Shower Orange

February 27, 2017 9:20 AM

Messy eater? Hot water getting your beer warm? Try the shower orange.

Relevant Subreddit

RULES:
1) No nudity.
2) No grapefruit.

posted by backseatpilot (52 comments total)

We all know where this is going.
posted by lagomorphius at 9:26 AM on February 27, 2017 [7 favorites]

It boggles my mind that people spend even a few moments in the shower not actively washing or rinsing. I'm not even a terribly busy guy.
posted by humboldt32 at 9:28 AM on February 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

Yes… this is the most carnal, ferocious, liberating thing a man can do.

Eating fruit, in a shower stall? That's the most middle-class-suburban definition of "ferocious and liberating" I think I've ever heard. And "carnal" doesn't even apply at all, unless you swap out the orange for some BBQ ribs or something.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:29 AM on February 27, 2017 [21 favorites]

It boggles my mind that people spend even a few moments in the shower not actively washing or rinsing. I'm not even a terribly busy guy.

um so like where do you process your existential horror
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:30 AM on February 27, 2017 [99 favorites]

It boggles my mind that people spend even a few moments in the shower not actively washing or rinsing. I'm not even a terribly busy guy.

um so like where do you process your existential horror

Some of us commute.
posted by Etrigan at 9:33 AM on February 27, 2017 [64 favorites]

“Think about it,” the mythical councilor says, “Tearing apart a cold fresh orange with your bare hands, just letting the juices run over your body. Not worrying if you’re going to get sticky, or anything. Just ripping it in half, and tearing into it with your teeth like a savage cannibal who hasn’t eaten in a week. Yes… this is the most carnal, ferocious, liberating thing a man can do.”

Could this be the first documented case of a total nonsense forum troll post unintentionally creating a world wide trend?

Er.. no.
posted by sammyo at 9:39 AM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

If you, like I, do not enjoy citrus fruits, this has also been road tested with plums.
posted by phunniemee at 9:40 AM on February 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

Might as well go full-bore and poop in there, too.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:41 AM on February 27, 2017 [7 favorites]

I have eaten
the oranges
that were in
the shampoo caddy

Forgive me
they were delicious
so damp
and so lukewarm
posted by moonmilk at 9:49 AM on February 27, 2017 [31 favorites]

Ohhhhhh geeeeez, one of the most "who the fuck who I am with?" moments that ever occurred between my husband and me was the first time he saw me take a mango into the shower to eat it. To this day it makes perfect sense to me - there's just so much juice! I get sticky! I'm incapable of eating a mango with anything regarding any kind of elegance, grace, or sophistication, even if I slice it up! And I love mangoes so much! - and he thinks I'm some kind of shower anti-christ. I'm also guilty of doing it with pears for similar reasons.

But geez, I do it because I get juice everywhere and to save my shirts, not out of grasping for some ferocious carnality. So I kinda really want to judge these people right now. . . but since I do it out of sloppiness and mayhem I don't feel I can, hahahaha!
posted by barchan at 9:51 AM on February 27, 2017 [13 favorites]

And "carnal" doesn't even apply at all, unless you swap out the orange for some BBQ ribs or something.

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:00 AM on February 27, 2017 [11 favorites]

Wait, they pitch this as a pseuo-erotic experience and do it with oranges and not a peach?

The soft skin. The delicate butt-crack. The playful little gradient.

Peach time.
posted by MuppetNavy at 10:00 AM on February 27, 2017 [9 favorites]

Maybe this is how David Hasselhoff should have explained away the burger on floor vid. That it was a carnal yet pure act of self-love. And that you ought to try it before you judge.
posted by MuppetNavy at 10:01 AM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

Grapefruit. I have an unlimited supply, so...I currently drink tea, with a bit of sugar, and I squeeze a half grapefruit into the large cup, it is especially good with chais, green tea, or black tea. No cream, just sugar. I am saving the skins, I have enough now, to make a small batch of candied grapefruit skins, either for baking, or to put in some other kind of tea, deep into next winter. Looking at my clothes of late, I think I should start taking dinner in the shower. Grapefruit skin is oily and Sishedo made a fortune on grapefruit essence in skin products. Do it grapefruit eaters, and rub the outside of the skins on your elbows, and heels, as you exit. What could be better? It smells so good! Oranges, bah!
posted by Oyéah at 10:04 AM on February 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

But do you peel the orange facing the shower, so that all the stickiness is immediately rinsed off your hands, or face away from the shower so as not to dilute any juicy orange flavor until you're done eating?
posted by Kabanos at 10:12 AM on February 27, 2017 [13 favorites]

No grapefruit.

