"Good evening, Vienna. This is Sydney calling!"
February 10, 2015 1:20 PM   Subscribe

While a few still fret about the ongoing fisticuffs in the eastern parts and the reluctance of Greece to repay a few bucks borrowed for the weekend from Germany, the real surprise, anger and confusion enveloping contemporary Europe is the admittance of Australia.

Metro have an FAQ which says that Australia are automatically in the final; Australians will probably be able to vote; and if they win, Eurovision 2016 will still be held in Europe.

Independent: "For reasons that aren’t immediately entirely clear, Australia will join 39 other countries in competing in this year’s contest, taking place in Vienna in May on May 19, 21 and 23."

SBS: "SBS Eurovision co-host Julia Zemiro said she had witnessed some incredible Eurovision performances over the years, but couldn't wait for an Aussie to grab the mic and compete. 'Having an Australian compete on the world’s biggest stage is going to be the best douze points moment of this year’s contest' said Ms Zemiro."

Guardian: "Australian performers are no stranger to the Eurovision stage but have never represented Australia. Olivia Newton John and Gina G both represented the UK with Long Live Love In and Ooh Aah … Just a Little Bit in 1974 and 1996 respectively, while Jane Comerford was the lead singer for German entry Texas Lightning in 2006."

Eurovision.tv: To give the anniversary celebrations an extra dimension and to walk the talk on this year’s theme Building Bridges, the EBU and host broadcaster ORF invited Australia to compete in the Grand Final of the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest. This brings the total amount of represented countries to 40.

The news has caused some geographic bewilderment and comment on social media. Even though it's - currently - a one-off, some are not happy or just plain confused.

International Business Times: "As for the thorny question of whether a non-European country should be allowed to participate, Turkey and Israel have both been involved for decades, with Turkey winning three times and Israel once."

Sky: "Australia has until 16 March to decide who will represent them at the show. Australians will be allowed to vote in both semi-finals as well as the grand final."

9News: "Although Eurovision has in some aspects moved on from its status as a melting pot of patriotic kitsch, some countries still seem to prefer sending performers who can tend towards the hokey. Nonetheless, it is a hugely popular event, with last year's broadcast watched by 195 million people worldwide."

98FM: "'Good evening, Vienna. This is Sydney calling!' You're probably going to hear words almost identical to those uttered via some dodgy satellite link during this year's Eurovision."

Others are fearing the possible end conclusion of this trend.
posted by Wordshore (62 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Australia are automatically in the final

For reasons that aren’t immediately entirely clear, Australia will join 39 other countries

Everyone else who gets a bye into the final does so because they pay for it.
posted by biffa at 1:23 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Haha, why the hell not. It's not like anyone takes Eurovision seriously anyways.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:30 PM on February 10, 2015


This just made me discover that the Eurovision finals are on a day when I probably won't be able to watch live. In fact I won't even be able to watch the repeat until two days after. I am really bummed by this.
posted by dnash at 1:30 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Long Live Love In and Ooh Aah … Just a Little Bit in 1974 and 1996 respectively,

It still took years more for a definitive version of the latter song to appear, however.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:35 PM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Even as we speak, Jedward are rushing to purchase a small bungalow in Adelaide.
posted by delfin at 1:41 PM on February 10, 2015 [12 favorites]


Nice, more cultural neighbours to give Ireland 12 points.

(When's the next referendum on Scottish Independence)?
posted by rollick at 1:49 PM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


I've been here in the UK almost five years now and this Eurovision thing just gets weirder and more nonsensical the more I learn about it.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:53 PM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


I bet "My lovely Kangaroo" will win, just so long as they lose the sax solo.
posted by Poldo at 1:54 PM on February 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


Eurovision is both fractally weird and fractally fabulous.

