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Toilets and kitchens really aren't like ebony and ivory
April 15, 2014 1:57 AM   Subscribe

Do you lament the loss of the terrible real estate agent photographs that were curated at It's Lovely, I'll Take It (previously)? Or it's later extension as a wing of the Cheezeburger abode? Well, fret no more! Tumblr Terrible Real Estate Agent Photographs is here to continue the fine tradition of suggesting that some real estate agents may lack even the most basic sales skills.
posted by Mezentian (38 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
Hat-tip to MeFi's Own The corpse in the library, who gave me many hours of fantastic, horror images at Lovely Listing in the first place.
posted by Mezentian at 1:58 AM on April 15 [5 favorites]


To be fair, I don't think there is a flattering way to photograph that creepy mirrored bathroom.
posted by NoraReed at 2:44 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


It could be worse, they could have used a flash and over-exposed it.
My favourite WTF is this one.
I am glad someone is enjoying their job.
posted by Mezentian at 2:52 AM on April 15 [2 favorites]


One of my favorite tumblrs!
I wish I knew how to explain the unusual placement of toilets in some of these houses.
posted by Gordafarin at 2:58 AM on April 15 [2 favorites]


James Brooks, co-owner of Streatham-based Brooks Estate Agents, which is selling the Tulse Hill flat, said: “Usually in this situation we would only take pictures of the outside, but now we think we should show exactly what people are going to see so they don’t get spooked when they go inside.”
posted by verstegan at 3:58 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


Chair Lives!
posted by mrzarquon at 4:02 AM on April 15 [9 favorites]


I'm surprised not to have found any fully functional, fully exposed toilets in the front yard. Maybe I just haven't scrolled down far enough.
posted by oceanjesse at 4:56 AM on April 15


Most houses around here have a toilet in the basement, usually free-standing.
posted by octothorpe at 5:02 AM on April 15


I love @BadRealtyPhotos, with gems like the blue room and the fertility window.
posted by dabitch at 5:03 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


I briefly temped at an estate agents, and I completely blew their minds by showing them how, in Photoshop, you could adjust the brightness and contrast to actually make photos look better.

Introducing them to hue and saturation might have caused meltdowns.
posted by Katemonkey at 5:06 AM on April 15 [10 favorites]


Oh, and for Swedish versions, fula hem serves up several pine from hell homes, because that's how 1970s Sweden rolled, yo.
posted by dabitch at 5:37 AM on April 15


Blair Witch Renovation
posted by Rock Steady at 5:42 AM on April 15


Most houses around here have a toilet in the basement, usually free-standing.

My grandparents had the Pittsburgh Toilet! I see those in houses now and again and people are so baffled. I know exactly what the story is.

My grandparents were stockpilers, so their basement toilet walls were made with cases of Kraft Dinner and Ketchup.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:08 AM on April 15 [5 favorites]


I wish I knew how to explain the unusual placement of toilets in some of these houses.

Those photos actually inspired me. We live in your basic little mid-century American 3-bedroom ranch. We are a family of 5 and have only one bathroom. Until I saw all those toilets right next to exterior doors, I never realized that the tiny little nook that passes for an entryway in our house is just about the perfect size for a half-bath. We hardly use the front door anyway!

That's my best guess about some of these toilets: that those were the only semi-unused space for conversion to a second bath. Though I don't get the failure to build a wall--perhaps the people living there used portable screens?
posted by not that girl at 6:26 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


Most houses around here have a toilet in the basement, usually free-standing.

These, and showers that hang down from a pipe near the basement floor drain, are pretty common in certain neighborhoods around here, as well, in houses that were built in the first half of the 20th century and later used to raise large families.
posted by not that girl at 6:27 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


I can imagine spewing over all of the mirrors in that bathroom. The bathroom needs to be a nice simple place with minimum stimulus, not a cascading reflective hell.
posted by Joe Chip at 6:33 AM on April 15


> Chair Lives!

*sniffs*
*dabs eyes*
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:36 AM on April 15 [11 favorites]


Though I don't get the failure to build a wall--perhaps the people living there used portable screens?

