I wonder what my son’s name is. Perhaps it is Jonathant.
January 6, 2015 11:32 AM Subscribe
Non-working women are more likely to spend their weekdays doing housework or caring for others, while non-working men are more likely to spend that time watching TV. Perhaps, then, it's not surprising how William Giraldi spent his paternity leave (spoiler alert: not parenting). Mallory Ortberg responds.
That William Giraldi article...not enough eyeroll emojis in the world.
"But let’s be honest: even in self-consciously progressive households, it’s a rare new father who does as much baby work as a new mother."
Let's be honest: you're a selfish, immature asshole.
posted by sallybrown at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2015 [72 favorites]
"But let’s be honest: even in self-consciously progressive households, it’s a rare new father who does as much baby work as a new mother."
Let's be honest: you're a selfish, immature asshole.
posted by sallybrown at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2015 [72 favorites]
That Baffler article... wow. I was reading this article today about how the Nazis made special Aryan super-cows that are apparently really aggressive, and between that and the various wildly successful Kickstarters for ultra-targeted nostalgia software it really does seem like the modern white male has a possibly dangerous excess of time and money.
Luckily, both of these things are easily given away and put to use!
posted by selfnoise at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Luckily, both of these things are easily given away and put to use!
posted by selfnoise at 11:39 AM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I am going to absolutely adopt the blessing in one of the comments on the Mallory Ortberg piece:
May this article fly forever on the backs of golden eagles.posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:43 AM on January 6, 2015 [14 favorites]
ortberglol
posted by lalochezia at 11:49 AM on January 6, 2015
posted by lalochezia at 11:49 AM on January 6, 2015
The thought of handling a newborn while drunk fills me with terror.
posted by benzenedream at 11:50 AM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 11:50 AM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Via the comments from The Toast, an earlier piece of writing by Giraldi:
posted by jeather at 11:53 AM on January 6, 2015 [74 favorites]
But so far my life as a new father has much in common with my old life. My best friend, a Boston story writer, married an Irish Catholic woman from Connecticut with two siblings, an older and younger brother, neither of whom she adored, and so now the diaper work and up-all-night obligations get split down the middle. Furthermore, his bride aspires to be a novelist of all things. His hair has gone grayer, and all those short stories canistered in his cranium stay in his cranium. I, on the other hand, married an Asian woman born in Taiwan who has an identical twin and three other siblings—two of them younger, adored brothers she tended to daily—and although she’s an artist with an aptitude that astonishes me—Katie crafted the mobiles above Ethan’s crib; they rotate and revolve with a perfection that would have impressed Johannes Kepler himself—all she ever wanted to be was a mother. The difference between brides is greater than that between Schopenhauer and Saint Francis, and so my life as a new father has much in common with my old life. But still: I am in the room when Ethan wakes at night. He wants me awake, too. We are a triumvirate, after all. I have made this. I get no stay-asleep pass.All she ever wanted was to be a mother. Not a novelist of all things.
posted by jeather at 11:53 AM on January 6, 2015 [74 favorites]
Oh, Mallory Ortberg :::hearteyes::: you had me at "rearrange the cat".
posted by finisterre at 11:54 AM on January 6, 2015 [32 favorites]
posted by finisterre at 11:54 AM on January 6, 2015 [32 favorites]
The thought of handling a newborn while drunk fills me with terror.
Sleep deprived isn't much better. It once took me an inordinately long time to suss out that my son was not fitting in his car cradle because I was putting the head where the feet should go. But, 2.5 hours of sleep and I needed to get to work and I don't really remember a whole lot about that time in his life.
Giraldi is an asshat though.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:56 AM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
Sleep deprived isn't much better. It once took me an inordinately long time to suss out that my son was not fitting in his car cradle because I was putting the head where the feet should go. But, 2.5 hours of sleep and I needed to get to work and I don't really remember a whole lot about that time in his life.
Giraldi is an asshat though.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:56 AM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
Furthermore, his bride aspires to be a novelist of all things. His hair has gone grayer, and all those short stories canistered in his cranium stay in his cranium.
My jaw dropped. Like. My jaw literally dropped.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 11:56 AM on January 6, 2015 [54 favorites]
My jaw dropped. Like. My jaw literally dropped.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 11:56 AM on January 6, 2015 [54 favorites]
Let's be honest: you're a selfish, immature asshole.
So here's a thing about this kind of reaction to the article: isn't that actually what the author is knowingly depicting? When you furiously point at the guy saying "asshole", and the piece to me appears to be the guy pointing at himself and shouting "asshole," some essential element of the fingerwagging appears to me to be short circuited, i suppose the contradiction part.
I suppose it's just consensual flogging, so all I can really do here is voice bemusement.
posted by mwhybark at 11:56 AM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
So here's a thing about this kind of reaction to the article: isn't that actually what the author is knowingly depicting? When you furiously point at the guy saying "asshole", and the piece to me appears to be the guy pointing at himself and shouting "asshole," some essential element of the fingerwagging appears to me to be short circuited, i suppose the contradiction part.
I suppose it's just consensual flogging, so all I can really do here is voice bemusement.
posted by mwhybark at 11:56 AM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Tell me this guy is just one of those awful personas people adopt for Steampunk cosplay.
posted by Artw at 12:02 PM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Artw at 12:02 PM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
isn't that actually what the author is knowingly depicting?
The "Let's be honest" line implies pretty much exactly the opposite, and that's what the parodies and/or pissed-off reactions I've seen are mostly targeting — the incredible un-self-awareness of Giraldi's projection of his own personal retrograde bullshit outward, as if it were universally shared, and he were just confessionally puncturing the polite decorum of the rest of the world by pointing it out.
I mean, it seems barely worth parodying to me because it's such a ridiculously easy target, not because it anticipated the parody. Mostly, The Baffler should be embarrassed to have published it.
posted by RogerB at 12:03 PM on January 6, 2015 [32 favorites]
The "Let's be honest" line implies pretty much exactly the opposite, and that's what the parodies and/or pissed-off reactions I've seen are mostly targeting — the incredible un-self-awareness of Giraldi's projection of his own personal retrograde bullshit outward, as if it were universally shared, and he were just confessionally puncturing the polite decorum of the rest of the world by pointing it out.
I mean, it seems barely worth parodying to me because it's such a ridiculously easy target, not because it anticipated the parody. Mostly, The Baffler should be embarrassed to have published it.
posted by RogerB at 12:03 PM on January 6, 2015 [32 favorites]
"Blah blah blah I'm a fancy alcoholic blah blah"
posted by oceanjesse at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [41 favorites]
posted by oceanjesse at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [41 favorites]
isn't that actually what the author is knowingly depicting?
I didn't get that impression. I find articles like this really hateful and alienating, actually, especially when I consider whether I would eventually want to be married or have a family. Children shit their pants a lot, especially in the early years. Being drunk probably makes that easier to deal with, but apparently this dude just got drunk and didn't deal with anything? So yeah, that makes me think if I get married I'm going to be changing diapers sober while my spouse writes funny essays about just how smashed he is.
Making fun of your foibles is heartwarming; making money off of your flaws while not attempting to remedy them is crass. I have a lot of flaws and I feel sad and upset that I have them. It hasn't occurred to me to make money off of them or write about how quirky they make me. Mostly I try haphazardly and without much success to improve them. I feel really bad for this dude's wife.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [29 favorites]
I didn't get that impression. I find articles like this really hateful and alienating, actually, especially when I consider whether I would eventually want to be married or have a family. Children shit their pants a lot, especially in the early years. Being drunk probably makes that easier to deal with, but apparently this dude just got drunk and didn't deal with anything? So yeah, that makes me think if I get married I'm going to be changing diapers sober while my spouse writes funny essays about just how smashed he is.
Making fun of your foibles is heartwarming; making money off of your flaws while not attempting to remedy them is crass. I have a lot of flaws and I feel sad and upset that I have them. It hasn't occurred to me to make money off of them or write about how quirky they make me. Mostly I try haphazardly and without much success to improve them. I feel really bad for this dude's wife.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [29 favorites]
So here's a thing about this kind of reaction to the article: isn't that actually what the author is knowingly depicting? When you furiously point at the guy saying "asshole", and the piece to me appears to be the guy pointing at himself and shouting "asshole," some essential element of the fingerwagging appears to me to be short circuited, i suppose the contradiction part.
Definitely not, at least from my reading of the article. I don't think he thinks he's an asshole. I think he thinks of himself as someone who took to drinking because he had nothing to do, and he pins "nothing to do" on his job's giving him paternity leave and his wife's doing what he assumes is "her" job. What makes him a selfish, immature asshole is his utter lack of understanding that being an adult, a partner, and a father makes him--not his wife--responsible for figuring out what work he can do to take on some of the burden an infant presents to a family. He's like the person who leaves socks all over the floor and the dishwasher unemptied and then claims it's not his/her fault because no one asked him/her to pick up.
posted by sallybrown at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [56 favorites]
Definitely not, at least from my reading of the article. I don't think he thinks he's an asshole. I think he thinks of himself as someone who took to drinking because he had nothing to do, and he pins "nothing to do" on his job's giving him paternity leave and his wife's doing what he assumes is "her" job. What makes him a selfish, immature asshole is his utter lack of understanding that being an adult, a partner, and a father makes him--not his wife--responsible for figuring out what work he can do to take on some of the burden an infant presents to a family. He's like the person who leaves socks all over the floor and the dishwasher unemptied and then claims it's not his/her fault because no one asked him/her to pick up.
posted by sallybrown at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [56 favorites]
Furthermore, his bride aspires to be a novelist of all things. His hair has gone grayer, and all those short stories canistered in his cranium stay in his cranium.
