Don't Cry, Don't Raze Your Eye
October 1, 2013 9:02 AM   Subscribe

One year ago, the face of music changed forever. Today, it has changed foreverer, again:
GWAR covers Billy Ocean's Get out of My Dreams (Get into My Car)

It goes in an unexpected direction. Stick with it.
posted by Eideteker (83 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite
 
GWAR can just cover everything because they are the best.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:03 AM on October 1, 2013




Oh, that's awesome. Thanks, muddgirl!
posted by Eideteker at 9:05 AM on October 1, 2013


I saw GWAR at RiotFest in Chicago this year. Initially, I was bummed because I lost out on the good spots up front because I stopped for beer. After they chopped the prosthetic breasts off a person in a rubber Queen Elizabeth costume and her chest wounds sprayed the people up front with fire hoses worth of sticky (apparently impossible to wash off) fake blood, I felt better.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:09 AM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


It sometimes seems weird to me that GWAR existed for a really long time before the idea of "click bait" was a thing. It's like the media universe wasn't ready for them and then built itself around them instead.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:13 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


Recently my brother's very nice but super awkward and kind of weird friend went to 80's night at the 9:30 Club. He wore a Members Only jacket but other than that looked mostly pretty normal.

He got there and was really surprised; instead of fun, poppy 80's music there were a ton of people in odd clothes moshing and the music was...different...from what he expected. Soon afterwards, they wheeled out a giant pink phallus which began spraying the ecstatic crowd. He was standing near the bouncer and said "This is the weirdest 80's night I've ever been to." The bouncer turned to him and said, in an intense roar, "80's night? 80's night is tomorrow. You're at GWAR!"
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:15 AM on October 1, 2013 [86 favorites]


My brother-in-law has this friend, we'll call him "the Duke" because that's what his friends call him. The Duke goes to the, I believe, 9:30 Club one night for some kind of an 80s Night Dance party or something. He dresses in some 80s prep clothes, and a Member's Only jacket, but nothing too weird. He shows up, and his notices that everyone is dressed kind of weirdly. They're not wearing 80s clothes at all. He feels a little out of place, but whatever, he's still expecting to have a good time at 80s night. Then the music starts. It's loud heavy metal and not the 80s music he was expecting at all. The Duke starts to think what is going on, this is the weirdest 80s night ever. Around that time, a giant phallus comes out of somewhere and starts spraying pink foam on everyone. The Duke runs away sheltering his 80s prep clothes with the Member's Only jacket that was almost certainly ruined. As he's running away, he asks the bouncer "What is going on? What kind of 80s night is this?" "80s night?" the Bouncer replies, "80s night is tomorrow, you're at GWAR!"
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:17 AM on October 1, 2013 [59 favorites]


Well shit, that's an argument for previewing if I ever saw one.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:18 AM on October 1, 2013 [193 favorites]


Playing death/speed metal is hard enough as it is -- I'm having a hard time imagining playing it competently with 50 lbs of costume regalia attached to the body. Saw them at Liberty Lunch way back when in the dark ages, and it was a friggin' blast. Not something I'd listen to with any frequency, but they have my profound respect as performers.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:19 AM on October 1, 2013


You two are mad cute.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:21 AM on October 1, 2013 [17 favorites]


GOD DAMN IT SWEETHEART!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:22 AM on October 1, 2013 [56 favorites]


I would like to subscribe to the by Mrs. Pterodactyl/Bulgaroktonos Tell the Same Story Separately newsletter.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:23 AM on October 1, 2013 [149 favorites]


sprayed the people up front with fire hoses worth of sticky (apparently impossible to wash off) fake blood

The fake blood that GWAR sprayed all over me in the early 1990s washed right out. Did they change their formula?
posted by planetesimal at 9:23 AM on October 1, 2013


Thanks so much for this! I'd never heard of GWAR, and that was super-fun.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:23 AM on October 1, 2013


I did not see that coming.
posted by jquinby at 9:24 AM on October 1, 2013


I would like to subscribe to the by Mrs. Pterodactyl/Bulgaroktonos Tell the Same Story Separately newsletter.

It definitely happens.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:28 AM on October 1, 2013 [9 favorites]


So this one night I go to the 9:30 club because, hey, 80's night, and everyone knows I love the 80s, right?

