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February 8, 2013 12:04 PM   Subscribe

"John, can you explain to me why the sprinkles are empty?"
[SLYT. Trigger warning: cuteness, small child.]
posted by Countess Elena (97 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
I am not a parent so can someone please explain to me the thought process behind filming this? She is going to confront her child about lying, so she decides ahead of time to film it in case it's YouTube-worthy?
posted by desjardins at 12:10 PM on February 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


"They're not empty."

He's not wrong.
posted by saturday_morning at 12:12 PM on February 8, 2013 [20 favorites]


It looks to me like she brought out the camera shortly after it became clear he was going to stick to his lie. Also three-year olds are at the age where they [NOT KIDDIST] start to lie to explore boundaries.

The cuteness is probably just a bonus.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 12:12 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


This mother is planning her parental revenge, it's a decades long process. Always go for the long game.

Also, parents tend to love this shit, as they are going through it themselves, it makes the whole process you're dealing with with your own kid feel normal.

Know your enemy parents.
posted by iamabot at 12:13 PM on February 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


Yet another reason I choose not to breed. Do I really want to be Leon Jaworski to my child's H.R. Haldeman over stupid things like missing sprinkles every fifteen goddamn minutes?
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 12:16 PM on February 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


If pressed, he would probably say that "Sprinkles aren't really a snack."

My appreciation for such things is why I am not a parent. I can't even discipline the cats if their misbehavior impresses me.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:18 PM on February 8, 2013 [11 favorites]


I don't know, you see a toddler with sprinkle-boogers all over his face, I think you can anticipate that confronting him about it is going to have good video potential.
posted by padraigin at 12:19 PM on February 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


"They're not empty."

He's not wrong.


Also, sprinkles are not really a "snack" per se. So answering no to "did you eat a snack?" isn't really a lie.

And the question "did you eat those sprinkles?" is confusing. Which sprinkles? You mean the ones in that jar that you are claiming is empty?

You'll notice he is careful to say "No, I did not eat those sprinkles" as in "of course I didn't eat those sprinkles--they are right there!"

I deal with the same stuff from my 4 y.o. and even at that age, they have realized that "deny everything, deny everything, deny everything" is a very effective defense. When you see 40-year-olds getting away it too, how can you blame them?

Do I really want to be Leon Jaworski to my child's H.R. Haldeman over stupid things like missing sprinkles every fifteen goddamn minutes?

Yeah, I thought the badgering and the posting to YouTube (replete with 15-second ad) was a bit much. I'd say, "I told you not to eat the fucking sprinkles. Don't do it!" I raise my voice a hemi-quaver and my kids are scared straight.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2013 [15 favorites]


I am a parent. (I am not your parent. Or at least, I had better not be, because you are not allowed to read Metafilter, kid.)

She did filmed this because, as it turns out, about 50% of parenting a preschooler is pretending to be a source of serious moral guidance while internally laughing your ass off at your kid. And the other 50% is trying not to cry at the wanton destruction you witness daily. And sometimes, the only way to contain the laughter / tears is to save the story to share with someone else who has Been There and Done That.
posted by BlueJae at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2013 [62 favorites]


Do I really want to be Leon Jaworski to my child's H.R. Haldeman over stupid things like missing sprinkles every fifteen goddamn minutes?

Probably not, but then I know plenty of people with kids whose parenting does not involve leaving all kinds of shit food out on the kitchen counters, badgering the kid endlessly when the child succumbs to the lure of crack-like sugar products, and then taping the whole humiliating badgering session to upload for the rest of the world to see and LOL at.

In my day it was considered a little cruel to show folks polaroids of kids in the bathtub to embarrass them when they got older. I've been seeing a lot of YT clips of parents filming their kids like this, making them cry, scaring them, and so on -- orders of magnitude more cruel and self-indulgent. The thinking seems to be, "Because my kid inconveniences me by existing, I have the right to be a shit to him and humiliate him in front of the world as revenge." Sad.
posted by aught at 12:23 PM on February 8, 2013 [24 favorites]


Did that little guy have fillings in his molars? Is that a thing now? When we had kids, drilling and filling on a three-year-old was unheard of.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:23 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is an important process that kids go through, the development of their own little epistemology: what do other people know? when can I know something that another person (like Mom, the Omniscient) does not? John is completely oblivious to the sprinkles all over his face and, if you asked him, would probably think that being sprinkle-faced is a perfectly normal state for any well-rounded person that could arise from any number of innocuous activities, certainly not limited to eating fistfuls of sprinkles straight out of the jar. John is astounded that Mom the Omniscient is so insistent that any sprinkle-eating has happened, despite that there is no evidence that remains.

