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July 3, 2014 6:02 AM   Subscribe


 
Wow, so unexpected.
posted by Pendragon at 6:05 AM on July 3


Full title: "This Stick Of Butter Is Left Out At Room Temperature; You Won't Believe What Happens Next Because You Are an Idiot Who Has Never Heard of Butter."
posted by ardgedee at 6:06 AM on July 3 [25 favorites]


Should have had a spoiler alert.
posted by Kabanos at 6:07 AM on July 3 [8 favorites]


If anyone's confused, this is from ClickHole - the Onion's new Buzzfeed parody site.
posted by Think_Long at 6:14 AM on July 3 [13 favorites]


on their channel, the series of videos about pitbulls is absurdly funny
posted by idiopath at 6:14 AM on July 3 [5 favorites]


Yeah, I have 3 minutes to watch a stick of butter melt... oh wait
posted by maggiemaggie at 6:15 AM on July 3 [8 favorites]


LOLbutter
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:15 AM on July 3


three hours!
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:16 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


I can't believe it's hot butter!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:18 AM on July 3 [13 favorites]


More proof that people will video tape and watch anything, no matter how mundane.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 6:20 AM on July 3


Next up... paint drying....
posted by HuronBob at 6:23 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


This video, with the original title (on Clickhole), was the entirety of the joke. One without the other doesn't make sense? By removing the title, it's like, not a joke anymore? It's just a stick of butter melting?

I don't understand this post, as it's presented. I am also grumpy.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:24 AM on July 3 [23 favorites]




The best of the web kitchen table.
posted by HuronBob at 6:25 AM on July 3


It might be polite to watch the entire video before posting comments. I watched it the other day with my girlfriend on a big screen; some crazy shit happens sporadically throughout.
posted by gman at 6:27 AM on July 3 [6 favorites]


Oh... this is the place where I sell the Brooklyn Bridge?
posted by HuronBob at 6:31 AM on July 3


some crazy shit happens sporadically throughout

Yeah, did you see the woman in the gorilla suit?
posted by soundofsuburbia at 6:32 AM on July 3 [3 favorites]


I don't have three hours, I have popcorn waiting to be dressed right now!
posted by arcticseal at 6:33 AM on July 3


I tried to replicate this at home and was unable to do so. Am I doing something wrong? Or maybe they used some special effects in the video?
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:33 AM on July 3


Ensorcelling!
posted by fairmettle at 6:34 AM on July 3


Clickhole has become one of my new favorite sites. The ratio of throw-away jokes can be a bit high, and it definitely spends a lot of time wasting time, but they still are good at coming up with things that are so absurdly accurate.

One that is darkly accurate from today: Which Founding Father Are You?

But more typically, you see things like the above video, like this:

Got Three Minutes? This Video Will Confirm That
posted by MysticMCJ at 6:48 AM on July 3 [4 favorites]


listen

i'd rather have this melted butter pile than the rock hard brick of cold butter some restaurants give you.
posted by mullacc at 6:50 AM on July 3 [2 favorites]


Doesn't this belong over in FanFare?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 6:54 AM on July 3


This is a placeholder comment. I'll watch the butter video and update my comment as soon as I'm done watching this uncut video of a train ride across Norway.
posted by jessssse at 6:55 AM on July 3


No.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:01 AM on July 3


I don't understand this post, as it's presented.
It's just like being rickrolled, except we just got clickholed!
posted by crazy_yeti at 7:10 AM on July 3


I hope there is a sequel where the butter finishes melting. I feel like that was a pretty anti-climactic point to end the video on, especially after investing three hours of slowly building tension.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 7:14 AM on July 3 [3 favorites]


You smartasses are quick to wisecrack without watching the whole video, including part 2, where the subject is clarified at the end.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:14 AM on July 3 [22 favorites]


This video, with the original title (on Clickhole), was the entirety of the joke.

Now the video, with a new title (on MetaFilter), is the entirety of a new joke.

Other long favourites: Fafa plays ping pong with Fafa for 10 hours (make sure to watch until the end), the extended version of Daym Drops and Gregory Brothers' excellent Oh my dayum, and of course this one.
posted by effbot at 7:22 AM on July 3


I already knew what to expect, since I used to live with a roommate who would always leave the butter out on the countertop after making toast for his breakfast. There it would sit, all day, until I got home from work at night seriouslywtfTony?
posted by darkstar at 7:24 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


TL, DW: Take stick of butter. Place in microwave. Cook for one minute. Ta da.
posted by misha at 7:26 AM on July 3


I was hoping for a plot twist. Instead it's the same old thing, allegorically speaking: main character starts out hard and cold but warms up and softens in the end.

