Losing it all
March 10, 2017 8:21 PM Subscribe
Paul Mason was the world's heaviest man. He lost the weight - but now what?
Wow - inspiring and depressing, at turns.
I feel for Mason, and hope his life has new adventures and new relationships in store.
posted by darkstar at 9:04 PM on March 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
I feel for Mason, and hope his life has new adventures and new relationships in store.
posted by darkstar at 9:04 PM on March 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Surprised his legs could be brought back into use at all.
posted by Segundus at 1:09 AM on March 11, 2017
posted by Segundus at 1:09 AM on March 11, 2017
Holy shit what a bleak read.
posted by nevercalm at 2:06 AM on March 11, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by nevercalm at 2:06 AM on March 11, 2017 [3 favorites]
Sometimes when I see a broken street person, or an alcoholic torn apart by their illness, or a person suffering profound mental illness, sometimes I am able to keep in mind that this is a human being behind these eyes, when I am in the moment I can see the person behind pained and/or lost eyes. This writing kept me well aware -- painfully aware -- that this was a person living this life, not a caricature to be seen as a distraction or the butt of a joke.
~~~~~
An alcoholic or a drug addict, they can lock the monster in a cage in the basement and then nail the door to the basement shut, and padlock it besides; they never really have to get near the cage, though they generally don't forget what's locked up in it.
The food addict in recovery has to get inside the cage with the monster, break bread three times a day with the monster.
If you have a friend that is an alcoholic but in recovery from it, ask him or her what it would be like to take a drink -- but not more than one drink -- three times a day, spaced over the day.
~~~~~
I've known two people who were morbidly obese and then lost a lot of the weight; both achieved this by complete change in diet and strict discipline. One has relapsed, at least part of the way back to where he was, at least the last time I saw him. Both of these people experience the same thing that Mason experiences, the massive flaps of skin dangling/draping all over their bodies.
I remember a post here on MetaFilter about a photographer who decided to lose weight and, as the artist she is, decided to chronicle her weight loss with an online journal, telling the story in words and in black and white images of her body as she lost weight. She was unaware at the start of her project that she would end up having folds and flaps of skin but she found out pretty rapidly, and regardless that it was painful for her to discover what she did, she kept the journal ongoing. Artists are just very cool, don't you think?
posted by dancestoblue at 2:36 AM on March 11, 2017 [16 favorites]
~~~~~
An alcoholic or a drug addict, they can lock the monster in a cage in the basement and then nail the door to the basement shut, and padlock it besides; they never really have to get near the cage, though they generally don't forget what's locked up in it.
The food addict in recovery has to get inside the cage with the monster, break bread three times a day with the monster.
If you have a friend that is an alcoholic but in recovery from it, ask him or her what it would be like to take a drink -- but not more than one drink -- three times a day, spaced over the day.
~~~~~
I've known two people who were morbidly obese and then lost a lot of the weight; both achieved this by complete change in diet and strict discipline. One has relapsed, at least part of the way back to where he was, at least the last time I saw him. Both of these people experience the same thing that Mason experiences, the massive flaps of skin dangling/draping all over their bodies.
I remember a post here on MetaFilter about a photographer who decided to lose weight and, as the artist she is, decided to chronicle her weight loss with an online journal, telling the story in words and in black and white images of her body as she lost weight. She was unaware at the start of her project that she would end up having folds and flaps of skin but she found out pretty rapidly, and regardless that it was painful for her to discover what she did, she kept the journal ongoing. Artists are just very cool, don't you think?
posted by dancestoblue at 2:36 AM on March 11, 2017 [16 favorites]
This story really resonated for me. Until about four months ago a deformed hip (which I was born with but which wasn't diagnosed until last year) defined my life. I was the awkward child, the kid who couldn't run, the adult who limped. I gained weight and retreated into a sedentary life devoid of activity and its pleasures, but did not complain because my family--who valued stoicism--repeatedly scolded me when I did.
Last October I got a brand new hip, and for the first time in 60 years discovered that it was possible to walk, stand, dance, move without pain. Since then I have embraced a life of gym memberships, daily swims and walks, and an overwhelming feeling that every single thing I do is magical and amazing because I could never really do it before.
The weird flip side of all this joy is a strange feeling of confusion. This active person is not me--I've dropped 50 pounds and, though it feels wonderful, it also feels oddly foreign, as though I've been given a full body transplant. I feel like an impostor.
My own sister has expressed extreme discomfort with my new reality, as I now appear to her to be a completely different person. People I'd hoped to be supportive instead seem suspicious and unnerved, even envious.
