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It's a secret to everyb-- well, to some people without google.
March 5, 2013 8:15 AM   Subscribe


 
Well, not secret anymore. Harumph.
posted by item at 8:20 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


A Pants Aflame production in partnership with DisneyLies.com

Themselves sometimes funny sites.
posted by DU at 8:21 AM on March 5, 2013


Thanks to its modern design, the Secret Restroom's commode can be pleasantly photographed in both portrait and -- as shown here -- landscape mode.

FTW
posted by chavenet at 8:24 AM on March 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


I... this is taking the piss, right?

So to speak.
posted by sonmi at 8:24 AM on March 5, 2013


"Sometimes the Secret Restroom goes unused for hours, but at other times the line can stretch almost to Main Street."
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:25 AM on March 5, 2013


secret ≠ pleasant
posted by IvoShandor at 8:25 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]



> look

The Secret Restroom's surroundings are pleasant, homey, and comforting. Tables and chairs are conveniently available for those waiting their turn, but are often used by guests who do not even suspect their true raison de vivre.

To the right of the Secret Restroom is a small forest, through which a small path leads off into nameless adventure. The naturalistic setting helps provide a context for the Secret Restroom as a sort of outpost -- a serendipitous haven of for the weary, if you will.

> go bathroom

What, right here? Perhaps you should enter the Secret Bathroom first.

> enter bathroom

The moment you open its door (it's unlocked), you are overwhelmed by just how enormous the Secret Restroom is. As a point of fact, the Secret Restroom is not only larger than the average American home restroom, it's larger than the typical Anaheim apartment that can be afforded on a Disneyland castmember's starting salary.

The Secret Restroom's sink is positioned near the entrance/exit. This is convenient for anyone who just wants to stop in and wash their hands, and leads to a natural business/wash/leave order of operations for others who are visiting to take care of more urgent matters.

The Secret Restroom's mirror is cleverly located not behind the sink, but to the left of it.

> use mirror

After six days of park-hopping, you look haggard.

> exit bathroom

The view when exiting the Secret Restroom is rustic, natural, and inviting, drawing guests back into the park to continue their adventure.

Guests have the option to turn left and pass through Carnation Plaza Gardens to Main Street or Fantasyland (with Tomorrowland in the distance), or turn right, where can be found the passage to Frontierland.

Guests also have the option of finding a place at a table and either relaxing or waiting for the rest of their party. Truly, the options are limitless!

posted by davejay at 8:37 AM on March 5, 2013 [43 favorites]


The second vending device, mounted to the wall deeper within the Secret Restroom, seems rather mysterious in its unlabeled state. We only have this one, old, grainy photo of it, and even Wikipedia seems to have no additional information.

I believe it dispenses colorful lubricated balloons. With mouse ears, for her pleasure.
posted by Kabanos at 8:44 AM on March 5, 2013 [8 favorites]


I feel like this is a direct parody of a Club 33 site I cannot for the life of me locate.
posted by griphus at 8:49 AM on March 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


I sure hope it's a parody, because otherwise this is some severe beanplating.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:53 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


I feel let down that there's a separate section for the floor tile describing the pattern, yet it fails to mention that the layout is fulfilled in a reasonable facsimile of the classic "Versailles" pattern (no large rectangular tile), thus reinforcing Disney's monarchial governmental system (c.f. the castle and peasant's dwellings nearby).
posted by LionIndex at 8:59 AM on March 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


Here it is! Although there's enough differences and people obsessed with Disney minutia that I can't call it either way.
posted by griphus at 8:59 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


The truly secret Disneyland bathroom is the one just off the entrance and to the right when you go in, just past the little kiosk with all the Chip and Dale hats that look like a fuzzy chipmunk mass murder. I always tell family and friends (who are usually ready to pee after the monorail/tram, the walk, and the wait in line) to go to the bathroom there, and they always stare at me like I have two heads and then I show them and they're all, "Gurl! WHAAAAAT."

And that is how I know I have spent too much time at Disneyland.
posted by offalark at 9:03 AM on March 5, 2013 [4 favorites]


I believe it dispenses colorful lubricated balloons. With mouse ears, for her pleasure.

