British People on Top of Tour Buses Look Generally Displeased

January 19, 2016 7:32 AM

There are benefits to exploring a new city on a bus tour—you get ferried around to all the best sites, you have an overly enthusiastic guide who will regale you with fun facts and helpful information, and, at the end, there will be a great place to buy souvenirs. The downside? The point when you realize you’re one of those people who take bus tours.
posted by veedubya (48 comments total)

My family and I have become Those People. We have had the chance to travel a lot in the last couple of years and one of the first things we do is book a bus tour that covers most of the sights. Then we can decide what we really want to go back and see properly, and get a feel for the layout of the place that you don't get from maps.

I'd like to think we don't look dour while we do it. Now I'll have to do another one to find out.
posted by tracicle at 7:37 AM on January 19, 2016 [7 favorites]

On our first visit to London and Bath my wife and I took used the bus tours and didn't regret a single moment of it. When you don't really get to leave home much and don't have a lot of time for vacation then just being able to SEE everything is exactly what you want. I read comments on Ask all the time being kind of condescendingly dismissive of "touristy stuff" but damnit sometimes that's just what is needed.
posted by charred husk at 7:43 AM on January 19, 2016 [17 favorites]

As opposed to the rest of the time when we're beaming for fucking joy innit.
posted by howfar at 7:44 AM on January 19, 2016 [62 favorites]

I would much rather be "one of those people" who doesn't think that such inconsequential actions as taking a bus tour defines someone in any meaningful way, really. It's freeing.
posted by clockzero at 7:44 AM on January 19, 2016 [19 favorites]

This being Britain, it's usually more freezing than freeing. This is why people on open-top buses look dour.
posted by Dysk at 7:48 AM on January 19, 2016 [7 favorites]

I can't find the article online, but a few years back NOW Magazine ran a piece by someone who had lived in Toronto their entire life and went on one of those guided tourist bus tours; maybe it was just the one they were on, but the guide constantly just made shit up.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:53 AM on January 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I would much rather be "one of those people" who doesn't think that such inconsequential actions as taking a bus tour defines someone in any meaningful way, really. It's freeing.

This American Life had a repeat episode from 2000 on where David Sedaris was talking about his experiences moving to and living in Paris. And he just comes across as so unbelievably douchey when he proudly talks about avoiding things like the Louvre because they're tourist things that you're "supposed" to do and he's above all that.

Like, the Louvre is amazing. If you don't care about art at all that's one thing, but to not go just because it's something tourists do and you're definitely no tourist is just stupid.
posted by Sangermaine at 7:57 AM on January 19, 2016 [39 favorites]

I got to take a bus tour of Boston as part of my grad school orientation, and it was probably the single most helpful thing I did to acclimate me to the city. Yes, I saw the touristy stuff, but I also got a sense of where to go for clothes and coffee. I specifically remember passing the Borders in Downtown Crossings (RIP) and thinking, "Ooh! Bookstore! Gotta figure out how to get back there!"
posted by timestep at 8:03 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

Then we can decide what we really want to go back and see properly, and get a feel for the layout of the place that you don't get from maps.

Yeah, same here. And it was a bigger deal in the pre-Streetview era.

I'm a huge fan of walking cities.

But the photo in the series with Arthur's Seat in it reminded me that after a few days of walking everywhere in Edinburgh, what with the cobbles and steep inclines, my knee was starting to bother me, even though it's not bothered be before or since. This in turn reminded me that not everyone has the mobility to go marching around places they are visiting.

So questionable narrations notwithstanding, a bus tour is a cheap an cheerful way to check a city out.

The photos are kind of neat. I always like the "here are people doing the same thing in different places" concept in photo projects.

I can't find the article online, but a few years back NOW Magazine ran a piece by someone who had lived in Toronto their entire life and went on one of those guided tourist bus tours; maybe it was just the one they were on, but the guide constantly just made shit up.

Our street has tour buses on it quite frequently. If we have our windows open, because we're above street level, we can hear the narration loud and clear when they're stopped at the light near our place. So we get a good sampling of what these tours are saying about our neighbourhood.