Dickens did it faster with A Christmas Carol but this version is more cost-effective.
posted by kinnakeet at 7:26 AM on July 3 [6 favorites]


some crazy shit happens sporadically throughout

I kept looking at what looks like a mouse turd in the right foreground and wondering why they didn't clean the counter off better
posted by TedW at 7:26 AM on July 3


The action really picks up in the last half hour.
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 7:28 AM on July 3


The Last Tango In Paris remake was a daring attempt to portray events from the butter's POV, but the first scene lacked pacing.
posted by Devonian at 7:29 AM on July 3 [2 favorites]


If anyone's confused, this is from ClickHole - the Onion's new Buzzfeed parody site.

Sadly, even as satire, I rolled with it.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 7:29 AM on July 3


I don't understand this post, as it's presented.

Heh. I had scrolled down here just to say:

I approve of this idea of linking to Clickhole videos using proper, non-Upworthy headlines/link descriptions. Well done.
posted by straight at 7:36 AM on July 3


You smartasses are quick to wisecrack without watching the whole video, including part 2, where the subject is clarified at the end.

Ghee willikers, I had missed that!
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:41 AM on July 3 [3 favorites]


since when is summer heat room temperature!?! correlation does not equal causation

fie upon ye unscientific poster-uppers of butter-meltings

for all we know it's margarine
posted by fraula at 7:42 AM on July 3 [2 favorites]


Q: What did one bullied Paula Deen assistant say to the other?

A: It gets butter.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:43 AM on July 3 [3 favorites]


This is great. Thanks for spreading it.
posted by zakur at 7:50 AM on July 3 [2 favorites]


People who watched this expecting something else and were disappointed: "I can't believe it's not better."
posted by codacorolla at 7:52 AM on July 3 [7 favorites]


People, people! Do not click on the OP video expecting butter truth! It's all lies!

Butter doesn't melt at room temperature!

*musical sting*
posted by petebest at 7:52 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


NO ONE HAS WATCHED THE WHOLE VIDEO HOW CAN YOU COMMENT INTELLIGENTLY ALSO THIS IS MARGARINE-IST
posted by lalochezia at 8:00 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


When you're done with the butter you can watch grass grow. It's only 10 minutes but set it to loop and you'll be good for the rest of the day. (warning: occasional insect)
posted by alms at 8:04 AM on July 3


So in related news it made me crack up that Kerrygold butter is marketed in the US as being " naturally softer" cause you can't market "full of delicious milkfat" to Americans.
posted by The Whelk at 8:13 AM on July 3


for all we know it's margarine

I, for one, cannot believe it's not butter!
posted by chavenet at 8:15 AM on July 3


I was expecting something like this at about the 2:59:30 mark.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:15 AM on July 3


Its actually a viral ad for Mike Gravel's 2016 campaign.
posted by goethean at 8:48 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


HURF DURF BUTTER MELTER.
posted by The Bellman at 9:03 AM on July 3 [2 favorites]


"ClickHole" sounds extremely lurid.
posted by ChuckRamone at 9:07 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


Yes, as two posts above point out, this is not "room temperature" unless you live in Phoenix or Houston and don't have air conditioning.
posted by kozad at 9:31 AM on July 3


Of course butter is healthy, duh.
posted by waving at 9:42 AM on July 3


lalochezia: NO ONE HAS WATCHED THE WHOLE VIDEO HOW CAN YOU COMMENT INTELLIGENTLY ALSO THIS IS MARGARINE-IST

Are you feeling margarine-alyzed?
posted by hanov3r at 9:44 AM on July 3 [4 favorites]


Where's the gallon of milk and the loaf of bread?
posted by dirigibleman at 10:09 AM on July 3 [2 favorites]


I found it kind of interesting to watch, especially near the end. It melts at just the speed where you can see it happening but it feels like it's in your head.
posted by xammerboy at 10:24 AM on July 3


I was in college before I learned that some people intentionally leave butter out on the counter. My family did not, we stored it in the fridge—probably because +100F temps were common all summer in my hometown—so when Joe, my new roommate, kept leaving the butter out, it was a source of minor conflict between us because I would grumble and shove the butter dish in the fridge and he would grumble and take it back out. Apparently Joe grew up in a household where the butter was not refrigerated and once we learned this about each other, we hugged it out and started to maintain separate supplies of butter.

