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August 11, 2013 12:42 PM   Subscribe

Chris Sims' amazing pitch for the Superman/Batman movie: "A dang BOOM TUBE opens up, and who comes out? Every Superman and Batman we’ve seen in mass media for the past thirty years." (previously)
posted by kittensofthenight (78 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite

 
Yes.
posted by Artw at 12:56 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hell yes.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:03 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


[this is good]
posted by Elementary Penguin at 1:04 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Huh. He's right in that Man of Steel neglected to introduce Kryptonite, but it DID set the precedence for Anti-Kryptonian Bat-Spray.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 1:05 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


hmmmm.. I'll mention this to the kid....
posted by HuronBob at 1:07 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


That is an amazingly terrible series of ideas.

Sample: George Newburn and Tim Daly are in there in animated form, Space Jam style!

When Sims says "I’m pretty sure literally everyone else in the entire world would hate it" I think we should take him at his word. That's not to say that what he's written isn't a really fun read.

(By the way, when did comics alliance start existing again?)
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 1:07 PM on August 11, 2013


June 3rd.
posted by Artw at 1:10 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


When Sims says "I’m pretty sure literally everyone else in the entire world would hate it" I think we should take him at his word.

Not literally everyone else. I would watch the shit out of that, and never stop high-fiving whoever was sitting next to me.
posted by middleclasstool at 1:14 PM on August 11, 2013 [6 favorites]


All the best people would like it.
posted by Artw at 1:14 PM on August 11, 2013 [12 favorites]


This is so brilliant, we will have to go to Earth-Ultimate to see it.

But it will be in 5-D with Intercranial Broadcast Sound.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:19 PM on August 11, 2013


When Sims says "I’m pretty sure literally everyone else in the entire world would hate it" I think we should take him at his word.

He is, of course, exaggerating. When he says "everyone else in the entire world", he just means the global audience that made the execrable Man of Steel a $647 million box office hit.
posted by Doktor Zed at 1:19 PM on August 11, 2013 [7 favorites]


Those guys suck.
posted by Artw at 1:20 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


At least he takes the time to point how ridiculous a Superman/Batman team up would be, let alone the silliness of them fighting. It's just utterly ridiculous that Batman could beat Superman, based on an almost 30 year old comic book that had some words about Batman beating Superman, when he actually didn't.

A Pacific Rim sequel would make much more sense.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:22 PM on August 11, 2013


I have to admit that after years of people going on about how Batman would totally win in a fight against Superman it would be fun to see Superman kick the shit out of him.
posted by Artw at 1:31 PM on August 11, 2013 [15 favorites]


He's so right that the Christopher Nolan Batman is almost a complete non-entity. Forgetting about comic books and other media, can anyone make the slightest case for how Christian Bale's Batman would react to Henry Cavail's Man of Steel, or what he'd have to say to him?
posted by straight at 1:49 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


But Artw - it's Adam f***ing West.
posted by Curious Artificer at 1:50 PM on August 11, 2013


So the Boom Tube is actually a huge bong, right?
posted by Celsius1414 at 1:53 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Relevant.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 1:55 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Warren Ellis did a Planetary story in which Mr. Cold Guy, Rubber Suit Lady, and Nerd Guy (I can't remember their actual names) travel to a series of alternate universes in which they successively encounter all the Batmen. Mainly the Adam West version, and Frank Miller's Grumpy Psychopath Batman, with a couple other ones thrown in to pad out the idea. It's a good story.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 1:56 PM on August 11, 2013 [5 favorites]


I been working on a pitch too. I'm doing a modern Version that is more relevant to modern viewers.

I'm still polishing this but here is the beginning.

S and B have just become aware major supervillain crime syndicate. They head back to Wayne Manor for a quick debrief in the bat conference room. It is midnight and Alfred is nowhere to be found. They grab a couple Honest Teas from the bat mini fridge and get down to work. Batman opens google docs to take minutes. Bat Browser 7 keeps crashing,He has 12 toolbars. Luckily S can take shorthand. They search the conference room and find a pen a Cisco rep left behind and gather up a stack of bat copier paper.

After agreeing in principal that S is lead on on this particular project. B fires up Visio to rough out the org chart. This is what it looks like: Superman -> Batman. After a few moment of thought B draws an arrow from his name and adds Alfred as his direct report. S argues that Alfred is not a crime fighter per se. B counters that Alfred is a support resource and provides valuable logistics and implementation expertise.