I've heard some utter bollocks. OTOH, I've heard some pretty enthusiastic guides who are right into it, and historically correct.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:04 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Had broken ankle surgery and my wife took us for our first ever large cruise ship vacation. There are people who tell me they often do this, is their preferred way of having fun; and there are those--like me--who hate this and would not do it...to each his own. Why should I think what I enjoy is preferable? It is preferable for ME. Live and let live.
posted by Postroad at 8:06 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I do all the touristy stuff when I travel but I have to admit a general prejudice against bus tours, because you don't get to set your own schedule. My husband and I spent a magical afternoon wandering and then watching the sun set at the El Jem Coliseum in Tunisia, and during that time we watched at least three busfuls of tourists come and go. It all seems so rushed! That said, I've just signed up for a bus tour to Stonehenge & Bath on my next trip to the UK because sometimes it does seem like it makes more sense than trying to navigate on your own.

I lived in Los Angeles for five years in my 20's and once when my parents visited we took one of those Star Homes bus tours from Hollywood Boulevard. It ended up being one of my favorite memories from my time living there. We saw some fun stuff! And on the way back to the depot the driver stopped to pick his kid up from school.
posted by something something at 8:07 AM on January 19, 2016

In the large cities where I've taken Bus Tours they are of the hop-on, hop-off variety, which means you can get off at any point and then back on (there or at another point) at any time for the duration of your ticket. If you are going to be doing a lot of travel across the city and back, stopping at multiple points along the way, it starts to rival public transportation on cost, and it has the advantage of being much simpler to navigate while still stopping very close to the major attractions.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:15 AM on January 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

And he just comes across as so unbelievably douchey when he proudly talks about avoiding things like the Louvre because they're tourist things that you're "supposed" to do and he's above all that.

When I went to the Louvre it was so unbearably crowded that it was not possible to enjoy it at all. The Musée d'Orsay on the hand was incredible and far far less crowded. I sometimes wonder if the people who recommend really tourist popular things are just all tall people.
posted by srboisvert at 8:17 AM on January 19, 2016 [13 favorites]

My morning commute takes me through Chinatown in Toronto.

Last summer I saw a busload full of Chinese tourists touring Chinatown where they were buying Canada-flag souvenirs that were likely made in China.

I came to the conclusion that I don't understand anything about anything or anyone.
posted by mhoye at 8:18 AM on January 19, 2016 [11 favorites]

I've just signed up for a bus tour to Stonehenge & Bath on my next trip to the UK...

I did that back in the spring. And I admit I had a certain wariness about doing a bus tour, but -- the guy knew what he was talking about, we saw everything, and it wasn't anything I could have done for myself. As with any tour, it totally depends on the guide, and we happened to have a really good one. He explained the whole history and different theories about Stonehenge on the way there, so by the time we arrived, we could skip the introductory movie and just head to the stones themselves. Massive time saver. Totally redeemed bus tours in my mind for the next time.

That there was a small bit of confusion on the way out about which of the ninety white buses was ours, and that I was directed to a wrong one, and I handed in my audio tour thing to the wrong person, and all because I was simply doing what I was told to do, and they asked me for my name and checked it against their list so it's not like it was my mistake now, was it -- neither here nor there.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:19 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I've been a tourist and a new local who has taken and enjoyed bus tours, and I'll echo others here who say they're fun and informative. Albuquerque has trolley tours that go beyond the usual sites, which is pretty neat, showing you more of what there is in the city, including notable homes (architecture-wise), various locations used and re-used for filming locations (there are a few Breaking Bad stops, of course, but there's a 3.5 hour tour of locations if you want even more).

Then again, I think it's been a while since I've been too cool for something.


srboisvert: I sometimes wonder if the people who recommend really tourist popular things are just all tall people.

