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Funnilingus
May 31, 2014 12:47 PM   Subscribe

A charmingly illustrated guide on how to engage in oral sex with a woman.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (60 comments total) 65 users marked this as a favorite

 
Halfway through the pussy turns into a bearded guy's mouth.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:57 PM on May 31


why not link to the artists actual site, instead of freaking buzzfeed?

i mean maybe i have an irrational hatred of buzzfeed, but it feels pretty rational to me.
posted by emptythought at 1:02 PM on May 31 [62 favorites]


So they aren't teaching "Duck and Cover" anymore?
posted by Saxon Kane at 1:03 PM on May 31 [3 favorites]


More of the same can be found in Erika Moen's webcomic, Oh Joy Sex Toy, which is super cute and super NSFW. With a lot of reviews of products and info on a range of sex-related issues.
posted by dinty_moore at 1:03 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


Previously
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:07 PM on May 31


all urethra all the time
posted by mullacc at 1:10 PM on May 31 [1 favorite]


The one where Erika ends up wearing the clubvibe while watching house of cards is especially charming and hilarious.
posted by dinty_moore at 1:10 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


That strip is like half the reason I'm buying her book.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:14 PM on May 31 [1 favorite]


Halfway through the pussy turns into a bearded guy's mouth.

That means you're doing it correctly.
posted by hal_c_on at 1:26 PM on May 31 [5 favorites]


i've been doing it wrong all these years!
posted by bruce at 1:26 PM on May 31


Does what it says on the box.
posted by ssmug at 1:36 PM on May 31 [10 favorites]


1. Eat no chili.
posted by hat_eater at 1:41 PM on May 31 [2 favorites]


Why cartoon man have no wiener? Would that be indecent?
posted by dgaicun at 1:48 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


Why cartoon man have no wiener? Would that be indecent?

The buttfeed comments suggest it could be a trans man. She's generally really inclusive about the characters she puts in her comics, and tries to include a little bit of everything.
posted by emptythought at 1:50 PM on May 31 [15 favorites]


[updated the post to link to the original instead of buzzfeed, per poster's request]
posted by mathowie at 2:06 PM on May 31 [8 favorites]


Foci for Analysis, that explains a lot. Thanks!
posted by a halcyon day at 2:10 PM on May 31


Does what it says on the box.

The instructions are written right there? Why did I never notice?
posted by yoink at 2:26 PM on May 31 [17 favorites]


I'm not sure if this is a derail, but: I love Erika Moen and generally enjoy OJST, but I was pretty skeeved out by the clubvibe comic. Secretly getting off with a sex toy in a crowded public place seems to me to be just as gross, and carry the same consent issues, as jerking off under your table while watching girls on the dance floor. And yet she presents the former as being totally okay (if not her bag).
posted by 256 at 2:29 PM on May 31 [2 favorites]


No matter how "body positive" the message, it's interesting how comics for women never draw men as overweight.
posted by four panels at 2:39 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


Important safety tip. Thanks Egon.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 2:49 PM on May 31


four panels: Check out some of her other posts, there are overweight people with penises in them. For example: Fleshlight, Pregnancy, Loveglider, and then I stopped clicking through them.

She shows a wide range of people: queer, trans, various races, various sizes, there's at least one with an amputee. It's not the *focus* of the comics, but she does make a strong effort to diversify.

(edited to change "overweight men" to "overweight people with penises" in light of muddgirl's comment right after mine)
posted by HermitDog at 2:50 PM on May 31 [20 favorites]


"... the Masturbateers are fictional, gender-neutral characters who portray the use of the sex toys that Erika is reviewing. Their pronouns as individuals are “They, Them and Their” and they refer to their genitalia by their medical, anatomical names."

So technically Erika hasn't portrayed any fat women in the OJST comic strip, either.
posted by muddgirl at 2:51 PM on May 31 [4 favorites]


I also doubt that Oh Joy Sex Toy is really meant for a female-only audience. I mean, men with vaginas aside, they do also do reviews of cock rings and sheaths and such. Also, my boyfriend was totally reading it before I showed it to him.

More people with vaginas tend to be shown than people with penises because the majority of sex toys they're sent to review are vagina-oriented, but there are definitely cases where people are drawn with penises and pudge.
posted by dinty_moore at 2:57 PM on May 31 [3 favorites]


Secretly getting off with a sex toy in a crowded public place seems to me to be just as gross, and carry the same consent issues, as jerking off under your table while watching girls on the dance floor.

Someone jerking off under the table is, whether they like it or not, participating in a long and creepy history of dudes getting off on exposing themselves / jerking off in front of unwitting third parties which makes the act pretty intrinsically creepy. It's not something that exists purely in the abstract.*

In a completely fair world, if you're managing to get yourself off in such a way that the people around you don't know that you're getting off, and in particular if making them know that you're getting off isn't part of the whole thing, then it probably ought to be a no-harm-no-foul situation regardless of what equipment you actually have.