It is now dawn and they agree to table the rest of the discussion until later in the week.

The rest is just as riveting. I'm really hoping this will revive both franchises.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:57 PM on August 11, 2013 [63 favorites]


can anyone make the slightest case for how Christian Bale's Batman would react to Henry Cavail's Man of Steel, or what he'd have to say to him?

They're both orphans, they could potentially bond over this.

"Dude, you're pretty dark."

"My parents were murdered before my eyes!"

"At least you got to know yours. I got shipped off to another freakin' planet and raised by country bumpkins."


"At least you got something. I got a creepy old butler in a giant mansion, who was never interested in anything but me."

"oh man, that's rough. You want grab a beer, shoot some hoops?"
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:58 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've been working on a version where they just have sex with each other. Actually, I've written a whole series of versions of this.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 1:58 PM on August 11, 2013 [19 favorites]


Mr. Cold Guy, Rubber Suit Lady, and Nerd Guy

Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, and the Drummer.

... I didn't even have to look that up. Why can I remember this but not my own postal code?
posted by dipping_sauce at 2:00 PM on August 11, 2013 [11 favorites]


I've been working on a version where they just have sex with each other. Actually, I've written a whole series of versions of this.

That's stupid, 'cause Superman's penis would kill Batman, duh.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:01 PM on August 11, 2013


Warren Ellis did a Planetary story in which Mr. Cold Guy, Rubber Suit Lady, and Nerd Guy (I can't remember their actual names) travel to a series of alternate universes in which they successively encounter all the Batmen. Mainly the Adam West version

Also Batman and Wonder Woman toss Superman out of a space station and he dies and Batman is all like, whatever.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:02 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


But Artw - it's Adam f***ing West.

And that Adam f**king West has the power to take down grimdark Superman where grimdark Batman failed is part of what is glorious about this.
posted by Artw at 2:04 PM on August 11, 2013 [11 favorites]


It is now dawn and they agree to table the rest of the discussion until later in the week.

I assume the action begins when they disagree on whether to call it a scrum or a huddle.
posted by Behemoth at 2:06 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


And that Adam f**king West has the power to take down grimdark Superman where grimdark Batman failed is part of what is glorious about this.

Sure, just using his Superman Repellant Bat Spray on him.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:23 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Bunny Ultramod: You're Warren Ellis?
posted by Grimgrin at 2:24 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is so brilliant, we will have to go to Earth-Ultimate to see it.

But it will be in 5-D with Intercranial Broadcast Sound.


Not when the ticket is thirty-six space-creds. I'll wait to download the neuro-cam.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:44 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's magical thinking, but I hate the fact he mentioned Morrison's Animal Man in a blogpost conceivably being read by movie executives, because that's something that would probably have a worse adaptation than Snyder's Watchmen.

Also, I think the best possible outcome for this after the one mentioned in the above link is one where it'd just doesn't happen and maybe we have a year off from superhero adaptations.
posted by codacorolla at 2:48 PM on August 11, 2013


There is no reason to use anything but the true Batman, the greatest ever, the man who forever redefined the role: George Clooney
posted by thelonius at 2:49 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Movie executive don't read.
posted by Artw at 2:54 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


The limiting factor here is that Man of Steel, in this continuity, came first. Unfortunately. It's hard to to raise the game, conflict-wise, when you start from a point of demolished cities, millions of dead, and two invulnerable dudes punching each other through buildings.

So you don't make their conflict the center of the movie. Hell, they shouldn't even been on screen together until the final act. Batman, in costume, should be the shark from Jaws.

Instead, you make Lois Lane the center of the movie. After being Right About Superman she's been tasked with some interesting assignments, but nothing really has the same thrill as breaking the story that 1) alien life exists 2) it has visited Earth and 3) it has awesome abs. So she starts to slide, taking easy puff pieces to pass the time and keep the paychecks coming. One of these puffs is a series called 'The Other Most Powerful Men In The World' where she interviews major politicians and captains of industry and so on. Lex Luthor is obviously unhappy about the 'other' part of the title and turned down the interview until he found it was Lois doing it. He calls her up and is all like 'Meet me at Hotel X at Time Y if you want this to happen' and she ditches her scheduled interview to meet him.

