in, like dessert at every meal, scallops, lobster, room service...
-beautiful, peaceful water everywhere
-reconnecting with my husband in social seclusion (people everywhere, but because we aren't friends with them there's no expectation to socialize)
-my bed gets made every day
-all the essentials are included
posted by Night_owl at 11:59 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think I could enjoy a cruise ship if The Whelk was the only person on it. Can someone make that happen?

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey: "I guarantee you, that guy in the video didn't come up with the idea of a cruise. His wife (or whomever) squee'd themself at the idea and he's been dragged along. I bet he wanted to go hiking and camping or something, and now he's stuck on the good ship Intestinal Distress having to suck it up for the person he cares about."

The other videos say that he went with his in-laws and wife for the formers' 50th anniversary. He also seems to like Hawaii once they get there. He and his wife seem to have some Hawaii experience, so he's probably on board for that.

I really didn't mean to post something that's being a poor sport for poor sports' sake. I thought the video was funny because it kind of highlights the absurdity of some elements of a cruise: a million pools, a million places to eat, like all these elements of ordinary life shoved into a very tiny space.
posted by Apropos of Something at 12:08 PM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Kottke/MeFi feedback loop is thriving.
posted by davebush at 12:27 PM on January 9, 2013


Congress passed The Cruise Vessel Safety and Security Act of 2010 that mandated that crimes like rape, assault, etc. that occur aboard cruise ships that dock at US ports be reported to the FBI. This is because there's so much of it going on, and only US-flagged ships had ANY reporting requirements. Hence all the Liberian-registered ships (also taxes, but that's a separate issue).

Thing is, the FBI (who are supposed to be collecting this info so that people can make judgements about the riskiness of a cruise vacation), got language inserted into the bill that guts the reporting requirements, then went on to interpret the rules in a way that ends up with fewer crimes aboard ships being reported than are actually happening in the real world.

This is a gift to the Cruise Industry Lobby, seemingly from the FBI. Or from interests that have enough juice to get the FBI to do this.

Because if tourists actually knew how much rape, assault, and robbery were actually going on aboard cruise ships vs what's being reported, they might reconsider spending all that money.

I am a pot-smoking, cafe-au-lait toned Californian by way of NYC, and I will go to TEXAS for vacation before I get on a cruise ship.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 1:43 PM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


Though he does score douchebag points for hating on the Harold karaoke singer. Pick a fucking song, grab the fucking mic, sing for the fucking crowd, THEN offer an opinion, motherfucker.

If you ain't ever got up on stage with a mic, shut your fucking grease-hole and move on to how it sucks having strangers ASSIGNED to your dinner table for a week, horrors like that.

I hope this dickwad, sympathetic as I am to his situation, shat himself unconscious with a gut stuffed with norovirus for that one anti-karaoke douche move.


Actually, per the Harold video that howling fantods posted, he does get up and sing, and is in the top 6 finalists along with Harold, and seems to genuinely like the guy.
posted by misskaz at 2:32 PM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


Okay, douchebag accusation retracted.

Still never getting on one of those floating-black-holes-of-rape-reporting.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 2:46 PM on January 9, 2013


I don't get the sense he's unhappy on this trip. It seems like he trying to be ironic. Those pools look awesome.
posted by anthropoid at 7:41 PM on January 9, 2013


I'm on a boat!
I'm on a boat!
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat!
posted by yoHighness at 1:13 PM on January 10, 2013


Now he's in Las Vegas.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:12 AM on January 12, 2013


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