Yet another male voice booms over the sound system. It's God.

November 10, 2015 4:47 AM

It's hour six of Mathew Knowles’s day-long seminar "The Entertainment Industry: How do I get in?", and he is yelling across the theater at an usher who just told him new microphones are "on the way." "If this were a Beyoncé show and you said it was ‘on the way,’ your ass would be on the way," he shouts at her from the stage. It’s not the best burn, but we get the gist. The room is silent until another usher appears with two fresh microphones so the audience Q&A can get going. Weirdly, it takes a few minutes before the crowd loosens up.

--Learning to Be Beyoncé From Her Terrible Father: Inside Mathew Knowles's entertainment industry seminar
posted by almostmanda (34 comments total)

In a shocking turn of events, a person known mostly for being a self-serving asshole turns out to be a self-serving asshole.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:33 AM on November 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

"The lights remain off, but Europe’s "The Final Countdown" begins playing at a high volume, and you can see Knowles’s shadow crossing the stage in the dark."

You gotta be kidding me.
posted by valkane at 5:50 AM on November 10, 2015 [14 favorites]

Christ, what an...

People like this are why our performing artists are such terrible people.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:53 AM on November 10, 2015

The bathos of the unsuccessful success guru, or the uninspiring motivational speaker, will never not be the most hilarious thing in the world to me.
posted by rollick at 6:08 AM on November 10, 2015 [18 favorites]

A projector screen at the front of the theater illuminates to show someone’s Windows desktop and a cursor frantically clicking between programs. It eventually finds the Quicktime player and maximizes it…

Oh, man. Too perfect.
posted by ignignokt at 6:25 AM on November 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

"I was planning on giving this to a sold out room," he says with a closed-mouthed sigh, and suddenly it feels like the sparsely-filled seats are the audience’s fault, not the theater’s or his team’s or his. He’s very good at that.

Ha, wow.
posted by Theta States at 6:34 AM on November 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

So Beyonce's father is a dickbag.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 6:40 AM on November 10, 2015

I feel bad for those innocent people, especially the ones who flew in from other countries.
posted by bleep at 6:41 AM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Speechless.
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:42 AM on November 10, 2015

Love the bit where he dickishly tells the Nigerian R&B singer off for trying to hand him her demo, saying he throws all demos in the trash... and

"Once he’s done, she reminds him that his Eventbrite page for this event instructs people to "personally hand him your demo CD or résumé!" and there is a long, satisfying silence before he says thank you and invites the next person in line to step up to the mic."
posted by cilantro at 6:43 AM on November 10, 2015 [21 favorites]

Knowles has a new book out, "The DNA of Achievers: 10 Traits of Highly Successful Professionals,"

CHAPTER ONE: Be lucky enough to father a musical and business genius daughter who is kind enough to allow you to manage her for far too long.
posted by xingcat at 7:06 AM on November 10, 2015 [23 favorites]

I don't know enough about him and Beyoncé to know if this is the case, but it sounds a lot like the relationship between Maude Lebowski and the "Big" Lebowski.
posted by ignignokt at 7:34 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

(Imma let you finish but) Beyonce's song "Daddy" from her first album is the most creepy brainwashed daddy-worship of all time. I shudder to think how much he probably pushed her into that tune.
posted by nakedmolerats at 7:38 AM on November 10, 2015

The bathos of the unsuccessful success guru, or the uninspiring motivational speaker, will never not be the most hilarious thing in the world to me.

"I LIVE ... IN A VAN ... DOWN BY THE RIVER."
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:42 AM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

"If this were a Beyoncé show and you said it was ‘on the way,’ your ass would be on the way,"

If that was a Beyoncé show, you would have paid for having multiple spare mics right offstage and the techs to maintain and run them.

Asshole.
posted by eriko at 7:46 AM on November 10, 2015 [15 favorites]

Sounds like the dude really needs to up his multimedia setup game - he could take tips from motivational speaker pro Heshy Farahat!
posted by FatherDagon at 7:51 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

If this were a Beyoncé show, my ass would actually want to be here!

statler-and-waldorf-laughing.gif
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:58 AM on November 10, 2015 [12 favorites]

he's such a scum fuck asshole. i'm gonna go listen to "ring off" to delight in his family's separation from him.
posted by nadawi at 7:58 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

It looks like he continues to insist that the reason he 'stopped' managing Beyonce was because he wanted to focus more on his other up and coming acts. Um, the ones infinitely less known or lucrative than Beyonce. OK then.
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:00 AM on November 10, 2015

"I don’t know how we’re gonna cut this all together"
posted by Artw at 8:12 AM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Show biz attracts raging narcissists? Say it ain't so!
posted by Klaxon Aoooogah at 8:28 AM on November 10, 2015

If there's any consolation, let's hope he didn't cover his expenses.
posted by St. Hubbins at 8:37 AM on November 10, 2015

Buddy Ackerman should not be your spirit animal.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:28 AM on November 10, 2015

That selfie.
posted by greenland at 9:28 AM on November 10, 2015

Mathew chuckles and says hey to God, who it turns out is a fan.

How is this not an elaborate performance art piece?
posted by gottabefunky at 9:40 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Maybe he and Joe Jackson can team up for a road show of entertainment industry child-rearing/star-making "wisdom."
posted by the sobsister at 9:50 AM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Am I missing something, or is this guy the former manager of one of the most successful artists of all time, yet is reduced to running amateurish self-help seminars in hotels because he presumably failed to sew up his own royalties and contracts properly, in the way that is kind of page 1 for every aspiring music industry arsehole?
posted by colie at 10:34 AM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

you're missing his affairs and illegitimate children and the payoffs he sent for years (some from money he embezzled from his daughter & other artists) to try to keep it under wraps. that is also why he's persona non grata in the yonce sphere these days.
posted by nadawi at 10:41 AM on November 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

The lights dim, then go out, and a movie trailer-sounding voiceover starts to list inspirational business nouns over the sound system.

"Drive, determination, vision."

When I got here, this scene from Magnolia immediately jumped to mind.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:59 AM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Did he particularly do much actual managing?
posted by Artw at 11:19 AM on November 10, 2015

in the early days he certainly did. by the time it was a 3 person destiny's child, probably not. it's my impression that he was the ego maniac stage dad in the way for all of beyonce's solo career. she was keeping him along out of kindness and a sense of loyalty until his true nature was made public.
posted by nadawi at 11:59 AM on November 10, 2015

(and also because it benefited her to be the star managed by her dad while her mom sewed her costumes - it wasn't strictly altruism)
posted by nadawi at 12:00 PM on November 10, 2015

persona non grata in the yonce sphere

Even if this meant nothing in particular, I would still like the way it sounds when I repeat it to myself.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:58 PM on November 10, 2015 [8 favorites]

So the number of people who are amazingly successful in their who have written 'how to' books or courses etc is not huge. Can only really think of Stephen's King's On Writing.

As far as I can tell, here's the big secret:

1 Create something really good (there's a lot of free info out there that'll help you with the craft of whatever you are doing)
2 Put that something in front of people who can give you money for it, or money for further work, or increase your chances of it being seen by people who can give you money for it (ie word of mouth from your fanbase)
3 Be lucky (1 and 2 can help you with this... Gary Player: 'The more I practice the luckier I get'
4 Go back to 1

You can pay me later.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:49 AM on November 11, 2015 [1 favorite]