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Check yourself before you wreck yourself
July 30, 2013 2:46 AM   Subscribe


 
Needs more euphemisms.
posted by blue_beetle at 3:12 AM on July 30, 2013 [5 favorites]


I think he could have shoehorned a few more euphemisms for balls in there, but all in all a good bit of awareness-raising. Here's hoping his sac comes out swinging.
posted by planetesimal at 3:12 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Balls!
posted by planetesimal at 3:13 AM on July 30, 2013


Needs more euphemisms.

Now now, don't get teste.
posted by fight or flight at 3:13 AM on July 30, 2013 [14 favorites]


Late arrival to this sack race :(
Good news I saw just yesterday.
posted by Abiezer at 3:20 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I know a couple of friends of friends who have had testicular cancer, and one sadly died in his 30s, so its good to see awareness raising. Although I'm kind of trying to get past the idea of raising £100,000 for a hot air balloon rather than, y'know, treatments.

(Btw, why are balls always good for comedy value no matter the topic?)

After all, I am already pretty good at doing the sex and know both positions.
There are two?
posted by billiebee at 3:30 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Had a similar scare myself, also turned out to be a cyst but a sort of free-floating one. What led me to investigate the area was a bout of epididimitis (inflammation of the lining of the nutsack) that I picked up in Egypt.

Get them fondled and checked out guys.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:42 AM on July 30, 2013


There are two?

Yeah, the right one and the wrong one.

Only one gets you pregnant.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 3:45 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read a letter once on a problem page where a girl was convinced that douching with Coca-Cola would prevent pregnancy. Sigh.
posted by mippy at 3:55 AM on July 30, 2013


I remember reading the Coke douche thing in Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex* But Were Afraid To Ask. That book is like anti-sex-education.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 4:02 AM on July 30, 2013




I almost can't believe what the auther scrote down but I have to say it's nuts.

On a more serious note, I'm sure most guys won't need to be told to check themselves but please do, and remember to jerk off occasionally too since that apparently helps out with prostate cancer.

I cannot believe I have typed those words but there you go. Be aware and don't be afraid to speak to your GP about it. It's not shameful to give the genitalmen a once over now and again, particularly as one gets older. Check your balls before you riggity-riggity-wreck your balls as the old saying goes.
posted by longbaugh at 4:07 AM on July 30, 2013


There's a vas defrens between gratuitous ball talk and humor in support of a health issue.

Yes, yes, I've used that pun before, but once I have wrapped my hand around the shaft of a joke I can't let it go until its spent.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:08 AM on July 30, 2013 [10 favorites]


Among the things that men as a whole are shit at doing is taking this sort of thing seriously

Among the things that almost kept me from finishing the piece were the cutesy euphemisms. IT'S LIKE THERE IS BOTH PUSH AND PULL IN HIS WORDS.
posted by psoas at 4:08 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yes, yes, I've used that pun before

So you're saying you're not the cremaster of your own domain?
posted by psoas at 4:09 AM on July 30, 2013 [8 favorites]


Although I'm kind of trying to get past the idea of raising £100,000 for a hot air balloon rather than, y'know, treatments.

Good point, but (1) the successful treatment rate for testicular cancer IF CAUGHT EARLY is 98%, so the main way now to treat testicular cancer IS to raise awareness. Go check! (2) Treatments are free in the UK (although of course I'm sure we could raise money to buy more ultrasound machines or something) so we don't need to raise cash to pay for them - if they're caught early enough anyway. See (1).
posted by alasdair at 4:16 AM on July 30, 2013


That was very Statesmanlike.


(Btw, why are balls always good for comedy value no matter the topic?)

Because there are two, and a Lorena Bobbit-type event wouldn't necessarily be The End of Meaning of Life.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:25 AM on July 30, 2013


I was going to make the Arrested Development "Landscape" reference, but then I remembered I did that already in a fairly recent ball-related thread, so I won't.
posted by Cookiebastard at 4:33 AM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


Although I'm kind of trying to get past the idea of raising £100,000 for a hot air balloon rather than, y'know, treatments.

I hear you, but coming up with new treatments won't work if people don't go out and get themselves diagnosed.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:37 AM on July 30, 2013


At first glance I misread this to be authored by Paula Deen
posted by ossian at 4:41 AM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


This seems like a good place for my favorite joke from when I was ten years old.

What has three balls and comes from outer space?

E.T. the extra-testicle.
posted by orme at 4:43 AM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


This seems like as good a place as any for one of my favorite bits from Beavis and Butthead.

Butthead, doing a mic check: "Testes. Testes. One, two ... three?"
posted by barnacles at 4:50 AM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I liked this, all the wibble and wobble and OH HELL NO.

Because we men are not go... no, we're pretty good with the checking, less so with the follow-up.

Women are all like "so the doctor and I had pap smear...." and men are like "SHUSH".

But it has me wondering about the whole "testicles where they shouldn't be" thing.

This article does a good job at what it sets out to do.

