Worst day at work
May 3, 2018 9:24 AM Subscribe
"If I had stopped concentrating for a second, I would have become time itself."
The time when I got my days wrong and ended up alone in a room with my boss and the President of Ireland while I was on ketamine. [Twitter thread]
This "unrolled" threadreader version is probably easier to read.
posted by exogenous at 9:35 AM on May 3, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by exogenous at 9:35 AM on May 3, 2018 [17 favorites]
Metafilter: a rotten tomatoes for twitter feeds
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:38 AM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:38 AM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
I can tell she definitely means green ketamine.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:50 AM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by uncleozzy at 9:50 AM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Nothing worse than sharing a green k-hole with your boss and the President of Ireland.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:52 AM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 9:52 AM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
Hmm: (Ketamine wholesalers are often vets, and the stuff originally for cats. People always say horse tranquiliser, either to make it sound more sordid or more badass, but ketamine is used on many animals, and vets have more use for cat tranqs than horses. Not quite as sexy is it?)
I guess this is going to depend on whether or not someone is a cat person?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:59 AM on May 3, 2018 [6 favorites]
I guess this is going to depend on whether or not someone is a cat person?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:59 AM on May 3, 2018 [6 favorites]
Linked off of the same "worst work-related fuckups" thead: I took the Deputy Prime Minister to a dogging site to announce the 5p plastic bag charge.
posted by figurant at 10:07 AM on May 3, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by figurant at 10:07 AM on May 3, 2018 [11 favorites]
And that's why you should always have a pair of cat-ears on hand when you're riding the k
posted by octobersurprise at 10:08 AM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by octobersurprise at 10:08 AM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
I̡̳̹̘̦ͅ ̙̺̘͔w̢͈̳̤a̛̱͙̩s҉̜n̸̜̳̱̥͇'͕̗͓͍̬͚͞ṱ̗͟ ͏e̝̟̹͈̫͙͟ͅv͙̭̜̫̦̯̣e̤̰͎͝n̺̣̹ ̬͙͉̳͈͟ͅs҉̘̣̖u͔͉͇͖͖͡p͏̠̹̣͙̠ͅpo̗̙͙s҉͈̥e̙͙̱̠̰̞̗d͔̭̻ ̗̠̣̘͇t̨o̷ ̞̹͝b͖͝e̳̟̝̞͉̯ ̘̗̫̖͚̟̭͘ḥ̸̭͚̳eŗ̬̭e ̬̯t̀o̶͇dà̝̻͙̲̮̳̻ý͕̼͖!͚͉̙̯̟ͅ
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:09 AM on May 3, 2018 [77 favorites]
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:09 AM on May 3, 2018 [77 favorites]
I am sweating like microwaved bread, eyes on hinges, convinced my fingernails owe me money.
Same here, brother. Same. Here.
posted by vibrotronica at 10:15 AM on May 3, 2018 [20 favorites]
Same here, brother. Same. Here.
posted by vibrotronica at 10:15 AM on May 3, 2018 [20 favorites]
"They call them fingers, but I never seen 'em fing.
Oh, there they go."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:17 AM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
Oh, there they go."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:17 AM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
Seamus O'Reilly is a really good writer. Here's a couple of threads on his Dad, who raised him and his 10 brothers and sisters (ages 2-17) after their Mum died.
Alright, don't get alarmed but my dad has just said he's never heard of rock, paper, scissors. Never. Heard. Of. It.
Some peeps asking after my da, who I took great joy in profiling last time I saw him. Since IT'S CHRISTMAS, a few more stories come to mind.
posted by maudlin at 10:18 AM on May 3, 2018 [26 favorites]
Alright, don't get alarmed but my dad has just said he's never heard of rock, paper, scissors. Never. Heard. Of. It.
Some peeps asking after my da, who I took great joy in profiling last time I saw him. Since IT'S CHRISTMAS, a few more stories come to mind.
posted by maudlin at 10:18 AM on May 3, 2018 [26 favorites]
Same here, brother. Same. Here.
posted by vibrotronica
Yeah I'm definitely saving up those exact lines for this summer, when a roadtrip across america I'm taking just might drive through a recreational cannabis state and I eat my first ever edible.
posted by wires at 10:18 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by vibrotronica
Yeah I'm definitely saving up those exact lines for this summer, when a roadtrip across america I'm taking just might drive through a recreational cannabis state and I eat my first ever edible.
posted by wires at 10:18 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
Seamus O'Reilly is a really good writer.
I rather enjoyed this turn of phrase:
"I am no longer mildly weird but deeply, extravagantly deranged."
I know the Twitter-thread-as-story format is deeply irritating to some people, but in the hands of someone who's a decent writer, I find them pretty darned entertaining.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:23 AM on May 3, 2018 [39 favorites]
I rather enjoyed this turn of phrase:
"I am no longer mildly weird but deeply, extravagantly deranged."
I know the Twitter-thread-as-story format is deeply irritating to some people, but in the hands of someone who's a decent writer, I find them pretty darned entertaining.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:23 AM on May 3, 2018 [39 favorites]
a frightened waif hepped up on cat tranqs
Brilliant. I was both gripped and amused.
Has 'racontweur' been coined yet because that is a neologism whose time is most assuredly come.
posted by freya_lamb at 10:26 AM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
Brilliant. I was both gripped and amused.
Has 'racontweur' been coined yet because that is a neologism whose time is most assuredly come.
posted by freya_lamb at 10:26 AM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
Time passes on my own. Empires crumble and glaciers dissolve, stars die and oceans melt, out on the dusty planes of mother earth, hot bursts of young love gift the miracle of life; children are born, raised, stricken infirm and die of old age.
It is known.
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:28 AM on May 3, 2018 [19 favorites]
It is known.
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:28 AM on May 3, 2018 [19 favorites]
From the rock, paper, scissors thread:
Not a joker by habit. I've said before the only joke my dad has ever deliberately told, while reversing the car, "ahh this takes me back".
I like this joke so much I might have to learn to drive, just to inflict it on my kids.
posted by threetwentytwo at 10:30 AM on May 3, 2018 [102 favorites]
Not a joker by habit. I've said before the only joke my dad has ever deliberately told, while reversing the car, "ahh this takes me back".
I like this joke so much I might have to learn to drive, just to inflict it on my kids.
posted by threetwentytwo at 10:30 AM on May 3, 2018 [102 favorites]
SEAMAS O'Reilly. I am deeply ashamed of my typo. I will atone with his letters to Santa.
posted by maudlin at 10:35 AM on May 3, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by maudlin at 10:35 AM on May 3, 2018 [6 favorites]
If someone has a Twitter list of "Twitter Thread Humorists of the British Isles" I would love to partake of it. I'm an absolute sucker for this stuff. I was in tears here at work.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:35 AM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 10:35 AM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
This is amazing. I don't really have any terrible work stories like this, but when I was in high school I worked at a golf course. Before I moved out to the actual course I worked on the driving range; one morning I arrived at work at 6 AM or whatever it was and everyone was running all over the place and the course was half flooded. Turned out the guy whose job it was to do the night watering (driving around in a golf cart and changing sprinklers manually, a gig I eventually graduated to) had come in piss drunk, driven into the pump that pulled the water out of a pond in the middle of the course, knocked it into the pond, panicked and just up and left the scene.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:36 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:36 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
...just might drive through a recreational cannabis state and I eat my first ever edible.
Among the many anecdata that are fraula's wacky family, my first edible was slipped to me unknown – in the form of pot brownies – by none other than my parents.
My abusive fundamentalist evangelical parents (granted, from and while in Oregon).
Slipped me a pot brownie. Or two.
The stated reason was "to see what our daughter's like when she chills the fuck out lol as if that's possible lol jesus wuvs u daughter why u not understaaaand that u just have to stop being who u aaaaaaare u annoying girl-child omigod we wish we never had uuuuu" and by then I had eaten two. Fundamentalist evangelicals on pot! Only in Oregon, I suspect. I hope. Genuinely. For the sake of humanity.
