We don't know you like that
October 19, 2016 8:59 AM Subscribe
"However, our race-based skepticism actually makes us nicer. Because of what we see on TV and movies, we assume all White people are one bad breakup or firing away from becoming a serial killer. I know that’s very prejudiced, but just like how your kin clutch their purses when we pass them in parking lots of Target, Black people will be nice to you for the first three months because they want to be the one person you spare when you go on your shooting spree."-The Caucasian's guide to Black neighborhoods
I spent the better part of a decade being one of the few white folks in a working-class neighborhood in a decaying northeastern city. Wasn't that much to it except for the fact that the kids downstairs from us used to jump on the bed when I played my music loud and called me " rock and roll Jon," which kinda caught on.
posted by jonmc at 9:08 AM on October 19, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by jonmc at 9:08 AM on October 19, 2016 [13 favorites]
I freely admit that I wish there was someone on my block making plates. After eight years here, observation suggests to me that there's not. Nearby, maybe, but I don't live nearby. Of course, my block and my neighborhood are Latinx, Somali, Native and old white people who have been here since the 1970s, so maybe it's different. We do get Indian tacos, frybread and occasional visits from a lady with a pupusa cart.
I worry, honestly, because I'm super introverted and don't know my neighbors and I hope I don't come across as an asshole. I try to be friendly and polite and say hi, but I'm a nerdy weirdo with nerd glasses and I talk funny, and I know from past experience that most regular people look at me and think I'm weird. Nerds of any background, that's different, but sadly although there are some nerdy/arty people a couple of blocks away (so I see them at the store) they're not close by enough for me to run into them regularly.
posted by Frowner at 9:17 AM on October 19, 2016 [7 favorites]
I worry, honestly, because I'm super introverted and don't know my neighbors and I hope I don't come across as an asshole. I try to be friendly and polite and say hi, but I'm a nerdy weirdo with nerd glasses and I talk funny, and I know from past experience that most regular people look at me and think I'm weird. Nerds of any background, that's different, but sadly although there are some nerdy/arty people a couple of blocks away (so I see them at the store) they're not close by enough for me to run into them regularly.
posted by Frowner at 9:17 AM on October 19, 2016 [7 favorites]
what do they do with all that milk, tho?
i also now want some macaroni and cheese.
You answered your own question, I think.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:22 AM on October 19, 2016 [21 favorites]
i also now want some macaroni and cheese.
You answered your own question, I think.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:22 AM on October 19, 2016 [21 favorites]
I am somewhat embarassed to admit that I don't actually know if white people really knock on people's doors with pies or if it's just a stereotype. But either way, I'm Hispanic, but that would still freak me the fuck out. And I feed strangers all the damn time.
posted by corb at 9:52 AM on October 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by corb at 9:52 AM on October 19, 2016 [4 favorites]
I am somewhat embarassed to admit that I don't actually know if white people really knock on people's doors with pies or if it's just a stereotype.
I can confirm that this is a stereotype as I am much more likely to bring cookies.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:55 AM on October 19, 2016 [33 favorites]
I can confirm that this is a stereotype as I am much more likely to bring cookies.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:55 AM on October 19, 2016 [33 favorites]
Oh wait shit do savory pies count? When our former neighbor's wife left him I did bring him a chicken pot pie. Fuck.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:56 AM on October 19, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:56 AM on October 19, 2016 [11 favorites]
On a related note, this oldie but goodie: Black People Love Us!
posted by fuse theorem at 10:10 AM on October 19, 2016
posted by fuse theorem at 10:10 AM on October 19, 2016
During my brief stint as the only white dude working at a hip hop studio in Queens (think DJ Qualls's role in Hustle & Flow) I never, ever felt the urge to use the n-word, even when it was used (kindly) on me. That whole white desire befuddles me to no end.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:12 AM on October 19, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:12 AM on October 19, 2016 [11 favorites]
If I bring you cookies it is because my husband's band will be practicing and I don't want you to call the cops because you liked them so much.
He does more computer-based stuff these days so this hasn't happened in a while, which is too bad because I make pretty good cookies.