Is this fellow actually some sort of early-19th century country gentleman who has somehow learned how to internet?
Or perhaps he simply dictates to the second butler.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [41 favorites]
Is this fellow actually some sort of early-19th century country gentleman who has somehow learned how to internet?
Or perhaps he simply dictates to the second butler.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [41 favorites]
The thought of handling a newborn while drunk fills me with terror.
Just take them to the museum. No problem.
posted by thelonius at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [13 favorites]
Just take them to the museum. No problem.
posted by thelonius at 12:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [13 favorites]
Also that excerpt about how it's good to have an Asian wife who dotes on the male members of her family and has no ambition beyond motherhood is really creepy and fetishizing and racist.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [133 favorites]
posted by Snarl Furillo at 12:06 PM on January 6, 2015 [133 favorites]
Children is obviously a big part of "caring of others" and I don't really have an idea as to how many of these unemployed men have children. The article mentions that it's "nearly all" of the women, so I'm guessing it's not nearly all of the men as well?
posted by ODiV at 12:08 PM on January 6, 2015
posted by ODiV at 12:08 PM on January 6, 2015
FWIW shit is no problem to deal with at all - it's just shit, it smells a bit and you need to wipe it up and wash your hands but no problem. It's the screaming that will get to you - especially endless screaming with no apparent cause from a child who will not be placated. That's the bit that will erode your soul over time.
Oh, and shit COMBINED with screaming and attendant limb flinging can be pretty bad too.
posted by Artw at 12:09 PM on January 6, 2015 [25 favorites]
Oh, and shit COMBINED with screaming and attendant limb flinging can be pretty bad too.
posted by Artw at 12:09 PM on January 6, 2015 [25 favorites]
The thought of handling a newborn while drunk fills me with terror.
Practice helps a lot.
posted by gurple at 12:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Practice helps a lot.
posted by gurple at 12:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
How Come No One Celebrates My Alcoholism Like John Cheever's?
posted by Iridic at 12:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by Iridic at 12:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]
My read is that this guy thinks he is an endearing asshole, or at least an acceptable asshole.
He is incorrect.
posted by ominous_paws at 12:15 PM on January 6, 2015 [58 favorites]
He is incorrect.
posted by ominous_paws at 12:15 PM on January 6, 2015 [58 favorites]
I, too, drink more since we've had a baby, although it's mostly that I didn't drink at all on weeknights before (I had Things To Do), but now I figure I may as well have a beer while I make bottles or wash dishes or move the laundry during the eighteen minutes between baby bedtime and grownup bedtime.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by uncleozzy at 12:18 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
It would have been better to recognize he was being an asshole and stop before his paternity leave was over. He doesn't get a pass for knowing it was wrong, that just makes it worse. Even if his wife did have everything under control (a superhuman feat) maybe it would have been nice for her to feel like she didn't have to be Superwoman every day. The fact that he then wrote a self-congratulatory article (instead of that novel, presumably) and got paid for it is just stupefying.
Also how is "workload reduction" a euphemism?
posted by bleep at 12:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
Also how is "workload reduction" a euphemism?
posted by bleep at 12:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
He did help the internet feel judgy and superior for another day, so it's not like his time was entirely wasted.
posted by 99_ at 12:23 PM on January 6, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by 99_ at 12:23 PM on January 6, 2015 [14 favorites]
uncleozzy: I will have a beer now and again in the evenings now moreso than before because it's not like I'll be driving anywhere anyway.
posted by ODiV at 12:23 PM on January 6, 2015
posted by ODiV at 12:23 PM on January 6, 2015
it's not like I'll be driving anywhere anyway.
Does around the block with the baby in the car seat count?
Just kidding, we thankfully haven't had to resort to that at night yet. During the daytime? Oh yes. At least we can walk when the weather is good.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:28 PM on January 6, 2015
Does around the block with the baby in the car seat count?
Just kidding, we thankfully haven't had to resort to that at night yet. During the daytime? Oh yes. At least we can walk when the weather is good.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:28 PM on January 6, 2015
Artw: FWIW shit is no problem to deal with at all - it's just shit, it smells a bit and you need to wipe it up and wash your hands but no problem.
True, though when you pull the back of an aroma-free schrodinger's diaper to see if it's changing time and end up with a thumbtip coated in shit (under the fingernail and everything) as your answer, this is a hard truth to retain.
posted by Vendar at 12:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
True, though when you pull the back of an aroma-free schrodinger's diaper to see if it's changing time and end up with a thumbtip coated in shit (under the fingernail and everything) as your answer, this is a hard truth to retain.
posted by Vendar at 12:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
I haven't been as obsessed with Mallory Ortberg as you all are but there are literally tears running down my face. Rearrange the cat. I want to cross stitch that entire thing on a pillow.
posted by gerstle at 12:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by gerstle at 12:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
FWIW shit is no problem to deal with at all - it's just shit, it smells a bit and you need to wipe it up and wash your hands but no problem.
Yeah, and the Titanic took on a "a bit" of water.
posted by madajb at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Yeah, and the Titanic took on a "a bit" of water.
posted by madajb at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
I figure I may as well have a beer while I make bottles or wash dishes or move the laundry during the eighteen minutes between baby bedtime and grownup bedtime
Yeah, this. And in my case I was with the kids all day and finally after bedtime I could drink beer and play guitar (quietly) and probably stay up too late because OH MAN FREE TIME.
And then, inevitably, very early the next day while changing/bathing/feeding breakfast/entertaining 3 kids, early-morning chococat would be very angry at late-night chococat.
posted by chococat at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]
Yeah, this. And in my case I was with the kids all day and finally after bedtime I could drink beer and play guitar (quietly) and probably stay up too late because OH MAN FREE TIME.
And then, inevitably, very early the next day while changing/bathing/feeding breakfast/entertaining 3 kids, early-morning chococat would be very angry at late-night chococat.
posted by chococat at 12:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]
My intake increased until I was imbibing amounts that once would have pickled my innards. One summer weekend I finished an entire case of Heineken. My wife and I couldn’t figure out where the beer had gone until we realized that I’d drunk it all.
Does a case mean something different for this writer than my understanding of it as 24 bottles?
posted by wyndham at 12:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Does a case mean something different for this writer than my understanding of it as 24 bottles?
posted by wyndham at 12:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Via the comments from The Toast, an earlier piece of writing by Giraldi:,
It's basically George Costanza with an MFA. It makes me cringe, but I can't look away.
posted by empath at 12:43 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
It's basically George Costanza with an MFA. It makes me cringe, but I can't look away.
posted by empath at 12:43 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
The part I don't get is where he realizes other men aren't this assholish, but he keeps up the same behavior.
Every couple I know where both members have gotten parental leave did some kind of staggered arrangement. Good for them, and boo on this ass for thinking his behavior is either acceptable or common.
posted by nat at 12:45 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Every couple I know where both members have gotten parental leave did some kind of staggered arrangement. Good for them, and boo on this ass for thinking his behavior is either acceptable or common.
posted by nat at 12:45 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Also how is "workload reduction" a euphemism?
You'd usually only use that phrase for a partial reduction, like a release from teaching one but not all of your usual courses that semester, not a full leave. Not to say that Giraldi isn't also projecting some shitty gender politics there — of course he is.
posted by RogerB at 12:45 PM on January 6, 2015
You'd usually only use that phrase for a partial reduction, like a release from teaching one but not all of your usual courses that semester, not a full leave. Not to say that Giraldi isn't also projecting some shitty gender politics there — of course he is.
posted by RogerB at 12:45 PM on January 6, 2015
My hate could kindle suns.
posted by kyrademon at 12:47 PM on January 6, 2015 [22 favorites]
posted by kyrademon at 12:47 PM on January 6, 2015 [22 favorites]
So, how long do you think until this jag responds "oh you just didn't get it"?
posted by everybody had matching towels at 12:49 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by everybody had matching towels at 12:49 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
Every couple I know where both members have gotten parental leave did some kind of staggered arrangement.
Well, the kid was born in March and his leave started in May, so that sounds staggered to me, if his wife spent March-May home before his leave started.
posted by jillithd at 12:49 PM on January 6, 2015
Well, the kid was born in March and his leave started in May, so that sounds staggered to me, if his wife spent March-May home before his leave started.
posted by jillithd at 12:49 PM on January 6, 2015
He's like GuyInYourMFA but in real life. Too real.
posted by kmz at 12:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by kmz at 12:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
When you furiously point at the guy saying "asshole", and the piece to me appears to be the guy pointing at himself and shouting "asshole," some essential element of the fingerwagging appears to me to be short circuited, i suppose the contradiction part.
His substance abuse problem was different because of how self-aware he was. “I’m making a bad decision,” he said, and then made a bad decision, but no one could say anything about it because he’d already explained that he was making a bad decision.posted by kagredon at 12:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [22 favorites]
I'm reading everything this guy writes in a My Fair Lady Rex Harrison voice for some reason
posted by The Whelk at 12:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 12:52 PM on January 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
So, he's complaining about paternity leave because it gives him too much free time and he'd rather be working. Talk about nice problems to have. And if Busy Monsters is the novel that he spent the time writing, Amazon reviews for it are pretty mixed.
posted by Rangi at 12:53 PM on January 6, 2015
posted by Rangi at 12:53 PM on January 6, 2015
There's a certain variety of asshole who is aware of their assholery, but views it as a fascinating fatal flaw rather than a mundane, obnoxious pattern of behaviors that leaves real people cleaning up the mess. They may hate themselves for it, but self-loathing is more interesting (to them) and has more literary merit than responsibility. It's the difference between "I fucked up" and "I'm a fuckup." I get the feeling William Giraldi is one of these fuckups.
