Let's talk about bikini waxing!

July 3, 2013 7:27 AM

The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Intimate Grooming.
posted by The corpse in the library (53 comments total)

This is so spot on, even for Metafilter, that I'm tempted to flag it as a double.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:31 AM on July 3, 2013 [34 favorites]

Wow, for a new blog this website is exceptionally popular. Should I know these editors from elsewhere?
posted by Think_Long at 7:31 AM on July 3, 2013

36. THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN TO ME BECAUSE I USE A DIVACUP WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE CAN I TELL YOU MORE ABOUT MY DIVACUP ANYTHING BAD YOU’VE HEARD IS A LIE FROM TAMPON COMPANIES

IT'S TRUE!!!!!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:32 AM on July 3, 2013 [14 favorites]

Think_Long, Nicole Cliffe used to write for The Hairpin.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:33 AM on July 3, 2013

These are great, but also demonstrate to me why I am glad I never post in the comments. And these are fairly tame too!
posted by Kitteh at 7:34 AM on July 3, 2013

In before the lock.
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:36 AM on July 3, 2013

I’m Paleo, so I believe that accidentally eating pubic hair is natural, and certainly better than ingesting grains and legumes.

This is where I lost it.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:48 AM on July 3, 2013 [9 favorites]

I wonder if reading this causes the Mefi Mods to have some kind of PTSD flashbacks.
posted by The Whelk at 7:48 AM on July 3, 2013 [18 favorites]

There were a couple of other similar articles linked at the bottom:

The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About PETA
The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Artificial Sweeteners
The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Food Allergies
posted by deadmessenger at 7:52 AM on July 3, 2013 [10 favorites]

Command+f "merkin" 2 results! Win!!
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:54 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

That was amazing.
posted by psoas at 7:54 AM on July 3, 2013

4. Stop trying to make “vulva” happen. “Vulva” is never going to happen.

Not for you, Mister.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:54 AM on July 3, 2013 [39 favorites]

deadmessenger: "The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Food Allergies"

18. The real problem is that we keep all these wussy kids with their food allergies alive instead of letting them die off like nature intended.

19. You know who else suggested things like that?

HA!
posted by zarq at 7:58 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

I have never read such an article, yet I am pretty confident that this is an accurate representation of their comment threads.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 7:58 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Thinklong: also Mallory Ortberg! Who is the best and most amazing!
posted by BrashTech at 8:00 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Between the spot-on I/P derails and the Godwinning, I feel like we're being watched.
posted by zombieflanders at 8:01 AM on July 3, 2013 [6 favorites]

The best was that there actually was a conversation about Divacups, right in the beginning of the comments.
posted by sparklemotion at 8:02 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

"Groupons are destroying small business" pretty much sums up my thoughts on intimate grooming.
posted by mcstayinskool at 8:05 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]

That comment thread got shut down b4 anyone brought up deodorants or vaginal pH balance.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:06 AM on July 3, 2013

Lesson upon reading these articles: sometimes the internets are harmful to my sanity and instinct to survive.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:12 AM on July 3, 2013

Also notable by its absence: otherkin.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:12 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

They forgot "I feel like you're talking about something else" and "WTF? That's insane!"
posted by grubi at 8:24 AM on July 3, 2013

The site's also got Kate Harding from Shapely Prose. It's like a bunch of great feministy writers all got together to write about all sorts of stuff. I'm so excited about the site.
posted by jaguar at 8:33 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

I have never read such an article, yet I am pretty confident that this is an accurate representation of their comment threads.

I have read such articles and it's absolutely accurate.
posted by jeather at 8:36 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Pretty much spot on, but in my experience #43 and 44 occur much earlier in the conversation.

Back in the day on the Ms. Magazine boards, you would also have to include, "Forget waxing! Even trimming your pubic hair is knuckling under to the patriarchy!"
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:36 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also notable by its absence: otherkin.

I'm pretty sure otherkin is a species only found on Tumblr, its native habitat.
posted by deadmessenger at 8:38 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

#26 was the tipping point for me.

Can we agree that the actual litmus test of feminism is whether or not you would ask Gloria Steinem if she has pubes?

The rolling stone gathered pubey moss, and I'm still crying from laughing so hard.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:40 AM on July 3, 2013

I fear the inevitable The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Any Operating System.
posted by grubi at 8:42 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm only here because it's eponysterical for me to comment about what I do or don't do with my private hair.

Also, I'm already on the record here that I pretty much don't do anything with it. This somehow came up in conversation with a friend of mine who is getting a PsyD and he says he's worried about me. "It's basic self care! You'll feel so much better about life when you deal with that."

Which. What a total misunderstanding of depression and body hair, for a double whammy.
posted by bilabial at 8:47 AM on July 3, 2013 [11 favorites]

I didn't see the requisite enlightened dude in support of real women who overplays it a bit, treating it more as an opportunity for self-praise than anything else. Other than that I think this gets them all.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:48 AM on July 3, 2013 [11 favorites]

There were a couple of other similar articles linked at the bottom

I like that "SHUT UP, #8" is kind of a theme in these.

'cos number eight really does need to shut the fuck up.
posted by ook at 8:58 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

I didn't see the requisite enlightened dude in support of real women who overplays it a bit, treating it more as an opportunity for self-praise than anything else. Other than that I think this gets them all.