Having the thing which defines you removed can have a profound impact, both good and bad; it will take time for me to get things sorted. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be when the thing is as large as Mr. Mason's.
posted by kinnakeet at 3:06 AM on March 11, 2017 [112 favorites]
Last October I got a brand new hip, and for the first time in 60 years discovered that it was possible to walk, stand, dance, move without pain. Since then I have embraced a life of gym memberships, daily swims and walks, and an overwhelming feeling that every single thing I do is magical and amazing because I could never really do it before.
The weird flip side of all this joy is a strange feeling of confusion. This active person is not me--I've dropped 50 pounds and, though it feels wonderful, it also feels oddly foreign, as though I've been given a full body transplant. I feel like an impostor.
My own sister has expressed extreme discomfort with my new reality, as I now appear to her to be a completely different person. People I'd hoped to be supportive instead seem suspicious and unnerved, even envious.
Having the thing which defines you removed can have a profound impact, both good and bad; it will take time for me to get things sorted. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be when the thing is as large as Mr. Mason's.
posted by kinnakeet at 3:06 AM on March 11, 2017 [112 favorites]
Strange cultural mistranslation happened in that article:
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 3:22 AM on March 11, 2017 [9 favorites]
—his life was a series of catnaps from which he would awake to eat, 24 hours a day, the bacon, the candy bars, the fish and chips and kebobs.Given the setting, I strongly suspect that was intended to read kebabs as in doner kebab (rather like gyros) rather than shishlik (often called "shish-kebob" in the US). Doner kebab is a staple of British fast food on the high street (although it was invented in West Berlin, apparently), and the name is often used in the same way as "a curry" as synecdoche for an unpretentious night out.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 3:22 AM on March 11, 2017 [9 favorites]
This is tremendous. Even with surgery, losing that much weight is a huge amount of work, and I'm so happy for him, that he was able to do this and open up a whole new world for himself. I hope things continue to improve for him.
posted by obfuscation at 4:54 AM on March 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by obfuscation at 4:54 AM on March 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
Maybe I missed it, but in all the concern and care for his body, did anyone address his mind? Morbid obesity is closely associated with early abuse... It seems like he and his whole family were terrorized by that father of his. How do you get out from under memories like that? Ah looking again, he did seek counselling... I wonder what that was like... I wish so much there were better ways of forgetting (or addressing) that kind of pain. (And how do you learn what you don't realize you're missing, unless someone shows you? He's lacking so many skills most people who haven't spent their entire adulthood in avoidance learn, at least partially. I think he's kept his world as small as it ever was, in part, because he's not in the habit of wanting more for himself, and doesn't know how to begin to get it.) I think he could have and do more, if he had more of that kind of help.
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:03 AM on March 11, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:03 AM on March 11, 2017 [6 favorites]
I lost 60lbs last year, when I became a vegan. I am now a healthy weight, according to all the charts I've seen, and my doctor is happy. But many friends have expressed concerns. To them, I'm too skinny. There are many guys my height who are just as skinny as I am--or skinnier--and if they looked that way when you met them, it wouldn't bother you. They'd just look, to you, like normal-weight guys. But my normal weight doesn't look normal to my friends, because it's not the weight they're used to on me.
posted by grumblebee at 7:16 AM on March 11, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by grumblebee at 7:16 AM on March 11, 2017 [13 favorites]
A well written and straight forward article about a difficult subject. Thanks for posting this.
posted by HuronBob at 7:23 AM on March 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by HuronBob at 7:23 AM on March 11, 2017 [1 favorite]
I lost 60lbs last year, when I became a vegan. I am now a healthy weight, according to all the charts I've seen, and my doctor is happy. But many friends have expressed concerns. To them, I'm too skinny. There are many guys my height who are just as skinny as I am--or skinnier--and if they looked that way when you met them, it wouldn't bother you. They'd just look, to you, like normal-weight guys. But my normal weight doesn't look normal to my friends, because it's not the weight they're used to on me.
posted by grumblebee at 7:16 AM on March 11 [2 favorites +] [!]
This is frustratingly all too common, and I'm never certain if it is passive-aggressive concern-trolling or what. Whenever I see a patient losing weight I warn them that this will be coming their way and it usually does. It happened to me just taking off 20 pounds of weight gained in my 30's and always stung, especially coming from friends who should have been okay just being quiet or supportive. Ignore it and keep up the effort to be healthy, whatever the weight does. I just think we're so used to seeing high-BMI bodies that a normal weight person seems odd. This is particularly true in peds, where a child who would have looked normal at a summer camp in 1975 now looks like a famine victim and who's mom's 'friends' can't stop commenting on how underweight he looks.
posted by docpops at 8:30 AM on March 11, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by grumblebee at 7:16 AM on March 11 [2 favorites +] [!]
