A Life, Passing

August 16, 2018 5:10 AM

My father's death spurred a reflection on growing up Asian Australian. [slLennyLetter]
posted by ellieBOA (10 comments total)

“I practice saying my name, and I can never get it right. My own name cannot fit inside my mouth.”

Oh wow, I'm quite moved by this entire piece but that quote right there. It sort of captures how I've felt about my own fractured cultural identity. Thank you for sharing this.
posted by Fizz at 5:20 AM on August 16, 2018 [8 favorites]

Ooh, that's brilliant. Thanks.
posted by Joe in Australia at 7:21 AM on August 16, 2018 [1 favorite]

"He refuses to give his blessing to my sister and her white fiancé."

How many times I had this argument with my mom. "You came from a country where we were the majority! If you only wanted me to be with someone like us you should've stayed there! I'm not the one who chose to move to this place!"
posted by 1adam12 at 7:33 AM on August 16, 2018 [4 favorites]

“Make sure you answer a question in the first class and speak loudly with your Australian accent,” my boyfriend at the time says, and though he jests, I wonder if this is the strategy that I’ve already unconsciously adopted my whole life: speak up early, demonstrate Australianness quickly.

Oh man, I've been doing this sort of thing all my life, to the point where I hardly even notice it when I do. Have been doing it a lot lately - just started a new job with new people - and every time I catch myself I wonder the same thing: Is it real or imagined, that softening in strangers, once I speak and they realize I am one of them? Thanks for posting this.
posted by btfreek at 7:40 AM on August 16, 2018 [7 favorites]

> Is it real or imagined, that softening in strangers, once I speak and they realize I am one of them?

Real. I've caught myself doing that too many times -- softening, that is (I'm white). Thank you for that term, it's useful.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:19 AM on August 16, 2018

My father passes — this is a common euphemism, to pass. What I mean is: my father dies. For me to pass as an Australian, a little bit of my father has to die, and a little bit of my mother has to die, and a little bit of me has to die.

I am a euphemism, a stand-in for an unpleasant reality.

What an astonishing piece. Just brilliant.
posted by Errant at 11:35 AM on August 16, 2018 [2 favorites]

This is the eternal sadness of living between worlds. Knowing that your parents love you deeply but struggling with disconnecting from the way of thinking of the old country, which means cutting some deep ties with your parents, in order to integrate into the philosophies of the new country. That for you to be 'happy' and thrive in the new country often means that your parents suffer, even if they chose to bring you here.
posted by BeHereNow at 12:43 PM on August 16, 2018 [2 favorites]

This was really good. It feels like it should be a longer piece though, or maybe I just wanted more. For example the introduction of a brother at the very end caught me short.
posted by unliteral at 7:32 PM on August 16, 2018

My father passes — this is a common euphemism, to pass. What I mean is: my father dies. For me to pass as an Australian, a little bit of my father has to die, and a little bit of my mother has to die, and a little bit of me has to die.

This made me cry at my desk. I haven't lived this experience and while I know intellectually that it must be really difficult I felt the impact of how profoundly sad it is hit me right in the gut.

What a fantastic piece of writing.
posted by *becca* at 5:04 AM on August 17, 2018

That was fantastic. So real.
posted by twirlypen at 12:54 PM on August 17, 2018