No chilling out on my part was on the menu, much to their non-dismay as they were flying high as kites. Totally non-fun fraula thought "yeah I guess you'd have to be a control group in order for your experiment to have a hope of any merit whatsoever" thus proving that I am indeed immune to any and all forms of fun-having.
no i'm not
posted by fraula at 10:44 AM on May 3, 2018 [38 favorites]
Among the many anecdata that are fraula's wacky family, my first edible was slipped to me unknown – in the form of pot brownies – by none other than my parents.
My abusive fundamentalist evangelical parents (granted, from and while in Oregon).
Slipped me a pot brownie. Or two.
The stated reason was "to see what our daughter's like when she chills the fuck out lol as if that's possible lol jesus wuvs u daughter why u not understaaaand that u just have to stop being who u aaaaaaare u annoying girl-child omigod we wish we never had uuuuu" and by then I had eaten two. Fundamentalist evangelicals on pot! Only in Oregon, I suspect. I hope. Genuinely. For the sake of humanity.
No chilling out on my part was on the menu, much to their non-dismay as they were flying high as kites. Totally non-fun fraula thought "yeah I guess you'd have to be a control group in order for your experiment to have a hope of any merit whatsoever" thus proving that I am indeed immune to any and all forms of fun-having.
no i'm not
posted by fraula at 10:44 AM on May 3, 2018 [38 favorites]
If the pump takes water from the pond and got knocked into the pond, isn't that a break-even situation? How could it flood anything?
posted by traveler_ at 10:46 AM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by traveler_ at 10:46 AM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
IIRC, the main pipe didn't get detached from the pump and the pump (which was only partially submerged) actually kept going until it ran out of gas.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:50 AM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:50 AM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Developing contender for worst day at work.
posted by SurfThug at 11:13 AM on May 3, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by SurfThug at 11:13 AM on May 3, 2018 [6 favorites]
(Ketamine is also just a regular human medication often administered by e.g. paramedics!)
posted by Drexen at 11:18 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Drexen at 11:18 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
Developing contender for worst day at work.
I read the headline and my jaw literally dropped VERY wide.
posted by brainwane at 11:29 AM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
Edibles are the devil. You can't moderate, once they're in, they're in and you are stoned out of your gourd. I spent a great deal of the late 80's and early 90s stoned, so I have a good idea of how weed works. I ate my first edible in 1996. Now, I have also done many other drugs (LSD, mushrooms, K, etc. multiple times) so I wasn't at all concerned until the helicopter was coming in through the ceiling and every noise was amplified and echoed billions and billions of times making me feel like I was personally keeping the helicopter out of my apartment and the TV was a distraction from keeping the helicopter out so FOR FUCK'S SAKE TURN OFF THE TV! The next morning when I woke up and future husband tried to give me orange juice, I was certain that reactivating the brownies would cause me to fall into a coma. Edibles can be very, very tricky to get right.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:40 AM on May 3, 2018 [22 favorites]
posted by Sophie1 at 11:40 AM on May 3, 2018 [22 favorites]
ONE HUNDRED FORTY SEVEN THOUSAND A YEAR AND ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS NOT SHIT THE LAWN.
Somebody hire me, I'm house trained.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:42 AM on May 3, 2018 [46 favorites]
Somebody hire me, I'm house trained.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:42 AM on May 3, 2018 [46 favorites]
I once ran lights for a show while drunk, but that was a breeze compared to this.
The director was the one who bought the drinks, and I think he was drunk too so I was pretty sure I'd be okay
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:43 AM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
The director was the one who bought the drinks, and I think he was drunk too so I was pretty sure I'd be okay
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:43 AM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
Edibles are the devil. You can't moderate, once they're in, they're in and you are stoned out of your gourd
We took some edibles camping once, baked from a bag of really seedy weed. Nobody tried smoking it before we ate it, but given the seeds, we assumed it would be schwaggy and dosed accordingly. Things got sort of weird when they started kicking in. I was having an alright time (I may have re-dosed, actually) but a few of the group had mostly lost the ability to speak.
When one camper showed up late, those of us who had retained the power of speech warned her that she might not want one. She didn't heed the warning and spend the rest of the night staring blankly into space, unwilling to talk or move.
So, yeah. Edibles are a terrible, awful way to ingest THC unless you know exactly how much you're getting, and even then ...
posted by uncleozzy at 11:54 AM on May 3, 2018 [9 favorites]
We took some edibles camping once, baked from a bag of really seedy weed. Nobody tried smoking it before we ate it, but given the seeds, we assumed it would be schwaggy and dosed accordingly. Things got sort of weird when they started kicking in. I was having an alright time (I may have re-dosed, actually) but a few of the group had mostly lost the ability to speak.
When one camper showed up late, those of us who had retained the power of speech warned her that she might not want one. She didn't heed the warning and spend the rest of the night staring blankly into space, unwilling to talk or move.
So, yeah. Edibles are a terrible, awful way to ingest THC unless you know exactly how much you're getting, and even then ...
posted by uncleozzy at 11:54 AM on May 3, 2018 [9 favorites]
HELLO GUYS
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:08 PM on May 3, 2018 [27 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:08 PM on May 3, 2018 [27 favorites]
In case you want a visual aid for what Ketamine does to a bloke, here's a Scottish man in an emergency room getting dosed. There is no gore/panic/pain or anything. He does have a swollen ankle with a mild scrape on it.
Based on the :"Yee Haw!" and "Woo!" that this guy is hollering, he is definitely convinced that his fingernails him money. And he loves it.
Obviously Mr. Ankle's broke has been given a higher than the recreational dose taken by the OP's story teller, but pretty illustrative all the same.
posted by wires at 12:08 PM on May 3, 2018 [7 favorites]
Based on the :"Yee Haw!" and "Woo!" that this guy is hollering, he is definitely convinced that his fingernails him money. And he loves it.
Obviously Mr. Ankle's broke has been given a higher than the recreational dose taken by the OP's story teller, but pretty illustrative all the same.
posted by wires at 12:08 PM on May 3, 2018 [7 favorites]
Developing contender for worst day at work.
Shore News Network:
posted by zarq at 12:13 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
Shore News Network:
Tramaglini who earns $147,000 per year as superintendent of the Kenilworth K-12 school district made his daily head call on the high school grounds.
The school board placed Tramaglini, now being dubbed “The Super Pooper” and “Pooperintendent of Schools” on paid administrative leave.
After finding out about Tramaglini’s excremental excursions, the board in Kenilworth appointed their number two to the job to replace him.
...
Police later dropped heat on Thomas Tramaglini who resides in nearby Matawan. He was charged with Lewdness, Littering, and Defecating in Public.
posted by zarq at 12:13 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
YES the super pooper story came at just the right time.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:14 PM on May 3, 2018
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:14 PM on May 3, 2018
This practically describes my 18th birthday.
I don't do anything, normally. When I was a little girl, my aunt and her then boyfriend offered me a joint, for the fun of it, and I didn't enjoy it at all. Since then I have (almost) never smoked, and the few times I have tried have been disasters, echoing that childhood experience. But I always want to be the perfect host, and when I turned 18, I felt that included offering a huge vat of pot chai to my afternoon tea guests. This turned out to be complicated. I hadn't imagined my paternal grandmother would come over. When she did, I struggled with explaining that she certainly wouldn't enjoy it and I'd make her a cup of tea right away. (From what I now understand about gran, she would have loved it, and I should have been honest about it). Anyway, at the time I was totally straight, I had only tasted while cooking and the effect hadn't set in.