Then we got kittens. Or rather, kittens got us when a pregnant stray waddled into the hall closet to deliver her litter. The kittens quickly matured into little fuzzy demons that could climb any surface and soon they owned the kitchen counter, where they found Joe's butter.

I'm not exactly sure why Joe didn't throw away the butter once the kittens found it. But day after day the kittens would hop on the counter to lick up their fill and soon the butter stick took on these fantastic shapes that looked remarkably like the result of water or wind erosion of sedimentary rock. I learned that it takes seven kittens 3 weeks to completely consume a half-cup of butter.

Those kittens sure had glossy coats when we adopted them out.
posted by jamaro at 10:46 AM on July 3 [7 favorites]


i leave my butter out all the time and in fact it gets blasted by the heat coming off the refrigerator. That said, my butter never melts like this one did.
posted by rebent at 11:35 AM on July 3


Am I the only person who had never heard of a butter bell until recently? My partner talks about them like they're the most common thing in the world.
posted by Think_Long at 11:53 AM on July 3 [1 favorite]


Those kittens sure had glossy coats when we adopted them out.

And I bet they were delicious!
posted by Kabanos at 12:39 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]


This slow TV trend is out of control.
posted by mhum at 12:53 PM on July 3


He fixes the cable?
posted by sbutler at 1:14 PM on July 3


We leave butter out and we have cats but we put the butter in one of those butter dish things. This is not hard to do, I've found.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:16 PM on July 3


In other words: hard, icy butter rock and melted gelatinous cat food goo are not the only two options here, people. Get your shit together.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:18 PM on July 3


FYI: Keep butter in the fridge. When needed microwave it for exactly 12 seconds. Return to cold when done.
posted by Splunge at 1:49 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]


I demand an explanation. Why must I put butter in the fridge. Diagrams are encouraged. I grew up in a butter-in-the-fridge house. When I realized that butter does not need to be stored in the fridge, I became a butter-in-a-dish-on-the-counter man and not for one second have I looked back. I will fight to remain such a man.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 1:58 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]


Here's where I wanted to link to the "I can't believe both the stuff I can't believe is not butter and I can't believe it's not butter are not, in fact, butter" scene from Vicar of Dibley, but youtube took it down!!!!
posted by MoxieProxy at 2:06 PM on July 3


It's not really necessary to refrigerate butter, unless you don't go through it very fast. Butter fat turns rancid, which can adversely affect its taste, even in small degrees. The process is significantly slowed by refrigerating.

So if you use it sparingly, as I do, it's better to refrigerate and microwave to soften as needed, so it lasts longer. But if you go through a stick of it pretty quickly, room temp is fine.

But for heaven's sake, it should be in a butter dish or something, and not just left sitting out on the open wrapper for hours, where bugs and dust and kittens and god-knows-what can get into it.

In conclusion: mmmmm, butter.
posted by darkstar at 2:07 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]


Our shepherd mix found an untended stick once as a puppy and ate it all. In about five minutes. Now she goes cruising for it while I'm cooking. I'm careful to grab it from the fridge, use it and put it away. If I put it down and turn my back, she'll sneak it every time.
posted by korej at 2:15 PM on July 3


Also: Cockatoo footprints. For some reasons it squicks out guests when your butter has dinosaur tracks in it. Go figure.
posted by Splunge at 3:13 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]


> It's not really necessary to refrigerate butter, unless you don't go through it very fast. Butter fat turns rancid, which can adversely affect its taste, even in small degrees. The process is significantly slowed by refrigerating.

It's not necessary to refrigerate salted butter (with caveats). Unsalted butter should always be in the fridge when it's not being used. Salt was originally added to butter to improve its shelf life, and flavoring was a secondary concern.

Most of the discussions online about keeping butter don't differentiate between salted and unsalted. Variations in butter manufacture (some have lower butterfat content than others, or more dairy solids) also affect shelf life.

Also room temperature is a dangerously handwavy parameter. If your kitchen is kept in the upper 60s, salted butter can be safely kept on the counter for a couple weeks. At 80 degrees, it might go bad within an afternoon.

tl;dr: Don't mess with the butter.
posted by ardgedee at 3:54 PM on July 3 [1 favorite]


What, about the concept of "time-lapse" do you not understand?
posted by cleroy at 4:56 PM on July 3


I can believe it's butter.
posted by scalefree at 5:30 PM on July 3


If you play the video backwards it turns into a blurry ring of angry tigers.
posted by slightlybewildered at 10:13 PM on July 3


I like the part where it melted.
posted by Increase at 8:04 AM on July 4


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