So some tigers in China

December 6, 2001 9:01 PM

So some tigers in China aren't getting any action when they should be. As a last ditch effort, they will be given the miracle drug, Viagra. Just for kicks, who thinks it'll work? (side note: the last paragraph in the article lends a whole new meaning to "Discovery Channel")
posted by dai (12 comments total)

The question is, have they tested it on animals, which I assume must have been done for toxicity alone, and if so, did it alter their sexual behaviors? Viagra is not only a drug but a concept--animals, not having language, haven't been taught the expectations that come with it. The subject of Viagra's social and cultural implications, national and international, is fascinating to me. The one upside I had not considered until this moment is the positive enviromental aspects of Viagra--if it cuts into the trade of rhino horn and such used as aphrodiacs in traditional Chinese medicine, it's good for the planet as well as millions of libidos. Short answer: worth a try.
posted by y2karl at 9:22 PM on December 6, 2001

Just now bothered to read to the end--Whoo, panda porn, too!

But what about the panda children?
posted by y2karl at 9:25 PM on December 6, 2001

Panda porn, eh? I bet Ron Jeremy had a cameo.

Besides, tiger penis is already an aphrodisiac.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:35 PM on December 6, 2001

y2karl: I don't understand what you mean about Viagra being a 'concept'. Contrary to popular notions, and uncounted millions of jokes on e-mail humor lists, it is not an aphrodisiac, it does not create sexual desire where none existed before. It enables erection when sexual desire is present, in the case of certain disease states (such as diabetic neuropathy) that prevent it.

It sounds like the tigers have what would be called in humans 'inhibited sexual desire'. Viagra won't help that. I think the panda porn films were a better idea; have they been tried with the tigers? Tiger pheromones would be ideal, but I have no idea how much is known about them or whether they can be synthesized.

It wouldn't be good to have to grind up and distill down the essence of several tigers to get them.

What the poor tigers really need, of course, is lebensraum. Or even the San Diego Zoo, or the North Carolina Zoo, rather than cramped cages, where they're supposed to perform sex acts for public view, like cam girls.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 9:50 PM on December 6, 2001

Slithy_Tove, don't be silly--the concept comes from what people are told--noted by you up above--as opposed to the physical effects. Tumescence and de-tumescence aside, people think of it as an aphrodisiac, and hence, it is an aphrodiisiac. That it actually does enhance erections physiologically, unlike rhino horn and tiger weenies, only reinforces their expectations.
posted by y2karl at 10:11 PM on December 6, 2001

I hope the cretins in China who think tiger penis is an aphrodisiac hear about this.
posted by pracowity at 10:29 PM on December 6, 2001

Pracowity, they're not necessarily cretins, they're ill-informed. Ignorance is curable (but not with powdered tiger schlong!). I agree, though, that the tiger weenie trade is evil, and I hope the story of the impotent tigers does damage it.


Slithy_Tove: like cam girls

Hee!
posted by sennoma at 1:24 AM on December 7, 2001

> they're not necessarily cretins, they're ill-informed.

Maybe ill-informed, maybe cretinous, maybe both. Maybe even neither, in the way that someone smarter than cretinous but dumber than bright might eat oysters as a joke aphrodisiac without really believing that the slimy things are aphrodisiacal.

In any case, such people's dicks would make better tiger snacks than breeding equipment.
posted by pracowity at 1:55 AM on December 7, 2001

I look at the South China Tiger Project Travelogue (trip funded by Exxon) and weep. All of China's tigers are imprisoned. The South China tiger was nearly made extinct by a government that declared tigers to be "pests." Now China wants to breed them. But tigers in nature are shy and solitary beasts.
posted by Carol Anne at 4:35 AM on December 7, 2001

they're supposed to perform sex acts for public view, like cam girls.

lol, indeed.

on the concept of showing tigers tiget-porn though, that would probably work better than this viagra idea, IMHO.
posted by lotsofno at 5:07 AM on December 7, 2001

The ultimate final test in the Microsoft game Zoo Tycoon is to breed a panda. Not as easy as it sounds. However, in the fictitious gameworld of Zoo Tycoon, it's way too easy to breed Bengal Tigers in comparison. Those things breed worse than rabbits, and the more tigers that show up, the more shelters you need, the more foliage, the more space the tigers require. And if you try selling some off, the other ones get unhappy because you took away their mates. So you have to sell them too and ...oh it's just a mess. I had 45 tigers in one cage at one time. It almost crashed my pooter.

I've never been able to successfully breed one panda. I don't think it's possible to do so. Damn program. Maybe Microsoft will make panda viagra available for download. There's no "panda porn" button in Zoo Tycoon. Sucks.
posted by ZachsMind at 6:45 AM on December 7, 2001

I've never been able to successfully breed one panda.

::On second thought, puts sentence down and walks away whistling::
posted by y2karl at 8:55 AM on December 7, 2001