For The Discerning, Segway-Hating Man About Town:

May 15, 2002 9:09 AM

For The Discerning, Segway-Hating Man About Town: Hammacher-Schlemmer's fantastic Unexpected catalogue is full of classy transportation devices, among countless other fascinating products, with prices to suit all pockets. The Two-Person Submarine is a snip at $62,900 but claustrophic types are well catered for too. There's the Zem 4-person bicycle for $6,499.95; the One Person Helium Balloon for 20K, the popular All-Terrain 2-Person Hovercraft; the very European Vespa motorbike; the extremely enticing Danish Police Runabout at only $5,999.95; the sexy little Amphibious Car for $9,995.95 and many, many more outlandish and distinctive vehicles, from 7 Person tricycles(for you, 16K)to a wooden '54 wooden Mercedes 300SL. For more sedentary gentlefolk, there are Feline Drinking Fountains, Impervious Unbreakable Chip Trays and, for only 25 bucks, a Barbershop Hot Lather Machine. Fancy anything, Madam or Sir?
posted by MiguelCardoso (19 comments total)

And I just got the new Crate and Barrel catalog today. And they have Bowls that look like fish! for only $19.95.
mmmm fish bowls
posted by FreezBoy at 9:16 AM on May 15, 2002

Ok, I am sure I need a hovercraft...the submarine would come in handy for terrorizing the duck pond...and the four person bike may be the coolest thing ever. Now...can anyone spot me a quick 100k? :)
posted by dejah420 at 9:17 AM on May 15, 2002

I had one of these, and I can tell you that they rule.
posted by Spoon at 9:24 AM on May 15, 2002

The continued existence of these makes me question the uselfulness of human life on this planet.

At what point in your music listening, shag carpeting-having life do you decide that you need the total immersion audio chair? Maybe for the evil supergenius who's just got to funk. I bet 99% of the people who have these have beaded back massagers in them.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:32 AM on May 15, 2002

And Freez...you haven't lived until you've had Champers out of a whale.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:34 AM on May 15, 2002

I wish Hammaker-Schlammaker sold my favorite personal transportation device. I had the one with the horsey head.
posted by yhbc at 9:36 AM on May 15, 2002

my parents used to get these catalogues, and i'd always giggle at the thought of your average bored corporate type wishing idly for his own hovercraft... then being pleasantly surprised by opening his new Hammacher Schlemmer mailing. "Jeeves! Bring me my Titanium DinEx card!"
posted by krewson at 9:42 AM on May 15, 2002

A friend of mine had one of those chairs, kafkaesque, and the craziest thing about it is how limited it is as a piece of furniture, because even when there's no music playing, you still can't hear people talking around you. It was something of a conversation piece, though, for those in a position to have a conversation.
posted by liam at 9:46 AM on May 15, 2002

What a disappointment that the (very exciting) 4 person bike costs more than my car! Once again the charms of cleaner technology are eclipsed by the expense of greener alternatives. Oh well, guess the fam' will just have to pedal our separate ways.
posted by CINDERELLEN at 10:13 AM on May 15, 2002

Cinderellen: The 4-person bike costs ~$1625 per person; the 7-person tricycle costs ~$2285 per person. For that sort of money you could get how many great bicycles? It doesn't make sense...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:30 AM on May 15, 2002

I remember they used to sell a Cadillac golf cart -- $20,000, if I remember well. That cracked me up -- paying more for a golf cart than many people pay for a car.

No doubt it makes sense if you own your own golf course, though....
posted by mattpfeff at 11:15 AM on May 15, 2002

How about a pony?
posted by NortonDC at 11:23 AM on May 15, 2002

That hovercraft would be a ton of fun in South Carolina's extensive wetlands. But if I still lived downtown, the Vespa would get my vote instead.

And I'm seriously considering a self-adjusting "radio-controlled" watch....
posted by alumshubby at 12:04 PM on May 15, 2002

Spoon, those recumbent cycles are death on wheels, at least in the city. Take away the biggest advantage (height) we cyclists have over cars in traffic? No thanks.
posted by jalexei at 12:55 PM on May 15, 2002

In my link-craziness I completely forgot to credit Simon Noonan's hilarious column in this week's New York Observer for pointing out the submarine offer on Hammacher Schlemmer's website. It's worth reading, even if you don't have a Russian sugar daddy or sugar mommy at hand. Warning: it might make you a Marxist.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:19 PM on May 15, 2002

Wow, Awesome links. I'd like a dinosaur topiary please. Me thinks Hammacher Schlemmer is the rich man's Things You Never Knew Existed.
posted by sadie01221975 at 1:54 PM on May 15, 2002

jalexei - they are actually not that bad, plus it feels like being in a grand prix car AND you can easily reach 50 mph on one. If you get the chance for a go - take it.
posted by Spoon at 3:40 PM on May 15, 2002

i want the inflatable iceberg. that, ah, could come in handy.
posted by clavdivs at 3:56 PM on May 15, 2002

....AND you can easily reach 50 mph on one

Damn, 50 mph? Hmmm.....
posted by jalexei at 7:02 PM on May 15, 2002