Maybe I should have marinated the chicken a little longer
March 26, 2016 7:03 PM Subscribe
Excessively Candid FoodNetwork.com Recipe Reviews (SLNewYorker)
I had no idea this was A Thing but I love it. Two more awesome reviews from Stonkie's English peas link:
I bought some fresh English peas at the local market not knowing exactly how i would cook them. When i got home i Googled serving suggestions for the peas. I came across this wonderful recipe and figured i would give it a try. I figured out how to get the peas out of their pod by watching a video on YouTube... it wasn't that difficult and it got much easier as i developed my own technique for pea extraction. Unfortunately, the butter i buy is from a wholesale market, and it comes in 1 lb. rectangles (not cubed), so there are no helpful little marks to show you how much a 1/4 cup is... so i went from memory and cut out a chunk about what looked to be a half stick of butter. My thermometer doesn't say "warm" rating, so i just guessed and pulled the pan from stove after a few minutes.
I didn’t really like the result… it didn’t taste good. Then I remembered, I don’t like peas.
--
I would've given it 5 stars but the recipe was too complicated. Incredible show of technique though. Maybe you could do a video tutorial on this one because I was so lost.
posted by litera scripta manet at 8:21 PM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
I bought some fresh English peas at the local market not knowing exactly how i would cook them. When i got home i Googled serving suggestions for the peas. I came across this wonderful recipe and figured i would give it a try. I figured out how to get the peas out of their pod by watching a video on YouTube... it wasn't that difficult and it got much easier as i developed my own technique for pea extraction. Unfortunately, the butter i buy is from a wholesale market, and it comes in 1 lb. rectangles (not cubed), so there are no helpful little marks to show you how much a 1/4 cup is... so i went from memory and cut out a chunk about what looked to be a half stick of butter. My thermometer doesn't say "warm" rating, so i just guessed and pulled the pan from stove after a few minutes.
I didn’t really like the result… it didn’t taste good. Then I remembered, I don’t like peas.
--
I would've given it 5 stars but the recipe was too complicated. Incredible show of technique though. Maybe you could do a video tutorial on this one because I was so lost.
posted by litera scripta manet at 8:21 PM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
Th-that's not me at all! I won't be a funeral director...
My family absolutely loved this dish. Thank you, Food Network! I’ll confess: I did sprinkle about a half gram of cocaine in with the potato and mushroom mixture. Will definitely be making this again!
Yeah, that'll do it all right. (Seriously, though, a sprinkle of MSG can do basically the same thing taste-wise.)
posted by Rangi at 8:47 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
My family absolutely loved this dish. Thank you, Food Network! I’ll confess: I did sprinkle about a half gram of cocaine in with the potato and mushroom mixture. Will definitely be making this again!
Yeah, that'll do it all right. (Seriously, though, a sprinkle of MSG can do basically the same thing taste-wise.)
posted by Rangi at 8:47 PM on March 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
But then the broccoli forgot a few of its lines and tried to improvise, which was sort of hilarious and pathetic at the same time. That completely threw off the mushrooms, who panicked and started in on an a-cappella version of “Uptown Girl” while the potatoes just stood there like jackasses.
Some of this stuff is almost poetry...
posted by saulgoodman at 9:00 PM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
Some of this stuff is almost poetry...
posted by saulgoodman at 9:00 PM on March 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
Then I dressed my ferrets up as famous authors
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:00 PM on March 26, 2016 [22 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:00 PM on March 26, 2016 [22 favorites]
Commentary for Sandra Lee's Sensuous Chocolate Truffles (made from canned chocolate frosting and powdered sugar)
I made these just to try them out and give to my friend's kids. They didn't even want to touch them, and my buddy's wife got mad at me for trying to gross their kids out. Apparently they thought I made gag pastries too look like something else (animal leavings. When I assured them that it was food, the older kid (Bryan took one, and took a bite and told me that it was still gross.
I guess I got what I deserved for being too lazy to make them fudge like I promised. Learned my lesson, and don't do shortcuts anymore.
Looks like a shart.
You gotta hand it to Food Network for leaving these comments up.
posted by helmutdog at 11:43 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
I made these just to try them out and give to my friend's kids. They didn't even want to touch them, and my buddy's wife got mad at me for trying to gross their kids out. Apparently they thought I made gag pastries too look like something else (animal leavings. When I assured them that it was food, the older kid (Bryan took one, and took a bite and told me that it was still gross.
I guess I got what I deserved for being too lazy to make them fudge like I promised. Learned my lesson, and don't do shortcuts anymore.
Looks like a shart.
You gotta hand it to Food Network for leaving these comments up.
posted by helmutdog at 11:43 PM on March 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
My favorite of the Ortberg ones is “I just started Paleo yesterday, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to make this without the ingredients.” Too real.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:51 AM on March 27, 2016 [18 favorites]
posted by en forme de poire at 12:51 AM on March 27, 2016 [18 favorites]
Here's the relevant "know your meme" post. I'm surprised Deen's English Peas recipe didn't get taken down, since it seems like a lot of the other recipes that received this treatment met that fate.