So I get there, and I'm wearing my sweet Members Only jacket, lookin all 80s and shit, and whoa, the place is nuts. Nobody else is really doing the 80s the way I thought they'd be doing the 80s. I'm swimming in a flannel and denim sea. The band on stage......just.......huh. Not exactly the 80s experience I was going for at all.

So I'm on like beer #2 and and trying to get into the vibe and that's when this HUGE cock comes outta nowhere, jizzing pink foam everywhere, and goddammit my Members Only jacket is ruined.

So I split. On the way out I mention to the bouncer "Dude, this is the weirdest 80s night I've ever been to." Guy says to me "80s night? That's tomorrow. Tonight is GWAR."
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 9:30 AM on October 1, 2013 [22 favorites]


"You two are mad cute."

co-signed. *awards the #CutestCoupleinanFPPAboutGWAR Golden Foam Rubber Phallus*

also: *pours a 40 out for the impossibility of tagging this post with \m/,*
posted by Eideteker at 9:30 AM on October 1, 2013


planetesimal: "sprayed the people up front with fire hoses worth of sticky (apparently impossible to wash off) fake blood

The fake blood that GWAR sprayed all over me in the early 1990s washed right out. Did they change their formula?
"

Must have. I saw a woman in tears because her glasses were covered in the stuff and it wouldn't wash off and she couldn't see without them. Later, at the Danzig show, I stood behind a guy pitying him silently for his heartbreaking skin condition... only to realize it was GWAR blood that had just soaked deep into the skin on his face.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:33 AM on October 1, 2013


Do Mrs. Pterodactyl and Bulgaroktonos also post under the name true?
posted by TedW at 9:36 AM on October 1, 2013


GWAR is the greatest. Never had trouble washing their fake blood and such out of my clothes. However, I did have one memorable concert where my contact lenses were stained red from blood and had to be tossed. No regrets!
posted by silverstatue at 9:37 AM on October 1, 2013


My evidence is obviously seriously anecdotal: one lady's glasses and one dude who may or may not have even made a sincere effort to wash his face.

Still: I'm old. I was glad not to be covered in the stuff.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:39 AM on October 1, 2013


That was FABULOUS, except for the hairy thighs and hineys (I had to squeeze my eyes closed a couple times, I realize I'm in the minority on that). Thanks, E!
posted by thinkpiece at 9:40 AM on October 1, 2013


Oderus Urungus also has a side-interest in restaurant reviews.
posted by gorbichov at 9:45 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


As I sometimes do when someone posts these A.V. Club articles, I discover the weirdest things by falling down a rabbit hole off the main article. In this case, it was GWAR > HateSong > Lou Barlow on Don Henley > Wikipedia on the author of "Boys of Summer" (Mike Campbell) > Roy Orbison, which led me to this sentence:

A song he recorded named "Life Fades Away", written with friend Glenn Danzig, was featured in the film Less Than Zero.

ROY ORBISON AND GLENN DANZIG WERE FRIENDS, YOU GUYS
posted by mykescipark at 9:48 AM on October 1, 2013 [17 favorites]


When I was a small and unfortunate child, I insisted to my sister that I liked this song, while she calmly and wisely attempted to teach me that no, in fact, I did not. I need to show this to her to celebrate that finally that age old disagreement can be put to bed.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:49 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Did anyone else find a little...well, incongruous...that GWAR's lead guitarist (is that Pustulus Maximus) wears a wedding ring on stage in his full regalia?

Now I'm imagining what Mrs. Maximus must tell her friends when they ask what Pustulus does for a living.
posted by OHSnap at 9:49 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


This one time I went to 80s night at the 9:30 Club and had a very nice time. I said so to the bouncer and he said "Of course you did, it's 80s night. What did you expect, GWAR?"
posted by Ham Snadwich at 9:50 AM on October 1, 2013 [8 favorites]


That was great!
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:52 AM on October 1, 2013


This takes me back to what a friend of mine told me...he was watching GWAR one night, at about 9:30, and this dude comes in through the door sporting a Members Only jacket. The newcomer stares at GWAR, who are completely smoking, and realizes everyone else is dressed differently from him. Before he can say anything, this giant pahllus comes out of a cloud of vapor and starts showering spoo all over the place.

