history's greatest monsters
November 19, 2018 8:48 AM Subscribe
What Kind of Person Steals Their Co-workers’ Lunch?
For the past month or two, my place of work (this very website) has been plagued by a relatively harmless but deeply mystifying figure: the phantom lunch thief.
For the past month or two, my place of work (this very website) has been plagued by a relatively harmless but deeply mystifying figure: the phantom lunch thief.
Before I called Rob, I expected — hoped, really — that our conversation would reveal something sinister about his personality, perhaps something tellingly psychopathic. But Rob seems like a nice guy.
HARD disagree with the author, here. He doesn't express remorse at any point in the interview! He's not literally cackling, wearing a cape, and stroking a white Persian cat, but he does not seem like "a nice guy." And the 'revelation' a paragraph down that, gee, really we're all like Rob, we all hurt people... no? We... don't?
Lunch thieves are, in fact, "fundamentally worse people than the non-thieves," BECAUSE THEY ARE STEALING THINGS, WHICH IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE THAN NOT STEALING THINGS
jfc, The Cut, it's not like i expected better of you but i'm still mad
...it's pretty much the same emotion i felt when someone stole my lunch from the fridge, tbh
posted by halation at 8:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [58 favorites]
HARD disagree with the author, here. He doesn't express remorse at any point in the interview! He's not literally cackling, wearing a cape, and stroking a white Persian cat, but he does not seem like "a nice guy." And the 'revelation' a paragraph down that, gee, really we're all like Rob, we all hurt people... no? We... don't?
Lunch thieves are, in fact, "fundamentally worse people than the non-thieves," BECAUSE THEY ARE STEALING THINGS, WHICH IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE THAN NOT STEALING THINGS
jfc, The Cut, it's not like i expected better of you but i'm still mad
...it's pretty much the same emotion i felt when someone stole my lunch from the fridge, tbh
posted by halation at 8:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [58 favorites]
FTA: Then you get kinda lazy, and you stop replacing it, and pretty soon you move on to packaged things, like cupcakes.
it always leads to harder stuff
posted by philip-random at 8:57 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
it always leads to harder stuff
posted by philip-random at 8:57 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
There can't be that many dude programmers named Rob out there.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:02 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Going To Maine at 9:02 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Then you get kinda lazy, and you stop replacing it, and pretty soon you move on to packaged things, like cupcakes.
You know, there was one time years ago where I was "treasurer" for a small activist project. This meant that I had a cashbox full of several hundred dollars under my bed. One evening I thought to myself, "oh, I need some cash for something, I'll just take $20 out of the cashbox and put it back the next time I go to the bank". Reader, I suddenly paused and did not take that money out of the box. I also handed off being treasurer as soon as I could. And it was because I knew that if I started helping myself to the cash, no matter how good my intentions were and no matter how diligent I was about returning the money at first, there would come a day when I was taking money and failing to replace it.
I can totally see how something would start relatively innocently - like, if someone said, "I took your Coke but I replaced it" I would not be mad - and turn into really actually stealing.
posted by Frowner at 9:03 AM on November 19, 2018 [50 favorites]
You know, there was one time years ago where I was "treasurer" for a small activist project. This meant that I had a cashbox full of several hundred dollars under my bed. One evening I thought to myself, "oh, I need some cash for something, I'll just take $20 out of the cashbox and put it back the next time I go to the bank". Reader, I suddenly paused and did not take that money out of the box. I also handed off being treasurer as soon as I could. And it was because I knew that if I started helping myself to the cash, no matter how good my intentions were and no matter how diligent I was about returning the money at first, there would come a day when I was taking money and failing to replace it.
I can totally see how something would start relatively innocently - like, if someone said, "I took your Coke but I replaced it" I would not be mad - and turn into really actually stealing.
posted by Frowner at 9:03 AM on November 19, 2018 [50 favorites]
From there, Rob says, his standards devolved: first he promised he’d never take the last soda, or the last cupcake, but then he’d be mad he was working so late, and he would take it, intending to replace it, and knowing he wouldn’t.
"He'd be mad he was working so late." I wonder if lunch theft is often a symptom of workers taking out their frustrations on targets of convenience. They feel oppressed by their employer (late hours, stagnant wages, etc) but can't confront management directly, so they steal from fellow workers.
I recall a comment here, probably in one of the politics megathreads, that described a similar pattern of activists often attacking each other rather than the actual oppressors because the oppressors are distant and sheltered by power. Sometimes people are angry and frustrated and lash out at whatever is close to hand.
This seems like a testable assertion, though. I wonder if lunch theft is less common at companies with strong unions.
posted by jedicus at 9:06 AM on November 19, 2018 [33 favorites]
"He'd be mad he was working so late." I wonder if lunch theft is often a symptom of workers taking out their frustrations on targets of convenience. They feel oppressed by their employer (late hours, stagnant wages, etc) but can't confront management directly, so they steal from fellow workers.
