Meet the "suitsy"

September 25, 2014 12:17 PM

S.F. inventor hopes to dress for success with 1-piece suit

Local developer Jesse Herzog has solved a problem most of us didn’t know we had. It’s kind of a trend with him. Simply put, Herzog has created an alternative to the tired old hoodie-and-jeans look that permeates the lofts and startups of San Francisco techie culture. It is — wait for it — the "suitsy." The suitsy is a pair of dress pants, a nice white shirt and jacket ... all sewn together. You step into it like a pair of mechanic’s coveralls, zip up the hidden zipper, and voila — you’re dressed for success.

You know how people say it’s a fine line between genius and crazy?

posted by Lexica (205 comments total)

Wouldn't finding one of these that actually fit well- everywhere from shoulder width to leg length- be super super difficult?

Also, what a pain in the ass to iron.
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:19 PM on September 25, 2014 [10 favorites]

Those are also problems with normal suits.
posted by LogicalDash at 12:21 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

The suitsy is a pair of dress pants, a nice white shirt and jacket ... all sewn together.

Congratulations. You have invented the onesie. Does it come with diapers, or do you have to pay extra?
posted by The Bellman at 12:22 PM on September 25, 2014 [24 favorites]

Stop. Just, stop.
posted by humboldt32 at 12:22 PM on September 25, 2014 [14 favorites]

So ... does it have a flap for going to the bathroom, or something? Or are you expected to take it off in a public bathroom to use the toilet?
posted by tocts at 12:22 PM on September 25, 2014 [9 favorites]

but WHY
posted by poffin boffin at 12:23 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

I, too, have invented an improvement on the suit. It's called the Philly Phanatic mascot costume.
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:23 PM on September 25, 2014 [63 favorites]

no amount of RingTFA is answering my question
posted by poffin boffin at 12:23 PM on September 25, 2014 [14 favorites]

When watching old Sci-Fi television shows and movies, where the future population is walking around day-to-day in some sort of onesie or jump suit, I've often wondered in that universe how we get from our present to that future. What were the transitional periods like? What did the midpoints on this continuum look like? What intermediary steps were taken?

This is one of those steps.
posted by sourwookie at 12:25 PM on September 25, 2014 [97 favorites]

Men get something like this and yet IT'S STILL DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE FOR WOMEN TO FIND PANTS WITH POCKETS. Take your "problem most of you didn't know you had" and shove it up your bippy, 1984 STYLE OVERALL-SUIT GUY.

Actually this is almost cool, for those of us who dream about a day when we don't have to make any clothing decisions. Just step into your (on preview) business onesie and go!
posted by barchan at 12:25 PM on September 25, 2014 [22 favorites]

Dude has a really nice livingroom with a Corgi.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:25 PM on September 25, 2014

A friend of mine had one of these a few years ago, it was made for a quick-change part in a play. You couldn't tell it was a onesie unless you were really interested in his otherwise completely generic suit. It was pretty decent, but had clearly been made with a lot of care by a talented seamstress. I don't think mass produced ones would be as normal looking or effective.
posted by troika at 12:26 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

The suitsy is a pair of dress pants, a nice white shirt and jacket

It was only a matter of time before Silicon Valley reinvented the jumpsuit.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:26 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

#thingswhitepeoplelike
posted by Talez at 12:27 PM on September 25, 2014

it was made for a quick-change part in a play

wait ok i retract my disdain, these will be pretty good for a life of crime
posted by poffin boffin at 12:27 PM on September 25, 2014 [26 favorites]

I liked that "suitsy" better when it was an Abbott & Costello gag.
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:27 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

This is like the Parisian night suit, but without the class
posted by pxe2000 at 12:28 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

#bathroomproblems
posted by sparklemotion at 12:28 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

I bought a basic grey v-neck sweater recently and it was a no-brainer way to dress (if a bit minimalist). I can see why Steve Jobs did the whole "from now on only black turtlenecks" thing - there's something freeing in a "uniform".

I kind of like it: zip-zip! I'm done. Plus it's neat that he did that Kickstarter thing. You go, suitsy inventor!
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:28 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

I'm hoping robes come back in style as formal/business attire. It seems like that would have all of the advantages of this and none of the downsides.
posted by vogon_poet at 12:29 PM on September 25, 2014 [15 favorites]

So many inventors fail to take into account maintenance costs. How will this be cleaned?

The current standard lets you clean the shirts more frequently and deeply, since they are next to the skin, and the jacket less frequently - it might need a steaming to get the wrinkles out, but less frequent deep cleaning.

The overall costs to cleaning something like this where everything is sewn together will be huge. Not just in dollars, either - the amount of water, energy, and chemicals is much larger also.
posted by amtho at 12:29 PM on September 25, 2014 [8 favorites]

#ThingOneWhitePersonLikes
posted by michaelh at 12:30 PM on September 25, 2014 [17 favorites]

But... one of the benefits of a jacket is that you can take it off without completely undressing, isn't it?
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:31 PM on September 25, 2014 [11 favorites]

I'd like to point out BetaBrands is a rad company which encourages off-the-wall ideas. This one is just more off-the-wall than the rest.
posted by pibeandres at 12:31 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Upon pondering this realized: this is a dress. It's got the top and bottom sewn together, even though they look like separates, just like a lot of dresses, and you just zip yourself into it, like a lot of dresses. And like dresses it won't fit most people and will make you depressed because there's no way to find something that looks nice AND fits your top AND fits your bottom.

This guy invented and started a kickstarter for a bifurcated dress.
posted by barchan at 12:31 PM on September 25, 2014 [63 favorites]

“I would say most good ideas probably originate with a drink or two,” Herzog said.

Bad ones too. So, so many bad ones.
posted by sobarel at 12:33 PM on September 25, 2014 [10 favorites]

As a child whose mother dressed her in party suits all I have to say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOOD LUCK TAKING A SHIT.
posted by phunniemee at 12:34 PM on September 25, 2014 [34 favorites]

It was only a matter of time before Silicon Valley reinvented the jumpsuit.
posted by octobersurprise

SPEEDSUIT, GODDAMMIT
posted by COBRA! at 12:35 PM on September 25, 2014 [43 favorites]

No. Jesus. No.

