What kind of a question is that?

November 1, 2015 5:13 AM

An all-female Russian crew is currently undergoing a simulation of an eight-day trip to lunar orbit and subsequent return to Earth. The highly-qualified volunteers were chosen through a series of rigorous selection processes based on the real cosmonaut selection regime. In the press conference that was held prior to the start of the mission, the team had to face questions of how they would cope without men or makeup for eight days.

The simulated mission will last from October 28 to November 4, 2015. The team is tasked with performing 30 experiments, while they themselves will be studied as human subjects for the impact of prolonged space travel on the female body.

From Phys.org:

"Despite the mission being presented as a giant step for gender equality, the women—who wore red jumpsuits—found themselves fielding questions at a press conference about how they would cope without men or makeup for eight days.

"We are very beautiful without makeup," parried participant Darya Komissarova.

Her colleague Anna Kussmaul was more direct: "We are doing work. When you're doing your work, you don't think about men and women."

From The Independent:

"It will be interesting to see how well they get on with each other, and how well they are able to perform tasks. We believe women might not only be no worse than men at performing certain tasks in space, but actually better."

posted by cynical pinnacle (52 comments total)

More like "How will you cope without dinosaurs?"
posted by Thorzdad at 5:19 AM on November 1, 2015 [19 favorites]

"I dunno. Counterpoint: how would you cope with your head being outside of your rectum for 8 days?"
posted by ian1977 at 5:20 AM on November 1, 2015 [63 favorites]

My SO studies submarines -- and has said that it's ironic that for the longest time no one allow women to serve on submarines, as research suggests that they might handle the tight and crowded conditions better than men.
posted by jb at 5:22 AM on November 1, 2015 [3 favorites]

The day I finally forbade morning "news" in my household, I walked through the living room while Katie Couric was interviewing the U.S. women's Olympic swim team on whatever horrid morning show she's on. They were rocking new swimsuits made out of neat new tech, and Katie asked one of the women, "But don't you feel fat in that?" *RAGE*

I'm angry just thinking about it now. We have not had the TV on in the morning since that day.
posted by thebrokedown at 5:53 AM on November 1, 2015 [61 favorites]

while they themselves will be studied as human subjects for the impact of prolonged space travel on the female body.

I'm not sure how short simulation on Earth will useful to the study of the impact of prolonged space travel on the female body, as opposed to actually sending women into space, but that's not any of my business....

With women generally being lighter and requiring less resources (i.e. food), there have been suggestions of having an all female crew to Mars. I don't see it every happening (or being allowed), but it's an interesting thought experiment.

Of course, there's the whole question of why we should people to Mars, when we don't have lunar base, but that's not any of my business either...
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:57 AM on November 1, 2015 [3 favorites]

"It will be particularly interesting in terms of psychology," said the institute's director Igor Ushakov.

"I'd like to wish you a lack of conflicts, even though they say that in one kitchen, two housewives find it hard to live together," he added.

The volunteers include scientific researchers, a doctor and a psychologist.

They sound impressive in lots of ways, but I'm most impressed that they've got to this point, working for this guy, without debilitating eyeroll-induced injuries. He may as well have used the word "catfight".
posted by Aravis76 at 6:10 AM on November 1, 2015 [12 favorites]

What will the fish do without their bicycles?!
posted by chavenet at 6:13 AM on November 1, 2015 [38 favorites]

Despite the mission being presented as a giant step for gender equality, the women—who wore red jumpsuits—found themselves fielding questions at a press conference about how they would cope without men or makeup for eight days.

“On which day will you ladies start to lez out?”
posted by Going To Maine at 6:17 AM on November 1, 2015 [12 favorites]

based on the real cosmonaut selection regime.

not the fake one they use for the men?
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 6:19 AM on November 1, 2015 [3 favorites]

Q: How will they cope without men for eight days?
A: Same way guys do without women: eight whole days? Big deal. And it'll be great not to have to stroke any tender little male egos every single minute of those eight days.

