I Got Yer Sandwich RIGHT HERE.

January 24, 2018 2:07 PM

Jade Hameister is a 16-year-old student from Melbourne who's just successfully completed the "Polar Quest" - skiing to both the North and South Poles, and across the Greenland Ice Cap, setting a record for being the youngest-ever such explorer. But - she also found the time for a fantastic sass back to her trolls.

Jade's facebook photo from the South Pole shows her holding a ham sandwich. That's a delayed response to commenters on her Ted Talk from 2016, where she discussed her then-incomplete quest; unfortunately, her video saw several trolls posting the message "shut up and make me a sandwich".

Jade drily notes in the caption to her photo: "I made you a sandwich (ham & cheese), now ski 37 days and 600km to the South Pole and you can eat it."

posted by EmpressCallipygos (38 comments total)

Needs a #floesbeforebros hashtag
This is an amazing feat (the travel, not the sandwich). And while the 16 year old in me totes gets the desire to show those fuckers, my outer adult says Jade should revel in her achievement, and not feed the trolls.
posted by chavenet at 2:17 PM on January 24, 2018 [9 favorites]

You can only fairly accuse her of feeding the trolls if any of them can be arsed to go fetch the sandwich.
posted by ardgedee at 2:25 PM on January 24, 2018 [133 favorites]

I'm fully on board with Jade celebrating her achievement however the fuck she wants to. If that means a flipping a symbolic bird to a bunch of misogynist internet assholes who, note well, started the fucking fight in the first place, more power to her. I'm not sure she's under any obligation to prove that she's the bigger person. And in any case, she's already done that.
posted by Ipsifendus at 2:33 PM on January 24, 2018 [38 favorites]

More to the point, "don't feed the trolls" is bad advice, an argument to civility that said trolls never seem to follow themselves. I say to tell the trolls to fuck themselves, and in that vein, I heartily approve of this sandwich.
posted by NoxAeternum at 2:33 PM on January 24, 2018 [33 favorites]

In this particular case, I think her offer to feed the trolls (if they can do what she did) is fucking awesome. And I don't think anyone should deny her the right to a symbolic middle finger gesture to the haters. It made my day better anyway.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 2:35 PM on January 24, 2018 [9 favorites]

Just wow!
These accomplishments would be amazing if they were done by experienced explorers, and though it is obvious she has great support, it is still amazing.
posted by mumimor at 2:57 PM on January 24, 2018

I feel like an opportunity was missed to leave one slice of bread at each pole, for the ultimate sandwich-making.
posted by agentofselection at 3:10 PM on January 24, 2018 [60 favorites]

Amazing to think that just 100 years ago, getting to either of the poles was a grueling and often fatal trek...now 16-year-olds are skiing there and tweeting about it. I'm astounded at how much the world has changed in such a relatively short time, and impressed at her feats.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:19 PM on January 24, 2018 [4 favorites]

Not talking about this particular case, but in general, my instinct has long been "don't feed the trolls." Thinking about it, though, the reasoning for that strategy is typically that if you starve them of response, they'll give up.

These days, though, while I'm sure a troll would be happy to drink the tears of their victim, they're not depending on it for validation--they get that from the applause of their side of the ecosphere, from the people who agree with them.

The main reasons for not engaging with trolls then would be the general advice not to mud-wrestle with a pig (though a simple and clever riposte like this one doesn't fall into that category) and to not waste time/energy/thought on idiots (and hopefully she didn't, beyond the moment it took to think of this neat jab).

And, well, that's too much of my time/energy/thought spent on the idiots, so I'll join in the chorus of admiration for the accomplishment.
posted by Four Ds at 3:49 PM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Fucking awesome.
posted by rmd1023 at 3:55 PM on January 24, 2018

This is bizarre framing. Who gives a crap about internet shitslinging that crazy maniac just skied to both poles when most of us were worrying about zits.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:10 PM on January 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

Who gives a crap about internet shitslinging that crazy maniac just skied to both poles when most of us were worrying about zits.

Um, she does? 'Cause teenagers love slam-dunking on haters.
posted by straight at 4:13 PM on January 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

Maybe she will inspire her peers to give their trolls the same treatment? They say success is the best revenge.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:15 PM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I feel like an opportunity was missed to leave one slice of bread at each pole, for the ultimate sandwich-making.
If you put half a hotdog bun on each pole, does that make the earth a hotdog? Is that earth hotdog a sandwich?
posted by bleep at 4:16 PM on January 24, 2018 [14 favorites]

i went to the south pole and all i got was this lousy ham sandwich
posted by pyramid termite at 4:18 PM on January 24, 2018 [10 favorites]

The more I think about the response she's getting here the more worked up I get.

She stands up and says, "I'm going to do this thing."
People respond, "You shouldn't do that."
She does it and says, "Fuck you I did it."
PEOPLE RESPOND, "YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT."