Suits - of any type - are not a solution to any problem within Jeans&Hoodies problem domain.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:35 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

How will this be cleaned?

Described by the inventor as "a great option for a lazy person," I think that question answers itself.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:36 PM on September 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

This guy invented and started a kickstarter for a bifurcated dress.

Yes but it's a MAN dress so therefore it is important and special not like silly lady dresses.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:36 PM on September 25, 2014 [16 favorites]

Presenting: My chain of thoughts upon seeing this.

1. Hey, no fair - you didn't design a similar idea for women.
2. Actually, come to think of it, that's probably a reflection on how few women he thinks there are in the tech field.
3. And he may be correct in his assessment of how few women there are, which is god-damn depressing.
4. ....Wait, what am I thinking. This thing looks damn stupid and I wouldn't want to wear it anyway.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:37 PM on September 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

I'd far sooner wear a lady dress than this silly man-dress. At least I can whip it out easily enough in my lady dress!
posted by Mister_A at 12:38 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

I've been buying Betabrand clothing and gear for a few years now. They have a lot of good stuff, and a good amount of goofy stuff. This is one of their goofy things. Like their whole "disco" line. But, I've recommended their Cornocupia Bag on the green here, and they've just improved it. I get compliments on it every time I'm shopping.
posted by VikingSword at 12:40 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

real innovation would be a machine that sprays your naked body with some kind of colored foam which then dries in the shape of a suit and which would wash off in the shower at the end of the day but not be affected by the elements or spilled coffee
posted by poffin boffin at 12:41 PM on September 25, 2014 [19 favorites]

no one steal my idea
posted by poffin boffin at 12:41 PM on September 25, 2014 [13 favorites]

Dean's first speed-suit.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:42 PM on September 25, 2014 [10 favorites]

I am pretty much OK with anything that involves spraying my naked body.
posted by Mister_A at 12:42 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yes, there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

This fashion monstrosity, however, needs not fear ever coming close to it.
posted by NoxAeternum at 12:43 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

This guy invented and started a kickstarter for a bifurcated dress.

Yes but it's a MAN dress so therefore it is important and special not like silly lady dresses.

Exactly! Seriously, why can't men wear dresses? (I mean, we can, but it's not encouraged in Western society, and I'm already the weird long-haired feminine guy with the bracelets in my office full of dudes, so I am not going to start the trend, alas.) If we could get the "men's dresses/skirts" fashion thing going, I'd be very happy because dresses look so damned comfy, and a suit with a zipper up the front just makes me think of James Bond in reverse.
posted by xingcat at 12:43 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

This thread has taken a strange, erotic turn.
posted by sobarel at 12:43 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

I do not dress well enough in my day to day life to be as outraged as I am by this.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:44 PM on September 25, 2014 [10 favorites]

Local developer Jesse Herzog

This was a lot more entertaining when I misread it as Werner Herzog.
posted by zeptoweasel at 12:45 PM on September 25, 2014 [22 favorites]

I'd be very happy because dresses look so damned comfy

No, you want to know what's comfy? What's comfy is a pair of leggings and a sweater dress. I am basically wearing pajamas today but it looks like clothes. It's the biggest lie women's fashion ever told. Autumn weather, I love you.
posted by phunniemee at 12:46 PM on September 25, 2014 [27 favorites]

Whenever I find myself doing some chore or task which is like extinction level dreary I like to imagine I'm being narrated by Werner Herzog and it immediately becomes the best thing ever.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:47 PM on September 25, 2014 [12 favorites]

I want Werner Herzog to spray a man-dress on me. That's all I've ever wanted.
posted by Mister_A at 12:48 PM on September 25, 2014 [16 favorites]

agent phunnimee you are on notice for breach of contract here at matriarchy inc
posted by poffin boffin at 12:48 PM on September 25, 2014 [12 favorites]

What if you were wearing this getup and ....um....got lucky? I imagine it'd surprise the hell out of your date.
posted by jonmc at 12:49 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

OK I also want to kill and eat Bobby Flay but that is off-topic.
posted by Mister_A at 12:49 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

The Venn diagram for people too lazy to put on a suit and people who actually need to wear a suit on a regular basis does not overlap.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:50 PM on September 25, 2014 [8 favorites]

Until you can pee while wearing it and your pee is recycled like a stillsuit, this doesn't count as an advance.
posted by XMLicious at 12:50 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

I'm sorry San Fransisco but you've no longer made a good case for your continued existence. The missiles are in the air. May god have mercy on your souls.
posted by The Whelk at 12:51 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

Still better than the current tech uniform: dress shirt, jeans and a blazer.
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:52 PM on September 25, 2014

COBRA!: "SPEEDSUIT, GODDAMMIT"

"I don't want to hear you say 'jumpsuit', Dean. Not ever. Speedsuit."
posted by mhum at 12:52 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

This thread has taken a strange, erotic turn.

Well, I mean, it is an awfully long way from Milan to Minsk...
posted by aramaic at 12:54 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

What intermediary steps were taken?

OUTER SPACE SPANX. Finding out the entire crew of Star Trek TNG was wearing ten pounds of foundation garments has colored my view of the entire series.
posted by The Whelk at 12:54 PM on September 25, 2014 [15 favorites]

The misses are in the air

Given some of the discussion in this thread, this was a delightful error.
posted by aramaic at 12:55 PM on September 25, 2014

Would much rather wear jeans and hoodies, thanks.
posted by Foosnark at 12:55 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

So this thing solves very few of the problems of suits, per se, and instead sets out to solve the problem of putting on a suit, a process that nobody over the age of 7 and familiar with the operation of pants has ever identified as a problem.
posted by penduluum at 12:56 PM on September 25, 2014 [11 favorites]

#bathroomproblems

#2problems.
posted by The Bellman at 12:57 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Ok but on the other hand when those elastic thingies which attach to the bottom of your shirt and the tops of your socks were mentioned here last year it was an astounding revelation to a lot of people.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:58 PM on September 25, 2014

I've invented a solution for the suit. It's called a hoodie and jeans.
posted by lumpenprole at 12:58 PM on September 25, 2014 [9 favorites]

We have a guy here at WorkCo™ BusinessPlace® who wears a kilt on occasion. Oh, he's one of the founders, that's an important data point.
posted by Mister_A at 12:59 PM on September 25, 2014

I just watched that episode of Venture Brothers last night, seriously.

