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Blessed are the cheesemakers
November 20, 2013 1:39 PM   Subscribe

Bacteria from personalities has been used to make human cheese as part of an exhibition on synthetic biology in Dublin. This included cheeses grown from bacteria from various belly buttons, noses, armpits, tears, mouths and toes. If that's a bit too strong for you, then other exhibits in the show include humans reproducing dolphins for food, and mice cloned from Elvis Presley's DNA.
posted by Wordshore (40 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
I just threw up into my mouth a little bit

and made it into a cheese
posted by Beardman at 1:46 PM on November 20, 2013 [17 favorites]


WHY
posted by elizardbits at 1:47 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


The cheese scientist is my friend's older sister! She has been discussed previously.

Her blog is also cool.
posted by Aizkolari at 1:53 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm telling you, cheesemaking is a Dark Art.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:55 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've known several people who don't like cheese, and even though cheese is just about my favorite food, I can empathize with them. Cheese, when you think about it, is nasty.

I am also not going to get pregnant with dolphins just so I can eat them. Science, you're gross.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:58 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


We're science: we're all about coulda Gouda, not shoulda!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:59 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am also not going to get pregnant with dolphins just so I can eat them.

This could be weirdly interesting, just to hear how Rick Santorum denounces it when he next runs for president.
posted by Wordshore at 2:00 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


No whey!
posted by zakur at 2:03 PM on November 20, 2013 [5 favorites]


Speaker-to-Animals would not approve.
posted by tommasz at 2:04 PM on November 20, 2013


Hey I'm carrying around probably 3-4 pounds of bacteria at any given time; I'd gladly donate a pound to cheese. Because cheese.

Also, I carry them around in a largish tin.
posted by Mister_A at 2:05 PM on November 20, 2013


Metroid Baby: "I've known several people who don't like cheese"

WHAT!?!?
Who are these so-called "people"?
Cheese makes everything better and is made from 100% delicious.

These heretics must be burned at the stake.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 2:07 PM on November 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


No.
posted by pxe2000 at 2:20 PM on November 20, 2013


Thanks to this article I learned about this [probably not safe for work or for sanity], which is both really, really problematic and also probably not real.
posted by 1adam12 at 2:23 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


the dolphin piece is the most useless idea AND artwork i've ever seen
posted by MangyCarface at 2:26 PM on November 20, 2013


Soylent Gruyere

(soooo gross)
posted by etc. at 2:38 PM on November 20, 2013


Pairs well with...
posted by tonycpsu at 2:45 PM on November 20, 2013


Hm, giving birth to random marine mammals would be a great way to get the need to have kids out of the way without the cost (economic and environmental!) of actually raising them. And what teen girl or sixty-odd-year-old man wouldn't want to give birth to a rhino-baby at some point? Seems like a great way to rebuild the population...
posted by kaibutsu at 2:51 PM on November 20, 2013


>> And what teen girl or sixty-odd-year-old man wouldn't want to give birth to a rhino-baby...

I'm a 62 year-old man, and I gotta tell you, I'm really not interested. But thanks for asking.
posted by mojohand at 2:56 PM on November 20, 2013 [8 favorites]


The elvis link is a duplicate. Can't. Stand. Suspense.
posted by bunderful at 3:08 PM on November 20, 2013


I love cheese, but yes, it's totally nasty if you think about it in the right way. Find a big stinky stupid animal and collect some secretions from the bottom half. Let this sit until it starts to go bad, then squeeze out the liquid and smoosh the fatty solid part together. Let this sit for a while too so it can continue to go bad. The final product should smell like your feet after a hard day's work in the field.

Really, I'm just trying to discourage you so I can eat more cheese. Maybe not human cheese, though.
posted by echo target at 3:08 PM on November 20, 2013


Have we got Eloi yet? Not that I would want to eat one, mind you. Just hold hands.
posted by jfuller at 3:15 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sounds nifty. I'd give it a try.

Realistically, all cultures come from somewhere - even those that where isolated ages ago. People carry a lot of yeast and bacteria, so could well have been the source for any number of cultures that we now maintain in labs.

It isn't entirely clear, but it is thought that at least some of the bacteria and yeast in sourdough bread cultures come from people.
posted by ssg at 3:17 PM on November 20, 2013


They mentioned this on WWDTM the other day and at first I thought they meant cheese made from human breast milk. (Which I think has been done before too, now that I think about it.)

They should just go for broke and do both. Cheese made from human milk and human-origin bacteria.
posted by kmz at 3:26 PM on November 20, 2013


Let's keep in mind that cheese is a food so weird we probably only learned that it's even possible to make it because of ancient nomads having to store milk in animal stomachs. Without rennet happening to turn milk into cheese, we'd be left with just the other gross fermented things that happen to be delicious.
posted by Copronymus at 3:40 PM on November 20, 2013


There's a whole "Celebrity Cheese" business opportunity here...