The really complicated thing was that my birthday is the same as my maternal gran and my step gran, so after my own homey afternoon pot-chai event, I was going to my maternal grandparents' house for a very, very fancy dinner with mostly their friends. And when I pushed the doorbell, exactly on time, I suddenly realized that the pot was very effective. Again, it probably wasn't as big a scandal as I thought then, but it was crazy. I was the center of attention of a lot of people I barely knew, and I was stoned beyond reach. Nobody has ever said anything about it.
posted by mumimor at 12:18 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
I don't do anything, normally. When I was a little girl, my aunt and her then boyfriend offered me a joint, for the fun of it, and I didn't enjoy it at all. Since then I have (almost) never smoked, and the few times I have tried have been disasters, echoing that childhood experience. But I always want to be the perfect host, and when I turned 18, I felt that included offering a huge vat of pot chai to my afternoon tea guests. This turned out to be complicated. I hadn't imagined my paternal grandmother would come over. When she did, I struggled with explaining that she certainly wouldn't enjoy it and I'd make her a cup of tea right away. (From what I now understand about gran, she would have loved it, and I should have been honest about it). Anyway, at the time I was totally straight, I had only tasted while cooking and the effect hadn't set in.
The really complicated thing was that my birthday is the same as my maternal gran and my step gran, so after my own homey afternoon pot-chai event, I was going to my maternal grandparents' house for a very, very fancy dinner with mostly their friends. And when I pushed the doorbell, exactly on time, I suddenly realized that the pot was very effective. Again, it probably wasn't as big a scandal as I thought then, but it was crazy. I was the center of attention of a lot of people I barely knew, and I was stoned beyond reach. Nobody has ever said anything about it.
posted by mumimor at 12:18 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
> We took some edibles camping once, baked from a bag of really seedy weed.
One of my housemates in university had a bag of really cheap shake that he wound up dumping into a pile of cookie dough and throwing into the oven. He didn't think the cookies would be very strong given the low quality of the weed, so he invited a bunch of people over and told them to help themselves. IIRC I had four or five; some people (including a couple who had very little experience with drugs) had up to ten. Knowing what I know now about edibles, I'm kind of amazed the night didn't go even further off the rails than it did; I had a great time, but two guys in particular kind of freaked out in a bad way.
The worst drug story I've ever heard was a guy who told me that the one time he did acid he was in so much "psychic agony" (his exact phrase) that not only did he think he was going to die, he was *hoping* he would die.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:18 PM on May 3, 2018
One of my housemates in university had a bag of really cheap shake that he wound up dumping into a pile of cookie dough and throwing into the oven. He didn't think the cookies would be very strong given the low quality of the weed, so he invited a bunch of people over and told them to help themselves. IIRC I had four or five; some people (including a couple who had very little experience with drugs) had up to ten. Knowing what I know now about edibles, I'm kind of amazed the night didn't go even further off the rails than it did; I had a great time, but two guys in particular kind of freaked out in a bad way.
The worst drug story I've ever heard was a guy who told me that the one time he did acid he was in so much "psychic agony" (his exact phrase) that not only did he think he was going to die, he was *hoping* he would die.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:18 PM on May 3, 2018
Time passes on my own. Empires crumble and glaciers dissolve, stars die and oceans melt, out on the dusty planes of mother earth, hot bursts of young love gift the miracle of life; children are born, raised, stricken infirm and die of old age.
The best thing about this paragraph is that it's practically a Terrence Malick movie all on its little ownsome.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:23 PM on May 3, 2018 [13 favorites]
The best thing about this paragraph is that it's practically a Terrence Malick movie all on its little ownsome.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:23 PM on May 3, 2018 [13 favorites]
Edibles are the devil.
Chiming in here, the last time I had an edible was the night of the 2000 SC GOP primary and besides it being a too too heavy experience I then kept burping that shit up for days afterward.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:28 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Chiming in here, the last time I had an edible was the night of the 2000 SC GOP primary and besides it being a too too heavy experience I then kept burping that shit up for days afterward.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:28 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
*Much of Canada takes careful notes on edibles before July 1*
posted by maudlin at 12:36 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by maudlin at 12:36 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
that not only did he think he was going to die, he was *hoping* he would die.
Hell, that's me, stone sober on an ocean-going boat.
posted by notsnot at 12:50 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Hell, that's me, stone sober on an ocean-going boat.
posted by notsnot at 12:50 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
*Much of Canada takes careful notes on edibles before July 1*
My understanding is that edibles won't be part of the initial "batch" of legalized methods of weed. So I guess more time to either get hyped or decide to nope out.
posted by joelhunt at 12:52 PM on May 3, 2018
My understanding is that edibles won't be part of the initial "batch" of legalized methods of weed. So I guess more time to either get hyped or decide to nope out.
posted by joelhunt at 12:52 PM on May 3, 2018
Edibles can be very, very tricky to get right.
Noob error #1: getting the munchies when the only food available in the entire flat is more hash brownies
posted by flabdablet at 12:55 PM on May 3, 2018 [33 favorites]
Noob error #1: getting the munchies when the only food available in the entire flat is more hash brownies
posted by flabdablet at 12:55 PM on May 3, 2018 [33 favorites]
Dissociatives are weird. Like, I know that I got an endoscopy, but I remember the doctor reaching his hand down my throat and rummaging around in my stomach.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 12:58 PM on May 3, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 12:58 PM on May 3, 2018 [16 favorites]
I'd figured out around the time I was 25 or so, that taking hard drugs in controlled environments was way more fun than going out and doing drugs where you didn't know who and/or what you'd run into. For instance, at 19, I'd learned that taking LSD when being threatened by a gang of white supremacists to bash our heads in was unambiguously stupid. On the other hand, renting a posh hotel suite and taking LSD with 15 of your best friends was absolutely brilliant. Similarly, shrooms at Disneyworld was a freaking nightmare. Shrooms in a friend's, for sale and already emptied, house with a large fire in the fireplace and 10 of your besties is amazing.
In other words, when you do your drugs, make certain you're not meeting the President of Ireland.
By the way, I've been quite drug and booze free for over a decade, just in case anyone was worried.
posted by Sophie1 at 12:58 PM on May 3, 2018 [14 favorites]
In other words, when you do your drugs, make certain you're not meeting the President of Ireland.
By the way, I've been quite drug and booze free for over a decade, just in case anyone was worried.
posted by Sophie1 at 12:58 PM on May 3, 2018 [14 favorites]
I know that I got an endoscopy, but I remember the doctor reaching his hand down my throat and rummaging around in my stomach
Topologically that's equivalent to a nice back scratch, so it's all good.
posted by flabdablet at 12:59 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
Topologically that's equivalent to a nice back scratch, so it's all good.
posted by flabdablet at 12:59 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
Did not end how I expected. Five stars. Would order white wine again.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:59 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:59 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
This story is so great, I laughed and laughed. I can likewise attest these things aren't very funny while they're happening ... but that's also why I maintain a hard line on restricting my psychedelic/hallucinogen use to times when I am far, far away from civilization. I can't handle much sensory input beyond the classification "sunshine / gentle breeze / bucolic forest" while I'm that deep in the mind-caves. Even being indoors is too much.
posted by mykescipark at 1:01 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by mykescipark at 1:01 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
sunshine / gentle breeze / bucolic forest and also all the trees won’t stop pulsating and I think I’m gonna get seasick.
posted by Grandysaur at 1:04 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Grandysaur at 1:04 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
sunshine / gentle breeze / bucolic forest and also all the trees won’t stop pulsating and I think I’m gonna get seasick.
Don't close your eyes, that'll make it worse ;-)
posted by mykescipark at 1:05 PM on May 3, 2018
Don't close your eyes, that'll make it worse ;-)
posted by mykescipark at 1:05 PM on May 3, 2018
So, this seems like the right thread to ask this question.
