CLEVER URL IS CLEVER
August 9, 2015 8:09 PM Subscribe
Having a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm is awful. (I know, it happened to me.)
Is there perhaps some way of distinguishing between that and the new Fantastic Four film? Or is his position that they are awful in exactly the same way? I suspect he could have elaborated a bit and perhaps made his review more useful to people who have not had a catfish thrown at them and gotten it stuck in their arm.
posted by Naberius at 8:17 PM on August 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
Is there perhaps some way of distinguishing between that and the new Fantastic Four film? Or is his position that they are awful in exactly the same way? I suspect he could have elaborated a bit and perhaps made his review more useful to people who have not had a catfish thrown at them and gotten it stuck in their arm.
posted by Naberius at 8:17 PM on August 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
Recently retired film critic Jay Stone had a gift for the capsule review. In 1987, he assessed the eminently forgettable Rent-A-Cop in nine words:
"Burt's a cop. Liza's a hooker. I'm a skeptic."posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:20 PM on August 9, 2015 [7 favorites]
Is the stuff about GMOs and vaccines in the URL just random or some kind of tie in to the film and / or why it sucks?
posted by idiopath at 8:20 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by idiopath at 8:20 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
ricochet biscuit I read that at first as "Jay Sherman," and all I can think of now is how badly the world needs a revival of The Critic.
posted by SansPoint at 8:23 PM on August 9, 2015 [30 favorites]
posted by SansPoint at 8:23 PM on August 9, 2015 [30 favorites]
Reminds me of Leonard Maltin's review of Isn't It Romantic? "No."
posted by Pong74LS at 8:25 PM on August 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Pong74LS at 8:25 PM on August 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Doesn't beat the four word plot summation of Saving Private Ryan: Boy gets own room.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 8:30 PM on August 9, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 8:30 PM on August 9, 2015 [17 favorites]
"Wow" - says Ben Dreyfuss of Mother Jones!
posted by Poldo at 8:32 PM on August 9, 2015 [103 favorites]
posted by Poldo at 8:32 PM on August 9, 2015 [103 favorites]
Having a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm is awful ... Is there perhaps some way of distinguishing between that and the new Fantastic Four film?
It's probably easier to avoid watching an awful movie than to avoid being struck by a catfish thrown at you with deliberate intent. So there's that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:37 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's probably easier to avoid watching an awful movie than to avoid being struck by a catfish thrown at you with deliberate intent. So there's that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:37 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Dang it! Pong74LS beat me to the punch.
I know someone who used to be Leonard Maltin's producer, and I distinctly remember the conversation where he told me about this.
posted by cardioid at 8:47 PM on August 9, 2015
I know someone who used to be Leonard Maltin's producer, and I distinctly remember the conversation where he told me about this.
posted by cardioid at 8:47 PM on August 9, 2015
Can someone explain what's going on here? Is Mother Jones the new Clickhole?
posted by naju at 8:57 PM on August 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by naju at 8:57 PM on August 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
The Red Letter Media review was actually surprisingly sympathetic. Apparently Tranck had big plans to do a dark body horror sci-fi movie (which actually sounds sort of cool), but studio meddling for a marketable superhero flick wrecked it.
posted by codacorolla at 9:09 PM on August 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 9:09 PM on August 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
"Shit Sandwich" would have conveyed the same judgment in the same number of words & syllables and doubled as a reference to a more enjoyable movie.
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:18 PM on August 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:18 PM on August 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
...a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm...
What does that even mean?
posted by The Tensor at 9:33 PM on August 9, 2015 [8 favorites]
What does that even mean?
posted by The Tensor at 9:33 PM on August 9, 2015 [8 favorites]
Roger Ebert may have left us, but his website lives on, and in an excellent review on it Matt Zoller Seitz writes:
The tone and structure of "Fantastic Four" should be studied in film schools as an example of what not to do. It's as if somebody took two pretty-decent feature length movies, broke them into pieces, and re-edited them into one film, but without any discernible plan beyond "get this down to 90 minutes."
When I saw that the first thing that went through my mind was: huh, a lot like Monster A-Go-Go.
(This is my second MST3K movie observation in an hour. I need help.)
posted by JHarris at 9:37 PM on August 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
The tone and structure of "Fantastic Four" should be studied in film schools as an example of what not to do. It's as if somebody took two pretty-decent feature length movies, broke them into pieces, and re-edited them into one film, but without any discernible plan beyond "get this down to 90 minutes."
