Mystery horse braids
August 22, 2017 2:31 AM Subscribe
From the Fortean Times: "I live in Costa Rica these days. My girlfriends family here own a farm with many horses. She tells me that many times in the past they have discovered some of the horses in the morning with their manes braided perfectly. She says the horses were in a remote part of the farm where there are no people. Anyone have a clue what could be going on here?" Some suggestions from Fortean Times readers: occultists, Bigfoot, and little girls. Warlocks are consulted. Academic papers are published. It gets a little malicious. Just don't blame the hedgewitch!
I only know of the Fortean Times thru the life lessons of gentleman scholar Karl Dilkington and always assumed it was made up. I am thrilled that's not the case.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:12 AM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:12 AM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
lways thought it was the work of zombies with bad colds...
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:24 AM on August 22, 2017
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:24 AM on August 22, 2017
If there's some way I can send my six-year-old to the far corner of our yard to have her hair perfectly braided, that would be a big time saver. This post could change my life.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:28 AM on August 22, 2017 [52 favorites]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:28 AM on August 22, 2017 [52 favorites]
Clearly the horses are braiding each other's hair. We all like to look nice once in a while, don't we?
posted by backwards compatible at 4:29 AM on August 22, 2017 [21 favorites]
posted by backwards compatible at 4:29 AM on August 22, 2017 [21 favorites]
Metafilter: Academic papers are published. It gets a little malicious.
posted by jason_steakums at 5:36 AM on August 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 5:36 AM on August 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
More relevant than you'd think: The Sky Above, The Mud Below, by Tom Russell.
posted by Paul Slade at 5:39 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Paul Slade at 5:39 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
Gosh, I wish the American police would consult "friendly warlocks" about victimless misdemeanors, right?
posted by Mooseli at 6:24 AM on August 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Mooseli at 6:24 AM on August 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
Clearly an indication of a secret drone hovering manipulator program actually intended to rewire the worlds communication system that went rouge, escaped into the wild and instead of changing wires it's emergent AI developed a quirky aesthetic (one of the original programmers was likely a female of the originating species with a equestrian genetic compulsion that transitioned into the programming).
posted by sammyo at 6:30 AM on August 22, 2017
posted by sammyo at 6:30 AM on August 22, 2017
I'd put my money on it being Tina Belcher.
posted by LizBoBiz at 7:10 AM on August 22, 2017 [33 favorites]
posted by LizBoBiz at 7:10 AM on August 22, 2017 [33 favorites]
How much do I love that they are blaming witches. It's like a scene right out of the 18th century (disclaimer: I am a witch and it is 2017, but we don't get blamed for much in the western world these days)
posted by Sophie1 at 7:14 AM on August 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by Sophie1 at 7:14 AM on August 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
I like your thinking, sammyo, but surely a rouge drone would be doing the horses' makeup instead? :D
posted by daisyk at 7:30 AM on August 22, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by daisyk at 7:30 AM on August 22, 2017 [14 favorites]
A charming phrase from the academic paper:
posted by daisyk at 7:36 AM on August 22, 2017
...the natural horse is greasy and fairly dirty creature that will get tangles quite easily.Complete tangent: I would love to download the whole paper to read it at leisure, but academia.edu only let you sign in if you give them access to all your contacts on gmail. I fell for it once before and, unbeknownst to me at the time, it emailed everyone I knew who was already signed up. Including someone who'd cut contact with me and responded sharply. :( No problem! I shall read it online.
posted by daisyk at 7:36 AM on August 22, 2017
academia.edu only let you sign in if you give them access to all your contacts on gmail
what? that's ridiculous
posted by thelonius at 7:50 AM on August 22, 2017
what? that's ridiculous
posted by thelonius at 7:50 AM on August 22, 2017
A charming phrase from the academic paper:
...the natural horse is greasy and fairly dirty creature that will get tangles quite easily.
Greasy horses
Couldn't drag me away
posted by jason_steakums at 7:50 AM on August 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
...the natural horse is greasy and fairly dirty creature that will get tangles quite easily.
Greasy horses
Couldn't drag me away
posted by jason_steakums at 7:50 AM on August 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
thelonius, are you suggesting Trump is Bigfoot?!
posted by evilDoug at 8:02 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by evilDoug at 8:02 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not at all! I would never insult Bigfoot like that.
posted by thelonius at 8:05 AM on August 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 8:05 AM on August 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
I for one, am clearly blaming Sophie1. ;)
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 8:19 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 8:19 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
She says the horses were in a remote part of the farm where there are no people
Where there are horses, there are little girls.
posted by fshgrl at 8:24 AM on August 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
Where there are horses, there are little girls.
posted by fshgrl at 8:24 AM on August 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
...the natural horse is greasy and fairly dirty creature that will get tangles quite easily.