Seconding the robe. I would rarely wear anything other than an enormous hooded robe if I could.
posted by mrgoat at 12:59 PM on September 25, 2014 [8 favorites]

This is a few steps down the road from the matching shirt and tie package you buy at Macy's which is very popular in my office and should be banned from the earth.
posted by backseatpilot at 1:00 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

This was a lot more entertaining when I misread it as Werner Herzog.

Werner Herzog Eats His Suitsy.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:00 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Dude has a really nice livingroom with a Corgi.
If you look closely, it's actually a dachshund in a zip-up suit.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:02 PM on September 25, 2014 [32 favorites]

My wardrobe occupies the center of a Venn Diagram labeled "Chuck from Pushing Daisies," "Miss Frizzle," and "a lady hobbit," so... no. Unless they make a version that incorporates a cardigan and a dirndl skirt, I guess.
posted by nonasuch at 1:03 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

If my jumpsuit ain't silver I ain't waiting it.
posted by bottlebrushtree at 1:04 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Also, I agree with the point that this solves the problem of putting on a suit (and not necessarily the wearing of the suit itself) - yet it fails to address the fact that the tie is the hardest part of putting on a suit and this... thing does not include one.

I've worn jumpsuits for work occasionally (I have always known them as monkey suits), and I actually find them harder to put on than a separate pair of pants and a shirt. I'm really not seeing the utility of this. Adding a jacket to your normal process of shirt and jacket adds literally like five seconds. Is it because you can zip up the shirt instead of buttoning?
posted by backseatpilot at 1:04 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Thank you, bottlebrushtree, for saying what we're all thinking.
posted by Mister_A at 1:05 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

honestly I would enjoy a further blending of bis cas and cas. Right now the trend seems to be dual: on the one hand, incorporating more day-glo, exercise colors (I just saw a coworker walk past in a gym-pink blazer). On the other hand, i sense a push towards more prep.

This suit basically looks to me like a full-body hoodie. I expect it would look about as well-fitting as one.
posted by rebent at 1:05 PM on September 25, 2014

Def agree with things going more prep - seeing a lot more loafers around, incl. on my feet!
posted by Mister_A at 1:07 PM on September 25, 2014

I would rarely wear anything other than an enormous hooded robe if I could.

One of my favorite parts of one of the Feynman books was when he talked about wearing his academic robes - how at first he hated it because it was pretentious, but then realized how awesome it was, like how if he needed to go to a formal tea he could just throw his robe on over his sweaty tennis clothes and go.

those elastic thingies which attach to the bottom of your shirt and the tops of your socks . . . it was an astounding revelation to a lot of people

OH my goodness I bought some of those sock-shirt garters because of that. I use them ALL THE TIME to keep my shirt tucked in and keep my wool socks up when I go hiking in really sandy/insecty/dirty areas and they're awesome and I love them.
posted by barchan at 1:07 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

I would rarely wear anything other than an enormous hooded robe if I could.

Yes because then you can do the thing where you put the ends of the sleeves together mysteriously and bow your head so the hood shadows your face and say stuff in a deep voice like
YOU AHH THEAHFOAH BANEESHED FROM THIS KEENGDUM


I do this all the time
posted by freecellwizard at 1:07 PM on September 25, 2014 [17 favorites]

We have a guy here at WorkCo™ BusinessPlace® who wears a kilt on occasion. Oh, he's one of the founders, that's an important data point.

Ouch, I just rolled my eyes too hard.
posted by aught at 1:08 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

If you allow robes then I can fulfill my dream of being a ranger.
posted by The Whelk at 1:09 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Please stop solving "problems" that no one has. Unless, of course, you define losing the suit coat because you took it off, placed it on a chair, and then left the room without it as a problem.
posted by tommasz at 1:11 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

wait ok i retract my disdain, these will be pretty good for a life of crime

I think it's been demonstrated over the years that plain ol' regular suits work pretty well for a life a crime.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 1:12 PM on September 25, 2014 [11 favorites]

So...is there no MeFite who would choose to wear this? Not a one?
posted by GrammarMoses at 1:12 PM on September 25, 2014

No footie shoes attached?
posted by gnidan at 1:12 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

You lot would all be draping yourselves in velvet if it was socially acceptable.
posted by sobarel at 1:12 PM on September 25, 2014 [17 favorites]

Maybe he could use a system that automatically matches shirts and pants and jackets for him, so he doesn't have to think about it. Like Garanimals.
posted by amtho at 1:12 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

You lot would all be draping yourselves in velvet if it was socially acceptable.

ONLY THE FINEST SILK AND VELVET VESTMENTS, LACE AND GOLD ROBES FOR THE DAUPHIN

Maybe he could use a system that automatically matches shirts and pants and jackets for him, so he doesn't have to think about it. Like Garanimals.

we have this it's called a basic understanding of color theory and buying shirts and suits and separates that mostly mix together.

Like there is a reason Mens Bidness Wear is basically shades of blue, green, gray, and black.
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

As a deuteranope, I would welcome some adult garanimals into my life.
posted by cmfletcher at 1:15 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I think it's been demonstrated over the years that plain ol' regular suits work pretty well for a life a crime.

Not as good as a zip off one piece suit analog which a genderqueer criminal could remove postcrime to become an innocent bystander lady in a dress.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:15 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

If we could get the "men's dresses/skirts" fashion thing going, I'd be very happy because dresses look so damned comfy, and a suit with a zipper up the front just makes me think of James Bond in reverse.