As for baby shit, if a genie told me, "I can get your baby to sleep eight uninterrupted hours every night, but you must clean all his turds with your bare hands," I would take that deal in a heartbeat.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:57 PM on January 6, 2015 [56 favorites]
As for baby shit, if a genie told me, "I can get your baby to sleep eight uninterrupted hours every night, but you must clean all his turds with your bare hands," I would take that deal in a heartbeat.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:57 PM on January 6, 2015 [56 favorites]
My husband stayed home with our kid and did the heavy lifting when I went back to work. And he had to put up with people either assuming he was baby-illiterate or possibly a child molester or abductor (seriously).
So I'm pretty sure he'd feel a serious need to strangle this guy. I certainly do, on his behalf.
posted by emjaybee at 12:58 PM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
So I'm pretty sure he'd feel a serious need to strangle this guy. I certainly do, on his behalf.
posted by emjaybee at 12:58 PM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
As a guy who took paternity leave, I don't feel the need to strangle the guy, but I do feel a little pissed because it's hard enough getting The Man to take paternity leave seriously without assholes writing "comedy" pieces about how men will just waste it on drinking and the writing of mediocre novels, better to leave child-rearing to the ladies, amirite fellas?
I do feel a little sorry for him, though. He might be exaggerating for comic effect, but it sounds like he missed out on a lot. Being the primary caretaker is hard but it has some rewards that you don't find anywhere else (in my experience).
posted by No-sword at 1:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [36 favorites]
I do feel a little sorry for him, though. He might be exaggerating for comic effect, but it sounds like he missed out on a lot. Being the primary caretaker is hard but it has some rewards that you don't find anywhere else (in my experience).
posted by No-sword at 1:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [36 favorites]
Also that excerpt about how it's good to have an Asian wife who dotes on the male members of her family and has no ambition beyond motherhood is really creepy and fetishizing and racist.
To add a little detail to that: as Chinese-American lady married to a white dude, it's straight-up horrifying to me because there is so, so, so little in either piece about his wife's cultural identity.
Like, there is a lot of cultural events that happen around birth in Chinese/Taiwanese families. Did Katie's mom, like most Chinese/Taiwanese mothers, show up in the last few months of the pregnancy to help out and make sure that Katie was drinking the proper, vile-tasting traditional teas brewed in a traditional clay pot? It doesn't sound like it. Was there a discussion about having family members come to stay for a multi-month long housekeeping/babysitting assist, as is customary? Did Katie want her mom to come up? Did they to postpone the full-moon banquet, which is a traditional Chinese/Taiwanese thing that happens to celebrate the first month of a baby's life, and is usually a waaaay bigger deal than the first birthday? When the kid got sick, was there a lot of regret on the grandparents' part at not putting more incense in front of a household statue/shrine of the Guanyin Bodhisvatta?
I mean, I get that isn't either essay. I get that his wife might have a complicated relationship with her culture. She might have a complicated relationship with the extended-family network of lady relatives that swings into action for a precious first-born baby boy. Katie might be really Americanized. [Insert joke about how she must be, because no proper Asian parents would let their daughter be a SCULPTOR.]
But no, the only time that Katie's ethnic background/culture comes up is, y'know. How being Taiwanese somehow makes her an adoring wonderful subservient perfect mother who has no ambitions besides being a mother, and that's such a great thing, isn't it? Not like those terrible white women who demand their partners do half the work!
Christ, what an asshole.
posted by joyceanmachine at 1:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [118 favorites]
To add a little detail to that: as Chinese-American lady married to a white dude, it's straight-up horrifying to me because there is so, so, so little in either piece about his wife's cultural identity.
Like, there is a lot of cultural events that happen around birth in Chinese/Taiwanese families. Did Katie's mom, like most Chinese/Taiwanese mothers, show up in the last few months of the pregnancy to help out and make sure that Katie was drinking the proper, vile-tasting traditional teas brewed in a traditional clay pot? It doesn't sound like it. Was there a discussion about having family members come to stay for a multi-month long housekeeping/babysitting assist, as is customary? Did Katie want her mom to come up? Did they to postpone the full-moon banquet, which is a traditional Chinese/Taiwanese thing that happens to celebrate the first month of a baby's life, and is usually a waaaay bigger deal than the first birthday? When the kid got sick, was there a lot of regret on the grandparents' part at not putting more incense in front of a household statue/shrine of the Guanyin Bodhisvatta?
I mean, I get that isn't either essay. I get that his wife might have a complicated relationship with her culture. She might have a complicated relationship with the extended-family network of lady relatives that swings into action for a precious first-born baby boy. Katie might be really Americanized. [Insert joke about how she must be, because no proper Asian parents would let their daughter be a SCULPTOR.]
But no, the only time that Katie's ethnic background/culture comes up is, y'know. How being Taiwanese somehow makes her an adoring wonderful subservient perfect mother who has no ambitions besides being a mother, and that's such a great thing, isn't it? Not like those terrible white women who demand their partners do half the work!
Christ, what an asshole.
posted by joyceanmachine at 1:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [118 favorites]
Meanwhile, in the real world, all the fathers of young children I knew among my cow-orkers, friends, family, pitch in with raising their kids and doing their share of the household chores. Men working four or even three day weeks to be with their children is common and unremarked upon.
So don't be too despondent when reading this; this is just a dick being dickish.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
So don't be too despondent when reading this; this is just a dick being dickish.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:10 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Honestly, the thing quoted upthread where he talks about his wife, who is Asian, in comparison to his friend's wife, who is white....that was really fucking creepy. I assume that he just doesn't grasp that he sounds like your classic racist white Asian fetishist, because I assume that no one known to the Baffler is actually totally skeevy and gross, and I assume that his marriage is based on a solid intellectual partnership, respect, etc. It is still so gross that he thinks all this stuff is cute and funny. Like seriously, where does he get off with his "my Asian wife loves to do domestic stuff and is a good mother and doesn't get in the way of intellectual endeavors, unlike my friend's white wife who is making his hair go grey"?
posted by Frowner at 1:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [46 favorites]
posted by Frowner at 1:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [46 favorites]
He should have done the responsible thing and married another lazy self-regarding drunk!
Does a case mean something different for this writer than my understanding of it as 24 bottles?
I have to admit I caught that too. Even his alkie cred is suspect.
posted by atoxyl at 1:12 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Does a case mean something different for this writer than my understanding of it as 24 bottles?
I have to admit I caught that too. Even his alkie cred is suspect.
posted by atoxyl at 1:12 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
God, I hope his wife divorces him. He sounds completely miserable to live with, on top of being an enormous asshole; second shift does not even begin to cover it.
posted by sciatrix at 1:12 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by sciatrix at 1:12 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I mean, how can you think it's acceptable to sit on your ass and do nothing to help your partner while there's a goddamn newborn in the house
posted by sciatrix at 1:13 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by sciatrix at 1:13 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
"my Asian wife loves to do domestic stuff and is a good mother and doesn't get in the way of intellectual endeavors, unlike my friend's white wife who is making his hair go grey"?
He probably thinks this is being progressive. He's not racist, he loves Asian women.
posted by empath at 1:14 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
He probably thinks this is being progressive. He's not racist, he loves Asian women.
posted by empath at 1:14 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
Another Toast commenter points out an easily missed detail:
The birth of his SECOND child. SECOND CHILD. "BEFORE THE GESTATION OF MY SECOND SON." THERE WAS ANOTHER CHILD IN THAT HOME.posted by Iridic at 1:17 PM on January 6, 2015 [55 favorites]
SECOND. CHILD.
> I mean, how can you think it's acceptable to sit on your ass and do nothing to help your partner while there's a goddamn newborn in the house
Well, what's the problem? It was his workload reduction, not his wife's. Clearly she should've applied for her own workload reduction if she didn't want to do 100% of the child rearing.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:20 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]
Well, what's the problem? It was his workload reduction, not his wife's. Clearly she should've applied for her own workload reduction if she didn't want to do 100% of the child rearing.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:20 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]
William Giraldi Wishes Everyone Would Please Stop Likening Him To A Literary Genius
posted by cooker girl at 1:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by cooker girl at 1:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
How Come No One Celebrates My Alcoholism Like John Cheever's?
Ha ha. My very first thought when I saw this was "I think the position of John Cheever has been filled, dude."
Sorry, no. The position of Ray Carver has been filled too.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Ha ha. My very first thought when I saw this was "I think the position of John Cheever has been filled, dude."
Sorry, no. The position of Ray Carver has been filled too.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I can never keep those guys straight, Cheever Johnston and Ray Irving and all those mid-century short story masters
posted by thelonius at 1:56 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 1:56 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
"The gelid wilds of Alaska." Oh my God. Paging Edward Bulwer Lytton.
posted by blucevalo at 2:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by blucevalo at 2:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm a type A workaholic who refused to ever admit it when work was overwhelming and I just put my head down and got the shit done eventually, dammit. This is the way I do things.
We now have an 8 week old daughter. Sometimes my husband is like "Would you like me to take baby Olinerd for a walk while you nap?" and I say "nah it's okay I don't need sleep there's things to do" and then he says "Honey, take a nap. I'm taking baby Olinerd for a walk." And then I sleep the sleep of the dead because of course I wanted a fucking nap, I just couldn't admit it.