That reminds me, I need to try doing the balloon-in-a-balloon trick while on a date sometime.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:05 AM on March 5, 2013 [3 favorites]


If you can't tell if this is a joke or not, click more of the links.
posted by 23skidoo at 9:16 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


About as satisfying as a late model M. Night Shyamalan movie.
posted by humboldt32 at 9:17 AM on March 5, 2013


The Secret Restroom urinal is located close to the sink as a subtle psychological reminder that gentlemen should wash after making use of the facility.

The way it's set up, it looks a bit more, you know, "If that one's in use, use this one."
posted by Sys Rq at 9:19 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bummer this is no more, since they put a new princess thing in that space that is set to open soon.

This reminds me of the almost secret restroom at SFO airport, between the International terminal and the domestics (1 and 2 I think?). It's a long walk from either terminal but along the half-mile tunnel connecting the two is a huge restroom in the middle that I've only seen one other person in after maybe ten uses of it over the past few years.
posted by mathowie at 9:28 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I... this is taking the piss, right?

That's a bathroom's number one job.
posted by yoink at 9:32 AM on March 5, 2013 [10 favorites]


The door to the Secret Restroom is self-closing and comforting in its sturdy construction. It was hand-wrought from a single piece of California pine that Walt Disney himself spotted while on a trip up the California coast with his family.

Heh, yeah definitely a parody of Club 33.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:35 AM on March 5, 2013


IvoShandor: "secret ≠ pleasant"

Not every house is a home, I suppose.
posted by boo_radley at 9:37 AM on March 5, 2013


I believe it dispenses colorful lubricated balloons. With mouse ears, for her pleasure.

You laugh, but Disney HQ in Burbank has a company store that sells various swag. One such item is a shot glass, but when asked about it by staff is always described — by corporate mandate — as a toothpick holder. No joke.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:47 AM on March 5, 2013 [5 favorites]


And yet every single time I show up to their offices with my schematics for a bong pencil holder with mouse ears on it, I am curtly shown the door.

Hypocrites.
posted by griphus at 9:50 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Ben and Jerry's Factory Store also sells "toothpick holders".
posted by maryr at 10:14 AM on March 5, 2013


Well if they call the lubricated balloons "toothpick holders", they're not going to sell very many!
posted by Kabanos at 10:52 AM on March 5, 2013 [9 favorites]


Particularly nasally observant guests will recognize the subtle scents of fresh mulch, swan-infused castle moat water, and pine.

HAHAHAHAHAH
posted by joannemerriam at 12:42 PM on March 5, 2013


One such item is a shot glass, but when asked about it by staff is always described — by corporate mandate — as a toothpick holder. No joke.

This reminds me of a time where someone donated a glass bong to a staff auction at my volunteer job (a craft center). I believe they called it a "water pipe" on the signage.

Yeah, I concur that the bathroom in Main Street where you walk in is the more "secret" bathroom. Kinda ruins this website to have the point of it gone, eh?
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:10 PM on March 5, 2013


After hitting the bar pretty hard I got turned around and found the other secret restroom at Disney.
Very spacious. Soundproofed. Wide gently sloping stairs. Gold plated toilets.

Long story short, tuba players aren't a forgiving breed.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:26 PM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hint to those still wondering: the "secret" restroom appears on official maps of Disneyland, and is indeed the only one with a "handicap accessible" designation.

World-class Disneyana satire, though.
posted by ShutterBun at 4:05 PM on March 5, 2013


Correction: there are at least 3 others (one more on Main Street, and two on Tom Sawyer's Island)
posted by ShutterBun at 4:07 PM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is definitely the kind of joke that gets funnier and funnier the more time you've wasted on other Disney websites in your life.
posted by town of cats at 8:14 PM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


I sent the link to my mother who works as an Imagineer at Disneyland Paris and has recently spent time over in California - she didn't know about this so asked her equivalent in Anaheim. He was also unaware of this and has asked the Park Design Director.

I think she's going to be a bit miffed when she gets a response.
posted by Molesome at 2:21 AM on March 6, 2013


This thread is now about your mother's response, Molesome. I await an answer with bated breath.
posted by boo_radley at 9:37 AM on March 7, 2013


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