It's a lot easier to build the bathroom around plumbing than to bring in someone to do plumbing later.
posted by Atreides at 6:39 AM on April 15


Conversions of tiny closets into half baths, or what we used to call a "Stockholm shower", a toilet and a wallmounted rubber shower hose in the same spot, so you'd be standing next to toilet or sitting on the toilet washing up as that was the only space available were really common in some apartments in old Stockholm until people started knocking down and moving walls.

Meanwhile on Redfin weird things rich people have: A fully Stuffed Safari Room
posted by dabitch at 6:39 AM on April 15 [2 favorites]


the fertility window.

If I remember my Internet: That's not a penis, but a raised middle finger.
The ex-husband or disgruntled neighbour (I forget which) had a dispute with his neighbour/ex-wife.
It went to court and... that was the result.

I recognised one or two others two.

So not all of these are to Lovely Listing's high standards.

Oblig:
Metafilter: That's not a penis, but a raised middle finger.
posted by Mezentian at 7:00 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


converted church would also be an acceptable answer, but you still get points because I remember the one you're talking about too.
posted by dabitch at 7:09 AM on April 15


Oh my.
It has been a few years since I saw that.
Well found.
posted by Mezentian at 7:12 AM on April 15


Is that Patton Oswald?
posted by Mick at 8:28 AM on April 15


"You see, something is going to happen."

"What?"

"Something wonderful."
posted by BrashTech at 8:42 AM on April 15 [1 favorite]


Meanwhile on Redfin weird things rich people have: A fully Stuffed Safari Room
posted by dabitch at 9:39 AM on April 15


There was a listing like that in Pittsburgh last summer. It gave new meaning to the phrase "game room". I wish I had saved the link, it served well in hours of hilarity for my family.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 8:56 AM on April 15


What's with the toilets in the kitchen? (And the one in the living room). Is there a Pittsburgh toilet-like explanation for those? I wonder if there are countries where that's not unusual.
posted by ashworth at 9:17 AM on April 15


I suggest a contest: Real Estate Photo or Crime Scene?
posted by tommasz at 9:28 AM on April 15 [4 favorites]


I guess it's like New York bath tubs, which (used to) be commonly found in the kitchen as that was the room with the large water piping when the old building got water.
posted by dabitch at 10:15 AM on April 15


I guess it's like New York bath tubs, which (used to) be commonly found in the kitchen as that was the room with the large water piping when the old building got water.

I'm pretty accomodating and the past is a foreign country and all that, but I don't think I could work with that. Too freaking weird.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:05 AM on April 15


I'm pretty accomodating and the past is a foreign country and all that, but I don't think I could work with that. Too freaking weird.

oh hai, former hippie kid with a dad who moved to a 3-room cabin in BFE West Virginia with my stepmom, my 2 younger halfbrothers and 2 older halfsisters in the mid 1970s.

See, the thing is, when raising large amounts of kids in old tenements and / or country cabins with poorly plumbed (or in our case, nonexistent) running water and no central heating, the kitchen / central living area is the PERFECT place for a bath, because, well, it's the only source of heat and hot water, period.

You get used to bathing naked in public really, really quickly, or you freeze to death in January. Them's the choices.
posted by lonefrontranger at 11:41 AM on April 15 [2 favorites]


I had my NYC shower in the kitchen.

.....And a male straight roommate. Awk-ward. (Or would have been if we hadn't both been 'whatever, we're Swedish' about it)
posted by dabitch at 12:50 PM on April 15


To save on hiring expensive photographers, agents are often happy to use footage provided by paranormal investigators.


I love some of the captions.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:11 PM on April 15


> I suggest a contest: Real Estate Photo or Crime Scene?

If I might self-link: it's not always quite the clear divide you'd think.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:47 PM on April 15 [2 favorites]


Redrum.
posted by Kevin Street at 3:18 PM on April 15


If only you could see some of the pics I have at work....
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:25 PM on April 15 [1 favorite]


What the fuck!
posted by Snarl Furillo at 9:58 PM on April 15 [1 favorite]


This snug starter home is perfect for multiple pets... as long as you are willing to hold them the entire time.
posted by taz at 2:25 AM on April 16


If it was just the cats there'd be plenty of room. Adding people might be problematic.
posted by Kevin Street at 9:50 AM on April 16


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