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The Helen One Hundred
February 28, 2013 7:11 PM   Subscribe

Ageing poseur with unhealthy interest in spanking and the works of Jean Baudrillard seeks recently bathed human. Australian radio presenter, writer and professional curmudgeon Helen Razer writes about her recent break-up and announces an experiment.
posted by hot soup girl (64 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Great, I can't stand her. And curmudgeon and Helen Razer in the same sentence?
posted by mattoxic at 7:13 PM on February 28, 2013


The Boss and other emotionally constipated white men

She's lost her chance with this single Australian.

On second thought, it might be fun. She'll get a blog post out of it and I'll get a bad poem.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 7:15 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: I am ashamed and I am not very good at humans.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:17 PM on February 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


She's lost her chance with this single Australian.

Wanna know how I know you didn't read the article to the end?
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:21 PM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Can someone translate this into standard English please?
posted by KokuRyu at 7:28 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I never really understood how Razer got a job in media. She's...not very good at any of it, in any capacity. Of course, this is Australia, where our TV, radio and newspapers are wobbling, close to bursting, with flatlent incompetents.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:44 PM on February 28, 2013


Also nobody anywhere has ever read Baudrillard.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:45 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Wikipedia article's a bit out of date: Helen Razer's also a contributor to Ramp Up, ABC's website for "news, discussion, debate and humour for everyone in Australia's disability communities".

I love her.
posted by gingerest at 7:45 PM on February 28, 2013


Yeah, I never really understood how Razer got a job in media. She's...not very good at any of it, in any capacity. Of course, this is Australia, where our TV, radio and newspapers are wobbling, close to bursting, with flatlent incompetents.

Eh Andrew Denton, Tony Jones, and pretty much everyone on the ABC and half the writers for the SMH are smarter than what you get in America and they seem to know what they're talking about. This article is pretty funny; I can't say I have any feelings toward Razer one way or another. Clem Ford is amazing, and she'll probably be writing for Jezebel or The Hairpin soon.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 7:46 PM on February 28, 2013


That's true I do quite like Andrew Denton.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 7:48 PM on February 28, 2013


The exchanges with Matt in the comments are golden:
"I suspect this is almost exactly what it feels like for a moderately attractive woman to catch public transport, aside of course from the heteroclite repeatedly touching himself then sniffing his fingers in the corner of the vestibule."

"God, Matt. You’re emotionally distant, unstintingly literate and clearly uninterested."
posted by unliteral at 7:49 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Cher is gone but the house still smells of chicken

Metafilter: Sexually ambivalent middle-aged crank

Metafilter: Ageing poseur with unhealthy interest in spanking and the works of Jean Baudrillard
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 7:53 PM on February 28, 2013


I just know she'll be googling herself tonight. Glass of pinot gris in one hand, tapping away on her ABC issue Dell with the other. She'll come across this thread and know once and for all what mattoxic thinks of her.

And don't get me started on that smug arse Tony Jones for for that matter Leigh Sales.

Andrew Denton is such a creature of the mid to late eighties. Now he's barely able to host a gameshow.
posted by mattoxic at 7:54 PM on February 28, 2013


I was once interviewed over the phone by Helen Razor about weblogs.

It's a weird world.
posted by Neale at 7:54 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fuck, she answers her own comments.
posted by mattoxic at 7:58 PM on February 28, 2013


Fuck, she answers her own comments.

I hope Tony Jones and Andrew Denton do the same. Tony Jones was a drinking buddy of Christopher Hitchens, so I can't imagine what he'd do to you.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:00 PM on February 28, 2013


Oh, fine, since everyone else is posting multiple times in this thread I will too. KokoRyu, Australian English still counts as standard, although Helen does have her own thing going on. If it helps any, the focus on chicken is because every streetcorner here has a rotisserie chicken shop, so the idea is that it's the staple foodstuff of the single urbanite who is too tired, depressed, heartbroken, or incompetent to cook dinner.
posted by gingerest at 8:00 PM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Andrew Denton is such a creature of the mid to late eighties.

What're you, high? Enough Rope was a great interview programme. And I was addicted to Denton when I was a teen. He had Morphine play live one night. Morphine! Those guys rule(d)!

I may be conflating my love for Morphine with my memories of Denton
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 8:02 PM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, fine, since everyone else is posting multiple times in this thread I will too. KokoRyu, Australian English still counts as standard, although Helen does have her own thing going on. If it helps any, the focus on chicken is because every streetcorner here has a rotisserie chicken shop, so the idea is that it's the staple foodstuff of the single urbanite who is too tired, depressed, heartbroken, or incompetent to cook dinner.