When I saw that the first thing that went through my mind was: huh, a lot like Monster A-Go-Go.
(This is my second MST3K movie observation in an hour. I need help.)
posted by JHarris at 9:37 PM on August 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
Here is that review on Roger Ebert's site.
posted by JHarris at 9:39 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 9:39 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
(This is my second MST3K movie observation in an hour. I need help.)
Why, do yo feel like you're coming up short, reference-wise?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:40 PM on August 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
Why, do yo feel like you're coming up short, reference-wise?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:40 PM on August 9, 2015 [9 favorites]
If the stories that are being told about the movie's production--that it was basically taken away from Trank mid-production and new scenes filmed after principal photography had ended and the actors had gone on to new projects--then Matt Zoller Seitz's theory is correct, except that one of those movies (and maybe both) wasn't necessarily pretty decent.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:42 PM on August 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:42 PM on August 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Literally what it says. Catfish have barbed, venomous spikes.
...a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm...
What does that even mean?
From wikipedia
All catfish, except members of Malapteruridae (electric catfish), possess a strong, hollow, bonified leading spine-like ray on their dorsal and pectoral fins. As a defense, these spines may be locked into place so that they stick outwards, which can inflict severe wounds.[5] In several species catfish can use these fin rays to deliver a stinging protein if the fish is irritated.[20] This venom is produced by glandular cells in the epidermal tissue covering the spines.[4] In members of the family Plotosidae, and of the genus Heteropneustes, this protein is so strong it may hospitalize humans who are unfortunate enough to receive a sting; in Plotosus lineatus, the stings may result in death.[4]posted by smcameron at 9:42 PM on August 9, 2015 [7 favorites]
I can imagine this movie being obvious, boring, insulting to one's intelligence, annoying, etc... what I cannot imagine is any way in which it could be as awful as the image in my head looks like for getting a catfish stuck in your arm. Please, won't someone make that go away somehow.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:43 PM on August 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 9:43 PM on August 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
My personal best capsule review was Aronofsky's Noah: Angry God, dude, flood, boat, done.
Though I'm also fond of what I said of Terminator: Genisys: senseless palimpsest of cyborg oroboroi locked in lemniscate equilibrium of paradoxical deterrence.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 10:03 PM on August 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
Though I'm also fond of what I said of Terminator: Genisys: senseless palimpsest of cyborg oroboroi locked in lemniscate equilibrium of paradoxical deterrence.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 10:03 PM on August 9, 2015 [6 favorites]
my capsule review of Tree of Life
is Malick dying?
posted by nathancaswell at 10:22 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
is Malick dying?
posted by nathancaswell at 10:22 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Josh Trank's Fantastic Four: The Controversies Behind the Movie
posted by cendawanita at 10:23 PM on August 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by cendawanita at 10:23 PM on August 9, 2015 [5 favorites]
My favorite is Mr. Cranky's five-word review of Spice World: "Three words: no fucking way."
posted by happyroach at 10:59 PM on August 9, 2015
posted by happyroach at 10:59 PM on August 9, 2015
Is it unwatchable? I mean the first one wasn't great but it also wasn't terrible. If it had an RDJ Tony Stark role it probably would have jumped to "great" Ironman quality level territory.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:10 PM on August 9, 2015
posted by Brocktoon at 11:10 PM on August 9, 2015
"Wow, awful."
"a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm"
MetaFilter: Come for the movie review, stay for the nightmare fuel.
posted by bryon at 11:12 PM on August 9, 2015 [20 favorites]
"a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm"
MetaFilter: Come for the movie review, stay for the nightmare fuel.
posted by bryon at 11:12 PM on August 9, 2015 [20 favorites]
My favorite capsule review recommendation is happyroach's 16-word comment, "My favorite is Mr. Cranky's five-word review of Spice World: 'Three words: no fucking way.'"
posted by Sleeper at 11:14 PM on August 9, 2015 [18 favorites]
posted by Sleeper at 11:14 PM on August 9, 2015 [18 favorites]
I had to find out what a catfish getting stuck in a person would look like, so I DuckDuckGo'd it (as opposed to Googling. Googleing?).
