Disclosure: I've been living with a mood disorder for most of my adult life. I was diagnosed with a "learning disability" at age 11 back in 1979. I know a little something about feeling like I don't deserve to exist because there's something "wrong" with me. I am also the mother of a kid on the spectrum.
Let's keep in mind that many of the people who are saying that it's understandable that the mother of "one of those children" would snap and try to kill her daughter are probably the same people who were saying that they don't want their kids to have to go to the same schools as kids on the spectrum, who say that Special Education programs are a waste of money that would be better spent on "normal" children, that "those kids" are monsters who should have never been born, who wonder out loud what that mother did wrong to end up with "a kid like that", etc.,. These are the people who make excuses for teachers who bind children's feet with duct tape to keep them from taking their shoes off, who put dishwashing soap in the mouths of kids with ASD a form of "discipline", who belittle, mock and tease their students until they snap and then call the police to put the kids into stress positions to "keep everyone safe".
This is the stream that families in the ASD tribe have to swim against everyday. If you're a little emotionally fragile like me, some days if feels like it would just be easier to stop struggling and let that stream pull you under. I don't because I can't (whatever I think about my life, I know my kid loves his and doesn't want to go anywhere) but someone who is a little more isolated, a little less grounded?
I could see someone deciding that they just can't tolerate the pain anymore. But then they think, "...what about my kid? How can I leave this world and abandon my child to the tender mercies of the jackals who say that she/he should have never existed in the first place?" The rest of the story writes itself.
TL;DR: The hate in this world for people who are a little more different is toxic. It can break someone's mind and crush their spirit. A parent in that state of mind is a broken person and needs help, not because of the strain of having "a child like that" but because they and their child live in a world full of ignorant and hateful people who do not wish them well.
"She had problem behaviors (hitting), directed mainly to me but sometimes her little sister too. Our local CMH (community mental health) provided a behaviorist. She worked on our case for over two years without supervision. I did everything she said and Issy’s behavior got worse. I begged her to consult someone. She finally suggested I put Issy in foster care. No, we’re not going to do that because she is OURS AND WE LOVE HER!!!"
I have a daughter firmly planted in autism’s “hard to love club”.
She is well beyond “cute toddler” stage; where she had bright blue eyes, ringlet curls, and deep sweet dimples.
[Issy] is overweight. It isn’t her fault; we had her on medications that caused her to gain weight. A lot of weight. But there isn’t anything endearing about an overweight teenager rampaging through a house or classroom.
She could care less about hygiene. It’s not uncommon to see her with wildly unruly hair, food in her teeth, stains on her shirt, or even smelling of body odor.
On Friday, after three days in the ICU, she was still unresponsive and had confirmed brain damage. After not seeing any changes in her condition, it was decided Friday evening to remove Isabelle from the ventilator. She responded by breathing on her own for the rest of the evening. The following morning, she awoke from her four day "coma-like" state asking questions, making requests, and quite incredibly, showing signs of the amazing young woman she is. For three days, she was hooked up to machines and showed very little progress. Fast forward 24 hours and we are out of the critical unit, completely independent, and beginning discussions about the extent of her brain damage. She has smiled and is now walking and talking. It is nothing short of a miracle. While she still has several obstacles to overcome, we are extremely hopeful with this unbelievable turn of events.
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