The interview does not go well. Lex starts to menace Lois, not actually threatening her, but making it pretty clear that Bad Stuff will happen to her if she doesn't spill the beans about Supes. Goons abound, Lois gets all "Do you know who my boyfriend IS?" and Lex lays into her that she doesn't sound like the Lois of old, trying to hide behind the cape of some man and how that's the real evil of Superman - that soon everyone will just hide behind him, faded just like her.

And besides, he smarms, Superman is in Fiji saving people from a tsunami. It's just you, me, and my bagman, John Corben. Lois manages to get away from the pair of them through fierceness and guile, but Lex calls in the rest of the goon squad as Lois flees the hotel.

Where she gets picked up by her originally scheduled interviewee, Bruce Wayne, the scion of Old Money who is Making A Difference. He's doing his whole 'well meaning playboy' schtick but is more than happy to follow her orders to get away from Corben and his goons. Once free, they fail the Bechtel Test by gabbing about Superman. Turns out Bruce has some similar thoughts about Superman as Lex - he's worried about people living in the shadow of a Superman, that Supes doesn't seem to understand what he symbolizes by his very existence, and also how his lack of training/focus left so many people dead. "My Father made one bad decision going down an alley late at night and two people died. He made enough bad choices to kill millions." (Of course, he's speaking from guilt - I'm of the BatB version where it was Bruce's fault the family went to the movies in the first place cuz he threw a snit about a Xmas gift).

Lois starts to have second thoughts about Superman. This is part of Lex and Bruce's plan. Oh, did I mention they're in cahoots? I should have. Kingdom Come and all that. They know they cannot defeat Superman physically, but they can take away the reasons he has for sticking around Earth. Bruce keeps negging Supes, while Lex's Star Labs contacts keep releasing more information about "More Kryptonians out there, perhaps with entire civilizations, entire worlds". LexCorp and Wayne Industries are also sharing research info from recovered Kryptonian artifacts. Of course, Lex is focused on weapons and such, but Bruce is interested in the medical technology and miniaturization tech recovered from the crashed Ark. This is the seeds of their future suits - Lex's is pretty much Zod's armor re-purposed, while Bruce's is a low tech version with better armor plating or something (he actually ends up throwing it together at the last minute when he sees what Lex is swanning around in). This is where cracks show in their partnership - Bruce is all like "You don't like the man, but you love his toys." and Lex is all "Sometimes you need to stand on the shoulders of giants in order to gouge their eyes out."

Of course, Lex takes things too far and makes his play to get rid of Lois too soon (maybe he thinks he has a shot once Corben gets a shiny metal powersuit/body?) and Bruce has to start to save her behind the scenes, but she catches him in the act and is all like "You're no better than him, thinking you know what's best for me, for all of us!" and that's how Superman finds out that Bruce and Lex were working together and he starts to get all neck snappy but Lois stops him, telling him that if he's better than human than he needs to start acting the part. Lex is going nuts and threatening the world at this point, so Bruce and Supes need to put aside their differences in the last act to work together to bring him down. Snyder-punching ensues and the heroes win, but they don't like each other much.

They each try to patch things up with Lois, but she tells them each off, pretty much inspiring their methodologies ("You need to think about the little people, Bruce. How many more kids in Gotham became orphans while you were palling around with Luthor?" - "Read this issue of Spider-Man, Superman, and look closely at the Power/Responsibility line."). The dudes take her message to heart and try to act the parts they should. She keeps telling them "nice start, but you need to do X, Y, and Z. And also you two should try to play nice with each other. Go have a meal together and meet me back here in the hotel bar afterwards." They do, it doesn't go well, but they at least get some stuff of their chest and nobody gets punched (conflicts CAN be resolved by talking about it!). They report back to Lois and she's like "Nice start, but..." and they get all sulky and slink out.

"Ungh," says Lois, finishing her drink. "Men."

"Tell me about it," says the six foot tall Greek beauty sitting next to her at the bar. The two women clink their glasses.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:01 PM on August 11, 2013 [237 favorites]


Mr. Cold Guy, Rubber Suit Lady, and Nerd Guy

Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, and the Drummer.


I like mine better.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:03 PM on August 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


Also Batman and Wonder Woman toss Superman out of a space station and he dies and Batman is all like, whatever.