So basically fuck this guy and his "awe" of his "superhuman" wife. I bet he's that guy who after a dinner party at your house, unwillingly offers to help with the dishes, and when you graciously decline he says "okay!" and quickly retreats to the other room with a drink.
posted by olinerd at 2:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [35 favorites]
We now have an 8 week old daughter. Sometimes my husband is like "Would you like me to take baby Olinerd for a walk while you nap?" and I say "nah it's okay I don't need sleep there's things to do" and then he says "Honey, take a nap. I'm taking baby Olinerd for a walk." And then I sleep the sleep of the dead because of course I wanted a fucking nap, I just couldn't admit it.
So basically fuck this guy and his "awe" of his "superhuman" wife. I bet he's that guy who after a dinner party at your house, unwillingly offers to help with the dishes, and when you graciously decline he says "okay!" and quickly retreats to the other room with a drink.
posted by olinerd at 2:00 PM on January 6, 2015 [35 favorites]
It's pretty weird that eighteen years from now, these kids are going to google their dad, come across this MeFi post, then tell at their parents about it.
posted by oceanjesse at 2:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by oceanjesse at 2:04 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
offers to help with the dishes, and when you graciously decline he says "okay!"
This kind of seems like an ok interaction, I would think.
posted by oceanjesse at 2:07 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
This kind of seems like an ok interaction, I would think.
posted by oceanjesse at 2:07 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
This guy sounds exactly like the type of creep that would date/marry an Asian woman because he feels like she's more likely to adhere to a patriarchal system that protects the prerogatives of males to be useless shifty layabouts. It's more than vaguely racist, it seems to be a mark of pride that his wife has no life objectives other than being a mother while his poor friend has to suffer through a career obsessed wife who is incidentally not Asian.
I understand that some authors take on asshole personalities to get famous for being notorious douchebags but this guy seems to actually be one in reality. And the really tragic thing is that he seems so self satisfied that he's more progressive than some 50s era Family Sitcom stereotype. I mean he actually helps out with the child on occasion how positively enlightened he is.
posted by vuron at 2:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
I understand that some authors take on asshole personalities to get famous for being notorious douchebags but this guy seems to actually be one in reality. And the really tragic thing is that he seems so self satisfied that he's more progressive than some 50s era Family Sitcom stereotype. I mean he actually helps out with the child on occasion how positively enlightened he is.
posted by vuron at 2:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
Oceanjesse - it can be. Except for the reluctant offer and eager escape. Sound genuine, or at least stay in the kitchen and talk to me while I clean up! Don't just ask out of reluctant obligation!
posted by olinerd at 2:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by olinerd at 2:11 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Giraldi imagines himself the awkward, yet stalwart hero of an Updike story:
"The lack of recall almost frightened him. Did he help the kids with their homework? He must have. Did he and Alissa ever go grocery shopping together? He had no image of it. The beds, how had they got made, and the meals, how had they got onto the table for twenty-two years? Alissa must have done it all, somehow, while he was reading the sports page. Having the babies, now such a momentous rite of New Age togetherness and unembarrassed body-worship, was something else she had done alone, in the hospital, without complication or much complaint afterwards. The baby just appeared in a basket beside her bed, or at her breast, and in a few days he drove the two of them home, two where there had been one, a doubling of persons like a magic trick whose secret was too quick for the eye. The last childbirth, Don did remember, came on a winter midnight, and the obstetrician, awakened, had swung by in his car for her, and she had looked up smiling from the snowy street, like a Christmas caroller, and disappeared into the doctor's two-tone Buick. Left alone with the residue of their children, he had been jittery, he remembered, and convinced that a burglar or crazed invader, sensing his family's moment of being vulnerably torn asunder, was in the big creaky house with him; Don had fallen asleep only after taking a golf club -- a three-iron, in preference to a slower-swinging wood -- into bed with him, for protection."
posted by blucevalo at 2:26 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]
"The lack of recall almost frightened him. Did he help the kids with their homework? He must have. Did he and Alissa ever go grocery shopping together? He had no image of it. The beds, how had they got made, and the meals, how had they got onto the table for twenty-two years? Alissa must have done it all, somehow, while he was reading the sports page. Having the babies, now such a momentous rite of New Age togetherness and unembarrassed body-worship, was something else she had done alone, in the hospital, without complication or much complaint afterwards. The baby just appeared in a basket beside her bed, or at her breast, and in a few days he drove the two of them home, two where there had been one, a doubling of persons like a magic trick whose secret was too quick for the eye. The last childbirth, Don did remember, came on a winter midnight, and the obstetrician, awakened, had swung by in his car for her, and she had looked up smiling from the snowy street, like a Christmas caroller, and disappeared into the doctor's two-tone Buick. Left alone with the residue of their children, he had been jittery, he remembered, and convinced that a burglar or crazed invader, sensing his family's moment of being vulnerably torn asunder, was in the big creaky house with him; Don had fallen asleep only after taking a golf club -- a three-iron, in preference to a slower-swinging wood -- into bed with him, for protection."
posted by blucevalo at 2:26 PM on January 6, 2015 [17 favorites]
Oh, Mallory Ortberg :::hearteyes::: you had me at "rearrange the cat".
C'mon. "Grease the washer" is hysterical.
posted by jonp72 at 2:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
C'mon. "Grease the washer" is hysterical.
posted by jonp72 at 2:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Okay, the university made me sign a document that swore I’d be incurring more than 50 percent of parental duties.
I looked up their policy and to be eligible for this leave the employee must be becoming a primary carer. God, I hope someone at his university reads this and makes him return all the pay he received while on 'paternity leave'. Or fires him, although then his poor wife and kids would have to deal with him drunk underfoot all day.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 2:48 PM on January 6, 2015 [50 favorites]
I looked up their policy and to be eligible for this leave the employee must be becoming a primary carer. God, I hope someone at his university reads this and makes him return all the pay he received while on 'paternity leave'. Or fires him, although then his poor wife and kids would have to deal with him drunk underfoot all day.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 2:48 PM on January 6, 2015 [50 favorites]
Oh god "with an aptitude that astounds me" like his wife is some kind of math-performing horse OH GOD.
Count me in with the Toast commenter who wants to make this dude's shiftless ass her deadlifting goal for the year.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:28 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
Count me in with the Toast commenter who wants to make this dude's shiftless ass her deadlifting goal for the year.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:28 PM on January 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
I have to admit I caught that too. Even his alkie cred is suspect.
Well, okay, 24 beers in a day is a fair number for two days, if that's what he meant. But he's got a long way to go if he wants to impress Cheever or Carver or Fitzgerald or your average frat guy.
Sorry, this is perhaps not the subject at hand but I don't feel compelled to pile on because Ms. Ortberg already thoroughly took him apart and let the little screws roll under the dryer.
posted by atoxyl at 3:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Well, okay, 24 beers in a day is a fair number for two days, if that's what he meant. But he's got a long way to go if he wants to impress Cheever or Carver or Fitzgerald or your average frat guy.
Sorry, this is perhaps not the subject at hand but I don't feel compelled to pile on because Ms. Ortberg already thoroughly took him apart and let the little screws roll under the dryer.
posted by atoxyl at 3:29 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Water-y low proof Henieneken to boot.
posted by The Whelk at 3:35 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 3:35 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Well, okay, 24 beers in a day is a fair number for two days
That's not what I mean either but you know what I mean and I swear I have not in fact had any beers in this day.
posted by atoxyl at 3:36 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
That's not what I mean either but you know what I mean and I swear I have not in fact had any beers in this day.
posted by atoxyl at 3:36 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
(I mean, at the cabin I'd usually have roughly a beer an hour all while fixing plumbing, chopping wood, cooking three big meals, keeping the deck clear of pine needles, and hour long trips to the local store on bike for supplies and yet more beer.)
posted by The Whelk at 3:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 3:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Wow. Over here, all parents get 9 months parental leave - 3 months for the moms, 3 for the dads, and 3 to split between them. My three months seemed to take place in the eye of an insomniac hurricane. First child, and no relatives to offer support, dealing with a social welfare system outlined in a language we could sort of understand but not on a legalese level, there was constant work to be done those first 9 months.
And truthfully, it was one of the best times in my life. I don't think parenthood is imbued with some holy aura or anything, but there is something truly rewarding about taking an active role in the development of a new human being that you brought into the world, taking part in the most crucial stages of its development. I can't describe the happiness I felt during this time. It was incredible.
In short, I pity this self-absorbed alcoholic blowhard for depriving himself of that kind of joy, as much as I loathe the neglect and coldness he showed his wife and child.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 3:41 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
And truthfully, it was one of the best times in my life. I don't think parenthood is imbued with some holy aura or anything, but there is something truly rewarding about taking an active role in the development of a new human being that you brought into the world, taking part in the most crucial stages of its development. I can't describe the happiness I felt during this time. It was incredible.
In short, I pity this self-absorbed alcoholic blowhard for depriving himself of that kind of joy, as much as I loathe the neglect and coldness he showed his wife and child.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 3:41 PM on January 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Water-y low proof Henieneken to boot.
If you're going to diss Heineken (which I'm fine with because let's face it, it's horse piss, and the export version is likely worse not better) at least spell it Heineken.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:52 PM on January 6, 2015
If you're going to diss Heineken (which I'm fine with because let's face it, it's horse piss, and the export version is likely worse not better) at least spell it Heineken.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:52 PM on January 6, 2015
(Wait I also finished a big chunk of a novella at the cabin so yeah)
posted by The Whelk at 3:59 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 3:59 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Christ, what an asshole. Ortberg's parody was spot on, too.
My spouse and I had our kids back before the idea of parental leave got any traction at all. I had c-sections, so my Mom came and helped for a the first week or so, my husband took off a couple of vacation days, and then we just had to make do.