I like this line and idea, and I will borrow it in the future.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:20 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Usually, the reason certain sites are touristy is because they are worth seeing. I've been to the Statue of Liberty, Chichen Itza, the Louvre, etc. The thing that makes you want to avoid them, though, is that they become so visitor-saturated, they lose their native context. You'll get a better Parisian experience at a side street boulengerie than in the Louvre, but that doesn't make the Louvre a bad experience, either.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:20 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

A lot of the things you learn about a city when you're a resident are utter bollocks as well. People go through their lives believing all sorts of historically-inaccurate folk legends about their own neighborhoods; that's just people. I tend to assume that when I show up in a new city I'm going to be told a lot of bullshit about it, whether I learn it from a tour guide or a new friend I make in a bar. If it's at least interesting bullshit then no harm done, and if I stay longer I may gradually learn the underlying truths. It's all part of the normal process of becoming acquainted with a new place, if you ask me.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:31 AM on January 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

maybe it was just the one they were on, but the guide constantly just made shit up.

Heh. Lots of cavers like to take commercial-cave tours, partly to hear the imaginative things that the guides say about caves. It's not universal, but some of them are astounding.

WRT the Boston bus tour, last I knew, the Duck boats allowed MA residents to ride for free, which I imagine tends to curtail the more egregious tall tales. Or maybe it is the source of them ...
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:41 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

When I went to the Louvre it was so unbearably crowded that it was not possible to enjoy it at all.

YES same, it was an unbearable stuffy hot overcrowded ordeal that was horribly reminiscent of a subway platform at rush hour on a summer friday, except instead of being crushed by surly commuters and possibly hurled in front of an oncoming train I was crushed by exhausted sweaty tourists and hurled in front of oncoming strollers.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:04 AM on January 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I used to be one of those overly enthusiastic guides who would regale you with fun facts and helpful information. The company I worked for did a lot of charter gigs, and I rarely worked a tour with dozens of people who arrived in ones and twos but usually a big organized (for certain values of "organized") group. Seniors groups and school groups were the two most common groups. The seniors were preferable in many ways: for one, I was often the youngest person on the bus and also the prettiest. For another, you can keep more of the history stuff on the tour in place -- nine-year-olds have a sharply limited appetite for hearing about where a post office used to be -- and finally, seniors tip better than grade-schoolers.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:12 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

We were in Turkey over the last Thanksgiving holiday, and boy let me tell you how we saw Istanbul. Went straight from the airport to a custom Harley shop in the most boho-chic neighborhood you've never even heard of because it's on the Asian side, and you probably stayed on the European side in your big red bus, amirite? Yeah, talked them into renting me the bad assest bike ever then we generally roared around town on that with no helmets on. We'd get coffee like in the smallest little indie-industrial places where all of the girls wore knitted hats and glasses with big trendy frames made from wood and all the guys vaped because smoking is so passe now.

OMG and the buses had the audacity to drive through these neighborhoods where we were getting our on-trend tattoos done to really prove our commitment to our visit there, because we were serious about visiting, so serious you couldn't even really call us tourists. We even learned like at least 4 or 5 words in Turkish so we could have some really meaningful conversations with the waiters in the hottest mezze joints you ever heard of, drinking the high end Raki that made you feel like you were sipping on unicorn urine. You don't even know, because you can't find that on your red bus tour. Losers.

We took lots of Uber boats around town too because that's the only way a real visitor to the city crosses the water, not on some outdated ferry OMG, seriously, am I right?

...

Actually we took a cab from the airport and stayed in cheap neighborhood hotels and generally enjoyed walking everywhere and using the public transit. We are young and healthy and had plenty of time on this vacation to enjoy seeing a lot of the local neighborhoods in between the bigger sights, so we had that luxury without getting on a red bus, but you know what I would have done if I only had 1-2 days in Istanbul? That's right, a bus tour. I probably would have learned a few things that we didn't find in our Lonely Planet or on the field trip app.

And we were bemused that Uber boats is actually a thing there.

But really, who cares about being seen in a red bus, unless you're like in high school and afraid someone might see you in one and think you're not cool or something? Heaven forbid. I see the red buses here in SF as a boon - they keep the tourists herded and not in front of me in line for the fish and chips stand. Everyone wins.

