What annoyances are more painful than those of which we cannot complain?

March 21, 2017 4:19 PM

The Most Unsatisfying Video In The World Ever Made [soothing music, oddly] (unsatisfying video previously). Cleanse your emotional palate with this Previously Satisfying Video.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (32 comments total)

That was oddly satisfying.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:32 PM on March 21, 2017 [3 favorites]

Except the tomato segment, I couldn't overlook the terrible knife skills on display.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:32 PM on March 21, 2017

Wow, Johnny Wallflower, purveyor of fine dog and cat posts, has declared war on MetaFilter. I think we need to take this to MeTa.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 4:35 PM on March 21, 2017 [7 favorites]

I found the music to be not at all soothing and extremely unnerving with the way it kept cutting in and out and changing randomly. After watching this video five times in a row I had to rub an onion all over my face to calm down.
posted by ejs at 4:40 PM on March 21, 2017 [7 favorites]

Lost it at the second knife stroke. Genius!
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:53 PM on March 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

das gefällt mir (If your skimming--or obsessively watching, you sick fuck--lead you to the ending, perhaps you'd like to know what this German phrase means. I like that. That's a satisfyingly anodyne ending, I think.
posted by kozad at 5:08 PM on March 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

And then it got to the tomato and I wept
posted by not_the_water at 5:09 PM on March 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Except the tomato segment, I couldn't overlook the terrible knife skills on display.

Well, in Japan, the hand can be used as a knife. But that doesn't work on a tomato.
posted by The Bellman at 5:13 PM on March 21, 2017 [5 favorites]

Sure it does.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:30 PM on March 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

For some extra impact, spend some time on the most satisfying (*) of all satisfying video channels, PomPomToys before watching the unsatisfying one. You don't even have to watch any PomPom videos, you can just scroll down the page and look at the satisfying pictures...

*) at least according to all other "most satisfying video" uploaders, since all of them seem to steal their thumbnails from PomPom...
posted by effbot at 5:35 PM on March 21, 2017

Unsatisfying cake is a contradiction. Just so we're clear.
posted by klanawa at 5:44 PM on March 21, 2017 [4 favorites]

That was deeply unsettling. How dare you.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 5:44 PM on March 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Well, in Japan, the hand can be used as a knife. But that doesn't work on a tomato.

I dunno, it couldn't be much worse that the example in that video.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:49 PM on March 21, 2017

* eyeball twitches *
posted by spoobnooble II: electric bugaboo at 5:57 PM on March 21, 2017

This is how a "most satisfying video" would actually turn out if I tried to make one.
posted by NoMich at 6:24 PM on March 21, 2017

The onion rubbing was pretty funny. It seemed out of place with the others.

The hands never really expressed any frustration or even carelessness. Every action seemed deliberate and intentional. The person was clearly trying to squish a tomato and destroy an egg. So nothing raised my hackles or caused me to twitch.
posted by painquale at 6:34 PM on March 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

An assortment of representations of incompetence and representations of wickedness.

Pouring both skittles and m&m's into one serving bowl, for instance -- how totally, surprisingly wicked!
posted by bertran at 7:22 PM on March 21, 2017 [3 favorites]

The tape.

I had yet another personal tape experience this afternoon, so this hit a raw nerve. As usual, I just about lost it. Cursed the idiots responsible for making such a god damned fucked up mess of a product. Fortunately, no one witnessed my tantrum (this time).
posted by she's not there at 7:38 PM on March 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

das gefällt mir (If your skimming--or obsessively watching, you sick fuck--lead you to the ending, perhaps you'd like to know what this German phrase means. I like that. That's a satisfyingly anodyne ending, I think.

But the hands add an 's' to the 'das' at the last minute, turning the word from a subject pronoun 'das' to a subordinating conjunction 'dass', thus rendering the phrase both incomplete and intrinsically ungrammatical. (There's no way to add more words alongside 'dass gefällt mir' and get a grammatical sentence.) This -- since plainly done on purpose -- is truly spitefully wicked.
posted by bertran at 7:42 PM on March 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have unintentionally done about two-thirds of these.
posted by straight at 7:45 PM on March 21, 2017

For the most part I was ok with this, although it was definitely unsettling. But I actually screamed inside my head when they got to the knife/fork/bowl at the very end.

The skittles/m&ms isn't unsettling, it's just diabolical.
posted by telepanda at 8:39 PM on March 21, 2017

I laughed out loud at at the end of almost every segment. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
posted by martin q blank at 8:51 PM on March 21, 2017 [9 favorites]

I have to admit I don't see anything wrong with a bowl full of M&Ms and Skittles. Especially since they were peanut M&Ms, which are much larger than Skittles, so you'd never be in doubt about which one you were about to eat.

(honestly I just love candy and I'd be thrilled if I had either one in the house right now, and both would be even better.)
posted by Daily Alice at 9:15 PM on March 21, 2017

I was actually wondering if the M&Ms/Skittles issue is because they were different sizes and therefore ruining the common prank? Like putting an already-deflated whoopee cushion on a seat. Either way not super unsatisfying to me, but apparently I have high tolerance for dissatisfaction since I was unbothered by most of these scenes. Also I got really bored watching the "most satisfying" video.
posted by picklenickle at 10:27 PM on March 21, 2017

I've seen way too many fucked up, amazing, and disparate things in my life to be truly bothered by this. I realize that I probably have an amazing coping mechanism for seeing slightly discongruent things, where I breathe, acknowledge and accept the discomfort, and laugh hysterically.
posted by yueliang at 10:53 PM on March 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have that knife. Let me go get it...

Ooh! Right I am and I've two! Indeedy.

They use the refrigerator magnets to spell "not for cake." I can open my hands but they won't leave. I knew this was troub
posted by Mr. Yuck at 3:23 AM on March 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Everyone on my FB circuit has been passing this around, but for me, it just reinforces the coping mechanisms I have after years of watching people maladroitly doing the things that most people can't be bothered to learn to do properly.

[see also: virtually everything anyone has ever done with a pair of vise grips, a roll of duct tape, or a can of WD-40]
posted by sonascope at 4:22 AM on March 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Calm down, Satan.
posted by XtinaS at 7:25 AM on March 22, 2017

I was involuntarily cringing, yet couldn't stop watching and had to see what was next. That tomato - arrrrggh
posted by Fig at 8:00 AM on March 22, 2017

That was a voight-kampff for...something, not entirely sure what.

BRB, gotta go sharpen all my knives.
posted by sapere aude at 10:24 AM on March 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Pouring both skittles and m&m's into one serving bowl, for instance -- how totally, surprisingly wicked!

This person is a human monster.
posted by BrashTech at 10:55 AM on March 22, 2017

This is 2000% more satisfying that That Other Video, which was just random nonsense of not infrequently terrifying efficiency. ASMR Bloopers Supercut is a joyful reminder that our human flaws are hilarious (until someone loses a finger I suppose).

Who wants cake? I shall write your names on this whiteboard with a marker I am holding in my toes.
posted by byanyothername at 10:56 AM on March 22, 2017 [1 favorite]