I laughed at this but the whole time I was wondering "Wait is it ok for me to laugh at this?"
posted by emjaybee at 10:12 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
He does more computer-based stuff these days so this hasn't happened in a while, which is too bad because I make pretty good cookies.
I laughed at this but the whole time I was wondering "Wait is it ok for me to laugh at this?"
posted by emjaybee at 10:12 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
Great article.
Didn't live in a black neighborhood, but I taught public school in one, and everything in that article is true and accurate. Whether it's row homes, the projects, whatever... there is far more "community" in the black community than in a white neighborhood. White neighborhoods are siloed with everybody keeping to themselves, and if you know your neighbors, it's the house on either side of your own. In a black community, everybody knows everybody, shops with everybody, goes to church with everybody, and keeps an eye on everybody's kids. Found that out at parent teacher conferences where if a teacher isn't liked, withing about a day and a half of the incident in question, you are disliked by the whole neighborhood, not just the parent you pissed off. The good news is it works the other way as well. Demonstrate a little understanding/goodwill/empathy/help to a kid in a difficult situation, and news of that spreads just as quickly. It sounds a little unnerving, but the great thing about this is that you are given instant feedback. Go to a service at a black church and watch the reactions to the minister, especially if it's a guest preacher. If he's doing a good job working the crowd with his message, you'll hear exclamations like "Yes sir!" "Amen!" and some James Brown-esque "Uh!"'s. If he's tanking, you'll hear something like "Help him Jesus!"
Plus the soul food joint with the "C-" health inspector rating makes some of the best fried chicken and collards you're likely to eat.
(I'm sure there are differneces from area to area, but this was my experience, and the article's author I thought nailed it.)
posted by prepmonkey at 10:19 AM on October 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
Didn't live in a black neighborhood, but I taught public school in one, and everything in that article is true and accurate. Whether it's row homes, the projects, whatever... there is far more "community" in the black community than in a white neighborhood. White neighborhoods are siloed with everybody keeping to themselves, and if you know your neighbors, it's the house on either side of your own. In a black community, everybody knows everybody, shops with everybody, goes to church with everybody, and keeps an eye on everybody's kids. Found that out at parent teacher conferences where if a teacher isn't liked, withing about a day and a half of the incident in question, you are disliked by the whole neighborhood, not just the parent you pissed off. The good news is it works the other way as well. Demonstrate a little understanding/goodwill/empathy/help to a kid in a difficult situation, and news of that spreads just as quickly. It sounds a little unnerving, but the great thing about this is that you are given instant feedback. Go to a service at a black church and watch the reactions to the minister, especially if it's a guest preacher. If he's doing a good job working the crowd with his message, you'll hear exclamations like "Yes sir!" "Amen!" and some James Brown-esque "Uh!"'s. If he's tanking, you'll hear something like "Help him Jesus!"
Plus the soul food joint with the "C-" health inspector rating makes some of the best fried chicken and collards you're likely to eat.
(I'm sure there are differneces from area to area, but this was my experience, and the article's author I thought nailed it.)
posted by prepmonkey at 10:19 AM on October 19, 2016 [6 favorites]
I laughed at this but the whole time I was wondering "Wait is it ok for me to laugh at this?"
We're discussing this in the Caucasian Laughter committee and we'll let you know the final vote tally in a few.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:22 AM on October 19, 2016 [37 favorites]
We're discussing this in the Caucasian Laughter committee and we'll let you know the final vote tally in a few.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:22 AM on October 19, 2016 [37 favorites]
one time a random 50something white lady knocked on the door of my apartment - not rang the downstairs outside doorbell, but knocked on the front door, already inside the building. i opened the door and she asked for someone who was neither me nor one of the previous 2 tenants (i knew their names from unforwarded mail). when i said "sorry, that person doesn't live here" the lady was like "are you sure?" and tried to push past me into my own home. i clotheslined her with my forearm and said YEAH IM PRETTY FUCKING SURE and slammed the door in her face. the entire interaction was so incredibly fucking weird, but til the day i die i will always, always regret not calling the police to report a suspicious white lady in my building.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2016 [47 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 10:31 AM on October 19, 2016 [47 favorites]
I don't know whether where I live counts as a "white neighborhood" really but it's the white people who keep trying to greet me and how-ya-doin' and making all this uncomfortably extended eye contact. I can't tell whether it's a regional thing or whether they're entertained by my obvious discomfort or what. If that is siloed then I want a refund on mine.