But, given the society in which we actually live, a woman getting herself off doesn't trigger the same wtf-naked-guy-in-a-raincoat-in-the-park reaction for most people. Arguably, there's a lot of sexism there in the way that our society treats female sexuality and its expressions as less intimidating than male sexuality and its expressions, but to a large extent that's been earned by thousands of years of male sexual aggression; it's not arbitrary. A guy wacking it under a table might be just enjoying himself or he might be getting ready for rape (or at the very least increasing the fear factor of everyone around him, like someone putting a gun on a table and chambering a round); a woman doing the same thing probably isn't. In short: an aroused woman isn't threatening.

The two aren't equivalent and don't have the same social baggage and it's not entirely unreasonable that our society treats them differently.

* I almost said "in a vacuum" here but I figured that would just lead to a lot of vacuum jokes.
posted by Kadin2048 at 2:58 PM on May 31 [14 favorites]


oh my gosh, i love this, every little thing about it. BONER CITY! made me laugh out loud. <3 Erika Moen.
posted by ifjuly at 3:07 PM on May 31 [2 favorites]


Sorry, term paper aside, masturbating in public is masturbating in public. Secretly masturbating in public is secretly masturbating in public. No judgement, though, go for it!
posted by C.A.S. at 3:11 PM on May 31 [2 favorites]


Kadin2048: I get that completely. Sorry, I was intending to use "jerking off" in a gender neutral sense. As you say, in a perfect world, the creepy value should be gender independent, but of course we don't live in that world.

Even so, a woman (especially an older or not-standardly-attractive) woman getting herself off with her hands in a club is going to get kicked out and may end up in jail, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I don't see how the act changes that much just because you are using a machine to conceal what you are doing.
posted by 256 at 3:12 PM on May 31


to add the slightest bit of substance to my gushing (har har): the fact that yeah, the characters might be trans, there's a woman getting it on who isn't skinny in the mainstream porno vein of things and it ain't no thang, mentioning there's a ton of awesome stuff going on you can't see anatomy-wise (and that the vagina is not synonymous with the vulva), the positive use of the word cunt, the also-ain't-no-thang "hey, some vulvas have hair on them and that's cool", on and on.
posted by ifjuly at 3:13 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


256: I get where you're going with it, but I do think there's a difference between a dude fondling themselves while staring at an unknowing participant and the clubvibe thing, because the clubvibe thing isn't necessarily including someone else without their consent. I mean, there can be a voyueristic aspect of it, but they're getting off (or trying not to get off while being continuously aroused) because of the toy, not because of the contents of the library.

Purposeful public arousal isn't exactly new, and I definitely wouldn't be comfortable if I realized someone else was using an all day panty vibe or a male toy to sustain arousal in public. But in a more awkward and less skeevy way than the realization that someone is didling themselves while touching my ass on public transit. I can definitely see how the clubvibe can be used in super creepy ways, but I don't think it necessarily automatically goes into sex offender category.
posted by dinty_moore at 3:17 PM on May 31 [3 favorites]


There are quite a few women who can masturbate in public without using their hands or a toy (by clenching their thighs, for example), and I can imagine that there are men who can do the same. If it's unnoticeable, why should I care? All the perverts I've noticed jacking off in public have wanted me to notice they were jacking off. That makes a big difference to me.

Not to mention couples who engage in discreet D/S in public, or even sex play that seems to be completely socially acceptable like, "I'm not wearing any underwear" before going out to dinner. It's clearly not as cut-and-dried as "sex play in public is always wrong."
posted by muddgirl at 3:20 PM on May 31 [23 favorites]


Even so, a woman (especially an older or not-standardly-attractive) woman getting herself off with her hands in a club is going to get kicked out and may end up in jail, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I don't see how the act changes that much just because you are using a machine to conceal what you are doing.

The tipping point in my mind is involving other people. If you have some kind of vibrating gadget in your pants and you're getting off in public, that's different from having some kind of vibrating gadget in your pants and going up to people and pointing to your crotch and yelling CHECK THIS OUT I'M TOTALLY GETTING OFF while getting off in public.

I mean, if I'm at a club and there's someone totally hot there and I'm captivated, that person's going into my spank bank and will be the cause of at least one really trashy orgasm at some point. Whether it's at home, in a bathroom stall at the club or on the dance floor doesn't change the outcome or its viscosity. But if I'm drawing others' attention to that unless they're perfectly cool with my doing so, that's stepping over a line.
posted by delfin at 3:26 PM on May 31


oh man, and her anal sex guide is pretty great too--i would've never thought to use snails as butt sex mascots, but it makes sense! squee.
posted by ifjuly at 3:34 PM on May 31


that's different from having some kind of vibrating gadget in your pants and going up to people and pointing to your crotch and yelling CHECK THIS OUT I'M TOTALLY GETTING OFF while getting off in public.

Well it's obvious you've never done this. Duh.

