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What's big, yellow, can open a door, and doesn't like being in a closet?
June 17, 2013 6:48 PM   Subscribe

"Bored of being in a dark room, she flips on the light, opens the door and bails. This particular episode takes place at 1am. This is why we keep doors locked with her around. We don't need her harassing the neighbors..." Julius Escaping.
posted by codacorolla (126 comments total) 42 users marked this as a favorite

 
(clicks video, it starts to play)

What? What is this? What is Julius? A cat? A dog? Someone in a gorilla suit? Maybe J--OH MY GOD.
posted by JHarris at 6:53 PM on June 17, 2013 [29 favorites]


(I honestly thought Julius was like a gigantic banana at first, and this would turn out to be a joke video. Ha! Ha! ........ha.)
posted by JHarris at 6:54 PM on June 17, 2013 [67 favorites]


!
posted by wotsac at 6:55 PM on June 17, 2013


... And now I'm terrified.
posted by Kevin Street at 6:55 PM on June 17, 2013


I'd love to know if Julius was just flailing about at random, or deliberately opened the door. (Also, guys, try not to explain precisely what Julius is. Let's keep it interesting).
posted by Mr. Excellent at 6:55 PM on June 17, 2013


WOW! Good job, indeed.
posted by Cookbooks and Chaos at 6:56 PM on June 17, 2013


THUNK.
posted by chrominance at 6:57 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'm still a little disturbed... but I like Julius. At least she's not a spider. I wonder what they feed her?
posted by JHarris at 6:58 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


NIGHTMURRRS
posted by sweetkid at 6:58 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


OH CHRIST -- !

I had a Julius of my own, years ago, although much smaller and less colorful. I was a high schooler, living in a boarding school dorm, and I was keeping him for school purposes, on the good if highly conditional graces of the dean (long story). I got to be a light sleeper, even after I finally figured out how many textbooks it took to weigh down the lid of his box. I'll never forget waking up suddenly to see him almost all the way to the floor.

Missed him after I had to give him away, though. He was a good cuddle partner, in his way. Loved to be warm.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:58 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


I can sort of agree Mr. Excellent, but it makes it hard to talk about her, and I'd like to hear more about the details of her life.
posted by JHarris at 6:59 PM on June 17, 2013


I. Um.

I....

I....need to go nail all my doors shut now.
posted by xingcat at 6:59 PM on June 17, 2013 [8 favorites]


oh god I was going to clean out the spare room tonight

nope nope nope nope nope
posted by jetlagaddict at 6:59 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


Also from the same user: KID VS. JULIUS
posted by JHarris at 7:04 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


(Also, while it's not Julius-related, the same kid vs. cat.)
posted by JHarris at 7:06 PM on June 17, 2013


"Can you kiss Julius?"

NO. I mean NO. NO NO NO lady. I am all about kids learning that every animal is interesting and fun. But do not get that tender little toddler neck so close to Julius.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:07 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


That is just insane.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:07 PM on June 17, 2013


She doesn't even have arms. Imagine how much trouble Julius could get to with opposable thumbs.

Bonus removable face!
posted by jeather at 7:08 PM on June 17, 2013


Also from the same user: KID VS. JULIUS

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.
posted by R. Schlock at 7:08 PM on June 17, 2013


And if you want a better idea of how long she is.
posted by jeather at 7:09 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


(Why aren't my video links getting the little inline link?)
posted by jeather at 7:10 PM on June 17, 2013


The same kid, when younger, visiting Julius
POOR JULIUS SHEDS HER SKIN
Julius makes this noise when she's not getting enough attention
Apparently Julius is a TV star
posted by JHarris at 7:12 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


And if you want a better idea of how long she is.

Taunting a python that can open doors in the dark does not seem like a wise policy.
posted by longdaysjourney at 7:13 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Damn, that's awesome.
posted by rtha at 7:14 PM on June 17, 2013


What's this? Big Bird is coming out as gay? Why that's OH JESUS CHRIST
posted by dr. boludo at 7:15 PM on June 17, 2013 [19 favorites]


Why did it have to be...
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:15 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Eee hee hee, great video. click... creak... SPAFF. My brain went the same way as JHarris's, wondering something about a giant banana before the truth was revealed.
posted by theatro at 7:16 PM on June 17, 2013


