Friendsgiving is a propaganda weapon used by the ruling class
November 19, 2018 7:33 AM Subscribe
Friendsgiving seems to have evolved in recent years from a sort of ad hoc Thanksgiving replacement (implemented when people found themselves far away from family on the holiday but near friends) to a common in-addition-to-Thanksgiving event, one that’s exclusively for friends. In other words, Friendsgiving has become a widely celebrated American holiday in its own right—and while it’s hard to know in real time what cultural shifts or forces have led to the rise of Friendsgiving, there are a few compelling theories as to why you may be seeing the term pop up again and again in Venmo transactions this week. (SL TheAtlantic)
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's Request -- frimble
You do Friendsgiving because not everyone can go home for Thanksgiving, duh! This is not a complicated mystery! Lots of young adults now live far away from their families and can't afford the money or the vacation time to travel home twice in the four-week span between Thanksgiving and Christmas, so everyone--those with Thanksgiving plans and those without--gets together for a nice pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving.
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:41 AM on November 19, 2018 [31 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:41 AM on November 19, 2018 [31 favorites]
Given the opportunity, some people will make anything an occasion to spend a lot of money. My friends Canadian Friendsgiving-ed this year, and while it was nominally pot luck, we had a homemade tofurkey (delicious!), potatoes, stuffing, vegetables, dessert, etc. to be proud of. Some people had a separate dinner with family and some of us have none in town, or none that we wished to spend it with. Granted, Cdn T-day is less of a thing, but FFS, let it gooooo.
posted by wellred at 7:42 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by wellred at 7:42 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
An "ad hoc Thanksgiving replacement?" That's some BS. Thanksgiving is Thanksgiving, whether it be with family or friends. The point is a feast of togetherness where everyone is warm & welcome. I spent Thanksgiving almost exclusively with friends from 2001-2007 and it was a wonderful tradition. This year we're hosting, mostly family but a couple of friends and their infant, and we're not going to come up with a ridiculous new term for it, because we are getting together to, you know, give thanks.
Turkey de Mayo, on the other hand...
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:45 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
Turkey de Mayo, on the other hand...
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:45 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
Harris thinks affixing the “cutesy” label of Friendsgiving onto a scraped-together, potluck-style event popular with Millennials that will never actually rival the lavish spreads of real Thanksgiving implies approval by the powers that be of Millennial adults’ lower income and lower living standards compared with those of prior generations.
...what? 1. Does this asshole think "the powers that be" somehow invented this tradition out of whole cloth and got people to participate in it, 2. does this asshole think that literally every non-Millennial American household is firmly middle class or higher and therefore no Millennial's pathetic apartment-bound hosting could ever begin to rival any of theirs, and 3. does this asshole think that Millenials invented the concept of potlucks?
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:46 AM on November 19, 2018 [43 favorites]
...what? 1. Does this asshole think "the powers that be" somehow invented this tradition out of whole cloth and got people to participate in it, 2. does this asshole think that literally every non-Millennial American household is firmly middle class or higher and therefore no Millennial's pathetic apartment-bound hosting could ever begin to rival any of theirs, and 3. does this asshole think that Millenials invented the concept of potlucks?
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:46 AM on November 19, 2018 [43 favorites]
Thank God for this. I'll be at our friend's house with their lovely son and tons of mac and cheese to keep the kids busy.
The alternative is to drive six hours with my incredibly carsick prone daughter to visit a bunch of Trump loonies who like to have the football game on maximum volume so they can scream over it.
posted by selfnoise at 7:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [36 favorites]
The alternative is to drive six hours with my incredibly carsick prone daughter to visit a bunch of Trump loonies who like to have the football game on maximum volume so they can scream over it.
posted by selfnoise at 7:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [36 favorites]
Just remember: there is no cabal.
posted by chasles at 7:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by chasles at 7:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
I just went to the fourth annual Friendsgiving hosted by a delightful fellow MeFite this weekend. It was excellent times, and Mr. Malcolm Harris could chill a bit.
posted by rewil at 7:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by rewil at 7:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
I...think that a lot of magazines would be better if they didn't position themselves as anthropologists-of-millenials. Like, there's certainly an article to be written about the whole friendsgiving thing, but "let me speculate about how these strange people develop their strange customs" is a bad approach.
posted by Frowner at 7:52 AM on November 19, 2018 [61 favorites]
posted by Frowner at 7:52 AM on November 19, 2018 [61 favorites]
I half-expected a diatribe about avocado toast in this frothing-at-Millennials hit-piece
posted by zombieflanders at 7:53 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by zombieflanders at 7:53 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
basically this article should have interviewed some Millennials who do not measure time by fiscal quarter
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:53 AM on November 19, 2018 [29 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:53 AM on November 19, 2018 [29 favorites]
[erratum for my comment: the movie I meant, The Oath, is not by Jordan Peele; I don't know where I got that]
posted by Countess Elena at 7:54 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by Countess Elena at 7:54 AM on November 19, 2018
will never actually rival the lavish spreads of real Thanksgiving
The "Friendsgiving" that I used to go to consisted specifically of East-Coasters here in the Uttermost West who could not afford to go "back home" for Thanksgiving, and who put dozens of man-hours into beautiful, lavish, exquisite dishes, the apotheosis of green bean casserole, the very Platonic ideal of turkey, the pumpkin pie that every pumpkin pie wanted to be when it grew up - the result of finely practiced technique, and hundreds of hours of Serious Eats, old episodes of Essential Pepin and Baking with Julia, and The Splendid Table.
It's because we have TIME and not MONEY.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:55 AM on November 19, 2018 [31 favorites]
The "Friendsgiving" that I used to go to consisted specifically of East-Coasters here in the Uttermost West who could not afford to go "back home" for Thanksgiving, and who put dozens of man-hours into beautiful, lavish, exquisite dishes, the apotheosis of green bean casserole, the very Platonic ideal of turkey, the pumpkin pie that every pumpkin pie wanted to be when it grew up - the result of finely practiced technique, and hundreds of hours of Serious Eats, old episodes of Essential Pepin and Baking with Julia, and The Splendid Table.
It's because we have TIME and not MONEY.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:55 AM on November 19, 2018 [31 favorites]
And perhaps if you really think about it, Dennis says, you could conceive of Friendsgiving as a way of bringing Thanksgiving back to its roots. “The first Thanksgiving, in the fall of 1621, was made up of the white English settlers of Plymouth Colony and their native neighbors, who outnumbered them by a lot. The idea was to have a Thanksgiving to create friends,” he says. “It was, aspirationally, a Friendsgiving, in a way.”
Also, OMG. This is not the political frame I would put on that era or those interactions, and a "back to its roots" Thanksgiving would make me run a mile.
Seriously, Thanksgiving is a really vexed holiday, because its roots are gross and anti-indigenous but it's also grown a lot of social stuff around it. I skipped all Thanksgiving stuff for a while out of ethical concerns and I would still really rather do that, but my family isn't getting any younger and it's a time when I see everyone. (They're all left-wing, so it's not, like, a festival of selfishness and racism.)
The best aspect of "Friendsgiving" would be to totally, totally replace Thanksgiving and its colonizer roots. A harvest festival where we are thankful is pretty reasonable and it would be nice to have one that wasn't built on a lot of colonialist mythmaking.
posted by Frowner at 7:57 AM on November 19, 2018 [32 favorites]
Also, OMG. This is not the political frame I would put on that era or those interactions, and a "back to its roots" Thanksgiving would make me run a mile.
Seriously, Thanksgiving is a really vexed holiday, because its roots are gross and anti-indigenous but it's also grown a lot of social stuff around it. I skipped all Thanksgiving stuff for a while out of ethical concerns and I would still really rather do that, but my family isn't getting any younger and it's a time when I see everyone. (They're all left-wing, so it's not, like, a festival of selfishness and racism.)