As a relative neophyte to the world of recreational drug use, I've been experimenting a bit with edibles from the Very Nice Folks at the dispensary down the street. Is tinnitus, like, a super common thing for folks when the weed kicks in? The first sign that I'm actually getting high is an intense roaring in my ears (shortly after that, of course, the giggles start).
posted by hanov3r at 1:09 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
As a relative neophyte to the world of recreational drug use, I've been experimenting a bit with edibles from the Very Nice Folks at the dispensary down the street. Is tinnitus, like, a super common thing for folks when the weed kicks in? The first sign that I'm actually getting high is an intense roaring in my ears (shortly after that, of course, the giggles start).
posted by hanov3r at 1:09 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
Living through that harrowing experience was surely worth it to be able to tell the tale later.
some people (including a couple who had very little experience with drugs) had up to ten
I hear stories like this, and I just don't get it. Exactly what thought process leads to the conclusion "I should take a massive dose of an unfamiliar drug"? I mean, even conceding that inexperienced users won't know how big a proper dose of edibles should be, it's obvious that ten cookies is a lot of fucking weed. It's a good thing these folks learned their lesson with a relatively harmless substance like pot, instead of something more dangerous.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 1:10 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
some people (including a couple who had very little experience with drugs) had up to ten
I hear stories like this, and I just don't get it. Exactly what thought process leads to the conclusion "I should take a massive dose of an unfamiliar drug"? I mean, even conceding that inexperienced users won't know how big a proper dose of edibles should be, it's obvious that ten cookies is a lot of fucking weed. It's a good thing these folks learned their lesson with a relatively harmless substance like pot, instead of something more dangerous.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 1:10 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
I had a boss once who came in and prepared people's taxes while still zipping around hyperspace from some unexpectedly potent research chemicals the night before. In between tax returns he found a piece of foam rubber in back to lie down on and moan.
Dude's parents had bought a Liberty franchise and made their son the manager to try to set him straight, and had clearly underestimated his tenacity and dedication.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:11 PM on May 3, 2018 [34 favorites]
Dude's parents had bought a Liberty franchise and made their son the manager to try to set him straight, and had clearly underestimated his tenacity and dedication.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:11 PM on May 3, 2018 [34 favorites]
> I'm taking just might drive through a recreational cannabis state and I eat my first ever edible.
Be careful. I had the sleep of babies for like a week, but I also had a really bad day where I decided there was no real reason that everything I bought should go to waste. This coupled with the altitude made me wish I'd been a lot more conservative with my dosing, but then I only had five days.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:16 PM on May 3, 2018
Be careful. I had the sleep of babies for like a week, but I also had a really bad day where I decided there was no real reason that everything I bought should go to waste. This coupled with the altitude made me wish I'd been a lot more conservative with my dosing, but then I only had five days.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:16 PM on May 3, 2018
Is tinnitus, like, a super common thing for folks when the weed kicks in? The first sign that I'm actually getting high is an intense roaring in my ears (shortly after that, of course, the giggles start).
Maybe, eat a bit less so that it's not quite so big an experience. Generally, weed should be a very peaceful slowing down, not an intense roaring experience.
posted by Sophie1 at 1:16 PM on May 3, 2018
Maybe, eat a bit less so that it's not quite so big an experience. Generally, weed should be a very peaceful slowing down, not an intense roaring experience.
posted by Sophie1 at 1:16 PM on May 3, 2018
Is tinnitus, like, a super common thing for folks when the weed kicks in? The first sign that I'm actually getting high is an intense roaring in my ears (shortly after that, of course, the giggles start).
that's why they call the good stuff "loud"
posted by wires at 1:24 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
that's why they call the good stuff "loud"
posted by wires at 1:24 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
I mean, even conceding that inexperienced users won't know how big a proper dose of edibles should be, it's obvious that ten cookies is a lot of fucking weed.Why is it obvious? If you're inexperienced, you wouldn't have any idea how much marijuana is actually going into the cookies, right? For all you know it might be like vanilla extract or salt amounts.
That being said, depending on the size of the cookie (another unaccounted-for variable!), ten cookies could certainly be a lot of cookie.
posted by inconstant at 1:27 PM on May 3, 2018 [14 favorites]
A friend of mine has a story about doing too much ketamine at a party and collapsing onto a couch in a state of what amounted to temporary paralysis, time he spent concentrating on not shitting himself.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:44 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:44 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Why is it obvious? If you're inexperienced, you wouldn't have any idea how much marijuana is actually going into the cookies, right? For all you know it might be like vanilla extract or salt amounts.
I dunno. Back in the day, my now wife and her friend actually made the brownies so knew exactly how much stuff was in it but still ate a third of the pan each. The look of horror on their faces as they passed me my share and I only ate one was unforgettable - as was the rest of the night herding them back home.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:52 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
I dunno. Back in the day, my now wife and her friend actually made the brownies so knew exactly how much stuff was in it but still ate a third of the pan each. The look of horror on their faces as they passed me my share and I only ate one was unforgettable - as was the rest of the night herding them back home.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:52 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
My understanding is that edibles won't be part of the initial "batch" of legalized methods of weed. So I guess more time to either get hyped or decide to nope out.
I'm waiting with bated breath for Margaret Wente to have her Maureen Dowd moment with edibles.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:05 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'm waiting with bated breath for Margaret Wente to have her Maureen Dowd moment with edibles.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:05 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'm waiting with bated breath for Margaret Wente to have her Maureen Dowd moment with edibles.
I expect that column will sound strangely familiar.
posted by maudlin at 2:13 PM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
I expect that column will sound strangely familiar.
posted by maudlin at 2:13 PM on May 3, 2018 [12 favorites]
This is the part where I point out that Maureen Dowd's edible pot OD experience is actually testimony to how benign the drug is. She holed up in a hotel room alone and took a very large dose of a drug she had no experience with and didn't tell anyone where she was or what she was doing. Yes, she had a miserable few hours, but if she had done the same thing with cocaine, amphetamines, or opiates, she would be dead now. Hell, if she had locked herself in her hotel room and downed a fifth of whiskey on an empty stomach, there's a non zero chance she wouldn't have woken up the next morning.
posted by vibrotronica at 2:29 PM on May 3, 2018 [34 favorites]
posted by vibrotronica at 2:29 PM on May 3, 2018 [34 favorites]
Wente's column will probably plagiarize Dowd's, but will differ slightly in that she will find a way to blame her negative experiences on feminists and/or liberal arts majors.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:01 PM on May 3, 2018 [18 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:01 PM on May 3, 2018 [18 favorites]
As a relative neophyte to the world of recreational drug use, I've been experimenting a bit with edibles from the Very Nice Folks at the dispensary down the street. Is tinnitus, like, a super common thing for folks when the weed kicks in? The first sign that I'm actually getting high is an intense roaring in my ears (shortly after that, of course, the giggles start).
hmm - I know when I've done the OD-on-edibles everybody is swapping stories about it tends to give me orthostatic hypotension, which in turn causes tinnitus or hissing in the ears. But I wouldn't say I've noticed that getting regular high.
(pretty sure the guy who said "that's why it's called 'loud'" is being facetious)
posted by atoxyl at 3:10 PM on May 3, 2018
hmm - I know when I've done the OD-on-edibles everybody is swapping stories about it tends to give me orthostatic hypotension, which in turn causes tinnitus or hissing in the ears. But I wouldn't say I've noticed that getting regular high.
(pretty sure the guy who said "that's why it's called 'loud'" is being facetious)
posted by atoxyl at 3:10 PM on May 3, 2018
> Exactly what thought process leads to the conclusion "I should take a massive dose of an unfamiliar drug"?