Honestly, how about y'all stop telling her what she should and should not do? She did an amazing thing and stuck it to the haters. Let her have that, and let us enjoy it vicariously without all this talk about framing and feeding trolls.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:21 PM on January 24, 2018 [35 favorites]

she didn't feed the trolls, she fucking pwned them
posted by pyramid termite at 4:24 PM on January 24, 2018 [15 favorites]

Hope she had a jamon iberico and left them some sliced canned armour is all i’m saying.
posted by valkane at 4:24 PM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

Another Aussie girl, Jessica Watson, sailed around the world solo back in 2009-2010 when she was 16yo. She got an Order of Australia medal for that, and was named Young Australian of the Year 2011. So here's hoping Jade gets the honours due as well. Though Australia Day, when those honours are given, is tomorrow, so she may have to wait until next year.

The only trolls I heard about Jessica was that she was over-priveleged to have an ocean-going yacht at 15yo and the thing floats like a cork anyhow, she just proved that anyone could do it. But so what? Jessica still did it so STFU.

Should have been a vegemite sandwich, foreigners can't stand it but we eat it for breakfast.

Well done Jade, Aussie girls are pretty great.
posted by adept256 at 4:25 PM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

"Amazing to think that just 100 years ago, getting to either of the poles was a grueling and often fatal trek...now 16-year-olds are skiing there and tweeting about it. I'm astounded at how much the world has changed in such a relatively short time, and impressed at her feats."

Wright 1903 Flyer I: December 17, 1903

Landing on the moon: July 20, 1969

66 years from powered flight, to powered flight to the moon, landing, and coming home. Imagine what we -- as humans -- could do if we weren't wasting time on --[ /me waves hands around ]-- "ALL THIS BULLSHIT?"
posted by mikelieman at 4:37 PM on January 24, 2018 [31 favorites]

If we can send one troll to the poles for a sandwich, why not all of them?
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:43 PM on January 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Hasn't Poland suffered enough?
posted by adept256 at 5:46 PM on January 24, 2018 [10 favorites]

If you put half a hotdog bun on each pole, does that make the earth a hotdog? Is that earth hotdog a sandwich?

This must be the only place on the internet that I visit where we could have a story of an amazing young woman skiing to both poles, and becoming the youngest person to do so, and we're arguing over what constitutes a sandwich, or if she should have left bread at each pole, and if it would make the earth a sandwich.

I guess what I'm saying is, she's awesome, I love you people, and yes, it would be.
posted by mrgoat at 6:38 PM on January 24, 2018 [6 favorites]

I feel like an opportunity was missed to leave one slice of bread at each pole, for the ultimate sandwich-making.

You're just asking for Galactus to visit us, aren't you.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:52 PM on January 24, 2018 [9 favorites]

vegemite…foreigners can't stand it

I love that shit, but every other American I know would agree with you.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:58 PM on January 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

This amazing girl is my new superhero.

As for the whole “don’t feed the trolls” thing... y’all. The trolls try to shut us up, then you try to shut us up too. Don’t fight on the troll’s side by silencing their targets. That’s not a good look on anyone.
posted by palomar at 9:04 PM on January 24, 2018 [14 favorites]

Proving once and for all that revenge truly is best served cold.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:05 PM on January 24, 2018 [15 favorites]

Here, I thought I was something by moving to Germany at 16. Sheeeeeit. That was cake compared to Jade.

Jade, you are badass. This little old lady wants to be just like you!
posted by MissySedai at 9:23 PM on January 24, 2018

Eponysterical?

> The more I think about the response she's getting here the more worked up I get

Maybe think about it a bit less? I mean only one person mentioned that a small part of their own response was to think that she shouldn't feed the trolls. Everyone else seems to be fully supportive.
posted by merlynkline at 12:52 AM on January 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

The more I think about the response she's getting here the more worked up I get

Hyperbole much ?
posted by Pendragon at 2:06 AM on January 25, 2018

Could be hyperbole, could also be a wholly understandable reaction given that we women have life experiences that show us every single fucking day that people who cluck-cluck and say "take the higher ground," "be the better person," "don't feed the trolls" are quiiiiiiite numerous. So seeing even one here on MetaFilter is like, fuck, there's still so much work to do.

I'm not kidding when I say it's every fucking day by the way, just went through an instance not more than ten minutes ago. (Seriously. I am not kidding. This is not hyperbole. This is daily life as a woman. Anyone wants a sandwich, you can come to France, speak French well enough to be hired by a top French consultancy, and in order to get a badge that will allow you to visit my office, earn a project director position with a Fortune 5 mumble-place I won't specify further. Anything less than that and you won't be able to reach our floor. It's a good sandwich. We also have coffee and tea.)
posted by fraula at 2:56 AM on January 25, 2018 [20 favorites]

What Fraula said. In my experience, humiliating and embarrassing trolls isn’t “feeding” them - it’s sometimes the only thing that gets them to stop. And I’m very much over the ridiculously gendered nature of that advice. I mean, as if there aren’t scads of mediocre dudes who make an entire living off “feeding the trolls.”
posted by faineg at 5:49 AM on January 25, 2018 [7 favorites]

Her sandwich game is on point, tho. Thick, fluffy slices of bread, a good pile of ham folded rather than laid flat, a stack of cheese arranged so all the corners stick out in different directions... The best part is that she gets to eat it after trolling with it.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:53 AM on January 25, 2018 [3 favorites]

"This is bizarre framing. Who gives a crap about internet shitslinging that crazy maniac just skied to both poles when most of us were worrying about zits."

