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You know I rock the mic so democratically
February 23, 2013 4:08 AM   Subscribe

RapBot is a freestyle 80s battle rap generator by Darius Kazemi. How it works, and the source
posted by barnacles (41 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite

 
Oh, RapBot. Don't you know that homophones don't really count as rhymes?

I know how to charm a woman, just ask your friend Beverly
I'm playing you and your best friend Beverley


RapBot might make me late to work, I love it so much.
posted by HeroZero at 4:37 AM on February 23, 2013


I'm playing you and your best friend Nathaniel
If you can't handle this then you're nothing but a granule


Harsh but fair, RapBot. Harsh but fair.
posted by Prince Lazy I at 4:54 AM on February 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


You know I rock the mic so naturally
Everybody in the club looks at me so unnaturally


Rapbot's tautology circuit is broken!
posted by The River Ivel at 5:24 AM on February 23, 2013


Listen to my rhyme, let your mind capitalize
Listen to my rhyme, let your mind undercapitalize

*drops the mic*
posted by emelenjr at 6:12 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


The power of the beat makes you look at me and cancel
When I'm on the mic you realize you're a hansel
I'm the illest MC to ever rock the perception
Master of the game, I'm the rap contraception
There's nobody like me 'cause I'm the greatest wreck
Every other MC is a sucker tech
You know I rock the mic so sparsely
When you battle me it's like you battle a parsley

*drops the mic*
*blown away*
posted by memebake at 6:19 AM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Master of the game, I'm the rap thyme
You're nothin' but a scrub, word to your rhyme


I...I love this
posted by dismas at 6:19 AM on February 23, 2013


If you're gonna battle me, then you gotta be geological
If a rapper tries to step I'm gonna get radiological

...This particular 80's battle feat. Hulk v Absorbing Man.

Try to step to me and I'mma wreck your certification
My rhymes blow your mind and you think it's Haitian

...Rap: Plausible!

Listen to my rhyme, let your mind glove
My DJ drop the beat I pick it up most above

...Go home, RapBot, you're drunk.

my god i could do this for hours
posted by unregistered_animagus at 6:21 AM on February 23, 2013


RapBot preempts criticism:
You're just jealous 'cause I rap mechanically
You know I rock the mic so organically

posted by dismas at 6:22 AM on February 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


My rhyme profile makes the ladies flour
Master of the game, I'm the rap superpower

posted by chillmost at 6:23 AM on February 23, 2013


They call me the Hiphopopotamus
My lyrics are bottomless
...
*pauses*
...

posted by memebake at 6:25 AM on February 23, 2013


/They called me a new jack, but I'm a new ideology
Try to step to me and I'mma wreck your entomology

posted by dismas at 6:27 AM on February 23, 2013


I know what you want, what you want's a winery
You hear my freestyle and you drop your finery
You spit rhymes like a pig try to belittle
My DJ is the backup and I'm the spittle

*drops the mic*




....


My finery. Consider it dropped.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:35 AM on February 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


If a rapper tries to step I'm gonna get grammatical
If a rapper tries to step I'm gonna get sabbatical
...
Flow so radical, make the ladies all bishop
When I come to a battle I'm strapped with an archbishop

That is just about as far from plausible 80s rap-battle lyrics as I can imagine.

If you're on sabbatical, how are you going to make the ladies all bishop? And why are you strapped to an archbishop? Is he ok with that?
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 6:36 AM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


My posse's got my back and my sistas got my recognition
I know how to charm a woman, just ask your friend Inquisition



He's Spanish.





Nobody expects him!
posted by louche mustachio at 6:39 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


When you battle me it's like you battle an investor
When I'm on the mic I'm guaranteed to bring the polyester

I...don't think I will buy stocks from that investor.

See you try to rhyme, it come out just so utopian
You can try and battle me, but you're too Fallopian

Misogyny even shows up in robot rap :(
posted by Lemurrhea at 6:49 AM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


I got real freaky with a man named Verne
I got real freaky with a woman named Fern


Bisexual Rapbot FTW
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:50 AM on February 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


Rap Bot, how do you treat the ladies?

Everybody knows I treat all the ladies predominantly
Everybody knows I treat all the ladies prominently


I see!
posted by codacorolla at 7:05 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Knew a cat like you, by the name of Sigurd
My DJ is the backup and I'm the niggard


Careful, there, RapBot!
posted by JimInLoganSquare at 7:15 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Flow so radical, make the fellas all overwhelm
Flow so radical, make the fellas all underwhelm
When you battle me it's like you battle a contradiction

posted by codacorolla at 7:21 AM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Every other MC is a sucker lapping
Every other MC is a sucker tapping
They called me a new jack, but I'm a new tranquility
When you battle me it's like you battle an invincibility
When you battle me it's like you battle a tripe
When you battle me it's like you battle a hype
My posse's got my back and my homies got my gaffe
I'm the illest MC to ever rock the graf
I'm the illest MC to ever rock the lager
My rhymes bring the power like a raging jogger
Wait I wrote that. Wrong window.
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 7:30 AM on February 23, 2013