The best aspect of "Friendsgiving" would be to totally, totally replace Thanksgiving and its colonizer roots. A harvest festival where we are thankful is pretty reasonable and it would be nice to have one that wasn't built on a lot of colonialist mythmaking.
posted by Frowner at 7:57 AM on November 19, 2018 [32 favorites]
My then-wife and I started hosting Friendsgiving gatherings during the mid 1990s as a way to spend a pleasant afternoon cooking with friends. We all had family in the area, so it wasn't an act of necessity based on proximity. We all had relatively average incomes for twenty-somethings, so it wasn't some sort of economic thing. It was 100% a chance for us to make fancy food with friends and enjoy a warm, relaxed environment.
Also, we didn't host before Thanksgiving. We tended to host on the Saturday after (or even the Saturday after that).
Anyhow, I'm just trying to provide a pre-millennial datapoint. This article seems like it's reaching to generalize about something that's as varied as the folks who engage in the practice.
posted by jdroth at 8:00 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Also, we didn't host before Thanksgiving. We tended to host on the Saturday after (or even the Saturday after that).
Anyhow, I'm just trying to provide a pre-millennial datapoint. This article seems like it's reaching to generalize about something that's as varied as the folks who engage in the practice.
posted by jdroth at 8:00 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Friendsgiving has become a widely celebrated American holiday in its own right
Maybe it's because many of us feel like if we can survive the anxiety ridden spectacles of hanging out with blood relatives (who we love, but don't vote the same way as), we damn well deserve to raise a few cups with our made families of friends.
posted by librarianamy at 8:01 AM on November 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
Maybe it's because many of us feel like if we can survive the anxiety ridden spectacles of hanging out with blood relatives (who we love, but don't vote the same way as), we damn well deserve to raise a few cups with our made families of friends.
posted by librarianamy at 8:01 AM on November 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
I love most of my blood family, but the family I chose is a much better way to spend more than a few hours together. This isn't uncommon, nor is it particularly wild.
posted by Twain Device at 8:07 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Twain Device at 8:07 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
Is there a word for trend-pieces that try to make something much more significant than it really is? Propaganda weapon, really?
I celebrate Friendsgiving because I am an only child whose parents are dead, and spending time with my few remaining relatives is NOT my idea of fun. I'd rather spend my precious holidays with people I care about and feel no sense of duty to blood family. So, Friendsgiving, and a preordered meal from Whole Foods that I don't have to fuss with too much. (And a blackberry pie instead of pumpkin because that is the popular choice. There is no such thing as the Pumpkin Police going from house to house making sure there is squash in those pie shells.)
People these days mostly have smaller families - I'm not the only one who has little to no blood family around. And even those of us who do have families have less of a compelling sense of duty about faaaaaaamily, and would rather spend time with chosen family than with Aunt Lucinda the bigot or creepy Cousin Edgar or alcoholic estranged dad.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:12 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
I celebrate Friendsgiving because I am an only child whose parents are dead, and spending time with my few remaining relatives is NOT my idea of fun. I'd rather spend my precious holidays with people I care about and feel no sense of duty to blood family. So, Friendsgiving, and a preordered meal from Whole Foods that I don't have to fuss with too much. (And a blackberry pie instead of pumpkin because that is the popular choice. There is no such thing as the Pumpkin Police going from house to house making sure there is squash in those pie shells.)
People these days mostly have smaller families - I'm not the only one who has little to no blood family around. And even those of us who do have families have less of a compelling sense of duty about faaaaaaamily, and would rather spend time with chosen family than with Aunt Lucinda the bigot or creepy Cousin Edgar or alcoholic estranged dad.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:12 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
All of the first Friendsgivings I was aware of were started by or for LGBT folks who couldn't go "home" to their family of origin for Thanksgiving, or for whom the word Thanksgiving might hold bad memories of family bullying, blow-ups and evictions. I was surprised and disappointed not to see attention paid to this element in the article, because it's a gimme in the circles I've been running in for the last twenty years.
posted by northernish at 8:15 AM on November 19, 2018 [88 favorites]
posted by northernish at 8:15 AM on November 19, 2018 [88 favorites]
Heretofore I thought Friendsgiving was just a way of saying "Spending Thanksgiving 'traditionally' with family or relatives is financially or otherwise impossible, and so multiple people in a similar situation are gathering for The Meal instead", not that it was a separate thing unto itself. And God/the Universe/FSM bless it.
posted by koucha at 8:16 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by koucha at 8:16 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
I'm LGBTQ and came out in 1990 and I will tell you, the queer community has been doing this sort of thing since the 70s if not earlier. What else do you do when you've had to walk away from everything in your past because they don't want you around because of who you are? It's not a millennial thing AT ALL.
Just because someone hasn't heard of something until now doesn't mean it was only just now invented.
I'd rather spend Thanksgiving with a "family of choice" rather than my family of birth anyway.
posted by hippybear at 8:26 AM on November 19, 2018 [62 favorites]
Just because someone hasn't heard of something until now doesn't mean it was only just now invented.
I'd rather spend Thanksgiving with a "family of choice" rather than my family of birth anyway.
posted by hippybear at 8:26 AM on November 19, 2018 [62 favorites]
many buckaroos will relate to this way in the coming days
posted by Countess Elena at 8:27 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 8:27 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
This article is so much bullshit.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:28 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 8:28 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
will never actually rival the lavish spreads of real Thanksgiving
Lol what? My friends are WAY better cooks, and more adventurous eaters, than my relatives.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:32 AM on November 19, 2018 [34 favorites]
Lol what? My friends are WAY better cooks, and more adventurous eaters, than my relatives.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:32 AM on November 19, 2018 [34 favorites]
This conversation is much more interesting with the 'milennials to snake people' Chrome plugin. :)
posted by PennD at 8:38 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by PennD at 8:38 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I...think that a lot of magazines would be better if they didn't position themselves as anthropologists-of-millenials.
This, definitely. Too many baby boomers still working, and their "I'm not actually old, am I?" navel-gazing is really tiresome. But since ~10,000 boomers turn 65 every day through 2025, this behavior will only become more apparent. (It looks like that generation as a group--moreso than most, due to the terrible narcissism so many of them were conditioned into--will not be going gently into that good night. I expect the better part of the next decade to be full of variations on 'all these young people are doing it wrong, it should be this way, or it's supposed to be that way'....)
Even the author's use of the label "Friendsgiving" is kind of condescending; we always just called it Thanksgiving, because that's a holiday to be spent with loved ones, whether you're related by blood or not (and even if your meal is not on Thursday). If your article's thesis is "this thing is supposed to be this way, but some people do it differently," it might be worth diving into why many people are doing that thing differently, rather than just observing the different behavior, and saying "Millennials!" with a shrug.
posted by LooseFilter at 8:38 AM on November 19, 2018 [12 favorites]
This, definitely. Too many baby boomers still working, and their "I'm not actually old, am I?" navel-gazing is really tiresome. But since ~10,000 boomers turn 65 every day through 2025, this behavior will only become more apparent. (It looks like that generation as a group--moreso than most, due to the terrible narcissism so many of them were conditioned into--will not be going gently into that good night. I expect the better part of the next decade to be full of variations on 'all these young people are doing it wrong, it should be this way, or it's supposed to be that way'....)
Even the author's use of the label "Friendsgiving" is kind of condescending; we always just called it Thanksgiving, because that's a holiday to be spent with loved ones, whether you're related by blood or not (and even if your meal is not on Thursday). If your article's thesis is "this thing is supposed to be this way, but some people do it differently," it might be worth diving into why many people are doing that thing differently, rather than just observing the different behavior, and saying "Millennials!" with a shrug.
posted by LooseFilter at 8:38 AM on November 19, 2018 [12 favorites]
is this another one of those things that doesn't realize "Millennials" are almost 40?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:38 AM on November 19, 2018 [28 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:38 AM on November 19, 2018 [28 favorites]
avocado toast
wait til the author finds out that's what they stuff their unholy faux-meat tofurkeys with
and then
then they take pictures of the meal and INSTAGRAM THEM
::waggles fingers sp00py-ghost-story-style::
posted by halation at 8:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
wait til the author finds out that's what they stuff their unholy faux-meat tofurkeys with
and then
then they take pictures of the meal and INSTAGRAM THEM
::waggles fingers sp00py-ghost-story-style::
posted by halation at 8:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
The word may be new, though I expect it has been coined more than once because it's such an obvious bit of wordplay. But forming a family of choice and celebrating holidays together is nothing new. I think the article is just looking about young adults who are just starting to form their chosen families and ignoring the fact that everywhere in the country there are groups cerebrating together without needing to give it a trendy name or share it on social media.