Natural horse on the land!
posted by thelonius at 8:30 AM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Natural horse on the land!
posted by thelonius at 8:30 AM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
...if only there were something that loved ponies and braiding hair!
posted by leotrotsky at 8:51 AM on August 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 8:51 AM on August 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
Looking at the pictures on the Bigfoot link, that's no braid, that's a nappy-ass dreadlock. You can get that from tangles.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:55 AM on August 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 8:55 AM on August 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
If this was happening only in Europe, I would immediately think it was fairies, because the little bastards are well-known for this sort of thing (also riding horses at night), but I don't think the Gentry occur in the Americas.
This article also mentions bigfoot, but with an illustration of what looks like a naturally-occurring dread, and of horses plausibly creating such a braid themselves by nuzzling each other. So maybe the horses are doing it themselves Possibly with assistance from fairies. Most likely young female ones.
posted by Fuchsoid at 9:14 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
This article also mentions bigfoot, but with an illustration of what looks like a naturally-occurring dread, and of horses plausibly creating such a braid themselves by nuzzling each other. So maybe the horses are doing it themselves Possibly with assistance from fairies. Most likely young female ones.
posted by Fuchsoid at 9:14 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm prepared to believe something fairly outlandish, like a weird family camping with small girls or a bizarre misaimed prank war, but then I see the picture and it's like...really? That's your "perfect braid"? That's what's got you hypothesizing about a sasquatch pony salon in the woods or literal witches doing actual magic that for some reason only affects remote isolated horses?
That's a tangle. I've had more "braided" hair after just not brushing for a few days on vacation.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? At least try to get something legitimately mysterious before you go haring off, huh?
I love the goofy joking speculation in this thread, but seeing people actually become concerned about this is making me sad. Like that video of the poor woman who saw a rainbow in her sprinklers on a sunny day and posted a recording of it to YouTube ranting about oils and chemicals in the water from the Illuminati.
posted by Scattercat at 9:21 AM on August 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
That's a tangle. I've had more "braided" hair after just not brushing for a few days on vacation.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? At least try to get something legitimately mysterious before you go haring off, huh?
I love the goofy joking speculation in this thread, but seeing people actually become concerned about this is making me sad. Like that video of the poor woman who saw a rainbow in her sprinklers on a sunny day and posted a recording of it to YouTube ranting about oils and chemicals in the water from the Illuminati.
posted by Scattercat at 9:21 AM on August 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
That's what's got you hypothesizing about a sasquatch pony salon in the woods or literal witches doing actual magic that for some reason only affects remote isolated horses?
OK, if I'm honest, it doesn't take a lot.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:41 AM on August 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
OK, if I'm honest, it doesn't take a lot.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:41 AM on August 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
She tells me that many times in the past they have discovered some of the horses in the morning with their manes braided perfectly. She says the horses were in a remote part of the farm where there are no people. Anyone have a clue what could be going on here?
Yes. People say a lot of things.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:50 AM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yes. People say a lot of things.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:50 AM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
nobody,not even Bigfoot,has such small hands
posted by chavenet at 9:57 AM on August 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 9:57 AM on August 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
Have these people never heard of psychic pony braiding?
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:16 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:16 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
nobody,not even Bigfoot,has such small hands
Does every thread need to be about Trump?
posted by leotrotsky at 10:18 AM on August 22, 2017
Does every thread need to be about Trump?
posted by leotrotsky at 10:18 AM on August 22, 2017
Like that video of the poor woman who saw a rainbow in her sprinklers on a sunny day and posted a recording of it to YouTube ranting about oils and chemicals in the water from the Illuminati.
Huh?
Oh. Geez.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:21 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
Huh?
Oh. Geez.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:21 AM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
Like that video of the poor woman who saw a rainbow in her sprinklers on a sunny day and posted a recording of it to YouTube ranting about oils and chemicals in the water from the Illuminati.
That's even better than the woman in Atlanta proving snow is fake, because it didn't behave like she thought it was supposed to when she put a torch lighter to it.
posted by thelonius at 10:22 AM on August 22, 2017
That's even better than the woman in Atlanta proving snow is fake, because it didn't behave like she thought it was supposed to when she put a torch lighter to it.
posted by thelonius at 10:22 AM on August 22, 2017
Like that video of the poor woman who saw a rainbow in her sprinklers on a sunny day and posted a recording of it to YouTube ranting about oils and chemicals in the water from the Illuminati.