Here's a video where a woman gets slapped in the thigh with a catfish, whereupon its venomous spines get stuck:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M16iNEH-3kc
A continuation with no resolution:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quF8wITJHgU
It's not gruesome or nightmare-fuel. Doesn't look like fun, though.
Apparently they could have pulled it out right away without a problem, then used tweezers to remove the spines if they stuck.
posted by Sleeper at 11:26 PM on August 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Here's a video where a woman gets slapped in the thigh with a catfish, whereupon its venomous spines get stuck:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M16iNEH-3kc
A continuation with no resolution:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quF8wITJHgU
It's not gruesome or nightmare-fuel. Doesn't look like fun, though.
Apparently they could have pulled it out right away without a problem, then used tweezers to remove the spines if they stuck.
posted by Sleeper at 11:26 PM on August 9, 2015 [2 favorites]
Apparently Tranck had big plans to do a dark body horror sci-fi movie (which actually sounds sort of cool), but studio meddling for a marketable superhero flick wrecked it.
Or you could say Trank took on a studio superhero property about 60's optimism and the power of family bonds to overcome all obstacles, and wrecked it by trying to turn it into a dark body horror sci-fi movie.
This tumblr post is a fantastic explination of what makes the Fantastic Four as a concept work so well.
posted by thecjm at 11:39 PM on August 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
Or you could say Trank took on a studio superhero property about 60's optimism and the power of family bonds to overcome all obstacles, and wrecked it by trying to turn it into a dark body horror sci-fi movie.
This tumblr post is a fantastic explination of what makes the Fantastic Four as a concept work so well.
posted by thecjm at 11:39 PM on August 9, 2015 [13 favorites]
Whoa! Spoilers!
posted by mazola at 11:39 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mazola at 11:39 PM on August 9, 2015 [1 favorite]
Or you could say Trank took on a studio superhero property about 60's optimism and the power of family bonds to overcome all obstacles, and wrecked it by trying to turn it into a dark body horror sci-fi movie.
And that wouldn't have been possible without Millar pre-darkifying and infantilizing the thing in the first place, so he's standing on the shoulder of giant poo piles.
posted by pseudocode at 12:02 AM on August 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
And that wouldn't have been possible without Millar pre-darkifying and infantilizing the thing in the first place, so he's standing on the shoulder of giant poo piles.
posted by pseudocode at 12:02 AM on August 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
It's clobberin' time!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:04 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:04 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Actor Anus Tiff
(Taco Snafu Rift? Tacit Oar Snuff?)
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:10 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
(Taco Snafu Rift? Tacit Oar Snuff?)
posted by Joseph Gurl at 1:10 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I wasn't going to bother seeing it but that catfish scene sounds awesome!
posted by mmoncur at 1:40 AM on August 10, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by mmoncur at 1:40 AM on August 10, 2015 [15 favorites]
I enjoyed the new Fantastic Four - - it's a sober, sincere retelling of the origin story with solid acting from the young cast. Normally, I prefer the old school campy superhero style, but this movie hit just the right note for me, which apparently puts me at odds with 95% of the population (or likely more accurately in this age of mob-think... 50% with the rest just piling on). Here's an astute review that actually presents a balanced hate free analysis of the movie, for those wishing to retain a modicum of objectivity.
posted by fairmettle at 3:22 AM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by fairmettle at 3:22 AM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Reading a couple of reviews, it sounds like the controversy in cendawanita's link is actually more interesting than the finished movie was. I mean, from what I understand, roughly 40 minutes of a 100 minute film are probably reshoots, and the director was pushed out of the editing booth, effectively making it an Alan Smithee film without the fake name.
Taking a Cronenberg-body-horror stance to the Fantastic Four, though, is moronic, for a reason that is in the name of the property. They are the FANTASTIC Four. There is a sense of wonder and joy baked into the group's freakin' name. Missing that is losing the thread entirely. (And as a side note, the teleporter concept is not the FF's origin. That's from the badly revisionist Ultimate Fantastic Four; in the original they are in outer space and get their powers from "cosmic rays.")
posted by graymouser at 3:53 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Taking a Cronenberg-body-horror stance to the Fantastic Four, though, is moronic, for a reason that is in the name of the property. They are the FANTASTIC Four. There is a sense of wonder and joy baked into the group's freakin' name. Missing that is losing the thread entirely. (And as a side note, the teleporter concept is not the FF's origin. That's from the badly revisionist Ultimate Fantastic Four; in the original they are in outer space and get their powers from "cosmic rays.")
