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Pirate attacks
June 3, 2002 9:56 PM   Subscribe

Pirate attacks are increasing, especially near Asia and Africa. As of May 29, 2002, there were 137 reported acts of piracy, with four people killed and twelve injured in the latest reported incident.
posted by mr_crash_davis (22 comments total)

 
Arrrrrg!
posted by password at 10:43 PM on June 3, 2002


yeah
posted by holloway at 11:05 PM on June 3, 2002


These aren't loveable European pirates who drink rum and engage in other gaiety. These are Asian pirates who have no memorable catch phrases and who refuse to regale land lovers with their tales of the high seas. All they're after is money.
posted by geoff. at 11:51 PM on June 3, 2002


Can't be all bad -- a new documentary shows how a lovable American family can fight off pirates on jet skis armed with semi-automatic rifles, using little more than coconuts, swinging logs, and the assistance of friendly neighborhood orangutans.

Seriously, this is a big problem. Japan, as one of the chief victims, is very concerned, and Indonesia, in whose waters most of the pirates strike, is too disorganized right now to really handle the situation. ASEAN has proposed international police forces but Indonesia doesn't want them operating in its waters. So, little has been done.
posted by dhartung at 12:16 AM on June 4, 2002


Sharks first... now Pirates... what's next? Rabid monkey attacks?
posted by nathan_teske at 1:26 AM on June 4, 2002


> These aren't loveable European pirates who drink rum
> and engage in other gaiety.

European pirates were robbers and killers. You could maybe get worse -- raping your corpse? robbing you while they raped your corpse? -- but not much.

Asian pirates probably also engage in gaiety after they've robbed and killed you. No doubt they have memorable catch phrases, too, but memorable only if you understand their languages.
posted by pracowity at 1:50 AM on June 4, 2002


i thought this was a good article on modern-day pirates. but yeah, like i think if they had a bard or something to romanticize their plight, they might be more engaging. what all criminals of the high seas need: song, spirit and style :)

global booty trend ahoy!
posted by kliuless at 5:30 AM on June 4, 2002


I blame SpongeBob.
posted by MrBaliHai at 6:31 AM on June 4, 2002


I blame Sandy Cheeks. She hides an evil plot to plunder the sea of its riches behind the facade of befriending the gullible creatures who lurk there. Woe, Patrick!
posted by adampsyche at 6:45 AM on June 4, 2002


global booty

I would have to disagree with you, I think this is global booty.
posted by plemeljr at 6:53 AM on June 4, 2002


Wow, these guys are murdering innocent people and taking their stuff.

I download MP3s, often buying a CD because I like a song.

No, I don't see it. Can somebody help me out here?
posted by Eamon at 8:05 AM on June 4, 2002


what's next? Rabid monkey attacks?

Invisible monkeys with helmets.
posted by swell at 8:06 AM on June 4, 2002


Now, before someone complains that this is a stupid thread, at least nobody has posted about the damned dolphin that has to be deported because it keeps sexually molesting divers off the coast of Weymouth. They plan to send it to France, of course.

By the way: "Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement."
posted by pracowity at 8:17 AM on June 4, 2002


global booty :) but of course it conforms to the location of jennifer lopez' gravity (s)well at any given moment!
posted by kliuless at 8:20 AM on June 4, 2002


A famous poem for the victims of piracy
posted by sheauga at 8:24 AM on June 4, 2002


Invisible monkeys with helmets

Now that's fucking awesome.

In relation to the post, do you think that in 100-150 years, people in the far east will find these pirates as endearing as us westerners? If I remember correctly, the carribean pirates were such a large problem that entire navys were sent out after them. Perhaps that's why they seemed so cool. Maybe we could send a couple of subs after them to blow them out of the water, only to be foiled by the foxy eastern pirates. Then, they would become infamous.
posted by password at 8:24 AM on June 4, 2002


the damned dolphin that has to be deported because it keeps sexually molesting divers
Wow. This topic came up just a couple of months ago, but at the time we didn't have any hard evidence to point to (if you'll pardon the phrasing). If you start talking about sexually aggressive dolphins, they will come. (again with the unfortunate phrasing!)
posted by yhbc at 8:25 AM on June 4, 2002


Lets no go crazy here, thats 137 instances and at this rate they might have 300 pirate attacks this year in the waters of SE Asia. Not exactly an epidemic and not exactly new.
posted by skallas at 8:36 AM on June 4, 2002


Those invisible monkeys look an awful lot like the Berenstain Bears.
posted by treedream at 9:28 AM on June 4, 2002


You always knew that they were going to turn out bad, especially Brother Bear.
posted by thewittyname at 9:56 AM on June 4, 2002


Ah pracowity, you spoke too soon. Now, see what you did? :)
posted by dejah420 at 9:59 AM on June 4, 2002


Invisible monkeys with helmets

From the story: "He touches a lock and it breaks..."

Sounds like the church watchman from Chambers' "The Yellow Sign":

"And now I heard him moving very softly along the hall. Now he was at the door, and the bolts rotted at his touch."
posted by kurumi at 10:45 AM on June 4, 2002


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