Seriously, I very rarely need to ride a horse, and feel like parts of my anatomy could be getting so much better ventilation.
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:15 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah but what if you accidentally match a Werner Herzog top with Jodorowsky pants?
posted by Mister_A at 1:16 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I'm so thankful I work somewhere that only requires khakis + polos. I like dressing up once in a while for special occasions or whatever, but I can't imagine having to wear a suit + tie every. single. day.
posted by kmz at 1:17 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Wait, if it's all one piece how do you take the jacket off? This happens all the time when you wear suits. And the cleaning thing is a huge issue. You can wear a suit 100 times without dry cleaning it if you don't spill anything but you have to rotate through 100 shirts in that time (or have 1 shirt dry cleaned 100 times).

Combined suit jacket + shirt

is kinda like

Combined underwear and pants

Ick! I mean I never wash my jeans but I do change undies every day ...
posted by freecellwizard at 1:17 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Also, a robe because "dress for the job you want..."
posted by mrgoat at 1:17 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

Maybe he could use a system that automatically matches shirts and pants and jackets for him, so he doesn't have to think about it. Like Garanimals.

Okay, hate the suitsy, but speaking as a middle-aged professional with slight b/g color-blindness and generally faltering older vision -- who on gray early mornings is befuddled by various shades of tan-to-olive/gray khakis and variously matching and not matching biz caj shirts -- this I could go for.
posted by aught at 1:19 PM on September 25, 2014

Maybe he could use a system that automatically matches shirts and pants and jackets for him, so he doesn't have to think about it.

Like Cher's outfit selecting software in Clueless, a thing we have been patiently awaiting for 20 fucking years
posted by poffin boffin at 1:21 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

Also, a robe because "dress for the job you want..."

Maester?
posted by The Whelk at 1:22 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

Ok, robe and astronaut helmet.
posted by mrgoat at 1:23 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Putting on clothes isn't difficult or time consuming. This isn't located anywhere on the continuum between crazy and genius, it's firmly in the territory of "pointless" and "stupid".
posted by nanojath at 1:23 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

"Defense lawyers should keep a couple of these around for defendants to wear at trials," says the former cops-and-courts reporter who constitutes the other half of my department.
posted by virago at 1:24 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

These guys are coming up with full body knitted jumpsuits cause they can't stand the thought of BUTTONING SOMETHING meanwhile I wedged myself into a 70-year old jacket (with CLASPS) for basically my own amusement
posted by The Whelk at 1:24 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

When I wore overalls in the 70s I thought I was putting off a granola vibe. Now I see I was sending a message from the future.

btw ladies, overalls have dozens of pockets. Even a loop for your hammer. Just sayin'.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:27 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

The Romans wore the toga - which was heavy, uncomfortable, required a slave to put on, and left you unable to use one arm - for over a thousand years. I think it would show a disappointing lack of grit on the part of our civilization if we didn't slog onwards with the suit and tie for another century or two at least.
posted by sobarel at 1:27 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

Ok, robe and astronaut helmet.

It's the new robot monster look for Fall.
posted by The Tensor at 1:28 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry San Fransisco but you've no longer made a good case for your continued existence. The missiles are in the air. May god have mercy on your souls.

But how will you come visit if there's no there here?

We can totally go by the BetaBrands store if you want. I've never felt cool enough to go in, but I hear it's nifty.
posted by rtha at 1:29 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

We move all the Silicon Valley start up people to a city under the sea.
posted by The Whelk at 1:30 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

> You lot would all be draping yourselves in velvet if it was socially acceptable.

ONLY THE FINEST SILK AND VELVET VESTMENTS, LACE AND GOLD ROBES FOR THE DAUPHIN

I'm more a cotton gauze type of person.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:32 PM on September 25, 2014

I'd be very happy because dresses look so damned comfy

No, you want to know what's comfy? What's comfy is a pair of leggings and a sweater dress. I am basically wearing pajamas today but it looks like clothes. It's the biggest lie women's fashion ever told. Autumn weather, I love you.

Now I'm extra-sad. And for some reason I want a pumpkin spice latte.
posted by xingcat at 1:34 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOOD LUCK TAKING A SHIT.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:42 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

Hmm. I wonder if they come in gold and burgundy velour.
posted by bonehead at 1:42 PM on September 25, 2014

You know how people say it’s a fine line between genius and crazy?

I think what you mean is "it's a fine line between stupid and clever."
posted by spilon at 1:45 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

We can totally go by the BetaBrands store if you want. I've never felt cool enough to go in, but I hear it's nifty.

Meetup where we all just peer in the window awkwardly?
posted by purpleclover at 1:47 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Now I'm extra-sad. And for some reason I want a pumpkin spice latte.

Even better because today's pajama sweater is orange and I'm wearing orange shoes and pumpkin pie flavored stinky stuff.
posted by phunniemee at 1:47 PM on September 25, 2014

The Whelk: "If you allow robes then I can fulfill my dream of being a ranger."

Mmmm, for ranger, I think you want more of a hooded cloak.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:53 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

You stretch your arms up and get a wedgie. That is no way to live.^*
* said a friend, and I'm taking all the glory
posted by zippy at 1:53 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

"You know how people say it’s a fine line between genius and crazy?"

There is also a fine line between genius and trolling for viral status.
posted by markkraft at 1:55 PM on September 25, 2014

I don't understand why I was not paged to this thread.
posted by eamondaly at 2:02 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

All it needs is a clip on tie and you'll be the worst dressed person in the room.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:02 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Robe? Toga?

No.

The future of unisex office attire will be the Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress!


COME AT ME BRO AND/OR BROSEPHINE!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:03 PM on September 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

your plan is to make us all into Alana Bloom?
posted by The Whelk at 2:05 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

YES!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:05 PM on September 25, 2014

And they called me mad!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:06 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

The future of unisex office attire will be the Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress!