This is frustratingly all too common, and I'm never certain if it is passive-aggressive concern-trolling or what. Whenever I see a patient losing weight I warn them that this will be coming their way and it usually does. It happened to me just taking off 20 pounds of weight gained in my 30's and always stung, especially coming from friends who should have been okay just being quiet or supportive. Ignore it and keep up the effort to be healthy, whatever the weight does. I just think we're so used to seeing high-BMI bodies that a normal weight person seems odd. This is particularly true in peds, where a child who would have looked normal at a summer camp in 1975 now looks like a famine victim and who's mom's 'friends' can't stop commenting on how underweight he looks.
posted by docpops at 8:30 AM on March 11, 2017 [9 favorites]
I'm in the losing weight process now. I went into the ER for pain, got surgery for Fournier's Gangrene (don't google it), and got told I had a a1c of 13.5 as a side effect. So in addition to watching my blood glucose and four injections a day, I am also watching my food and losing weight. (20 pounds now.)
And it's having a psychological effect too. I find myself swinging between "I can't have that" and "I wish I could have that" with food. I try not to watch things with some foods because I can't really have them anymore. And then my identity is weirding.
See, I was always The Fat One. The fat kid, the fat adult. I embraced it - calling myself a "magnificently sized gentleman", for example. I was half the fat guy sterotypes - sweatpants and t-shirt, hours in front of the computer in games and not caring about my body, all that. And now to survive I need to change myself, and parts of my fundamental sense of self are not really into that.
And my poor wife... she was in the hospital with me the whole time, she lost her temp job due to taking care of me, and now she told me she's scared that all my changes will leave her behind, unwanted and forgotten, as I no longer am the man I was. That's the hardest. Trying to convince someone you love that yes, you're changing, but not so much it'll destroy us.
This is not easy, and he lost, basically, two of what I am now. It says he goes to church and I hope that helps him, or that somehow he can get the psychological help he almost certainly needs to find out who he is now that he's not The Fattest Man In The World.
posted by mephron at 9:26 AM on March 11, 2017 [17 favorites]
And it's having a psychological effect too. I find myself swinging between "I can't have that" and "I wish I could have that" with food. I try not to watch things with some foods because I can't really have them anymore. And then my identity is weirding.
See, I was always The Fat One. The fat kid, the fat adult. I embraced it - calling myself a "magnificently sized gentleman", for example. I was half the fat guy sterotypes - sweatpants and t-shirt, hours in front of the computer in games and not caring about my body, all that. And now to survive I need to change myself, and parts of my fundamental sense of self are not really into that.
And my poor wife... she was in the hospital with me the whole time, she lost her temp job due to taking care of me, and now she told me she's scared that all my changes will leave her behind, unwanted and forgotten, as I no longer am the man I was. That's the hardest. Trying to convince someone you love that yes, you're changing, but not so much it'll destroy us.
This is not easy, and he lost, basically, two of what I am now. It says he goes to church and I hope that helps him, or that somehow he can get the psychological help he almost certainly needs to find out who he is now that he's not The Fattest Man In The World.
posted by mephron at 9:26 AM on March 11, 2017 [17 favorites]
never certain if it is passive-aggressive concern-trolling or what
Though I wouldn't discount that there can be a darker element to the way people react when a friend loses weight, there are definitely times where it can freak you out because you're just not used to seeing your friend that way. My brother lost a bunch of weight over the last few years, and my boyfriend has found his new appearance a bit alarming, worrying that he has gotten too skinny and that it might not be healthy. He has only even known my brother in his heavier state, though, how he looks now is totally new. To me, on the other hand, my brother is looking great, because now he's looking like the healthy teenager and young man that I remember from when we grew up together, and I have had to reassure my boyfriend that really this is a good thing that we should be happy about.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:35 PM on March 11, 2017 [3 favorites]
Though I wouldn't discount that there can be a darker element to the way people react when a friend loses weight, there are definitely times where it can freak you out because you're just not used to seeing your friend that way. My brother lost a bunch of weight over the last few years, and my boyfriend has found his new appearance a bit alarming, worrying that he has gotten too skinny and that it might not be healthy. He has only even known my brother in his heavier state, though, how he looks now is totally new. To me, on the other hand, my brother is looking great, because now he's looking like the healthy teenager and young man that I remember from when we grew up together, and I have had to reassure my boyfriend that really this is a good thing that we should be happy about.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:35 PM on March 11, 2017 [3 favorites]
Thank you, Greg Nog.