posted by inconstant at 10:40 AM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by inconstant at 10:40 AM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Nah, uncomfortable eye contact and unsolicited greetings/well-wishes are a hallmark of the White South as well as the Midwest. Not as much further up the Atlantic coast.
posted by a halcyon day at 10:48 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by a halcyon day at 10:48 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
So here is a question: how much interaction is appropriate in casual neighborhood situations? I usually try to take my cues from the other person, but I am, as I say, hugely introverted and would probably never speak to strangers if I had my druthers.
But here is the deal: I'm always torn between "don't make eye contact with people because maybe they will say homophobic shit or shove you around" (both of which have happened to me) and "I worry that I will make POC feel bad if I am withdrawn, because it will read as racist refusal to engage". And I have actually had a conversation with a guy in my neighborhood about this because he started saying to me that my lack of interaction seemed like I was afraid of him. (Granted, he was like sixteen so had his own teenage insecurity issues too.)
And the point is that on one level, I'm really anxious around straight-appearing people in general, because I have had enough bad interactions to make me hypervigilant, so it's true that I'm not exactly matey with strangers in public settings unless they start chatting pleasantly. (I try to be pleasant when people seem to want to interact.)
So the point is, I do not know how best to act. I can only hope that, like, most people have better things to worry about than a trivial interaction with me.
posted by Frowner at 10:49 AM on October 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
But here is the deal: I'm always torn between "don't make eye contact with people because maybe they will say homophobic shit or shove you around" (both of which have happened to me) and "I worry that I will make POC feel bad if I am withdrawn, because it will read as racist refusal to engage". And I have actually had a conversation with a guy in my neighborhood about this because he started saying to me that my lack of interaction seemed like I was afraid of him. (Granted, he was like sixteen so had his own teenage insecurity issues too.)
And the point is that on one level, I'm really anxious around straight-appearing people in general, because I have had enough bad interactions to make me hypervigilant, so it's true that I'm not exactly matey with strangers in public settings unless they start chatting pleasantly. (I try to be pleasant when people seem to want to interact.)
So the point is, I do not know how best to act. I can only hope that, like, most people have better things to worry about than a trivial interaction with me.
posted by Frowner at 10:49 AM on October 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
I'm so glad to know this is satire. It is satire, yes?
I grew up in a majority black neighborhood, that, once I was in college, I learned was in the poorest area of Milwaukee—and it was NOTHING like this for me, except for knowing who the dope guy was at the corner store on 35th and Hadley, and that was the teenaged son of the Palestinian man who owned the store. I always wondered if the owner knew what his son was up to.
The few white folks who did live there were ladies so old that they couldn't afford to leave, and I don't recall seeing them get visitors. They also didn't get robbed. I have no idea why they didn't get robbed. Shoot, someone broke into our flat when I was little and left without taking anything. We had nothing of value! The only working-age white people I ever saw in our area were cops, meter readers/building inspectors/social workers, landlords and the occasional white woman who was with one of the neighborhood dudes of the kind I was warned about, and she'd be usually fighting with an equally pitiable black woman over him in the streets. Oh, and the rich dudes who rolled up in Mercedes and the like from the suburbs, looking for drugs and sex. I was actually accosted at age 16 by one of those fellows at sundown on a Sunday. I guess in his mind, my polyester McDonald's uniform was code for "underage hooker".
