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Cut mine into four pieces. I don't think I could eat eight.
November 13, 2013 9:31 AM   Subscribe

The Modern Farmer Pie Chart of Pies
posted by zarq (40 comments total) 31 users marked this as a favorite

 
The magazine also has a regular feature called "Old Time Farm Crime":
* The Embalmed Beef Scandal of 1898
* Did Jennie Manning Feed Her Husband to the Hogs?
* The Hooch Farmers of Templeton
* The Coffee Spies of the 1700's
* The Werewolf Farmer of Bedburg
* Fleecing Feathers
* Trench Warfare (Cattle Rustlers in 19th Century Argentina)
* Dick Turpin, Horse Thief
posted by zarq at 9:33 AM on November 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


Fantastic! This is now my monthly project for 2014.

mmm... pie
posted by jbickers at 9:34 AM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Marshall Eriksen's head just imploded.
posted by Etrigan at 9:35 AM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Pie: the most humble of desserts, and for a lot of people, the dessert with the most memories attached.

(I miss my grandmother's lemon pie. She doesn't bake much anymore and I never did get the recipe. It lives on in my memory.)
posted by Kitteh at 9:35 AM on November 13, 2013


January... Beef
February... Beef
March... Beef

Why do we need a chart?
posted by pipeski at 9:36 AM on November 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


It doesn't include butterscotch, but that is always in season.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:37 AM on November 13, 2013


pipeski: "January... Beef
February... Beef
March... Beef

Why do we need a chart?
"

Indeed!

January... pie
February ... pie
March ... pie
April ... pie

&c.
posted by chavenet at 9:38 AM on November 13, 2013


Things like this make me sad that I tend to prefer more of a delicious main course over most sweet deserts (and nearly all pies for that matter).

... because it sounds awesome.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:42 AM on November 13, 2013


I sincerely hope I'm the only one for whom the post title scanned like a Papa Roach lyric.

Also, pecan. Every month. Fruit pie is a terrible waste of perfectly-good fruit.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:43 AM on November 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Chess pie?

This is a new pie for me, and personal discovery of a new type of pie makes me wonder if there are a multitude of undiscovered pies out there. What we really need is a checklist of all possible pie types so I can make sure I have tried all possible pies before I die.We should probably croudsource it or maybe someone like google can develop a pie algorithm.

Of course this could be like the time I thought I discovered a new type of pickle and it turned out to be some kind of chutney.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:48 AM on November 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Things like this make me sad that I tend to prefer more of a delicious main course over most sweet deserts (and nearly all pies for that matter).

I bring you the happy.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:51 AM on November 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


If the idea is to avoid long-distance imports*, why include chocolate? The US produces an insignificant amount of cacao, and it's all grown in Hawaii anyway.

Also, the sickly-sweet abomination that is chess pie should be replaced by lime, which is seasonally appropriate for April in the US.

* It can't actually be about seasonal produce. Peaches harvested in Chile in December are perfectly in season in the southern hemisphere. The problem is the long-distance importation, often of varieties that are necessarily selected for traveling more than flavor.
posted by jedicus at 9:53 AM on November 13, 2013


Does anyone know of a similar graphic that tries to do this for produce?
That's one area of my cooking that needs serious improvement; I have never really committed the seasonality of ingredients to memory and would love something intuitive and visual.
posted by staccato signals of constant information at 9:53 AM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Does anyone know of a similar graphic that tries to do this for produce?

Take your pick.
posted by jedicus at 9:56 AM on November 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


I suppose I should have been able to do that...

Thanks!
posted by staccato signals of constant information at 9:59 AM on November 13, 2013


Ad hominem: "What we really need is a checklist of all possible pie types"

Wikipedia: List of pies, tarts and flans
posted by zarq at 10:00 AM on November 13, 2013 [4 favorites]


Thoroughbred Pie: bourbon, walnuts, chocolate.
posted by Iridic at 10:15 AM on November 13, 2013 [3 favorites]


From the Wikipedia link:

Cookie Cake Pie | United States | Sweet | A combination of cookie dough and cake batter baked together in a pie crust.

Served with ice cream I assume.
posted by LoraT at 10:15 AM on November 13, 2013


Mods are asleep, post pies.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:15 AM on November 13, 2013


Pecan in January? No way; it is a Thanksgiving staple here!
posted by TedW at 10:29 AM on November 13, 2013


Sugar Cream Pie (AKA "Indiana Death Pie")

And then there's Million Dollar Pie, a recipe so simple that I'll just give it to you: Dump a can of condensed milk, a large can of drained crushed pineapple, about a quarter cup of lemon juice, and a small tub of Cool Whip in a mixing bowl. Combine and spoon into two ready-made Graham cracker shells. Chill; serve. At your discretion, you may frost the pies with additional Cool Whip, or add nuts, or vary the amount of lemon juice.
posted by Iridic at 10:43 AM on November 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


I really, really want goats. That is all.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:05 AM on November 13, 2013


Wikipedia: List of pies, tarts and flans

It's times like this that make me wish I was a stunt journalist.
posted by gwint at 11:25 AM on November 13, 2013


Mods are asleep, post pies.