posted by graymouser at 3:53 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I don't know, I think the Cronenbergian body horror has always been there. The first issue reads like a horror comic, and Ben in particular is supposed to be a real monster. Kirby got that; he drew Ben with these awful sunken eyes. The modern Ben who looks more like a rocky teddy bear is a newer invention.
posted by painquale at 4:56 AM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by painquale at 4:56 AM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I like the Tumblr post that thecjm links to above, especially "The only notch left on Doom’s dial is GLAM ROCKER" and the astute observation on how The Incredibles aren't like the FF.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:00 AM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:00 AM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
For those unhappy with this movie, the 1994 unreleased version (produced by Constantin Films for $1 million with some help from Roger Corman) is available in full 360p YouTube glory.
posted by elgilito at 5:06 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by elgilito at 5:06 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, the thing that keeps the FF and the Thing in particular from being real horror comics is the strong degree of empathy shown for Ben Grimm, not just in the narrative but by the people around him. Johnny and the Yancy Street Gang (based closely on the crew that young Jack Kirby used to run with on the Lower East Side in the Depression) tease and play pranks on Ben precisely to show that they don't pity him. He obsesses about whether his blind sculptress girlfriend would love him if she could see him while ignoring the fact that she produces exquisitely detailed sculptures of him, so yeah, she already knows. He throws poker nights for the rest of the superheroes in Manhattan. John Byrne, who is known in comics and superhero movie circles mostly for stating (in the context of the 2005 FF movie, and specifically WRT the casting of Jessica Alba as Sue Storm) that he associated blonde Latinas with prostitutes--which was the beginning of the self-destruction of Byrne's reputation in comics circles--had a pretty good run on the FF back in the eighties, and introduced the concept that the reason that Reed Richards couldn't cure Ben permanently (sometimes Ben could remain human for an extended period of time, and sometimes he could change back and forth at will, but he always reverted to being the Thing 24/7) was that he subconsciously wanted to be the Thing and keep that physical shell between him and the world, which is a pretty interesting concept if you know that guy who's always a little bit apart even among his friends and family, and especially if you were that guy. Of course, most horror films--even of the Cronenbergian body-horror variety--show some degree of empathy for the monster, but they usually don't have their monster sitting at a bar in Manhattan and bitching about stuff.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:28 AM on August 10, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:28 AM on August 10, 2015 [10 favorites]
Here's a video where a woman gets slapped in the thigh with a catfish, whereupon its venomous spines get stuck:
Well, that has my attention.
Unlike the film I just watched.
posted by Mezentian at 5:55 AM on August 10, 2015
Well, that has my attention.
Unlike the film I just watched.
posted by Mezentian at 5:55 AM on August 10, 2015
I had forgotten that Ben hosted poker nights. Is it correct that such a scene never appeared in any of the four FF films? If so, everyone responsible for those stories should be taken out back and spanked. That's prime character and world building material!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:58 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:58 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I had forgotten that Ben hosted poker nights. Is it correct that such a scene never appeared in any of the four FF films?
Four films, three origins.... and how many studios would involve Hank, Carol and Ben?
posted by Mezentian at 6:01 AM on August 10, 2015
Four films, three origins.... and how many studios would involve Hank, Carol and Ben?
posted by Mezentian at 6:01 AM on August 10, 2015
Having a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm is awful. (I know, it happened to me.) Is there perhaps some way of distinguishing between that and the new Fantastic Four film?
You can eat the catfish afterwards?
posted by octobersurprise at 6:51 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
You can eat the catfish afterwards?
posted by octobersurprise at 6:51 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
...a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm...
What does that even mean?
Yeah, ten year old me and my ten year old best friend had no idea either. There was a good 6-8 seconds of "what the fuck is happening here?" before we both freaked out.
It's all good fun until someone gets a fish stuck in their arm...
posted by Naberius at 6:53 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
What does that even mean?
Yeah, ten year old me and my ten year old best friend had no idea either. There was a good 6-8 seconds of "what the fuck is happening here?" before we both freaked out.
It's all good fun until someone gets a fish stuck in their arm...
posted by Naberius at 6:53 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is because it lacks Ioan Gruffudd and Captain America, isn't it?
posted by Gable Oak at 7:26 AM on August 10, 2015
posted by Gable Oak at 7:26 AM on August 10, 2015
all I can think of now is how badly the world needs a revival of The Critic.