Mom has decided to film this because it has happened once a week since autumn. That's okay --- epistemology is hard. People still work on it in college, for crying out loud.

That said, the text about "telling stories" had me all primed for an explanation of how the Sprinkle Monster needed the sprinkles to fuel his helicopter, and the red ones are the best, but ---gulp--- a mouthful of green ones wouldn't hurt either. Instead John's reaction is just "how does she know I wish she would stop looking at me how does she know stop looking at me"
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 12:24 PM on February 8, 2013 [17 favorites]


Did that little guy have fillings in his molars?

I noticed that too. Maybe someone should badger his mother about not teaching her kid to brush his teeth properly, and then upload THAT badgering session to YT.
posted by aught at 12:25 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm looking forward to having kids so I can blame them when my wife asks me "Why are the sprinkles empty?". Finally, a scapegoat!
posted by blue_beetle at 12:27 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Okay! I admit it! I ate the sprinkles, and that little kid took the fall for me!
posted by aubilenon at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Kid has to get his shit together, learn how to cover his tracks better.

That is why I'm not a parent, I'd be like "I'm not mad that you ate the sprinkles, I'm just disappointed you didn't get away with it"
posted by Ad hominem at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


It's not fillings. She mentions the spots on the teeth in her comments. He'd just eaten breakfast, and the bits of it were still in his mouth cause he hadn't brushed before Sprinklegate. It's OK. :)
posted by mochapickle at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Those aren't fillings in his teeth, it's sprinkle detritus.
posted by msali at 12:29 PM on February 8, 2013


Relevent Ask: Why are baby animals cuter than baby humans?
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:30 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Fucking lawyers. Born and not made.
posted by jph at 12:31 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


The real shame here is that sprinkles are not, in fact, that good. I remember being a kid who wanted to thieve some extra sprinkles. It was a disappointment, and not worth the risk. Possibly sprinkle technology has improved since I was young.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:31 PM on February 8, 2013 [9 favorites]


Aw man that was awesome. I really can't wait until our current 2-yr old reaches this point. The whole "lying is bad" thing is total nonsense, btw, and everybody knows it. Learning how to properly navigate that social boundary is a huge, important step in development. Nice job, kid, keep it up.
posted by odinsdream at 12:32 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


I am named Jon, and I am feeling very guilty right now.

And a little bit ripped-off-by-proxy, because sprinkles look like candy, but they really don't taste that sweet. Kid, I'm telling you, there's probably a box of sugar cubes in the cupboard, for when Grandma comes to visit. They don't get checked that often, and it's one of the best ways to ride the white horse pony.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:33 PM on February 8, 2013 [21 favorites]


Probably not, but then I know plenty of people with kids whose parenting does not involve leaving all kinds of shit food out on the kitchen counters, badgering the kid endlessly when the child succumbs to the lure of crack-like sugar products, and then taping the whole humiliating badgering session to upload for the rest of the world to see and LOL at.

In my day it was considered a little cruel to show folks polaroids of kids in the bathtub to embarrass them when they got older. I've been seeing a lot of YT clips of parents filming their kids like this, making them cry, scaring them, and so on -- orders of magnitude more cruel and self-indulgent. The thinking seems to be, "Because my kid inconveniences me by existing, I have the right to be a shit to him and humiliate him in front of the world as revenge." Sad.


Also this.
posted by odinsdream at 12:33 PM on February 8, 2013


Hi, Elena.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:34 PM on February 8, 2013


He should be wearing a yellow jersey.
posted by davebush at 12:34 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


And a little bit ripped-off-by-proxy, because sprinkles look like candy, but they really don't taste that sweet. Kid, I'm telling you, there's probably a box of sugar cubes in the cupboard, for when Grandma comes to visit. They don't get checked that often, and it's one of the best ways to ride the white horse.