I'm all 4 of those things, and I still think Asian, kebabs and Pad Thai fit that category better.

I posted this on Facebook, and a friend said "Make sure to include many long words and pontificate" if I asked her out.

I can't imagine talking any other way.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:02 PM on February 28, 2013


What're you, high? Enough Rope was a great interview show.

Plus he's friends with that really good punk band who performed naked on RAGE.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:03 PM on February 28, 2013


gingerest, there's only like, two dozen Antipodeans that post regularly on the Blue. Either we do multiple posts in threads like these, or it's sock puppets all the way down.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:03 PM on February 28, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Sex and validation" is on my OK Cupid profile.
posted by carsonb at 8:04 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


Plus he's friends with that really good punk band who performed naked on RAGE.

...Red Hot Chili Peppers?
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 8:07 PM on February 28, 2013


Plus he's friends with that really good punk band who performed naked on RAGE.

...Red Hot Chili Peppers?


I said 'good' and 'punk'. Turns out it was Lubricated Goat (SFW YouTube version).
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:10 PM on February 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


Yup, Enough Rope. But this post is about Helen Razer. Just re listened to that interview with Berkoff. Fuck it's cringeworthy.
posted by mattoxic at 8:11 PM on February 28, 2013


I quite like this Matt guy:
RAZER: ...Were it not for your misuse of “discomfiting” (which we should probably blame on auto-correct) I would probably propose the commencement of an unhealthy but briefly rewarding Master-Pony relationship this minute...

MATT:...Despite living across the road from a horse agistment and equestrian facility, being in walking distance of both a pony club and saddlery, not to mention a five year stint working in the hard core pornography industry, I am unfamiliar with Master-Pony relationships. I suspect it involves some sort of trenchant servitude. Much like shoes, I expect it to be the sort of thing I prefer to see other people wearing, not myself...
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:14 PM on February 28, 2013 [3 favorites]


His thoughts were red thoughts - oh, I know. I usually lurk in the Oz threads because I'm afraid Andrew Bolt will appear in a puff of coal smoke and tell me I'm not the kind of migrant who fits in.

Charlemagne, maybe you get to be tragic-pathetic with Asian food and kebabs because you're in Sydney.
posted by gingerest at 8:14 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


I probably should have phrased that better (Aus English is a tonic, that's for sure): who the fuck is this Helen person? I could not parse her blog post.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:15 PM on February 28, 2013


Turns out it was Lubricated Goat

Saw them a thousand years ago in Flinders University Tavern. One of the funniest shows I've ever seen.
posted by Wolof at 8:15 PM on February 28, 2013


I only caught "naked".

Also I am reading through the comments after the weird article and Razer actually seems pretty cool and interesting and compelling in a mad-cat-lady-but-knows-it kinda way. Which is actually the worst kind of crazy, because when you tell them they need help really badly they throw a cat at you and screech "NOTHING CAN HELP ME, NOTHING!"
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 8:15 PM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Kind of confused because I don't remember this 30 Helens Agree skit at all. Which one is she?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:15 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


She's the one who's Pam from Archer.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 8:16 PM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


Just re listened to that interview with Berkoff. Fuck it's cringeworthy.

In her defense, the person she was interviewing there was the plaintiff in this 1996 case where he successfully sued a person for libel for calling him ugly. How else can you treat a person like that?
posted by Sys Rq at 8:18 PM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


ABC radio chief Steve Kyte has confirmed that Razer will present her final show before the end of the year

For the benefit of Mister Kyte, there will be a show tonight....
posted by pompomtom at 8:29 PM on February 28, 2013 [5 favorites]


KokuRyu: Can someone translate this into standard English please?

Razer got her start in the media because she owned a thesaurus, which she used to beat everybody into submission and then as an aid to waxing prolix with effluvient methodology on the myriad modes in which she, Helen Razer, was inestimably predominant in sagacity and acumen.

It got to the point where even her ex-employer mocked her.

She then, I believe, got a job at the Smage - which at least meant that the vast majority of Australians weren't subject to her - before heading back to the ABC who, in a move seemingly meant to mock her further, gave her a position well out of her depth on an Arts show.