Now those goddam little yellow go-kart things they let tourists drive around on, those are a different story. Don't get me started.
posted by allkindsoftime at 9:17 AM on January 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

maybe it was just the one they were on, but the guide constantly just made shit up.

When we lived in Malaysia there were a lot of well-to-do housewives of ex-Houston with too much time on their hands while their CFO husband ran his mid-sized oil company. My wife ended up running with some of this crowd a little bit even though I had a meager job with a humanitarian organization after they took her under their wings at church.

One of them was a particular hoot - she liked the museums so much she became a docent at one of them. Made an earnest effort at learning the material she would present on at the museum - this one in particular was the textiles museum, but pretty soon realized that no international tourists frequented it, more in-country visitors to the big city, none of whom spoke a word of English. Well, she didn't know any Bahasa, so at one point she just decided to start telling wild tales about the Shroud of Turin and Sherlock's actual cloak and all kinds of other stuff.

I think I'd actually pay to go on a bullshit tour and just enjoy the creativity of it. This should be a thing.
posted by allkindsoftime at 9:23 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Displeased, I guess. Nothing compared to the double decker HoHo bus in Amsterdam. Every time that thing goes by, I've never seen such misery on faces.
posted by humboldt32 at 9:28 AM on January 19, 2016

There were a couple of Cacophony events in SF where we would have a bunch of people who were tourists, and a "guide" and go through tourist areas and the guide would announce weird and horrible things that had happened and point out strange land marks that were never there.

"on this corner was a bait store that was apparently selling cut up corpses for years before he was discovered to be responsible for the disappearance of at least nine orphans over the previous decade in the late 1800's"

You would get tourists listening in with varying results.
posted by boilermonster at 9:34 AM on January 19, 2016

in Philly there are tours where everybody is on a Segway. They sort of remind me of lazy stormtroopers, don't know why.
posted by angrycat at 9:54 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

maybe it was just the one they were on, but the guide constantly just made shit up.

Honestly depending on the guide that sounds like it might be more fun than a legit tour.
posted by Itaxpica at 10:19 AM on January 19, 2016

This American Life had a repeat episode from 2000 on where David Sedaris was talking about his experiences moving to and living in Paris. And he just comes across as so unbelievably douchey

This is redundant.
posted by Automocar at 10:26 AM on January 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

British People on Top of Tour Buses Look Generally Displeased...

In my recent experience tour guiding (on boats, not buses), they feel bad because their guide might be trying to distract them away from looking at their phones. People these days can't stand looking away from their phones – they might be missing something happening somewhere else.

... the guide constantly just made shit up.

I never see any reason to make things up while guiding. But that doesn't mean you have to talk about what's happening on the tour – you could start a discussion, say, about how the Republican candidates for president would look better with sex toys instead of guns.

A guy nicknamed Speed, in the heart of NYC, got so famous as the philosopher king of guides that someone made a movie about him, The Cruise. I find him kind of annoying, and am not that impressed with the way he works, but your (tour) mileage may vary.
posted by LeLiLo at 10:28 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nothing makes a Brit as miserable as being on holiday.

Also, bike tours in London and Paris are amazing ways to see the sights. Definitely recommended, A+++ WOULD BIKE AGAIN!
posted by blue_beetle at 10:29 AM on January 19, 2016

I'm not generally a tour person but have mellowed a bit in my old age (you know, over 30). Recently I was in New Orleans and it turns out that now you need to have a paid guide for St Louis #1 cemetery. I've been before but wanted my friend to see it, so we joined in with a tour about to go in.

It was pretty great because I not only learned some things I didn't know, but he was ALSO a pretty master bullshit artist, and his obviously well-practiced speeches were about as uninformative as you could possibly get while still having the appearance of a tour. It was amazing. Every time he'd ask "Any questions?" my internal response was "SO MANY!" But the few times I actually asked, I was answered with a pretty good bunch of nonsense that put off actually saying anything. The rest of the trip was fun, but that tour was so weird it was one of my favorite things that we did.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 10:31 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

And we were bemused that Uber boats is actually a thing there.