The Thanksgiving I go to has been running for more than 50 years, and began as an Army officer and his wife hosting soldiers. Their daughter has been hosting for the last couple of decades, and she married a gamer so more than half the attendees are geeks and we have board games and Disney movies instead of football. Three are two families of a couple and one or two kids folded into this group, but most of us are totally unrelated. We are expecting 40+ people this year, and there is always so much leftover food we have a second gathering on Saturday to consume leftovers and play board games until we pass out.
I won't call it Friendsgiving because they are family.
posted by buildmyworld at 8:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
The Thanksgiving I go to has been running for more than 50 years, and began as an Army officer and his wife hosting soldiers. Their daughter has been hosting for the last couple of decades, and she married a gamer so more than half the attendees are geeks and we have board games and Disney movies instead of football. Three are two families of a couple and one or two kids folded into this group, but most of us are totally unrelated. We are expecting 40+ people this year, and there is always so much leftover food we have a second gathering on Saturday to consume leftovers and play board games until we pass out.
I won't call it Friendsgiving because they are family.
posted by buildmyworld at 8:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
I typically do Friendsgiving, but am travelling for family this year. But man, every time I try to figure out the logistics of travelling for Thanksgiving and seeing everyone I need to see to avoid Drama! in a finite amount of time when they are also traveling and all modes of transit are overstuffed, it makes me regret not having a friendsgiving.
posted by dinty_moore at 8:43 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by dinty_moore at 8:43 AM on November 19, 2018
PennD: This conversation is much more interesting with the 'snake people to snake people' Chrome plugin. :)
I concur.
posted by Basil Stag Hare at 8:43 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I live a 40 minute drive away from my family and usually do Thanksgiving with them. I pretty much always wish I was at somebody's Friendsgiving instead.
posted by Ragged Richard at 8:45 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Ragged Richard at 8:45 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
> I expect the better part of the next decade to be full of variations on 'all these young people are doing it wrong, it should be this way, or it's supposed to be that way'....)
The youngest Boomers are only 54, so it's gonna be longer than the better part of the next decade.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
The youngest Boomers are only 54, so it's gonna be longer than the better part of the next decade.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
At least the headline wasn't "MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING THANKSGIVING"?
posted by tobascodagama at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by tobascodagama at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2018
At least the headline wasn't "MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING THANKSGIVING"?
That's this article
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
That's this article
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:49 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I've been doing Friendsgivings and Friendsmases for 20 years now - as many have already stated, this is hardly a new phenomenon. And I and most of my friend-holiday companions are GenX - solidly in our 40s.
Hell, this year I actually am travelling to family for Thanksgiving, but even this is a bit of a mashup; my aunt and uncle host every year, and family are by default invited, but there are usually a few unrelated friends of theirs or other guests in attendance as well.
posted by misskaz at 8:50 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Hell, this year I actually am travelling to family for Thanksgiving, but even this is a bit of a mashup; my aunt and uncle host every year, and family are by default invited, but there are usually a few unrelated friends of theirs or other guests in attendance as well.
posted by misskaz at 8:50 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
We used to hold "Franksgiving" every year in college and the years after. It was a bunch of SCA nerds camping in the woods for the weekend, usually the first weekend in November. We'd cook a metric ton of food, drink a lot, have bonfires, and genuinely enjoy each others' company. Each year, the Sunday morning of pack-up and cleaning ended with a group hug and a small prayer to Thor, Odin, Magda, Cern, Bel, and whoever else might be listening to give us the strength to endure the actual Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with our families.
One year it snowed, this was in Tennessee so we were freaking the hell out, and 3/4 of the crew abandoned the tents to sleep in our cars. We still preferred the threat of frostbite to dealing with our actual families.
Hell, if you gave me the option to do it again this year, I'd have the camping gear out in a heartbeat. I hate family holidays and still dream of a time when I can actually spend my time off from work enjoying myself instead of smiling and reminding myself that it is illegal to stab people with a fork for being stupid and mean.
posted by teleri025 at 8:53 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
One year it snowed, this was in Tennessee so we were freaking the hell out, and 3/4 of the crew abandoned the tents to sleep in our cars. We still preferred the threat of frostbite to dealing with our actual families.
Hell, if you gave me the option to do it again this year, I'd have the camping gear out in a heartbeat. I hate family holidays and still dream of a time when I can actually spend my time off from work enjoying myself instead of smiling and reminding myself that it is illegal to stab people with a fork for being stupid and mean.
posted by teleri025 at 8:53 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
This is not a complicated mystery!
Perhaps you're right, but I still can't shake the feeling that there is indeed an elaborate Friendsgiving conspiracy plot - - and my bet is that David Schwimmer is the mastermind behind it.
posted by fairmettle at 8:53 AM on November 19, 2018
Perhaps you're right, but I still can't shake the feeling that there is indeed an elaborate Friendsgiving conspiracy plot - - and my bet is that David Schwimmer is the mastermind behind it.
posted by fairmettle at 8:53 AM on November 19, 2018
A harvest festival where we are thankful is pretty reasonable and it would be nice to have one that wasn't built on a lot of colonialist mythmaking.
This is kind of goofy, but in elementary school, we were taught to think of Thanksgiving as a celebration of welcoming outsiders and immigrants (modern day "pilgrims") into our new, shared home. There are still colonialist/appropriative undercurrents in that framing, but my school had a lot of first- and second- immigrant kids (including me), so I always found that idea of welcoming "strangers" to the table as new friends very touching, and even now, it makes the holiday feel special to me.
The whole Thanksgiving ethos is to share with an open heart just because we're all traveling through this life together, and making it like, "but you have to be blood related for it to actually count, though" totally misses the point of the holiday. I mean, "friendsgiving" IS Thanksgiving.
That said, this article has inspired me to declare that I'm throwing Thanksgiving for my parents this year with some chicken, dumplings, salad, and carrots. Probably the most stereotypical Thanksgiving we've had in decades.
posted by rue72 at 8:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
This is kind of goofy, but in elementary school, we were taught to think of Thanksgiving as a celebration of welcoming outsiders and immigrants (modern day "pilgrims") into our new, shared home. There are still colonialist/appropriative undercurrents in that framing, but my school had a lot of first- and second- immigrant kids (including me), so I always found that idea of welcoming "strangers" to the table as new friends very touching, and even now, it makes the holiday feel special to me.
The whole Thanksgiving ethos is to share with an open heart just because we're all traveling through this life together, and making it like, "but you have to be blood related for it to actually count, though" totally misses the point of the holiday. I mean, "friendsgiving" IS Thanksgiving.
That said, this article has inspired me to declare that I'm throwing Thanksgiving for my parents this year with some chicken, dumplings, salad, and carrots. Probably the most stereotypical Thanksgiving we've had in decades.
posted by rue72 at 8:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Geographically dispersed young-ish people seek reasons to have dinner parties and/or get out of town, news at 11.
posted by cirgue at 8:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by cirgue at 8:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
After living abroad for a couple of decades, "Friendsgivings" are really the only type of Thanksgivings I know as an adult. And maybe that experience isn't so instructive for others, but it certainly colors my experience of the holiday. I do know that my expat group of friends expends way more effort on the holiday than my foodie family back home. Especially since when I first moved here putting a pecan pie together would set you back nearly $50 and for a couple years there I couldn't even find whole turkeys. Thanksgiving was really a chance to dial it up.
posted by St. Oops at 8:58 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by St. Oops at 8:58 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
I think some people skipped the article: Friendsgiving is not Thanksgiving spent with friends instead of family. It's a (supposedly low-key) event held before Thanksgiving.
