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Nudist World Domination!
April 6, 2002 8:03 PM   Subscribe

Nudist World Domination! Yes, you read that correctly. They're naked and they're taking over the world. They claim to have weapons of "mass declothesification". I, for one, surrender. (no pr0n, very mild nudity)
posted by jonmc (32 comments total)

 
[crickets]

A sad day when marauding nudists warrant no attention. With all the mideast brouhaha and whatnot, I figured we could use something lighthearted. my bad.
posted by jonmc at 8:42 PM on April 6, 2002


Now, even the crickets have fled. Apparently they're not fans of self-pity.
posted by Optamystic at 8:54 PM on April 6, 2002


Et tu, opty? :)
posted by jonmc at 8:59 PM on April 6, 2002


Well, Eduardo Galeano was
forced into exile form his native Uruguay for writing Open Veins of Latin America, a subversive work that covered 500 years of imperialism in Latin America. It nearly got him killed, and the book which gave a sense of empathy and hope to many piss poor and exploited people was considered punishable contraband for decades, so it was nice to see him get some recognition, finally, there at the top of this wingnut's call for all of the fat, hairy, and gross people of the world to shed the only thing that keeps me from killing them, so, well, there's that.
posted by dong_resin at 9:00 PM on April 6, 2002


disappearing clothes
humans mating like bunnies
pancakes for breakfast
posted by SpecialK at 9:19 PM on April 6, 2002


cool, at least we'll get some haikus out of this turkey....

coldchef, paging mr.coldchef?!!!
posted by jonmc at 9:21 PM on April 6, 2002


I would like to support the cause of nudism, because I happen to find clothes unnecessarily expensive. However, I've seen myself in the mirror naked and for that reason alone I think nudism should be irrevocably destroyed in order to save humanity from itself. I imagine my naked body's just about average, so at least half of humanity should keep their clothes on. I should at least wait until I can lose this beer gut before I go on any buff parades.

Ultimately it's not a matter of manners or religious proclivity. It's a matter of aesthetics. Clothing allows people to accentuate their positives and delineate their negatives. That's what the fashion industry is all about.

Still, if nudism became the norm instead of the aberration, it's very possible that would improve the overall health of human beings, because people would become more self-conscious about being obese or otherwise malnourished. Unfortunately this would mean those who regardless of diet & exercise still cannot improve their physical condition (due to glandular problems or other medical issues) would more readily become outcasts or freaks. There are some who would argue that clothing makes little to no difference in this area, in which case embracing nudism would be irrelevant to them.

We'd never get anything done though. Imagine free nudism practiced in an office environment. No one would be able to concentrate. Morale might go up but productivity would hit rock bottom, and more companies would go into bankruptcy. It would mean the end to the corporate world as we know it.

...I'm somehow talking myself into this being a good idea.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:28 PM on April 6, 2002


I welcome the idea. Plus, it would make politics much simpler.

Referee: Sorry, Ariel. Yassir's got you beat by at least an inch. Recall the tanks, and thank you for playing.
posted by Optamystic at 9:38 PM on April 6, 2002


jonmc: Coldchef has (temporarily, we hope) left the building.
posted by yhbc at 9:47 PM on April 6, 2002


[robot voice]

weeping...weeping

[/robot voice]
posted by jonmc at 9:50 PM on April 6, 2002


dude. stop the robot voice. it's creeping me out.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:57 PM on April 6, 2002


Still, if nudism became the norm instead of the aberration, it's very possible that would improve the overall health of human beings, because people would become more self-conscious about being obese or otherwise malnourished.

It seems to me that most nudists are absotively posilutely NOT the type of people you'd want to see naked. All the pictures I've seen of nudists have sworn me off the idea. In theory it sounds like big fun, but in practice it's just a lot of big people.
posted by dogmatic at 10:02 PM on April 6, 2002


In theory it sounds like big fun, but in practice it's just a lot of big people.

Well, dogmatic, if hitting nude beaches and whatnot has taught me anything it's that "big people" look better naked than the skinny folk. That kind of acceptance of different body types seems to be part and parcel of the nudist philosphy anyway, from what I've seen.
posted by jonmc at 10:05 PM on April 6, 2002


disappearing clothes
humans die off in disgust
bunnies take over
posted by epimorph at 11:32 PM on April 6, 2002


It we were marsupials... perhaps. But I just can't condone a lifestyle that excludes pockets. Yeah, yeah, there are fanny packs, but that's kind of a step in the wrong direction down the evolutionary ladder now isn't it?
posted by Nothing at 11:34 PM on April 6, 2002


Yes, I have lived in Austin, and I have seen what dwells at Hippie Hollow. It's not pretty. In fact, it's downright spooky.

No sir, I am against the whole concept of a nude populace. Now, all those pretty kids who hang out in South Beach, Miami....they can be naked all they want, anywhere they want. That's ornamental.