I just got an email from Uber today announcing Uber-Helicopters in Davos (Switzerland).

Of course.
posted by tracicle at 10:45 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

The daughter of a friend worked as a Duck Boat tour guide in our city while she was in college and a few years afterward. The local tours have a tradition that they have everyone on the bus/boat quack loudly at people on the sidewalk as they drive by. In those couple years after school, she met an Englishman, got married and moved to the UK. When she and her husband were walking in London about two years ago, they saw a duck boat full of tourists pulling up so they waved and made quacking noises at the tourists who all just stared stone-faced at them. Apparently Londoners don't approve of gratuitous quacking noises.
posted by octothorpe at 10:50 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

I love bus tours for the overview and sometimes access to places that would be logistically difficult in the context of a self-arranged tour, and I love walking ghost tours because they tend to take you to places that are interesting to walk, at an unusual time of day, without worrying about being arrested or otherwise regarded as suspicious or a threat.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:51 AM on January 19, 2016

tours where everybody is on a Segway

Yeah this happens in Chicago as well. Blech.

I guess I can't super-hate on tour buses, they make sense as long as the guides are reasonably well informed (especially the hop-on-hop-off ones, so you don't get rushed around). I'll save my loathing for the tourists who pour into Chicago and never get more than ten blocks from Navy Pier. I mean, you have amusementy-type-child-trap-money-sinks in your own city, do you not? You have Internets where you can shop at all the stores on Michigan Avenue. And the Bean. Oh God the Bean. It is a big hunk of metal that does not make you an awesome photographer.

Come, visit. Yes. Do the boat architectural tour and actually learn about the city that invented the Skyscraper. Walk along the riverfront and through Grant Park. Go to the museums.

But god forbid you travel into an actual neighborhood not populated by douche-yuppies. There is a whole, interesting and diverse city here, but River North ain't it.
posted by tivalasvegas at 10:57 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Living in the centre of the Lake District, one of the tourist hotspots, it isn't surprising in the least that the hardy souls who brave the open top sightseeing buses are less that delighted.

It has rained here every day, bar one since the 17 October 2015.
posted by quarsan at 11:52 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

maybe it was just the one they were on, but the guide constantly just made shit up.

I wanted to do a tour like this in Salem, MA where I would give a tour of Arkham, MA using "real world" landmarks, but the Powers That Be said no. They did not have a good answer as to how my made up stories about Miskatonic University are any different than the random ghost stories other guides insert into their tours. I guess I could have prodded more, but I was pretty dispirited and didn't want to move mountains to have the right to give a tour 99% of vistors would not want to take.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:01 PM on January 19, 2016

This American Life had a repeat episode from 2000 on where David Sedaris was talking about his experiences moving to and living in Paris. And he just comes across as so unbelievably douchey.

Well, Sedaris's shtick is to self-consciously underline his own unreasonable views and opinions for comedic effect, so this is probably intentional. He also says, "Why go to the one place in Paris where you're not allowed to smoke?"
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 12:04 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Walking around cities is one of my favorite things. Even so, I've always liked open-top hop-on hop-off bus tours, and I try to convince visiting friends to take them when they're here.

As Rock Steady points out, they're an effective way to get around, especially if you're planning to see some museums &c at a distance from each other.

The guide isn't the point. It's the literal overview of the city that's so good, especially if you can make your way to the very front of the bus so it's just you and the glorious spectacle below.
posted by tangerine at 12:49 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I live in Toronto and for the past two years I have taken my two small children on the hop on/hop off bus tour. It works for us because we can sit up top and then when they get tired we go below where they can sleep. Also because the tickets aren't named (just say adult or child) and are good for 3 days, we rotate out the second adult. So day one it was me, my husband and the kids and we got off near Union Station and went on the Skywalk and to the train museum, and then later to the Distillery District. Day two it was me and the kids joined by my mother and we did the train museum again. To be honest I think we'd had enough by day three but the two day adventure was a hoot and got us travelling to places in our own city that we would never go to on the same day normally (driving or transit would have been a pain).
posted by biggreenplant at 12:59 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

On the subject of terrible bus tours and Chinese people in Canada...