She seems to have mellowed a bit over the years, though I admit the only time I see anything of her is her column in the Big Issue - which always struck me as a cruel thing for them to do to homeless people…

CiS: "Tony Jones was a drinking buddy of Christopher Hitchens …"

I did not know this. I always had a fair bit of respect for Tony's abilities as an interviewer on Lateline, but that explains a hell of a lot about his style on the trainwreck that is Q&A…
posted by Pinback at 8:33 PM on February 28, 2013


I did not know this. I always had a fair bit of respect for Tony's abilities as an interviewer on Lateline, but that explains a hell of a lot about his style on the trainwreck that is Q&A…

My greatest regret is not going out to Yum Cha with the two of them after Hitchens' show at the Opera House.

Razer got her start in the media because she owned a thesaurus, which she used to beat everybody into submission and then as an aid to waxing prolix with effluvient methodology on the myriad modes in which she, Helen Razer, was inestimably predominant in sagacity and acumen.

I'm inclined to give anyone attacked for using too many big words the benefit of the doubt, especially in a country that praises 'laconic' and 'blokey' and 'stupid' humor like Australia.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 8:36 PM on February 28, 2013


I (for one) welcome our new Writer overlord. I think she'll be just fine.

Good luck with that unicorn, Razer.

Listen honey, after writing that beautiful love letter to life and providing you can keep up the optimism, you 're already seeing rainbows; so the Unicorns should be on their way shortly.


(But never go FULL OPTIMIST on the first try. Just don't. You'll see rainbows and unicorns everywhere and it can get overwhelming to the uninitiated.)
posted by empatterson at 8:47 PM on February 28, 2013


...especially in a country that praises 'laconic' and 'blokey' and 'stupid' humor like Australia

Please don't start this nonsense again.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:54 PM on February 28, 2013 [8 favorites]


who the fuck is this Helen person? I could not parse her blog post.

She's a minor Australian media personality, who got her start as a radio show host on the national broadcaster's youth station (where she was much loved), then moved into being a print columnist. She's characterised by her peculiar and often arcane use of language. She's pretty cantankerous, and generally quite polarising. Many people find her entertaining, but many don't like her. It's all in the wiki link in the FPP.

tl;dr she's a media weirdo. She wants a date with a like-minded weirdo. As do we all.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:00 PM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Woah (whoa?) that's a whole load of judgement passing happening just up the top of the thread.

Wonder what that's all about?
posted by empatterson at 9:10 PM on February 28, 2013


I never truly minded Helen Razer until one time on a friend's Facebook she went into a long rant about how terrible Mardi Gras is, because we don't need it anymore, it's just a chance for shrieking drag queens, etc. She wrote it as a self-identified queer, but immediately dismissed everything about it as being beneath all gay people simply because she didn't particularly care for it.

She was very insulting about anyone who takes part in Gay Pride, and even though I don't particularly care for Mardi Gras (I don't like parades), that just means I don't go - I don't insult those taking part in gay pride events. Naturally, she received some pushback. Just as naturally, she shortly afterwards deleted all her comments.

So, yeah, she's horrible, with a very undergraduate cultural studies type of insufferability that she's had for decades now.
posted by gadge emeritus at 9:11 PM on February 28, 2013


Ah. Polarising. That explains it. She comes pre-judged thanks to some good work.

Thanks, His thoughts were red thoughts!
posted by empatterson at 9:11 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


She was very insulting about anyone who takes part in Gay Pride, and even though I don't particularly care for Mardi Gras (I don't like parades), that just means I don't go - I don't insult those taking part in gay pride events. Naturally, she received some pushback. Just as naturally, she shortly afterwards deleted all her comments.

It's a massive mainstream cultural event now, though, and can be criticized on those grounds.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 9:13 PM on February 28, 2013


Sure. But instead she said the equivalent of, 'I don't need gay pride events, so everyone should think they're tawdry affairs filled with terrible people like I do.'
posted by gadge emeritus at 9:18 PM on February 28, 2013


Ah. Polarising. That explains it. She comes pre-judged thanks to some time spent in controversy.
posted by empatterson at 9:35 PM on February 28, 2013


Her opposition to gay marriage is pretty strident too.
posted by unliteral at 9:49 PM on February 28, 2013


His thoughts were red thoughts: "gingerest, there's only like, two dozen Antipodeans that post regularly on the Blue. Either we do multiple posts in threads like these, or it's sock puppets all the way down."

Oh, god, the pressure. Errr. Errrm. Errrr.