'Cause it's GWAR. And of course, they're smoking.

The Members Only dude turns to my friend and says, "What kind of club is this? What I'm seeing here is the strangest 80's Night I've ever attended", and my friend says back, "80's Night? Listen, this is a crackhouse. Those guys in the corner are GWAR."
posted by Smart Dalek at 9:52 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


The song was pretty good, too!
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:52 AM on October 1, 2013


Oderus Urungus also has a side-interest in restaurant reviews.

I am enjoying the idea of the GWAR boys in full regalia going into fancy restaurants and having a wonderful time while being perfectly polite.

"Ahh, the 1986 Bordeaux. It reminds me of the time we slaughtered a million Martians and painted the walls their their blood. I'll have that and the lamb, please. And could you send the chef out? A couple of our members have food allergies and I'd like to discuss substitutions with him."
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:54 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


And then there was the time in the 80s that I went to a Members Only club at 9:30 to see Billy Ocean, and someone started telling me about a land where all teenagers were wasted.

At least that's how I remember it.
posted by OHSnap at 9:56 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


He got there and was really surprised; instead of fun, poppy 80's music there were a ton of people in odd clothes moshing and the music was...different...from what he expected. Soon afterwards, they wheeled out a giant pink phallus which began spraying the ecstatic crowd. He was standing near the bouncer and said "This is the weirdest 80's night I've ever been to." The bouncer turned to him and said, in an intense roar, "80's night? 80's night is tomorrow. You're at GWAR!"

As someone who was a teenager in the 80s, that's the weirdest story ever, since I was far more likely to go to a GWAR show in the 80s than wear a Members Only jacket.
posted by The World Famous at 9:57 AM on October 1, 2013


"Get out of my mind, and into my .... fucked up life."
posted by mannequito at 9:57 AM on October 1, 2013


Did i ever tell you guys about the time i was bouncing a GWAR show and this totally confused guy was wandering around in a members only jacket ?
posted by The Whelk at 10:00 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


My kid brother is ten years younger and born in 1990. It was my duty as an older brother to show him how to rock. I realized I failed him when I excitedly told him to watch this and he did not know who GWAR is.

Tonight he will learn the joys that are beating Jesus in basketball and "what good is all the violence in the world unless it is tempered with limitless sex"
posted by munchingzombie at 10:04 AM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Then the guy says, "80s night?, damn near gwared 'em"
posted by ian1977 at 10:05 AM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


So, I was in this band called GWAR, and we were playing at the 9:30 club...
posted by LionIndex at 10:05 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


One time, I was driving my cab out past the 9:30 Club and this guy in a Members Only jacket covered in pink splooge hopped in. "Rough night, buddy?" I asked him. "Who the fuck is GWAR?" he asked, exasperated.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:06 AM on October 1, 2013 [10 favorites]


GWAR show? 5 bucks, same as in town.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:13 AM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


This thread has gone to a place.
posted by tommasz at 10:14 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


the Duke

I read, I saw, I lol'd.
posted by 0 at 10:15 AM on October 1, 2013


I GENIUS LOCI OF 9:30 CLUB
AM RECEPTACLE
[MUSIC ALCHOL BOB DYLAN NOSEHAIRS]
INSTANCE: STRAY LISTENING COME MEAN 80S NIGHT
COME GWAR HAPPENSTANCE
I SYMPATHY
ALL TIME ONE ALL MUSIC ONE
ALL LISTENINGS ALL STRAY
ALL MORTAL
I MISS BEASTIE BOYS
posted by Iridic at 10:19 AM on October 1, 2013 [7 favorites]


I feel for the poor guy who showed up with a giant foam penis to the 80s night.
posted by dr_dank at 10:19 AM on October 1, 2013 [11 favorites]


Metafilter: 80s night is tomorrow, you're at GWAR!
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:19 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


> This thread has gone to a place.

And is totally confused.
posted by ardgedee at 10:20 AM on October 1, 2013




Oh man, this reminds me of the time I was at a GWAR show, regulars were all there, and I'm doing my normal thing and everybody's basically into it except some guy in a Member's Only jacket who I didn't recognize and he sees me coming and he's all freaking out and being a weirdo and starts yelling at the bouncer.