Still, my spouse was always very involved with everything, from feeding to diaper changing, because this was our child and he didn't want to miss out on any more than he had to.
I remember, when our second was born, I went into labor early before the emergency C (footling breech child), so we called our neighbor in a panic to watch our not quite two year-old during the birth, and then my spouse went home to take over until grandma could get there. He comes back to the hospital first thing in the morning, sleep deprived but anxious to see how we were doing. Firstborn had been bathed, fed and my spouse had even dressed him up to meet his new brother in his little outfit with the bow tie.
I was marveling, because I knew my husband couldn't have gotten much sleep at all. He's holding firstborn, beaming proudly at Mama and the newborn, and after a while I am thinking, wow, I bet firstborn is getting heavy, surprised he hasn't put him down yet to take the baby from me...
That's when I realized my husband couldn't put firstborn down because, in his exhaustion, he had forgotten shoes and socks entirely and the little guy was all dressed up with bare feet.
It was adorable. He's a great Dad.
This guy Giraldi needs a whack over the head with a clue stick.
posted by misha at 4:14 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]
My spouse and I had our kids back before the idea of parental leave got any traction at all. I had c-sections, so my Mom came and helped for a the first week or so, my husband took off a couple of vacation days, and then we just had to make do.
Still, my spouse was always very involved with everything, from feeding to diaper changing, because this was our child and he didn't want to miss out on any more than he had to.
I remember, when our second was born, I went into labor early before the emergency C (footling breech child), so we called our neighbor in a panic to watch our not quite two year-old during the birth, and then my spouse went home to take over until grandma could get there. He comes back to the hospital first thing in the morning, sleep deprived but anxious to see how we were doing. Firstborn had been bathed, fed and my spouse had even dressed him up to meet his new brother in his little outfit with the bow tie.
I was marveling, because I knew my husband couldn't have gotten much sleep at all. He's holding firstborn, beaming proudly at Mama and the newborn, and after a while I am thinking, wow, I bet firstborn is getting heavy, surprised he hasn't put him down yet to take the baby from me...
That's when I realized my husband couldn't put firstborn down because, in his exhaustion, he had forgotten shoes and socks entirely and the little guy was all dressed up with bare feet.
It was adorable. He's a great Dad.
This guy Giraldi needs a whack over the head with a clue stick.
posted by misha at 4:14 PM on January 6, 2015 [15 favorites]
I'm completely amazed that people read the piece and hear it as anything other than self-loathing. Thunderstruck, really.
I said this on Twitter, and I guess it bears repeating here: I am a bigger asshole than William Girardi can ever aspire to be, because I really am crassly unapologetic about my personal failings. In fact, much of the time I am totally oblivious of them and am thus incapable of practicing this sort of public confessional. I suppose, given my clear divergence from majority interpretation on this, the artist's goal of drawing opprobrium has been met.
posted by mwhybark at 4:53 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I said this on Twitter, and I guess it bears repeating here: I am a bigger asshole than William Girardi can ever aspire to be, because I really am crassly unapologetic about my personal failings. In fact, much of the time I am totally oblivious of them and am thus incapable of practicing this sort of public confessional. I suppose, given my clear divergence from majority interpretation on this, the artist's goal of drawing opprobrium has been met.
posted by mwhybark at 4:53 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
rearrange the cat
I know I have seen that phrase before in humor essays, though a google search mostly returns this article plus a link to a book where "the coyote paused to rearrange the cat in its jaws."
This piece is a great example of humor where the joke is really clear, and yet not very funny. In reality he might have been a fantastic and engaged father, but the fact that he thinks that jokes about being a shitty father who is proud of having a subservient Asian wife are funny tells me that he is a raging asshole.
That said, I didn't find the response article funny either, so maybe my sense of humor is lacking.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:03 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I know I have seen that phrase before in humor essays, though a google search mostly returns this article plus a link to a book where "the coyote paused to rearrange the cat in its jaws."
This piece is a great example of humor where the joke is really clear, and yet not very funny. In reality he might have been a fantastic and engaged father, but the fact that he thinks that jokes about being a shitty father who is proud of having a subservient Asian wife are funny tells me that he is a raging asshole.
That said, I didn't find the response article funny either, so maybe my sense of humor is lacking.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:03 PM on January 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I said this on Twitter, and I guess it bears repeating here: I am a bigger asshole than William Girardi can ever aspire to be, because I really am crassly unapologetic about my personal failings. In fact, much of the time I am totally oblivious of them and am thus incapable of practicing this sort of public confessional. I suppose, given my clear divergence from majority interpretation on this, the artist's goal of drawing opprobrium has been met.
I guess what I don't really get about your interpretation is why we are meant to find Girardi's "self-loathing" (if that it is indeed what it is) interesting when it's really very ordinary, boring stuff: overeducated dude who is (conveniently) completely helpless in the face of what is traditionally considered women's work. If he meant it to be satirical, well...congratulations to him on discovering an overused network sitcom joke.
Also being "crassly unapologetic" about your personal failings implies that you understand that you have something to be apologetic about, which is why it's weird that you equate it with ignorance of one's own failings.
posted by kagredon at 5:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [24 favorites]
I guess what I don't really get about your interpretation is why we are meant to find Girardi's "self-loathing" (if that it is indeed what it is) interesting when it's really very ordinary, boring stuff: overeducated dude who is (conveniently) completely helpless in the face of what is traditionally considered women's work. If he meant it to be satirical, well...congratulations to him on discovering an overused network sitcom joke.
Also being "crassly unapologetic" about your personal failings implies that you understand that you have something to be apologetic about, which is why it's weird that you equate it with ignorance of one's own failings.
posted by kagredon at 5:19 PM on January 6, 2015 [24 favorites]
interesting when it's really very ordinary, boring stuff: overeducated dude who is (conveniently) completely helpless in the face of what is traditionally considered women's work.
Which was, if I remember right, the plot of Mr. Mom, which was considered dated even in its time.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Which was, if I remember right, the plot of Mr. Mom, which was considered dated even in its time.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:37 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Here's the closely kept secret about newborn baby shit:
It doesn't smell that bad.
Once the baby's a bit older, and is eating actual food, instead of just milk, the shit starts to smell more like conventional feces. But a newborn's diet consists entirely of milk, and its shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice.
No, seriously. And I'm not talking some sort of funky rice, or rice cooked in some funky way. It smells like freshly steamed short-grain white rice. To the extent that both my wife and I had multiple experiences (even on days where we were fully rested and not sleep deprived) where 1) we mistook the smell of baby poop for rice, and 2) we mistook the smell of rice for baby poop. And that happened with both of our kids, so I doubt it was just an individual quirk of body chemistry.
But that doesn't make for comedic exaggeration. It's more 'funny' to pretend that baby poop is particularly noxious or toxic; that it's like nuclear waste. It's a similar phenomenon to where someone hears a so-so album or sees a so-so movie and says it was like "having blazing hot needles stabbed through their ears" or "they'd rather have all their skin peeled off with a cheese grater dipped in vinegar than watch another second of the movie". That exaggeration makes for better 'comedy' than the prosaic reality of "the album was ok, but I got kinda bored halfway through the second song" or "the movie kinda dragged, and the acting was a bit wooden".
I think the "omigod baby poop is horrible" thing is half 'comedy' and half a smokescreen used by lazy people to justify their wanting to avoid diaper duty. After all, "Baby poop is noxious and rancid and horrible and nightmarish, and that's why I don't want to change the diapers" makes the speaker come off marginally better than the truth: "Baby poop is no big deal but I am really fucking lazy, and that's why I don't want to change the diapers".
posted by Bugbread at 5:42 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
It doesn't smell that bad.
Once the baby's a bit older, and is eating actual food, instead of just milk, the shit starts to smell more like conventional feces. But a newborn's diet consists entirely of milk, and its shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice.
No, seriously. And I'm not talking some sort of funky rice, or rice cooked in some funky way. It smells like freshly steamed short-grain white rice. To the extent that both my wife and I had multiple experiences (even on days where we were fully rested and not sleep deprived) where 1) we mistook the smell of baby poop for rice, and 2) we mistook the smell of rice for baby poop. And that happened with both of our kids, so I doubt it was just an individual quirk of body chemistry.
But that doesn't make for comedic exaggeration. It's more 'funny' to pretend that baby poop is particularly noxious or toxic; that it's like nuclear waste. It's a similar phenomenon to where someone hears a so-so album or sees a so-so movie and says it was like "having blazing hot needles stabbed through their ears" or "they'd rather have all their skin peeled off with a cheese grater dipped in vinegar than watch another second of the movie". That exaggeration makes for better 'comedy' than the prosaic reality of "the album was ok, but I got kinda bored halfway through the second song" or "the movie kinda dragged, and the acting was a bit wooden".
I think the "omigod baby poop is horrible" thing is half 'comedy' and half a smokescreen used by lazy people to justify their wanting to avoid diaper duty. After all, "Baby poop is noxious and rancid and horrible and nightmarish, and that's why I don't want to change the diapers" makes the speaker come off marginally better than the truth: "Baby poop is no big deal but I am really fucking lazy, and that's why I don't want to change the diapers".
posted by Bugbread at 5:42 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Toddler poop, on the other hand...