Just avoid the sock puppet video oh my god.
posted by jeather at 7:17 PM on June 17, 2013


oh thank god it lives across the seas
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:17 PM on June 17, 2013


Not the most dignified video of Julius
The process of feeding (warning: dead bleeding rabbit)
posted by JHarris at 7:19 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's a cute, funny yellow monkey, i'm guesNOPE...NO IT ISN'T.
posted by uosuaq at 7:20 PM on June 17, 2013


I innocently assumed Julius was a cat (why? I don't know...) so yeah, surprise!!!! vastly large yellow...OMG GIANT SNAKE!
posted by supermedusa at 7:22 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


THAT IS THE WRONGEST SORT OF CAT

WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP CAT IS THAT
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 7:22 PM on June 17, 2013 [106 favorites]


There are many many more videos of Julius some pages back. I feel like I'm stalking that poor snake looking for them though.
posted by JHarris at 7:23 PM on June 17, 2013


Let's see, this is... more than 5000 miles away from me. Okay then that's fine.
posted by rlk at 7:24 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Julius' neighbors are in need of a hero.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:25 PM on June 17, 2013


What, you people don't find this absolutely adorable in every single way?

I don't think I can stay on Metafilter anymore.
posted by solarion at 7:26 PM on June 17, 2013 [10 favorites]


For what its worth, Julius has her own Facebook page. I mean, of course she does.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:28 PM on June 17, 2013


I was going to immediately suggest they switch to round doorknobs, but I doubt even those would stop Julius.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 7:29 PM on June 17, 2013


Oh no! Also, she passed away in March 2012:
No gentle way to say this, but Julius has passed on. A mystery systemic infection wrought havoc on her at lightning speed, and after a mere 72 hours, she'd all but given up. She was spared any further suffering and euthanized Friday afternoon. I want to thank everyone for the love and support in this difficult time, and throughout the years she's been with us. She will be lovingly remembered, and sorely missed. R.I.P. Miss Thang, ? - 9 März 2012.
Now I am sad.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:29 PM on June 17, 2013 [9 favorites]


Julius is curious
Here she is caught in the act

Awww poor snakey.
posted by JHarris at 7:31 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


Tomorrow, I'm starting a mongoose breeding business.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:34 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


All right, my first reaction was mild terror, followed by searching for other videos and pictures so I could be freaked out more, but she really was a gorgeous creature. Really lovely and she was very well cared for by her humans.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:34 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]


Really lovely and she was very well cared for by her humans.

Yeah for all that I will have giant banana-snake nightmares, she seems to have had a lovely home with lovely people, which is always a good thing.
posted by jetlagaddict at 7:42 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


This is the exact opposite of "good job".
posted by scalefree at 7:52 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


What if they have another python?

What if Julius taught that python everything she learned before she died?

What if that other python has not only learned to open doors, but can now order airline tickets?

No one is safe.
posted by RakDaddy at 7:53 PM on June 17, 2013 [28 favorites]


I never knew snakes whistle until now.
posted by codacorolla at 7:53 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


Daww Julius! My favorite large snake not at my local zoo. She whistles when she's bored! It is so cute!
posted by strixus at 7:55 PM on June 17, 2013


Not the most dignified video of Julius

Between this video and the fact that Julius went to snake heaven before devouring her owners* in the middle of the night so I no longer need to worry, this thread has redeemed itself for me.

* but not, I assure you, until after working out a plan on specifically how to devour her owners when the time came
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 7:59 PM on June 17, 2013


So I am utterly terrified of snakes. I mean completely. But it whistles? What the fuck. Thank god I read the comments.
posted by khaibit at 8:04 PM on June 17, 2013


After watching this, I couldn't help but be reminded of Al Wilson's song "The Snake."
posted by ogooglebar at 8:07 PM on June 17, 2013


After watching this, I couldn't help but be reminded of Al Wilson's song "The Snake."

Don't know why that song is credited to Al Wilson. Oscar Brown Jr wrote it.
posted by dobbs at 8:16 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Julius makes this noise when she's not getting enough attention.

This is now the soundtrack to all my nightmares.
posted by malthusan at 8:16 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


why would you train a python to do this
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:17 PM on June 17, 2013


Julius Squeezer
Et tu, Brute?
posted by isopraxis at 8:18 PM on June 17, 2013 [7 favorites]


There is a scary story by M. R. James which has whistling in it. The snakie's noise reminded me of the story and, uncharacteristically for James' work, provides an answer to what the spooky thing is.