I think it's harsh to assume that Grandma is a horse.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:34 PM on February 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


Sorry, Bulgaroktonos, I abused the edit feature to change "horse" to "pony" just before you posted. Man, I'm in trouble today.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:37 PM on February 8, 2013


I was mostly joking about the idea that you keep sugar cubes around for Grandma.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:38 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Behold a white horse, and her name was Nana, and hell followed her.
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:40 PM on February 8, 2013 [25 favorites]


c.f. My son's 2005 work, I don't know how these tissues got out of their box, or why.
posted by BlueJae at 12:42 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


"I object to this line of questioning your honor!"

-John in about 35 years!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:42 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Kid needs a metafilter account.

"How does one go about hiding the sprinkles? I am writing a book." post be somekid at 2:39 PM on February 8
posted by cjorgensen at 12:43 PM on February 8, 2013 [10 favorites]


I was mostly joking about the idea that you keep sugar cubes around for Grandma.

But we did. Or my parents did. Although Grandma was actually Bubbe. It's a thing Jews of that generation did, along with others.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:44 PM on February 8, 2013


Anyone else impressed by the words he chose to use? "I did not" instead of "I didn't" or "uh uh"
posted by royalsong at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I assume Sprinklegate is preferred to Tinklegate.
posted by desjardins at 12:46 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Possibly sprinkle technology has improved since I was young.

They have not. I cannot tell you exactly how recently I have eaten a bunch of sprinkles due to lack of anything sweet to eat in the apartment. But it was pretty damn recent.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:47 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


...and the footage cuts out right before the mother beats the holy hell out of her son...
posted by QueerAngel28 at 12:50 PM on February 8, 2013


This seems to be a common theme among folks who breed. My sister relayed this gem the other day:

Mom: Today would have been Duke (the dog's) birthday.
Kid: It's still Duke's birthday, just nobody's coming to the party.

Your kid surprises you with his/her precociousness and you must share this with others, like a really good Daily Show segment.
posted by Sophie1 at 12:53 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm not a parent, but I don't 'hate kids' either, but the more you see stuff like this, the more I come to appreciate good parents, because this shit is cute coming from a toddler, but some people never actually grow out of it., or are taught not to be that way.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 12:53 PM on February 8, 2013


"deny everything, deny everything, deny everything" is a very effective defense.


I did not have sex eat those sprinkles.

What might work at three does not necessarily work later in life.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:54 PM on February 8, 2013


I love his line "well they are not empty"
posted by robbyrobs at 12:55 PM on February 8, 2013


At least sprinkles are better than dragées. Given a choice between nice colorful sprinkles and sinister looking silver balls I would eat the hell out of some sprinkles.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:55 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am not a parent so can someone please explain to me the thought process behind filming this? She is going to confront her child about lying, so she decides ahead of time to film it in case it's YouTube-worthy?

I WISH my parents had taken more videos like this of my brother and me when we were kids. We were fucking adorable, and I was amazing at talking my way out of stuff and hiding the evidence. (My brother would be the one with the frosting smeared all over his face saying what cake I don't know what you're talking about.) Unfortunately, most of our home movies are camcordered piano recitals and other really boring stuff.

I pull out the camera every time my dog even blinks just in case he does something weird, and he doesn't even talk. My future kids are doomed.
posted by phunniemee at 12:55 PM on February 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


It always strikes me how much of growing up is just figuring out other people exist.
posted by The Whelk at 12:56 PM on February 8, 2013 [18 favorites]


that kid TOTALLY ate those sprinkles.
posted by andreapandrea at 12:56 PM on February 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


This child should be made an example of by being drug out into the street and placed into public stocks. The public will then decide what punishment is appropriate for the thief, be it a severe pelting with rotten fruit, some type of humiliation by a grade-z 'comedian' such as Daniel Tosh, or a fate too brutal to be mentioned in this space. No matter what ends up being carried out, while the child is in the stocks each and every one of his beloved stuffed animals needs to be ripped apart by a pair of angry (and hungry) Rottweiler while he looks on.
posted by item at 12:57 PM on February 8, 2013


Dad, is that you?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:59 PM on February 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


In other words, this youtube video is entirely too harsh - and permanent - for the crime committed, and instead my above suggestions of punishments should instead be carried out on the parents that posted this bullshit.
posted by item at 1:00 PM on February 8, 2013


