A Game of Brands
July 29, 2013 3:54 PM   Subscribe

Game of Brands: The Game of Thrones Houses as Modern Corporations (Article contains spoilers if you're not up on the end of the current season of the series.) Ads, logos, the whole thing, for such companies as Air Targaeryen, the Lannister Investment Group...

And a later addition, the wedding planners at Frey Celebrations.
posted by mephron (35 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
I laughed out loud at the Greyjoy one. Poor Theon.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:00 PM on July 29, 2013


The update was perfect: "We understand the importance of vows."
posted by ogooglebar at 4:12 PM on July 29, 2013 [4 favorites]


There needs to be a BRAZZERS-esque logo for Baelish Entertainment. (link is technically SFW, but use your best judgment.)
posted by Strange Interlude at 4:12 PM on July 29, 2013 [5 favorites]


Mister Manderly's delicious frozen meat pies!
posted by codacorolla at 4:19 PM on July 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


I spent an unreasonable amount of time trying to figure what "Conquer the flem ents" could mean.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:59 PM on July 29, 2013


Season four can't get here soon enough so Martell gets some love.
posted by mightygodking at 5:19 PM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't buy Greyjoy as a cruise line. Maybe Greyjoy Deep Sea Mining Concern?
posted by Rock Steady at 5:30 PM on July 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


Dornoco. Oil, the blood royal
posted by bonehead at 5:37 PM on July 29, 2013 [3 favorites]


I've already imagined Arbor Gold being in a bottle looking like something semi-cheap and cheesy-but-tasty like Arbor Mist, although I gather the arbor is supposed to be a producer of good wine.

The Tyrells would probably have a Round-Up Ready variety of all major crop seeds.
posted by Kurichina at 6:14 PM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Jon Snow's Harsh Choice: “Play the game, or die like Ned Stark”
posted by homunculus at 6:19 PM on July 29, 2013


ffs george finish the goddam winds of winter so all this pent(os) up energy can go somewhere productive.
posted by lalochezia at 6:23 PM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


should have been a dark maroon for lanister, not blue.
posted by cupcake1337 at 6:41 PM on July 29, 2013


House Bolton's modern-day equivalent should be Dreadfort Pictures: a film production company specializing in Saw-style splatter films.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:10 PM on July 29, 2013 [4 favorites]


Melisandre Consulting.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:45 PM on July 29, 2013 [6 favorites]


Hodor Holdings.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:47 PM on July 29, 2013 [7 favorites]


Hodor.
posted by lordaych at 8:51 PM on July 29, 2013


Mormont Personnel Services
posted by Rock Steady at 8:53 PM on July 29, 2013


Viserys' Visages: Exquisite Casts With A Touch Of Class!(tm)
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:20 PM on July 29, 2013


Davos & Reek Orthopedics
posted by brain_drain at 9:50 PM on July 29, 2013 [1 favorite]


Flea Bottom Fast Food: Try a Bowl of Brown today!
posted by andraste at 10:28 PM on July 29, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would totally watch Game of Mergers and Acquisitions, where instead of flowy dresses and armor everyone's running around in smartly tailored suits, and instead of vaguely-fantastic medieval jargon everyone's talking in businessspeak. But! All of the deaths remain in place.

The first season is about how Ned Stark gets asked by his old friend Robert Baratheon to chair the board of Baratheon Ltd. (the security company concept that they have for it in the article doesn't seem quite right, somehow, though I like how they alluded to a stag with the shield-pendant design) in the wake of the old chair's sudden death, and while he's going through the books he finds something...irregular. When he brings this to Bob's attention, he suddenly finds himself framed for financial crimes by the Lannisters (who are attempting a takeover of Baratheon Ltd.) They offer him a deal: they're going to throw a party, at which he's expected to confess to the crimes and tender his resignation for all Baratheon and Stark business positions. If he does so, and agrees not to bring up what he discovered, they'll leave him alone. He agrees, and then Robert's crazy-ass son (who is not really his son but anyway) just UP AND BRINGS IN A GUY TO BEHEAD HIM and everyone's all SHIT SHIT HOW ARE WE GOING TO COVER THIS UP.

Also, in the third season, reminders are repeatedly dropped about how Tywin Lannister's favorite band is Huey Lewis and the News, and then at Robb Stark's big lavish wedding the DJ starts playing Hip To Be Square, which seems like an unusual choice and then OH NO.

All of these deaths go pretty much uninvestigated because the local police are mostly in someone's (usually the Lannisters') pockets, and because meanwhile at the national fraud investigation unit, they're busy sending officers (well, mostly Jon) undercover to infiltrate Occupy-style anarchy groups.
posted by kagredon at 10:44 PM on July 29, 2013 [13 favorites]


Maester Bräu Brewing Co.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:55 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I spent an unreasonable amount of time trying to figure what "Conquer the flem ents" could mean.

So glad they cut that part out of the Return Of The King film.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:02 AM on July 30, 2013


Clegane Repossession Services - We make them pay!
posted by Vindaloo at 3:55 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Other Temp Agency
Efficiency has blue eyes
posted by hat_eater at 5:37 AM on July 30, 2013


Flea Bottom Fast Food: Try a Bowl of Brown today!

This demands a KFC Famous Bowls-style logo.
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:45 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


And all across the land, Swanson's sells its delicious Lamprey Pie.
posted by surplus at 5:46 AM on July 30, 2013


Perfect analog for Baratheon Security given how they drunkenly stumble and bluster around just like Blackwater. They even latched onto a religion just for political purposes.
posted by surplus at 5:51 AM on July 30, 2013


Florent Financial Services.

I'm already thinking "oh, FFS" when they appear on page.
posted by ersatz at 7:11 AM on July 30, 2013


Baratheon Security just doesn't strike the right note to me, too small. They're the folks who hire the Xes and Blackwaters.

Baratheon Services, "Solving Challenges".
posted by bonehead at 7:24 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Noted boardgame designer and fantasy author Samwell Tarley.
posted by codacorolla at 10:24 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE AT HODOR.COM
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:34 AM on July 30, 2013 [9 favorites]


Perfect analog for Baratheon Security given how they drunkenly stumble and bluster around just like Blackwater.

I forgot that Blackwater's also the name of a real-world mercenary company security group and for a moment I thought "aw, that's a little harsh, Stannis had no way of anticipating Tyrion's chain-and-wildfire stunt."
posted by kagredon at 12:05 PM on July 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


Noted boardgame designer and fantasy author Samwell Tarley.

Didn't he also write for the hit 1980s TV series The Bear & The Maiden Fair?
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:51 PM on July 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


Formatting eBook Error Causes George R.R. Martin’s Name To Randomly Appear In A Feast For Crows
posted by homunculus at 3:22 PM on August 28, 2013


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