Which is to say, a too-small bathrobe? I pity my co-workers.
posted by aught at 2:06 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I would worry about being trapped in that outfit.

But I feel that way about normal suits too.

The last time I wore a suit I ended up married. I am not doing that again. Unless my wife tells me too.
posted by srboisvert at 2:07 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

I'm not in favour of anything that requires me to see more of my coworkers skin.

I do best if I pretend that they aren't biological entities at all.
posted by bonehead at 2:07 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Finally, somebody is tackling the problem of, "I want to dress like a cartoon character and be in the same outfit all the time, but HOW?"

Does it come with ingrained funk or is this like shrink-to-fit jeans?
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:08 PM on September 25, 2014

I was all set to hate on this, but toward the end when he mentions an orchestra tux version - that would be perfect, because no one sees you in an orchestra tux any closer than about 500 feet.
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:11 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Because you KNOW that men are just gonna flounce in all hairy.

Uh no, speaking for myself.. colored tights all the way... :-)
posted by smidgen at 2:14 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Putting on clothes isn't difficult or time consuming. 

Ha! Simply not falling over is difficult and time-consuming at 6 a.m.

Only some of that is how much I hate not having pockets.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 2:18 PM on September 25, 2014

Randy's posture is righteous and alert: it is all because of his suit.

It is trite to observe that hackers don't like fancy clothes. Avi has learned that good clothes can actually be comfortable--the slacks that go with a business suit, for example, are really much more comfortable than blue jeans. And he has spent enough time with hackers to obtain the insight that is it is not wearing suits that they object to, so much as getting them on. Which includes not only the donning process per se but also picking them out, maintaining them, and worrying whether they are still in style--this last being especially difficult for men who wear suits once every five years.

So it's like this: Avi has a spreadsheet on one of his computers, listing the necks, inseams, and other vital measurements of every man in his employ. A couple of weeks before an important meeting, he will simply fax it to his tailor in Shanghai. Then, in a classic demonstration of the Asian just-in-time delivery system as pioneered by Toyota, the suits will arrive via Federal Express, twenty-fours ahead of time so that they can be automatically piped to the hotel's laundry room. This morning, just as Randy emerged from the shower, he heard a knock at his door, and swung it open to reveal a valet carrying a freshly cleaned and pressed business suit, complete with shirt and tie. He put it all on (a tenth generation photocopy of a bad diagram of the half-Windsor knot was thoughtfully provided). It fit perfectly.

9 / 10 of Neal Stephenson's pub trivia digressions fall flat for me but that one worked. Except that a buttoned up all the way shirt and a necktie is not a comfortable way to dress. But he is absolutely right that wool dress slacks are more comfortable than blue jeans.
posted by bukvich at 2:20 PM on September 25, 2014 [9 favorites]

J-Animals got there first, and lets you be a unicorn, or a bear, or a puppy! Yes they come in adult sizes. For adults with so little shame they dress like toddlers.
posted by emjaybee at 2:22 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Mmmm, for ranger, I think you want more of a hooded cloak.

Friend of mine wears a full heavy lined hooded cloak in the winter. Trying to bring the fashion back. I fully support this.
posted by mrgoat at 2:24 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Well, I never thought Crocs would take off.
posted by Cookiebastard at 2:24 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Well it's less skeezy than the vagisoft, so that's good I guess.
posted by Lemurrhea at 2:33 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Because you KNOW that men are just gonna flounce in all hairy.

Uh no, speaking for myself.. colored tights all the way... :-)

Purple or gray for me.
posted by Foosnark at 2:34 PM on September 25, 2014

Better than this would be a single massive sock that covers your entire body, and then you tie a knot in the top and have a garbage man haul you to work.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:36 PM on September 25, 2014 [14 favorites]

Purple AND gray
posted by en forme de poire at 2:36 PM on September 25, 2014

I always assumed that the Star Trek people have their waste beamed out by tech. Hence their relaxed comportment. If this suitsy does that, then sign me up!
posted by asok at 2:37 PM on September 25, 2014

I put on my robe-and-wizardhatsie...
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:38 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

Except that a buttoned up all the way shirt and a necktie is not a comfortable way to dress.

You should be able to stick a finger into your closed collar even with a tie, no reason to go all chokehold.
posted by The Whelk at 2:45 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

For everyone clamoring for hooded cloaks and robes and such, please allow me to humbly suggest a hooded duffle coat, particularly one in the style of the classic Gloverall Monty. If you get one of sufficient length and fasten only the top-most toggle, you can be well on your way to ranger/hobbit/wizard adventures.
posted by mhum at 2:54 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

Love it. Love this thread. Love living in my own waste. Love everything.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:05 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

Presenting: My chain of thoughts upon seeing this.
1. Hey, no fair - you didn't design a similar idea for women.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:37 PM on September 25 [3 favorites +] [!]


Funny, I heard about the suitsie on the radio and thought, great, another ridiculous revealing trend for women's "work" clothes. Because, you know, I was picturing a playboy bunny outfit, which is essentially a onesie. This is less revolting, and more fun. But no, never ever will anyone I know wear it.
posted by Measured Out my Life in Coffeespoons at 3:13 PM on September 25, 2014

Yes because then you can do the thing where you put the ends of the sleeves together mysteriously and bow your head so the hood shadows your face and say stuff in a deep voice like
YOU AHH THEAHFOAH BANEESHED FROM THIS KEENGDUM

Does this work? Because I have some people I would like to banish from the Kingdom.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:17 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

We could also send them to the dungeon
posted by The Whelk at 3:25 PM on September 25, 2014

Start small with your banishing, GenjiandProust. For example, consider banishing a cat from the very top shelf of the pantry, because how did she even get up there?
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:25 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

If we could get the "men's dresses/skirts" fashion thing going, I'd be very happy because dresses look so damned comfy, and a suit with a zipper up the front just makes me think of James Bond in reverse.

I think it would be worth it to own one, just so you could unzip your suitsy to reveal a wetsuit beneath.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:26 PM on September 25, 2014 [9 favorites]

btw ladies, overalls have dozens of pockets. Even a loop for your hammer. Just sayin'.