Q: How will they cope without makeup for eight days?
A: Dunno, but I've managed to cope without it just fine for my entire almost-sixty years.

Q: What do you think about Ushakov comparing an all-female crew with "two housewives find it hard to live together"?
A: He's a dick.
posted by easily confused at 6:20 AM on November 1, 2015 [11 favorites]

This is why we need feminism, and why all-female cosmonaut crews need orbital laser cannons.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:26 AM on November 1, 2015 [65 favorites]

Of course, there's the whole question of why we should send people to Mars

Here's an interesting idea.
posted by Fleebnork at 6:28 AM on November 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

It sure has been a strange reversal from the days when a cosmonaut became the first woman in space.
posted by indubitable at 6:31 AM on November 1, 2015 [7 favorites]

I just...I can't...The fuck?...*asplodes*
posted by billiebee at 6:35 AM on November 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

How will you cope without dinosaurs?

That's just silly. There are real questions to be asked. How will they deal with the lack of newspapers? Will they be bothered by the relative scarcity of spiders? What if they run out of toothpicks? Will they have enough marmalade? Can they live without any dogs? Are they aware that frisbees don't work in space? How does this Mars data compare to data from other fields? Like medicine? Or sports?
posted by sfenders at 6:44 AM on November 1, 2015 [7 favorites]

Are they aware that frisbees don't work in space?

Welp, fuck.
posted by Itaxpica at 7:27 AM on November 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

Crone island ... IN SPAAAAAAAAAACE!!!
posted by rmd1023 at 7:35 AM on November 1, 2015 [56 favorites]

They need to take a cat with them.

Frisbees don't work in space? Ah crap.
posted by mule98J at 8:00 AM on November 1, 2015

I hope they're installing a death ray to zap each of those reporters right in the face.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:02 AM on November 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

For some reason, common sense abandons people when they consider what women need in space (answer: mostly, the same things men need in space). See also: "That would not be the right number."
posted by jackbishop at 8:09 AM on November 1, 2015 [5 favorites]

This hurts. To know that people are this ignorant, stupid, & sexist. It hurts my brain and heart.
posted by Fizz at 8:26 AM on November 1, 2015

Hardest eyeroll in the article: the "glamor shots" of them all in red jackets. Do male cosmonauts do a sexy calendar before selection? (The hand on the eyeglasses one, lol)

At least the last photo is a more straightforward head shot.
posted by ctmf at 8:29 AM on November 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

I read about this a few days ago, and after my initial anger receded I've been thinking what kind of snarky reply I would give to those stuck-in-the-1950s reporters.

How will you wash your hair? "With the blood of my enemies". Will you wear makeup? "Yes, i will cover myself with blood of my enemies". That's why they're all wearing red duhhh.
posted by littlesq at 8:36 AM on November 1, 2015 [8 favorites]

But these answers will lead directly to "what will you do if you find no enemies in space?"
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:39 AM on November 1, 2015

Make them.
posted by smidgen at 8:42 AM on November 1, 2015 [7 favorites]

"That's a clown question, bro."
posted by dirigibleman at 8:43 AM on November 1, 2015 [13 favorites]

“On which day will you ladies start to lez out?”

Right? There is still time to make it five women and one man, for maximum male porn-fantasy fuel.
posted by ctmf at 8:44 AM on November 1, 2015

It's so interesting that this sexism exists today, given that the first Russian woman in space was a full two decades before the first American.
posted by miyabo at 8:45 AM on November 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

Obviously they have one of their crashed alien spacecraft repaired and ready for the run to Mars. They will all arrive just in time to deliver, and rename the planet Vladimir. But suddenly, their SO's will arrive via the second repaired alien junker, and take their beloveds by the hands, leaving the babies behind to manage Vladimir, which is doable, since the ship is sentient and has strong maternal programs. Meanwhile, the runaway romantics will settle on the clouds of Venus, which they rename Hot to Trotsky, living on weekly deliveries of Vladimirian vegetables and synth meats.
posted by Oyéah at 8:53 AM on November 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

Silly littlesq. They're wearing red in case they get their PERIODS in FAKE SPACE. DUH.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:05 AM on November 1, 2015 [5 favorites]

It's so interesting that this sexism exists today, given that the first Russian woman in space was a full two decades before the first American.