I ought to have mentioned that anxiety over returning to the former self is the darker side of my limitless gratitude. There are nightmares involving implant recalls, or that I will awake to find that the old pain and disability have somehow returned.
This morning, right after writing that comment, I went to the pool. And, for the first time in my life, I swam consecutive laps in freestyle--a stroke I first used successfully one month ago. My family had mocked my awkward young attempts--all were easy swimmers--so I had given up early and hadn't tried since. For me to move freestyle through water, quick and strong, seems as miraculous as flying. Maybe more so.
I dressed and showered in a happy haze, and when I reached the car I laughed and cried and shouted and sang. Could this really be me?
Then I calmed down and returned quietly home where my mate awaited--whose feet cannot be so easily fixed and who still walks painfully with a cane.
posted by kinnakeet at 2:02 PM on March 11, 2017 [11 favorites]
I ought to have mentioned that anxiety over returning to the former self is the darker side of my limitless gratitude. There are nightmares involving implant recalls, or that I will awake to find that the old pain and disability have somehow returned.
This morning, right after writing that comment, I went to the pool. And, for the first time in my life, I swam consecutive laps in freestyle--a stroke I first used successfully one month ago. My family had mocked my awkward young attempts--all were easy swimmers--so I had given up early and hadn't tried since. For me to move freestyle through water, quick and strong, seems as miraculous as flying. Maybe more so.
I dressed and showered in a happy haze, and when I reached the car I laughed and cried and shouted and sang. Could this really be me?
Then I calmed down and returned quietly home where my mate awaited--whose feet cannot be so easily fixed and who still walks painfully with a cane.
posted by kinnakeet at 2:02 PM on March 11, 2017 [11 favorites]
To go into the social effects more, I lost a bunch of weight and have since put it back on. And if you have friends, you are The Fat Friend, even if they're not intentionally putting you in that slot. What I mean is you enable people to indulge if they want to indulge.
Once I lost a bunch of weight, people were suddenly uncomfortable eating around me. I wouldn't share their dessert or eat their leftovers or order a huge plate. I remember a friend freaking out at me because she wanted dessert and I wasn't having any and she didn't want to look weird/gross/fat. Which of course made me wonder who'd been looking like that before. (Me, obviously).
And that goes for dating and everything else. You're upsetting the hierarchy. Suddenly, maybe the hot woman or man wants to talk to you. Suddenly, maybe you're not the one that can distract a friend or something. Suddenly, the waitress is flirting with you, not them. Everything changes and people lose their minds.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 4:43 PM on March 11, 2017 [18 favorites]
Once I lost a bunch of weight, people were suddenly uncomfortable eating around me. I wouldn't share their dessert or eat their leftovers or order a huge plate. I remember a friend freaking out at me because she wanted dessert and I wasn't having any and she didn't want to look weird/gross/fat. Which of course made me wonder who'd been looking like that before. (Me, obviously).
And that goes for dating and everything else. You're upsetting the hierarchy. Suddenly, maybe the hot woman or man wants to talk to you. Suddenly, maybe you're not the one that can distract a friend or something. Suddenly, the waitress is flirting with you, not them. Everything changes and people lose their minds.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 4:43 PM on March 11, 2017 [18 favorites]
I can't believe we all read the same article, but I forgot how MeFi does fatness. Losing weight doesn't appear to have improved his life, and it doesn't seem like it was the actual downfall of it, either. You CAN be fat, happy, and healthy--notice his heart was fine? The way people talk about fat people as if we are THINGS is disgusting.
posted by masquesoporfavor at 7:19 PM on March 11, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by masquesoporfavor at 7:19 PM on March 11, 2017 [2 favorites]
He certainly wasn't happy being bedridden, and whatever his cardiac situation, I don't know if I'd call someone who couldn't walk "healthy." I see most of the comments as being sympathetic. Not being an addict, I have a hard time understanding how he got to where he was, but I can appreciate how hard his life must have been, and how brave it was to risk his life to get better.
posted by AFABulous at 8:57 PM on March 11, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by AFABulous at 8:57 PM on March 11, 2017 [4 favorites]
I didn't say he was healthy, I said his heart was, and that it is possible to be fat, happy, and healthy. You need food to live. Slicing up your guts isn't really fixing anything.
posted by masquesoporfavor at 9:44 PM on March 11, 2017
posted by masquesoporfavor at 9:44 PM on March 11, 2017
He moved to an inside job. There he was caught stealing money out of envelopes to pay for his burgeoning food intake. He was sent to Norwich prison for a year.I don't understand how anyone can read the previous sentences and then write, "Losing weight doesn't appear to have improved his life...notice his heart was fine?"
