No Mr. Bond, I expect you to bomb.

April 30, 2018 6:50 AM

Shirley Bassey? Pulp? Alice Cooper? All writing Bond themes? What could possibly go wrong? [Cue ejector seat.] Better than what they picked? You be the judge! The James Bond 007 themes that didn't make it. [Thanks deezil for the title.]
posted by Juso No Thankyou (30 comments total)

These probably should have been in a bonus section, but when it comes to Quantum of Solace, Mark Kermode's review is absolutely required viewing/listening, and Joe Cornish's theme song effort strangely says it all.
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 7:04 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

I always felt that U2's "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" wanted to be a Bond theme but somehow wound up on Batman Forever instead.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 7:17 AM on April 30, 2018 [20 favorites]

Seeing as Ace of Base were, essentially, gussied up neo-Nazi pop, I think Goldeneye made the right choice with Tina Turner.
posted by SansPoint at 7:20 AM on April 30, 2018 [6 favorites]

I always felt that U2's "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" wanted to be a Bond theme but somehow wound up on Batman Forever instead.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil

Also Bowie's "Lady Grinning Soul;" but maybe it's for the best, because no Bond movie could live up to that song.

Also, my old band once did an EP of fake Bond theme songs. I posted a few of them to MeFi Music under my old username:

Octopussy
Assassins Never Cry
Live Or Let Die
posted by the phlegmatic king at 7:22 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

Odd that they didn't include Radiohead's rejected theme music for Spectre.
posted by adamrice at 7:23 AM on April 30, 2018 [3 favorites]

I think Eliza Carthy had one of the best Not-Bond Themes of last year. Fade & Fall (Love Not).
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 7:28 AM on April 30, 2018

Odd that they didn't include Radiohead's rejected theme music for Spectre.

Of course that's only one of the rejects that's been fairly well-publicised. As I understand the theme pitching/soliciting process, there are many, many artists/bands involved with each production, and probably quite a few of them don't want to shout about not getting the bond theme.

Though if you're Jamie Cullum, you could probably care less. (That was supposed to be for Skyfall).
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 7:49 AM on April 30, 2018

The James Bonding podcast went through a lot of these as well, on a movie-by-movie basis.
posted by condour75 at 7:51 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

The Spectre opening titles edit with the Radiohead theme is so good.
posted by jason_steakums at 7:54 AM on April 30, 2018 [7 favorites]

The Spectre opening titles edit with the Radiohead theme is so good.

Holy shit you weren't kidding. That honestly made me want to watch a James Bond movie, something I wouldn't have thought possible at this point.
posted by saladin at 8:10 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

I guess it doesn't qualify for this list as "official candidates for Bond songs" but I'm sure I read somewhere that Muse's Supremacy was originally intended to be a Bond song. In any case, it works extremely well.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:13 AM on April 30, 2018

"I heard that it was gold/I heard that it's a finger..."
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 8:13 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

Odd that they didn't include Radiohead's rejected theme music for Spectre.

I saw the post and without reading the links got instantly sad/mad about Spectre. That song is among the quiet Radiohead tracks that straight-ahead owns bones.
posted by supercres at 8:14 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

There's also They Might Be Giants' Bond song sendup for Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me that ended up not getting used
posted by tarshish bound at 8:18 AM on April 30, 2018 [4 favorites]

Portions of the Yello song catalog seem to be attempts at Bond themes, but I don’t know if they ever submitted anything
posted by kreinsch at 8:38 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

Here is the demo Bono and Edge of U2 put together for Goldeneye before handing it off to Tina Turner. It’s rough and clearly meant as a guide track, but it’s still pretty awesome.

For those who don’t know, Bono is singing in his Macphisto persona. This was a character he created during the European leg of U2’s Zoo TV tour and was meant to be “the Devil as the last rock star.” Creepy, campy, and totally Bono.
posted by zooropa at 9:32 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

Then there's the James Bond themes like Duran Duran's "A View To A Kill" that deserved a better movie then they got.
posted by KingEdRa at 9:34 AM on April 30, 2018 [7 favorites]

Portions of the Yello song catalog seem to be attempts at Bond themes, but I don’t know if they ever submitted anything

I don't think they were offered as Bond themes but possibly you can't help but sound that way when Shirley Bassey is doing the vocals.. Though this track with Billy MacKenzie also sounds like a candidate..
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:36 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

They Might Be Giants' Mr. Klaw would also make a great Bond theme, even better if there's no villain with a talking claw, because the audience will be expecting it the whole movie.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:37 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

Joe Cornish's theme song effort strangely says it all.

Well, yes, of the two songs from the Adam and Joe team, that one is the...better song, technically, which is the best way to be better. But my heart will always belong to Adam's entry because of the lines:

I'd like a quantum of solace,
but no more than a quantum.
I know they do big bags of solace,
but I don't want 'em.
posted by Naberius at 9:46 AM on April 30, 2018 [7 favorites]

The thing about the Radiohead Spectre is that it's the theme to a completely different movie. I'd love to see the movie that goes with that title sequence, though. And I enjoy the movie as it stands. It's interesting that the title sequence fits almost perfectly with the Radiohead song - perhaps it was jettisoned at a very late stage.

As traditional when we have this conversation, it falls to me to mention Only Myself to Blame by Scott Walker.
posted by Grangousier at 10:16 AM on April 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

This song by Sinabo Sey which played at the end of the final episode of Sens8 has Bond theme oozing out of it. Say what you will about the show, The Wachowskis know how to pick music.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 10:23 AM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

My understanding is that Radiohead also submitted "Man of War" (aka "Big Boots") to "Spectre" but that it was rejected for not being "originally written for the film," which is a damn shame because it would also have been a fine song for that film.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:29 PM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

I thought this was going to be about alternatives to the original theme in 1962, not songs from the individual movies. The legendary theme that, on looking into it, I find was a) written by Monty Norman, not John Barry and b) adapted from a song Norman had written for a musical based on V.S. Naipaul's novel A House for Mr. Biswas.
posted by LeLiLo at 4:52 PM on April 30, 2018

He's a man whose name you'd love to touch, but you mustn't touch
posted by rhizome at 5:21 PM on April 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have long thought, mostly because of Mr. Knowitall, that Primus could deliver a solid Bond song if they wanted to.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 7:15 PM on April 30, 2018

HEEEE likes to wear mittens
HEEEE's got a deviated septum
HIIIIIS favorite movie is Turner and Hooooooooch
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 4:19 AM on May 1, 2018

A man of intrigue
He lives for the thrill
Always has places to go
And people to kill
Danger is the game he plays
And he holds every card
Cause if you wanna win
You gotta spy hard

How has nobody posted this yet?
posted by SansPoint at 9:32 AM on May 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

How has nobody posted this yet?

Personally, mostly because I re-enact Max Power bits in my head multiple times per week and I didn't want to hog all the good ones.
posted by rhizome at 10:40 AM on May 1, 2018

Also Bowie's "Lady Grinning Soul;" yt but maybe it's for the best, because no Bond movie could live up to that song. --phlegmatic king

David Bowie's Putting Out Fire, would have been a great Bond theme, but it was used for the movie Cat People instead.
posted by eye of newt at 9:31 PM on May 1, 2018