Because who doesn't want to talk out loud to their computer?
May 1, 2017 9:09 AM   Subscribe

 
Unfortunately, all the jokes GA knows seem to have been selected by somebody's dad.
posted by signal at 9:09 AM on May 1 [1 favorite]


Because who doesn't want to talk out loud to their computer?

me

Unfortunately, all the jokes GA knows seem to have been selected by somebody's dad

could be worse, could be siri, the virtual assistant that won't tell you a joke when you want one and will tell you a joke when you don't
posted by entropicamericana at 9:16 AM on May 1 [5 favorites]


Too bad they removed the OK Google mic hotword from Chrome almost two years ago (except for Chromebooks which are still a good home-use machine). They could bring it back just for this and bring the GA to all really easily.
posted by deezil at 9:30 AM on May 1 [1 favorite]


ObTrek: Hello, computer
posted by mhum at 9:32 AM on May 1


Because who doesn't want to talk out loud to their computer?

Way back in the OS8/9 days, you could set-up your Mac with basic voice commands. I had mine to respond to commands to open various apps. Not sure when that went away.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:38 AM on May 1 [4 favorites]


I have a 6P, which has Google Assistant installed. It's sort of useful, especially when making calls. I have a number of Chrome OS devices, and GA is sort of useful. I also have a Windows machine, and what I like about it is being able to make phone calls right from Windows using Cortana.

The thing that sort of limits their usefulness is that I have the microphone turned "off" by default. We also have some Google Home appliances, and the microphone is turned off, too. Maybe I'm showing my age (Gen Xer) but I find it creepy to have microphones turned on, all the time.
posted by My Dad at 9:41 AM on May 1 [2 favorites]


I know the question is rhetorical and this response has already been posted but:

ME, FOR GOD'S SAKE THE ANSWER IS ME DON'T MAKE ME TALK TO MY FUCKING COMPUTER OR MY FUCKING PHONE OR BASICALLY ANYTHING UP TO AND INCLUDING OTHER HUMAN BEINGS FOR FUCK'S SAKE THIS BULLSHIT IS NOT USER FRIENDLY IT'S JUST NOISY
posted by tobascodagama at 9:44 AM on May 1 [33 favorites]


It's super user-friendly for my kid. But then again, he can't read.

I wish I had never introduced him to the concept, tbh, because now I am pretty sure that OK Google is his best friend and I think that means I fucked up.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:47 AM on May 1 [6 favorites]


What tobascodagama said. I unwittingly activate Siri at least once a day, and then folks near me witness me swearing at my phone. I am very, very chapped that I can't deactivate Siri entirely.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 9:49 AM on May 1 [3 favorites]


Want to know how much I want to talk to my computer?

Computer, Tea, Earl Grey, Hot.
posted by Nanukthedog at 9:50 AM on May 1 [7 favorites]


What tobascodagama said. I unwittingly activate Siri at least once a day, and then folks near me witness me swearing at my phone. I am very, very chapped that I can't deactivate Siri entirely.

Settings > Siri > Off
posted by entropicamericana at 10:03 AM on May 1 [4 favorites]


DON'T MAKE ME TALK TO MY FUCKING COMPUTER OR MY FUCKING PHONE

See, I love this. And it works almost all the time, even with stuff that might easily confuse another person. I like that Google knows my habits well enough to tell me that the drive home is busy on one route so I can chose another---and that it inferred where I live and work automatically. I like that it pulls appointments and reminders out of my email without having to go through the crap on the phone about switching apps. I like that it remembers my search history and shows me things that it thinks I'd be interested in---not just ads but related things. I really like where it knows itinerarys for flights and car rentals and hotels just from a bunch of emails and shows them to me as reminders and cards.

Yeah, yeah, Google is concentrated evil and I should know better than to take it out of the microwave. But I believe them when they say that this stuff is all done by machine and not people. In all, their premise is deal I'm prepared to make. I'm not a hermit, I live in a society and my footprints are everywhere if industries or governments care to look, and today, we must always assume they do. But the Google terms are a straight up tit-for-tat deal, I give them aggregate info about me, they can use that to really help me in return.