My aunt was standoffish and aloof towards the other neighbors, and she didn't let us go outside much to play, so maybe I didn't see this community because we were not part of it. We didn't go to the same churches, we didn't know the gossip about other neighbors, nor did we socialize with them. I was the weirdo mixed-race "oreo" kid who liked Monty Python, and went to the "rich kids" public schools far from the area, while the other kids went to local schools together, and they didn't take to me. I wouldn't have been allowed to socialize with them, anyway. My cousin, on the other hand, got into all sorts of trouble running with the boys around the way, when he was not in juvie. As was his wont, he didn't gossip or care about gossip except to learn which girl might put out. These boys had no problem going around with bike chains to whip other teens they were having beefs with, male or female, and I saw that happen to other boys a couple of times. I was too small and scared to think to call the cops. I was convinced that they'd learn I told and would get a savage beatdown from them. Plus, yeah, the cops usually made things worse. None of the adults wanted to confront a group of angry boys, either. The whole area was a mess.
The neighborhood was bad enough that the day I moved into my freshman dorm in college, I cried. A tiny, shitty dorm room that I had to share with a mean girl who looked down on me, but one set in a beautiful Victorian building on a bucolic campus overlooking a blue lake, surrounded by trees, was a million times better than any beautiful old Victorian house on my old block. Those houses were falling apart, in any case.
I'd heard of tight neighborhoods like this, though. And when I was younger, I wondered why our block hadn't been like The Women of Brewster Place in that "community" sense. Maybe everyone would have needed to be one class up, like working class? And not straight-up poverty-stricken? I don't know. My aunt worked, but her salary was so bad we couldn't move. When the protests happened in Milwaukee this past summer, I wasn't surprised to see that the area is nowhere near to becoming gentrified. The main protest happened 4 blocks from my old flat.
posted by droplet at 10:57 AM on October 19, 2016 [11 favorites]
I grew up in a majority black neighborhood, that, once I was in college, I learned was in the poorest area of Milwaukee—and it was NOTHING like this for me, except for knowing who the dope guy was at the corner store on 35th and Hadley, and that was the teenaged son of the Palestinian man who owned the store. I always wondered if the owner knew what his son was up to.
The few white folks who did live there were ladies so old that they couldn't afford to leave, and I don't recall seeing them get visitors. They also didn't get robbed. I have no idea why they didn't get robbed. Shoot, someone broke into our flat when I was little and left without taking anything. We had nothing of value! The only working-age white people I ever saw in our area were cops, meter readers/building inspectors/social workers, landlords and the occasional white woman who was with one of the neighborhood dudes of the kind I was warned about, and she'd be usually fighting with an equally pitiable black woman over him in the streets. Oh, and the rich dudes who rolled up in Mercedes and the like from the suburbs, looking for drugs and sex. I was actually accosted at age 16 by one of those fellows at sundown on a Sunday. I guess in his mind, my polyester McDonald's uniform was code for "underage hooker".
My aunt was standoffish and aloof towards the other neighbors, and she didn't let us go outside much to play, so maybe I didn't see this community because we were not part of it. We didn't go to the same churches, we didn't know the gossip about other neighbors, nor did we socialize with them. I was the weirdo mixed-race "oreo" kid who liked Monty Python, and went to the "rich kids" public schools far from the area, while the other kids went to local schools together, and they didn't take to me. I wouldn't have been allowed to socialize with them, anyway. My cousin, on the other hand, got into all sorts of trouble running with the boys around the way, when he was not in juvie. As was his wont, he didn't gossip or care about gossip except to learn which girl might put out. These boys had no problem going around with bike chains to whip other teens they were having beefs with, male or female, and I saw that happen to other boys a couple of times. I was too small and scared to think to call the cops. I was convinced that they'd learn I told and would get a savage beatdown from them. Plus, yeah, the cops usually made things worse. None of the adults wanted to confront a group of angry boys, either. The whole area was a mess.
The neighborhood was bad enough that the day I moved into my freshman dorm in college, I cried. A tiny, shitty dorm room that I had to share with a mean girl who looked down on me, but one set in a beautiful Victorian building on a bucolic campus overlooking a blue lake, surrounded by trees, was a million times better than any beautiful old Victorian house on my old block. Those houses were falling apart, in any case.