I feel really sorry that, in order to make sure it was the right story when I linked it, I read it and now will not sleep.
posted by winna at 8:27 PM on June 17, 2013


That was no mysterious systematic infection.

No charge, people.

Sleep well.
posted by Devonian at 8:29 PM on June 17, 2013


Yes, dr. boludo. I totally thought this was going to be about Big Bird, too!
posted by trip and a half at 8:43 PM on June 17, 2013


Julius's side of the door.
posted by jamaro at 8:49 PM on June 17, 2013


Also from the same user: KID VS. JULIUS

Kids & snakes: YMMV
posted by fredludd at 8:51 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


He's beautiful, but he's the funniest looking yellow lab I've ever seen. RIP Yellow Julius.
posted by Room 641-A at 8:52 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


I wonder what they feed her?

Your pets. Perhaps your children. How large are you, by the way?

RIP, though. You'll live on in people's nightmares.
posted by tyllwin at 9:13 PM on June 17, 2013


why would you train a python to do this

madcap adventures!
posted by elizardbits at 9:14 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


OMG. Kaa married the White Cobra and had a beautiful baby.
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:17 PM on June 17, 2013


I just about died laughing when that giant snake went SLAP on the floor like a ham.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:24 PM on June 17, 2013 [15 favorites]


That TV clip of the vet making a house call.... You know how they say people come to resemble thier pets and vice versa? Something about the eyes, i think. Sharp black button eyes and blond hair half-bleached white.
posted by Diablevert at 9:41 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anyone who's ever dealt with reptiles will recognize that for a snake, this is Einstein-level behavior.
posted by 1adam12 at 9:43 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


The poor thing, that smack.

We over estimate ourselves, humans.
posted by Xoebe at 10:44 PM on June 17, 2013


Yeah I totally figured "cute yellow lab video! Dawww.... AAAAAAH!"
posted by Joh at 10:47 PM on June 17, 2013


> I just about died laughing when that giant snake went SLAP on the floor like a ham.

Me too! And then I got all confused by the comments. Julius is awesome.
posted by desuetude at 10:52 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


Also, great post title!
posted by Joh at 10:53 PM on June 17, 2013


Julius makes this noise when she's not getting enough attention

that noise freaked my birds right the hell out
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:11 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


I wouldn't want one of them swimming up me arse.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 11:30 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Give that snake a beagle puss and a one way ticket to Washington
and I’ll bet he can unlock some doors. You go Julius!
posted by quazichimp at 12:10 AM on June 18, 2013


CTRL+F "Orange Julius"

I am disappoint.
posted by dubold at 2:15 AM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


on the one hand, cute

on the other hand, in the video where creepyvoice mommy is trying to get baby to kiss Julius, AIIIEEEEE DON'T DULL YOUR CHILD'S SURVIVAL INSTINCT LIKE THAT
posted by threeants at 2:26 AM on June 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ok, I take the cuteness back, the "Here she is caught in the act" video gave me a deep, icy terror, like House of Leaves, except with slow and methodical giant snakes instead of architecture
posted by threeants at 2:29 AM on June 18, 2013


I just love the *thump* when she finally gets the door open. It's like "Ahhh, there we go. Now...where are the humans?"
posted by Katemonkey at 2:35 AM on June 18, 2013


I can't believe nobody has yet commented on the video of the man poking the python with a zucchini, if for no other reason than when will you ever get another legitimate opportunity to use "poking the python with a zucchini" in a sentence?
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:38 AM on June 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


Metafilter: the most pants-wettingly terrifying of the web

*throws iPhone across room, curls up in ball and sobs*
posted by Salamander at 2:49 AM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Poor snake.
posted by pracowity at 3:30 AM on June 18, 2013


imagine trying to take Julius to the vet, as opposed to getting a house call. Cat carrier? Giant box? Just throw the snake in car and hope she doesn't get bored and open car doors on the freeway?
posted by angrycat at 3:42 AM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


That first video was only terrifying from the point the door went open and something disturbingly yellow and phallic came through, to the point where it finally registrered that it was just some big yellow snake.
posted by MartinWisse at 3:43 AM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I hope that THUNK wasn't painful.
posted by DU at 4:09 AM on June 18, 2013