It stinks!
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:49 AM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
It stinks!
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:49 AM on August 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
My favorite short review remains one for 2 Fast 2 Furious:
"2 Lame 2 Care".
That said, having not seen the new FF movie, I won't slag on it, but if some of the ideas mentioned in it are true, I'm really not terribly happy. Not sure why the whole "let's use the Ultimate Universe" thing is happening, other than the fact that part of the motivation for the original FF origin was winning the Space Race... and we did that, then the politicians decided we should stay home, the grinning asshats.
I'd love to see Marvel get it back, because they could do the kind of job of it that Fox has (repeatedly!) proven it couldn't.
posted by mephron at 8:09 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
"2 Lame 2 Care".
That said, having not seen the new FF movie, I won't slag on it, but if some of the ideas mentioned in it are true, I'm really not terribly happy. Not sure why the whole "let's use the Ultimate Universe" thing is happening, other than the fact that part of the motivation for the original FF origin was winning the Space Race... and we did that, then the politicians decided we should stay home, the grinning asshats.
I'd love to see Marvel get it back, because they could do the kind of job of it that Fox has (repeatedly!) proven it couldn't.
posted by mephron at 8:09 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Mr. Cranky also had an adroit review of "Forget Paris", which was simply "Forgot it."
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 8:26 AM on August 10, 2015
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 8:26 AM on August 10, 2015
Followup from Devin Faraci, the one whose review fairmettle linked: What Now for Fantastic Four?
(his review was the one that decided matters for me that I'm not spending money in the cinema for this unless I really have to)
posted by cendawanita at 9:06 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
(his review was the one that decided matters for me that I'm not spending money in the cinema for this unless I really have to)
posted by cendawanita at 9:06 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
and I still might go for Michael B. Jordan. I mean, I actually went to cinema for Mission: Impossible: Rogue Nation (fairly certain i've missed a colon...), an enjoyably crafted movie that nonetheless starred a major proponent of Scientology.
posted by cendawanita at 9:08 AM on August 10, 2015
posted by cendawanita at 9:08 AM on August 10, 2015
Metafilter: it's all good fun until someone gets a fish stuck in their arm
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:16 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:16 AM on August 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
My personal favorite succinct negative review is still "Scooby Don't."
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:36 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:36 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Gelatin: "Ctrl+F "sandwich"
Not disappointed."
Of course not. Why have a shit sandwich when you can have a lovely hamburger with a plate of beans on the side?
posted by Samizdata at 9:36 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Not disappointed."
Of course not. Why have a shit sandwich when you can have a lovely hamburger with a plate of beans on the side?
posted by Samizdata at 9:36 AM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I still hold that the best version of the FF (and the one they should use as the basis of a movie, IMO) is "The Four" from Ellis and Cassaday's most excellent Planetary.
posted by brand-gnu at 11:40 AM on August 10, 2015
posted by brand-gnu at 11:40 AM on August 10, 2015
I had this pegged as a flop as soon as I saw Reed Richards looking more like Mitch Taylor from Real Genius than the leader of the FF. Hearing it was directed by a guy who wanted to make a Marvel version of the Human Centipede doesn't help matters any.
posted by Mooski at 12:28 PM on August 10, 2015
posted by Mooski at 12:28 PM on August 10, 2015
For the next reboot, I think they should consider a musical script from a very talented writer / actor / director / producer / Thing.
posted by codacorolla at 12:30 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by codacorolla at 12:30 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I haven't seen Fantastic 1, 2 or 3, so I'll probably give 4 a pass.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:47 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:47 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Pogo_Fuzzybutt I haven't seen Fantastic 1, 2 or 3, so I'll probably give 4 a pass.
Well, it looks like 4 is just a rehash of the same story from 1 and 2, so you're not missing much.
Can we please have a new superhero movie that isn't the damn origin story? Everyone and their grandmother knows every major superhero's origins at this point. We're not stupid. Just establish that "Hey! This person has super powers." and we're all good to go. It's more time you can spend on story.
posted by SansPoint at 1:13 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Well, it looks like 4 is just a rehash of the same story from 1 and 2, so you're not missing much.