But still I'd take it over crying.
posted by Artw at 6:22 PM on January 6, 2015
But still I'd take it over crying.
posted by Artw at 6:22 PM on January 6, 2015
Even baby puke isn't that bad. It smells like yogurt! The real kind, not that white pudding with jam on the bottom.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:28 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm completely amazed that people read the piece and hear it as anything other than self-loathing
Self loathing? He takes absolutely no responsibility, acting like it was just something that mysteriously arrived and mysteriously went away. What's self-loathing is me for going back and reading it again just to confirm that. The most optimistic reading I can come up with is that the essay is a joke in poor taste that offends the reader for assuming we're laughing.
posted by bleep at 6:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Self loathing? He takes absolutely no responsibility, acting like it was just something that mysteriously arrived and mysteriously went away. What's self-loathing is me for going back and reading it again just to confirm that. The most optimistic reading I can come up with is that the essay is a joke in poor taste that offends the reader for assuming we're laughing.
posted by bleep at 6:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Also being "crassly unapologetic" about your personal failings implies that you understand that you have something to be apologetic about, which is why it's weird that you equate it with ignorance of one's own failings.
well, you know, i *am* an asshole. but not one that feels i should be apologetic about it, at least for the purposes of this thread. if nothing else, i have had my own differing perceptions validated, which I suppose is the point of recognizing a perceptual and therefore social gap.
posted by mwhybark at 6:41 PM on January 6, 2015
well, you know, i *am* an asshole. but not one that feels i should be apologetic about it, at least for the purposes of this thread. if nothing else, i have had my own differing perceptions validated, which I suppose is the point of recognizing a perceptual and therefore social gap.
posted by mwhybark at 6:41 PM on January 6, 2015
Truthfully, I applaud your generosity in your reading. It's not a generosity I share, but I think it at least indicates you might not be a complete asshole, anyway.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:44 PM on January 6, 2015
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 6:44 PM on January 6, 2015
mwhybark: "well, you know, i *am* an asshole. but not one that feels i should be apologetic about it"
I think the point being made is that you say that you're totally oblivious of them, but that you're unapologetic, and an asshole. If you were oblivious, you wouldn't know that you were being an asshole, and you wouldn't know that there is something that other people think you should be apologetic about.
Practically speaking, though, I'm just assuming you're saying that you are oblivious, and do things that you don't even realize that other people would want you to apologize for, but that even when those things are pointed out to you, you still don't apologize, hence you are an asshole.
posted by Bugbread at 6:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I think the point being made is that you say that you're totally oblivious of them, but that you're unapologetic, and an asshole. If you were oblivious, you wouldn't know that you were being an asshole, and you wouldn't know that there is something that other people think you should be apologetic about.
Practically speaking, though, I'm just assuming you're saying that you are oblivious, and do things that you don't even realize that other people would want you to apologize for, but that even when those things are pointed out to you, you still don't apologize, hence you are an asshole.
posted by Bugbread at 6:46 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
But a newborn's diet consists entirely of milk, and its shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice.
Well, I don't know what kind of weirdo babies you had, but my kid's breastmilk shit smelled exactly like: microwave popcorn. I did have the same experience of genuinely thinking one was the other, though.
I wonder if some of the bad press around baby crap comes from a time when babies weren't breastfed as much? Solid food baby shit is just like normal person shit, only smaller. According to the internet--and my mother's constant fear that I was starving my kid to death--it was common in the 50s, 60s, and 70s to start babies on solids at 3-4 WEEKS. You'd get hardly any popcorn-rice grace period at all.
(The changes over the past century are super interesting to me. http://www.jfhc.co.uk/introduction-of-solids-in-babies-at-risk-of-allergies/ My kid was born when the WHO "NO FOOD 'TIL SIX MONTHS" advice was gospel. My kid started snatching food off my plate around 4 months, and--I swear to god--I lied to people about it because I didn't want them to think I was a shitty mom. Those early months of motherhood kinda suck.)
posted by looli at 7:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
Well, I don't know what kind of weirdo babies you had, but my kid's breastmilk shit smelled exactly like: microwave popcorn. I did have the same experience of genuinely thinking one was the other, though.
I wonder if some of the bad press around baby crap comes from a time when babies weren't breastfed as much? Solid food baby shit is just like normal person shit, only smaller. According to the internet--and my mother's constant fear that I was starving my kid to death--it was common in the 50s, 60s, and 70s to start babies on solids at 3-4 WEEKS. You'd get hardly any popcorn-rice grace period at all.
(The changes over the past century are super interesting to me. http://www.jfhc.co.uk/introduction-of-solids-in-babies-at-risk-of-allergies/ My kid was born when the WHO "NO FOOD 'TIL SIX MONTHS" advice was gospel. My kid started snatching food off my plate around 4 months, and--I swear to god--I lied to people about it because I didn't want them to think I was a shitty mom. Those early months of motherhood kinda suck.)
posted by looli at 7:08 PM on January 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
May I add to this conversation that, as a female academic, I surely would like an extra - nine months, was it? - free, paid sabbatical to work on my research and projects at a nice, relaxed pace. Not only is Giraldi an apparent asshole to his wife and children, an apparent fetishizing racist, and offensive toward all decent men who at least attempt not to be bigots in his assumptions about the universality of his character flaws and personal failings; he's also perpetuating sexism in academia by taking professional advantage of his paternity leave while female academics almost never have time for professionally productive work during maternity leaves. 'Course, the quotes folks have posted from his other piece indicate that he views this as a positive feature. I second the hope that his university reads the Baffler piece and requests their money back.
posted by eviemath at 7:13 PM on January 6, 2015 [35 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 7:13 PM on January 6, 2015 [35 favorites]
sallybrown quoting the article: ""But let’s be honest: even in self-consciously progressive households, it’s a rare new father who does as much baby work as a new mother.""
That may be the case especially when mom is breastfeeding; but most new dads make up for it by doing lots of MOM-CARE WORK. My husband did maybe 1/3 of the baby care, because both of mine just wanted to eat ALL THE TIME their first few weeks so it was more on me; but he did all the taking care of ME and of the house and so on, cooking and cleaning and running errands and doing the endless laundry and so on, so I could just sit there and generate and dispense milk.
Bugbread: "But a newborn's diet consists entirely of milk, and its shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice."
I thought it smelled like popcorn! (PS, I couldn't eat popcorn for a year after.)
(It's really not the grossness of the poop; it's the massive, incessant quantity of it, and that even if it doesn't smell very bad, it's still unhygienic and has to be thoroughly cleaned up every. single. time.)
Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane: "Even baby puke isn't that bad. It smells like yogurt!"
I think it IS yogurt ... slightly acid-fermented milk!
Wait I have an idea for an etsy store brb
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:23 PM on January 6, 2015 [19 favorites]
That may be the case especially when mom is breastfeeding; but most new dads make up for it by doing lots of MOM-CARE WORK. My husband did maybe 1/3 of the baby care, because both of mine just wanted to eat ALL THE TIME their first few weeks so it was more on me; but he did all the taking care of ME and of the house and so on, cooking and cleaning and running errands and doing the endless laundry and so on, so I could just sit there and generate and dispense milk.
Bugbread: "But a newborn's diet consists entirely of milk, and its shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice."
I thought it smelled like popcorn! (PS, I couldn't eat popcorn for a year after.)
(It's really not the grossness of the poop; it's the massive, incessant quantity of it, and that even if it doesn't smell very bad, it's still unhygienic and has to be thoroughly cleaned up every. single. time.)
Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane: "Even baby puke isn't that bad. It smells like yogurt!"
I think it IS yogurt ... slightly acid-fermented milk!
Wait I have an idea for an etsy store brb
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:23 PM on January 6, 2015 [19 favorites]
One of my friends reported that her baby's poo smells like macaroni and cheese. My kid's splorches don't smell like anything edible, but they do come in an interesting variety of '70s decorator colors, particularly avocado green and harvest gold.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:39 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
i grossed out a friend of mine when she was a new mom by pointing out that drying baby spit up smells weirdly like too old bong water spills.
posted by nadawi at 8:24 PM on January 6, 2015
posted by nadawi at 8:24 PM on January 6, 2015
I still can't get past referring to your significant other as an "Asian woman born in Taiwan." In addition to the all the racism and ignorance about culture, Asian is functionally meaningless. This is the sort of asshole in a sci-fi scenario where gender is more developed who goes "My spouse is a female from Earth."
posted by halifix at 8:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by halifix at 8:33 PM on January 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
I got two weeks of baby time when my baby was born. 1 of them was all vacation time not PL. How you could not want to spend every waking minute celebrating the miracle that you have accidentally wrought with your genes by playing with or feeding or just staring gleefully at the kid makes no fucking sense to me. Like I seriously think this dude might not be human. He's like a slug or some shit.
Fuck I wish I had gotten even one more day of paternity leave. Give me your stupid job slug man.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [26 favorites]
Fuck I wish I had gotten even one more day of paternity leave. Give me your stupid job slug man.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:34 PM on January 6, 2015 [26 favorites]
Slugs, being hermaphrodites, probably have more interest in and sympathy for the child-rearing process than Giraldi.
But with this, his comments about his Asian wife, and his gleefully nasty review of Alix Ohlin's work probably contextualize this whole thing into something greater than "too busy pounding Heineken to change diapers".
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:44 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
But with this, his comments about his Asian wife, and his gleefully nasty review of Alix Ohlin's work probably contextualize this whole thing into something greater than "too busy pounding Heineken to change diapers".
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:44 PM on January 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
contextualize this whole thing into something greater than "too busy pounding Heineken to change diapers".