Sticking it to the trolls this hard in this manner is amazing, notable, and worthy of global attention. She is refusing to ignore them, or leave the internet, or be told what to do by people who don't know her world - and that is awesome.

However, while there certainly is at least something significant to the trips themselves that goes beyond the extravagant purchase of two commodities, I think its worthwhile to at least have reservations about anyone joining multiple six figure tourist tours being described as 'exploration,' 'expanding whats possible,' or an appropriate role model for any but the most independently wealthy women and girls. Never mind the problems with the heroic conquering explorer narrative that this tour marketing exercise is using her to sell, the message seems to me to be that girls can accomplish their dreams, improve their social media impact, and expand what is possible for women generally by not focusing on appearance to instead work hard ...and display immense inherited wealth and connections. A tourist trip across the Atlantic is a much better thing to spend money on than conspicuously expensive cloths, but a post about either on social media says essentially the same thing.

To do things like climbing Mt Everest and scooting around the poles, absent any genuine scientific purpose, is to cosplay former generations of actual explorers with a ...complicated... legacy rather than actually continue their work. Its a worthy and noble thing for someone with the means to do, but in a way that is essentially the same as a tourist trip to any other continent, just more extreme. Jade Hameister seems great and like a nice kid with her shit conspicuously together, but it'd be weird to ignore either the marketing goals of her parents or their conspicuous wealth.
posted by Blasdelb at 8:55 AM on January 25, 2018 [8 favorites]

I don't think these idiots can even appreciate a well-made sandwich. What evidence is there that she can even make a decent one? How many stars does she have on Yelp?
posted by Brocktoon at 10:22 AM on January 25, 2018

Jade Hameister seems great and like a nice kid with her shit conspicuously together, but it'd be weird to ignore either the marketing goals of her parents or their conspicuous wealth.

I actually find it weird that "teen doing something awesome" is automatically equated with "parents are exploiting child for their own fame" when there is no other supporting evidence of that behavior.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:58 AM on January 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

I don't know about exploiting parents, but I do know there's a lot of awesome teens out there that could do awesome things ("for science!!) if their parents had a fraction of the wealth this gal's parents have.

No dis for the kid. Good on her. I hope the next girl that does it is a 16 year old out of the projects that found a corporate sponsor.

I sent this to my granddaughters with no other comment than, "Girls RULE!"
posted by BlueHorse at 8:12 PM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

EmpressCallipygos: "I actually find it weird that "teen doing something awesome" is automatically equated with "parents are exploiting child for their own fame" when there is no other supporting evidence of that behavior."

Its not so conspicuous in the links, but at least the father makes a hobby out of this, and there is a commercial company running exactly these tours that can expect a peak in interest. The end result that we see here comes from amounts of money that are way beyond the vast majority of adults and a polished professional marketing campaign in addition to the clear but ...not unusual... moxie this teen has.

At least in science, the trope of "teen doing something awesome" absolutely should be automatically equated with adults, generally either some science teacher or well connected parent, hiding the extent of the direction they provided so that their work would be judged outside of adult norms and by standards appropriate to children. The 'discoveries' and contraptions that get represented as being made by children always inevitably boil down to nothing of inherent value being rooted in misunderstandings that are generally very basic, plagiarism, or other kinds of fraud, but they spread in news and on facebook because neither the journalists writing on them nor their audience have any background to know any better. This whole field of science reporting really can be summed up as journalists, lacking any real education in science themselves, ignoring real scientists to find children operating on a level they think they can understand. The only way to learn science is to do science, which even grade school kids are perfectly capable of doing, but real stuff requires adult direction that can be either honestly or dishonestly presented. The honest and actually cool examples of kids doing science never seem to attract much attention though, lacking the very adult fantasies these stories are written to impose on children and provoke in readers.

When we see "teen doing something awesome" stories, and that awesome thing requires this much resource support, it is absolutely proper that we look at it in the whole context rather than the narrow one we're always given. There are certainly worse things for the independently wealthy to take education breaks for, and I'm not suggesting that anything that particularly the kid has done is wrong or bad in any way, but Rich Kid Follows Fathers Footsteps by Taking Unusual Character Building and Slightly Dangerous Vacation is only news because of how we're maladaptively trained to worship wealth. The sandwich thing though is inherently and magnificently badass, even with the context.
posted by Blasdelb at 5:26 AM on January 26, 2018 [7 favorites]