Can we please have a new superhero movie that isn't the damn origin story? Everyone and their grandmother knows every major superhero's origins at this point. We're not stupid. Just establish that "Hey! This person has super powers." and we're all good to go. It's more time you can spend on story.
posted by SansPoint at 1:13 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
How about they just stop making super hero movies?
posted by JHarris at 1:44 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by JHarris at 1:44 PM on August 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
>We're not stupid.
Have you met the public, SansPoint?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:59 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Have you met the public, SansPoint?
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:59 PM on August 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I had this pegged as a flop as soon as I saw Reed Richards looking more like Mitch Taylor from Real Genius than the leader of the FF.
And there are some very Real Genius-esque touches in it, including the science fair where the young genius is so far above his classmates that they have no idea of how brilliant he is, the rescue by the institution that caters to smart people, Reg E. Cathey (another alumnus of The Wire) as a more benevolent version of Professor Hathaway, even the requisite military/government goons trying to use the fruits of their research to kill people. And if the movie had been just a straight-up remake of Real Genius with Jordan as the Chris Knight character and Doom as a less-pathetic version of Kent and superpowers instead of orbital lasers, it might have been something to see.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:41 PM on August 10, 2015
And there are some very Real Genius-esque touches in it, including the science fair where the young genius is so far above his classmates that they have no idea of how brilliant he is, the rescue by the institution that caters to smart people, Reg E. Cathey (another alumnus of The Wire) as a more benevolent version of Professor Hathaway, even the requisite military/government goons trying to use the fruits of their research to kill people. And if the movie had been just a straight-up remake of Real Genius with Jordan as the Chris Knight character and Doom as a less-pathetic version of Kent and superpowers instead of orbital lasers, it might have been something to see.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:41 PM on August 10, 2015
and I still might go for Michael B. Jordan.
I feel like he was barely in it.
Actually, now I reflect on it, I think most of the actors weren't in the film.
Maybe all their scenes will be in the director's cut.
You know, the one where stuff happens.
I just went to RottenTomatoes for my daily moment of zen (since I have to do that myself now) and it's still at 9%.
But then there's this boggling comment:
Laughably cheesy, bordering on Zardoz levels of simplicity.
posted by Mezentian at 1:31 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I feel like he was barely in it.
Actually, now I reflect on it, I think most of the actors weren't in the film.
Maybe all their scenes will be in the director's cut.
You know, the one where stuff happens.
I just went to RottenTomatoes for my daily moment of zen (since I have to do that myself now) and it's still at 9%.
But then there's this boggling comment:
Laughably cheesy, bordering on Zardoz levels of simplicity.
posted by Mezentian at 1:31 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is objectively the best synopsis for Fant4stic.
Fox Executive: (to assistant) Clara! Bring in the cocaine we take when we're sad! Not the happy cocaine.posted by nicebookrack at 11:33 AM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
> ...a catfish thrown at you and getting it stuck in your arm...
> What does that even mean?
Catfish have wicked sharp, long spines sticking out of every fin. They hate mankind. And are delicious.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:14 PM on August 11, 2015
> What does that even mean?
Catfish have wicked sharp, long spines sticking out of every fin. They hate mankind. And are delicious.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:14 PM on August 11, 2015
From the io9 synopsis:
Scientist #2: Hey, it’s that Doom kid! And his face looks like a bootleg action figure!
That's perfect.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:56 PM on August 11, 2015
Scientist #2: Hey, it’s that Doom kid! And his face looks like a bootleg action figure!
That's perfect.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:56 PM on August 11, 2015
How about they just stop making super hero movies?
I will vote for anyone who makes making comic book movies illegal.
posted by mazola at 10:37 PM on August 11, 2015
I will vote for anyone who makes making comic book movies illegal.
posted by mazola at 10:37 PM on August 11, 2015
I will vote for anyone who makes making comic book movies illegal.
You stand between me, Black Panther (a "minority"), Ms Marvel (one of THEM), and Captain Marvel (a she-thing). And Infinity War and Guardians of the Galaxy 2.
If I may quote:
Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.
posted by Mezentian at 8:56 AM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]
You stand between me, Black Panther (a "minority"), Ms Marvel (one of THEM), and Captain Marvel (a she-thing). And Infinity War and Guardians of the Galaxy 2.
If I may quote:
Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.
posted by Mezentian at 8:56 AM on August 14, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by turbid dahlia at 8:12 PM on August 9, 2015 [8 favorites]