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August 17, 2014 12:18 PM   Subscribe

(NSFW) Gay Men Read 50 Shades of Grey. Related: Straight Men React To Grindr - Gay Dating App
posted by the_bone (36 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
I interned in the HIV ward of a state-funded rehab this past spring. Though I don't identify as straight, I hadn't really come into contact (or, more likely, talked) with folks that use Grindr until then. Usually there'd be about 15 clients on my floor and usually at least half of them had engaged in party-n-play scenarios on a regular basis via Grindr or other similar apps. To them, and now to me, Grindr was synonymous with risky behavior involving meth or molly. There was even a weekly group devoted to help curb the anonymous PnP hookup craving. It was an addiction all to its own. These guys no longer had to go to the local branch of the Midtowne Spa when the decadent convenience of the spa could come to them.

I really have no problems with hook-up apps. It's just an interesting cultural phenomena that I got to see the dark side of.
posted by item at 12:44 PM on August 17 [1 favorite]


The blue-eyed young man in the straight dudes looking at grindr is adorable.

The dude named Pano in the 50 shades video needs to lay off the espresso.
posted by winna at 12:44 PM on August 17 [2 favorites]


I had to laugh when the guy said "I've read fanfiction better than this", because - 50 Shades of Grey actually WAS Fanfiction at first. It's an adaptation of a Twilight fanfic series.

The publishing company has taken great pains to cover that fact, but some of us remember.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:55 PM on August 17 [30 favorites]


I cannot recommend strongly enough The Pervocracy's kinky person's reading (nsfw words, no pictures) of Fifty Shades, which presents a nice balance of "good god, this is literally the worst writing I've ever been subjected to" and "hey, can we talk about how this is rape/abuse and not a hot kinky consensual relationship?" It doesn't do anyone any favors to have a whole cadre of housewives thinking this is the meaning of kink.

And yeah. Pano. Please, chill out. People watch his YouTube channel? On purpose?
posted by obfuscation at 1:09 PM on August 17 [8 favorites]


Zero interest in reading 50 Shades, but I'd absolutely listen to the audio book if these guys got to make it.

In related news, Fifty Shades as Read by Gilbert Gottfried.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 1:15 PM on August 17 [11 favorites]


"Batman, but with bondage instead of superheroes," is an excellent description (even though there is already a lot of bondage in Batman).


Also, "sexual escapades" is the perfect term.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:17 PM on August 17


Forgive me for just stream-of-consciousness rambling here, but, I think it's an interesting topic I haven't discussed a lot [editor's note, this turned out as more of a rant than a ramble]:

Tinder and Grindr move towards a really "utilitarian" view of sex & dating that seems to make people embarrassed or icked out or sometimes judgmental, which—yeah, it's kinda slutty, but why is that even a thing, valid concerns about STDs aside?

Like, is it that sexual liberation is a debunked idea since the '60s revolution failed? Fuck that shit.

Is it that people tend to get really clingy and sad if they have sex with someone and then it turns out they don't really mesh that well together or have no interest in being partners? Fuck, grow up!

Why not even have a ratings system, like CouchSurfing?

Is there a community of FuckSurfers that I don't know about? Because I'm here on a three-month time window, I don't have time to chat for three dates about The National and Obama and family histories and life plans, and I like fucking way more than I like other Meetup.com shit like volleyball or museums.

People who write "i hate tinder" in their Tinder profiles: sure, you may feel desperate, so do I, but you being on Tinder is not the problem. Tinder is not a perversion; it's the way horniness works: you pick an attractive face from the multitude, and then try to impress them enough that they will go to bed with you. It's a game, and "gamifying" it is only a matter of codifying it and presenting it as an app.