I'd heard of tight neighborhoods like this, though. And when I was younger, I wondered why our block hadn't been like The Women of Brewster Place in that "community" sense. Maybe everyone would have needed to be one class up, like working class? And not straight-up poverty-stricken? I don't know. My aunt worked, but her salary was so bad we couldn't move. When the protests happened in Milwaukee this past summer, I wasn't surprised to see that the area is nowhere near to becoming gentrified. The main protest happened 4 blocks from my old flat.
posted by droplet at 10:57 AM on October 19, 2016 [11 favorites]
Wait? White people bring pies over to stranger's homes in the US? America is a very different place. That has never ever happened to me in Canada. I'd love for people to bring free baked goods over to my house. As long as they are not gluten free.
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:28 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:28 AM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I don't know whether where I live counts as a "white neighborhood" really but it's the white people who keep trying to greet me and how-ya-doin' and making all this uncomfortably extended eye contact. I can't tell whether it's a regional thing or whether they're entertained by my obvious discomfort or what. If that is siloed then I want a refund on mine.
Whoa. Now that I look back on it, every one of these uncomfortable interactions in my neighborhood has been with other white people. I don't ever recall any of the PoC here trying to make eye contact with me and chat me up just for walking by them on the sidewalk.
posted by indubitable at 11:40 AM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Whoa. Now that I look back on it, every one of these uncomfortable interactions in my neighborhood has been with other white people. I don't ever recall any of the PoC here trying to make eye contact with me and chat me up just for walking by them on the sidewalk.
posted by indubitable at 11:40 AM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
Oh my god, plates. Yes. Yeesssss.
Charlie (who I think was Miss Pamela on the weekends) made some crazy good plates of BBQ back in Columbus, GA. I'm pretty sure this was what he did for a living. A couple days a month, the word would come through the neighborhood or lab where i worked, "Charlie's cookin' for lunch!" It was hard to find parking and there would be a line around the block. If you were white and in the line, you needed to be with somebody who could vouch for you being "cool." Thank you, Calvin, for vouching for me.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:43 AM on October 19, 2016 [3 favorites]
Charlie (who I think was Miss Pamela on the weekends) made some crazy good plates of BBQ back in Columbus, GA. I'm pretty sure this was what he did for a living. A couple days a month, the word would come through the neighborhood or lab where i worked, "Charlie's cookin' for lunch!" It was hard to find parking and there would be a line around the block. If you were white and in the line, you needed to be with somebody who could vouch for you being "cool." Thank you, Calvin, for vouching for me.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:43 AM on October 19, 2016 [3 favorites]
Wait? White people bring pies over to stranger's homes in the US?
Ha, I have lived in my mostly non-white neighborhood for about a year now and the only people to bring me baked goodies in that time were some white hippies down the street who baked me a delicious pie using peaches from my front yard. So, for me at least, yes.
posted by ch3ch2oh at 12:58 PM on October 19, 2016
Ha, I have lived in my mostly non-white neighborhood for about a year now and the only people to bring me baked goodies in that time were some white hippies down the street who baked me a delicious pie using peaches from my front yard. So, for me at least, yes.
posted by ch3ch2oh at 12:58 PM on October 19, 2016
At our place in semi-rural Maine, we have a couple of older neighbours (it's Maine, do I even have to specify that they're white?) who brought us over some veggies from their gardens when they saw our U-Haul parked out front. But I think that might have been motivated by ugh-what-are-we-gonna-do-with-all-these-vegetables as much as anything else.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:05 PM on October 19, 2016
posted by tobascodagama at 1:05 PM on October 19, 2016
Why the dishwasher hate, though?
posted by Mchelly at 1:10 PM on October 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Mchelly at 1:10 PM on October 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
I lived in a house in a mixed black, Asian, and white neighborhood from 26-33, and the only problem I ever had with a black person was when my black ex (she was the one who wanted to break up) showed up when I was away from the house one day, and kind of terrorized my white girlfriend, who was four inches taller, thirty pounds heavier, and easily twice as strong, but whose ability to talk smack wasn't really in the same league. That still has its comic aspects to me, but my girlfriend never quite got over it.