When I come to a battle I'm strapped with a Cartier
When I rock a mic you know I rock it real heartier


My rhymes are the kind that can rock a party, hey
And RapBot has never even seen a Cartier
posted by box at 7:35 AM on February 23, 2013


And this from the same guy that did Random Amazon Shopper (previously)
posted by memebake at 7:42 AM on February 23, 2013


How come this isn't hooked up to some kind of text-to-speech generator?
posted by mhum at 7:55 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I make the MCs in the place wish that they were portrait
You hear my freestyle and you drop your self-portrait


someone please help, i think RapBot had a stroke
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:02 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Finally, Kitty Pryde's secret is exposed.
posted by Mezentian at 8:12 AM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Catch me on the streets, walking by so neatly
Everybody knows I treat all the ladies sweetly
If you can't handle this then you're nothing but a hanger
Try to step to me and I'mma wreck your wanger


You're going to wreck my wanger? Damn. That is just...damn.
posted by etc. at 8:30 AM on February 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


etc.: "You're going to wreck my wanger? Damn. That is just...damn."

MC Sbaitso has no time for your hyu-mon wang-related emotions.
posted by barnacles at 8:34 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, RapBot. Don't you know that homophones don't really count as rhymes?

Tell that to the Black-Eyed Peas.
posted by jonp72 at 9:04 AM on February 23, 2013


*picks up mic*

If you kids can't take care of gear, buy your own! And get off my lawn!
posted by eriko at 9:06 AM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


My DJ drop the beat I pick it up most abruptly
Everybody knows I treat all the fellas corruptly
I got real freaky with a man named Quinn
My DJ is the backup and I'm the skin
Wherever I go, people give me some fancy
My DJ is the backup and I'm the fiancee


Whoah. That's a lot of freak to come out of a computer.
posted by eddydamascene at 10:01 AM on February 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


This is really cute, but the lack of scansion means a lot of the results don't work at all. Even the laziest freestyler is counting syllables in his head and feeling out a rhythm — but the bot only seems to find the beat by accident.
posted by RogerB at 11:21 AM on February 23, 2013


My posse's got my back and my sistas got my motherhood
When you battle me it's like you battle a brotherhood
My rhyme profile makes the fellas commemorate
I'm the illest MC to ever rock the emirate
I've battled every MC, every Tom, Dick, and Cupid
My sweet-ass rhymes make your man feel stupid
My rhymes bring the power like a raging geography
I'm a lyricist, I'm a microphone iconography
My rhymes blow your mind and you think it's derived
If a rapper tries to step I'm gonna get deprived

*drops the mic*


Halp, I'm dying.
posted by ersatz at 2:03 PM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is really cute, but the lack of scansion means a lot of the results don't work at all. Even the laziest freestyler is counting syllables in his head and feeling out a rhythm — but the bot only seems to find the beat by accident.

It helps if you read them in your dad's voice.
posted by codacorolla at 2:43 PM on February 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


My posse's got my back and my homies got my thong
My rhymes bring the power like a raging sarong


Back off, sucka MCs. RapBot runs the game.
posted by Prince Lazy I at 3:15 PM on February 23, 2013


I've battled every MC, every Tom, Dick, and Azerbaijan
Sweeter than molasses, and stronger than a Moldovan


RapBot: Former Soviet States edition.
posted by dismas at 5:51 PM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


My flow and my style both blow away the investigation
My rhymes bring the power like a raging annexation
*skratch solo* ... (p-p-phooey!)
If you're gonna battle me, then you gotta be gooey
My DJ is the greatest, he makes the beat swarm
I'm the illest MC to ever rock the dorm


Rapbot is in the Model UN I think?
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 5:57 PM on February 23, 2013


My DJ is the backup and I'm the oncologist
You hear my freestyle and you drop your Kremlinologist


Funny story: this actually happened to me once.
posted by elmer benson at 7:05 PM on February 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wherever I go, people give me some credit
When you battle me it's like you battle a microcredit
wat
My DJ is the backup and I'm the departure
There's nobody like me 'cause I'm the greatest Archer
The Hunger Games Rap anyone?
I'm the rap king, make you pop, lock and wrestle
Try to step to me and I'mma wreck your vessell
okay
posted by floatboth at 1:23 AM on February 24, 2013


This is pretty good if you read it in Milk's voice.
posted by yonega at 10:59 AM on February 24, 2013


I wrote a little shell script that pipes it into say on OSX.
posted by silentbicycle at 9:10 AM on February 25, 2013


My DJ drop the beat I pick it up most approvingly
Catch me on the streets, walking by so movingly


So movingly.
posted by memebake at 10:56 AM on March 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


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