I was initially confused by that detail because I've finished a case of beer by myself in a weekend, but I knew damn well what had happened to it and approximately how much was left at any given time. Then I remembered that's because I live alone and was thus the only person who was making beer runs/stocking them in the fridge/getting them back out of the fridge, and it was pretty easy to keep track of how much there was.
so, you know, there's another thing that presumably was delegated to his wife.
posted by kagredon at 9:01 PM on January 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
I was initially confused by that detail because I've finished a case of beer by myself in a weekend, but I knew damn well what had happened to it and approximately how much was left at any given time. Then I remembered that's because I live alone and was thus the only person who was making beer runs/stocking them in the fridge/getting them back out of the fridge, and it was pretty easy to keep track of how much there was.
so, you know, there's another thing that presumably was delegated to his wife.
posted by kagredon at 9:01 PM on January 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
Bugbread: "[baby] shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice."
looli: "my kid's breastmilk shit smelled exactly like: microwave popcorn"
Eyebrows McGee: "I thought it smelled like popcorn"
I watched something on TV about how the same chemical that produced the nice fragrance of jasmine tea also produced the smell of (adult) feces. I wonder if, in a similar way, the smells of popcorn and cooked rice are both produced by an identical chemical.
posted by Bugbread at 9:05 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
looli: "my kid's breastmilk shit smelled exactly like: microwave popcorn"
Eyebrows McGee: "I thought it smelled like popcorn"
I watched something on TV about how the same chemical that produced the nice fragrance of jasmine tea also produced the smell of (adult) feces. I wonder if, in a similar way, the smells of popcorn and cooked rice are both produced by an identical chemical.
posted by Bugbread at 9:05 PM on January 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Sure the guy's a monster but I bet he never derails a conversation to discuss the odor of baby shit.
posted by um at 9:40 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by um at 9:40 PM on January 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
...because he's never actually smelled it before.
posted by Bugbread at 9:42 PM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Bugbread at 9:42 PM on January 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
My son was born in March, and my sabbatical went from early May to mid-January, which, in a tidy coincidence, is nearly nine months. But since his care was taken care of by his mother—whose apparent willingness and capacity to do almost everything for him flooded me with awe—I spent those nine months trying not to be bored while not writing a novel that was coming due.
Oh my gods, fuck you. Related: Can we elect Mallory Ortberg to be The Boss Of Everyone?
posted by desuetude at 11:36 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Oh my gods, fuck you. Related: Can we elect Mallory Ortberg to be The Boss Of Everyone?
posted by desuetude at 11:36 PM on January 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm completely amazed that people read the piece and hear it as anything other than self-loathing. Thunderstruck, really.
I said this on Twitter, and I guess it bears repeating here: I am a bigger asshole than William Girardi can ever aspire to be, because I really am crassly unapologetic about my personal failings. In fact, much of the time I am totally oblivious of them and am thus incapable of practicing this sort of public confessional. I suppose, given my clear divergence from majority interpretation on this, the artist's goal of drawing opprobrium has been met.
But the problem is from the article is it seems to be written in a way that suggests every house is the same as his, where he can't possibly help out enough around the house with their two children, and his wife just loves doing all the household chores and caring for their children sooo much that all he can possibly do is drink beer.
Re: baby poo, it's fine, you just deal with it. Especially as little babies politely sit there while you sort them out, as opposed to my 16 month old, who attempts to roll over and spread it everywhere. I mean, sure, a leaky nappy is not fun to deal with, but that's why you have buckets of water on stand by to soak everything in the world in.
posted by Cannon Fodder at 12:11 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
I said this on Twitter, and I guess it bears repeating here: I am a bigger asshole than William Girardi can ever aspire to be, because I really am crassly unapologetic about my personal failings. In fact, much of the time I am totally oblivious of them and am thus incapable of practicing this sort of public confessional. I suppose, given my clear divergence from majority interpretation on this, the artist's goal of drawing opprobrium has been met.
But the problem is from the article is it seems to be written in a way that suggests every house is the same as his, where he can't possibly help out enough around the house with their two children, and his wife just loves doing all the household chores and caring for their children sooo much that all he can possibly do is drink beer.
Re: baby poo, it's fine, you just deal with it. Especially as little babies politely sit there while you sort them out, as opposed to my 16 month old, who attempts to roll over and spread it everywhere. I mean, sure, a leaky nappy is not fun to deal with, but that's why you have buckets of water on stand by to soak everything in the world in.
posted by Cannon Fodder at 12:11 AM on January 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
24 bottles of Heineken consumed over a full weekend of long summer days that presumably runs Friday night - Sunday night will not impair your ability to do anything at all. In fact it will likely make you a more relaxed and effective parent. I used to read bedtime stories with all sorts of voices and acted-out bits when I'd had a few beers, rather than rush through them for the millionth time when sober.
I therefore conclude that this dude made most of it up, because he is a creative writing course type person.
posted by colie at 12:53 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
I therefore conclude that this dude made most of it up, because he is a creative writing course type person.
posted by colie at 12:53 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Does it matter whether he made it up? As has been pointed out in this thread, for so many reasons it is an exceptionally odious piece of writing regardless. The only reason I don't want to bleach my brain after reading it, is Mallory Ortberg ridiculing it so masterfully.
I mean how can I not be thankful for this:
I mean how can I not be thankful for this:
I have been forced by an evil wizard to watch the entire series run of Sons of Anarchy, through no fault of my own. Were I to lift my eyes from the Shakespearean machinations of a Californian biker and drug-smuggling family that loves as fiercely as they drug-smuggle for even a moment, I would surely turn to stone, and what good would I be to my child, or possibly children, then?posted by moody cow at 1:44 AM on January 7, 2015 [10 favorites]
Does it matter whether he made it up?
This family memoir stuff has got to be real IMO because everybody deserves to be cut some slack simply for opening up the truth, even if it's odious. Then we can approach it honestly with our own weaknesses in consideration. But if you're not honest about whether or not you're being honest, you've broken the terms of the deal with the reader from the start.
@FaaakeTweets is addictive for its work in exposing these cheaters.
posted by colie at 1:57 AM on January 7, 2015
This family memoir stuff has got to be real IMO because everybody deserves to be cut some slack simply for opening up the truth, even if it's odious. Then we can approach it honestly with our own weaknesses in consideration. But if you're not honest about whether or not you're being honest, you've broken the terms of the deal with the reader from the start.
@FaaakeTweets is addictive for its work in exposing these cheaters.
posted by colie at 1:57 AM on January 7, 2015
he's also perpetuating sexism in academia by taking professional advantage of his paternity leave while female academics almost never have time for professionally productive work during maternity leaves.
Truth. I had a book manuscript due during my maternity leave (meant to be in earlier, got an extension due to horrendous pregnancy illness, "hey how tough will it be babies nap for hours!"... oops). I have awful memories of one afternoon spent feeding and rocking the baby in one arm while trying to sort out Excel macros with the other hand, on three hours of sleep, sobbing the whole time.
My husband got two weeks of paternity leave followed by one week of annual leave and would have loved to have more. He did pretty much everything around the house while I was stuck on the couch feeding the baby for hours and hours and hours, shared the changes, the baths, the pacing-up-and-down-with-the-baby-in-a-sling-while-she-wailed-all-evening, and continued to do loads after going back to work - he was the one up with her at 3 o'clock this morning in the middle of teething hell. And even with all that support, I was (and am) still totally exhausted. I pity this poor man's wife.
And I can believe he's telling the truth, albeit edited-for-'comic'-effect. There are plenty of fathers like this and every parenting forum has posts from their miserable wives and girlfriends. Swap writing the Great American Novel for playing videogames or going out with their friends, but the underlying issue is the same: baby care is women's work, I am far too important to be any good at it, and my time and energy are sacred valuable things which must be preserved intact. That carefully-cultivated helplessness coming across in the line about leaving the diaperless infant on the antique couch while hungover - "no point leaving the baby with me, I'll just cause you even more work!" - is, sadly, not even rare.
posted by Catseye at 4:59 AM on January 7, 2015 [18 favorites]
Truth. I had a book manuscript due during my maternity leave (meant to be in earlier, got an extension due to horrendous pregnancy illness, "hey how tough will it be babies nap for hours!"... oops). I have awful memories of one afternoon spent feeding and rocking the baby in one arm while trying to sort out Excel macros with the other hand, on three hours of sleep, sobbing the whole time.
My husband got two weeks of paternity leave followed by one week of annual leave and would have loved to have more. He did pretty much everything around the house while I was stuck on the couch feeding the baby for hours and hours and hours, shared the changes, the baths, the pacing-up-and-down-with-the-baby-in-a-sling-while-she-wailed-all-evening, and continued to do loads after going back to work - he was the one up with her at 3 o'clock this morning in the middle of teething hell. And even with all that support, I was (and am) still totally exhausted. I pity this poor man's wife.
And I can believe he's telling the truth, albeit edited-for-'comic'-effect. There are plenty of fathers like this and every parenting forum has posts from their miserable wives and girlfriends. Swap writing the Great American Novel for playing videogames or going out with their friends, but the underlying issue is the same: baby care is women's work, I am far too important to be any good at it, and my time and energy are sacred valuable things which must be preserved intact. That carefully-cultivated helplessness coming across in the line about leaving the diaperless infant on the antique couch while hungover - "no point leaving the baby with me, I'll just cause you even more work!" - is, sadly, not even rare.
posted by Catseye at 4:59 AM on January 7, 2015 [18 favorites]
There are plenty of fathers like this and every parenting forum has posts from their miserable wives and girlfriends.
I was talking about kids with a coworker who is otherwise a fine person, and he proudly claimed to have changed only a couple diapers in his life, and even more proudly that he didn't let having kids impact his hobby time at all. (Unsurprisingly she divorced his dumb ass a few years down the line, though I don't think he sees any connection.)