No good. Downvote.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:15 AM on February 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

I once ate an unheated can of chili in the shower in the middle of shaving my legs. Then I had to go clean all the shaving cream off my carpet where I had leapt out of the shower to go retrieve said chili.

I told one of my friends about this, quietly ashamed, a week later. Her only response was to tell me she's developed a perfect system for eating burritos in the shower that involves a quart sized ziplock and some tinfoil.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:25 AM on February 27, 2017 [13 favorites]

What about a nice tall glass of shower milk?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:31 AM on February 27, 2017 [6 favorites]

well I looked at the subreddit and it's all pictures of feet and orange peels and now I think I'm off oranges for a while
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:36 AM on February 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

It boggles my mind that people spend even a few moments in the shower not actively washing or rinsing. I'm not even a terribly busy guy.

I do some of my best thinking in the shower. So much so, in fact, that I literally bought a notebook I can use in the shower. I've written decent chunks of stories in there.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:47 AM on February 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

Might as well go full-bore and poop in there, too.

At least that's easier to stomp down the drain.
posted by FatherDagon at 11:08 AM on February 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

And "carnal" doesn't even apply at all, unless you swap out the orange for some BBQ ribs or something.

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

It's just the same recipe for BBQ ribs and picture of the finished product, reprinted over and over each month; because I'm too busy ferociously eating said ribs in the shower to bother coming up with new content.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:11 AM on February 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

Oranges are great but I prefer the even more transcendent Shower Apple. A Fuji apple cold from the fridge eaten in the shower after exercising outside on the hottest days of summer is seriously one of my favorite things. The best part? Opening the door to toss your apple core clanging into the wastebasket, startling your cat who always watches you shower.
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! at 11:39 AM on February 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

um so like where do you process your existential horror

That occupies most of my non-showering time.
posted by humboldt32 at 11:48 AM on February 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

A Fuji apple cold from the fridge eaten in the shower after exercising outside on the hottest days of summer is seriously one of my favorite things.

do you eat it like Mr Peepers bc that would be hella ferocious/carnal
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:04 PM on February 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

If you, like I, do not enjoy citrus fruits, this has also been road tested with plums.

I prefer a cold beer, but point taken.
posted by Splunge at 12:20 PM on February 27, 2017

barchan: "! I'm incapable of eating a mango with anything regarding any kind of elegance, grace, or sophistication, even if I slice it up! And I love mangoes so much! "

Here you go.
posted by signal at 12:33 PM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've got this massive Cara Cara orange I was just about to peel and eat at my desk like a chump. Thanks for saving me, I'll put this back in my bag to eat the next time I'm in the shower.

nah, ima eat it now. there are more at home to try this with. what beer pairs best with citrus fruits?
posted by Fig at 1:22 PM on February 27, 2017

The ultimate Siberian excursion these days involves an enclosed shower stall erected in the wilderness with a spring-loaded door and bait which traps a prey animal. Then the customer is able to kill with his or her bare hands, slaughter and dress the prey, and select the choicest cuts to be prepared for lunch, all while taking their morning shower.
posted by XMLicious at 2:04 PM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

This is basically the grown-up version of when you make your kid undress and sit in the tub to eat a popsicle.
posted by Orlop at 2:17 PM on February 27, 2017 [8 favorites]

But do you peel the orange facing the shower, so that all the stickiness is immediately rinsed off your hands, or face away from the shower so as not to dilute any juicy orange flavor until you're done eating?

I will keep saying this as long as necessary. No. We're not starting the shower direction debate again.
posted by greermahoney at 3:58 PM on February 27, 2017

I used to love drinking and smoking in the shower but now I can barely be arsed applying soap to my body as it cuts in to my video gaming time, so at most I think I would be going for a few easy-to-peel Sunburst or Hickson mandarins or even a soapdish full of grapes rather than a clumsy, uncooperative and frankly flavour-sparse orange, the dumbest of the citrines.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:07 PM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

what beer pairs best with citrus fruits?

