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Sundoggin' it
April 25, 2013 11:28 AM   Subscribe

In a rather daring (or foolhardy) effort to sell 300 season's tickets the owner, General Manager, captain and marketing director for the Central Hockey League's Arizona Sundogs hoisted themselves into the Arizona sky in a scissor lift and announced they weren't going to come down until they met their goal. It has taken rather longer than they expected. The Twitter feed for the event has taken on a rather urgent tone. Oh, and the GM is afraid of heights.
posted by dry white toast (61 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
I was reading those tweets, feeling badly for those men, and I remembered that they could just lower the lift and get out of there.
posted by angrycat at 11:41 AM on April 25, 2013 [8 favorites]


I remembered that they could just lower the lift and get out of there.

No. They can't just lower the lift and get out of there. Not until they sell 300 goddamned tickets. Don't you understand??
posted by Think_Long at 11:43 AM on April 25, 2013 [39 favorites]


At least they're not dropping turkeys.
posted by tommasz at 11:43 AM on April 25, 2013 [37 favorites]


Since they're selling season tickets, aren't they selling something closer to 9000 tickets? Sounds more impressive that way.
posted by dobi at 11:44 AM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


They've taken themselves hostage. That's adorable.

But seriously, I hope they meet the goal soon. That much exposure can't be healthy, however misguided and entirely self-inflicted it may be.
posted by figurant at 11:45 AM on April 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


...hoisted themselves into the Arizona sky...

I hope they bought their own Petard brand scissor lift for this purpose.
posted by gurple at 11:46 AM on April 25, 2013 [22 favorites]


I would buy seasons tickets if they retrofit the penalty box at their arena with a scissor lift.
posted by Kabanos at 11:47 AM on April 25, 2013 [7 favorites]


"Hold it! Next man makes a move, the n***** gets it!"
"He's not bluffing!"
posted by notsnot at 11:47 AM on April 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's kind of like Sex House. Well without the sex, or the house. But with the desperation.

I'm absolutely in love with the lede in Cheryl Hartz' story in the Prescott Valley Tribune. "Although participants are getting an eagle-eye view, this project is not for the birds." She's probably still chuckling to herself over that one.
posted by Nelson at 11:47 AM on April 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


At first I laughed at the men on the scissor lift, but then I started thinking about the word SunDog, and pictured a little white-yellow schipperke, glowing with intense radiant energy, little solar flares periodically emerging from his luminescent fur, and now I'm actually really excited about this image.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:47 AM on April 25, 2013 [9 favorites]


I know I can't be the only one thinking of Homer's hunger strike to keep the Springfield Isotopes. I don't think this will end as well.

"Dancin' away my hunger pangs,
Movin' my feet so my tummy won't hurt,
I'm kind of like Jesus,
But not in a sacreligious waaay..."

(or something like that)
posted by emjaybee at 11:48 AM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


"Alien craft approaches the scissor lift". This could be a new demographic for them.
posted by arcticseal at 11:51 AM on April 25, 2013


Unless I missed it, neither one of those articles addresses the bathroom issue. They've been up there since Sunday?
posted by jbickers at 11:52 AM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


At least they're not dropping turkeys.

I have literally been looking through synopses of old WKRP episodes to see if they actually did something like this.

The closest I've got (other than Thanksgiving) is the one where Johnny and Venus get drunk on air as part of a drinking and driving PSA.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:53 AM on April 25, 2013


Because future archaeologists needed to be able to piece together even more reasons why this civilization crumbled.
posted by item at 11:54 AM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


The song emjaybee mentions. (warning: autoplay)

Related: if you ever find someone who doesn't mind you singing this song when they are making dinner for you and you are hungry, put a ring on it.

And what about... on preview, the question jbickers asks. #1 seems easy, #2... More like sun prairie doggin' it.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:55 AM on April 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


I have literally been looking through synopses of old WKRP episodes to see if they actually did something like this.

Turkeys Away
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:55 AM on April 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Approximately 70% of people over the age of, say, 40 immediately thought "With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." :-(
posted by Eyebeams at 11:55 AM on April 25, 2013 [24 favorites]


Turkeys Away

Not Safe For Bladder Control
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:56 AM on April 25, 2013


How much are the tickets?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:58 AM on April 25, 2013


I know I can't be the only one thinking of Homer's hunger strike to keep the Springfield Isotopes.