Best in Show Meat Pie
The Perfect Meat Pie

For when you can't decide whether you want meat or pie.
posted by Panjandrum at 11:35 AM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


From the best in show link -
“This pie is inspired by the exploits of “The Flying Pie Man,” an Englishman who emigrated to Australia in 1829. He was famous for his delectable meat pies which he sold to passengers riding on the Paramatta[-bound] steamer. He would then run to Paramatta, meeting the same passengers as they arrived and sold them his unsold pies.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:45 AM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


September = cherry? What part of the country is this chart from? Sour cherries are long gone by then.
posted by kenko at 11:55 AM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


So chess pie is just creamed butter pie? Really?
posted by maudlin at 11:57 AM on November 13, 2013


Sorry, if the filling's not fruit, it's not pie*. And if that fruit is in custard form it's suspect.

*Pumpkin is not fruit, sorry.
posted by aspo at 11:57 AM on November 13, 2013


(Savory pies not included, void where prohibited by law)
posted by aspo at 11:58 AM on November 13, 2013


aspo: "Sorry, if the filling's not fruit, it's not pie*."

According to....? :)
posted by zarq at 12:10 PM on November 13, 2013


And how could I forget mince pie: the Real American Pie?
posted by Iridic at 12:12 PM on November 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


> This is a new pie for me, and personal discovery of a new type of pie makes me wonder if there are a multitude of undiscovered pies out there.

There's vinegar pie too. And that weird mock apple pie made of saltines. The things you discover when you move to the South...

(Woulda mentioned Tourtiere as it's my favorite by far besides my mom's lard-and-ice-water-and-upstate-NY-apple pie, but beaten to the punch as usual. Bonus, it freezes well! I remember returning home from a holiday visit ON CHRISTMAS EVE and having frozen tourtiere reheated for dinner...saved our hides.)
posted by ifjuly at 8:35 PM on November 13, 2013


> So chess pie is just creamed butter pie? Really?

Unsurprisingly as it's Southern it's hella sweet. Like, hurts your teeth, can-feel-the-granules-of-sugar sweet. Sticky and sugary goo. (Can you tell I'm not the biggest fan?)
posted by ifjuly at 8:39 PM on November 13, 2013


So chess pie is just creamed butter pie? Really?

Nope, a chess pie is basically a sweet custard pie, but with cornmeal in it: eggs, milk/cream, vanilla, cornmeal. It's got a great texture. The one I make has lemon as well. Very simple, easy to make with stuff one might have around the house.

On edit: I got my recipe from James McNair--it's sweet, but not sticky-sweet like many Southern pies are.
posted by suelac at 9:05 PM on November 13, 2013


Here are my grandmother's Vinegar Pie recipes as she wrote them down:

2 eggs
1 cup sugar
2 heaping tbsp. flour
2 tbsp. vinegar
3/4 cup cold water
sprinkling of nutmeg
pie crust

beat eggs, sugar and flour together. Blend in vinegar and water, sprinkle nutmeg on top and bake in a crust for 30 minutes at 375 degrees.

Recipe 2:

1/2c brown sugar
1/2c white sugar
1/4c vinegar (to taste)
1/4c cornstarch
salt
1/4c butter
lemon extract
1 1/2c water

400 degrees 10 minutes 375 30 minutes

she also has a rather intriguing "White potato pie" and tofu pie which contains tofu, sesame paste and maple syrup.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:39 PM on November 13, 2013


All good squirrels love us some pecan pie. puhcahn pah mmmmmm
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:47 PM on November 13, 2013


Iridic: Dump a can of condensed milk, a large can of drained crushed pineapple, about a quarter cup of lemon juice, and a small tub of Cool Whip in a mixing bowl. Combine and spoon into two ready-made Graham cracker shells. Chill; serve.

I'm sorry, but that sounds like some Sandra Lee level stuff right there. Who knows, it may be delicious, but all I can think of reading this description are her dead eyes...
posted by Hal Mumkin at 1:04 AM on November 14, 2013


I'll admit it's pure Better Living Through Canned Goods, but the Million Dollar Pie actually turns out light, slightly zesty, and generally delightful; the ingredients meld.

Think of it as Defcon Pie, for when your guests are arriving in fourteen minutes and your oven is broken.
posted by Iridic at 4:38 AM on November 14, 2013


Good thing they labeled Jan. as pecan.

I thought it was a brick of poo.

Poo Pie.
posted by stormpooper at 7:02 AM on November 14, 2013


Yeah, I was having a hard time figuring out what January was supposed to be.
posted by gingerbeer at 8:39 PM on November 14, 2013


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