Dog Day Afternoon

February 22, 2013 3:04 PM

The Crown Prosecution Service insisted on getting a statement from PC (Police Constable) Peach, even after it was pointed out that the officer in question was in fact PD (Police Dog) Peach, so eventually the West Midlands Police provided the demanded witness statement.
posted by kmz (19 comments total)

This is probably "too thin for metafilter", but I found it hilarious.
posted by josher71 at 3:07 PM on February 22

This was exactly the ridiculous chuckle I needed this pre-weekend afternoon.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 3:09 PM on February 22 [1 favorite]

Also god bless ye whichever among you who crafts and posts the RICK RICK RICK joke that I know is lurking here somewhere.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 3:09 PM on February 22

These police officers need to get serious. While they're busy making joke reports from a dog, Midsomer County is a freaking bloodbath.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:10 PM on February 22 [19 favorites]

I like his confident attitude. He is a good boy. He is good boy Peach.
posted by One Hand Slowclapping at 3:12 PM on February 22 [18 favorites]

OK, who put the frickin' laser beam on the Alsatian's head?
posted by jamaro at 3:13 PM on February 22

Is it bad that my first thought was about how the witness signed/pawed in the wrong place?

Never quite learned how to heel properly, I guess.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:17 PM on February 22 [4 favorites]

At the risk of pissing off Brockles and countrypersons,

According to officers at the West Midlands Police Station in the UK, the Crown Prosecution Service repeatedly insisted on getting a written statement from "Police Constable Peach" despite having repeatedly been told that "PC Peach" was actually PD (Police Dog) Peach, and therefore not well-suited to offer testimony in writing. Finally, the requested statement appeared:

I would like to say that proficient deployment of understatement, such as evidenced in that bit of copy stronged above, is one of the things I like about the British. That and the color of their racing cars.
posted by notyou at 3:33 PM on February 22 [16 favorites]

Snarl Furillo: "Also god bless ye whichever among you who crafts and posts the RICK RICK RICK joke that I know is lurking here somewhere."

FENTON!
posted by boo_radley at 3:39 PM on February 22 [4 favorites]

Well, if there's one thing you can't fault West Midlands Serious Crime Squad and successors for, it's their consummate skill and long experience in the field of fabricating witness statements, dating back well beyond the Birmingham Six.
posted by Abiezer at 3:58 PM on February 22 [16 favorites]

Working as a police dog is... ruff.
posted by GuyZero at 5:13 PM on February 22 [1 favorite]

Cuteness threshold exceeded . Shutting down.
posted by bleep at 7:15 PM on February 22 [1 favorite]

That's fucking awesome. Occasionally I'll leave my gf a 'love note' from the dog, I do it the same way - all caps with my left hand and bad grammar.
posted by mannequito at 7:19 PM on February 22

When we go to conventions, my SO does drawings of the cats telling what they want from the sitters. It's not too different from this.
posted by happyroach at 7:56 PM on February 22

Ahhhhhahaha! "Good Boy. Good boy, Peach" may become a meme for my gaming group.

Thanks!
posted by blurker at 8:56 PM on February 22 [1 favorite]

Have you ever seen someone chewed up by a police dog? It's not so funny. This just shows how immature some police can be...
posted by what's her name at 6:23 AM on February 23

McGruff unavailable for statement.
posted by porn in the woods at 10:45 AM on February 23 [1 favorite]

what's her name: "Have you ever seen someone chewed up by a police dog? It's not so funny. This just shows how immature some police can be..."

Being bitten by a police dog is not funny. The bureaucracy insisting on a written report from the police dog in question is bleakly funny in an Orwellian/Kafkaesque/Connie Willis kind of way.

FTA: For some reason, probably one linked to a severe humor deficit at some level of the CPS, the matter has been referred to the Professional Standards Department for investigation.

Way to go, West Midlands Police! Way to show you have a sense of proportion and don't deserve to be mocked. (Oh, wait…)
posted by Lexica at 7:38 PM on February 23

what's her name: "Have you ever seen someone chewed up by a police dog? It's not so funny. This just shows how immature some police can be..."

Yeah. When asked to have their police dog submit a written report, they should have written,

"I chase him
I bite him
He maybe not bad man
He not have privileges other men have
Policemen bad
Train me be violent
I bite but I cry inside"

Would that have been more to your liking?
posted by Bugbread at 5:40 PM on February 24 [1 favorite]