“To build a fully operational hot-air balloon in the shape of a huge scrotum to challenge the taboos & embarrassment surrounding testicular cancer."

Australia has the SkyWhale boobs. Why the hell not?
posted by Mezentian at 4:50 AM on July 30, 2013


Being a numbers guy, I'm tempted to count the number of nicknames he has for his shopping bag of cabbages and his huevos rancheros. But I don't want to read the whole thing again. Maybe MS-word can count them, the way it gives letters and word counts.
posted by surplus at 4:56 AM on July 30, 2013


Maybe I'm insane, but laughed out loud at "too many lumps in my love pudding."
posted by tommasz at 5:25 AM on July 30, 2013


Maybe I'm insane, but laughed out loud at "too many lumps in my love pudding."

You just don't know the pain and disappointment of lumpy love pudding.
posted by Mezentian at 5:31 AM on July 30, 2013


I read the headline and then the sub head, mis-read it as Paula Deen and though "oh geez...what is that woman up to now?".

Now I cannot get the image out of my head.

I will just have to re-read later with a clearer mind.
posted by lampshade at 5:34 AM on July 30, 2013


My friend once discovered a lump on his plums, which (after a week or so of anxiety) turned out to be a harmless but annoying cyst. He chose to have it removed in a simple bit of surgery in his doctor's office. After the procedure, he called to ask if I could pick him up - he didn't think he should drive. This struck me as a bit odd... until I found him in the waiting room, white as a sheet with 5 stitches in his forehead.

Moral of the story: if your doctor offers you a hand mirror and asks if you'd like to watch whilst he slices open your knapsack, just say no. You're probably going to faint and hit something hard on the way down.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 5:43 AM on July 30, 2013 [16 favorites]


A few years ago I found a free floating little lump in my uglysacks. It too turned out to be a cyst, didn't need any kind of invasive treatment at all, not sure I even had to do anything. Doc said pretty much if it wasn't on a nut then it wasn't likely to be anything serious, but that it was always worth checking.
posted by biffa at 5:52 AM on July 30, 2013



“If you’re going to have cancer, it’s the best cancer to have!" she says, in a way that feels a bit too excited.

As I walk home I wonder if I have the Best Cancer, the optimal form of a disease that has killed two of my uncles and one of my aunts. I wonder how that works out, or what it’s like to lie there in a cancer ward and have the person next to you ask what kind of cancer you have, only to reply with "The best!"


Yeah, this was my experience, and it's still kind of freaky eight years on, with no sign of recurrence and having been told I can consider myself cured. I still feel compelled to use the line, even though it still doesn't soften the look of horror on people's faces because they're more used to the types of cancers that hang around like unexploded ordnance.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:53 AM on July 30, 2013


worth it for "It’s way better than looking at some crummy baby."

also, The Underpants Monster: eponysteria at its best
posted by idiopath at 5:54 AM on July 30, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm really glad to see him raising awareness for testicular cancer, for all the reasons already noted. But when I clicked on this, I was picturing an article about a guy who was performing a surreptitious act of self-adjustment when he was caught on a Jumbotron and subsequently laughed at by thousands of people.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:01 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


They pose, coyly.

I'm having this image of Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby.

Seriously though, get your balls checked out.
posted by arcticseal at 6:22 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


I also read it as "Paula Deen". I was confused for a moment but not overly surprised.
posted by Woodroar at 6:51 AM on July 30, 2013


I'm trying to find it, but apparently Samuel L. Jackson has done a similar "dudes, check your balls out and speak up for your own health" type of PSA recently.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:14 AM on July 30, 2013


MetaFilter: Way better than looking at some crummy baby.
posted by Going To Maine at 7:50 AM on July 30, 2013 [2 favorites]


I know a couple of friends of friends who have had testicular cancer, and one sadly died in his 30s, so its good to see awareness raising. Although I'm kind of trying to get past the idea of raising £100,000 for a hot air balloon rather than, y'know, treatments.

Just to echo what someone said above, improving early detection is worth millions of pounds toward treatments.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:51 AM on July 30, 2013


The only way to be completely sure is to obsessively check your balls, everywhere, all the time.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:18 PM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


there's a 3rd possibility - a hernia can put a little bulge of intestine into your love sack - as operations go, it's not too bad ...
posted by pyramid termite at 4:10 PM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


It’s fascinating and sad to hear about what people with good health insurance can do.
posted by bongo_x at 8:02 PM on July 30, 2013


Um, unless the author went through Bupa or some other private healthcare provider, it would have cost him £0 to get it checked, diagnosed and sorted out.
posted by mippy at 7:44 AM on July 31, 2013


I can't imagine how the SkyBalls balloon can possibly live up to the awsomeness of the concept art and patch.
posted by Kabanos at 10:33 AM on July 31, 2013


It’s fascinating and sad to hear about what people with good health insurance can do.

Yeah I forgot to mention above that early detection can save millions of dollars in treatments . . . for a single American patient.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:23 PM on July 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


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