Of late, so many people have bought into the story that the Fed is sitting on everyone's secret personal accounts, that it's taken to warning people not to use Federal Reserve routing account numbers to try to pay bills.
It's sad that actual nutters have taken all the fun out of nuttiness.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:37 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Of late, so many people have bought into the story that the Fed is sitting on everyone's secret personal accounts, that it's taken to warning people not to use Federal Reserve routing account numbers to try to pay bills.
It's sad that actual nutters have taken all the fun out of nuttiness.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:37 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Pretty sure Animal Collective just snapped up "Sasquatch Pony Salon" for the name of their next album.
posted by Quindar Beep at 10:41 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Quindar Beep at 10:41 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm starting to think I would start watching Supernatural again if they did a season in Central America.
posted by Ber at 10:49 AM on August 22, 2017
posted by Ber at 10:49 AM on August 22, 2017
Pretty sure Animal Collective just snapped up "Sasquatch Pony Salon" for the name of their next album.
They better not. I just registered it for my new business.
posted by loquacious at 11:24 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
They better not. I just registered it for my new business.
posted by loquacious at 11:24 AM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
one of those horses is a preteen girl animagus
posted by poffin boffin at 12:03 PM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 12:03 PM on August 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
This is great fun. But, like nearly everything surprising that happens at night in rural places, Occam's razor always leaves "bored teenagers" on the most-likely side. (Except missing cats and knocked-over garbage cans. And a significant fraction of all cattle mutilations.) I suggest leaving whisky and bags of crisps hanging on the fence near the gate. It never hurts to build up good will with night-faeries.
Though, I suppose, young (presumed) women having fun by harmlessly breaking social norms is more or less the definition witchcraft. So, perhaps these batshit crazy horse-owners aren't entirely wrong.
posted by eotvos at 12:06 PM on August 22, 2017
We think that this could be the case but have been told by a local Druid that it has nothing to do with witches or pagans and has something to do with New Age travellers.I wonder how one gets the job of local police-consultant Druid, and what a New Age traveller means in this context. I'm guessing the article is right and it's a very slightly less ugly way to blame "gypsies." But, I like to imagine they're talking about slightly-spacey young backpackers who've snuck off the nearby WWOOF host property.
Though, I suppose, young (presumed) women having fun by harmlessly breaking social norms is more or less the definition witchcraft. So, perhaps these batshit crazy horse-owners aren't entirely wrong.
posted by eotvos at 12:06 PM on August 22, 2017
what a New Age traveller means in this context
I think that's a UK thing, and does not refer to Romani people....more like van life types, who go to festivals and so on
posted by thelonius at 1:22 PM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think that's a UK thing, and does not refer to Romani people....more like van life types, who go to festivals and so on
posted by thelonius at 1:22 PM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Apparently, the term is notable enough to appear on Wikipedia. I assume it was coined in reference to the various ethnic groups also called "travellers" in the UK, even though it actually refers to a sort of lifestyle group rather than an ethnic group.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:02 PM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 2:02 PM on August 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
It was definitely Queen Mab, the fairies' midwife.
This is the very Mabposted by Pallas Athena at 5:16 PM on August 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
That plaits the manes of horses in the night
--Romeo and Juliet, I.iv
If there's some way I can send my six-year-old to the far corner of our yard to have her hair perfectly braided, that would be a big time saver. This post could change my life.
I too have a six-year old daughter who is obsessed with hair braiding - perhaps this is why I was drawn to this story in the first place (that and the unaccountably sweet image of a sasquatch braiding horse manes).
posted by misterbee at 9:53 PM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I too have a six-year old daughter who is obsessed with hair braiding - perhaps this is why I was drawn to this story in the first place (that and the unaccountably sweet image of a sasquatch braiding horse manes).
posted by misterbee at 9:53 PM on August 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh, the horses I've known and the braids I've done.....
Braiding used to be one of my favourite horse pastimes when I spent endless kid hours at the barn.
And, yeah, some horses have hair that tangles into dreads. If left to their own in a pasture, I think they will take up reggae; and who knows what weeds are growing in that far off field.
Horses for courses and such, but there's noting tidied up like a show hunter with a perfect row of braids.
posted by mightshould at 10:25 AM on August 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Braiding used to be one of my favourite horse pastimes when I spent endless kid hours at the barn.
And, yeah, some horses have hair that tangles into dreads. If left to their own in a pasture, I think they will take up reggae; and who knows what weeds are growing in that far off field.
Horses for courses and such, but there's noting tidied up like a show hunter with a perfect row of braids.
posted by mightshould at 10:25 AM on August 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
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posted by thelonius at 3:33 AM on August 22, 2017 [11 favorites]