When questioned, the mother said, "No, I did not make a video of my son Jon. No such video exists. There was never an interrogation about sprinkles."
posted by Longtime Listener at 1:06 PM on February 8, 2013


I would be totally weirded out if my childhood antics were on the Internet for all eternity.
posted by desjardins at 1:08 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


item, I don't think it was harsh. The mother maintains an even tone, and speaks respectfully to her child. The child's behavior is not at all atypical for his age. It is developmentally appropriate. It is also appropriate for the child to learn that, while lying seems like a magic cure-all when first discovered, it can lead to further trouble. It probably just struck the mom as funny because the kid has sprinkles all over his face but hasn't figured out that mom can put 2 and 2 together.
posted by Mister_A at 1:09 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Poor kid KNOWS he has sprinkles on his face and he is really trying to lick them off before mommy notices. Next time, sprinkle some around the baby, little guy.
posted by orme at 1:09 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


The thinking seems to be, "Because my kid inconveniences me by existing, I have the right to be a shit to him and humiliate him in front of the world as revenge." Sad.

QFT. That really rustles my jimmies.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 1:10 PM on February 8, 2013


The thinking seems to be, "Because my kid inconveniences me by existing, I have the right to be a shit to him and humiliate him in front of the world as revenge."

It has been ever thus. YouTube is merely the latest incarnation.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:17 PM on February 8, 2013


Yeah, well, pretty soon he will dig into that omni-present bottle of silver BBs that some evil confectionery villain invented and that will end his foraging in the baking and cookie decorating area of the drawer.

But if my experience is any guide, that will also be the approximate age when you discover that the baking soda and the vinegar can make a volcano and so begins a whole new chapter pillaging the same cupboard.
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 1:17 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


I don't understand why people think this a humiliating punishment. It's a cute, funny video of a little kid. What's the big deal? Is this supposed to, like, affect his future job prospects?
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:21 PM on February 8, 2013 [13 favorites]


I think this thread needs to be smushed together with the parental lies discussion in this thread.

On preview: it's going on his Permanent Record, showbiz_liz. His PERMANENT RECORD!
posted by maudlin at 1:24 PM on February 8, 2013


I didn't really see the humiliation of the kid, either. I certainly didn't see a parent who resented their kid for existing. I saw a parent who thought something would be cute and video taped it. You can disagree with that choice (it's not the choice I would make), but I think you need more before you assume they have a bad motive for doing it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:25 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think that this video is a perfect test for whether or not one should have children. Because while many looked at this video and awwed at the cuteness*, and others looked at this video and didn't allow the cuteness to keep them from snarking over various aspects of the mom's parenting style, I watched this video in a state of increasing rage that that little asshole would lie to that poor woman's face, and then double down on it.

And I get that that is totally a normal phase that kids go through, and I was probably as bad or worse, but I just cannot see myself dealing with that kind of connivingness on a regular basis from a person to whom I gave life and whose needs I am responsible for. At least dogs know when they've been bad dogs and should feel bad.

More power to you, parents. I am glad you are not me.

*that is a really cute kid.
posted by sparklemotion at 1:25 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


But if my experience is any guide, that will also be the approximate age when you discover that the baking soda and the vinegar can make a volcano and so begins a whole new chapter pillaging the same cupboard.


You just made me spit out my coffee with laughter.

I clearly remember my sister and my friend using up all the baking soda, vinegar and red food coloring from our respective houses to make our sand volcano blow up. Then a couple of weeks later when the volcano was long forgotten my Mom asking us if we knew why she couldn't find any baking soda.

"Uh I dunno Mom."

"You sure?," she asked with a raised eyebrow.

This went back and forth for a bit until she asked us if we were positive that we didn't use it for something like say making a volcano.

I remember being absolutely astounded. HOW DID SHE KNOW IT WAS LIKE A LAST WEEK!

My Mom was smart.
posted by Jalliah at 1:26 PM on February 8, 2013 [8 favorites]


Here's how this would have gone down when I was a kid:

"Jack! You ate the sprinkles!"

"No I didn't."

*WHACK*

"Don't you ever lie to me! Go to your room, no tea for you!"

I honestly think I'm a better person for being treated this way as a child. An unfashionable view, I know.
posted by Decani at 1:33 PM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


At least sprinkles are better than dragées.

