Insane in the mem-drain...
May 2, 2018 1:30 PM Subscribe
In an effort to prevent future flooding, the City of Houston has launched a program called Adopt-a-drain Houston. As part of the program, residents are free to name their adopted drain. A nickname battle has ensued. Keaton Fox of Houston's ABC13, via Twitter: The city of Houston started an adopt-a-drain program to help drainage. Adopt a drain and name it anything you want. No checks. No rules. What could go wrong?
(Dagnabbit. Somebody else already got that one.)
posted by asperity at 1:35 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by asperity at 1:35 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
"This is your drain on drugs" is very very good, however.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:40 PM on May 2, 2018 [18 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 1:40 PM on May 2, 2018 [18 favorites]
Well that's adorable. There was one in the Twitter comments "It's like DRAAAAAIN on Your Wedding Day" which I wish I had thought of. Apparently this is a program New Orleans also does.
posted by emjaybee at 1:41 PM on May 2, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 1:41 PM on May 2, 2018 [12 favorites]
"This is your drain on drugs" is very very good, however.
I would have gone with "your drain on brugs"
posted by exogenous at 1:46 PM on May 2, 2018 [20 favorites]
I would have gone with "your drain on brugs"
posted by exogenous at 1:46 PM on May 2, 2018 [20 favorites]
*steeples fingers* "Gentlemen. What is the most basic possible municipal service that we can convince people to crowdsource?" *intern raises hand timidly* "Yes, Justin?" "... keeping drains clear, sir?" "Ah ha ha! Yes, very good. Let's go with these... drains."
posted by phooky at 1:50 PM on May 2, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by phooky at 1:50 PM on May 2, 2018 [6 favorites]
"Kanye West's mouth" is the one I immediately thought of.
posted by dubwisened at 1:57 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by dubwisened at 1:57 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
I'm honestly surprised that classic internet troll option "Hitler Did Nothing Wrong" didn't make an appearance.
posted by boo_radley at 2:00 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 2:00 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
Ha, i didn't think to name my drains anything, i just wanted the fucking city to clean out the trap like it is supposed to.
the city of new orleans has a 13 year return schedule on cleaning out its small pipes, citywide, and i imagine "no zoning, really, yes we will put the refinery on top of a school in a riverside swamp at the bottom of the drainage basin and then ignore all the pollution and give them all the tax breaks" houston is 10x worse. You get one shot about every 13 years.
so pardon me if i didn't name my catch basin "st marks II bring the vac truck alongside the church facing north but avoid wednesday and sunday due to bible study parking gets nuts please do this so the ladies don't have to ruin their nice sunday shoes in a foot of water jesus loves you"
and "this one is across the street from st marks II again avoid bible study days Wed and Sun lots of homeless folks eat chicken in the shade so be wary of human waste and tons of styrofoam thank you for helping our neighborhood god bless"
posted by eustatic at 2:01 PM on May 2, 2018 [17 favorites]
the city of new orleans has a 13 year return schedule on cleaning out its small pipes, citywide, and i imagine "no zoning, really, yes we will put the refinery on top of a school in a riverside swamp at the bottom of the drainage basin and then ignore all the pollution and give them all the tax breaks" houston is 10x worse. You get one shot about every 13 years.
so pardon me if i didn't name my catch basin "st marks II bring the vac truck alongside the church facing north but avoid wednesday and sunday due to bible study parking gets nuts please do this so the ladies don't have to ruin their nice sunday shoes in a foot of water jesus loves you"
and "this one is across the street from st marks II again avoid bible study days Wed and Sun lots of homeless folks eat chicken in the shade so be wary of human waste and tons of styrofoam thank you for helping our neighborhood god bless"
posted by eustatic at 2:01 PM on May 2, 2018 [17 favorites]
Well, of course Drain the Swamp is already taken.
posted by Naberius at 2:15 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 2:15 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
Heaven forfend we fund basic drainage out of tax revenue. I mean that’s only something we’ve been doing for two or three thousand years.
posted by Happy Dave at 2:17 PM on May 2, 2018 [50 favorites]
posted by Happy Dave at 2:17 PM on May 2, 2018 [50 favorites]
I'm in a bad mood this afternoon so I'm going to get behind Happy Dave wholeheartedly.
posted by rhizome at 2:26 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 2:26 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
Dibs on Drainy McDrainface!
(Dagnabbit. Somebody else already got that one.)
With love and respect... of course somebody else already got that one.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:27 PM on May 2, 2018 [6 favorites]
(Dagnabbit. Somebody else already got that one.)