Tomme de Cruise
Kate Mossarella
Cheddarlize Theron
Cocottage Chanel (I guess they'd have to go digging for that one)
Havartison Ford
Eminemtaler
Tina Feyta

PROFIT!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:44 PM on November 20, 2013 [7 favorites]


Mark my words, within two years all those restaurants that are currently serving meals made entirely of foam will be selling this to the foodies for $100 a pop.
posted by Jess the Mess at 3:47 PM on November 20, 2013


Oh man this reminds me of Antiviral:
Antiviral is a 2012 Canadian horror film directed by Brandon Cronenberg.
...
In a dystopian, celebrity-obsessed near-future, Syd March is employed by the Lucas Clinic, a company which purchases viruses and other pathogens from celebrities who fall ill, in order to inject them into clients who desire a connection with celebrities.
posted by mulligan at 3:48 PM on November 20, 2013


Mmmmm, good with scab crackers and toe jam.
posted by BlueHorse at 3:56 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


I knew this would come in handy.
posted by Space Kitty at 4:04 PM on November 20, 2013


bleurk


Also, not a single dick cheese reference yet? Classy crowd.
posted by billiebee at 4:11 PM on November 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


About the mouse made with Elvis' DNA... this story was run on BBC 6 Music as a quirky, sorta-music-news filler, and by the time the next track had gone out they'd had a bunch of listeners make contact saying "Oh, that's bollocks.". One of which was "I'm no scientist, but even I know that's mince"; another, "I'm a geneticist, and that's complete balderdash".

Which made me very happy to be a 6 Music listener. Which 6 Music does anyway, because it has Jarvis Cocker and the Freak Zone and Tom Ravenscroft, but ir's nice to be among friends.
posted by Devonian at 4:13 PM on November 20, 2013


The human mothers giving birth to dolphins as child substitute pets or food animals to eat or both concept is described as "a win-win relationship" by the conceptual (*groan*) artist.
posted by Bwithh at 4:18 PM on November 20, 2013


Not much call for it 'round here.
posted by dragstroke at 4:19 PM on November 20, 2013


Not much call for it 'round here.

Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?

Human Cheese Shop Operator: Yes, sir.

C: Really? Alright, speed round. I'm gonna rattle off some names, and when I hit it, you fuckin' buzz it, okay? You got me?

O: You do it. I will tell you. Yeah.

C: Alright: Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Serena, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal, Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantelle, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista, Mindy, Noel, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Urleen, Claudia, Savannah, Casey, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Chloe, Devon, Emmalou, fuckin' *Becky*?

O: No.

C: Wait; was it any of those names with a "Lynn" after it?

O: Yes!

C: Oh, I got you, motherfucker! I got you!

[Operator laughs]

C: Okay. Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn...

O: You haven't asked me about Tami-Lynn, sir.

C: [Exasperated] *Fuck*! Would it be worth it?

O: Could be.

C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI OFF!

O: Told you sir...

C: (slowly) Have you got any Tami-Lynn?

O: No.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:30 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think limberger is made from one of the same bacterium that causes athlete's foot. I guess everything old, moldy, stinky (and delicious!) is new again.
posted by umberto at 5:06 PM on November 20, 2013


Was just about to close my browser at work when a few more celebrity cheeses popped into my head!

Bries Willis
Gotyere
Curd Russell
Baby Bel Murray

Celebricheeses?
Cheeselebrities?

posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:08 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


I've known several people who don't like cheese, and even though cheese is just about my favorite food, I can empathize with them. Cheese, when you think about it, is nasty.

When I lived in Japan I could not understand the appeal of natto. It doesn't look appealing (rather disgusting honestly), it smells like old socks, and tastes bland until you add mustard, which is also true of other things that manage to not look and smell terrible. Yet this gooey, smelly brown mess of fermented beans is a staple over there.

I thought I was pretty clever asking my friend what the appeal was until he asked me "why do you foreigners like cheese?" And I'm like "that's different because oh shit no it's not."
posted by Hoopo at 5:40 PM on November 20, 2013


Hairy Lobster: "WHAT!?!?
Who are these so-called "people"?
"

Well, besides the lactose intolerant...I have a friend who refuses to eat cheese (excepting pizza) because it reminds him of growing up poor and getting Government Cheese.
posted by notsnot at 6:17 PM on November 20, 2013


It's different. Often goes well with but doesn't need mustard, for instance.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 5:50 AM on November 21, 2013


That's taking the term 'fumunda cheese' too far.

*wretch*
posted by stormpooper at 6:49 AM on November 21, 2013


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