The people I knew who were the most into it were suburban married millennials who also celebrated Galentine's Day. These parties didn't seem like my thing, but they turned out to involve novelty cocktails, which are very much my thing.
posted by betweenthebars at 9:02 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
The people I knew who were the most into it were suburban married millennials who also celebrated Galentine's Day. These parties didn't seem like my thing, but they turned out to involve novelty cocktails, which are very much my thing.
posted by betweenthebars at 9:02 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
I've never heard of this "Friendsgiving". I have, however, heard of Danksgiving. I highly recommend it.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:04 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:04 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
I think some people skipped the article: Friendsgiving is not Thanksgiving spent with friends instead of family. It's a (supposedly low-key) event held before Thanksgiving.
It's not that people skipped the article. They're explicitly rejecting this framing, because no, that's not what Friendsgiving is. It has the feel of those New York Times trend pieces where a few scant people are doing something, and it's reported that "this is what all the kids are doing now."
posted by explosion at 9:05 AM on November 19, 2018 [20 favorites]
It's not that people skipped the article. They're explicitly rejecting this framing, because no, that's not what Friendsgiving is. It has the feel of those New York Times trend pieces where a few scant people are doing something, and it's reported that "this is what all the kids are doing now."
posted by explosion at 9:05 AM on November 19, 2018 [20 favorites]
All of the first Friendsgivings I was aware of were started by or for LGBT folks who couldn't go "home" to their family of origin for Thanksgiving
There is absolutely nothing wrong with hosting a Thanksgiving for families of choice rather than of origin for those who can't go home to their family or don't want to.
There is absolutely something wrong with suggesting it is reasonable to have people have TWO THANKSGIVINGS IN A ONE WEEK SPAN and I will die on this hill forever.
posted by corb at 9:06 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
There is absolutely nothing wrong with hosting a Thanksgiving for families of choice rather than of origin for those who can't go home to their family or don't want to.
There is absolutely something wrong with suggesting it is reasonable to have people have TWO THANKSGIVINGS IN A ONE WEEK SPAN and I will die on this hill forever.
posted by corb at 9:06 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
This thread is way more interesting than the original article, because you can see just how varied the roots of this (by no means new) practice are. It turns out people can do the same thing for a lot of different reasons.
My partner and I host one of these (after official Thanksgiving) for the incredibly boring reason that we both really like Thanksgiving, like enough to cook the whole meal twice, and it's as good an occasion as any to spend time with the important people in our lives, all of whom are invited to come on either day. In practice it ends up being mostly kin on Thursday and mostly friends on the other day, but there is no rigid barrier and there never has been.
posted by aws17576 at 9:11 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
My partner and I host one of these (after official Thanksgiving) for the incredibly boring reason that we both really like Thanksgiving, like enough to cook the whole meal twice, and it's as good an occasion as any to spend time with the important people in our lives, all of whom are invited to come on either day. In practice it ends up being mostly kin on Thursday and mostly friends on the other day, but there is no rigid barrier and there never has been.
posted by aws17576 at 9:11 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Like Misskaz, I'm GenX, and I do Friendsgiving. Xers are the biggest cohort of "chosen family instead of blood family" people I know. Even - gasp! - those evil, selfish, aren't-dying-quick-enough baby boomers aren't all about just blood family. I know boomers who prefer their chosen families and their Friendsgiving and Friendsmas.
All this "Muh Cohort!" journalism is just the laziest shit ever. Take the concept of "boomers are selfish," "Xers are alienated," "Millennials ruined something," write a flimsy thinkpiece, and get paid! Woo hoo!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:12 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
All this "Muh Cohort!" journalism is just the laziest shit ever. Take the concept of "boomers are selfish," "Xers are alienated," "Millennials ruined something," write a flimsy thinkpiece, and get paid! Woo hoo!
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:12 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
(Also, we always invite new co-workers, which is kind of a mutation of the idea rue72 described.)
posted by aws17576 at 9:13 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by aws17576 at 9:13 AM on November 19, 2018
I’ve gone to a few “Friendsgiving”s that were setup for people who couldn’t see their families on Thanksgiving, but these were never a week or more before the actual Thanksgiving holiday, they were on the holiday itself, and almost all the time they were involving the host’s family being welcoming to friends coming over for the holiday, which made it a “millennials + boomers hanging out” holiday.
Last Thanksgiving my girlfriend and I ate Chinese food alone and watched movies and got drunk all day. This Thanksgiving we’re switching about the Friendsgiving and having a few of our friends who’d be alone on the holiday come over to potluck, while also having our parents travel to us for the holiday.
The article forgets a big part of having a potluck for Thanksgiving. Who typically carries the burden and responsibility of cooking that day? Women. Having people bring over food offloads a ton of stress from whoever is cooking for Thanksgiving, and in my life that has always been a woman (while the men stand around drinking and watching football).
posted by gucci mane at 9:14 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
Last Thanksgiving my girlfriend and I ate Chinese food alone and watched movies and got drunk all day. This Thanksgiving we’re switching about the Friendsgiving and having a few of our friends who’d be alone on the holiday come over to potluck, while also having our parents travel to us for the holiday.
The article forgets a big part of having a potluck for Thanksgiving. Who typically carries the burden and responsibility of cooking that day? Women. Having people bring over food offloads a ton of stress from whoever is cooking for Thanksgiving, and in my life that has always been a woman (while the men stand around drinking and watching football).
posted by gucci mane at 9:14 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
"When, for example, is a Friendsgiving supposed to take place? (The weekend before Thanksgiving or the weekend prior, usually.)"
Really?
Every "Friendsgiving" I know about either takes place on Thanksgiving (because it's literally Thanksgiving with friends) or on the Friday (because people are with family on actual Thanksgiving).
I think some people skipped the article: Friendsgiving is not Thanksgiving spent with friends instead of family. It's a (supposedly low-key) event held before Thanksgiving.
In my house, for the last 20 years, it has been exactly this.
posted by madajb at 9:17 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
Really?
Every "Friendsgiving" I know about either takes place on Thanksgiving (because it's literally Thanksgiving with friends) or on the Friday (because people are with family on actual Thanksgiving).
I think some people skipped the article: Friendsgiving is not Thanksgiving spent with friends instead of family. It's a (supposedly low-key) event held before Thanksgiving.
In my house, for the last 20 years, it has been exactly this.
posted by madajb at 9:17 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
Heretofore I thought Friendsgiving was just a way of saying "Spending Thanksgiving 'traditionally' with family or relatives is financially or otherwise impossible, and so multiple people in a similar situation are gathering for The Meal instead", not that it was a separate thing unto itself.
I personally would never call "spending actual Thanksgiving Day with friends" Friendsgiving. That's just Thanksgiving, regardless of who you spend it with. In my circles, Friendsgiving would be a separate event before Thanksgiving week, and would include both people with no Thanksgiving plans and people with Thanksgiving plans. I guess this isn't universal though.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:33 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
I personally would never call "spending actual Thanksgiving Day with friends" Friendsgiving. That's just Thanksgiving, regardless of who you spend it with. In my circles, Friendsgiving would be a separate event before Thanksgiving week, and would include both people with no Thanksgiving plans and people with Thanksgiving plans. I guess this isn't universal though.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:33 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
It’s evolving! The concept of “friendsmas” is being marketed in the UK for the first time this year...
posted by Middlemarch at 9:41 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by Middlemarch at 9:41 AM on November 19, 2018
Xer here. I've always held the belief that "Thanksgiving" is to reflect on what I am thankful for and I am very much thankful for my friends who I spend FAR more quality time with than my Trump loving, psychotic family. I've been doing some Friendsgiving-variant for the past 20 years because if anything, it's a great themed dinner party with those who truly do care about me.
