The legend of the Milkwalker
December 13, 2016 1:39 PM   Subscribe

It's a sentient milk carton that has grown arms and the legs of an Imperial AT-ST walker from Star Wars. Is it mechanical or organic? Is it full of milk? What does it want with us?
"There comes a point in every company's life when it's time to create a cartoon character to appeal to kids. Some of these characters are well-thought-out, with fully developed backstories. Others are thin, sad, and slapdash. But some fortunate characters are given life by their fans—characters like the Milkwalker."
posted by deathpanels (16 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
I read the description. Then clicked through and saw the banner image, and figured it was some kind of slendman-adjacent weirdness that the kids these days were coming up with. But apparently this was actually an image, used on actual milk, provided to actual children, and I'm kind of having trouble believing that. Especially since the only references Google is showing me are ones related to/reporting on the meme.

Are there any original sources for this? I wouldn't put it past the photoshop lulzers of the world to put together a single convincing looking shot of an old milk carton, tbh.
posted by sparklemotion at 1:51 PM on December 13, 2016


"Milkwalker" sounds like a poor attempt at a quirky name for people from Milwaukee.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:53 PM on December 13, 2016 [6 favorites]


What does it want with us?

Coffee and TV, peacefully.
posted by lmfsilva at 1:59 PM on December 13, 2016 [5 favorites]


What does it want with us?

For us to join the imperial troops and combat rebels?
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:14 PM on December 13, 2016


I'm pretty sure this is some sort of Scarfolk style alterna-history, but I'd be oddly happy to be proved wrong.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 3:23 PM on December 13, 2016


Coming Soon... Milkwalker: Texas Ranger (because all memes trace back to one of a few original sources and this is more Chuck Norris than Rick Astley... although it could also connect to Chocolate Rain or one of the early catmemes)
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:04 PM on December 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


This has been bothering me all afternoon. This is a hoax, right?

The Heck Yeah, Old Technology! tumblr claims that it's real, and that the carton is in his or her possession, but there's still only the one picture.

But other things on that tumblr don't seem to be hoaxes, so I don't know why this particular one would be a thing.

But I don't think that there's a single person who claims to remember this from their childhood (the Berenstein Bear universe has more eyewitness evidence).

Conspiracy fodder: The Darigold website features a "visual history" with a horrible scrolling interface and a conspicuous lack of any product photos from the 80s and 90s.
posted by sparklemotion at 5:11 PM on December 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


I remember the "Be Safe" text & what follows on the carton -- which may have just been generic text on cartons of milk given to kids. I was in Las Vegas for kindergarten, when we had cartons of milk for snack time; later, I was in Wisconsin but I don't really remember milk cartons, although it's quite possible. Because you know, it was Wisconsin. This would've been the mid-80s so the timeframe is right. But I do not remember the Milkwalker figure at all. Like, seeing the text brought about a huge feeling of recognition. And I think if the text did, Milkwaker would too.

I don't know. Anything is possible. Maybe other dairies had their own characters? (Digging deep into my memories, I have a thought maybe there was a superhero-ish character one the ones I remember.)

None of that is a yes or a no to the reality of this, though.
posted by darksong at 5:37 PM on December 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


My question is how does one come into posession of a 30 year old pint of milk? Was there still milk in there? Was it a milk collector? Is the concept of a person collecting old milk creepier than a poorly anthropomorphized milk carton?

Also, nobody would ever sign off on "Milkwalker" as the name of their mascot. Why accentuate the walking? Nobody has ever said "Also it's important to indicate that it walks" when designing a cartoon mascot. I could maybe see some Star Wars inspiration, but is that just the article repeatedly referencing the AT-ST which Milkwalker doesn't really even resemble?
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:12 PM on December 13, 2016


Here is a photo from 2008 and there seems to be at least one musician who named an album The Milkwalker a few years ago. So if this was something that was just made up, that's a pretty long con.

I don't know why I remember the text on the carton and not this thing. But like I said, maybe the text was standard and the character wasn't. Or it was both so simultaneously weird and forgettable that my brain decided to use that space for something else. Who knows?
posted by darksong at 6:24 PM on December 13, 2016


uh-oh
posted by thelonius at 6:34 PM on December 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


Harry Hood, in contrast, is anti-scary.
posted by adamg at 6:56 PM on December 13, 2016


The AT-ST comparison sticks for me based on the oddly mechanical design of the legs, not because Milkwalker as a whole resembles an AT-ST.
posted by deathpanels at 8:32 PM on December 13, 2016


Ok, I found one reference to it from 2005, claiming it was on milk cartons at Vancouvers Expo '86, and describing it pretty accurately. More digging tells me Dairyland was the milk provider for Expo 86, not the over-the-border Darigold, but searching the BC dairy history website doesn't dig up Milkwalker, but they did have a dog safety mascot called Derry Dog. I now have decided to believe it was a real thing, just so internet sleuthing milk cartons feels like slightly less colossal of a waste of time.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:08 PM on December 13, 2016 [4 favorites]


Not really sure the 'fans' managed to give life to this one.
posted by Segundus at 11:49 PM on December 13, 2016


Yeah, I grew up in the 80's in the PNW and definitely had a lot of Darigold. I don't remember this at all. I didn't get the school lunches with the milk, but certainly some friends did. With one pic on one dubious milk carton with no backstory, maybe this is just something that happened once? Like that perfect strangers promo where balki is painting the door and larry walks in just and gets his face rolled with paint?
posted by lkc at 1:15 AM on December 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


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