But regular people? Nobody wants that. Eeek. :)
posted by dejah420 at 12:10 AM on April 7, 2002


Luckily for those of us who care about aesthetics, there are only a few places in the world that are warm enough all year long to sustain nudists. Unfortunately for me, I happen to be living in one of those places...
posted by epimorph at 12:25 AM on April 7, 2002


I also see clothing as a shield, not to hide our shame, but to cover up those things that we'd rather not want to look at while we communicate with each other. I believe that we need not to pay attention to people's thoughts and feelings when their nakedness is splayed out before us.

Besides, do I really need to see your ass? Come on, give me a real reason why I need to look at your ass...
posted by Down10 at 1:37 AM on April 7, 2002


Initial post: 8:03

Crickets: 8:42

Jon, you are so spoiled! Your posts get more comments in an hour than mine do in 3 days.
posted by iconomy at 5:21 AM on April 7, 2002


*Bends over, shoves a pair of dentures in his ass, and does the prologue from Henry V, just for Down10*
posted by dong_resin at 5:52 AM on April 7, 2002


Can this cockpit hold
The vasty fields of France? Or may we cram
Within this wooden O the very casques
That did affright the air at Agincourt?
posted by pracowity at 6:18 AM on April 7, 2002


Jon, you are so spoiled!

I am not! Matt, make her stop saying that! Someone fetch my ceremonial solid gold mefi beer goblet and mow my mink lawn! Make iconomy be my freind again! WAAAH!
posted by jonmc at 6:51 AM on April 7, 2002


Everyone else can run around naked for all I care. As for me, I'm always cold and if a nudist state were enacted I'd likely freeze to death, especially in any indoor climate controlled situation. I'd have to get my employer to provide a heat rock in my cubicle so I could lay on it all day like an iguana and right now, I have a hard time getting my employer to provide White Out so I'm not holding my breath for a damn heat rock, you know?
posted by jennyb at 6:54 AM on April 7, 2002


Paging Maxwell Smart ... surely this must be opposed with a policy of Mutual Assured Declothesificiation.
posted by dhartung at 8:36 AM on April 7, 2002


Matt, make her stop saying that!

*laff*

I'm that person who, when offered a million dollars to walk down the street naked, would say no without reservation. People that strip at the drop of a hat (I know there's a joke in there somewhere, jon) will find that hard to understand. I need my clothes, ok? And, like jennyb said, I too am always freezing.

Has anyone else ever dreamed that they're back in high school, and naked? Sure you have. Has anyone else ever dreamed that they're back in high school, and they've lost their schedule and can't figure out where to go or how to get to class? Sure you have. But have you ever dreamed that you've lost your schedule while you're naked? Of course, you would have no pockets to put the schedule in, since you have no clothes on, but that's besides the point.
posted by iconomy at 5:17 PM on April 7, 2002


People that strip at the drop of a hat (I know there's a joke in there somewhere, jon)

Ummm, I think Joe Cocker said it best, iconomy ;)
posted by jonmc at 5:51 PM on April 7, 2002


My dreams went from the "naked at school/the mall and so dreadfully embarassed" to "naked out in public and no one notices."

I think that means I've developed a healthy attitude towards nudity. It's just a body. It ain't got nuttin' no other body has. Isn't particularly eye-grabbing, nor particularly repulsive. It just is.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:41 PM on April 7, 2002


Ummm, I think Joe Cocker said it best, iconomy

(Joe might have sung it, but Randy Newman wrote it.)
posted by rodii at 6:55 PM on April 7, 2002


(Joe might have sung it, but Randy Newman wrote it.)

D'oh! That's right, rodii. The acolyte is once again humbled by the master. :)
posted by jonmc at 7:16 PM on April 7, 2002


I've never had the dream of being naked in high school or anywhere. My stance on nudity is that I don't have a problem with it in private, but I'm not sure how many other people I really want to see naked. Personally, I don't have any shame, but I'm never naked in front of anyone who doesn't want to see me naked. Generally the only people who've seen me has been my S.O. and a few friends.
posted by stoneegg21 at 11:33 PM on April 7, 2002


So do you change out on the benches at the pool, or are you one of those sad people who changes in the toilet stall, along with all the urine and fecal matter?
posted by five fresh fish at 8:52 AM on April 8, 2002


So do you change out on the benches at the pool, or are you one of those sad people who changes in the toilet stall, along with all the urine and fecal matter?

There are plenty of people who change in changing rooms not because they wouldn't be comfortable with changing in public, but because the rest of the people at the pool wouldn't be. I guess it's the fault of my hippie parents that I really don't care if someone sees me without clothes, and have a hard time understanding why it's such a big deal (I never got why people suggested imagining the audience naked to calm you down, e.g.).

I'm not saying i walk around naked all the time, but aside from keeping warm, that's because it would seriously complicate my interactions with the world. NYC has a law that it's legal for women to have their shirts off anywhere men can, & I've taken advantage of that here and there, on hot days in the park or whatever, and the problem is, people stare and comment and freak out and otherwise react in ways that they wouldn't otherwise. So even though there are no legal issues, there are lotsa social issues - you can't be casual about nudity in this society. You have to be an exhibitionist, or not be naked. You can't simply enjoy the sun or water on your skin.
posted by mdn at 10:48 PM on April 8, 2002


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