It's like drag without the undercurrent of misogyny.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:54 PM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


It's like drag without the undercurrent of misogyny

And, in the case of last year's winner, it's sometimes actual drag.
posted by dnash at 1:56 PM on February 10, 2015 [8 favorites]


Austria should troll the shit out of Australia by making their next song all about kangaroos, wombats, and Peter Carey novels.
posted by Sticherbeast at 1:58 PM on February 10, 2015 [22 favorites]


Australia has a big Greek diaspora as well, don't they? Man, if we can't have Dublin 2016, Athens is definitely my second choice. I guess I should wait to hear the songs before deciding who to vote for, though.
posted by rollick at 2:00 PM on February 10, 2015


For reasons that aren’t immediately entirely clear, Australia will join 39 other countries in competing in this year’s contest

Quaint little country in the Alps, speaks mostly German, what's not clear about that?
posted by indubitable at 2:03 PM on February 10, 2015 [9 favorites]


... and the reluctance of Greece to repay a few bucks borrowed for the weekend from Germany ...

A few bucks? I wish! Would someone please tell me how to get Greece out of my fridge and off my sofa?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:07 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Doesn't Australia participate in Show Us Your Songs, Commonwealth: In Praise of the Crown?
posted by wikipedia brown boy detective at 2:11 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is just the first step on the road to Japan winning 47 times in a row.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:13 PM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


Awesome, another international stage for us to embarrass ourselves on.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:15 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, no great mystery there. If Australia is now in the EBU (in the top 6 even?) they paid (quite a bit) for admittance. Every country can do that. Hence Israel and Morocco. Hadn't heard of it before so. LOL. The Austria/Australia jokes will be endless.
posted by ZeroAmbition at 2:15 PM on February 10, 2015


I realize that my preferences don't count here as a US citizen who only started caring about Eurovision because of Lordi, but good grief this is lame. It's even worse because they keep dicking around actual European countries like Liechtenstein and Kosovo.

In a just and righteous world, Australia would finish last, below even the UK. And they'd let Liechtenstein in next year, and they'd send a polka band, and the polka band would win.
posted by Copronymus at 2:18 PM on February 10, 2015


They should have admitted the whole country on the strength of "Ooh Aah...Just a Little Bit." That song is fantastic.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 2:18 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


My Australian coworker and all of her friends on Facebook are SUPER excited about this, I should note.
posted by maryr at 2:20 PM on February 10, 2015


I feel you Copronymus but the polka days of Eurovision are sadly over. Except maybe with a Godzilla robot in the background or something.
posted by ZeroAmbition at 2:20 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


ZeroAmbition: "but the polka days of Eurovision are sadly over. "

Only until someone realizes they can make money off "Eurovision: Traditional" and then it's polka and bagpipes 'til the cows come home.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:24 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Eurovision has been broadcast in Australia (on a delay; it's shown on the Sunday evening) for years now, and has been a surprisingly big thing there for a long time; much bigger than in the UK. This is partly down to Australia's history of large-scale European (mostly Mediterranean) immigration in the 20th century, and a lot of people having Italian/Greek/former-Yugoslavian roots. Perhaps a greater factor is the presence of the cultural infrastructure that was set up to cater to immigrant-Australian populations in the second half of the 20th century, and the effect it has had on the wider culture; there were ethnic radio stations in the cities, playing programmes in 1-2 hour slots by language/culture, and SBS, a government-funded TV station whose remit was originally ethnic broadcasting, much of which was films and TV shows from abroad. While these initially catered to homesick immigrants in an age before the internet, they also resulted in there being a population of urbane Australians with broadly cosmopolitan tastes and a knowledge of everything from giallo to telenovelas to Krimis, and tastes primed for a broad range of exotic influences. Eurovision drops into this quite naturally.