The "shooting spree" remark might have some explanatory value for me, though, because back then I had a goatee for a while, which I shaved off after a couple of different clients of the company I worked for said essentially that I reminded them of a larger Charlie Manson in a suit, and that office staff had a tendency to end up hovering nervously in the break room shortly after I showed up.
posted by jamjam at 1:15 PM on October 19, 2016
The "shooting spree" remark might have some explanatory value for me, though, because back then I had a goatee for a while, which I shaved off after a couple of different clients of the company I worked for said essentially that I reminded them of a larger Charlie Manson in a suit, and that office staff had a tendency to end up hovering nervously in the break room shortly after I showed up.
posted by jamjam at 1:15 PM on October 19, 2016
Wait? White people bring pies over to stranger's homes in the US? America is a very different place. That has never ever happened to me in Canada. I'd love for people to bring free baked goods over to my house. As long as they are not gluten free.It certainly happened in the bit of Canada where I live. When my wife and I moved here we got all sorts of baked goods, and everyone asked us when we were going to have kids. When we did have kids (twins) we got enough food brought to us to last three months. We had to get a chest freezer to store it all.
posted by borsboom at 1:31 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm sure stereotyping entire neighborhoods works out much better than stereotyping individuals.
posted by MrVisible at 1:31 PM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 1:31 PM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
My aunt was standoffish and aloof towards the other neighbors, and she didn't let us go outside much to play, so maybe I didn't see this community because we were not part of it.
From my admittedly small data sample (a couple of really close friends and some former students), this is how nerds of color are born. Protective family creates distance from the rest of the community.
posted by gusandrews at 3:35 PM on October 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
From my admittedly small data sample (a couple of really close friends and some former students), this is how nerds of color are born. Protective family creates distance from the rest of the community.
posted by gusandrews at 3:35 PM on October 19, 2016 [5 favorites]
Wait? White people bring pies over to stranger's homes in the US?
On occasion. Usually it means:
(1) I am aware that a bad thing has befallen you.
(2) you are new here, or I am, or otherwise please do not hurt me.
(3) I am insane with rage about something you have possibly done and will talk at length around my problem and then be disappointed when you do not confess your sins and offer recompense.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:30 PM on October 19, 2016 [8 favorites]
On occasion. Usually it means:
(1) I am aware that a bad thing has befallen you.
(2) you are new here, or I am, or otherwise please do not hurt me.
(3) I am insane with rage about something you have possibly done and will talk at length around my problem and then be disappointed when you do not confess your sins and offer recompense.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:30 PM on October 19, 2016 [8 favorites]
We live in a predominantly black neighborhood near an historically black university. For all the panhandling that happens frustratingly close to our home, that block party brings out the best people with the best stories, and the guy who fries fish for the hell of it. Had I not volunteered to be involved as the DJ, I wouldn't have discovered the wonders of fried fish fillets drenched in Frank's hot sauce.
posted by emelenjr at 4:51 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by emelenjr at 4:51 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
Why the dishwasher hate, though?
Maybe a joke about dishwasher chicken recipes? The Black Twitter folks I follow have a good laugh about those every time they show up in Lifehacker or HuffPo or wherever
posted by tobascodagama at 5:06 PM on October 19, 2016
Maybe a joke about dishwasher chicken recipes? The Black Twitter folks I follow have a good laugh about those every time they show up in Lifehacker or HuffPo or wherever
posted by tobascodagama at 5:06 PM on October 19, 2016
If anyone in Seattle's Rainier Valley happens to know who's selling plates around here, I'd love to be clued in. Though maybe we should just wait until we've leveled up enough to be told by the neighbors.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:20 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:20 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm sure stereotyping entire neighborhoods works out much better than stereotyping individuals.
I thought it was interesting that the ostensible joke in the piece seems to be on white people, but much of the content is re-cycling stereotypes about African-Americans.
posted by layceepee at 5:23 PM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
I thought it was interesting that the ostensible joke in the piece seems to be on white people, but much of the content is re-cycling stereotypes about African-Americans.
posted by layceepee at 5:23 PM on October 19, 2016 [2 favorites]
I've never seen anyone bring random baked goods to your house while uninvited/a complete stranger--only if you invited them over. But then again, most of us aren't home too often round these parts and if a stranger knocked on my door, I'd assume they were selling something.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:30 PM on October 19, 2016
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:30 PM on October 19, 2016
On occasion.