Sierra Nevada Otra Vez. Thank you hello yes you're welcome.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:09 PM on February 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm trying to figure out at what point you bring your phone into the shower for the picture.

Surely you don't take the picture with sticky orangey hands, that defeats the purpose.

Do you eat the orange and wash off and then dry your hands and carefully take a picture of feet and peels with the water running? Or do you shut off the water and take the picture and then get out and towel off?
posted by mama casserole at 4:10 PM on February 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'm trying to figure out at what point you bring your phone into the shower for the picture.

MOM COME ON I'LL PUT A WASHCLOTH OVER IT

I NEED THE KARMA MOM
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:18 PM on February 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

It pains me that people apparently have such trouble with oranges. My South African childhood might have been a wee bit problematic but I did learn at a young age how to efficiently peel and eat an orange (although, part of the skill is knowing which one to select in the first place).
posted by Flashman at 5:00 PM on February 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

What about a nice tall glass of shower milk?

Once when I had a miserable headache, I took a hot shower and drank a litre of very cold chocolate milk. It was transcendent.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:21 PM on February 27, 2017

This reminds me of the only funny gag in Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo where his pimp insists on eating in the hot tub.
posted by um at 7:27 PM on February 27, 2017 [1 favorite]

From several comments it turns out that shower eating really is actually a thing, who knew?
posted by sammyo at 7:38 PM on February 27, 2017

Who raised the heathens who are having such issues with oranges?

"Eating" oranges have all the juicy stuff neatly contained in individually wrapped sections—truly ingenious packaging. Those other oranges are either for juicing or not meant to be consumed by civilized humans.
posted by she's not there at 8:55 PM on February 27, 2017

Sorry, but eating leftover steak in the shower is much more satisfying. And without the mess of the peels too...
posted by gemmy at 9:13 PM on February 27, 2017 [3 favorites]

Eating a cup of live grasshoppers is the best;. The steam seems to excite them so and the tiny wings spiral beautifully down the drain.
posted by benzenedream at 9:26 PM on February 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

I used to love drinking and smoking in the shower

I quit smoking ages ago, but shower smoking is literally the best. The steamy air is pungent with cigarette smoke and your body never gets the cloying smell.

Now, though, I have three little kids, so I do everything in the shower, most often while quietly sobbing to myself.
posted by Literaryhero at 1:15 AM on February 28, 2017 [5 favorites]

"Her only response was to tell me she's developed a perfect system for eating burritos in the shower that involves a quart sized ziplock and some tinfoil."

I want to be friends with this woman.
posted by Blasdelb at 3:20 AM on February 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I get terrible messy when I'm eating crabs. I think I should get a little table for my shower and eat crabs in there.
posted by numaner at 1:04 PM on February 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

When I was a boy growing up on the east coast of Florida, my friend and I would go catch a dozen or so blue crabs of a Saturday morning and bring them home to boil for lunch. We'd spread a bunch of newspapers (remember them?) over the table and just go to it, no plates or anything apart from the bowls of melted butter, piling the shells in the middle of the table. When we were done we'd pick up the whole mess and dump it on the trash can. Voila!
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:15 PM on February 28, 2017

no i know that's how you usually eat crabs but i'd have to do a whole thing for that
posted by numaner at 2:35 PM on February 28, 2017

Ah, I see, so setting up to eat in the shower and carrying hot food and scraps back and forth from the kitchen isn't a "whole thing". Got it.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:46 PM on February 28, 2017

I'm glad this is about a literal orange, and not a fetish involving POTUS 45.
posted by spinifex23 at 6:41 PM on February 28, 2017

I don't think I would enjoy eating an orange in the shower; I really like peeling it neatly (the joy of getting the stamen out, like a mushroom) and coaxing the sections apart without bruising a single aril.
posted by batter_my_heart at 12:20 AM on March 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Sure, you start out as a young'un, eating oranges in the shower.

Then, before you know it you're Ron Burgundy, dining on steak, waffles, and scotch in the hot tub while singing "Afternoon Delight."
posted by The Outsider at 3:06 AM on March 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

When I was a kid I would eat watermelon in the shower because it was always so messy.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 3:04 PM on March 1, 2017