Respect for the truth is an acquired taste

May 5, 2017 6:32 PM

Lies parents tell their children.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (15 comments total)

Uh, I'm either doing parenting really right or really wrong because I've never told a whopper like these to my kid.
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:41 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Bleh. Am I the only one not cool with these? I don't find them funny- I find them an indication of bad parenting.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 6:41 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

No, you're not the only one. I won't ever claim to be a Perfect Parent, but the worst I ever did was occasionally pull a Calvin's Dad and come up with some outrageous explanation for something...which his mom always laughingly struck down before it could do any real damage. But that was just in fun, not out of laziness or to avoid Being A Decent Parent. Sheesh.

Also, I disagree with the title of this post - I think DISrespect for truth is the real acquired taste!
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:51 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

My proudest moment will be when it finally dawns on my son that I am completely full of shit.

I'm still hoping his first complete sentence will be "Don't patronize me, old man!"
posted by phooky at 6:52 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I had a friend growing up who lived on a street with "no commercial vehicles except one block for local traffic" restriction signs, to keep trucks from cutting through. His parents told him that they couldn't have cable TV installed because the cable company's van wasn't allowed to drive on their street, and he repeated this to me at some point. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how this could make any sense, since the sign said local traffic and my friend's house had stuff in it that obviously came in trucks like furniture and mattresses, before I eventually realized his parents were lying to him. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever shared that conclusion with my friend, but perhaps he noticed my skepticism.
posted by zachlipton at 6:55 PM on May 5, 2017

I mean I have been telling my five-year-old that Star Wars and Star Trek are the SAME THING, which is probably bad
posted by daisystomper at 6:56 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

I told my three year old son it was ok to go pet those baby Geese.... (He did prove true my thought that he could outrun a charging adult goose)
posted by HuronBob at 6:58 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I mean I have been telling my five-year-old that Star Wars and Star Trek are the SAME THING, which is probably bad

Dang.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:59 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Story time: when I was tiny, I had two little beat up baby blankets that I loved and took with me everywhere. Around the time I turned four, my family moved to Jersey, and around the same time the next door neighbors were getting a baby kitten. My mom explained to me that the kitten was very tiny and would be very lonely and afraid in its new home. Wouldn't it be nice if I gave up one of my blankets to give to the kitten? Of course it would, and since I was such a big and generous boy, I tearfully agreed to give up one of my blankies for the kitten. So sweet! So cute!

About a decade later we were visiting those same neighbors (who we'd kept in touch with over the years), and it suddenly occurred to me to ask how the kitten was doing.

"Kitten?" they asked, puzzled. "We've never had a cat."

I love my mom.
posted by phooky at 7:04 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]

My daughter somehow managed to convince herself that Chuck E. Cheese was only for parties. I tried to convince her otherwise, but not too hard.
posted by TedW at 7:05 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

(Moral of the story: parents, tell awesome lies to your kids, because when they figure it out a dozen years later they will hopefully be filled with admiration instead of incandescent rage)
posted by phooky at 7:05 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh jeez, it's not "bad parenting" unless saying stuff like this is the only wisdom you ever impart to your kids.

I once told my kids to be careful around dragonflies because they can sew your mouth shut, and then promptly forgot I ever said it, because we only ever saw dragonflies when we visited my inlaws' lake house, which until we moved close to it, was once a summer. A few years after we moved close to it I realized that while my older daughter had discarded it as bullshit, my younger one still wasn't sure if it might be true--she was maybe eight at the time of revelation.

It was very funny at the time and it hasn't gotten any less funny in the years since she's been in on the joke. Calvin's Dad is a perfectly reasonable role model in small doses.
posted by padraigin at 7:08 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

As a parent, you get tied of reasonably explaining things to your child, who is often unable to reason. Eventually, I'd just say It's in the Manual, the Parents' Manual. He was actually pissed that there is no manual, although, to be fair, I had many books on parenting & child development. I also randomly mentioned that I used to date George HW Bush. He just thought that was a funny lie, as intended. I told him he couldn't cross the very busy street alone, or play certain video games, or watch certain movies, until he was 30. By the time he was old enough to cross the very dangerous street, he just asked How are you going to stop me from crossing that street when I'm 18? and laughed when I gave him the Duh look.

I had the wherewithal to not lie to him about sex, money, religion and other things. And I spilled the beans about Santa, which he was sad about, so it was probably a bit soon.
posted by theora55 at 7:18 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I don't have kids, but I may have marveled to some kids that they still have their baby feet.
posted by snofoam at 7:24 PM on May 5, 2017 [5 favorites]

Bad parenting?

My mother told me that when an earthquake happens our planet is fighting with another planet.

That's great parenting.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:27 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]