Jan Wong's Excellent Adventure (from 2004)

"Foreigners do this same itinerary in five or six days. We do it in three," our tour guide, Fontaine Cheng, said smugly. By "foreigners," she meant anyone not ethnically Chinese. The "Three-Day Luxury Tour of Eastern Canada" costs $373.23, including tax, hotels, Cantonese- and Mandarin-speaking guide and 1,500 kilometres on a bus.Had I shared a room, the tour would have cost even less and with four in a room -- as some of my Chinese bus mates had -- the price would have dropped to $139.23. A similar, four-day tour that starts in Vancouver whips through Kelowna, Vernon, Banff, Lake Louise, Salmon Arm, Kamloops and Okanagan and costs $399 a person.
posted by GuyZero at 1:05 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

The amphibian tour in Dublin is Viking themed and they give you plastic helmets and get you to yell at people when you're stopped at lights. It was very popular with resident then 8 year old and it was fun for me to have my old haunts narrated at speed.
posted by hfnuala at 1:23 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Once did a tour of St Malo "in English as I have learned from British visitors, traditionally called 'Smello'" said the guide earnestly.
posted by Segundus at 1:44 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

For the past several years, I've been spending two weeks every spring and two weeks every fall in a different European city. I've found that when I visit a large city, taking a hop-on-hop-off tour the first day is the easiest way to get my bearings. It also alerts me to places I might otherwise have skipped, or overlooked.

Once I've familiarized myself with the relative locations of things I want to explore, I use public transit to get from place to place.
posted by bcarter3 at 2:37 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I keep trying to develop a following for my intimate guided tours of seemingly pointless places like Beltsville, Maryland and the parts of the District of Columbia where I had amusing experiences with my high school girlfriend, Lurleen, but there does not seem to be a whole lot of money in it. Still, I can take you to the secret graveyard hidden in an industrial park where Louise Haslup is buried, whose epitaph reads "I DID THE BEST I COULD," because people should honor that about her.
posted by sonascope at 5:36 PM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

My old neighbourhood is part of one of the popular sightseeing bus routes in Victoria. Every morning during tourist season a bus full of early-rising vacationers would roll past while I waited for my bus to work. I am not a morning person, but I am Canadian, so I felt compelled to smile and wave no matter how desperately I wanted to be back under the covers. I always felt a special kinship with the surly teens, routed out of bed in order to learn about the history of Victoria. The saddest thing of all, though, is an empty sightseeing bus crawling through the streets, playing its recorded tour for nobody.
posted by atropos at 7:23 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I’m not a big fan of touristy things. I get irritated when I’m with people that have to check off all the tourist check boxes on a trip. But I have learned that tour buses are generally a good idea. You get an overview of the city and some idea where things are. I’ve never regretted taking one, unlike the big ferris wheel in London. Yes, still irritated.
posted by bongo_x at 9:26 PM on January 19, 2016

I haven't taken one yet, but if you're ever in Vienna, Austria and looking for a new kind of city tour, you may want to consider taking a guided tour of the city in a go-cart.

There's a time and place for everything. I've toured various destinations relying on many different methods of conveyance, including but not limited to walking, hiking, climbing, swimming and riding in or on a camel, donkey, elephant, Mongolian pony, quarter horse, horse-drawn carriage, horse-drawn sleigh, moped, snow mobile, ATV, bicycle, kayak, motorized canoe, airboat, auto, 4x4, taxi, limousine, motor boat, jet ski, river cruise ship, hang glider, tuk-tuk, cable car, train, subway, tram, Segway (once -- someone else organized and paid for it), and, yes, even the occasional tour bus.

It's all good...
posted by syzygy at 6:02 AM on January 21, 2016