I originally started doing it in lieu of seeing my actual family on Thanksgiving because I could not deal with them, but has since evolved into a day after Thanksgiving to accommodate friends who wanted to do both. It can be separate or in lieu of actual Thanksgiving. I think of it as in the same bucket as "breakfast for dinner".
Would I rather:
1) Make a giant meal and invite friends over, having them bring the drinks, laughing through the evening having fun with those who I CHOOSE to be in my life, who truly do care for me and me for them
OR
2) Get in the damn car out of obligation, drive several hours to eat a "traditional" meal where I risk salmonella with Trump loving narcissists who I would never choose to spend time with on my own without a guilt trip, who just pick me apart and make me feel terrible all because we happen to be related by blood.
There have been years where I have done both and years where I have done just one.
If 1) is ruining things, then consider them ruined over here. "Traditions" are meant to adapt.
posted by floweredfish at 9:47 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
I originally started doing it in lieu of seeing my actual family on Thanksgiving because I could not deal with them, but has since evolved into a day after Thanksgiving to accommodate friends who wanted to do both. It can be separate or in lieu of actual Thanksgiving. I think of it as in the same bucket as "breakfast for dinner".
Would I rather:
1) Make a giant meal and invite friends over, having them bring the drinks, laughing through the evening having fun with those who I CHOOSE to be in my life, who truly do care for me and me for them
OR
2) Get in the damn car out of obligation, drive several hours to eat a "traditional" meal where I risk salmonella with Trump loving narcissists who I would never choose to spend time with on my own without a guilt trip, who just pick me apart and make me feel terrible all because we happen to be related by blood.
There have been years where I have done both and years where I have done just one.
If 1) is ruining things, then consider them ruined over here. "Traditions" are meant to adapt.
posted by floweredfish at 9:47 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
Friendsgiving is a propaganda weapon used by the ruling class of further their plans for wage stagnation
I assure you my plans for wage stagnation do not include leftover turkey.
posted by lstanley at 9:57 AM on November 19, 2018
I assure you my plans for wage stagnation do not include leftover turkey.
posted by lstanley at 9:57 AM on November 19, 2018
Tired: yelling at your racist uncle at Thanksgiving
Wired: indentifying strasserite tendencies at Friendsgiving
posted by The Whelk at 9:59 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Wired: indentifying strasserite tendencies at Friendsgiving
posted by The Whelk at 9:59 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
I haven't heard of people doing a separate Thanksgivingesque dinner during the holiday season. That seems like an awful lot of extra work and money.
I grew up in a small nuclear family. My parents were both only children, and they were also academics who lived far away from any other members of the family. As a result, Thanksgiving was never really a family thing for us. When I was growing up, we did Thanksgiving at the local Episcopal church with a bunch of other academic families from the Boston/Cambridge area. Thus, for me, it's always been about throwing a big fancy dinner for friends, and that's what I've done ever since I left home for college.
posted by slkinsey at 10:02 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
I grew up in a small nuclear family. My parents were both only children, and they were also academics who lived far away from any other members of the family. As a result, Thanksgiving was never really a family thing for us. When I was growing up, we did Thanksgiving at the local Episcopal church with a bunch of other academic families from the Boston/Cambridge area. Thus, for me, it's always been about throwing a big fancy dinner for friends, and that's what I've done ever since I left home for college.
posted by slkinsey at 10:02 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
My niece and my friend come over every year. Is it Thanksgiving because I have family there? Is it Friendsgiving because a friend is there? I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t even cook a turkey! But there is always mashed potato and homemade cranberry sauce, so does that swing anything?
What the eff even IS this thing I’m doing??? Should I cancel it until we have a clear definition from the authorities? (I’m assuming the article author is the authority.)
posted by greermahoney at 10:06 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
What the eff even IS this thing I’m doing??? Should I cancel it until we have a clear definition from the authorities? (I’m assuming the article author is the authority.)
posted by greermahoney at 10:06 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Also, said neice (and her spouse) do Thanksgiving at her in-laws on FRIDAY. So technically, our Thursday feast is the fake one and the family one on Friday is the real one, I guess. According to the author, anyway. I give ups I just want to eat.
posted by greermahoney at 10:11 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by greermahoney at 10:11 AM on November 19, 2018
What do you call it when there's a weird guy there who shows up every year and tries to give you pamphlets about vegetarianism and Jesus?
posted by runcibleshaw at 10:11 AM on November 19, 2018
posted by runcibleshaw at 10:11 AM on November 19, 2018
Friendsgiving for me has always taken place the weekend before Thanksgiving and is just the same meal but as a potluck with absolutely no family members invited.
posted by all about eevee at 10:34 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by all about eevee at 10:34 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
To add to the chorus of "this is not new!" my mother (too old to be a Boomer, she was Silent Generation) was hosting Friendsgiving back in the early '80s. She'd invite a bunch of her friends, I'd invite my two best friends, they'd all came to stay with us for the weekend, and we'd spend three or four days cooking and eating and laughing.
I still remember that one cranberry-pecan tart a friend brought one year. Excuse me while I sigh wistfully...
posted by Lexica at 10:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I still remember that one cranberry-pecan tart a friend brought one year. Excuse me while I sigh wistfully...
posted by Lexica at 10:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I was joking with my boyfriend a few days ago about the marketing prominence of Friendsgiving emerging as a result of the last election. Apparently the takes only get hotter. I also understood it to mean instead of Thanksgiving, not in addition to it. If it's another meal entirely, how is it a "propaganda weapon used by the ruling class" to get young people used to a lower standard of living though?
posted by Selena777 at 10:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Selena777 at 10:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
for what it's worth (and this is more concerned with Christmas overload), I had a friend a while back who'd throw a big dinner party for all his friends around the middle of January, because:
A. there were always some people he loved that he hadn't seen in way too long,
B. the so-called Holiday Season was already overloaded with invites and obligations,
C. (related to B) people could actually use a proper gathering again by then.
Worth noting. He was more or less an anarchist and was abundantly full of critique with regard to the "Holiday Season" being more of corporate/consumerist construct (ie: get out there and buy things people!) than anything genuinely relevant to any God or even just generalized good will toward humanity.
posted by philip-random at 10:51 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
A. there were always some people he loved that he hadn't seen in way too long,
B. the so-called Holiday Season was already overloaded with invites and obligations,
C. (related to B) people could actually use a proper gathering again by then.
Worth noting. He was more or less an anarchist and was abundantly full of critique with regard to the "Holiday Season" being more of corporate/consumerist construct (ie: get out there and buy things people!) than anything genuinely relevant to any God or even just generalized good will toward humanity.
posted by philip-random at 10:51 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
All this "Muh Cohort!" journalism is just the laziest shit ever. Take the concept of "boomers are selfish," "Xers are alienated," "Millennials ruined something," write a flimsy thinkpiece, and get paid!
Totally agree, except for the "Xers are alienated" part--most of the time, Xers are just unmentioned, like we don't really exist (because we're not a large enough cohort in numbers to matter to marketers as a specific demographic; Boomers and Echo Boomers/Millennials are the big fish, capitalistically speaking).
(And Millennials are not almost 40, the youngest Gen Xers are mid-30s currently.)
posted by LooseFilter at 10:58 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
Totally agree, except for the "Xers are alienated" part--most of the time, Xers are just unmentioned, like we don't really exist (because we're not a large enough cohort in numbers to matter to marketers as a specific demographic; Boomers and Echo Boomers/Millennials are the big fish, capitalistically speaking).
(And Millennials are not almost 40, the youngest Gen Xers are mid-30s currently.)
posted by LooseFilter at 10:58 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
I started doing Friendsgiving because if the pass is closed there's really no way to go North, and I really don't need to the holiday stuck in a hotel in Denver.