This was back in the mid-'90s, when edibles and the knowledge thereof were not as widespread as they are now. The guy who made them for us was kind of a pothead, but he had no experience with edibles and expressly *told* us to eat a bunch of them (as he did, also) because otherwise we probably wouldn't get very high. None of us had any frame of reference for how large a dose we were ingesting. Hell, a friend of my wife's (who has basically never smoked pot in her life) was going to eat an entire cookie in one go last year before she was told to start with like an eighth of it because not knowing any better she figured one cookie was just the standard dose.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:14 PM on May 3, 2018
This was back in the mid-'90s, when edibles and the knowledge thereof were not as widespread as they are now. The guy who made them for us was kind of a pothead, but he had no experience with edibles and expressly *told* us to eat a bunch of them (as he did, also) because otherwise we probably wouldn't get very high. None of us had any frame of reference for how large a dose we were ingesting. Hell, a friend of my wife's (who has basically never smoked pot in her life) was going to eat an entire cookie in one go last year before she was told to start with like an eighth of it because not knowing any better she figured one cookie was just the standard dose.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:14 PM on May 3, 2018
(Ketamine is also just a regular human medication often administered by e.g. paramedics!)
Indeed. Ketamine is the reason my wife welcomed our first child into the world while having a deeply traumatic disassociative episode because she was having a C-section and the epidural wouldn't take.
So, uh, YMMV.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 3:18 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
Indeed. Ketamine is the reason my wife welcomed our first child into the world while having a deeply traumatic disassociative episode because she was having a C-section and the epidural wouldn't take.
So, uh, YMMV.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 3:18 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
I remember many years ago, standing at the end of the path leading up to my front door, sobbing and completely unable to walk down it and into my house. All because I’m a nibbler, and there was a big plate of chocolate chip cookies at the party I had just left.
A plate of cookies made with so much high potency THC butter that I thought I might never be normal again.
(Update: I eventually was persuaded to go in the house. Then I threw up. Normality resumed at some point.)
posted by 41swans at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
A plate of cookies made with so much high potency THC butter that I thought I might never be normal again.
(Update: I eventually was persuaded to go in the house. Then I threw up. Normality resumed at some point.)
posted by 41swans at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
The look of horror on their faces as they passed me my share and I only ate one
As an example of the potency of current dispensary products, I use a sharp knife to shave one thick curl off the short end of a brownie and that's still..a lot. I once ate half of a free sample that was maybe the size/volume of a domino, and lost the ability to speak for the night and was too high to sleep.
I do remember people cheerfully eating multiple 90s-grade brownies for a pleasant afternoon. What we have today is weed made out of 100% science, and it is not fucking around.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2018 [24 favorites]
As an example of the potency of current dispensary products, I use a sharp knife to shave one thick curl off the short end of a brownie and that's still..a lot. I once ate half of a free sample that was maybe the size/volume of a domino, and lost the ability to speak for the night and was too high to sleep.
I do remember people cheerfully eating multiple 90s-grade brownies for a pleasant afternoon. What we have today is weed made out of 100% science, and it is not fucking around.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:36 PM on May 3, 2018 [24 favorites]
Edibles are great at an appropriate dosage. The real problem is that you have no earthly idea what an appropriate dosage might be. Hell, I take edibles damn near every night of the year to sleep, these days, and I still have an experience that varies noticeably from night to night - I put the oil into capsules so that the quantity is the same for a given batch, but hey, last night I discovered that the bottom of the jar is waaaaay stronger than the top!
Last week I was in more pain than usual and... well, I got to say a very vivid, intense goodbye to my beloved grandmother.
Who is still living, perfectly healthy and cognizant, in Michigan.
posted by restless_nomad at 3:56 PM on May 3, 2018 [14 favorites]
Last week I was in more pain than usual and... well, I got to say a very vivid, intense goodbye to my beloved grandmother.
Who is still living, perfectly healthy and cognizant, in Michigan.
posted by restless_nomad at 3:56 PM on May 3, 2018 [14 favorites]
Oh, I had it for anesthetic...antistetics...to put me under for minor surgery and I had about 17 dream shooshs. Vivid, clarifying and wow. Um, they used Valium in a controlled experiment to ease the waking process as it can be quite tough for some folks.
posted by clavdivs at 3:58 PM on May 3, 2018
posted by clavdivs at 3:58 PM on May 3, 2018
I know someone who used an edible to help keep themselves calm during a plane trip. Took it before security, napped a bit waiting for the plane, got on the plane, buckled their seatbelt. Everything was fine until the crew began to close the jet door, when the eater sprayed a jet of vomit all over the walls of the cabin and had to leave the plane and miss the flight and vacation with no possibility of refund.
This was not the first time this person had hosed down surfaces with cannabis vomit. Edibles are to be feared.
posted by infinitewindow at 4:24 PM on May 3, 2018
This was not the first time this person had hosed down surfaces with cannabis vomit. Edibles are to be feared.
posted by infinitewindow at 4:24 PM on May 3, 2018
time he spent concentrating on not shitting himself.
I mean, this is just plain ol' good etiquette in any social situation.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:28 PM on May 3, 2018 [11 favorites]
I mean, this is just plain ol' good etiquette in any social situation.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:28 PM on May 3, 2018 [11 favorites]
I once was deep into a night of ketamine with a small group of friends when someone asked me what I was doing the next day. "Sleeping in and then renewing my passport for that trip to Europe next month." And someone piped up that they had just done their passport the week before and it was absolute madness down there because of the new rule about needing your passport to cross the US border. So that led to me riding my bike moderately high through a rare Vancouver snow storm across the Cambie bridge at 2:30am.
Glad I did it though. I wound up 12th out of what was estimated to be 600 people in a line snaking several city blocks by the time they opened at 8am. Several of us strangers rotated going on coffee runs so I was mostly sober by the time I had to talk to someone official, and I was back home in bed by 10:30. I imagine some of those people waited all day and didn't get in. Suckers. Shoulda done ketamine.
posted by mannequito at 4:30 PM on May 3, 2018 [32 favorites]
Glad I did it though. I wound up 12th out of what was estimated to be 600 people in a line snaking several city blocks by the time they opened at 8am. Several of us strangers rotated going on coffee runs so I was mostly sober by the time I had to talk to someone official, and I was back home in bed by 10:30. I imagine some of those people waited all day and didn't get in. Suckers. Shoulda done ketamine.
posted by mannequito at 4:30 PM on May 3, 2018 [32 favorites]
See, my only experience with ketamine is giving very small amounts of it to very, very small monkeys and then collecting a bunch of genetic samples from them. Including trying to electroejaculate them, which it turns out doesn't work very well when they are dosed on ketamine. You've got to time it just right as they're waking up from the ketamine. I always felt guilty about taking advantage of tiny monkeys this way, but I hope that they were actually just tripping like crazy.
posted by ChuraChura at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2018 [35 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 4:56 PM on May 3, 2018 [35 favorites]
Congrats, ChuraChura: alien abductions are karmic payback against our species for you personally.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:07 PM on May 3, 2018 [29 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:07 PM on May 3, 2018 [29 favorites]
I mean, this is just plain ol' good etiquette in any social situation.
There's a school supe in New Jersey who wants to have a word with you on that one.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 5:08 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
There's a school supe in New Jersey who wants to have a word with you on that one.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 5:08 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
As a New Jerseyan, I'm happy there is a school superintendent who gives a shit, no matter what he's on.
posted by mollweide at 5:30 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by mollweide at 5:30 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
(Ketamine is also just a regular human medication often administered by e.g. paramedics!)
Last year our toddler had a red hot go at redecorating his head. The doctors were going to stitch his cut closed and administered ketamine to sedate him. When they dosed him he stopped breathing more or less instantly. That was exciting.
Fortunately the docs had prepared for such a reaction (which is rare and unpredictable) and had things under immediate control. He was fine.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 5:46 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
Last year our toddler had a red hot go at redecorating his head. The doctors were going to stitch his cut closed and administered ketamine to sedate him. When they dosed him he stopped breathing more or less instantly. That was exciting.