I've gotten food from people I know but never an acquaintance or an outright stranger. Even the thought of doing that is strange to me.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:40 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've gotten food from people I know but never an acquaintance or an outright stranger. Even the thought of doing that is strange to me.
posted by Ashwagandha at 5:40 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
The "shooting spree" remark might have some explanatory value for me, though, because back then I had a goatee for a while
When I lived in my previously mentioned neighborhood I had a goatee. So did all the other white guys within spitting distance. The black guys and latin guys, too. It was the '90s.
posted by jonmc at 6:02 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
When I lived in my previously mentioned neighborhood I had a goatee. So did all the other white guys within spitting distance. The black guys and latin guys, too. It was the '90s.
posted by jonmc at 6:02 PM on October 19, 2016 [1 favorite]
Once when I moved into a new place two different neighbors walked over with a pie and a jar of homemade plum jam, respectively. Never had that happen before or since.
Last time we moved, a week or two after we moved in the old lady down the block came by to warn us that she was likely to occasionally shoot bunnies foraging in her yard. We were like, whoa, I guess we don't live in California anymore - she didn't even bring us any fucking jam!
posted by the marble index at 12:29 AM on October 20, 2016
Last time we moved, a week or two after we moved in the old lady down the block came by to warn us that she was likely to occasionally shoot bunnies foraging in her yard. We were like, whoa, I guess we don't live in California anymore - she didn't even bring us any fucking jam!
posted by the marble index at 12:29 AM on October 20, 2016
Man, if you're gonna ask somebody to be chill about you murdering small animals, you probably ought to bring them something. At bare minimum, like a storebought pie.
posted by tobascodagama at 7:21 AM on October 20, 2016
posted by tobascodagama at 7:21 AM on October 20, 2016
I have never brought anyone a pie and have never been brought a pie or other comestible - except once. My family lived in a suburb of Chicago and this guy and his wife moved in next door...and he was a pastry chef!!! And also a confectioner! And they gave us a basket of fancy chocolates! I was very young so I don't really remember anything except that they were fancy, but I think they were truffles.
I should say that he must have been just starting out in his career, because this was a very ordinary lower middle class street of small houses.
Seriously, as I remember the chocolates I am starting to be of the opinion that bringing people treats when you move in is not actually a bad thing. In general, I would not stand up for white-people practices, but surely we could move forward toward a more racially just society where everyone can bring and accept treats to/ from neighbors if the spirit moves them?
posted by Frowner at 7:29 AM on October 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
I should say that he must have been just starting out in his career, because this was a very ordinary lower middle class street of small houses.
Seriously, as I remember the chocolates I am starting to be of the opinion that bringing people treats when you move in is not actually a bad thing. In general, I would not stand up for white-people practices, but surely we could move forward toward a more racially just society where everyone can bring and accept treats to/ from neighbors if the spirit moves them?
posted by Frowner at 7:29 AM on October 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
fucking jam
I'm not sure I want to know what they make that out of.
posted by Grangousier at 7:49 AM on October 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure I want to know what they make that out of.
posted by Grangousier at 7:49 AM on October 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
We've (me: white; partner: Mexican-Korean-American) never received gifts of food from neighbors when we we've moved in anywhere, but just a couple of months ago when the family next door moved in, we gave them a big basket of Mezzetta stuffed olives and peppers and marinara and etc as a welcome to the neighborhood because that's the kind of neighborhood we want this one to be. They looked confused by the gesture, but the ice is broken, and yesterday the three year old stopped by to give us a "nut" he found. (It's actually an almond shaped rock.)
posted by notyou at 9:08 AM on October 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by notyou at 9:08 AM on October 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
Re how much interaction with other people; when I was part of an all-white white household living in a 90-some percent black neighborhood in DC, I cultivated what I came to call the Ward 8 nod. (Named after the region of the city I was living in.) I'd give a quick nod while passing people on the sidewalk to signal that I saw them and acknowledged them as people, but didn't make lasting eye contact or otherwise try to invite conversation. Seemed to work pretty well; I came to recognize a number of people around the neighborhood and graduated to the level of saying hi and making pleasantries with some I saw more regularly.