They're just waiting for Duffman to show up.
posted by dry white toast at 11:58 AM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


I guess you could say…

•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

That Sundog don't hunt.

YEAAAAHHHHHH!
posted by ob1quixote at 12:01 PM on April 25, 2013 [13 favorites]


Unless I missed it, neither one of those articles addresses the bathroom issue. They've been up there since Sunday?

You missed it.

They have a pulley to raise food and lower their waste.
posted by blue t-shirt at 12:02 PM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm planning on buying a big batch of season tickets just as soon as my check clears. Not sure how long that's going to take, so just hang in there, guys! I'll be in touch!
posted by vibrotronica at 12:04 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Okay then. Any situation that can be accurately described with the phrase "[object] to lower their waste" is one that should be avoided.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:05 PM on April 25, 2013 [14 favorites]


They have a pulley to raise food and lower their waste.

Sooooo ... they're crapping in a bag and then lowering it to the ground, where some other poor schmuck has to dispose of it. And they can't wash their hands.

Suddenly, turkeys sounds perfectly reasonable.
posted by jbickers at 12:06 PM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Eyebeams: Approximately 70% of people over the age of, say, 40 immediately thought "With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." :-(

I'm only 37, but I sure as heck thought that as soon as I read the headline "When Minor League Hockey Promotions Go Wrong"
posted by Rock Steady at 12:10 PM on April 25, 2013


I wonder if they factored the daily rental cost of the lift into their business plan.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:11 PM on April 25, 2013 [15 favorites]


Is it possible that their problem is that they've overestimated the demand for hockey in Arizona?
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:14 PM on April 25, 2013 [7 favorites]


They've built their incentive backwards. People want to seem the stranded and exposed, so they don't buy tickets. If they'd structured it such that they'll come down as soon as an hour period elapses without a ticket sale, then we could keep them in the air perpetually with a small cron job, and they'd sell at least 24 tickets a day, forever.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 12:16 PM on April 25, 2013 [19 favorites]


Is it possible that their problem is that they've overestimated the demand for hockey in Arizona?

It's not just hockey in Arizona; it's season tickets to minor league hockey in Arizona. 300 may be a tad optimistic.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:18 PM on April 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


At this point they're vividly demonstrating how much the community does not care to see any hockey.

(Or how much they enjoy watching grown men torture themselves.)

("Great PR campaign, now EVERYBODY knows how little interest there is in our team!")
posted by LooseFilter at 12:20 PM on April 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


So basically they're shitting where they eat?
posted by mike_bling at 12:20 PM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's not just hockey in Arizona; it's season tickets to minor league hockey in Arizona. 300 may be a tad optimistic.

Hey, a couple of years ago, the NHL's Phoenix Coyotes were giving away free booze with their tickets. They lose so much money the league has owned the team for the last 3+years. I don't think it's just minor hockey that has this problem.
posted by dry white toast at 12:25 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


According to the production team, the Turkeys Away episode of WKRP was based on an actual incident in Atlanta.
posted by TedW at 12:27 PM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


And now I have to watch Hands on a Hard Body again.
posted by The Bellman at 12:33 PM on April 25, 2013


And now I have to watch Hands on a Hard Body again.

NSFW, I presume?
posted by goethean at 12:35 PM on April 25, 2013


If you look at this as a ticket sales promotion, you'd have to conclude it's a failure. But if you look at it as a performance-art monument to Gary Bettman's fetid legacy as NHL commissioner, it's almost perfect. And if we could fly in, say, firefighters from Hamilton to rescue the guys on the platform, it would achieve true perfection.
posted by gompa at 12:47 PM on April 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Hands on a Hard Body

The musical?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:49 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


IT'S TIME TO PLAY CATCH IT AND YOU KEEP IT!!!

I'm dressed as a turnip
posted by Confess, Fletch at 12:50 PM on April 25, 2013


then I started thinking about the word SunDog, and pictured a little white-yellow schipperke, glowing with intense radiant energy, little solar flares periodically emerging from his luminescent fur, and now I'm actually really excited about this image.