Fortunately the docs had prepared for such a reaction (which is rare and unpredictable) and had things under immediate control. He was fine.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 5:46 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
Edibles are hard to work with but given that I vape THC oil daily, pretty much the only way I can get impressively high now is with edibles. But since I'm eating low-carb again, I don't want to blow my precious carbs on candy or cookies, so I have a syringe of very very strong distillate goo tucked away in a drawer and once a month or so I remember it's there and help myself to a squirt of goo about an inch long. A few weeks back I had the customary goo squirt and nothing really happened, so this Tuesday evening I had a little more of the goo than I usually would, and then I settled in to watch all the available new Handmaid's Tale episodes, and ohhhhhhh boy was that ever a bad trip. I should have stuck to binge watching Frasier and trying to do my nails.
posted by palomar at 6:09 PM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by palomar at 6:09 PM on May 3, 2018 [3 favorites]
As someone who has more than just dabbled in hallucinogens, there is so much of this which is awesome when combined with the clever writing.
posted by AJScease at 6:10 PM on May 3, 2018
posted by AJScease at 6:10 PM on May 3, 2018
Wow, a "sliver" of a brownie? An "eighth" of a cookie? Not even dieters administer such tortures to themselves as far as I know. Is there any reason people don't deliberately dilute the stuff if they're going to be sticking it in desserts?
posted by inconstant at 6:43 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by inconstant at 6:43 PM on May 3, 2018 [10 favorites]
*pre-TSA edible en route to SFO consumed*
...coming to, as it were, in Denver, apparently sitting at the appropriate gate for connecting flight to St. Louis but desperately needing to urinate, thinking "but how do I stand up?" coupled with "once standing what do I do?"
A half second of panic before the useful part of my brain caught up and I started laughing at the "predicament." More entertaining than xanax for flying...then again, my first LSD and first mescaline trips while in college involved AN! aDVeNtUR*e!! to go hang out with classmates and faculty at Friday pub nights, so maybe I just like terrible-on-paper ideas...
posted by hototogisu at 6:43 PM on May 3, 2018
...coming to, as it were, in Denver, apparently sitting at the appropriate gate for connecting flight to St. Louis but desperately needing to urinate, thinking "but how do I stand up?" coupled with "once standing what do I do?"
A half second of panic before the useful part of my brain caught up and I started laughing at the "predicament." More entertaining than xanax for flying...then again, my first LSD and first mescaline trips while in college involved AN! aDVeNtUR*e!! to go hang out with classmates and faculty at Friday pub nights, so maybe I just like terrible-on-paper ideas...
posted by hototogisu at 6:43 PM on May 3, 2018
Ketamine is the reason my wife welcomed our first child into the world while having a deeply traumatic disassociative episode because she was having a C-section and the epidural wouldn't take.
When I was on my back, strapped to the table for a C-section to bring pleasant_confusion jr. into the world, I had similar difficulties (turns out I am nearly immune to many painkillers that end in —caine). The anesthesiologist got very huffy and defensive with me when, in response to being offered ketamine, I responded, incredulously, "You want to send me down a K-hole?!? Now?!? It hardly seems like the time for street drugs!"
posted by pleasant_confusion at 7:32 PM on May 3, 2018 [19 favorites]
When I was on my back, strapped to the table for a C-section to bring pleasant_confusion jr. into the world, I had similar difficulties (turns out I am nearly immune to many painkillers that end in —caine). The anesthesiologist got very huffy and defensive with me when, in response to being offered ketamine, I responded, incredulously, "You want to send me down a K-hole?!? Now?!? It hardly seems like the time for street drugs!"
posted by pleasant_confusion at 7:32 PM on May 3, 2018 [19 favorites]
Yes what I don't get about edibles is why, if they're so strong, you don't dilute them more so a regular size portion doesn't fuck you up, or else make very small edibles so people get that each one is a dose.
But then I fall into the "gets paranoid and anxious" rather than "has fun" group of pot smokers so I won't be trying them anyway :/
posted by emjaybee at 7:34 PM on May 3, 2018
But then I fall into the "gets paranoid and anxious" rather than "has fun" group of pot smokers so I won't be trying them anyway :/
posted by emjaybee at 7:34 PM on May 3, 2018
Is there any reason people don't deliberately dilute the stuff if they're going to be sticking it in desserts?
Commercially prepared edibles have quality control measures, so they contain specific amounts of THC. A typical single dosage candy or cookie is like 10 mg, which isn't a huge amount. 10 mg could be enough to get a person somewhat stoned... or it could have little to no effect on them, because part of the trick of edibles is the timing of the dosage. Are they eating the edible on an empty stomach, or a full one? Also, how large of a person are they? How often do they use THC? Are they a person for whom edibles are always dicey? I have a friend who can smoke all the live long day and appear totally sober and normal, but give her one 10 mg candy and she's fucked up for three days. In stark contrast, her boyfriend feels no effect from edibles but gets super high from smoking.
Edibles prepared at home are, obviously, much different. How strong is the marijuana that was used? How was it prepared -- was it just thrown dry and unprocessed into the brownie batter, or gently simmered for hours in butter or oil to draw out all the cannabinoids and then that butter or oil is used in the dessert, or some other method? How much marijuana -- an eighth, a half, a whole ounce? Just shake, or full buds, or buds plus kief from multiple other buds that the baker has been collecting and saving up for just such an occasion? Is it just a brownie with marijuana in it, or did someone get fancy and make frosting for the top that also has marijuana in it? And then, how does the baker know how much is in a single brownie? What is the appropriate size of one dose of home-baked brownie, when a specific amount of orally ingested THC will impact different bodies in different ways, or even impact the same body in different ways at different times?
posted by palomar at 7:39 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
Commercially prepared edibles have quality control measures, so they contain specific amounts of THC. A typical single dosage candy or cookie is like 10 mg, which isn't a huge amount. 10 mg could be enough to get a person somewhat stoned... or it could have little to no effect on them, because part of the trick of edibles is the timing of the dosage. Are they eating the edible on an empty stomach, or a full one? Also, how large of a person are they? How often do they use THC? Are they a person for whom edibles are always dicey? I have a friend who can smoke all the live long day and appear totally sober and normal, but give her one 10 mg candy and she's fucked up for three days. In stark contrast, her boyfriend feels no effect from edibles but gets super high from smoking.
Edibles prepared at home are, obviously, much different. How strong is the marijuana that was used? How was it prepared -- was it just thrown dry and unprocessed into the brownie batter, or gently simmered for hours in butter or oil to draw out all the cannabinoids and then that butter or oil is used in the dessert, or some other method? How much marijuana -- an eighth, a half, a whole ounce? Just shake, or full buds, or buds plus kief from multiple other buds that the baker has been collecting and saving up for just such an occasion? Is it just a brownie with marijuana in it, or did someone get fancy and make frosting for the top that also has marijuana in it? And then, how does the baker know how much is in a single brownie? What is the appropriate size of one dose of home-baked brownie, when a specific amount of orally ingested THC will impact different bodies in different ways, or even impact the same body in different ways at different times?
posted by palomar at 7:39 PM on May 3, 2018 [4 favorites]
Yes what I don't get about edibles is why, if they're so strong, you don't dilute them more so a regular size portion doesn't fuck you up, or else make very small edibles so people get that each one is a dose.
They do, these days, make THC-imbued mints and candies of which one is supposed to be a fairly precise dose. I think in many cases that dose is still calibrated for at least semi-regular users, though, which can be a problem for those with zero tolerance.
posted by atoxyl at 7:44 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
They do, these days, make THC-imbued mints and candies of which one is supposed to be a fairly precise dose. I think in many cases that dose is still calibrated for at least semi-regular users, though, which can be a problem for those with zero tolerance.
posted by atoxyl at 7:44 PM on May 3, 2018 [2 favorites]
Why is edible marijuana stronger than smoking?
posted by palomar at 8:05 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by palomar at 8:05 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Even funnier on a second read, he’s a gifted writer.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:48 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:48 PM on May 3, 2018 [1 favorite]
Not a joker by habit. I've said before the only joke my dad has ever deliberately told, while reversing the car, "ahh this takes me back".