Oh, the euphemisms just write themselves!
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:30 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

If this made it to Betabrand's voting stage, I'd love to see what never got past the drawing board. I imagine ideas like:

-shirt with retractable ruffles for impromptu pirate adventures
-boondals: winter boots that convert to summer sandals!
-underwear with removable snap-in crotch: you only need one pair, just replace the crotch part as needed
-solar-powered phone-charging fedora trilby
-pants with surprise $20 bill in pocket
-bike shorts with working turn signals on the butt
-shirt with cat-hair print to camouflage your kitty's sheddings (available in black, white, orange, tortoiseshell, classic and mackerel tabby)
-hoodie made entirely out of gin, somehow
-women's pants that fit both waist and hips
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:30 PM on September 25, 2014 [26 favorites]

Sorry but Graeme Garden already had this idea in The Goodies, 40ish years ago.
posted by andraste at 3:34 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Start small with your banishing, GenjiandProust. For example, consider banishing a cat from the very top shelf of the pantry, because how did she even get up there?

You think that's small? I performed an exorcism once, and I wouldn't attempt banishing a cat! They won't listen anyway.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:35 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Whoever it was that linked to Gustin in this thread or some other thread linked from this one or from one of the websites that this thread or another thread linked to is a genuis and thank you. I am gonna buy so much clothes.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:37 PM on September 25, 2014

I performed an exorcism once, and I wouldn't attempt banishing a cat!

I think it was one of the zen masters that said: "The path to banishing a cat is paved with a series of mild suggestions."
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:39 PM on September 25, 2014

But he is absolutely right that wool dress slacks are more comfortable than blue jeans.

Only if you are a stupidhead who is dumb. Jeans are so much more comfortable than slacks. So much. And like with neckties - I have to wonder if the whole point of a business suit is to keep the wearer pissed off at everything the whole time they are in one.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 3:46 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

But jeans are so hot and they don't breathe and they don't even have comfortable lining.

Not even getting into how scandalously low they ride on the body.
posted by The Whelk at 3:49 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

whelk is that a cry for mom jeans help

volunteers are standing by ready to aid you
posted by poffin boffin at 3:54 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

Jeans are uncomfortable I am trying to rotate them out of my wardrobe.

I'd rather wear canvas tbh
posted by The Whelk at 3:55 PM on September 25, 2014

Maybe he could use a system that automatically matches shirts and pants and jackets for him, so he doesn't have to think about it. Like Garanimals.

At Banana Republic, J. Crew, Gap, H&M, and Brooks Brothers for starters, men's business wear comes in two or three all matching lines each season - from jackets-slacks-shirts-ties to socks-belts-wallet-shoes-hats-sunglases. And matching not just colors, but styles (business suiting, business separates aka jacket and slacks, business casual and travel wear).

We've been calling them Garanimals for Grownups for years.
posted by Dreidl at 4:05 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I would rarely wear anything other than an enormous hooded robe if I could.

You could make your living selling stolen droids.
posted by jonmc at 4:19 PM on September 25, 2014 [9 favorites]

This bears repeating:

-women's pants that fit both waist and hips
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:30 PM on September 25 [4 favorites +] [!]
posted by crush-onastick at 4:26 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

> Still better than the current tech uniform: dress shirt, jeans and a blazer.

So strange, so strange. Exactly that, plus a tie, was the what-everybody-wore-every-day uniform at the University of Virginia in the middle 1960s. (When the rest of the world was wearing bell bottoms and tie dye t-shirts. Except the UK, where you could wear Union Jack t-shirts.)
posted by jfuller at 4:34 PM on September 25, 2014

If this came in a pastel Don Johnson edition with three-button tee neck I'd be all ov---

... no, no I wouldn't. But I'd be happy to see you wear it.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:48 PM on September 25, 2014

These comments just make me think of sci-fi. The wrap-dress near the end of Bicentennial/Positronic man, and the spray-on clothes from Futurama.

What I would like is for humans to evolve the ability to selectively grow clothes naturally, and shed them whole like squicky matryoshka dolls that your parents will collect and display to embarrass you
posted by halifix at 4:58 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

You lot would all be draping yourselves in velvet if it was socially acceptable.

We did in the nineties they were dresses and wearing velvet everywhere was a thing we did.

It was a glorious time unparalleled in human history.

Also if you felt like mixing it up and going about dressed as a lady lumberjack that was okay, too.
posted by winna at 4:59 PM on September 25, 2014 [7 favorites]

I feel like it needs four zippers, so you can be unpeeled like a banana.
posted by jason_steakums at 5:00 PM on September 25, 2014 [5 favorites]

We did in the nineties they were dresses and wearing velvet everywhere was a thing we did.

Oh, and those tight black velvet pants on women in the late 90's. I once came vanishingly close to actually marrying the entire wrong girl just over a pair of those pants. *sigh*
posted by ftm at 5:54 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

women's pants that fit both waist and hips

leggings, they're called leggings
posted by poffin boffin at 6:26 PM on September 25, 2014

*Four* zippers? How many lobes are there on the bananas you eat?
posted by Earthtopus at 6:33 PM on September 25, 2014

*Four* zippers? How many lobes are there on the bananas you eat?

More than enough.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:38 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

but would you have unpeeling servants, or some kind of machine like what tony stark uses to get out of the armor, or some kind of counterweighted contraption to unzip simultaneously on your own

i have so many questions
posted by poffin boffin at 6:42 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

"FINALLY, clothing that is comfortable, functional, AND will protect me from mockery!"

*Punts Utilikilt into dumpster*
posted by Turkey Glue at 6:42 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

yes
posted by jason_steakums at 6:42 PM on September 25, 2014

for the purpose of this exercise are you human sized or banana sized
posted by poffin boffin at 6:42 PM on September 25, 2014

Well human sized, but now I'm thinking about tiny suits for bananas and honestly, that's the better invention.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:47 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

I want men to start wearing dresses so that I can wear a dress with my hairy legs to work. Because you KNOW that men are just gonna flounce in all hairy.