Not strange at all, considering that only the fourth female cosmonaut went into space this year. Meanwhile, over at NASA, females have commanded the Space Shuttle and the ISS.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:16 AM on November 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

"In space we won't have to answer questions like that. It will be a pleasant eight days."
posted by sciencegeek at 9:26 AM on November 1, 2015 [28 favorites]

My completely anecdotal sense is that Russian culture has become more sexist rather than less. Which is to say that this kind of media is depressingly expected.
posted by parudox at 10:01 AM on November 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

It's so interesting that this sexism exists today, given that the first Russian woman in space was a full two decades before the first American.

It's really sad - the second Russian woman in space occurred 19 years afterward (and it's reported it's only because they were aware of Sally Ride) and the Soviets dissolved the women cosmonaut program that produced Tereshkova in 1969. There's an interesting passage in the fiction book Red Mars from the perspective of the woman leader of the Russian Mars team, when she says, looking back at her career, "They can't hold Valentina Tereshkova against us forever!" There must be a fascinating non-fiction book ready to be written based on this statement alone exploring the history there, but I do know: Tereshkova was a civilian, not an Air Force pilot; she ate dinner with the farmers whose field she landed in, getting reprimanded for not doing her medical tests first; it's rumored her marriage to another cosmonaut was forced for propaganda purposes; and of course she was a woman.

Khrushchev stated that the first woman in space was intended to show the West how sexist it was, and openly mocked the US about it, but they dissolved the program because they felt it was too dangerous for women, especially since one woman already had a family. (Of course that didn't apply to the male cosmonauts who were married.) It's a lot like Wyoming being the "first state" to grant women the right to vote - it was solely for political purposes benefiting men and then as soon as women voted they tried (and failed by just one vote) to take it away. The sexism has always been there: what we call victories, even as they show that women can do things and be equal, sometimes ironically and tragically may be less victory than symbols of outright sexism having always existed, still existing, and continuing to exist.

(These cosmonauts should take a page from Lee Lin Chin's book and just mace those reporters for assuming they have the right to speak to these women.)
posted by barchan at 10:20 AM on November 1, 2015 [20 favorites]

Silly littlesq. They're wearing red in case they get their PERIODS in FAKE SPACE. DUH.

PERIODSSSSSS INNNN SPAAACCCEEE.
THEY'LL CLOG THE INSTRUMENTS!
posted by littlesq at 10:31 AM on November 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

PBS Spacetime: Should the First Mars Mission Be All Women?
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:37 AM on November 1, 2015

It's a shame there isn't information about the "test flight" itself. Everything seems to be all about the weird ass press conference. Where's the science?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:37 AM on November 1, 2015

Silly littlesq. They're wearing red in case they get their PERIODS in FAKE SPACE. DUH.

PERIODSSSSSS INNNN SPAAACCCEEE.
THEY'LL CLOG THE INSTRUMENTS!

There’s a space survival horror video game in there somewhere.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:42 AM on November 1, 2015

Does a Diva Cup go rogue and start floating all over base, splashing people? Because this is pretty much my long-time theory on how you defeat Superman if you're a lady. You KNOW Superman is totally squicked by lady body-functions.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:04 AM on November 1, 2015 [3 favorites]

Is there a translation error here or is the damning-with-faint-praise-iest thing I've ever read:

Sergei Ponomarev, the scientific director of Moon-2015, told the Guardian: “It will be interesting to see how well they get on with each other, and how well they are able to perform tasks. We believe women might not only be no worse than men at performing certain tasks in space, but actually better.”

We think they might be able to perform certain tasks no worse than men!
posted by bleep at 11:09 AM on November 1, 2015 [3 favorites]

"In space we won't have to answer questions like that. It will be a pleasant eight days."

