Unreleased Celebrity Fragrances
January 11, 2013 12:50 PM Subscribe
Orbach's scent should have a hint of Dewar's as well.
posted by vespabelle at 12:55 PM on January 11, 2013
posted by vespabelle at 12:55 PM on January 11, 2013
Oooh can we do our own?
Desperation by Ann Coulter: A Pond's age-defying base infused with notes of formaldehyde, bleach and cold sweat, stirred with a live stick insect and applied after having a two-olive martini emptied on your head by an NRA lobbyist intern.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:10 PM on January 11, 2013 [6 favorites]
Desperation by Ann Coulter: A Pond's age-defying base infused with notes of formaldehyde, bleach and cold sweat, stirred with a live stick insect and applied after having a two-olive martini emptied on your head by an NRA lobbyist intern.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:10 PM on January 11, 2013 [6 favorites]
Ohh, missing from that list: Shatner's "Prime Directive"- which should smell like space!
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 1:11 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Phyllis Harmonic at 1:11 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Smug Tangent by Tucker Carlson: Notes of stale frat-house carpet and airless think tank accent a deep enduring base of rank privilege. The exact scent of a limp high five. Sold only after its best-before date.
Flattened by Thomas Friedman: A blend of exotic stale sandalwood and imitation frankinsense, aerated in a developing world taxi and aged in Lufthansa's business-class compartment. Suitable for Davos summits or as a substitute for ether in minor day surgery.
(Note: Smug Tangent and Flattened are available together in a boxed "Fair and Balanced" set, exclusively from SkyMall.)
posted by gompa at 1:23 PM on January 11, 2013 [7 favorites]
Flattened by Thomas Friedman: A blend of exotic stale sandalwood and imitation frankinsense, aerated in a developing world taxi and aged in Lufthansa's business-class compartment. Suitable for Davos summits or as a substitute for ether in minor day surgery.
(Note: Smug Tangent and Flattened are available together in a boxed "Fair and Balanced" set, exclusively from SkyMall.)
posted by gompa at 1:23 PM on January 11, 2013 [7 favorites]
This is fun.
Xenu Spacecraft by Tom Cruise: A striking blend of unsalted butter and Axe bodyspray applied liberally to a volleyball and rubbed on your shaved chest by a 25-year-old Val Kilmer in a lizard suit. Subtle afternotes of jet fuel and pumice.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:24 PM on January 11, 2013 [7 favorites]
Xenu Spacecraft by Tom Cruise: A striking blend of unsalted butter and Axe bodyspray applied liberally to a volleyball and rubbed on your shaved chest by a 25-year-old Val Kilmer in a lizard suit. Subtle afternotes of jet fuel and pumice.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:24 PM on January 11, 2013 [7 favorites]
Transformer, by Lou Reed: A heady mix of clown-white, eye-liner, sweat, and leather above a base redolent of wood pulp, bananas, and silk. Smells intensely of David Bowie, but only once every thirty years.
posted by rmxwl at 1:24 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by rmxwl at 1:24 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
All-One, by Dr. Bronner: A bracing melange of coconut, olive, hemp, and peppermint, folded inside a bright, delightful coating of batshit, hope, and Eternal Father Eternally One. Purple monkey dishwasher.
posted by rmxwl at 1:34 PM on January 11, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by rmxwl at 1:34 PM on January 11, 2013 [10 favorites]
Metal Machine Music, also by Lou Reed: Thumbtacks. Just a bottle full of thumbtacks.
posted by griphus at 1:41 PM on January 11, 2013 [14 favorites]
posted by griphus at 1:41 PM on January 11, 2013 [14 favorites]
Tears of a Clown, by Jerry Lewis: A dominant note of massive ambition gone to seed gives way to ashes, misgivings, dust, and regret. The true scent of the fragrance is either strikingly perfect or debilitatingly vile, but we can never know for sure until everyone involved in its production is dead.
posted by rmxwl at 1:49 PM on January 11, 2013
posted by rmxwl at 1:49 PM on January 11, 2013
Some of these sound unbelievably close to actual scent descriptions over on the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab site.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:57 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:57 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Ohh, missing from that list: Shatner's "Prime Directive"- which should smell like space!
I though for sure that was an actual released product, but alas, no.
They've had Tiberius, Pon Farr, Red Shirt, Shirtless Kirk, and Sulu Pour Homme Excelsior!, but no Prime Directive scent yet.
Maybe they'll put one out with the marketing push for the new film. The Kirk themed ones are apparently hot sellers since Amazon doesn't even have any in stock any more.
posted by radwolf76 at 2:03 PM on January 11, 2013
I though for sure that was an actual released product, but alas, no.
They've had Tiberius, Pon Farr, Red Shirt, Shirtless Kirk, and Sulu Pour Homme Excelsior!, but no Prime Directive scent yet.
Maybe they'll put one out with the marketing push for the new film. The Kirk themed ones are apparently hot sellers since Amazon doesn't even have any in stock any more.
posted by radwolf76 at 2:03 PM on January 11, 2013
TekFume
posted by griphus at 2:05 PM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by griphus at 2:05 PM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]
OHSnap: "I miss Jerry Orbach..."
Don't we all?
posted by Samizdata at 9:57 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
Don't we all?
posted by Samizdata at 9:57 PM on January 11, 2013 [1 favorite]
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posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:52 PM on January 11, 2013 [2 favorites]