I recall a comment here, probably in one of the politics megathreads, that described a similar pattern of activists often attacking each other rather than the actual oppressors because the oppressors are distant and sheltered by power. Sometimes people are angry and frustrated and lash out at whatever is close to hand.
This seems like a testable assertion, though. I wonder if lunch theft is less common at companies with strong unions.
posted by jedicus at 9:06 AM on November 19, 2018 [33 favorites]
There can't be that many dude programmers named Rob out there.
there's... a surprising number of them
and at least half the ones i know could have been this particular Rob, tbh
(and hell, maybe 'Rob' is a pseudonym, given that it's a description of the behaviour under discussion)
posted by halation at 9:07 AM on November 19, 2018 [13 favorites]
there's... a surprising number of them
and at least half the ones i know could have been this particular Rob, tbh
(and hell, maybe 'Rob' is a pseudonym, given that it's a description of the behaviour under discussion)
posted by halation at 9:07 AM on November 19, 2018 [13 favorites]
I'm all for debunking morality but this is too much
posted by thelonius at 9:09 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by thelonius at 9:09 AM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
There are now a lot of mid 40yr old programmers named Rob shaking in their boots at the retribution that is sure to be coming their way...
posted by Grither at 9:10 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Grither at 9:10 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
> At this point in the conversation, I feel bad. And after talking to Art Markman, a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin, I know why: I may never have stolen a lunch from a co-worker, but I am no better than Rob. I’m simply bad in a different way.
This seems like the ethics equivalent of that guy who traded his way up from a paper clip to a house. One day you take a pen home from the office, and before you know it you're Bernie Madoff. And who's to say who's worse, really?
> it always leads to harder stuff
"Oh, sure, now he's just a little boy stealing little toys. But someday, he'll be a grown man stealing stadiums and - and quarries."
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:11 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
This seems like the ethics equivalent of that guy who traded his way up from a paper clip to a house. One day you take a pen home from the office, and before you know it you're Bernie Madoff. And who's to say who's worse, really?
> it always leads to harder stuff
"Oh, sure, now he's just a little boy stealing little toys. But someday, he'll be a grown man stealing stadiums and - and quarries."
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:11 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
One evening I thought to myself, "oh, I need some cash for something, I'll just take $20 out of the cashbox and put it back the next time I go to the bank".
this happened with the treasurer for the grad committee my final year of high school, and yes, he kept on "borrowing" until he suddenly couldn't replace what he owed, and he got caught. A few years later, his dad, an investment guy, had to split the country for doing much the same with clients' funds. They all ended up on Grand Cayman.
posted by philip-random at 9:13 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
this happened with the treasurer for the grad committee my final year of high school, and yes, he kept on "borrowing" until he suddenly couldn't replace what he owed, and he got caught. A few years later, his dad, an investment guy, had to split the country for doing much the same with clients' funds. They all ended up on Grand Cayman.
posted by philip-random at 9:13 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
posted by JanetLand at 9:15 AM on November 19, 2018 [36 favorites]
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
posted by JanetLand at 9:15 AM on November 19, 2018 [36 favorites]
dude programmers named Rob
Nominative determinism strikes again.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:15 AM on November 19, 2018 [51 favorites]
Nominative determinism strikes again.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:15 AM on November 19, 2018 [51 favorites]
"He'd be mad he was working so late." I wonder if lunch theft is often a symptom of workers taking out their frustrations on targets of convenience (emphasis mine). They feel oppressed by their employer (late hours, stagnant wages, etc) but can't confront management directly, so they steal from fellow workers.
Boy, oh BOY. does that feels familiar, you know? In any number of more... political... ways.
Just sayin'.
posted by droplet at 9:16 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Boy, oh BOY. does that feels familiar, you know? In any number of more... political... ways.
Just sayin'.
posted by droplet at 9:16 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Also:
Reader, I suddenly paused and did not take that money out of the box. I also handed off being treasurer as soon as I could.
This is what integrity looks like.
posted by davejay at 9:21 AM on November 19, 2018 [51 favorites]
Reader, I suddenly paused and did not take that money out of the box. I also handed off being treasurer as soon as I could.