I don't see it as creepy or weird that things can be inferred from my biometrics or behaviour. It can often be helpful. In the worst case it's sometimes irrelevant. The trick with inferential systems is to ignore the useless stuff and use that to customize the assistant to you.

But mostly, I love this because I've wanted an assistant I don't have to pretend to be human with since I was a kid. It greatly reduces the cognitive load of interaction and information seeking for me. So I'll probably be trying this out at home at least.
posted by bonehead at 10:27 AM on May 1 [4 favorites]


Also, with time I've grown to understand how much I really, truly despise computer interfaces. Anything that takes away computery gubbins is A-OK with me. And I'm one of those sorts that gets calls from family members asking how to fix the printer.
posted by bonehead at 10:30 AM on May 1 [1 favorite]


/downloads, starts using, is immediately consigned to the Wicker Man by my coworkers
posted by Existential Dread at 10:33 AM on May 1 [5 favorites]


/downloads, starts using, is immediately consigned to the Wicker Man by my coworkers
posted by Existential Dread


Eponysterical.
posted by Melismata at 10:41 AM on May 1


"Alexa, play [song in my library]."

I'M SORRY, I CAN'T FIND [song in your library that is definitely there], BUT [totally unrelated song] IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON SUPER DUPER MUSIC PREMIUM DELUXE. HERE'S A SAMPLE.

[proceeds to play sample at absolute max volume, so loud that Alexa can't hear me screaming at her to turn it off]

They never had this problem on the Enterprise.
posted by Servo5678 at 10:43 AM on May 1 [12 favorites]


ObIT: Hello, Computer
posted by dagosto at 10:59 AM on May 1


I am very, very chapped that I can't deactivate Siri entirely.

Up until iOS 10.2, you had the choice of Siri or Voice Control. Siri was somewhat better behaved about being accidentally activated in ones pocket, but you couldn't turn BOTH off. (I'm pretty sure Voice Control's annoying beeping was intentional so that you'd enable Siri.)

As of 10.2, you can go into Settings, General, Accessiblity, Home Button, and set the "press and hold" to "Off", disabling BOTH.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 11:23 AM on May 1 [1 favorite]


Unfortunately, all the jokes GA knows seem to have been selected by somebody's dad.

And yet it has an additional conduit to Best Dad Jokes.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:37 AM on May 1 [1 favorite]


GA top link for Best Dad Jokes goes to a Reader's Digest Buzzfed listicle. I'm so not sure this one pans out so well.
posted by bonehead at 12:01 PM on May 1


I'd appreciate steps toward voice-activated computing if the implementation didn't feel like another iteration of creepy people engaged in creepy data collection for creepy emergent goals.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 12:41 PM on May 1




just because you're paranoid
don't mean they're not after you
posted by entropicamericana at 1:35 PM on May 1


Well, not me personally. But I'm a bit disturbed when keywords related to my medical history start showing up in sidebars when I turn off advertising blocks. And I think the current trend in algorithmic evil tends to support the status quo rather than challenge it.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 2:41 PM on May 1 [2 favorites]


I have absolutely zero interest in talking to my computer or talking to my phone, but I have no problem talking to a device I can put in rooms so that I feel like I'm talking to my house. I like talking to my house, in fact, and I'm not entirely sure why it's different, but it is.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:48 PM on May 1


Hildegarde: How do you feel about talking in your car?
(which is maybe the in-between point between house vs phone)
posted by artdrectr at 5:34 PM on May 1


Because who doesn't want to talk out loud to their computer?

I don't necessarily want to, but I do - as I often find myself trapped under things...like toddlers.
posted by Toddles at 9:45 PM on May 1


Cortana keeps trying to get me to use it a LOT in the last few days and it is really pissing me off. I do not WANT to talk to my computer. (a) I can look up my own damn shit just fine, I do not need you, I am in no way a "busy executive" who outsources anything, and (b) I spent way too much time today calling a phone line that was voice operated and those things can not ever understand a word I say. I do not want to play "Sorry, I didn't understand that" over and over and over again. Fuck that noise.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:31 PM on May 1 [1 favorite]


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