In Australia, Eurovision parties are a mainstream phenomenon; people get together in each other's houses, watch the show on TV, laugh along with it and drink, without any sort of affectation. Ordinary pubs have Eurovision nights. In contrast, the UK is a Eurovision wasteland. I've been to one Eurovision party here, and it was a somewhat more sedate affair, with about four people in a living room, and a set of bingo cards which had been prepared in advance. The only public venues I've seen hosting Eurovision nights are gay bars (because camp) and specifically European-themed venues (I think there's a Swedish pub in London which does a Eurovision night). The takeaway is: in the UK, you have to have a reason to watch Eurovision, whereas in Australia, it's a universal.
posted by acb at 2:25 PM on February 10, 2015 [15 favorites]


As a person who has seen all the Eurovision Song Contests (except the year that's not on You Tube) I have to say that...why the hell not?

Last year they made a BFD about China watching. I'm just bummed that we don't get the feed live in the US with Kathy Griffin and RuPaul commenting, because, really, what would be better?

We are now watching Melodifestivalen. And you should too. It's a mini Eurovision.

And yes, I do throw a party, and I cook the food of the host country. This year schnitzel and Wurst!

Our obsession started out as mild curiosity, now...it's just who we are.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:25 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


with Kathy Griffin and RuPaul commenting

I have such mixed feelings about this
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:27 PM on February 10, 2015


Kylie Minogue is Australian.

Just sayin'.
posted by dnash at 2:27 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


If Australia is now in the EBU (in the top 6 even?) they paid (quite a bit) for admittance.

AFAIK, they're not; it's a trial of a one-off invitation. Next year, it may well be Mauritania or Uruguay.

Quaint little country in the Alps, speaks mostly German, what's not clear about that?

Apparently when Australia first won an Olympic medal, the band at the ceremony didn't know the Australian national anthem, so played the Austrian one instead.
posted by acb at 2:29 PM on February 10, 2015


I miss Falco.
posted by Celsius1414 at 2:37 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm just bummed that we don't get the feed live in the US with Kathy Griffin and RuPaul commenting, because, really, what would be better?

I think one of the twitter links in the post has the right idea.

("Good EVE-ning possums, this is SYDney calling!")
posted by rollick at 2:42 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


with Kathy Griffin and RuPaul commenting

I have such mixed feelings about this


The UK has Graham Norton. I'd watch that, although the ones with Terry Wogan are pretty freaking hilarious! He's start out mildly snarky, and I think he'd get drunker and drunker as the thing progressed.

We get an uncommented feed straight off the EBU site. I feel that we're missing something.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:57 PM on February 10, 2015


It is only a matter of time before the United States assembles a dream team to win this once and for all. I propose Lady Gaga does the costumes and Pharell is lead singer.
posted by humanfont at 3:14 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Gaga puts on a better show, though.

So.. Beyonce and Gaga, Williams writing. Cirque du Soleil (yes Canadian!) as the backup dancers.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:16 PM on February 10, 2015


As someone who's actively followed Eurovision since 2007, this highly offends my sense both of the traditions and of European sovereignty which I consider it my purview as an American to have wholly appropriated long since.
posted by 7segment at 3:30 PM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


Morocco and Israel have been in it for ages though.
posted by fshgrl at 3:33 PM on February 10, 2015


Right, see the above re: "tradition". Anything pre-2007 == sacred and inviolable. Anything after == get off my lawn

which we Americans invented anyway and are most considerate in letting EBU members even use
posted by 7segment at 3:38 PM on February 10, 2015


which we Americans invented anyway and are most considerate in letting EBU members even use

With all due respect, as much as I like the place, the cuisine and the free coffee refills in diners, America is like the baby that Europe left on the orphanage steps.

So, you can't enter Eurovision.
posted by Wordshore at 3:48 PM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Actually, coming back to the first line of this post, I just remembered an interview I read with the Greek finance minister, Yanis Varoufakis. He was talking about the consulting work he did with Valve, and how the bonus scheme there works:

Host: Aren't some people making much larger bonuses than others?

Varoufakis: Yes, but those bonuses are not determined on the basis of ownership of shares. They are determined on the basis of what everybody thinks everybody else should be getting.