So I just make tacos and pie, and have people over for drinks after, and I suppose I'll come visit WY when the climate changes.
posted by aspersioncast at 11:24 AM on November 19, 2018
So I just make tacos and pie, and have people over for drinks after, and I suppose I'll come visit WY when the climate changes.
posted by aspersioncast at 11:24 AM on November 19, 2018
An e-mail goes out on the last day of each month to America's many freelance writers, giving them THE topics for the next month. "Friendsgiving" is on the list for November.
posted by Carol Anne at 11:32 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Carol Anne at 11:32 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
^^^the queers have it
Friendsgiving is a holiday for people whose family of origin is absent or toxic.
posted by libraritarian at 11:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Friendsgiving is a holiday for people whose family of origin is absent or toxic.
posted by libraritarian at 11:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
And Millennials are not almost 40, the youngest Gen Xers are mid-30s currently.
"Millennials, also known as Generation Y or Gen Y, are the generational demographic cohort following Generation X and preceding Generation Z. There are no precise dates for when this cohort starts or ends; demographers and researchers typically use the early 1980s as starting birth years and the mid-1990s to early 2000s as ending birth years."
2018-1983=35
(I mean, everyone in the early 1980s is simultaneously claimed or condemned as both Gen X and Millennials, but at this point 1980 or 1981 is pretty reliably used as the beginning year for the Millennial cluster. Hence the idiocy of 75% of the thinkpieces which are actually complaints about Gen Z.)
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:04 PM on November 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
"Millennials, also known as Generation Y or Gen Y, are the generational demographic cohort following Generation X and preceding Generation Z. There are no precise dates for when this cohort starts or ends; demographers and researchers typically use the early 1980s as starting birth years and the mid-1990s to early 2000s as ending birth years."
2018-1983=35
(I mean, everyone in the early 1980s is simultaneously claimed or condemned as both Gen X and Millennials, but at this point 1980 or 1981 is pretty reliably used as the beginning year for the Millennial cluster. Hence the idiocy of 75% of the thinkpieces which are actually complaints about Gen Z.)
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:04 PM on November 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
i look forward to the continuing evolution of the "millennials are killing $thing" article as the age cohort hits their retirement years. "millennials are killing walkers! these foolish arrogant youths would rather FALL DOWN and INJURE THEIR HIPS" etc
posted by poffin boffin at 12:24 PM on November 19, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 12:24 PM on November 19, 2018 [12 favorites]
So, let me get this straight, not only do I get to feel like shit about wanting nothing to do with my family when this terrible season comes around, I can also lament that none of my friends invite me to an alternate activity, and furthermore the pitiful fact that I would likely decline anyway?
Thanks!
posted by idiopath at 12:44 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
Thanks!
posted by idiopath at 12:44 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
i'm actually starting to wonder if maybe hateread authors think "millennials" means Youths born on or after 01/01/2000, just going by how aggressively they infantilize the demographic
posted by poffin boffin at 12:50 PM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 12:50 PM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
I mean, everyone in the early 1980s is simultaneously claimed or condemned as both Gen X and Millennials, but at this point 1980 or 1981 is pretty reliably used as the beginning year for the Millennial cluster. Hence the idiocy of 75% of the thinkpieces which are actually complaints about Gen Z.
I was born in late 1981. I graduated college in 2003 into the post-9/11 Bush-era recession. The heady days of easy dot-com jobs that lead me to the idea that a computer science degree were well over.
I'm a Millennial if only because of my economic prospects. I'm not sure if there's ever going to be a clear cut-off point, but buying my first place in my mid-thirties, seven years married, despite having no kids? I've felt much more Millennial than I ever felt Gen X.
posted by explosion at 12:55 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
I was born in late 1981. I graduated college in 2003 into the post-9/11 Bush-era recession. The heady days of easy dot-com jobs that lead me to the idea that a computer science degree were well over.
I'm a Millennial if only because of my economic prospects. I'm not sure if there's ever going to be a clear cut-off point, but buying my first place in my mid-thirties, seven years married, despite having no kids? I've felt much more Millennial than I ever felt Gen X.
posted by explosion at 12:55 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I'm the same age as you, explosion, but I entered the workforce a few years earlier so I got the last gasp of the dot-com bubble and my social circle was on average older, and so I totally identify with Gen-X. It's a blurry line.
posted by restless_nomad at 1:00 PM on November 19, 2018
posted by restless_nomad at 1:00 PM on November 19, 2018
It's almost as if the whole idea of generational cohorts is stupid and has no explanatory power whatsoever.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:03 PM on November 19, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 1:03 PM on November 19, 2018 [15 favorites]
My own sense is that growing up with internet/social media as an established thing in your childhood marks Millennials as distinct from Xers, moreso than specific year-of-birth, because I've experienced a general cultural difference between those born in the early 1980s and the late 1980s (I teach undergrads, and we're now getting the younger Millennial cohort, born post-9/11, and they're even distinct from the older Millennials).
It's almost as if the whole idea of generational cohorts is stupid and has no explanatory power whatsoever.
Mostly but not completely, because it's not age per se, but rather which communications media and other technologies influenced and shaped one's formative years.
posted by LooseFilter at 1:14 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
It's almost as if the whole idea of generational cohorts is stupid and has no explanatory power whatsoever.
Mostly but not completely, because it's not age per se, but rather which communications media and other technologies influenced and shaped one's formative years.
posted by LooseFilter at 1:14 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
the younger Millennial cohort, born post-9/11
Say what now? How is that not Gen Z? We're going to wind up with 40 solid years of """Millennials""" at this rate!
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:17 PM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Say what now? How is that not Gen Z? We're going to wind up with 40 solid years of """Millennials""" at this rate!
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:17 PM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Yeah, "born after 9/11" is absolutely not a category which includes any Millennials.
posted by tobascodagama at 1:32 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by tobascodagama at 1:32 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Like, those kids hit puberty a few years after I graduated from college, and I am not among the oldest Millennials. The oldest Millennials could easily have children born after 9/11.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:36 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:36 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
i for one think we should continue to fight about this until consensus is achieved, no matter how long that might take
posted by poffin boffin at 1:43 PM on November 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 1:43 PM on November 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
AGREED
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:51 PM on November 19, 2018
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:51 PM on November 19, 2018
How is that not Gen Z?
For real?! We already have another cohort name after Millennials, and they're already adults? I gotta pay attention to my calendar better....
(But really, if a 'generation' is 20-25 years, and Millennials start ~1982, then those born through ~2002-7 could still be considered in that cohort, right? Maybe 'personally remember 9/11 happening' is going to be the cultural dividing line, because I definitely now see a distinct difference between 'those of us who remember how things were in the before-time' and 'those who think that invasive searches and surveillance are normal'.)
posted by LooseFilter at 2:07 PM on November 19, 2018
For real?! We already have another cohort name after Millennials, and they're already adults? I gotta pay attention to my calendar better....
(But really, if a 'generation' is 20-25 years, and Millennials start ~1982, then those born through ~2002-7 could still be considered in that cohort, right? Maybe 'personally remember 9/11 happening' is going to be the cultural dividing line, because I definitely now see a distinct difference between 'those of us who remember how things were in the before-time' and 'those who think that invasive searches and surveillance are normal'.)
posted by LooseFilter at 2:07 PM on November 19, 2018
I imagine if Friendsgiving does successfully kill off Thanksgiving, people in the future will see past media and wonder how it was like to spend an evening with people you dislike and may even be curious enough to relive the experience and make a new tradition.
I was thinking Enemiesgiving to be the obvious name of this holiday, but I think it would still be called Thanksgiving, except the "Thanks" would be said in a very sarcastic way, as in "Thanks, Obama!".
posted by FJT at 2:14 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I was thinking Enemiesgiving to be the obvious name of this holiday, but I think it would still be called Thanksgiving, except the "Thanks" would be said in a very sarcastic way, as in "Thanks, Obama!".
posted by FJT at 2:14 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
'those who think that invasive searches and surveillance are normal'
Surveillance has been the norm since the boomers. The awareness of surveillance isn't a post 9-11 thing, but rather a post-Snowden thing (for most people, other people were incorrectly labeled as 'paranoid' before that).
posted by el io at 2:22 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Surveillance has been the norm since the boomers. The awareness of surveillance isn't a post 9-11 thing, but rather a post-Snowden thing (for most people, other people were incorrectly labeled as 'paranoid' before that).
posted by el io at 2:22 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
But really, if a 'generation' is 20-25 years, and Millennials start ~1982
Starts 1981, ends 1996, fifteen years because the definition of "generations" is one more thing Millennials are ruthlessly killing and time is moving faster as we near the end.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:24 PM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
Starts 1981, ends 1996, fifteen years because the definition of "generations" is one more thing Millennials are ruthlessly killing and time is moving faster as we near the end.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:24 PM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
Everything must have a marketable name or it's not real.