And less addictive.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:34 PM on February 8, 2013


Where I come from, that, right there, is a spanking. Yessir.
posted by valkyryn at 2:11 PM on February 8, 2013


Trigger Warning doesn't mean what you think it means.
posted by lazaruslong at 2:57 PM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


I had a moment like this with my step-son when he was about 7. "I'm putting the cookies UP now, because you have had more than enough, ok?" Up, being the top shelf in the pantry, about 6 feet high.

I walk in the kitchen an hour later, & there's a chair in the pantry, with the empty cookie can sitting open on it. "DID YOU EAT THE COOKIES??"

"No."

I at least hoped he'd eventually get better at covering his tracks, but instead, he just decided he didn't give a crap about consequences, did what he wanted anyway, & stoically took his lumps later. I tell ya, that kid wore me down. Parenting is not for the weak.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:03 PM on February 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


I know plenty of people with kids whose parenting does not involve leaving all kinds of shit food out on the kitchen counters...

This. John is only partially culpable. Hell, he's not even primarily culpable.
posted by vverse23 at 3:26 PM on February 8, 2013


John is only partially culpable. Hell, he's not even primarily culpable.

Is he culpable for the resulting lack of sprinkles? Yeah, okay, probably not. Mom wants sprinkles, mom needs to put sprinkles somewhere else.

Is he culpable for disobeying mommy? Oh yeah. Definitely.
posted by valkyryn at 3:28 PM on February 8, 2013


I'm looking forward to having kids so I can blame them when my wife asks me "Why are the sprinkles empty?". Finally, a scapegoat!

Oh, man. Using your kids as an excuse (UH OH FEVER!) for avoiding responsibilities is one of the few perks of parenthood. The sky is the limit. USE THEM.

I walk in the kitchen an hour later, & there's a chair in the pantry, with the empty cookie can sitting open on it. "DID YOU EAT THE COOKIES??"

"No."


What's most interesting to me is how hard it is (was) for my kids to lie when they were very young. They wanted so hard to please and give the right answer, even if they knew they had done wrong. They might pout and try to look sad, but they couldn't lie.

That goes away sometime 3-4. Sigh. I still don't even want to think about 13.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:29 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


The kid is fucking adorable, but put me in the why film this camp.
I'd love to know what John is taking away from this parenting moment as his mom confronts him with her phone in his face, taking video of him.
How awesome that she has ads on the video too. Why not make some cash!

Also, who has not one, but several enormous, oxygen-tank-sized vessels of sprinkles on their countertop? Jesus. In my house we'd just have a dusty old box of those unsweetened Baker's squares buried in the back of a cupboard, and we'd surreptitiously dig them out when my mom wasn't around and we were jonesing for a hit of chocolate. Inevitably we'd take a bite out of a square because it smelled so awesome, then immediately spit it out the vile, bitter substance in disappointment. But we'd always come back to those square, wax paper-wrapped, unsweetened temptresses. I swear, by the time that ratty old box was thrown out it was full of sloppily re-wrapped squares, covered with bite-marks.
posted by chococat at 3:39 PM on February 8, 2013 [7 favorites]


"Mom! Mom! Come quick! I fell face first into the sprinkle jar and now they are everywhere! I accidentally swallowed some. Am I going to get sick?"

The best defense is a good offense. Denial is standard criminal 101. Proactively creating a story about what they are going to discover and think is all wrong is criminal 535 level.

I think the issue is not so much the filming of it, but the posting of it for all to see. This should be in a private account for the family. Maybe even grandma and grandpa. Randoms like me on internet? Not so much.

I am rarely willing to convict on circumstantial evidence. Free Jon!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 3:48 PM on February 8, 2013 [6 favorites]


Ad hominem: "At least sprinkles are better than dragées."

YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH
posted by scrump at 3:53 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


TIL: those edible bb's are called dragées. And also (thanks Wikipedia!):
1. that other things including Jordan Almonds and M&M's are also considered dragées
2. that Jordan Almonds are also known as confetti (WTF?)
3. and that the FDA considers the silver bb's inedible.

Also that kid is adorable and as a parent I can totally see the temptation to film that conversation.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:13 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Proactively creating a story about what they are going to discover and think is all wrong is criminal 535 level

Well said and so true.
Like Ralphie in Christmas Story when he shoots his gun and breaks his glasses and decides to cry and say an icicle fell off the house and hit him.