Internet dating even in its more romantic forms has lots of shame attached to it. What's the deal? This is the perfect use of the internet. It's the only thing people really want, anyway, until they partner up, then they can go on whatever site couples go on to meet other couples for dinner parties.
posted by mbrock at 1:18 PM on August 17 [9 favorites]


I'm straight. I'm a cis guy. This is stupid.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 1:58 PM on August 17


The publishing company has taken great pains to cover that fact

If they have they haven't tried very hard. The only reason I know FSoG was based on fanfiction is because of Gawker or Frisky or reddit or somesuch. It's not exactly esoteric knowledge.

(Plus, anyone with more than a middle school education who reads the book can clearly see that not only was it not professionally edited, it seems to have been written by someone with little more than a middle schooler's grasp of the English language.)
posted by fuse theorem at 2:00 PM on August 17 [7 favorites]


Actually, to take the Batman metaphor even further, I think 50 Shades in many ways parallels the original Tim Burton Batman film, specifically.


-Initially very popular, although on later reflection, no-one seems to know why

-The source material was better

-Places its characters in a cartoon-like fantasy world, while expecting them to have "real" motivations and emotional responses

-Contains wild and off-putting juxtapositions of imagery and tone

-Never fully commits to a darkness that it claims to portray

-Terrible dialogue

-Michael Keaton is appropriate casting for both

-Either could have a soundtrack written by Prince in one of his less-inspired periods



As a bonus, try reading all of Christian Grey's dialogue in the voice of Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne. Isn't that better?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:02 PM on August 17 [24 favorites]


And possibly someone who's never had sex judging by those quotes.
posted by fshgrl at 2:03 PM on August 17 [2 favorites]


We need to expose more straight guys to Grindr so they can modify their workout routines to be borderline masochistic like the rest of us.
posted by The Whelk at 2:14 PM on August 17 [11 favorites]


FSoG is best 'read' on a Kindle, with the text to speech on, and having the male robotic voice recite it to you.

Few things are more hysterical. Especially when it comes to the sex scenes.
posted by spinifex23 at 2:17 PM on August 17 [12 favorites]


There was actually a reddit post I think of all things explaining how the author (back when it was a Twilight AU fic) successfully used short but frequent updates to stay on the top of the "recently updated" lists and so there was always new material and that the Twilight fic forums had drifted into being general romance/erotica fic (they apparently collectively dropped the vampire thing fast) and it was, fast-food like just always there and became popular and cause now that it was popular everyone had to have an opinion and spawn conversations about it and it was - as serialized erotic fiction goes - very well marketed to the readers.
posted by The Whelk at 2:24 PM on August 17


I'm kind of surprised nobody's done a 50 Shades of Lavender or something. There's been a bunch of of other spoofs including a damn cookbook.
posted by jonmc at 2:40 PM on August 17


... including a damn cookbook

"50 Shades of Roux"?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:51 PM on August 17 [6 favorites]


BEAT the eggs, WHIP the cream, etc
posted by The Whelk at 2:53 PM on August 17 [6 favorites]


If they have they haven't tried very hard. The only reason I know FSoG was based on fanfiction is because of Gawker or Frisky or reddit or somesuch.

Some of the sites which discussed the fanfic origins have since been taken down, is the thing, and are now only visible if you use the Wayback machine. Not things like Reddit (who I imagine would respond to any takedown requests with a "fuck you"), but other sites have.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:05 PM on August 17


I didn't bother with the actual FSoG books; all I needed was Jenny Trout's recap.

Jonmc, I've seen a chicken parody cookbook, are there others?
posted by brujita at 3:09 PM on August 17 [2 favorites]


Some of the sites which discussed the fanfic origins have since been taken down, is the thing, and are now only visible if you use the Wayback machine. Not things like Reddit (who I imagine would respond to any takedown requests with a "fuck you"), but other sites have.

It took me 10 seconds to Google it and another 10 to scroll down and click on the Wiki page for FSoG where it states, "Fifty Shades of Grey has attracted criticism due to its origin as a fan fiction based on the Twilight novels." Then I jumped over to Goodreads where the first page of comments indicate right off the bat that it was re-purposed fanfiction.