So yes, I do think this is still surprisingly common, including plenty of men who know how to talk a certain language of equality but still find ways to structure their relationships inequitably.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:54 AM on January 7, 2015 [7 favorites]
I was talking about kids with a coworker who is otherwise a fine person, and he proudly claimed to have changed only a couple diapers in his life, and even more proudly that he didn't let having kids impact his hobby time at all. (Unsurprisingly she divorced his dumb ass a few years down the line, though I don't think he sees any connection.)
So yes, I do think this is still surprisingly common, including plenty of men who know how to talk a certain language of equality but still find ways to structure their relationships inequitably.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:54 AM on January 7, 2015 [7 favorites]
Once the baby's a bit older, and is eating actual food, instead of just milk, the shit starts to smell more like conventional feces. But a newborn's diet consists entirely of milk, and its shit smells exactly like: freshly cooked rice.
I always thought it smelled like buttered popcorn jelly bellies.
As a woman who is both the primary (but not sole) caretaker of her baby-almost-toddler and a writer who has desperately tried to keep her career afloat over the past year of babying, man, screw this guy.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:57 AM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]
I always thought it smelled like buttered popcorn jelly bellies.
As a woman who is both the primary (but not sole) caretaker of her baby-almost-toddler and a writer who has desperately tried to keep her career afloat over the past year of babying, man, screw this guy.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:57 AM on January 7, 2015 [5 favorites]
Metafilter: loves as fiercely as they drug-smuggle
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:58 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:58 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Catseye: "swap writing the Great American Novel for playing videogames or going out with their friends, but the underlying issue is the same: baby care is women's work"
Although if there is one thing newborn babies really love, it is console video games. You slouch on the couch with your XBox controller, rest baby on your shoulder, and kill a few hours killing things in Halo while the baby gets to sleep upright which is the OBVIOUS GOAL OF EVERY NEWBORN WHO REFUSES TO BE PUT DOWN. They like the rocking body movements as you memetically dodge around things and even the groans and squeals and sighs as you lose and start over. Turns dad into the closest thing to a womb (warm, rocking, heartbeating, periodically making noise). Excellent with spit-uppy babies who have uncomfortable digestion and really, really want to sleep upright for a week or two.
You just have to be willing to immediately drop the game when the baby wakes up, which is where the system sometimes breaks down.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:44 AM on January 7, 2015 [17 favorites]
Although if there is one thing newborn babies really love, it is console video games. You slouch on the couch with your XBox controller, rest baby on your shoulder, and kill a few hours killing things in Halo while the baby gets to sleep upright which is the OBVIOUS GOAL OF EVERY NEWBORN WHO REFUSES TO BE PUT DOWN. They like the rocking body movements as you memetically dodge around things and even the groans and squeals and sighs as you lose and start over. Turns dad into the closest thing to a womb (warm, rocking, heartbeating, periodically making noise). Excellent with spit-uppy babies who have uncomfortable digestion and really, really want to sleep upright for a week or two.
You just have to be willing to immediately drop the game when the baby wakes up, which is where the system sometimes breaks down.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:44 AM on January 7, 2015 [17 favorites]
I just finished Sleeping Dogs, the majority I played while bouncing our now 4 month old in a carrier against my chest. I can't remember the last time I finished a video game, but our 2.5 year old is mostly sleeping on her own now, so once she's asleep baby and I can do whatever we want! (which is mostly stare at each other, poop, bounce up and down, and sleep).
posted by ODiV at 9:02 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ODiV at 9:02 AM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Not just drunk, but stoned, too?": Lawyers, Guns & Money weighs in on the Giraldi piece.
posted by virago at 9:02 AM on January 7, 2015
posted by virago at 9:02 AM on January 7, 2015
LGM links to a critique of Giraldi's Alix Ohlin critique that's worth a click:
Giraldi’s most puzzling criticism of Ohlin’s language is that she uses the phrase “a dive bar.” He believes that “dive bar” is an example of Ohlin’s “at-hand language,” a category in which I can only assume he includes slothful words like “shoe” or “eye.” Ohlin chooses the phrase “dive bar” to describe a dive bar because that’s what it’s fucking called. Maybe Giraldi would prefer stories in which we discard the tired “dive bar” for “lugubrious libation shack,” where we change “shoe” to “foot vestibule” and “eye” to “face periscope.”posted by kagredon at 9:27 AM on January 7, 2015 [20 favorites]
In the same vein, there's this excellent piece from J. Robert Lennon that should be printed out and stapled to the cubicle wall of any reviewer.
There is a good way to write a bad review of another writer, and I don’t think Giraldi is doing it. Whatever the shortcomings of Ohlin’s work might be, his review does its reader a disservice — his glee at eviscerating Ohlin overshadows his analysis, and casts doubt on its veracity. It isn’t trustworthy, which makes it no more valuable than the kind of swooning puff pieces most critics write.posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:45 AM on January 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Wow, from the Toast comments:
He left the TV, he left his brew,
He made three paces through the room,
He saw the gleam of the vacuum,
He saw the dust pan and the broom,
He almost deigned to help her out.
Out flew the TV and floated wide;
The screen it cracked from side to side;
“The curse is come upon me,” cried
The Husband of Shalott.
posted by prefpara at 2:40 PM on January 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
He left the TV, he left his brew,
He made three paces through the room,
He saw the gleam of the vacuum,
He saw the dust pan and the broom,
He almost deigned to help her out.
Out flew the TV and floated wide;
The screen it cracked from side to side;
“The curse is come upon me,” cried
The Husband of Shalott.
posted by prefpara at 2:40 PM on January 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
Another contender enters into the woe is me white male author fray!
posted by kmz at 3:45 PM on January 7, 2015
posted by kmz at 3:45 PM on January 7, 2015
From the Toast comments, the point at which I gave up and just started laughing so hard I wept:
The thing that really pisses me off about this guy is that when you struggle through his horrible prose, your only reward for it is a face full of tired retrograde bullshit. It's like running a marathon and your medal is made out of bees.
GOLD.
posted by E. Whitehall at 5:30 PM on January 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
The thing that really pisses me off about this guy is that when you struggle through his horrible prose, your only reward for it is a face full of tired retrograde bullshit. It's like running a marathon and your medal is made out of bees.
GOLD.
posted by E. Whitehall at 5:30 PM on January 7, 2015 [9 favorites]
No, drinking simply made me happy before it didn’t. It ended when my paternity leave ended, when my surfeit of time was no more. I’ve never been so pleased to see the inside of a classroom.
Having to go into a classroom never stopped some of my professors from drinking nonstop.
Seriously this whole thing just reads like so much bullshit to me.
posted by BibiRose at 7:12 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Having to go into a classroom never stopped some of my professors from drinking nonstop.
Seriously this whole thing just reads like so much bullshit to me.
posted by BibiRose at 7:12 PM on January 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
at least spell it Heineken.
Fuck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon.
posted by phearlez at 8:51 PM on January 7, 2015
Fuck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon.
posted by phearlez at 8:51 PM on January 7, 2015
I can imagine his wife wants another child so she can raise an army against his lazy ass.
I'm now father to two kids, the second being a few weeks old. Thing 2 is in the charming "milk-baby" stage, when he smells of sweet milk and seems like a milky little goo-thing. Thing 1 is over 3 years old, and goes between being a gentle older brother and wanting to crush his little brother with love. I can't imagine being a single parent. But being a parent with a drunk for a partner would be worse, because you can see there's a functional adult who is just out of reach.
Here's a quick list, off the top of my head, of what the non-nursing partner can do with a new-born child and an older sibling:
In talking about kids with co-workers, someone related their experiences in talking with pet owners, who compared kids to dogs. I'll accept at some levels, 1 child roughly equals 1 dog, but addition doesn't work the same with kids as it does with dogs. 1 dog + 1 dog = 2 dogs, but 1 child + 1 child = 5 children, work-wise.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:06 AM on January 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm now father to two kids, the second being a few weeks old. Thing 2 is in the charming "milk-baby" stage, when he smells of sweet milk and seems like a milky little goo-thing. Thing 1 is over 3 years old, and goes between being a gentle older brother and wanting to crush his little brother with love. I can't imagine being a single parent. But being a parent with a drunk for a partner would be worse, because you can see there's a functional adult who is just out of reach.
Here's a quick list, off the top of my head, of what the non-nursing partner can do with a new-born child and an older sibling:
- Feed #2 Child with a bottle*
- Burp #2 after feeding*
- Change #2 before, during, and/or after feeding*
- Help #2 deal with gas, colic, or general irritability*
- Change #1 Child, or chase the first child down to get him/her to go to the bathroom and not poop and/or pee in their pants because it's more fun to play than stop and go to the bathroom
- Take #1 to daycare/ on playdates/ out of the house so mom can have a moment with just #2, without having to also cuddle and pay attention to #1
- Clean laundry
- Buy food
- Make food edible
- Clean dishes
- Take out the recycling and trash
- Clean the house
- Pick up toys so no one trips and falls when dealing with #2 in a sleep-deprived stupor
- Pay bills
- Take care of pet(s)
- Share cute photos of the newly expanded family with family and friends
In talking about kids with co-workers, someone related their experiences in talking with pet owners, who compared kids to dogs. I'll accept at some levels, 1 child roughly equals 1 dog, but addition doesn't work the same with kids as it does with dogs. 1 dog + 1 dog = 2 dogs, but 1 child + 1 child = 5 children, work-wise.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:06 AM on January 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by Artw at 11:38 AM on January 6, 2015 [53 favorites]