I once went to an anti-racism training for white allies that likened whiteness to having an extra large and prominent head, maybe like a mask or a papier-mâché model. No matter how many other levels to your personality you have, many POC are going to see your giant white head first, and that whiteness is going to shape your interactions going forward. I always thought of nodding like I did as a way of immediately acknowledging that my giant white head was showing up in an unexpected place.
posted by ActionPopulated at 12:00 AM on October 21, 2016 [6 favorites]
I once went to an anti-racism training for white allies that likened whiteness to having an extra large and prominent head, maybe like a mask or a papier-mâché model. No matter how many other levels to your personality you have, many POC are going to see your giant white head first, and that whiteness is going to shape your interactions going forward. I always thought of nodding like I did as a way of immediately acknowledging that my giant white head was showing up in an unexpected place.
posted by ActionPopulated at 12:00 AM on October 21, 2016 [6 favorites]
I'd give a quick nod while passing people on the sidewalk to signal that I saw them and acknowledged them as people, but didn't make lasting eye contact or otherwise try to invite conversation.
This is also what I do, for what it's worth, although I also usually smile and keep walking. I mostly limit my being-friendly-to-neighbors to posting on Nextdoor and offering to give people lifts places if they want it, or otherwise help people with lost dogs and cats.
(Speaking of which, can I just say how relieving and wonderful I find the cultural differences in dog ownership thing? My dog is usually about as interested in being effusively friendly to strangers as I am, which is to say that she sometimes feels bored and therefore friendly but usually doesn't really give a shit in favor of sniffing new things. I cannot express how annoying I find people who see me walking a dog and insist on coming over and making a fuss, when I am really just trying to spend some time working with my dog and get from point A to point B. I vastly prefer people who smile, make eye contact, and give me some damn space.
I have also noticed that white people are by far the worst offenders when it comes to insisting that their poorly trained, straining-at-the-collar leashed dog just has to come up and meet mine. Uh, no, she's going to feel threatened by your rude, worked-up dog pushily invading her space and best case scenario is going to side-eye and step stiffly away. Worst case she's going to shout at the other dog to step off and maybe snap at it, and then you're going to be scared and feel like both of us are SUPER RUDE because my dog is not a mobile stuffed animal. Jesus, other white people. Learn to chill.)
posted by sciatrix at 6:14 AM on October 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is also what I do, for what it's worth, although I also usually smile and keep walking. I mostly limit my being-friendly-to-neighbors to posting on Nextdoor and offering to give people lifts places if they want it, or otherwise help people with lost dogs and cats.
(Speaking of which, can I just say how relieving and wonderful I find the cultural differences in dog ownership thing? My dog is usually about as interested in being effusively friendly to strangers as I am, which is to say that she sometimes feels bored and therefore friendly but usually doesn't really give a shit in favor of sniffing new things. I cannot express how annoying I find people who see me walking a dog and insist on coming over and making a fuss, when I am really just trying to spend some time working with my dog and get from point A to point B. I vastly prefer people who smile, make eye contact, and give me some damn space.
I have also noticed that white people are by far the worst offenders when it comes to insisting that their poorly trained, straining-at-the-collar leashed dog just has to come up and meet mine. Uh, no, she's going to feel threatened by your rude, worked-up dog pushily invading her space and best case scenario is going to side-eye and step stiffly away. Worst case she's going to shout at the other dog to step off and maybe snap at it, and then you're going to be scared and feel like both of us are SUPER RUDE because my dog is not a mobile stuffed animal. Jesus, other white people. Learn to chill.)
posted by sciatrix at 6:14 AM on October 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
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Hell, I'm white and I'm suspicious of white people showing up at my house...
posted by randomkeystrike at 9:06 AM on October 19, 2016 [17 favorites]