As I remember it, Mr. Cold Guy and Rubber Suit Lady toss Superman out of a space station, and he dies, and Batman is all like, well, that settles the question of who gets to hook up with Wonder Woman at the end of this story.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:05 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Warren Ellis: Not very good at having characters that are not Warren Ellis characters act like anything other than Warren Ellis characters.
posted by Artw at 3:09 PM on August 11, 2013 [11 favorites]


As I remember it, Mr. Cold Guy and Rubber Suit Lady toss Superman out of a space station, and he dies, and Batman is all like, well, that settles the question of who gets to hook up with Wonder Woman at the end of this story.

You may be right. It was in Planetary: Crossing Worlds, so white suit dude and lady who kicks stuff had to be in it. It couldn't be just Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman chilling in a space station.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:11 PM on August 11, 2013


bravo, robocop is bleeding!
posted by mwhybark at 3:21 PM on August 11, 2013


That's stupid, 'cause Superman's penis would kill Batman, duh.

Please, Batman;s superpower (besides his limitless wealth) is his Will To Conquer, to master any task set before him with his scary precision-watch mind. If taking on Supes in the boudoir was the task before him, you know he'd spend a year - at least-researching, training, preparing for the moment with the relentless efficiency of a machine. When the time comes, he will be ready.

I've said too much haven't I?
posted by The Whelk at 3:27 PM on August 11, 2013 [10 favorites]


Without K-Condom technology he is doomed.
posted by Artw at 3:28 PM on August 11, 2013


Warren Ellis: Not very good at having characters that are not Warren Ellis characters act like anything other than Warren Ellis characters.

Yeah, that's fair, but Superman and Wonder Woman are older than the hills, and have been subjected to so much indifferent-to-bad writing that I'm not bothered if Warren Ellis wants to put his two cents in. A Superman who dies if you throw him out of a space station isn't really Superman anyway.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:32 PM on August 11, 2013


Ugh. Chris Sims is a prime example of lousy comics commentary. Juvenile snark and cynicism combined with a fixation on his own personal vision and a Pollyannaish idealization of stuff he encountered when he was 12.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 3:34 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


If taking on Supes in the boudoir was the task before him, you know he'd spend a year - at least-researching, training, preparing for the moment with the relentless efficiency of a machine. When the time comes, he will be ready.

I think I've mentioned this before--I saw some online comic in which Superman, tasked with defeating Batman, flies to the other side of the planet and pushes the entire Earth into the sun. The sound effect supplied with the drawing of the Earth hitting the sun was 'FUCKBLAMMO'.

Training for a year--training, indeed, for ANY length of time, with or without the relentless efficiency of a machine--will avail you nothing against the power of FUCKBLAMMO.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:37 PM on August 11, 2013 [11 favorites]


robocop is bleeding: "So you don't make their conflict the center of the movie. Hell, they shouldn't even been on screen together until the final act. Batman, in costume, should be the shark from Jaws."

A+++++ WOULD BUY AGAIN
posted by wierdo at 3:44 PM on August 11, 2013


The Whelk: I think it would involve Batman customizing that power armour suit he used in "Dark Night Returns". The dialogue from that fight is kind of porny in places anyway: "Don't drop now, the night is young, and I have so much planned. ... It's way past time you learned what it means to be a man."
posted by Grimgrin at 3:45 PM on August 11, 2013


Here's the thing. The climactic fight in The Dark Knight Returns, which apparently is part of the inspiration for this movie, depends on the subtext that Batman and Superman used to be friends and brothers-in-arms, and trying to make a movie where Bats and Supes fight without building some history between them sounds stupid as hell.

We also know that it's quite possible this movie will be a break from/reboot of The Dark Knight trilogy, which means this movie may be doing double- or triple-duty setting up a new Batman franchise and/or a Justice League film.

But let's think about what options there are if you reboot Batman, or even if you take the relatively grounded, local, non-fantastic tone of Nolan's trilogy. He's just started making a dent into street crime in Gotham City; the wider world of supervillains and alien Jesuses are still way beyond anything he's imagined.

Now, shift for a minute, and think about what an evil Batman would look like. I don't mean a Knight Templar version like we've seen so many times, where his motivations are still essentially the same and he just takes the whole thing a little too far; we've seen that too many times already. And it's too easy to see that version of Batman, the one who buys a little too far into might-makes-right allying with Superman, which would become terrifying in a way that the filmmakers didn't intend.