With love and respect... of course somebody else already got that one.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:27 PM on May 2, 2018 [6 favorites]
Dibs on "Drainiac."
posted by Alexander J. Luthor at 2:29 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Alexander J. Luthor at 2:29 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
Oh man Amherst needs to let us adopt fire hydrants so I can name the one that's in our yard Weedlord Bonerhitler.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:34 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 2:34 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
I thought "Purple Drain" was cute until I saw the one named "I Only Want to See You Laughing in the Purple Drain."
posted by gingerbeer at 2:53 PM on May 2, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by gingerbeer at 2:53 PM on May 2, 2018 [12 favorites]
Galaxy Drain
Niles and Frasier Drain
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
Niles and Frasier Drain
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 3:40 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
"Damn it, I wish we hadn't let the students name that one."
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:52 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:52 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
The one named "Ted Cruz's Career" is pretty good.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:37 PM on May 2, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:37 PM on May 2, 2018 [8 favorites]
I knew American politics was pretty bad right now, but... did you guys elect Pennywise?
posted by adept256 at 4:45 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 4:45 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
I was thinking "This is what libertarianism looks like" might be good. And follow it up by just leaving it alone.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:45 PM on May 2, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:45 PM on May 2, 2018 [14 favorites]
Someone suggested "Ted Cruz's Career".
snickers like a two year old
I see that someone has a "Bitcoin Please", along with their wallet address. There is also a company advertising their sex toys by using the URL as a drain name.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 4:48 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
snickers like a two year old
I see that someone has a "Bitcoin Please", along with their wallet address. There is also a company advertising their sex toys by using the URL as a drain name.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 4:48 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
I mean, it's fine, right?
"When somebody at the state level tells you that they're going to lower the property tax, what they're telling you is, 'We are not going to build many flood-control projects,'" Emmett said.
Officials are also asking Harris County residents to approve a $1-billion to $2-billion bond proposal to help pay for some projects. That will be on the ballot sometime this year.
Texas A&M University at Galveston marine sciences professor Sam Brody cautioned that Houston and the rest of Texas can't engineer their way out of flooding issues by only relying on large-scale projects. Efforts such as buying out homes in flood-prone areas and being mindful of future development must play a role in making the area more flood resilient, he said.
Houston remains the only major U.S. city without zoning, but it does have rules about building in the flood plain. The City Council is set to vote in the coming week on stricter rules. Harris County approved new restrictions late last year. Both Houston and Harris County are also pursuing a home buyout strategy.
"There is no one silver bullet that is going to fix this problem," Brody said. "It's a ... multi-strategy issue that people need to recognize," he said.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:56 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
"When somebody at the state level tells you that they're going to lower the property tax, what they're telling you is, 'We are not going to build many flood-control projects,'" Emmett said.
Officials are also asking Harris County residents to approve a $1-billion to $2-billion bond proposal to help pay for some projects. That will be on the ballot sometime this year.
Texas A&M University at Galveston marine sciences professor Sam Brody cautioned that Houston and the rest of Texas can't engineer their way out of flooding issues by only relying on large-scale projects. Efforts such as buying out homes in flood-prone areas and being mindful of future development must play a role in making the area more flood resilient, he said.
Houston remains the only major U.S. city without zoning, but it does have rules about building in the flood plain. The City Council is set to vote in the coming week on stricter rules. Harris County approved new restrictions late last year. Both Houston and Harris County are also pursuing a home buyout strategy.
"There is no one silver bullet that is going to fix this problem," Brody said. "It's a ... multi-strategy issue that people need to recognize," he said.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:56 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
"There is no one silver bullet that is going to fix this problem," Brody said.
Gosh, no one has ever faced a problem like this, except as someone pointed out above, every major metropolis for the last couple thousand years. It's a solved problem. The solution is to collect taxes and build sewers with the money. Let's not pretend this requires magic silver, it is actually that simple.
posted by adept256 at 5:04 PM on May 2, 2018 [18 favorites]
Gosh, no one has ever faced a problem like this, except as someone pointed out above, every major metropolis for the last couple thousand years. It's a solved problem. The solution is to collect taxes and build sewers with the money. Let's not pretend this requires magic silver, it is actually that simple.
posted by adept256 at 5:04 PM on May 2, 2018 [18 favorites]
Hi, I'm a free-form text field in a public-facing web service and welcome to jackass.
posted by mhoye at 5:34 PM on May 2, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:34 PM on May 2, 2018 [11 favorites]
I always tell people: don't buy a drain from a drain store or a drain breeder, adopt one from the shelter. There are hundreds of drains of all shapes and sizes looking for their forever home. All they ask for is a baking soda and vinegar colonic from time to time, and good fall from surrounding surfaces. Otherwise, they aren't a drain, they are just a fucking hole in the middle of the bathroom that is vaguely sinister and lets out old plumbing stink.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:46 PM on May 2, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:46 PM on May 2, 2018 [17 favorites]
they are just a fucking hole in the middle of the bathroom that is vaguely sinister and lets out old plumbing stink
Unless you live in a...
...wait for it...
...trap house.
*rimshot*
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:50 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
Unless you live in a...
...wait for it...
...trap house.