The men (using the term inclusively) I have known who wear dresses all shave, while the men I have known who wear kilts don't (and usually have quite luxurious beards as well). The coding of the clothing clearly matters -- "masculine" clothes have different hair rules than "feminine" clothes -- as does personal identification with those rules and labels. All of which to say that the current body hair norms are plainly silly, but getting men into non-bifurcated clothes might not change anything.

women's pants that fit both waist and hips

Do women's pants designs work for anyone? Every woman I've dated has had a terrible time shopping for pants, to the point of absurdity given their totally normal shapes.

underwear with removable snap-in crotch: you only need one pair, just replace the crotch part as needed

That is basically a reverse thong, with all of the grossness and none of the goodness, right?
posted by Dip Flash at 7:18 PM on September 25, 2014

My favorite part of the article was the inventor's MIL's toast/prediction for her daughter's future: "You will never be bored!"

It sounds like a good thing--or at least a vaguely positive one. Then again, at first read, so does "May you live in interesting times."

Well-played, Kristin's mom.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 7:23 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

What if you were wearing this getup and ....um....got lucky? I imagine it'd surprise the hell out of your date.

I doubt it will become an issue.
posted by um at 7:50 PM on September 25, 2014 [10 favorites]

On the same continuum as Bachelor Chow. Now, with Flavor!
posted by SPrintF at 7:54 PM on September 25, 2014

Now if he can just figure out how to attach the fedora.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:56 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

At the new Goopplesoft corporate dorms, you can wake up in your sleeping pod, jump into a shower disguised as a waterslide, and find yourself freshly bathed and downstairs in the locker room, where for your convenience, a premium suitsy vending machine is located. Don't worry, if they don't have your size, a self-driving car will take you to your San Francisco apartment where, if you can't figure out what to wear on your own, your neighbors will be ready to chime in with helpful advice such as "go fuck yourself!" and "why don't you drive up someone else's rent!? you can't even dress yourself!"
posted by feloniousmonk at 8:00 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

It's the Soylent of menswear.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 8:07 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

It's Friday afternoon, time to go be social with all my tech-savvy friends! *dons Suitsy, downs tumbler of Soylent, sits down in the dark scrolling through bent iPhone 6*
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:18 PM on September 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

women's pants that fit both waist and hips

leggings, they're called leggings

Pff. Expanding to cover is not the same as fitting.
posted by asperity at 8:51 PM on September 25, 2014 [6 favorites]

-shirt with cat-hair print to camouflage your kitty's sheddings (available in black, white, orange, tortoiseshell, classic and mackerel tabby)

Our vallhunds are blowing their coats right about now and our lives are covered with blowing drifts of fur, so once again I think about collecting the fluffy undercoat and having it spun and made into clothes so that when the dogs are blowing their coats AGAIN in a few months, I can just wear those all the time and they'll just sort of eat the new fur and, I dunno, get bigger or something.

Also the logical endpoint for this is Ellen's spacesuit in Ken MacLeod's The Cassini Division -- basically just a big glob of nanogoo that glorps all over you and assumes an appearance based on your surroundings and mental state. Also you can have sex with it.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:26 PM on September 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

Expanding to cover is not the same as fitting.

well obviously idk about your booty drama but mine fit me fine
posted by poffin boffin at 10:01 PM on September 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

You should be able to stick a finger into your closed collar even with a tie, no reason to go all chokehold.

One finger doesn't give me anywhere near enough room to expand my throat sac and hopefully attract a mate.
posted by yonega at 10:31 PM on September 25, 2014 [17 favorites]

This is so transgressively wonderful.

Wear a four piece suit to work, nobody panics.
Wear a one piece suit, everyone loses their minds.
posted by MeanwhileBackAtTheRanch at 11:43 PM on September 25, 2014 [3 favorites]

women's pants that fit both waist and hips

leggings, they're called leggings.

Leggings are not pants!
posted by hapax_legomenon at 1:08 AM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

mrgoat: Seconding the robe. I would rarely wear anything other than an enormous hooded robe if I could.

freecellwizard: Yes because then you can do the thing where you put the ends of the sleeves together mysteriously and bow your head so the hood shadows your face and say stuff in a deep voice like
YOU AHH THEAHFOAH BANEESHED FROM THIS KEENGDUM

sobarel: You lot would all be draping yourselves in velvet if it was socially acceptable.

So, once upon a time my Mom got a terminal diagnosis and I moved home to be her carer. Now and then over the next six months, she'd get into cheerful 'FUCK IT' moods and decide to do something just because WHY NOT (and in an unrelated story, this is how we came to build a lush, spectacular temporary garden complete with pond and waterfall in her tiny, brick back patio).

One day, during one of these moods, she saw a small advertisement in the local paper for hooded capes made by a local lady from her home. Mom decided that above all things, she needed to own a hooded, velvet cape and that obviously I needed one too, and this is how we came to be driving 45 minutes out of the city, through lovely rolling farmland, to a small isolated house.

(Apparently usually the seamstress would deliver things to your home on her twice-weekly visits, but Mom was wisely set on taking advantage of her current mood.)

We were welcomed by the seamstress and spent an hour or two playing with various robes and hoods and whatnot in her sewing room (there was a floor length, gold, sequinned hooded robe that haunts my dreams and calls to me still).

Eventually we left with giant, ridiculous velvet capes for the both of us and it is, to this day, one of my most treasured items and the only garment I have guaranteed to cheer me up just looking at it. So I can confirm all three commenters above, and in conclusion, if you have the chance to obtain a big, velvet, wacky robe - do so at once.