No, I mean someone who, like Bruce Wayne, had the dual gifts of wealth and intelligence, but turned them towards his own selfish goals. I mean someone who, like Bats, has a great understanding of law and justice and where they converge and diverge, but sees both only as a means to his own ends. Someone who has reached the pinnacle of human potential, but rather than empathizing with either humanity or those outside of it, distrusts and hates both as threats to his own power. Someone who can also affect the mask of charming businessman, but uses it to mask cruelty, hatred, contempt. Now imagine that a villain like this comes to a relatively naive Batman, offers to team up to take down the alien menace that is interfering in him doing what's best for his city.

That's right. I want Lex Luthor to team up with Batman to take down Superman.
posted by kagredon at 3:45 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


Patton Oswalt WISHES his Marvel/Star Wars treatment was this cool.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 3:52 PM on August 11, 2013


Art of the proposed climax.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 3:59 PM on August 11, 2013 [1 favorite]


(Natch, he figures it out after meeting Supes and they're dating fighting together by the end.)
posted by kagredon at 4:14 PM on August 11, 2013


[ Mother of God. ]
posted by edheil at 6:40 PM on August 11, 2013


NO NO NO NO you guys, you've got it all wrong! They've ALREADY been building up the relationship between these two! Superman totally fills in all the plot holes from the last Batman trilogy!
Who took care of all the wealthiest people in Gotham after Batman jumped out a window to save his lady? YOJIMBO SUPERMAN.
Who helped Bruce, peniless and without any resources, get back from Somerandomjailinadesert all the way to Gotham? CRAZY TAXI SUPERMAN.
Who helped get that idioticasshit bat symbol-on-fire logo on top of that bridge? GRAFFITI ARTIST SUPERMAN.

You all owe me millions of dollars now.
posted by GoingToShopping at 7:13 PM on August 11, 2013 [7 favorites]


Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, and the Drummer.

... I didn't even have to look that up. Why can I remember this but not my own postal code?


I'm the same with Transformers, even those new ones they introduced in The Transformers: The Movie in the 80's.

Kup, he's the grizzled veteran who transforms into a car/sled thing.

Ultra Magnus, who is just the Optimus ("OPTIMUUUUUS!") toy but white and blue.

Hot Rod, he's the young hothead who gets the Matrix and becomes Rodimus Prime, and the toy version had an awesome trailer that unfolded and had a big double-cannon inside it and that trailer would work as a Terminator Hunter-Killer for your G.I. Joes in a pinch.

Blaster, the jive-talkin' stereo.

Galapagos, he's the new Megatron and turns into a nuclear turbine shooting out fire or something.

Dirge, he was like a jet but with the wings backwards, and then there's Scoop & The Skids, they were a space-hovercraft band.

Wreck-Gar, he's a Mad Max bike from the planet Junkticon, where the Sharkticons and I think that three-headed dude were (spoiler alert: that's where Ultra Magnus dies).

Tits-Bot. She's the girl.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:54 PM on August 11, 2013 [3 favorites]


Galapagos... :) Also Blaster had been in the series prior to the movie
posted by JARED!!! at 9:01 PM on August 11, 2013


I haven't watched Man of Steel yet, but when I do, I suspect I'm not going to get as much satisfaction out of it as I did from robocop is bleeding's comment, which is already better than a lot of movies.
posted by weston at 9:02 PM on August 11, 2013


Also Batman and Wonder Woman toss Superman out of a space station and he dies and Batman is all like, whatever.

That's a different Planetary story than the one with all the different Batmen, and it takes place in an alternate universe. You're thinking of a Planetary/JLA oneshot; the Planetary/Batman oneshot (which is much better) has the Adam West and Frank Miller Batmen.

In the actual Planetary continuity, and not the alternate worlds shown in the oneshots, Superman was killed as a baby by the Human Torch analogue of the Planetary universe, William Leather.
posted by painquale at 9:07 PM on August 11, 2013 [2 favorites]


Here's the thing. The climactic fight in The Dark Knight Returns, which apparently is part of the inspiration for this movie, depends on the subtext that Batman and Superman used to be friends and brothers-in-arms, and trying to make a movie where Bats and Supes fight without building some history between them sounds stupid as hell.

I know, right? That'd be like if they made a Star Trek movie that relied on a huge callback to Spock's Wrath of Khan death scene, only without the accumulated years of friendship between the two characters to set it all up. I mean, that would never have the kind of emotional impact that --

-- Wait, they what?
posted by webmutant at 12:47 AM on August 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


This FPP is a good response to a horrible, horrible idea.
posted by lucien_reeve at 1:03 AM on August 12, 2013


I think I've mentioned this before--I saw some online comic in which Superman, tasked with defeating Batman, flies to the other side of the planet and pushes the entire Earth into the sun. The sound effect supplied with the drawing of the Earth hitting the sun was 'FUCKBLAMMO'.