We have variously spent Thanksgiving as a couple, with family, with friends at different times. Sometimes on a different day. We called it Thanksgiving.
posted by bongo_x at 2:25 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
We have variously spent Thanksgiving as a couple, with family, with friends at different times. Sometimes on a different day. We called it Thanksgiving.
posted by bongo_x at 2:25 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
(for most people, other people were incorrectly labeled as 'paranoid' before that)
Raise your hand if you were a millennial who was all "Hey, this so-called USA-PATRIOT Act thing sounds like a bad idea".
posted by tobascodagama at 2:28 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
Raise your hand if you were a millennial who was all "Hey, this so-called USA-PATRIOT Act thing sounds like a bad idea".
posted by tobascodagama at 2:28 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm Gen X, but when I lived near my college friends we always did a "second Thanksgiving" usually on Fri or Sat.
It wasn't because we couldn't / didn't have Thanksgiving with families (some did, some didn't), but just because we wanted to hang out. Nor was it a money thing (most of us had as much or more money than our parents). It's just... fun?
This article is weird on so many levels (as has been touched upon repeatedly).
There's no one set of reasons, it's just kind of a natural thing to do that people have been doing for decades (maybe longer) (it's not new in the slightest). Even if you like your family and can afford to / do travel, it still makes sense to do something fun with friends and at this time of year it's just whats on people's minds.
It's also great for those who love cooking (not me, but most of my friends). Especially if going "home" for Thanksgiving means eating your parents food, but you actually would rather cook yourself.
posted by thefoxgod at 2:53 PM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
It wasn't because we couldn't / didn't have Thanksgiving with families (some did, some didn't), but just because we wanted to hang out. Nor was it a money thing (most of us had as much or more money than our parents). It's just... fun?
This article is weird on so many levels (as has been touched upon repeatedly).
There's no one set of reasons, it's just kind of a natural thing to do that people have been doing for decades (maybe longer) (it's not new in the slightest). Even if you like your family and can afford to / do travel, it still makes sense to do something fun with friends and at this time of year it's just whats on people's minds.
It's also great for those who love cooking (not me, but most of my friends). Especially if going "home" for Thanksgiving means eating your parents food, but you actually would rather cook yourself.
posted by thefoxgod at 2:53 PM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Bonafide by-any-definition millennial here (1987) and I've had Thanksgiving with friends on the day of and I've had pre-Thanksgiving with friends before family Thanksgiving. For the past few years, we've been doing option number three: my partner and I have hosted Thanksgiving for friends and then taken a four or five day weekend to go on a quick road trip (down south where it's not too cold to camp yet). Maybe it's a lot of turkey in a one-week span but I like Thanksgiving dinner and my friends are fun, and I was pretty excited to dig into the Thanksgiving dinner leftovers and slice of pie I brought to work today for lunch.
posted by geegollygosh at 2:55 PM on November 19, 2018
posted by geegollygosh at 2:55 PM on November 19, 2018
It's like with every holiday, ya gotta have it on a weekend ( 1 or 2) before the actual holiday because no one lives close to anyone and no one wants to feel left out. So we have Halloween parties all October, Christmas parties all December.
If somehow we could time travel New Year's Eve would be done multiple times as well.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 3:21 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
If somehow we could time travel New Year's Eve would be done multiple times as well.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 3:21 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
My friends have been doing Friendsgivings (and using that name) for at least 20 years. Sometime before Thanksgiving, sometimes after. It's about chosen family and celebrating each other. They're usually potluck and have better food than most family Thanksgivings.
posted by Candleman at 4:22 PM on November 19, 2018
posted by Candleman at 4:22 PM on November 19, 2018
A few years ago I did a Friendsgiving potluck in March. It was far enough away from the holidays that we wanted to eat Thanksgiving food again, and still cold and dreary. It was great and I want to do it again.
posted by apricot at 6:01 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by apricot at 6:01 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
That’s a good idea. March is so low on holidays and so heavy on disappointing weather. Of course there’s St. Patrick’s Day, but who can stomach it?
posted by Countess Elena at 6:53 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Countess Elena at 6:53 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
My friends have been doing Friendsgivings (and using that name) for at least 20 years. Sometime before Thanksgiving, sometimes after...They're usually potluck and have better food than most family Thanksgivings.
That’s exactly how I understood it. I got invited to one yesterday that's been going on now for 24 years, started when the original group was in college. 35 adults and kids (with a little overflow), crammed into a dining room in the Maine woods, many of whom are going to be hanging out with their own families on Thursday. I'm eating some leftover pot pie and lasagna right now; earlier today I had some of the mac and cheese, the purple mashed potatoes, and the beer bread.
I didn't notice any members of the ruling class at the dinner table.
posted by LeLiLo at 7:30 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
That’s exactly how I understood it. I got invited to one yesterday that's been going on now for 24 years, started when the original group was in college. 35 adults and kids (with a little overflow), crammed into a dining room in the Maine woods, many of whom are going to be hanging out with their own families on Thursday. I'm eating some leftover pot pie and lasagna right now; earlier today I had some of the mac and cheese, the purple mashed potatoes, and the beer bread.
I didn't notice any members of the ruling class at the dinner table.
posted by LeLiLo at 7:30 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Happy hipster here (born 1979 - not really gen x, not millenial) who has a framily party every year before Christmas. Multiple generations of family of a long standing friend group. As you have already guessed, we have been doing this before it was cool (or for over 15 years).
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 8:41 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by mutt.cyberspace at 8:41 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
We’ve always done this the day after Thanksgiving, so the leftovers are still fresh and we catch everyone only in town for the weekend. The twin event is a Boxing Day variety show that’s been going a solid twenty years. In my opinion these kinds of parties are actually a return to the original, community focused nature of harvest and winter festivals. The refocusing of holidays around a narrow nuclear definition of “family” is too limiting and isolating. Friendsgiving forever!
posted by q*ben at 8:52 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by q*ben at 8:52 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
because the definition of "generations" is one more thing Millennials are ruthlessly killing
As a Generation Xer, I've always blamed the Boomers before us for trying to erase our generation. They traditionally lasted 20 years, but Boomers seem to keep taking more and more years from us. The Boomers were supposed to run 45-65, and Gen-X from 65-85 was always my understanding.
It's always felt like the Baby Boom generation resented Gen-X because we took just that wee tiniest bit of the spotlight off of them, and they couldn't stand it. The following generation of their kids and grandkids for some of them, seem to get all their attention now. Meanwhile, Gen-X still gets ignored like we're their younger sibling or something.
But maybe I'm just a little jaded on them, from having dealt a bit too much with the I, I, Me, Me, Mine generation back when I was in retail.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 9:28 PM on November 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
As a Generation Xer, I've always blamed the Boomers before us for trying to erase our generation. They traditionally lasted 20 years, but Boomers seem to keep taking more and more years from us. The Boomers were supposed to run 45-65, and Gen-X from 65-85 was always my understanding.
It's always felt like the Baby Boom generation resented Gen-X because we took just that wee tiniest bit of the spotlight off of them, and they couldn't stand it. The following generation of their kids and grandkids for some of them, seem to get all their attention now. Meanwhile, Gen-X still gets ignored like we're their younger sibling or something.
But maybe I'm just a little jaded on them, from having dealt a bit too much with the I, I, Me, Me, Mine generation back when I was in retail.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 9:28 PM on November 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
I've been doing this for 30+ years and it is a great thing to do. I'm the only child of a single mother and after I graduated college I told her she could have Thanksgiving or Christmas, but not both.