You mean like the guy who has a good attitude towards menstruation?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:59 AM on July 3, 2013 [9 favorites]

a friend of mine who is getting a PsyD and he says he's worried about me. "It's basic self care! You'll feel so much better about life when you deal with that."

-_-

Keep him away from actual patients, please.
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 9:00 AM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]

41. Excuse me? Why does every generation assume they invented eating pussy? When my husband returned from the Crimean War, the first thing he did was flip my dress up and go to town on me, and I looked like an upside-down Troll doll.

This one broke me: I nearly spit my drink all over my computer I was laughing so hard. (As it is, I just sorta coughed madly and drooled a little on myself, which isn't really anything to brag about ...)

This was great! And clearly they've been keeping tabs on us.
posted by barnacles at 9:05 AM on July 3, 2013 [10 favorites]

Very very funny.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:12 AM on July 3, 2013

50. What about the penis? When a guy gets waxed is that included or do you pay extra? Do they do it automatically or do you have to specify?
posted by ODiV at 10:06 AM on July 3, 2013

I always say "War of 1812" instead of "Crimean War." Must be a regional thing.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:18 AM on July 3, 2013 [4 favorites]

If you want to compare and contrast to real comments thread, I think this is the most recent Metafilter post about pubic hair.
posted by mokin at 11:00 AM on July 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

It is seriously word for word almost the same as the linked thread above (based on my memory, of course).
posted by bquarters at 11:46 AM on July 3, 2013

“Vulva” is never going to happen.

Not for you, Mister.
posted by louche mustachio

...eponysterical?
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:54 AM on July 3, 2013

Okay, long pre-explanation, but maybe the ONLY 'Zombie-Oriented' media I can stand is a webcomic titled "Zombie Roomie", about a guy with a roommate who is a genuine brain-eating zombie, but he doesn't get eaten because, hey, they're roomies. And the comic has slowly expanded to bits and storylines involving other famous fictional monster types (because any universe with co-existing zombies has to have them all, right?) and today's comic is about a too-literal blind date with an Invisible Man, which has maybe the funniest thing I've read bout 'manscaping'.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:01 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Heh.
posted by Mental Wimp at 12:57 PM on July 3, 2013

”First they came for my pits, but I said nothing."

Yeah, I lost it pretty much right at the beginning.

Brilliant.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 3:02 PM on July 3, 2013

27. I’m old as dirt, and I can tell you: time will resolve this whole issue for you, sooner than you think. I have about four hairs left down there, and I’ve given them names.

This made me laugh. And then be afraid.

Caitlin Moran has a great bit about this in How To Be A Woman. Basically she argues it comes from the porn industry, how no hair is a blessing to the director in terms of being able to see more. Many men now pretty much expect women to be hair free and (especially young) women have internalised this. And it's not cheap to keep it like that. I'm paraphrasing (cos my sister stole my copy) but "The patriarchy is charging us for maintenance of our La-Las!" Her word for bush is "Mookie" - which i now love - as in "There's nothing more comforting than lying in a hammock running your fingers through your mookie." (Oh so true.)

(It's a bit unfortunate that the play area my niece goes to is called Mookie World because I fnar every time.)
posted by billiebee at 3:48 PM on July 3, 2013 [5 favorites]

(It's a bit unfortunate that the play area my niece goes to is called Mookie World because I fnar every time.)

Imagine how Mookie Wilson feels.
posted by jonp72 at 3:56 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

I lost it right off the bat at #2 and had to click away, lest I embarrass myself further by having to answer the question "What are you reading?" I'm laughing now just thinking about it, so maybe the clicking away was a useless attempt at staving off the hilarity.
posted by but no cigar at 3:58 PM on July 3, 2013

...apply a poultice of caviar.

And doesn't everyone like caviar?
posted by BlueHorse at 5:57 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

how are we supposed to have a discussion about bikini waxing without a video of a bunch of them being performed? (surprisingly SFW)
posted by sexyrobot at 10:18 PM on July 3, 2013

They DO have Kate Harding! Thank you, Jaguar!
posted by jrochest at 11:10 PM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, the pervasive-all-women-must-wax thing really has made me aware that am I older than dirt, as this was never an issue for me from 1980 or so to around 2009. Also, I will never get laid again since the price seems to be ripping my pubic hair out by the roots.

As I'm now officially an old, this is not likely to happen.

And yes, they do just naturally sort of fade away.
posted by jrochest at 11:16 PM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

Reading the previous thread that mokin linked to has about tripled my enjoyment of this post.
posted by Catch at 12:02 AM on July 4, 2013

Related: there was a rather visceral first-hand account of waxing recently by a reporter for the The Toronto Star, who wanted to try it. The part that stands out:

“Rita [the aesthetician] do you have kids?” I ask breathlessly, before she goes to rip the next strip of wax.
“Yes, hon, two. Why?”
‘RIIIIPPP!’
I weep quietly.
“Having them,” I sputter, “Better or worse than the pain of this?” I ask through clenched teeth.
She lets out a huge belly laugh.
“Oh hon, this is nothing compared to that,” she says, sloshing on more wax.

posted by dry white toast at 6:18 AM on July 4, 2013

STOP READING!

The call is coming from.... inside the house!
posted by cacofonie at 6:23 PM on July 4, 2013