One day you might see someone who's having what looks like a minor seizure. It won't last more than 20 seconds or so. They might be epileptic but they might be getting off. The physiological symptoms are pretty much the same.
posted by localroger at 3:35 PM on May 31


I wondered if all the sex toy reviews were positive - but, poking around the archives, I found this one, and it's quite funny.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 4:10 PM on May 31 [2 favorites]


This was the best Portlandia sketch ever
posted by C.A.S. at 4:10 PM on May 31 [4 favorites]


That was intense.
posted by Halogenhat at 4:28 PM on May 31


I'm glad she doesn't trot out that writing-the-alphabet with your tongue shit. Cut that out, guys.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 4:53 PM on May 31 [7 favorites]


"You may be tempted to jump straight to the clit"

(qft)
posted by triggerfinger at 4:56 PM on May 31 [1 favorite]


Oh, Tenga Spiral... Glances over to bookshelf holding tastefully displayed "work of art" (or is it tasteful?)
posted by symbioid at 5:18 PM on May 31


"It's not the alphabet, babe, it's an Italian sonnet."
posted by notyou at 5:19 PM on May 31 [1 favorite]


I recommend eating a habinero right before you go down there. Makes for an unforgettable session.
posted by humanfont at 5:21 PM on May 31 [1 favorite]


I'm glad she doesn't trot out that writing-the-alphabet with your tongue shit. Cut that out, guys.

But it's a guaranteed way to hit the g-spot!
posted by yoink at 5:26 PM on May 31 [3 favorites]


Yeah, but it's so inefficient to go through six other letters first.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:58 PM on May 31 [8 favorites]


I like how the penises depicted in this comic are intact. That is all.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:02 PM on May 31 [1 favorite]


I'm glad she doesn't trot out that writing-the-alphabet with your tongue shit. Cut that out, guys.

I've always wondered - can you actually tell if someone is doing that to you?

I won't lie, I tried it once or twice.
posted by atoxyl at 6:21 PM on May 31


I'm glad she doesn't trot out that writing-the-alphabet with your tongue shit. Cut that out, guys.

There are some important hyphens missing here.
posted by anothermug at 6:50 PM on May 31 [6 favorites]


The important question is _which_ alphabet. In my experience, women prefer those with umlauts.
posted by delfin at 7:29 PM on May 31 [3 favorites]


MetaFilter: at home, in a bathroom stall at the club or on the dance floor doesn't change the outcome or its viscosity.
posted by Jesse the K at 7:49 PM on May 31


The important question is _which_ alphabet. In my experience, women prefer those with umlauts.


I like to use Farsi.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:00 PM on May 31


four panels: Check out some of her other posts, there are overweight people with penises in them. For example: Fleshlight, Pregnancy, Loveglider, and then I stopped clicking through them.

The fleshlight one also includes the anal sex snails, which is probably one of the funniest things i've ever seen on the internet.
posted by emptythought at 8:16 PM on May 31


-i would've never thought to use snails as butt sex mascots, but it makes sense! squee.


Before I read the comic I was guessing it was because of mucous, but slowness makes more sense.

I'm glad she doesn't trot out that writing-the-alphabet with your tongue shit. Cut that out, guys.

Comic Sans fail again.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:16 PM on May 31 [2 favorites]


Yes, we can tell. There's a rhythm that's completely lacking. It's like asking if going through a scale is a song. Or if the letters make up a word. Technically, yes. Communicatively, no. Plus, the tip of the tongue is randomly reaching and darting everywhere and it's totally frustrating and all you can think about is how to gently suggest they stop doing that while at the same time you're hearing the alphabet song in your head and you feel kinda like you've weirdly wandered into parent/child roles and it's gross and confusing.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:57 AM on June 1 [15 favorites]


Btw, this comic is fantastic and I learned a lot! She's new to me, so I'm happily going to check out the rest. Love the gender and sexual inclusivity.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:58 AM on June 1


Such beautiful happiness and excellent instruction.
posted by Pudhoho at 2:37 AM on June 1


It also helps a lot when you're a good listener.
posted by Pudhoho at 2:39 AM on June 1 [2 favorites]


I didn't know about the alphabet thing. Does sound a bit random, and random rarely works.

In time to the Bohemian Rhapsody you've got playing in your head, now... ("Can you tell what it is yet?")

(Musical games can be dangerous. For example, it is perhaps unfortunate if during mild BDSM it transpires in the course of events that somebody deserves to be spanked in time to and for the duration of the next song to come up on shuffle, and that song turns out to be Autobahn. The album version. At least it wasn't Einstein On The Beach... and hey, since when were you all about comfort zones. dearest?)
posted by Devonian at 2:55 AM on June 1 [1 favorite]


Lick the alphabet is an old Sam Kinnison sketch.
posted by Pudhoho at 3:09 AM on June 1


This is the first time in a long time I have read a "how to do something better with another human in relationshippy ways" and discovered I have all the right moves*.

(*does not apply to dancing)
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:05 AM on June 1 [1 favorite]


Today's OJST is about fellatio, FYI.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:43 AM on June 3 [2 favorites]


US student is rescued from giant vagina sculpture in Germany
posted by homunculus at 5:16 PM on June 23


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