Really? I'm imagining a huge dog at the center of a solar system, occasionally belching and farting out streams of smaller dogs 100s of 1000s of miles long, which amaze astronomers before falling back into the mass of the larger dog.

I think I prefer your image....
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:58 PM on April 25, 2013


See this quarter? It used to be a nickel.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:59 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Really? I'm imagining a huge dog at the center of a solar system . . .

You're both wrong. God I loved that game.
posted by The Bellman at 1:06 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


It must take some pretty big brass balls to expect a municipality to fund your organ-enhancement "toy" to the tune of over $20 million a year, but that seems to be the norm these days. Building arenas and leasing them to teams and others at rates which cover costs is one thing, but just giving them money? Not so awesome.
posted by wierdo at 1:10 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Where are all of the theater nerds lecturing us about scissor lift safety?
posted by boo_radley at 1:13 PM on April 25, 2013


Promotions gone wrong for a minor league hockey team, and no one thinks of the Charleston Chiefs?
posted by Zonker at 1:17 PM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Maybe this is Canadian of me, but I'd characterize Slap Shot as a promotion gone really really right.
Unless you're talking about the promotions depicted in the film, in which case, carry on.
posted by gohabsgo at 1:23 PM on April 25, 2013


Where are all of the theater nerds lecturing us about scissor lift safety?

They're chasing a floating head down the Hudson.
posted by Kabanos at 1:25 PM on April 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Where are all of the theater nerds lecturing us about scissor lift safety?

*raises hand* I work in theater. The nerds are not the drivers, they are the speed bumps. I have personally driven a scissor lift over curbs and down Broadway in Times Square. There were no nerds present.
posted by nevercalm at 1:31 PM on April 25, 2013


"As God is my witness...I thought turkeys could fly..."

So glad I'm not the only one who IMMEDIATELY thought of this.
posted by NedKoppel at 1:33 PM on April 25, 2013


It's like Saint Simeon, but to sell hockey tickets instead of getting closer to God.
posted by weston at 2:07 PM on April 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'd love to go see some minor league hockey, but the trek out to Aviator Sports and Event Center from where I live in Eastern Queens put me off. Since the Brooklyn Aviators no longer exist, I guess not a lot of other people were making the trek.
posted by Jahaza at 2:13 PM on April 25, 2013


Oh, here's something from a couple days ago over on Shorpy. These guys are wimps.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:18 PM on April 25, 2013


Kabanos: "They're chasing a floating head down the Hudson."

Probably yelling "THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU OBSERVED SAFETY PROTOCOL", no doubt.
posted by boo_radley at 2:29 PM on April 25, 2013


Hahaha, idiots. If I had been intending to purchase tickets, I definitely would have delayed, just to see how long they'd stay up there.

Then again, I don't see the point of sports at all, so I never would have bought tickets to begin with.
posted by brenton at 2:58 PM on April 25, 2013


From the comment section of the DeadSpin link:

"Jason and Chris have killed Brad, dining on his flesh...Chris very weak, Jason drinking his own urine...50 tix left to go!"

"We have barred the lift, but the tickets are not selling. The pulley shakes. We cannot get out. Bankruptcy shadows us. We cannot get out. They are not coming!"

posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:09 PM on April 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's like a dunk tank where the poor guy falls in the water every 30 seconds unless you hit the target. Just stand back and watch the show, man.
posted by echo target at 3:24 PM on April 25, 2013




Okay then. Any situation that can be accurately described with the phrase "[object] to lower their waste" is one that should be avoided.

The Chicago way would have been to raise the entire city above the waste and then flush it downstate.
posted by srboisvert at 7:47 PM on April 25, 2013


Oh my god. That twitter feed is hilarious. It's mostly mundane stuff - pizza orders, the music being played. But then there's these occasional, chillingly deadpan lines that read like something from Scott's Antarctic diaries:

Shivers replace sunburn as we prepare for hopefully the final evening.

Amazing. Amazing.
posted by ZaphodB at 8:28 PM on April 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


boo_radley: "Where are all of the theater nerds lecturing us about scissor lift safety?"

They really can be deadly.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:15 AM on April 26, 2013


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