I've some lonely Christmas' when I was young or single but also some great ones staying with friends and later their kids and families.
With one married couple we'd go to the wife's parents house on Christmas eve, watch the kids open some presents early and then play poker and drink beer till the wee hours of the morning with the wife's sister and family and a few other Christmas orphans. Good times and I got another family. Now we old ones hang out playing poker at Thanksgiving or Christmas and drinking beer with the then-kids who are now adults.
For the last five years my friend Sarah (who has no family) and I hike into a hot springs on Christmas Day. We leave early and usually have the first few hours to ourself, wearing Santa hats and watching the dogs play in the snow. Then we come back and go to the free Christmas feed at Charlie B's. a Missoula dive bar where the owner has two pool tables covered with free Christmas food.
I highly recommend Friendsgiving and Christmas Orphan hangouts.
posted by ITravelMontana at 9:58 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
I've some lonely Christmas' when I was young or single but also some great ones staying with friends and later their kids and families.
With one married couple we'd go to the wife's parents house on Christmas eve, watch the kids open some presents early and then play poker and drink beer till the wee hours of the morning with the wife's sister and family and a few other Christmas orphans. Good times and I got another family. Now we old ones hang out playing poker at Thanksgiving or Christmas and drinking beer with the then-kids who are now adults.
For the last five years my friend Sarah (who has no family) and I hike into a hot springs on Christmas Day. We leave early and usually have the first few hours to ourself, wearing Santa hats and watching the dogs play in the snow. Then we come back and go to the free Christmas feed at Charlie B's. a Missoula dive bar where the owner has two pool tables covered with free Christmas food.
I highly recommend Friendsgiving and Christmas Orphan hangouts.
posted by ITravelMontana at 9:58 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
Articles on Orphan Christmas Breakfasts coming in 5, 4, 3....
posted by gtrwolf at 10:16 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by gtrwolf at 10:16 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'm 1983 and I've always resented being designated as a Millennial, if you remember card catalogs, rabbit ears, MS-DOS, rotary phones, the ATARI, and taking 'keyboarding' class, that's not the same as getting your first iPhone at age 13 and never living without broadband at your house.
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:17 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:17 PM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
It's almost as if the whole idea of generational cohorts is stupid and has no explanatory power whatsoever.
I was born in 1979. Around 1995, my peers began seeing articles telling us we were Generation Y. We were such a target demographic that the Smashing Pumpkins wrote a song for us.
Then... the generational definitions started changing. Generation Y became younger and younger. I started being referred to as a Generation X. Then Millennials came along.
Somehow, Generation Y disappeared.
Most of my friends are a year or two younger than me. Somehow, in the magic of stereotypes and generalisations, that means that I, a 39 year old, are said to be more similar to someone born in the 1960s, and my friends, aged 38 and 37, are said to be more similar to someone born in the early 2000s.
I'm still pissed off that I got shifted into a different generation!
posted by daybeforetheday at 12:54 AM on November 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
I was born in 1979. Around 1995, my peers began seeing articles telling us we were Generation Y. We were such a target demographic that the Smashing Pumpkins wrote a song for us.
Then... the generational definitions started changing. Generation Y became younger and younger. I started being referred to as a Generation X. Then Millennials came along.
Somehow, Generation Y disappeared.
Most of my friends are a year or two younger than me. Somehow, in the magic of stereotypes and generalisations, that means that I, a 39 year old, are said to be more similar to someone born in the 1960s, and my friends, aged 38 and 37, are said to be more similar to someone born in the early 2000s.
I'm still pissed off that I got shifted into a different generation!
posted by daybeforetheday at 12:54 AM on November 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also I've always referred to it as Misgivings Day; surely I can't be the only one?
posted by aspersioncast at 7:09 AM on November 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by aspersioncast at 7:09 AM on November 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
In my experience, at least (I'm technically Gen Y), the days around Thanksgiving have always been like this. People go "back home" to be with their parents for Thanksgiving proper – which means that old friends are back in their old stomping grounds together, many of them with a four-day weekend to burn. Of course you're gonna find someone who still lives locally, and is willing to open their home to the old crew. And of course those people are gonna want to eat, drink, and be merry.
Okay, so it's gained a cute name. And it's gotten a little more formal (with the internet making it easier to stay in touch with old friends, to organize such events across long distances, and to learn how to cook festive things).
The phenomenon is a perfectly worthy subject for a trend piece, but I wish they'd resisted the urge to frame it as yet another alien custom of Those Inscrutable Millennials. The oldest millennials are almost 40. By some estimates, they outnumber the Boomers. They're grown-ass adults, and you encounter hundreds of them on the street every day.
But it seems like the media wants to hold them forever at arms length, talking about them in the third person, reacting to every vaguely novel cultural development with an attitude of "what does this mean? why are they doing this? who can explain these mercurial creatures?".
People aren't doing this because they're "Millenials". They're doing it because they're people who like spending time with friends. Maybe it's the Boomers who are weird for pursuing McMansions and racist conspiracy theories instead of, like, having friends.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 8:49 AM on November 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
Okay, so it's gained a cute name. And it's gotten a little more formal (with the internet making it easier to stay in touch with old friends, to organize such events across long distances, and to learn how to cook festive things).
The phenomenon is a perfectly worthy subject for a trend piece, but I wish they'd resisted the urge to frame it as yet another alien custom of Those Inscrutable Millennials. The oldest millennials are almost 40. By some estimates, they outnumber the Boomers. They're grown-ass adults, and you encounter hundreds of them on the street every day.
But it seems like the media wants to hold them forever at arms length, talking about them in the third person, reacting to every vaguely novel cultural development with an attitude of "what does this mean? why are they doing this? who can explain these mercurial creatures?".
People aren't doing this because they're "Millenials". They're doing it because they're people who like spending time with friends. Maybe it's the Boomers who are weird for pursuing McMansions and racist conspiracy theories instead of, like, having friends.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 8:49 AM on November 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
I'm still pissed off that I got shifted into a different generation!
and Generation X was written by a guy who was born in 1961 -- a Baby Boomer
posted by philip-random at 10:57 AM on November 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
and Generation X was written by a guy who was born in 1961 -- a Baby Boomer
posted by philip-random at 10:57 AM on November 20, 2018 [1 favorite]
I've never quite understood what all the fuss was about. Just because you're genetically related to someone doesn't make them Family. The people you care about and that care about you back are. "Friendsgiving" is just regular "Thanksgiving".
--
I'm 1983 and I've always resented being designated as a Millennial, if you remember card catalogs, rabbit ears, MS-DOS, rotary phones, the ATARI, and taking 'keyboarding' class, that's not the same as getting your first iPhone at age 13 and never living without broadband at your house.
You're (late) "Gen X" if you had an Atari 2600, Intellivision, or Colecovision and it was the best thing available at the time. Millennials were the kids with Super Mario Brothers on the SNES, or maybe an older Nintendo if they had older siblings. "Gen Z" (they don't have a name yet) are the ones that never lived without broadband.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 7:35 PM on November 20, 2018
--
I'm 1983 and I've always resented being designated as a Millennial, if you remember card catalogs, rabbit ears, MS-DOS, rotary phones, the ATARI, and taking 'keyboarding' class, that's not the same as getting your first iPhone at age 13 and never living without broadband at your house.
You're (late) "Gen X" if you had an Atari 2600, Intellivision, or Colecovision and it was the best thing available at the time. Millennials were the kids with Super Mario Brothers on the SNES, or maybe an older Nintendo if they had older siblings. "Gen Z" (they don't have a name yet) are the ones that never lived without broadband.
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 7:35 PM on November 20, 2018
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“Friendsgiving,” he says, “is a propaganda weapon used by the ruling class to further their plans for wage stagnation.”
C'mon, man. Get some nog, sit down, we're gonna watch MST3k.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:41 AM on November 19, 2018 [46 favorites]