My dad used to work for GM and he would get these awesome cars to drive for a month or whatever. One time when I was 17 I borrowed the car to go to a friend's and it was this amazing Cadillac with a great stereo system. This was during prime late-1980's mixtape years, and on the drive home I was blasting my music, smoking a cigarette (with all the windows down), singing at the top of my lungs with my hair blowing in the summer breeze...and I tossed my butt out the window and it did that thing where it blew right back into the back window and landed on the backseat; a scary smouldering orange ember.
SHIT SHIT SHIT and I pulled the car over and grabbed the butt off the seat where it had melted an ugly, telltale blemish on the leather upholstery. FUCK.
I had to calm myself down for a few minute because it seemed like I was completely screwed. They didn't even know I smoked, which would be huge. Smoking in my Dad's fancy car and then wrecking the seat would be massive.

Instead of concocting an elaborate story, I went with a more considered, nonchalant approach. When I got home and went to say goodnight to my parents in their room, I affected a concerned demeanor, and told my Dad that I noticed there was a mark on the backseat of the car, "almost like a burn." How odd! How could that get there?
Totally slimy and I don't know if he bought it for a second but I didn't end up getting in trouble.
posted by chococat at 4:43 PM on February 8, 2013


YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH

That aint filth, its sprinkle crumbs!

actually cavities
posted by Ad hominem at 4:53 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


That video made me uncomfortable. You know your kid took the sprinkles, why do you keep asking him? Repeatedly asking him about it gives him more opportunities to lie. Doesn't seem like behavior you want to reinforce and encourage.
posted by mokin at 4:56 PM on February 8, 2013 [3 favorites]


Some people don't really realize what public means. All her previous videos have like 100 views.

Recently there was a guy with a youtube channel he used for posting videos of things he was selling on ebay. They only had a handful of views. He posted a video soliciting a woman from a dating site for a threeway with him and his girlfriend, needless to say it went viral and got several hundred thousand views.

People will find anything you put up there, don't know how they do it.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:00 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


I watched this with mixed emotions, charmed as hell and enjoying my few seconds with a three year old, but then becoming sad and bitterly resentful at the tremendous whippings I got for lying to my mother and/or stealing food.

Fuck. I'm 55. You'd think I'd be over it by now.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:15 PM on February 8, 2013 [4 favorites]


Well, if I had any remaining impulse to have kids, this video snuffed it out. I'm not sure how anybody can find this cute, give me vomit or poo or unending crying over this! I also do not appreciate other people's eagerly voiced judginess when it comes to child-rearing. Discussion of any aspect of parenting turns people into experts that will remorselessly share their irrefutable opinions. Headaches all around. I'll enjoy the company of my nieces and nephews in small doses, and very happily pay taxes for education, but you parents can keep your jobs!

Do I start yelling "Get off my lawn!" now, or can I wait until I actually have a lawn?
posted by Llama-Lime at 5:17 PM on February 8, 2013


Money quote from the L.A. Times article linked as a reference (re: inedibility of silver dragées) in that Wikipedia article:
Pollock grabbed a bottle and noticed that one of the ingredients was silver. It's "a bio-accumulative metal that, like lead and mercury, stays in the body forever," he says. He sent the dragees to a lab for analysis, which confirmed the presence of silver. Then he called the in-house counsel at one of the country's biggest dragee manufacturers.

"The counsel said, 'Well, it's sold clearly as a decoration, not a confection. People don't eat it.' And I said, 'Come on!' And he said, 'No, people don't eat it.' And I said, 'I'll call you back in a half hour.'

"I took the dragees and I went across the street to the Superior Court and into the chambers of all six of the Superior Court judges. I showed them the jar. I came back, called counsel on the phone and said, 'I just went across the street. I did a straw poll of all the judges in my county, and every one of them has eaten these things. And one of them, I won't tell you which one, always picks the dragees off the cookies and eats them first. Now, you decide which judge you want to be in front of to make the defense argument that no one eats them.' And he said, 'Oh.' "
And that's why they're banned in California.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:28 PM on February 8, 2013 [35 favorites]


As to why the mom has the decorations out: I'm guessing she was probably about to make cupcakes or cookies. Nobody leaves decos out and that close to the edge of a counter unless they are going to be used in the next couple of hours.