Also I am a giant penis.
posted by cortex at 10:22 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


I've mentioned this before and damn well will keep mentioning as long as necessary. There is a change.org petition to the National Football League to have GWAR perform the 2015 Super Bowl Halftime Show. This should happen.
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:24 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


I feel for the poor guy who showed up with a giant foam penis to the 80s night.

Well, I felt him.
posted by hydrophonic at 10:25 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


So I was reincarnated as this pink foam, and I thought I was going to end up as shaving cream...
posted by not_on_display at 10:26 AM on October 1, 2013


I had a job where "Get Out of My Dreams" would play regularly on our in-store music service. After a long shift where we'd heard it three or four times, my coworker said to me, "I don't understand this song. If I don't want someone in my dreams I wouldn't want them in my car either."
posted by hydrophonic at 10:29 AM on October 1, 2013 [5 favorites]


Later on I nearly got fired for hacking into the speaker system with my Sony Discman.
posted by hydrophonic at 10:31 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


And the bouncer replies with a flourish, "The Aristocrats!"
posted by bassomatic at 10:32 AM on October 1, 2013 [9 favorites]


Next GWAR could do a memorable cover of GY!BE's "Blaise Bailey Finnegan III".
posted by ardgedee at 10:35 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Man, that reminds me of the time I got all duded up in my best torn fishnets, pirate hat, and giant rubber prosthetic cock, to go to the GWAR show at the 9:30 club. When I got there, it was all full of people in metallic spandex and Members Only jackets, listening to Billy Ocean.

"What the fuk is this crappity crap crap?" I asked the bouncer. He shook his head sadly.

"GWAR was yesterday, man. Sorry. This is Eighties Night."

"Eighties Night? EIGHTIES NIGHT?" I unloaded both barrels of neon pink Silly String out of the cock while screaming, "LICK MY LOVE PUMP MUTHA FUKKAS!"

They never let me back in the place after that.

Good times.
posted by panglos at 10:36 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


This one time I was at a Billy Ocean show and a huge fight broke out between 80's cosplayers and GWAR fans.

Then the Baseball Furies, The Rogues and The Punks showed up and shit started getting crazy.

Here's the thing: right when it was about to go toally nuts, a half-dozen waterspouts formed and rained misandry on all of us. No cops came because the government was shutdown, but some dude rode off riding a peacock, and all we could do was just sort of watch.

Somebody must have caught it on their GoPro, though. It'll probable be on pay-per-view or something.
posted by jquinby at 10:42 AM on October 1, 2013


Now I've got stuck in my head an imagined cover by GWAR of "Ladies' Night" by Kool & The Gang, but, you know, with the lyrics switched to "Eighties Night." So thanks for that.
posted by The World Famous at 10:54 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


Actually, "Get out of My Dreams" is almost tolerable when considered alongside the Ocean Man's biggest hit, "Caribbean Queen," which is a song calculated to make you want to gouge your eyes out with the nearest seashell.
posted by blucevalo at 10:59 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Are Frank Ocean and Billy Ocean related? 'Cause I bet Gwar would kill on that Forrest Gump song.
posted by dubwisened at 11:18 AM on October 1, 2013


I was gonna say something something GWAR and Earl Sweatshirt lulz and then realized hey, that might actually be pretty awesome.
posted by ardgedee at 11:25 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


That was fucking awesome.
posted by Renoroc at 11:39 AM on October 1, 2013


MetaFilter: Also I am a giant penis.
posted by Eideteker at 11:50 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I really loved the Kansas cover last year, and this was equally fun. Thanks for sharing it!
posted by getawaysticks at 11:50 AM on October 1, 2013


Tangentially, I'm not surprised that "Barracuda" is the last kid picked on the playground. That shit is HARD. Have you ever looked at the lyrics? It sounds vaguely straightforward, but the rhythms are completely off and it's all about porpoises. I think you're required to smoke up just to attempt it at karaoke.

As a sometime-gofer for his friend the concert promoter, my husband had a lovely time driving a girl from GWAR (pretty sure it was Slymenstra Hymen) to the tanning salon. "She revealed to me that they were all into antiquing. It was pretty cool until she asked me where to get some crank."
posted by Madamina at 12:02 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


GWAR has been known to march in gay pride parades.
posted by larrybob at 12:17 PM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Mrs. Pterodactyl: "Recently my brother's . . ."