I like Andrew Denton!!

That'll do.
posted by barnacles at 9:58 PM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Her opposition to gay marriage is pretty strident too.

Her everything is pretty strident.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:17 PM on February 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


who the fuck is this Helen person? I could not parse her blog post.

Dude, we went to the SAME WRITING CLASSES. I laughed out loud and started reading bits of it to the wife while she made tea and also laughed out loud. What day did you miss?
posted by ten pounds of inedita at 10:35 PM on February 28, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh Helen. YOU GO GIRL. Let's all age disgracefully.
posted by Coaticass at 1:59 AM on March 1, 2013


Glad to see she cast a wider net once "recently bathed Australian" failed to attract enough qualified applicants.
posted by ShutterBun at 2:13 AM on March 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yeah, well, nobody rolls around in shit after taking a shower. You roll around in the shit first. I hope we've all learned something here today.
posted by turgid dahlia 2 at 5:09 AM on March 1, 2013


gadge emeritus: So she's like Australia's Camille Paglia?
posted by Grimgrin at 5:37 AM on March 1, 2013


Well, hell, I liked it. Because I have been there, dammit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:06 AM on March 1, 2013


So she's like Australia's Camille Paglia?

Don't know why there needs to be two. We could've sent them ours.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:41 AM on March 1, 2013


So she's like Australia's Camille Paglia?

Without the earlier period of respect, or fixation on Madonna?

Actually, no. Maybe Australia's Julie Burchill.
posted by gadge emeritus at 10:21 AM on March 1, 2013


For those not familiar with the movie referenced in her post, Wake in Fright, this is an excellent analysis.
posted by naturesgreatestmiracle at 10:41 PM on March 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I suggest seeing it before reading anything about it. It is the finest movie about Australia I have ever seen.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 12:07 AM on March 2, 2013


"[Wake in Fright] is the finest movie about Australia I have ever seen."

As somebody else said upthread, "please don't start this nonsense again". Unless you're equally ready to say that Deliverance is the finest movie about America you've ever seen.
posted by Pinback at 4:25 PM on March 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


It was also a FPP.
posted by unliteral at 4:55 PM on March 2, 2013


Pinback, the essay linked right above mine makes the claim in much stronger language than even I would:

I’d make an even bigger claim for Wake in Fright than McFarlane does. I’d argue that it’s close to perfect in the way that F Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby or Glenway Wescott’s The Pilgrim Hawk are perfect: nary a false step. And it’s one of those rare movies that captures the spirit of a country. Il Divo does that for Italy; Burnt by the Sun for Russia: The Burmese Harp for Japan; Waltz with Bashir for Israel; and Good Night and Good Luck for the US. They are not movies that encompass every last complexity – Wake in Fright is about white men – but by isolating one part and scrutinising it with cinematic clarity, all these movies tell a larger truth about a nation’s collective psyche, and usually one that’s hard to swallow. In the case of Wake in Fright, the truth is that underneath the vaunted easy-going surface of Australians is a deforming truculence, an ugly snarkiness. (Okay, shoot me.)

So has anyone taken Helen Razer up on her offer? I doubt she'd refuse many MeFites.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 5:29 PM on March 2, 2013


I was just thinking about seeing this movie, but it looked like it was all about white men in the country, and very old notions of masculinity, so it doesn't really relate to the Australia I know. Stone comes closer, if I want an experience that doesn't include women or non-whites.
posted by gingerest at 10:21 PM on March 2, 2013


I'd encourage you to watch it anyway gingerest, it's a fantastically horrible vision. A definite classic.
posted by unliteral at 2:28 AM on March 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Chuckles McTruck in the comments gives a common reaction to AskMefi questions
I’m not quite sure I have a comment about this article, or should. It’s the sort of thing that quietly, surreptitiously has the structure and delivery of begging for advice, without actually wanting any. It makes me feel sorry about you, but want to say utterly horrible things to you, or perhaps vice versa. Possibly that’s the sort of thing you expect and even desire. Possibly it’s all an immense trolling yuk-yuk for blog fodder. Possibly you don’t delineate between the two, or can’t, or do and don’t care. It’s almost certainly a terrible idea if it’s sincere, but I’m hard pressed to find anything on this page that I’d remotely label “sincere”, with the exception of the part about wanting to eventually have sex; I’m certain that’s legitimate, and may be the only relevancy here.
posted by unliteral at 6:49 AM on March 3, 2013


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