As to the filming...I don't understand that, but I'm 10-15 years older than the parents of all of my son's peers...so I've got a pretty big disconnect going when it comes to how they use technology around their kids, and in fact how they parent all the way around.

As to the lying; I, personally, wouldn't have kept after my son, forcing him to double down...I would have sent him to the bathroom to wash his face, brush his teeth, and then ask him if he wanted to tell me anything. By the same token; if you leave sugar where kids can get it...kids will go after it; it's a primal need of childhood, is sugar.

Speaking of lying; I have to share this story, which just recently happened with my son; who is now 10: Boy asked if he could have a cookie, and his dad told him he could have one when he finished his homework. I was in the kitchen making tea. When I finished, and made sure Boy was all set up with pencils and everything, and was leaving the room, I said "Ok, finish up your homework, tonight is karate."

To which he replied. "Ok. Daddy said I could have a couple of cookies when I was done."

I stopped, and turned around and said "Nice try, but Daddy said you could have one, as in singular, cookie."

And Boy crossed his arms, and in his best impression of a deep resonant voice said "I have altered the deal. Pray I do not alter it further."

(For the record, I told him his Force was no match for my Schwartz, and he could have one cookie. And managed to get it out before I ran to the back of the house and fell over laughing.)
posted by dejah420 at 5:53 PM on February 8, 2013 [15 favorites]


Also; I didn't know those silver balls were inedible. I shudder to think how much silver is in my system now...
posted by dejah420 at 5:55 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


For the record, I told him his Force was no match for my Schwartz, and he could have one cookie. And managed to get it out before I ran to the back of the house and fell over laughing.)

Ha ha. That sounds like my Nephew. From age 0-4 I lived in the suite of the house I lived in. The kid was smart as was constantly pushing boundries and trying to outwit Mom. On many occasions my sister would appear in my living room laughing about something he just did or said because she didn't want him to hear her after she solemnly disciplined him.

This was and still is a kid who will even discipline himself if he does something wrong and Mom and Dad don't live up to his disciplinary expectations. "You mean you're not going to send me to my room? Bah. I'm going to my room." The teenage years are going to be fun with this one.

He would do the same thing with Grandma when he was around too. He knew that were certain things that should be done to 'kidproof' the house when he was over, especially in the kitchen. When he arrived he would proceed to go around the kitchen pointing out what wasn't done right and wasn't satisfied until it all was perfect.
posted by Jalliah at 7:03 PM on February 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Enough already, just skip the fucking interrogation and tell him not to eat the sprinkles ("I know they look so fun, but we won't have any for our special cookies if you do that"). And then drop it, wipe up the mess, and remind your own damn self not to leave your giant rotating cart of sprinkles out on the counter like an idiot. At least his behavior is developmentally appropriate.
posted by palliser at 8:10 PM on February 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


Jesus. This was cute as hell and the mom filmed it because its a developmental milestone and she's impressed as fuck that her little baby has grown up so much. It's hysterical.

I have two in this age range, and its totally possible to simultaneously be the Responsible Parent and appreciate the subtext. I am, on a daily basis, amazed at the way my kids exploit the weaknesses in the "childproof" environment I've constructed for them.

What I say: "You are not allowed up there. It's dangerous and you could fall and get a serious owie. You're getting down NOW."

What I am thinking: "How the fuck did he figure out he could move X over and turn Y upside down to access Z? My kid is a fucking genius!"

So yeah, if this video puts you off of kids, then you *really* shouldn't have kids. Really, if you are seeing abuse, neglect, or humiliation, lighten the fuck up because these things are not present here.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:20 PM on February 8, 2013 [14 favorites]


Earlier today, I heard "Oh NO! what HAPPEN?! Popcorns BIG MESS!" from the kitchen, and sure as shit, when I went in there, my two year old had dumped a bowl of popcorn he was eating from all over the floor.

"Alden!" I said "Did you dump over that bowl of popcorn?"

Giant blue guileless eyes, adorable blond curls and all, he looked at me gravely and said "Popcorns JUMPED." He nodded firmly and added, "Oh NO."