I've read this paragraph like 9 times, and I'm still laughing uncontrollably.

Is it possible to get a link to this?
posted by emptythought at 4:10 AM on August 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


can anyone make the slightest case for how Christian Bale's Batman would react to Henry Cavail's Man of Steel, or what he'd have to say to him?

"Please try harder not to kill your enemies. Also, try leaping tall buildings in a single bound rather than destroying them."
posted by jonnyploy at 5:55 AM on August 12, 2013


I'm glad I'm not the only lifelong Superman fan (and I've been one longer than Chris Sims has been alive) who's disappointed that Superman's main function these days seems to be to get beat up by Batman to make Batman look badass. Between the Injustice: Gods Among Us comic (where Superman turns evil after one bad day, thus proving the Joker right), and Man Of Steel, it's like DC now *wants* us to hate Superman.
posted by mgrichmond at 7:01 AM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is it possible to get a link to this?

Yes.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:06 AM on August 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


The "How It Should Have Ended" animators have produced their own take on Superman vs. Batman (in a diner, over coffee). (Bonus: How Man of Steel Should Have Ended.)
posted by Doktor Zed at 10:01 AM on August 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


it's like DC now *wants* us to hate Superman.

I think Sims has it right: They're embarresed by him, because he's not a good fit for the post-Watchmen style of grimdark they've settled on as the only style of comics acceptable for their audience.
posted by Artw at 11:07 AM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


They could take his power levels down from over 9000 to 8000-and-a-bit. He gets some kind of disease or whatever (because he's an alien, after all), like maybe ebola, but it knocks him about the same way a human would get knocked about by a slight head cold. Not that it matters because he isn't even interesting, I dislike him on principle because he doesn't need to eat at all and still causes unnecessary suffering by consuming meat.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:53 PM on August 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Surprisingly not that different from my Justice Lords pitch.
posted by Eideteker at 8:50 AM on August 13, 2013


This summer, there was a joyless, obscenely violent Superman movie where nobody smiled or helped anyone and a warm, funny Wolverine movie about trust, healing and rebirth. AM THIS BIZARRO EARTH?

Chris Sims is wonderful; easily my favorite comics blogger. It's very unlikely that whatever MoS v. tDK movie Warner is working on will be one tenth as fun to watch as this proposal was to read. I've heard that Snyder is taking meetings with Frank Miller on the matter which is cool since Miller was the last dude to miss the point of Superman as badly as Zach did.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:45 AM on August 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Oh my god, robocop is bleeding, I would watch the HELL out of that movie.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:46 AM on August 13, 2013


robocop is bleeding, I'm on the corner of Folsom and Embarcadero and I love you. Use me as you will.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:52 PM on August 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Tell me about it," says the six foot tall Greek beauty sitting next to her at the bar. The two women clink their glasses.

Where's my fucking Wonder Woman movie?
posted by crossoverman at 8:08 PM on August 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ben Affleck is Batman in Snyder's Superman/Batman movie
posted by crossoverman at 8:44 PM on August 22, 2013


Interest level still flatlined.
posted by Artw at 8:55 PM on August 22, 2013


Where's my fucking Wonder Woman movie?