It goes in an unexpected direction. Stick with it.
posted by arkham_inmate_0801 at 12:23 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I recommend that she not get into that car.
posted by vorpal bunny at 1:07 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I want to hear the unreleased recording of Sandra Bernhard singing Barracuda in English and Spanish with the Butthole Surfers.
posted by larrybob at 1:10 PM on October 1, 2013


So we've got a story with a giant penis and a guy in a Members Only jacket and no one's made that joke yet?
posted by 7segment at 1:22 PM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oderus Urungus also has a side-interest in restaurant reviews.

I am enjoying the idea of the GWAR boys in full regalia going into fancy restaurants and having a wonderful time while being perfectly polite.

"Ahh, the 1986 Bordeaux. It reminds me of the time we slaughtered a million Martians and painted the walls their their blood. I'll have that and the lamb, please. And could you send the chef out? A couple of our members have food allergies and I'd like to discuss substitutions with him."


So this one time, back in the 1980s we were dining at a fancy restaurant and having a wonderful time. When the dessert tray finally arrived, I asked the waiter if the pastries were gluten-free, 'cuz my wife is allergic. He said he didn't know, but he'd call the chef. So finally the chef -- who for some reason was wearing a Members Only jacket -- arrived at our table and I asked him, "Are these pastries gluten free?" And he said, "Gluten? We never use gluten. This is GUAR."

Then for some reason he sprayed us with what I hope was butter frosting from a very oddly shaped pastry utensil. My wife was in tears, 'cuz her glasses were covered in the stuff.
 
posted by Herodios at 1:24 PM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


Oh yes its 80s night
Spurting GWAR-cock aint right!
Oh yes its 80s night
OH WHAT A NIGHT!

This ain't your night
tonight
Giant Spurting-jizz-cock
caused fright
This ain't your night
tonight
Maggot-filled genitalia
LAST NIGHT
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 1:32 PM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


Metafilter: It goes in an unexpected direction. Stick with it.
posted by orthicon halo at 1:53 PM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


This thread is like a suddenly found oasis in a desert of an absolutely horrible day.

Also it is a giant penis.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:24 PM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


BEEP BEEP

YEAH
posted by elizardbits at 8:29 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Gwar really are the best. Thanks for this!
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:47 PM on October 1, 2013


Much as when then-19-year-old Lexi's boyfriend was enthusing at length about GWAR, I find myself shaking my head bemusedly. (He was so pleased with how spattered with fake blood his denim vest had gotten during one show. He wore it everywhere after that, much to my chagrin. Luckily we were too broke to go anywhere nice.)
posted by Lexica at 9:43 PM on October 1, 2013


So, I was working in the returns department of our online distribution center, processing RMA's when I got this "Special Nostalgic Member's Only 80's Fashion Jacket" Item SKU# MBO00XL back, marked as defective...
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:52 AM on October 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then the Baseball Furies . . . showed up and shit started getting crazy.

Guys who like to dress up in team mascot outfits and play "Centerfield"?
 
posted by Herodios at 8:27 AM on October 2, 2013


"Put me in, Coach! I'm ready to spray -- today!"
posted by Madamina at 8:55 AM on October 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


So I'm God, OK--glad you're a fan, I get that a lot--and there's this dude, people call him Duke, nice guy but sort of awkward, and seriously in need of a fate intervention, nothing major, about a Class Gamma should do it, just a little something to knock his expectations around and get him to question his assumptions about life and maybe motivate him a little to be brave and bold. So I go to Raphael and I says to him, I says, "Anything local we can set him up with? I like to stay local when I can, I hear the kids downstairs are doing that with the food and it intrigues me."

So Rafe is thinking, and finally he gives up and just goes to Yelp. "Well, there's this bar, but they're kind of random in their entertainment; one night it's GWAR and the next it's an 80s night..."

"Adjacent nights?"

"Yessir."

I crack my knuckles. "Let me show you how We kick it oldskool."
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:16 PM on October 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Billy Ocean version came on my headphones this morning, and as I took the stairs out of the subway two at a time, I couldn't resist growling: "Get out of my dreams... get into my fucked up life!"

So yeah, I'll almost certainly be performing the song their way whenever I karaoke it from this point on.
posted by Eideteker at 7:16 AM on November 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


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