I like this joke so much I might have to learn to drive, just to inflict it on my kids.
Yeah, that's even better than the one about everybody dying to get into the cemetery.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:03 PM on May 3, 2018
I like this joke so much I might have to learn to drive, just to inflict it on my kids.
Yeah, that's even better than the one about everybody dying to get into the cemetery.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:03 PM on May 3, 2018
This reminds me of TIME FOR SOME STORIES, except with the protagonist grown up and on home-baked green ketamine.
posted by not_on_display at 11:53 PM on May 3, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by not_on_display at 11:53 PM on May 3, 2018 [8 favorites]
...the only joke my dad has ever deliberately told, while reversing the car, "ahh this takes me back".
I couldn't resist trying that one out on my 13 year old daughter last night. She responded with a big eye roll and an exasperated "Really, dad?" So the joke was a complete success.
posted by TedW at 5:32 AM on May 4, 2018 [27 favorites]
I couldn't resist trying that one out on my 13 year old daughter last night. She responded with a big eye roll and an exasperated "Really, dad?" So the joke was a complete success.
posted by TedW at 5:32 AM on May 4, 2018 [27 favorites]
Ah I was so curious as to which president, I was kinda hoping it would be the original Mary, Robinson, but nothing wrong with MMA. Who he reaaaaally needed though was our present President, Miggeldy Higgins. I mean can you imagine being off your tits with this legend.
posted by Iteki at 10:29 AM on May 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Iteki at 10:29 AM on May 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
A+++. Read it out loud to mr. hgg and we were both howling by the time we got to YES I LIKE IT I THINK IT'S GOOD
I'm disappointed Canada won't be legalizing edibles by July 1, because I want some pain relief alternatives now that I can't take ibuprofen anymore, but I'm not fond of smoking. However, after reading all the stories in this thread now I know to be very, very careful and not eat too much if I ever do try them.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:24 PM on May 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm disappointed Canada won't be legalizing edibles by July 1, because I want some pain relief alternatives now that I can't take ibuprofen anymore, but I'm not fond of smoking. However, after reading all the stories in this thread now I know to be very, very careful and not eat too much if I ever do try them.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:24 PM on May 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm disappointed Canada won't be legalizing edibles by July 1, because I want some pain relief alternatives now that I can't take ibuprofen anymore, but I'm not fond of smoking.
Smokables + butter or oil --> edibles. I don't think the Mounties are going to be bursting into the kitchens of all Canadians who know this, even though both butter and cooking oil are arguably "combustible solvents".
Cooking your own edibles is easily the least stressful way to work out the proportion of active ingredient that best suits you; start with small amounts and make the next batch stronger if you're getting nothing at the two hour mark.
I am fond of Anzacs as a base recipe but anything that gives the cook an opportunity to mash chopped herbs about in melted butter for a few minutes will work (the active ingredients are in trichomes on the surfaces of leaves and flowers, so mechanical agitation in the melt beats fine chopping beforehand).
posted by flabdablet at 1:49 AM on May 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Smokables + butter or oil --> edibles. I don't think the Mounties are going to be bursting into the kitchens of all Canadians who know this, even though both butter and cooking oil are arguably "combustible solvents".
Cooking your own edibles is easily the least stressful way to work out the proportion of active ingredient that best suits you; start with small amounts and make the next batch stronger if you're getting nothing at the two hour mark.
I am fond of Anzacs as a base recipe but anything that gives the cook an opportunity to mash chopped herbs about in melted butter for a few minutes will work (the active ingredients are in trichomes on the surfaces of leaves and flowers, so mechanical agitation in the melt beats fine chopping beforehand).
posted by flabdablet at 1:49 AM on May 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Gaaaaah, all I could think of while reading this was how horrible being that high sounds. I was having a mild anxiety attack just reading it. (I don't even like being stoned. Something about the feeling of not being in control of my mind and body is just really, really terrifying to me.)
posted by sarcasticah at 7:23 AM on May 5, 2018
posted by sarcasticah at 7:23 AM on May 5, 2018
I don't think the Mounties are going to be bursting into the kitchens of all Canadians who know this, even though both butter and cooking oil are arguably "combustible solvents".
You mean to tell me that “musical ride” isn’t the name for a strain yet?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:34 AM on May 5, 2018
You mean to tell me that “musical ride” isn’t the name for a strain yet?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:34 AM on May 5, 2018
So, my goal when I get Teen off to college, is to move to a legal state and open my own edibles bakery, with the stated goal of rational dosing per unit. It's ridiculous to have A Cookie be 5+ doses.
Also, edibles made with green that hasn't been processed are significantly lower in dosage than if the oils have been extracted into butter or another fat, so people making brownies at home are going to fine if they just have a rational amount of brownie.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 8:58 AM on May 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Also, edibles made with green that hasn't been processed are significantly lower in dosage than if the oils have been extracted into butter or another fat, so people making brownies at home are going to fine if they just have a rational amount of brownie.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 8:58 AM on May 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Smokables + butter or oil --> edibles. I don't think the Mounties are going to be bursting into the kitchens of all Canadians who know this, even though both butter and cooking oil are arguably "combustible solvents".
Oh, I have thought of making my own. But when I started to do research into how to do it properly, I got overwhelmed. According to this edibles expert, you have to soak the bud in distilled water for days, then blanch it, then simmer it for hours in oil or butter, calculate the amount of CBD and THC...basically I wish I could just be lazy and buy some pre-made.
But thank you for the Anzacs recipe (which looks delicious, by the way, pot or no pot). After you stir the herb around in the butter do you leave the leaf/bud in, or do you take it out? (I ask because the expert guy was adamant it will make you sick to leave it in.) And is it still as potent if you don't simmer it for hours? Forgive all the questions, but if shortcuts are fine I'd be far more interested in trying my hand at it.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:58 AM on May 5, 2018
Oh, I have thought of making my own. But when I started to do research into how to do it properly, I got overwhelmed. According to this edibles expert, you have to soak the bud in distilled water for days, then blanch it, then simmer it for hours in oil or butter, calculate the amount of CBD and THC...basically I wish I could just be lazy and buy some pre-made.
But thank you for the Anzacs recipe (which looks delicious, by the way, pot or no pot). After you stir the herb around in the butter do you leave the leaf/bud in, or do you take it out? (I ask because the expert guy was adamant it will make you sick to leave it in.) And is it still as potent if you don't simmer it for hours? Forgive all the questions, but if shortcuts are fine I'd be far more interested in trying my hand at it.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 8:58 AM on May 5, 2018
Something about the feeling of not being in control of my mind and body is just really, really terrifying to me.
The main thing that psychedelics have taught me about being in control is that there is really no dividing line between In Control and Out Of Control; rather, there are varying degrees of skill at reacting to circumstance in an adaptive fashion.
After you stir the herb around in the butter can you leave the leaf/bud in, or do you have to take it out? (The expert guy said it will make you sick to leave it in.)
The expert guy is overstating the case because he's a gourmet. Unless you're cooking with leaf that's so feeble as to be not worth cooking with at all, you won't be using masses of greenery. So the herbal flavours will be there but they won't be anywhere near dominant enough to be unpleasant, let alone nauseating.
All that soaking bud in distilled water is going to do is leach out some of the sap from the plant's internals into the soak water. This won't affect the amount of active ingredient the butter picks up during the fry step. The main reason you might want to do this is to get rid of some bitter flavour notes, but it seems to me that a better use of time is simply to find recipes that those won't become obtrusive in, and to avoid overloading your cookery with herbs in some mad pursuit of potency for potency's sake.