Robert Valley’s Animated Wonder Woman And The Many Modes Of The Amazon
posted by Artw at 8:59 PM on August 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Meanwhile, promoting their upcoming film, The World's End, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost show that it's possible to discuss Superman, Transformers, and summer blockbuster movies intelligently, lengthily, and geekily all at once:
Frost: After Earth, Oblivion, World War Z, Man of Steel — there's been a lot of apocalypse films this year. And it's generally because the Mayan apocalypse was approaching, their timing was off, and it's the biggest way to make a spectacle, too, to destroy whole cities. Even Transformers in 2012. I think science fiction's kind of lost its way over the years, in that people suddenly think it's about the robots. It was never about the robots. It's always been about the people. And robots have been a metaphor for something. And there doesn't seem to be a metaphor now. It's literal destruction. Was Man of Steel a metaphor for 9/11? No. It was just us seeing buildings falling down. There's nothing poetic about that.
Frost: You can also be very cynical and say, "Are you cashing in on those images?" You know what I mean? I'm not sure that's the case, but that seems to have sprung up since that happened.
Pegg: If you look at Transformers, Transformers is a movie version of a toy, which came out of a series about robots, which was aimed at children, and then suddenly it's a thing that's skewed towards adults, but it is just toys fighting. It's all it is. And it doesn't really say anything about us or the world. And in my experience of it, it's just mind-numbingly dull.
Frost: You never even get that satisfaction or the joy and hope that comes from the chance of rebuilding. It just ends on a mass destruction.
Pegg: And consequently, and it sounds like we're really blowing our own trumpet ...
Frost: Blow it! [Makes a series of trumpet sounds.]
Pegg: [Makes one single trumpet blurting sound.] The thing about The World's End, we never wanted to welch on our promise in the title. Even though the title is referring to a pub, it promises something a lot bigger than that, and we wanted to show the consequences of what happens in the end, that that status doesn't go back to normal, that there is a change, and that change is permanent. It's not like everything's all tied up nicely and you can all go home and live happily ever after. That was one of the things that blew me away about Man of Steel, that at the end, they're all at the Daily Planet office just going, "Hey! Let's go see the Dodgers!" Isn't everyone dead? Isn't New York flat? What do you mean, go see the Dodgers?!
Vulture: Plus, Clark Kent just walks in there and no one recognizes him, after all of that, just because of the glasses.
Frost: [Whips glasses off.]
Pegg: [Whistles Superman theme.] I thought Nick Frost was supposed to be here! Oh, there he is! That's the thing. The choice to make that film so real, and kind of grown-up, is to reject its innately childish aspects — you know, the tights, the underpants, and all the silliness of it. Which meant that that moment, when he goes to be Clark Kent, is totally lost, because you don't buy it within the criteria that they've set for themselves with the reality of the film. Whereas with the Christopher Reeve Superman or the comic book, you buy the glasses, because it's silly anyway!
Like Chris Sims, they understand that Superman is silly (amongst other things) and trying to portray him in an "adult" and "realistic" manner only makes one look charmlessly cynical.
posted by Doktor Zed at 10:18 AM on August 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Unless Affleck has developed some seriously hidden depths as an actor at the same time as he's shown how good he is behind the camera, his casting is kind of mystifying to me. Somewhat less so if he's playing John Blake instead of Bruce Wayne.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 6:08 AM on August 24, 2013


Three words: Wendy and Marvin.
posted by NedKoppel at 2:13 PM on August 26, 2013


I'm... not sure I agree with Simon Pegg. But we might just be disagreeing over terminology.

I've always loved Superman, and I don't think of the character or his world as "silly." But, there are certain things you just have to accept if you want to live in Superman's world: one is that people can do the right thing, even if they possess enormous power - and the other is the glasses.

The glasses are the price of admission. If you can't accept that trained reporters and people on the street see Clark Kent and Superman as totally different people, than Metropolis isn't the place for you. Maybe that's silly, I see it as a trope. It's no different from action films where protagonists can kill a hundred men without becoming psychologically scarred, or romance films where events keep happening to separate people who just want to be together.

The other thing is where most people seem to have trouble with Superman. They find him unrelatable because he doesn't appear to have moral flaws. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and all that. They don't think it's realistic that someone with the ability to do anything would dedicate his life towards helping other people. Nolan and Snyder appear to be in this group, because Man of Steel spends a lot of time inventing reasons for Superman to be psychologically tortured and lonely. He isn't just a good person trying to help others - no, he's an isolated Space Jesus who's spent his whole life trying to hide from our flawed world, until his destiny finally catches up with him. He never chooses to be Superman (because they don't understand why anyone would), but is instead forced into the role.

My Superman isn't like that. I like him as a simple, 1940's style champion of the common people. If he was rich like Bruce Wayne he'd give all his money to charity. If he didn't have powers he'd still try to make the world a better place through news reporting. If he was condemned to die, he'd spend his last days carrying out titanic projects to improve everything in sight, Grant Morrison style. There are people in real life who spend their lives helping others, so why is it so unrealistic to have a character like that in fiction?
posted by Kevin Street at 4:44 PM on August 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Man Of Steel 2 Teaser Trailer - Ben Affleck / Bryan Cranston (FAN MADE)
posted by homunculus at 2:50 PM on August 27, 2013 [1 favorite]


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