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"I always had low self-esteem. I never thought I'd get anywhere."
September 3, 2013 5:06 PM   Subscribe


 
(Article's a year old but still looks like a good read)
posted by jepler at 5:19 PM on September 3, 2013


Good reads are timeless.
posted by reenum at 5:21 PM on September 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've never had a lap dance. Are they fun?
posted by Thorzdad at 5:22 PM on September 3, 2013


Thorzdad: why not buy me and you some champagne and we can talk about it in the VIP room?
posted by boo_radley at 5:28 PM on September 3, 2013 [5 favorites]


Good read. I look forward to Woody playing him in the movie.
posted by arcticseal at 5:50 PM on September 3, 2013


They can be fun if that's what you're looking for. Many guys soon find out what the ATM is really there for, three magic letters the skilled performer can mention if her patron wishes he could continue (a song is fast) but hasn't made the advance cash preparations needed. They can be soulful, soulless, sexy, tedious, erotic, frustrating, whatever depending on a lot of variables, mainly involving the two people involved. Definitely not something I'd recommend as a bucket list item, not for everybody, and those who enjoy it the most probably enjoy it too much and it's easy for an awe shucks I'll try it moment to become OH SHIT NEED MOAR URGENTLY situation much like getting a gambling high or drug high where your "price consciousness" gets blown away via Dopamine.
posted by lordaych at 5:55 PM on September 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


Apologies for the gendered pronouns with a hint of EVIL FEMININE WILES on the side, but typically the veterans are good at performing and always leaving the customer wanting MOAR
posted by lordaych at 5:57 PM on September 3, 2013


I've never had a lap dance. Are they fun?

I got one once and by the end both the dancer and myself were crying laughing but I'm a girl so YMMV a lot.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:06 PM on September 3, 2013 [6 favorites]


Thorzdad: "I've never had a lap dance. Are they fun?"

They can be. If for no other reason than the whole rite of passage thing. Take a buddy out for his first strip club night. Well, first strip club night, buddy? We need to get you a lap dance!

And so on.

FWIW, I don't do strip clubs any more, but when I did, I did my best to be a pleasant and charming customer, as well as treating the dancers as people, not commodities.
posted by Samizdata at 6:31 PM on September 3, 2013


boo_radley: "Thorzdad: why not buy me and you some champagne and we can talk about it in the VIP room?"

WATCH IT! THAT'S GINGER ALE they're drinking at a champagne price. And you've never had a hard selling experience until you get in the VIP room.
posted by Samizdata at 6:32 PM on September 3, 2013


And you've never had a hard selling experience until you get in the VIP room.


I see what you did there.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:32 PM on September 3, 2013 [4 favorites]


I've never had a lap dance. Are they fun?

Good lap dances are timeless.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:35 PM on September 3, 2013


Thorzdad: why not buy me and you some champagne and we can talk about it in the VIP room?

Remember, There is NO sex in the Champagne room.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:49 PM on September 3, 2013


"Shaq O'Neal wouldn't come in 'cause I wouldn't let him in free with his entourage," Redner says. "I figure he makes enough money, let him spend some of it."

I started liking him with the line and liked him more as I read on. Cool guy.
posted by dry white toast at 6:58 PM on September 3, 2013


What the hell has the world come to when we can only hear our comedy clips while watching advertisments for STDs? There is no sex in the champagne room .. but there are STDs. probably.
posted by jepler at 7:18 PM on September 3, 2013


Guy fights the good fight.
posted by maxwelton at 7:26 PM on September 3, 2013


Not that anyone is wondering, but the majority of strip clubs are brothels... A bottle of champagne and the condom is on the house.
posted by four panels at 9:00 PM on September 3, 2013


Not that anyone is wondering this either, but you would be amazed at how many strip club patrons believe that is actually true and not a joke.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:22 PM on September 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


Marcus looks to Simon, who hands over the gold card. Vic Jr. reads them the boilerplate...

VIC JR. This is a gentlemen's club. You are expected to behave as gentlemen. I will be giving you one rule. If you break this rule, I will break your arm. Are we clear?

MARCUS Yes.

VIC JR. The ladies can touch you. You cannot touch them. At any point, for any reason. Is this clear?

SIMON Crystal.

VIC JR. Enjoy your evening.
posted by dhartung at 12:24 AM on September 4, 2013


Not that anyone is wondering, but the majority of strip clubs are brothels... A bottle of champagne and the condom is on the house.

Yeah, but climbing up there and getting them down is a right pain.
posted by JHarris at 1:16 AM on September 4, 2013 [4 favorites]


Remember, There is NO sex in the Champagne room.

Apropos of nothing - the visual on that link was bizarre.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:40 AM on September 4, 2013


Joe Redner is the sort of crazy-ass character that Carl Hiaasen would invent, and then back up thinking "No, no way anyone would accept this one."

When then-Commissioner Ronda Storms (who generally isn't mentioned without a plethora of vulgar adjectives; I assure you the [redacted] deserves it) decided to outlaw Pride parades in Tampa, Redner filed a lawsuit about it, outing himself as gay because the suit required a personal connection to the case.

He's got enough fuck-you money to step in and fiddle with things whenever he feels the need. Usually it's benign, often hilarious, always weird. This town won't be the same when he's gone.
posted by cmyk at 5:06 AM on September 4, 2013 [2 favorites]


Not that anyone is wondering, but the majority of strip clubs are brothels...

Really? That has not been my experience.
posted by bongo_x at 6:39 PM on September 5, 2013


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