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October 6, 2014 6:02 PM   Subscribe

Stain Solutions. The University of Illinois Extention tells you how to tackle all the messes you've made.
posted by mimo (33 comments total) 66 users marked this as a favorite
 
Don't wear good clothes to class. Pop quizzes are messy! ("Our pop quizzes use real soda")

(great guide, emailed it to myself and others; will use it as needed, thx).
posted by el io at 6:27 PM on October 6, 2014


Doesn't include magenta printer ink, alas, so my carpets shall remain bespeckled with pink.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:29 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is good but isn't the answer to everything "Dawn Dish Soap"? Also, I couldn't find an entry for bike chain grease, but I do happen to know the answer is Dawn Dish Soap.
posted by latkes at 6:40 PM on October 6, 2014 [3 favorites]


Weird also that broccoli is on there. Does broccoli stain?!
posted by latkes at 6:41 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


It does have both automotive grease and just plain grease, latkes, so one of them should help. I personally just wear stained, dirty clothes because I am a disgusting slob, but I appreciate how comprehensive this list is.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:48 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


Very useful, but it's missing some topics. Wouldn't it make more sense to briefly explain the chemical theory behind their conclusions? I.e. facts like "hot water can set protein stains into fabric".
posted by jeffburdges at 6:50 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


I agree, jeffburdges (about the chemical theory, I'm ambivalent on the semen stains). I find it interesting that they separate yellow and red inks from other colors in multiple categories, and I would actually like to know why but am unfortunately too lazy to use Google or Wikipedia.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:52 PM on October 6, 2014


One of my favourite sites on the web, since forever, is This to That, the resource about sticking things together.

I only mention it because I wish Stain Solutions had been called This from That instead.
posted by kandinski at 7:39 PM on October 6, 2014 [14 favorites]


Thanks, latkes! Bike chain grease and myoglobin (i.e. hamburger juice) have ruined two pairs of pants. Neither of those are on this list. Will have to give your remedy a go.
posted by fedup at 7:58 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


We have a troublesome dog and a child who doesn't always like to keep her diaper on. That urine one might come in handy.

Blood might also be helpful with how bad I am with a razor. What gets out gastric acid, sputum, or lymphatic fluid?
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:00 PM on October 6, 2014


I've found that all you really need for most laundry stains is a bar of Fels Naphtha. That shit is the best pre-treat ever, it's cheap and a bar lasts forever. Good for poison ivy, too.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:18 PM on October 6, 2014


myoglobin (i.e. hamburger juice) have ruined ... pants

Consider carrying groceries in a bag, rather than your pockets.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:23 PM on October 6, 2014 [4 favorites]


Has anyone here got a marble mantlepiece?

You can clean marble mantlepieces with lemon juice and salt.

I have the burden of remembering things like this, and it is my duty to pass them on.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:41 PM on October 6, 2014 [4 favorites]


For those of us who sometimes neglect to wear pocket protectors, milk can be quite effective for removing ink from shirts stained by unruly pens.
posted by islander at 8:47 PM on October 6, 2014


It's got no entries for guilt, shame, or a particular night in April, so it's really of no use to me.
posted by angerbot at 9:00 PM on October 6, 2014 [10 favorites]


Agreed, Angerbot. Ain't no solvent can clean up the mess I left in the Khyber Pass back in '88.
posted by Iridic at 9:05 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


Lard. Girlfriend is always telling me to stop dropping lard everywhere.

Cats sliding around in lard. Jumping in the back door when the cat food can is opened and sliding right down the hallway, straight out the front door.

Putting the shopping bag down on the kitchen floor to make space on the counter and going back to grab the bag and it's just slipped away down behind the fridge.

Dropping the soap in the shower and going down to pick it back up and it's just a big lump of lard and you rub it in your armpits and now your armpits smell like lard.

Hot summer day. Shiny sheens of dripping melted lard on every surface.

Not even allowed to cook with it, don't know where it came from.

Fucking lard.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:43 PM on October 6, 2014 [5 favorites]


I couldn't find an entry for bike chain grease, but I do happen to know the answer is Dawn Dish Soap.

Dish soap is like magic for bike grease. Now if only someone could tell me how I can ride my bike without getting grease everywhere...
posted by evidenceofabsence at 10:11 PM on October 6, 2014 [1 favorite]


Fucking lard.