Host: It's not egalitarian, is a better way to say it.

Varoufakis: How this works--two years ago, when I first met Gabe, he said: We use the Eurovision Song Contest principle. He said to me - to tell listeners who are not familiar with this awful European institution. Terrible.

Host: Yeah, what is it?

Varoufakis: The Eurovision Song Contest. Terrible idea. It's been going on for 50 years now. What happens is every country is represented with one awful song, usually. Then the audience votes in the best song, and that country wins. But, no British citizen, for instance, is allowed to vote in favor of a British song. They can vote for all the other songs, but not for their own. So I was told that this is the principle. So what happens when it comes to determining bonuses, you can vote in favor of somebody else getting a bonus, but you can't vote for yourself.

Host: That's a good idea.


It's a pretty interesting interview, and I guess now we know Gabe Newell is a fan of the ESC.
posted by rollick at 4:01 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


I feel you Copronymus but the polka days of Eurovision are sadly over.

And yet, Poland would disagree.

posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:07 PM on February 10, 2015


With all due respect, as much as I like the place, the cuisine and the free coffee refills in diners, America is like the baby that Europe left on the orphanage steps.

Bless, but I live less than a mile from a former windmill formerly filled with guns that says we ran away.

PS: it is also the name age for a terrible rotary.
posted by maryr at 4:26 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]




I've been sitting by the phone with my flares on, waiting for the call up so I can go out and sing my Captain and Tenille divorce inspired rendition of "Love Will Tear Us Apart" in the style "Love Will Keep Us Together". While juggling fire on roller skates.
posted by nfalkner at 5:02 PM on February 10, 2015


Okay, as a card carrying member of the Eurovision-ista I have a few things to say about this. I know my stuff here, been backstage at every Eurovision since 2009, spend most of January-March visiting TV studios to watch the selections (this year I get to visit Moldova...), and have commentated on a number of the Contests for FM radio and video web streams...

In principle it's a nice idea. A really nice idea. And the inclusiveness is really all fluffy European.

But... It inflates the show to 27 songs on the Saturday night, which is five too many. Australia gets to vote in BOTH semi-finals (no other country has that power) which upsets a lot of dynamics.. And most importantly it is buying their way through to the Saturday night so it can AVOID the self-same semi-finals. That's not sporting. It also breaks a number of rules that the other countries signed up to back in September (and they can't withdraw without paying a penalty now).

They're going to get huge amount of PR and hype, and I believe that a competent entry will see them go top five, and give them a fair chance of winning. If they win, they get to enter again as defending champions (but have to host it somewhere in Europe).

Even if they don't win, they're paying a significant entry fee, and I can't see this being a one-off event. Sadly.

The whole thing smells like a bad idea in a pub on a back of a napkin, pushed through with no thought or impact.

(nerdier debate by me on this at ESC Insight, where I dredge up the spirit of Marcel Bezencon)
posted by ewan at 5:16 PM on February 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


As an Australian, I do not care for this at all. The whole fun of Eurovision is being an impartial observer, picking a country you can't even find on a map and drunkenly supporting it to the bitter end.

Also, who paid for this? The government? SBS? Just how much is the fee?

and I believe that a competent entry will see them go top five

I promise you, this will not happen. Australians are way too competitive, which means there will be too many stakeholders, which means the song and performer will be chosen by a huge committee* and it will be terrible. Advance Australia Fair all over again.

*John Clarke or Working Dog should absolutely make a TV series about this.
posted by retrograde at 5:35 PM on February 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


So glad for this. Having only discovered Eurovision after moving to Europe some years ago, I went from being horrified, to ironically amused, to unironically amused by the horror. The only down side is having to hear someone whine BUT WHY ISRAEL every goddamned year and having to explain what the EBU is again.