I once owned a Burmese python roughly Julius' size, for 9 years. He too was excellent at escaping, and did so from each of the 3 cages I built for him over the years. I did finally hit on an "escape-proof" design, but by then, my taste for the thing was gone. They're neat animals, and surprisingly gentle. However, I started to tire of killing rabbits for it, cleaning up it's stinky poop and even stinkier pee. I gave him to Ray's Reptiles where supposedly he is entertaining children across Ontario. A happier ending at least.
posted by xmattxfx at 4:19 AM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


THAT IS THE WRONGEST SORT OF CAT

WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP CAT IS THAT


This is maybe my favorite comment in the history of Metafilter.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:23 AM on June 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


Welp, I now want one. If only to terrorize neighborhood children with. Or to cuddle.
Except I now know they're gross thanks to xmattxfx.
posted by missriss89 at 5:14 AM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Too early in the morning for this. Going to go cry myself back to sleep.
posted by deathpanels at 5:17 AM on June 18, 2013


How does one even um, obtain a Julius?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:21 AM on June 18, 2013


Julius colors are strikingly beautiful, but still: yeech.
posted by klarck at 5:32 AM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


My daughter had a pet snake for awhile. The arrival of my grand-children convinced her she should re- home him. I used to snake sit for him. The way they handled the sanitary issue was to feed him while he was in a huge plastic storage bin. Of course they supervised this so he didn't get out. Snakes generally poop right after they eat. They'd pop him back into his tank and then hose the bin down and disinfect it. It still was a smelly business.
He was Avery cool snake. When I watched him all I had to do was pour water through the screen on his cage into a bowl.
He probably made a couple attempts to escape. They all do sooner or later. Snakes just wanna have fun..
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 6:19 AM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I thought Julius turned on the light in a darkroom, and I figured, yeah, you would keep a person locked up for that.
posted by haunted by Leonard Cohen at 6:36 AM on June 18, 2013


One hopes Julius lives on as a handsome pair of boots, or at least a belt.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:05 AM on June 18, 2013


That is definitely not what I expected to be coming out that door.

DU, I doubt it -- it wasn't at any height it wouldn't commonly reach in the wild.
posted by tavella at 9:40 AM on June 18, 2013


I don't have any kind of snake phobia (other than, I don't want to be poisoned/eaten by one) but I would still be freaked out if I went to someone's house and they had an animal this size. Much like my distant relatives who have a wolf-dog cross that is huge and that I didn't know about until it greeted me at the door when we visited.

In general, keeping animals that are capable of killing and/or eating you just seems like a bad idea, even if they never show signs of wanting to. There are so many small and harmless pets out there.
posted by emjaybee at 9:47 AM on June 18, 2013


i laughed so hard at her in her feeding sock as linked by JHarris that i snorted enough to make me choke on my own spit and then i spent a good minute coughing so thanks
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 10:49 AM on June 18, 2013


Can an official snakeologist explain the purpose of the googlysock if there indeed exists one beyond "lol forever"?
posted by elizardbits at 11:39 AM on June 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


I assumed it was to keep the snakey from going all "I'm gonna eat that rabbit! And also your arm! And also whatever your face and heart and smiles and soul as long as I get rabbit!" until the owner is ready to give the snakey the rabbit. Keep it docile like and slightly disoriented.

But I am not a snakeologist.
posted by sweetkid at 11:43 AM on June 18, 2013


Julius reminds me of snake cake. I love seeing captive reptiles kept well and loved. Metafilter + snakes = nothing but good associations, for me.
posted by Lou Stuells at 12:05 PM on June 18, 2013


In general, keeping animals that are capable of killing and/or eating you just seems like a bad idea, even if they never show signs of wanting to. There are so many small and harmless pets out there.

And yet so many MeFites have kittehs. Of course many of them are secretly afraid of dying alone in the apartment with a hungry cat.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:54 PM on June 18, 2013


Of course many of them are secretly afraid of dying alone in the apartment with a hungry cat.

why won't this lonely dead people with cats eating their face off trope die already
posted by sweetkid at 12:58 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


We're afraid to let it die.


Because of the cats.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:09 PM on June 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


My issue would be less the ability to kill you, since anyone keeping a non-miniature dog is doing that, as that like parrots, it's a pet with a huge responsibility chain. You have a reasonable chance of rehoming your cat or dog if life changes in such a way that you can no longer care for them; your 20 foot long fully grown python is a much dicier proposition.