It's the same answer for the original question. No men and no makeup for eight whole days? Where do I sign up?

They were rocking new swimsuits made out of neat new tech, and Katie asked one of the women, "But don't you feel fat in that?" *RAGE*

This is hilarious on one hand and tragic on the other. Those suits make you feel fierce. Like your body was built, trained and sculpted just for that. Like you could eat little pipsqueaks like Katie for breakfast. So the gut reaction to that question is almost pity- I feel so sorry for Ms. Couric that she has never gotten to experience how powerful and amazing one's body can be. To be that comfortable in ones own skin.

Of course, if any of those ladies had actually said something along those lines, they would have been in deep trouble with the USOC for not being appropriate ambassadors. And who would take that kind of risk?

So it's not just Katie to blame, or just the USOC, or even Roscosmos, it's endemic to our whole damn culture, and will require a full on grass roots sea change to fix.
posted by susiswimmer at 11:26 AM on November 1, 2015 [10 favorites]

Web content for the Martian: Commander Lewis's answer on being the first female Mars mission commander.

Not only do frisbees work in space, but the current record for frisbee air time was set in space.
posted by miguelcervantes at 12:37 PM on November 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

Oh yeah, I forgot; the whole solar system, Milky Way thing, is basically a frisbee with parts.
posted by Oyéah at 1:29 PM on November 1, 2015 [3 favorites]

...they dissolved the program because they felt it was too dangerous for women, especially since one woman already had a family. (Of course that didn't apply to the male cosmonauts who were married.)

Arrgh. This argument doesn't even make sense if you are a sexist idiot. If you believe women should be at home and protected and men should be the breadwinner, by sending men on dangerous missions, you are endangering the men and hence the women will be unprotected. I know sexism is stupid and there's no logic to it but still these fools just don't even listen to the words coming out of their mouths. Ugh. And it is still going on. Jesus. My husband is awesome but I could use a break from the rest of 'em. Sign me up, too.

And who designed that logo?? Looks like those stupid trucker mudflaps. Naked women! Flailing in space!
posted by Beti at 1:54 PM on November 1, 2015 [6 favorites]

Oh God that logo Beti... Who do I set on fire for that?
posted by billiebee at 2:28 PM on November 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

What if there's a stuck jar? What if there's some plates on a high shelf? This mission is doomed.
posted by um at 3:21 PM on November 1, 2015 [10 favorites]

It's a shame there isn't information about the "test flight" itself.

I tried to look for more specifics of the goals of the mission, but was not having much luck, at least from english-language sources. I'm hoping someone with a better grasp of Russian than me can find more information. The only further detail I can find so far is from TASS (article link below). I think some of the translation is a little confusing, but it's better than nothing. Also, in the TASS article, there is an infographic on the new reusable space vehicle that Russia is developing. The first flight is planned for 2028. From the TASS article:

"Life-support systems will sustain the crew as a list of journey tasks mounts a search for a missing moon rover and charts the progress of life-science experiments."
posted by cynical pinnacle at 3:47 PM on November 1, 2015

that cannot seriously be the logo
posted by gottabefunky at 4:34 PM on November 1, 2015

holy crap it is
posted by gottabefunky at 4:35 PM on November 1, 2015

what, were none of these good enough?
posted by gottabefunky at 4:38 PM on November 1, 2015 [4 favorites]

Um yes, I'd like to ask the male astronauts how they'll moisturise their adam's apples in zero-gravity. And do you wear space-boxers or space-briefs? Do you feel the curvy and bulky space suits don't flatter your boyish figures?

I'll take my answer off the air, thanks.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:10 AM on November 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

fwiw, according to neal stephenson (in seveneves): "Research on the long-term effects of spaceflight suggested that women were less susceptible to radiation damage than men. They were smaller on average, requiring less space, less food, less air. And sociological studies pointed to the idea that they did better when crammed together in tight spaces for long periods of time."
posted by kliuless at 6:42 AM on November 4, 2015