By all rights, Libya should be in this, too. Yet they never were, not even during the Gaddafi years. Which is weird to me, because I bet he loved Eurovision.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:56 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


I wouldn't be worried about America joining the Eurovision.

America's been in FIFA the entire time FIFA existed, and the effect will probably be the same. Nul points.
posted by ocschwar at 6:25 PM on February 10, 2015


Yeah but we're GOOD at music. Like Elvis. And Taylor Swift.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:17 PM on February 10, 2015


It would be interesting to see US megastar smash up against the political points system of Eurovision. Clearly there are a few places that aren't going to give it any points on principle but how well would it do with the others? Would Pharrell come in 12th behind some shepherd girl from the Baltic?
posted by biffa at 8:18 PM on February 10, 2015


I almost wish we had a version of this for our side of the world. As an American in America, I always feel a little like a hanger-on when I go to any of my European friends' Eurovision parties. I'm welcome, but it's not really my tradition, you know? If I hadn't seen this sketch when I was 7, I wouldn't have known about it at all. (caution for some seriously cringe-worthy Eric Idle stereotyping)

Man, the Western Hemisphere is laaaaaaame! And we have so much potential for "talented, yet wacky musicians" right here in the old Organization of American States.
posted by droplet at 8:28 PM on February 10, 2015


For those interested, there's a petition going around to re-form TISM to represent this great nation.

Please vote!
posted by pompomtom at 9:23 PM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Would Pharrell come in 12th behind some shepherd girl from the Baltic?

Lower than that since only the UK and Israel would vote for you. The Eurovision is less a song writing competition and more a live action musical game of Diplomacy. Kanye could probably legit start WW3 at it. And, in conclusion, that's why the US can't come.
posted by fshgrl at 9:29 PM on February 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


retrograde: The whole fun of Eurovision is being an impartial observer, picking a country you can't even find on a map and drunkenly supporting it to the bitter end.

That might explain why here in the Netherlands, no one I know cares even a little bit. Or it could be because we're all really, really boring.
posted by Too-Ticky at 1:51 AM on February 11, 2015


fshgrl: I'm not Pharrell, American or a shepherd girl from the Baltic. I also thought how much fun it would be to see Kanye do it and disagree with all 500million Europeans if he failed to get all the points.
posted by biffa at 2:23 AM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Every country can do that. Hence Israel and Morocco.

The European Broadcasting Union (EBU) includes broadcasters from the entire European Broadcasting Area (EBA), which includes the entire Mediterranean region, including North Africa. While the reasons for that are mostly historical, it's not that far-fetched to consider Sahara to be a more natural separator than "the inland sea".
posted by effbot at 2:54 AM on February 11, 2015


For those interested, there's a petition going around to re-form TISM to represent this great nation

Or, failing that, Regurgitator.
posted by acb at 5:37 AM on February 11, 2015


To the person above mentioning the possibility of someday having Japan enter, it just wouldn't be fair. It's like Kyary Pamyu Pamyu was genetically engineered for things like this. Seriously.

must scrub ears with brillo

no, seriously, it's great, you should listen

posted by Ghidorah at 6:14 AM on February 11, 2015


with Kathy Griffin and RuPaul commenting

You never need them, because every year you've got the live MetaFilter thread!!
posted by JanetLand at 8:49 AM on February 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


That might explain why here in the Netherlands, no one I know cares even a little bit. Or it could be because we're all really, really boring.

When you've put your ding dinge dong out there on stage for all to see, it's all downhill from there.

(Though Sha-La-Lie and the completely stoned native American cosplayer were inspired.)
posted by delfin at 9:56 AM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Perhaps the Netherlands doesn't have the base of tertiary-educated Eurovision experts, like Australia does?
posted by pompomtom at 7:36 PM on February 11, 2015




WTF
posted by infini at 1:29 PM on February 12, 2015


Yeah, it's odd, because everyone knows TISM are shit.
posted by pompomtom at 5:59 PM on February 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


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