*rimshot*
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:50 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
Theraininspainfallsmainlydownthe Drain.
posted by carter at 7:05 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by carter at 7:05 PM on May 2, 2018 [5 favorites]
Clown Hole.
posted by srboisvert at 7:05 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 7:05 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
As a Bostonian, I'm loving that the very first entry on his list was obviously by a local who decided to move way westa (and southa) Worcester.
posted by adamg at 7:10 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by adamg at 7:10 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
Depourables. They all vote down here.
posted by adept256 at 7:13 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 7:13 PM on May 2, 2018 [2 favorites]
I was thinking "This is what libertarianism looks like" might be good. And follow it up by just leaving it alone.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:45 PM on May 2 [4 favorites +] [!]
Or Galt's Gulch for short.
posted by Tsuga at 7:46 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:45 PM on May 2 [4 favorites +] [!]
Or Galt's Gulch for short.
posted by Tsuga at 7:46 PM on May 2, 2018 [4 favorites]
mandolin conspiracy: "No checks. No rules. What could go wrong?"
I know; I know what could go wrong.
phooky: "*steeples fingers* "Gentlemen. What is the most basic possible municipal service that we can convince people to crowdsource?" *intern raises hand timidly* "Yes, Justin?" "... keeping drains clear, sir?" "Ah ha ha! Yes, very good. Let's go with these... drains.""
This is just keeping the grates and surrounding area free of debris right? Every where I've lived in Canada this was just expected, along with shovelling sidewalks, as part of the duties of owning a house. And in this case it's likely the home you save from flooding will be your own.
posted by Mitheral at 9:02 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
I know; I know what could go wrong.
phooky: "*steeples fingers* "Gentlemen. What is the most basic possible municipal service that we can convince people to crowdsource?" *intern raises hand timidly* "Yes, Justin?" "... keeping drains clear, sir?" "Ah ha ha! Yes, very good. Let's go with these... drains.""
This is just keeping the grates and surrounding area free of debris right? Every where I've lived in Canada this was just expected, along with shovelling sidewalks, as part of the duties of owning a house. And in this case it's likely the home you save from flooding will be your own.
posted by Mitheral at 9:02 PM on May 2, 2018 [1 favorite]
Residents are responsible for keeping it clear / not dumping paint in it. not everyone is going to go out and buy a gutter guard, inevitably they fill up--at least with leaves and soil, and elsewise
Cleaning the catch basin / drainage inlet box and the small pipes that lead from such inlets becomes a city responsibility.
If the resident adopts a drain, presumably they can also notify the city when the catch basin / inlet is clogged.
posted by eustatic at 3:10 AM on May 3, 2018
Cleaning the catch basin / drainage inlet box and the small pipes that lead from such inlets becomes a city responsibility.
If the resident adopts a drain, presumably they can also notify the city when the catch basin / inlet is clogged.
posted by eustatic at 3:10 AM on May 3, 2018
My city does this too. I considered participating, in a brief moment of community/neighborlymindedness, but where I live, there's probably a 50% chance of being stuck by a used needle in any one drain cleaning event. That's not a risk I'm willing to take.
posted by mollymayhem at 9:16 AM on May 3, 2018
posted by mollymayhem at 9:16 AM on May 3, 2018
mollymayhem, I recommend cleaning out drains with a pitchfork. I recommend doing almost any outdoor activity with a pitchfork. Who needs hands when you have tines?
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 4:23 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 4:23 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
Houston's Adopt-a-Drain program suspended after it was overrun by someone peddling sex toys:
The city's website restricted drain registrations starting Thursday after public works noticed the fraudulent adoptions directing people to the sex toy website, bad-dragon.com.
Before this person, who public works spokeswoman Alanna Reed dubbed a "drain rat," railroaded the Adopt-a-Drain program, more than 500 people had legitimately signed up to commit to cleaning 10 feet on both sides of the drain at least four times per year. Adopters also committed to placing leaves obstructing the drain in a lawn bag and also letting the city know if they "move away or can no longer give my adopted drain the love and care it deserves," according to an email adopters received.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:45 PM on May 7, 2018 [1 favorite]
The city's website restricted drain registrations starting Thursday after public works noticed the fraudulent adoptions directing people to the sex toy website, bad-dragon.com.
Before this person, who public works spokeswoman Alanna Reed dubbed a "drain rat," railroaded the Adopt-a-Drain program, more than 500 people had legitimately signed up to commit to cleaning 10 feet on both sides of the drain at least four times per year. Adopters also committed to placing leaves obstructing the drain in a lawn bag and also letting the city know if they "move away or can no longer give my adopted drain the love and care it deserves," according to an email adopters received.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:45 PM on May 7, 2018 [1 favorite]
« Older They were all made in the winter of 1913-1914, the... | [air horn] Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by asperity at 1:33 PM on May 2, 2018 [9 favorites]