The publisher may have been able to scrub the Internet of the original stuff James wrote (or any references to specific language from it) but there's no way they could erase knowledge of it entirely. But I suppose they have to be wary of openly connecting it to Twilight because of copyright issues.
posted by fuse theorem at 3:45 PM on August 17 [1 favorite]


... including a damn cookbook

A gray-themed cookbook would be the least appetizing ever. Chapter one: Overcooking Your Steak. Chapter two: Very, Very Old Vegetables.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:19 PM on August 17 [4 favorites]


Bland Tasteless Crackers for Hot Ham Water.
posted by The Whelk at 4:32 PM on August 17 [8 favorites]


The Whelk: There was actually a reddit post I think of all things explaining how...
Are you referring to this comment? It's so oddly fascinating.

Someone should really flesh this out and write a complete FSoG origin story. Then have it adapted into a Hollywood movie
posted by whitecedar at 4:43 PM on August 17 [9 favorites]


Yes! That one.

Of course, then we'd have to write fanfic for the movie.
posted by The Whelk at 4:47 PM on August 17


My son introduced me to Grindr. I was hoping we had similar tastes in men but every time I pointed out a cute guy he shot me a little dead girl look. Oh, well.
posted by maggieb at 6:32 PM on August 17 [3 favorites]


Mentioned in an earlier link - somewhere in this clip, Stephen Fry introduces Jeremy Clarkson to Grindr on Top Gear.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:52 PM on August 17


Straight people don't know about Grindr in 2014? Do these dudes not know any gay people?
posted by protocoach at 7:25 PM on August 17


Working title: Like Hot Ham Water For Bland Tasteless Crackers
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:29 PM on August 17 [2 favorites]


"I hate heterosexuals" makes me wonder if that's code for "I hate women", especially after the comment about "vaginas scare me".
posted by divabat at 7:30 PM on August 17 [1 favorite]


Nah, that's the one, brujita.
posted by jonmc at 8:16 PM on August 17


Protocoach, I know metric fucktons of gay people (I work in a bookstore in the East Village) and if it weren't for mefi I wouldn't know about grindr for the same reason I don't know many desiel mechanic sites, because they're of no use to me.
posted by jonmc at 8:20 PM on August 17 [2 favorites]


reading more into the replies from the "explaining the Twilight fanfic scene" link is fascinating - it's like it had spun off into its own insular world of romance novel creating with available stock characters ( so much easier cause the source material was so under characterized!) with lots of heavy marketing for social capital that then turned into like, a porn publishing racket.

Like I want to read a big fat book about the scene now.
posted by The Whelk at 9:40 PM on August 17 [1 favorite]


That amazing article about how the Twilight fanfic community had long ago turned against Twilight and were writing whatever-the-hell they wanted to, using Bella and Edward only as prefab character types -- does it remind anyone else of the famous Metafilter comment about Douglas Adams' Starship Titanic web forum?
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 12:13 AM on August 18 [2 favorites]


In related news, Fifty Shades as Read by Gilbert Gottfried.

Speaking of Douglas Adams, this reveals Fifty Shades to be the prose equivalent of Vogon poetry. I feel a cosmic dread that a million years from now the only trace left of the human race will be that recording.
posted by XMLicious at 12:54 AM on August 18 [2 favorites]


BEAT the eggs, WHIP the cream, etc

TRUSS the chicken!
posted by Pudhoho at 10:23 PM on August 18


thewinekone reads fifty shades of grey without laughing :P

also btw...
Starting With Sex:
[H]ow would you describe the French attitude toward sex?

I can only compare it to the countries I've lived in — Germany, and now Denmark, and I've made some trips to the U.S. I'd say the main difference is that in France we're so straightforward. We don't have these dating rituals; we just start with sex! And then, if the sex was good enough or we feel connected somehow, then we would try to build a relationship.
posted by kliuless at 11:42 AM on August 19


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