I wish I'd filmed it, it was hilarious.
posted by KathrynT at 12:34 AM on February 9, 2013 [16 favorites]


I am always astounded at the number of absolutely humorless mefis there are. My grown kids love watching videos like this from their misspent formative years and put them on youtube tbemselves. Does everything scar you people? Have kids sometime. They're fun, and a great hobby!
posted by umberto at 1:28 AM on February 9, 2013 [5 favorites]


Three years old:

"Daddy, he hit me."
"Did you hit her?"
"No."
"Yes he did!"
"I didn't!"
"Yes he did!"
Indignantly: "I didn't hit her." Proudly: I KICK her."
"Yes! He kick me!"
"Don't kick your sister."
"Sorry."
*shove*
"Daddy, he hit me!"
"I didn't hit!"
"He kick me."
"I push you. I didn't kick."
"He push me!"
"By mistake!"
"Give me strength. Don't push, kick or hit your sister. You understand?!"
"Yes."
"Say you're sorry."
"Sorry daddy."
"Not to ME. To your sister."
"Sorry."
*kiss*
"Awwwww. See, isn't that ni-"
"Daddy, he kiss me! I don't want him to! Was wet."
"I am trading you both in for hamsters."
posted by zarq at 5:32 AM on February 9, 2013 [21 favorites]


Just give the kid a lie detector test.
posted by various at 5:37 AM on February 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


These videos also give you leverage during their teen years. "Clean your room, or the next time she comes over, I'm showing this video to your new girlfriend."

Blackmail is a tool that any responsible parent should keep in their toolbox.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:49 AM on February 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


[A few comments removed. Jokey use of "trigger warning" not so great; but let's return to substance of silly kid video thread.]
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:11 AM on February 9, 2013


Future politician.
posted by mike3k at 10:28 AM on February 9, 2013


aught: Probably not, but then I know plenty of people with kids whose parenting does not involve leaving all kinds of shit food out on the kitchen counters, badgering the kid endlessly when the child succumbs to the lure of crack-like sugar products, and then taping the whole humiliating badgering session to upload for the rest of the world to see and LOL at.
You know plenty of helicopter parents.

This woman is raising her child to know the difference between good and bad behavior, which absolutely requires that the child "try out" both sets of behavior and enjoy/suffer the consequences.

(I'm not a parent, but my dog damned-well knows better than to eat off my plate even when it's left where he can get at it and he's alone. He's as morally developed as this child will soon be, because I used her technique to raise him.)
posted by IAmBroom at 11:04 AM on February 9, 2013


Just watched this with my four year old. The first time, he laughed the whole way through, and when asked "Did the boy eat the sprinkles?" he said "YES!" After the third time he watched it (because no video he likes can ever be watched just once), he changed his tune and sided with the kid that he didn't eat them. Toddler solidarity! No question his favorite part, though, was "it's not empty," because duh. Mom totally deserved some accuracy thrown back in her face.

On the parenting side, though, you shouldn't set your kid up to lie to you (especially if that's something they've already done regularly in the same circumstances). And especially in a situation like this one where you can march the kid up to a mirror and let him see what he has on his face and ask how they got there (with or without camera rolling). Once a kid lies, and you tell him he'll be in trouble for lying, why on earth would he fess up and get in trouble? Backing the kid into a corner is just creating a situation where he learns that lying is the only way to still be "good."
posted by Mchelly at 6:45 AM on February 10, 2013 [7 favorites]


I am not a parent so can someone please explain to me

Sure. Some parents want to be famous, even Internet Youtube famous. Sooooo, hey the kid's three he's not gonna know if Mommy films this and put it up for the world to see.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 3:33 PM on February 10, 2013


there's a really interesting article by Po Bronson about why kids lie. It ends with an observation that parents often test their child's honesty unnecessarily. If you know he ate them, don't ask because he'll know he's in trouble and try to get out of it the only way he can: by lying.
posted by that's candlepin at 9:22 AM on February 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


If you know he ate them, don't ask because he'll know he's in trouble and try to get out of it the only way he can: by lying.

Yes, exactly; and bad habits are bred by repetition, not by slacking on punishment/exhortation. Preventing your child from lying in the first place is much more effective for turning out an honest adult than showing your displeasure after he lies -- by repeated questioning, by stern repetitions of "you mustn't tell lies." (And spanking? really dumb.)
posted by palliser at 11:42 AM on February 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


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