On the other hand, it is amazingly good (and cheap!) stuff for waterproofing boots.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:54 PM on October 6, 2014


Now if only someone could tell me how I can ride my bike without getting grease everywhere.

Wash it in kerosene and let dry. Then don't lubricate anything on it. You may find that riding it is more of workout than before. Think of it as a step up.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:32 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]


For getting mechanical grime off your hands, use Jergens Lotion Soap. Put it on dry hands and rub in thoroughly, then wash.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:35 AM on October 7, 2014


It's got no entries for guilt, shame, or a particular night in April, so it's really of no use to me

Rhubarb pie.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:42 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]


Yesssssss, it has bananas! On the other hand, those are a lot of steps to follow for removing stains from a piece of clothing my kid is going to grow out of in about thirty minutes anyway.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 7:11 AM on October 7, 2014


One of my favourite sites on the web, since forever, is This to That, the resource about sticking things together.

I only mention it because I wish Stain Solutions had been called This from That instead.

Yes! My brain took a second to catch up when the site loaded. (And also yes, one of the first sites I remember from forever ago.)
posted by Room 641-A at 7:31 AM on October 7, 2014


Dry Cleaning solution was the answer to most of my queries - um what is that? I guess the Woolite/Dryel sheets contain a few drops, but they are expensive. I found a bottle on Amazon for under $10. I might get it. Also, I did see an explanation that these solutions may only work if the item has not been laundered already.
posted by soelo at 7:57 AM on October 7, 2014


Bike chain grease ...ruined two pairs of pants.

The trick with the Dawn is, pour some Dawn on the grease and then rub the clothing against itself. The grease will kind of lift out with the mechanical rubbing. Then throw it in the wash.
posted by latkes at 8:18 AM on October 7, 2014


I first read this as "Stalin Solutions" - I like Stain Solutions much better, let me tell you.
posted by newdaddy at 9:35 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]


Weird also that broccoli is on there. Does broccoli stain?!
posted by latkes at 6:41 PM on October 6


As someone who fell asleep with a migraine-soothing bag of frozen broccoli on her face and woke up to a horrid smell and pale green fluid all over her head, sheets, pillow, and mattress, I confidently assure you that broccoli does, in fact, stain.
posted by Munching Langolier at 9:35 AM on October 7, 2014 [5 favorites]


Dry Cleaning solution was the answer to most of my queries - um what is that?

Years ago, it would have been Carbon Tetrachloride. That turned out to be too toxic, so they went with Perchloroethylene. I believe that's been declared a carcinogen. All the "Dry Cleaning solutions" on Amazon seem to have large WARNING or DANGER messages on them, but Amazon doesn't say what's in them.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 10:09 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]


+1 for Dawn detergent for things like grease / motor oil, etc. That gritty Lava soap works well for hands, too.

The solution to getting bike grease all over your stuff? For the love of all that's holy, STOP fucking overlubricating your drivetrain! Use the right sort of lightweight teflon-based drivetrain lube (NOT cheap hardware store shit, get something decent like Boeshield T1 and use it sparingly, it'll last you forever) with one of those little straw-like applicators and drip lube ONLY on the rollers, not on the plates / outside of the chain. Do this by running the chain backwards around the cogset and dripping lube in from the top, small drops only. Spin the cranks a couple of times, then WIPE THE ENTIRE CHAIN DOWN, like you're trying to remove all the lube you just put on. Don't stop until it looks dry from the outside. You want the lube on the inside, not on the surface getting all black and shitty.

oh and buy a box of those disposable nitrile gloves from like walgreens or costco or wherever and keep a spare set in your seatbag / messenger bag for changing flats. Works a treat to add an extra layer of warmth, too, to any pair of gloves when you find yourself underdressed in a cold / rainy snap.

or just run a belt drive and say fuck that noise.
posted by lonefrontranger at 10:23 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]


Came for bird poop. Was not disappointed. 10/10
posted by Splunge at 10:36 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]


Kirth Gerson, I replied in the "obsolete smells" thread awhile back how back in the bad old days working in the aircraft tooling shop it was accepted practice to just splash a little CCl4 on our khakis to make the lathe oil magically disappear. With bare hands, even.

yeah.
posted by lonefrontranger at 11:20 AM on October 7, 2014


And don't you just love that fresh carbon tet scent?
posted by Splunge at 12:50 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]


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