The vast majority of what you're going to get out is going to dissolve within the first few minutes of plant hitting hot oil. Maybe you could get more with extended frying or from a preparatory decarboxylation step in a low oven; I never bothered. In the long lost days of my youth when I used to make these things I'd just run recently harvested and dried herb through the parsley muncher straight into the melted butter, bash it about over low heat for five minutes with a wooden spoon, then add the golden syrup and on with the program.
Part of the fun of the whole thing is experimenting with technique until you settle on something that pleases you. If you end up with baked goods that are visibly green and taste disturbingly of grass clippings, you might want to try straining the herbal remnants out of the fry butter before combining it with the other ingredients, or even going the soak and blanch route first. So you might end up going all Julia Child on it, but there's absolutely no reason to start there. The main thing is getting the goodness into the butter deliberately rather than letting it happen by accident during the bake, because that makes the process more consistently repeatable.
To begin with I recommend erring on the side of very low potency, because I can see very little wrong with needing to eat more delicious cookies. This lack of commercial pressure to out-stone the competition is in fact the main advantage of home-cooked edibles, in my view. You don't have to make the World's Most Amazing Cookies Oh Wow Man, just stuff that's fun to make as well as fun to eat.
posted by flabdablet at 9:42 AM on May 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
The main thing that psychedelics have taught me about being in control is that there is really no dividing line between In Control and Out Of Control; rather, there are varying degrees of skill at reacting to circumstance in an adaptive fashion.
After you stir the herb around in the butter can you leave the leaf/bud in, or do you have to take it out? (The expert guy said it will make you sick to leave it in.)
The expert guy is overstating the case because he's a gourmet. Unless you're cooking with leaf that's so feeble as to be not worth cooking with at all, you won't be using masses of greenery. So the herbal flavours will be there but they won't be anywhere near dominant enough to be unpleasant, let alone nauseating.
All that soaking bud in distilled water is going to do is leach out some of the sap from the plant's internals into the soak water. This won't affect the amount of active ingredient the butter picks up during the fry step. The main reason you might want to do this is to get rid of some bitter flavour notes, but it seems to me that a better use of time is simply to find recipes that those won't become obtrusive in, and to avoid overloading your cookery with herbs in some mad pursuit of potency for potency's sake.
The vast majority of what you're going to get out is going to dissolve within the first few minutes of plant hitting hot oil. Maybe you could get more with extended frying or from a preparatory decarboxylation step in a low oven; I never bothered. In the long lost days of my youth when I used to make these things I'd just run recently harvested and dried herb through the parsley muncher straight into the melted butter, bash it about over low heat for five minutes with a wooden spoon, then add the golden syrup and on with the program.
Part of the fun of the whole thing is experimenting with technique until you settle on something that pleases you. If you end up with baked goods that are visibly green and taste disturbingly of grass clippings, you might want to try straining the herbal remnants out of the fry butter before combining it with the other ingredients, or even going the soak and blanch route first. So you might end up going all Julia Child on it, but there's absolutely no reason to start there. The main thing is getting the goodness into the butter deliberately rather than letting it happen by accident during the bake, because that makes the process more consistently repeatable.
To begin with I recommend erring on the side of very low potency, because I can see very little wrong with needing to eat more delicious cookies. This lack of commercial pressure to out-stone the competition is in fact the main advantage of home-cooked edibles, in my view. You don't have to make the World's Most Amazing Cookies Oh Wow Man, just stuff that's fun to make as well as fun to eat.
posted by flabdablet at 9:42 AM on May 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
Do you have a slow cooker? Do you have weed? Do you have coconut oil or butter?
Grind or finely chop the weed. Pour the coconut oil onto two inches of water in your slow cooker (or wait for the butter to melt so it makes a film on top of the water). (The water is so you don’t burn the oil.) Some people suggest decarbing your weed first by toasting it at like 250 degrees for 20 min or whatever, but...you’re about to put it in a slow cooker for 8 hrs, so, you do you.
Anyway. Sprinkle weed on top of layer of fat. Seal slow cooker. Cook on low for 8-24 hrs. When done, take the slow cooker and just put it in the fridge. The fat will solidify on top of the water. You can then remove it easily, and if you want to, melt it down again (gently!) so you can strain out the plant material with cheesecloth. Voila, stoner-proof and noob-proof edible ingredients.
You can then make whatever you want with the cannabis fat, but if you want to control dosing (and not be tempted to eat the only cookies in the house, which leads to a positive feedback loop of couch lock), you can just swallow 1-3g of the oil/butter as your dose.
Have fun!
posted by schadenfrau at 10:12 AM on May 5, 2018 [7 favorites]
Grind or finely chop the weed. Pour the coconut oil onto two inches of water in your slow cooker (or wait for the butter to melt so it makes a film on top of the water). (The water is so you don’t burn the oil.) Some people suggest decarbing your weed first by toasting it at like 250 degrees for 20 min or whatever, but...you’re about to put it in a slow cooker for 8 hrs, so, you do you.
Anyway. Sprinkle weed on top of layer of fat. Seal slow cooker. Cook on low for 8-24 hrs. When done, take the slow cooker and just put it in the fridge. The fat will solidify on top of the water. You can then remove it easily, and if you want to, melt it down again (gently!) so you can strain out the plant material with cheesecloth. Voila, stoner-proof and noob-proof edible ingredients.
You can then make whatever you want with the cannabis fat, but if you want to control dosing (and not be tempted to eat the only cookies in the house, which leads to a positive feedback loop of couch lock), you can just swallow 1-3g of the oil/butter as your dose.
Have fun!
posted by schadenfrau at 10:12 AM on May 5, 2018 [7 favorites]
...According to this edibles expert, you have to soak the bud in distilled water for days, then blanch it, then simmer it for hours in oil or butter, calculate the amount of CBD and THC...,
There's a hard-to-fuck-up thing called "firecrackers." Variations on it have been around for years. Basically you sprinkle your finely ground herb into some peanut butter crackers, and stick 'em in the oven for 20 minutes. Nutella also works in place of peanut butter. I think this is maybe the absolute easiest method, and it was popular for pre-legalization medicinal edibles for people who maybe didn't have the energy to do a complicated recipe and decarboloxyl-whatever their herb. You can do a big batch and freeze the Nutella version.
Here's the first recipe that came up in a search.
https://herb.co/marijuana/recipes/firecrackers
And, yeah, that should work fine.
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:49 AM on May 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
There's a hard-to-fuck-up thing called "firecrackers." Variations on it have been around for years. Basically you sprinkle your finely ground herb into some peanut butter crackers, and stick 'em in the oven for 20 minutes. Nutella also works in place of peanut butter. I think this is maybe the absolute easiest method, and it was popular for pre-legalization medicinal edibles for people who maybe didn't have the energy to do a complicated recipe and decarboloxyl-whatever their herb. You can do a big batch and freeze the Nutella version.
Here's the first recipe that came up in a search.
https://herb.co/marijuana/recipes/firecrackers
And, yeah, that should work fine.
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:49 AM on May 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Yeah, I think what messed up the dosing on my ditch weed edibles was actually all the prep. Even weak bud well prepared can pack a hell of a punch.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:49 AM on May 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by uncleozzy at 11:49 AM on May 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
This is giving me fond memories of living with a guy who would do a weed-free dry run each time he tried a new edibles recipe before making it with the active ingredient in. So every once in a while I'd come home and my scruffy stoner housemate would have made us all a plate of totally non-magic brownies for like after-school snack. It was weirdly wholesome.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:11 PM on May 5, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:11 PM on May 5, 2018 [6 favorites]
I meant to say earlier that this was a brilliant and fun read, thanks for posting it.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 3:26 PM on May 5, 2018
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 3:26 PM on May 5, 2018
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