I love these food network reviews almost as much as I love the Amazon customer reviews of binders that make fun of the whole Mitt Romney "binders of women" comment.
posted by litera scripta manet at 1:34 AM on March 27, 2016 [5 favorites]
I love these food network reviews almost as much as I love the Amazon customer reviews of binders that make fun of the whole Mitt Romney "binders of women" comment.
posted by litera scripta manet at 1:34 AM on March 27, 2016 [5 favorites]
TS,WM. (Too short, write more)
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:59 AM on March 27, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:59 AM on March 27, 2016 [6 favorites]
Thanks Johnny Wallflower, that was a near fall-to-the fall laugh I could well do with.
posted by peacay at 5:39 AM on March 27, 2016
posted by peacay at 5:39 AM on March 27, 2016
Reminds me of the ice-cube recipe reviews that were posted here about a year ago. The New Yorker still gets its fair share of snark for being holier than thou pretentious but it does still have some very clever writing. Chuckle-worthy, thanks for sharing.
posted by Fizz at 5:56 AM on March 27, 2016
posted by Fizz at 5:56 AM on March 27, 2016
Mallory and the crowd-sourced ones >>>>>>>>> the New Yorker
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:34 AM on March 27, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:34 AM on March 27, 2016 [4 favorites]
You gotta hand it to Food Network for leaving these comments up.
I used to work at their organization, in one department that built and maintained the platform to upload and manage content like profiles, comments, and reviews, right around the time that including social media and user-generated content on the web was becoming a big thing. The internal transition to using this system was rocky and not many people were well-trained to manage those parts of the site. So there was a time when it was possible for anything and everything to go live without any flagging/moderation options and it was a complete mess.
There were a handful of hilarious instances where tasteless or obscene images appeared in "fan pictures" sections of very popular show pages and people had to scramble behind-the-scenes to take them down. (The things people can do with sprinkles and cake icing!) However, one instance required us to involve law enforcement because it appeared to be an actual picture of a criminal situation, so then management understandably required a solution that would allow for completely active hands-on moderation by humans before anything saw the light of day.
From what I understand, that system is still in place. Which is to say, not only did they leave those comments up, but someone read and approved them to appear in the first place. I'm glad they haven't taken all the fun out of it!
posted by calcetinporfavor at 8:01 AM on March 27, 2016 [20 favorites]
I used to work at their organization, in one department that built and maintained the platform to upload and manage content like profiles, comments, and reviews, right around the time that including social media and user-generated content on the web was becoming a big thing. The internal transition to using this system was rocky and not many people were well-trained to manage those parts of the site. So there was a time when it was possible for anything and everything to go live without any flagging/moderation options and it was a complete mess.
There were a handful of hilarious instances where tasteless or obscene images appeared in "fan pictures" sections of very popular show pages and people had to scramble behind-the-scenes to take them down. (The things people can do with sprinkles and cake icing!) However, one instance required us to involve law enforcement because it appeared to be an actual picture of a criminal situation, so then management understandably required a solution that would allow for completely active hands-on moderation by humans before anything saw the light of day.
From what I understand, that system is still in place. Which is to say, not only did they leave those comments up, but someone read and approved them to appear in the first place. I'm glad they haven't taken all the fun out of it!
posted by calcetinporfavor at 8:01 AM on March 27, 2016 [20 favorites]
Epicurious recipe reviews for salted boiled water.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:32 PM on March 27, 2016
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:32 PM on March 27, 2016
I'm pretty sure ferret Oscar Wilde would prefer onion soup made from scratch. Not his best epigram, but indicative, "Either this wallpaper goes or I'll gnaw through the lamp cord again".
posted by Chitownfats at 10:17 PM on March 27, 2016
posted by Chitownfats at 10:17 PM on March 27, 2016
Epicurious recipe reviews for salted boiled water.
My sister once called to ask how much a pinch of salt is.
posted by mumimor at 1:52 AM on March 28, 2016
My sister once called to ask how much a pinch of salt is.
posted by mumimor at 1:52 AM on March 28, 2016
when I was 13, Mom went to visit family for a few weeks so I was left in charge of all cooking and cleaning. I was really pissed off. One day 17yr old brother (known at home as "murder-the-loaf" for his late night snacks consisting off a loaf of bread, butter and a gallon of milk) came to me with a small pot, an egg, and asked "do I need to put water into this to boil the egg?"
I stared....
Said' No"
cue M-t-L repainting kitchen ceiling before Mum got back wondering probably to this day why his egg didn't work out.
But it all turned out OK because Mom found him a woman who did everything for him she did (hopefully a tad more), showed her where to buy his underpants and he married her.
posted by Wilder at 2:08 AM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
I stared....
Said' No"
cue M-t-L repainting kitchen ceiling before Mum got back wondering probably to this day why his egg didn't work out.
But it all turned out OK because Mom found him a woman who did everything for him she did (hopefully a tad more), showed her where to buy his underpants and he married her.
posted by Wilder at 2:08 AM on March 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
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I tried to resist, I really really did
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:52 PM on March 26, 2016 [6 favorites]