When he was released from prison, he went back living with his mum. Her house was paid off, but he was so dedicated to eating that he eventually asked her to remortgage her home to feed his addiction. She never said a word to him about his weight. They ended up getting evicted.
"Paul needed a lot of attention," said one of his caregivers, Maria Tyler, who was at Mason's bedside for years. "He was suffering from depression, and he was lonely. He had urine infections, nearly every day. Just turning him on his side put pressure on his heart and lungs and opened up any sore that was healing. Eventually he started wanting the surgery; he was trying as hard as he could to tell people he wanted to get his weight down."
He already wore dentures—because he used to be too big to go to the dentist, he had yanked out his old teeth with pliers when he was bedridden. To numb the pain, he filled syringes he bought off eBay with morphine the doctors had prescribed him for joint pain, and injected it directly into his gums.
No longer bedridden, he had stories about what it was like to do things that anyone else would take for granted, what it was like to be born again onto a different country. For instance, now he could walk...He was fond of standing by the water of the local Quabbin Reservoir. Whereas some people might post a picture on social media simply to share the experience, Mason's posts took on a deeper resonance with captions like, "I'm so lucky to be enjoying these lovely places."
"It was such a horrible life, really. Back then, I didn't want to ask for help. Now I look back on it, I don't know if I can relate to the person lying in the bed. To me, now, I'm a different person."
posted by d. z. wang at 11:04 PM on March 11, 2017 [15 favorites]
It's possible to be fat, healthy and happy, but he really wasn't happy at all, if you read the article. He was a classic addict - if it wasn't food, it would have been drugs or alcohol.
I was fat and happy, but I wasn't healthy, and that bit me in the ass, so now I'm working to be healthy and happy. (Did not mention before: I'm looking at a knee replacement in 5 to 7 years, so losing weight there was a need.)
posted by mephron at 11:12 PM on March 11, 2017
I was fat and happy, but I wasn't healthy, and that bit me in the ass, so now I'm working to be healthy and happy. (Did not mention before: I'm looking at a knee replacement in 5 to 7 years, so losing weight there was a need.)
posted by mephron at 11:12 PM on March 11, 2017
Slicing up your guts isn't really fixing anything.
Consider that you just described an operation which restored a man's ability to walk as not fixing anything.
Consider how dismissive that is of Paul Mason and the profound impact that the surgical intervention had on his quality of life.
Consider that you may be trying to apply a pet theory to a situation where it's singularly inapt.
posted by the latin mouse at 3:14 AM on March 12, 2017 [13 favorites]
Consider that you just described an operation which restored a man's ability to walk as not fixing anything.
Consider how dismissive that is of Paul Mason and the profound impact that the surgical intervention had on his quality of life.
Consider that you may be trying to apply a pet theory to a situation where it's singularly inapt.
posted by the latin mouse at 3:14 AM on March 12, 2017 [13 favorites]
Slicing up your guts isn't really fixing anything.
For better or worse, at this point in the history of medicine managing morbid obesity, it absolutely is.
Many people whose lives are consumed with medical misery have "healthy" hearts, ie no blockages nor evidence of imminent heart attacks. I'd say that's the least of the issues in a person who is morbidly overweight. It isn't judgement, it's just a plain fact of modern medicine that many of the skin, joint, and respiratory and metabolic problems that plague individuals past a certain BMI are essentially untreatable and at best can be kept stable but not lethal. Carrying less mass, whether through fortune, brute force of effort, or surgery confers an easing of these medical challenges that can upend the life of a person past a certain age or weight.
posted by docpops at 8:26 AM on March 12, 2017 [4 favorites]
For better or worse, at this point in the history of medicine managing morbid obesity, it absolutely is.
Many people whose lives are consumed with medical misery have "healthy" hearts, ie no blockages nor evidence of imminent heart attacks. I'd say that's the least of the issues in a person who is morbidly overweight. It isn't judgement, it's just a plain fact of modern medicine that many of the skin, joint, and respiratory and metabolic problems that plague individuals past a certain BMI are essentially untreatable and at best can be kept stable but not lethal. Carrying less mass, whether through fortune, brute force of effort, or surgery confers an easing of these medical challenges that can upend the life of a person past a certain age or weight.
posted by docpops at 8:26 AM on March 12, 2017 [4 favorites]
I appreciate that often things that are seen as flaws in a person are more constructively thought of as flaws in society, but he couldn't leave his room. It's difficult to see what improvements could've been made to his situation that didn't involve drastic weight loss.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:52 PM on March 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:52 PM on March 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
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