(I have not banished any cats, but I have hissed a successful 'May our local cupcake store cease making your favourite flavour' curse at my dude while wearing it, which I attribute to the cape's powers.)
posted by pseudonymph at 3:06 AM on September 26, 2014 [32 favorites]

What about flared leggings? Can they be pants? I'm picturing a Judy Jetson kind of thing. On topic, I can imagine wearing this suit if I were thinner. I'd love it in fact, particularly if it came in a wrinkle resistant magical fabric that sat just right and never got smelly.
posted by h00py at 4:31 AM on September 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Flagged as fantastic, pseudonymph.
posted by cmyk at 4:52 AM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

Those male-gendered persons militating to be allowed to wear skirts or dresses to the office might want to pause to consider what they're asking after for a moment. As a male-gender-identified denizen of Och Aye Land (north of Berwick-upon-Tweed, south of Loch Ness) I naturally own a kilt—it's formalwear, and gets used for weddings and black tie events and so on.

Let me just flag up the fact that, despite the indisputable advantages in the ventilation department, skirt-like garments and male primary sexual characteristics are a combination that require determined attention to sartorial management—it's at least as demanding as wearing a necktie without strangling yourself or looking sloppy. Nor are male hips as effective at holding up the garment covering your nether regions as female booty: there's a reason the original Highland kilt was worn over the shoulder, and why the full Prince Charlie outfit includes a waistcoat (to conceal the suspenders that save you from inadvertently over-sharing your all). A full woollen kilt is unbelievably hot in anything resembling moderately warm weather, leading to sweat-induced itch that is impossible to deal with surreptitiously. There are other, grotesque hazards. And don't get me started on the potential for inadvertent autocastration presented by the sporran!

TL:DR version: utilikilts may be designed for, well, utility, but that's only in comparison with a garment that was otherwise designed to give the tuxedo suit a run for its money in spurious complexity and inconvenience: and if man-dresses ever catch on as officewear, I'm sure our masters of the universe (who have access to bespoke tailoring) will do their best to dictate styles that make the rest of us look lumpy and feel uncomfortable.
posted by cstross at 4:57 AM on September 26, 2014 [14 favorites]

"I just thought it would be great if I could look professional and feel like I was in my pajamas.”

It would be great! He could make suits out of more comfortable high-tech fabrics, or he could make a more tailored hoodie. He could even make jeggings (or, um, peggings?) for men. Instead, he designed something that's like a cross between a Snuggie and a tuxedo-print t-shirt.

(Seriously, lots of women's leggings look like pants these days. I get fooled all the time in stores.)

On preview, h00py gets it.
posted by Room 641-A at 5:24 AM on September 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

For a prototype that was presumably painstakingly measured and fitted, it comes across as a really ill-fitting suit--as though it was yanked from the suit rack at Value Village in a rush after a fleeting glance.
posted by duffell at 7:05 AM on September 26, 2014

There are other, grotesque hazards.

Good Lord, man! We're not advocating going regimental! One would hope you'd wear kecks in a professional environment.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:47 AM on September 26, 2014

My 10-year old son is obsessed with the idea of getting a kilt - we live in the US, though we do have a Scottish last name - for the express reason of not wearing underwear.

"That is not happening, for a multitude of reasons."
posted by Chrysostom at 8:01 AM on September 26, 2014

My 10-year old son is obsessed with the idea of getting a kilt - we live in the US, though we do have a Scottish last name - for the express reason of not wearing underwear.

Show him that clip from Braveheart where Wallace's men are all mooning King Edwards' troops prior to a battle, but then the troops get pissed off and start firing arrows on them and one of Wallace's men gets an arrow shot straight into his ass.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:33 AM on September 26, 2014 [4 favorites]

The volume of #GrownAssAdultFail coming off this guy is staggering.

Like Mark Twain said, "Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence of society."

And a fucking zip-up onesie masquerading as office casual announces "I've stopped trying to Adult."
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:59 AM on September 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Isn't this how the loved ones are dressed by the undertaker? A nice one piece wrap around suit?
posted by njohnson23 at 9:13 AM on September 26, 2014

I thought it looked fine and I think if you had a job that was casual wear but then you needed to don a suit for a client meeting this would be ideal. If he makes the suit part out of easy to wash materials that would be perfect. Agreed though that there needs to be better removal options for bathroom breaks. But I've worn jumpsuits and cat suits at various points in my life and survived fine ( not to mention Spanx and nylons and other obstacles to easy peeing but maybe women are just used to that).
posted by biggreenplant at 9:46 AM on September 26, 2014

Exactly that, plus a tie, was the what-everybody-wore-every-day uniform at the University of Virginia in the middle 1960s.

The East Coast Prep look is popular in the tech industry because it's what a lot of the bros come from.
posted by rhizome at 10:30 AM on September 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

What about flared leggings? Can they be pants?

I'd argue that leggings' defining characteristic is their all-over tight fit. Put a flared leg opening on a pair of leggings, and you've got yoga pants.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:53 PM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

Huh. I have only just now realized that I've been confusing "leggings" with "leg warmers" for my entire life.
posted by aramaic at 1:43 PM on September 26, 2014

I am eternally bitter that the advent of central heating (and possibly lab safety standards) eliminated the daily wear of academic gowns. Mine is violently purple (go Dawgs!) and makes me look like a Guinness Record grape. I would wear it every workday for the rest of my life with delight.
posted by gingerest at 3:43 PM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

This would be really useful for collecting one's farts and saving them for later enjoyment.
posted by nacho fries at 3:54 PM on September 26, 2014

This would be really useful for collecting one's farts and saving them for later enjoyment.
posted by nacho fries at 5:54 PM on September 26 [+] [!]

Eponyperfect
posted by jason_steakums at 4:40 PM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

This would be really useful for collecting one's farts and saving them for later enjoyment.
posted by nacho fries at 5:54 PM on September 26 [+] [!]

Eponyperfect
posted by jason_steakums at 4:40 PM on September 26


I'm not getting near either of you.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:51 PM on September 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

It's the Soylent of menswear.

Add a Teledildonics rig, and you have a trifecta of tech-assisted SocialFail; Don't wanna eat real food, wear real clothes, or have sex with real people? Bay Area got you covered.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:54 AM on September 28, 2014 [2 favorites]