Though in this case they got it as a rescue from an abusive situation, so I don't have an issue with these particular owners, more the entire concept of boas as privately held pets.
posted by tavella at 1:30 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love the sexy whistle of a lady snake.
posted by homunculus at 2:28 PM on June 18, 2013


Julius, 4:30 AM perimeter check
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:32 PM on June 18, 2013


And yet so many MeFites have kittehs. Of course many of them are secretly afraid of dying alone in the apartment with a hungry cat.

At least the kitty will only kill you inadvertently by hunting your legs while you're walking down the stairs. And they're fluffy mammals.
posted by ersatz at 3:06 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


The sock is a brilliant solution to snakey smelling dinner and excitedly striking at the first thing it sees moving. The teeth are angled backward so disengaging needs to be done with care, since most keepers don't want to damage their pet's mouth even if they get bitten.
posted by Lou Stuells at 3:06 PM on June 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


That's one big banana slug.
posted by skippyhacker at 3:30 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


NOPE I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE AND I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING

GRANT(to Ellie)
It's just the two raptors, right? You're sure the third
one's contained?

ELLIE
Yes, unless they figured out how to open doors.


...clever julius
posted by myelin sheath at 4:13 PM on June 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


"CTRL+F "Orange Julius"

I am disappoint.
"

ahem.
posted by Room 641-A at 4:58 PM on June 18, 2013


I was just watching some of the other Julius videos and at one point Julius put her face right up to the camera and the words emerged spontaneously and irresistibly from my mouth:

"Hello Julius! Who's a big snake! Are you a big snake? Are yoooou a big snake? Yes you are! Yes you are!"

I would have tried to scritch her behind the ears if she was there in person.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:38 PM on June 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Julius, 4:30 AM perimeter check vimeo

I'm sorry Julius has slithered off this mortal coil or whatever amongst other reasons is imagine the wackiness that would ensue if somebody tried to burgle their house. It would probably only be wacky in my head version of it, but still.
posted by angrycat at 5:47 PM on June 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think this is all kinds of awesome, but don't have your infant kissing a reptile. Baby's got an underdeveloped immune system, and Julius, like all reptiles is a salmonella carrier.
posted by Sunburnt at 8:35 PM on June 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


What's big, can open a door, and doesn't like being in a closet?
posted by chrismear at 3:50 AM on June 19, 2013 [14 favorites]


I'm glad Julius and fam could enjoy each others company. I would have run screaming from the room, myself, and I say this as someone who has shaken hands with an adult desert crocodile (or possibly a dwarf Nile croc, local taxonomy is not my specialty).
posted by solotoro at 5:08 AM on June 19, 2013


I don't say this often, but LOL, at chrismear.
posted by JHarris at 12:48 PM on June 19, 2013


What's big, can open a door, and doesn't like being in a closet?

I watched the closet door expectantly for a good 30 seconds before I realized you have to click to start the video.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 4:05 PM on June 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


What's big, can open a door, and doesn't like being in a closet?

THUNK thud thud
posted by codacorolla at 8:50 PM on June 19, 2013


emjaybee: "I don't have any kind of snake phobia "

A phobia is in irrational fear of something. Being afraid of snakes is not a phobia.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:45 AM on June 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm sorry Julius has slithered off this mortal coil

I see what you did there.
posted by scalefree at 7:00 AM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


A phobia is in irrational fear of something. Being afraid of snakes is not a phobia.

Well from that standpoint neither is a fear of cars. Which are much much much more likely to damage you.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:38 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


You're more likely to get harmed by a cat, because you're around cats more often and I guess they are generally more aggressive than your average snake. But if I was traipsing through a jungle and had a choice between bumping into a felis domesticus or a snake, I'm going to have to go with the house cat every time.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:55 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


dude no fucking way because HOW HARDCORE WOULD THAT CAT HAVE TO BE

it would be death cat, murderer of the jungle
posted by elizardbits at 8:23 PM on June 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


YOU SEE it is starting
posted by JHarris at 9:22 PM on June 21, 2013


Dammit, my neighbor wrote that, ignore. (Or don't?)
posted by JHarris at 9:22 PM on June 21, 2013


[muffled inception noise playing in the distance]
posted by elizardbits at 11:39 PM on June 22, 2013


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