This is what integrity looks like.
posted by davejay at 9:21 AM on November 19, 2018 [51 favorites]
previously
oh my god what a satisfying ending to an infuriating tale
posted by poffin boffin at 9:22 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
oh my god what a satisfying ending to an infuriating tale
posted by poffin boffin at 9:22 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
-Well paid programmer dude can afford to buy his own stuff
-Takes your stuff because he wants it and it's convenient
Guys I think I cracked the mysterious condition plaguing the Robs of our office kitchens and I don't think it's being oppressed.
posted by prewar lemonade at 9:22 AM on November 19, 2018 [24 favorites]
-Takes your stuff because he wants it and it's convenient
Guys I think I cracked the mysterious condition plaguing the Robs of our office kitchens and I don't think it's being oppressed.
posted by prewar lemonade at 9:22 AM on November 19, 2018 [24 favorites]
> oh my god what a satisfying ending to an infuriating tale
That was perhaps a more ethical solution than the person I knew in university who told me he started peeing in the orange juice his housemate(s) wouldn't stop stealing.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:26 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
That was perhaps a more ethical solution than the person I knew in university who told me he started peeing in the orange juice his housemate(s) wouldn't stop stealing.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:26 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
My first thought on hearing someone is stealing lunches is...people are weird. God only knows WTF is in that thing you're stealing.
Yes, friends: a loathing of mayo is the only thing which has kept me on the straight-and-narrow.
posted by maxwelton at 9:30 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Yes, friends: a loathing of mayo is the only thing which has kept me on the straight-and-narrow.
posted by maxwelton at 9:30 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
previously
We used to have threads about derails and crankiness. Now we have Fucking Fuck XXIX: Bile Duct Overload. #nostalgia
posted by Molesome at 9:30 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
We used to have threads about derails and crankiness. Now we have Fucking Fuck XXIX: Bile Duct Overload. #nostalgia
posted by Molesome at 9:30 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
also where is that twitter thread livetweeting the discovery of a lunch thrower-awayer who was caught in the act and utterly unrepentant bc that was glorious.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:33 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 9:33 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
This is what integrity looks like.
I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you, davejay. We didn't all go to Gudger College.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:37 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you, davejay. We didn't all go to Gudger College.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:37 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
She explains that she's no better than Rob because she grabbed a bunch of tampons from the office to take home but I don't think that's the same at all; taking stuff from a company, especially when there's a bunch of the same object there for you to take*, is extremely different from taking something from an individual, especially if it's something they'll definitely notice is missing and can't easily replace in the moment and that will cause them frustration and disappointment when they realize it's gone. These are extremely different!
*Especially ESPECIALLY when they are something like menstrual products that are a necessity but are frequently taxed as luxury items when they should be available free of charge to everyone, fuck capitalism
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:37 AM on November 19, 2018 [43 favorites]
*Especially ESPECIALLY when they are something like menstrual products that are a necessity but are frequently taxed as luxury items when they should be available free of charge to everyone, fuck capitalism
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:37 AM on November 19, 2018 [43 favorites]
“Everybody’s got something they do that they can justify and feel is okay,” says Markman. “It might not be lunch stealing. But there’s always some rule that you personally feel you can violate. And the thing about that kind of rule violation is there’s always going to be somebody else who doesn’t understand how you could possibly do that.”
I read this a few weeks ago and the quote above has really stuck with me since.
posted by terretu at 9:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
I read this a few weeks ago and the quote above has really stuck with me since.
posted by terretu at 9:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
Oh crap. The word in the scene was "dignity" and not "integrity."
*Simpsons expert card revoked*
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
*Simpsons expert card revoked*
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:40 AM on November 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
Yesss, the shrimp fried rice lunch thief, we hates them.
posted by rewil at 9:41 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by rewil at 9:41 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
related AskAManager: a coworker stole my spicy food, got sick, and is blaming me
update: update: a coworker stole my spicy food, got sick, and is blaming me
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [63 favorites]
update: update: a coworker stole my spicy food, got sick, and is blaming me
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:44 AM on November 19, 2018 [63 favorites]
That was perhaps a more ethical solution than the person I knew in university who told me he started peeing in the orange juice his housemate(s) wouldn't stop stealing.
I think it was a William Gibson book that suggested writing “MILK EXPERIMENT” on cartons of milk that you don’t want to be stolen? Wherever I read it - it really does work.
posted by chappell, ambrose at 9:45 AM on November 19, 2018 [16 favorites]
I think it was a William Gibson book that suggested writing “MILK EXPERIMENT” on cartons of milk that you don’t want to be stolen? Wherever I read it - it really does work.
posted by chappell, ambrose at 9:45 AM on November 19, 2018 [16 favorites]
The self-appointed kitchen cleaners who ruthlessly purged our shared office fridge were terrible thieves, throwing away packaged food, dishes, and containers for lack of a label at 2:00 on a random day every other week. That they feel morally good about disposing of other people's property with limited notice (because they're 'cleaning') makes them even worse to my eye than the Robs of the world.
rip pyrex lunch container, your 5 hours of fridge time burned too bright for this world
posted by palindromic at 9:52 AM on November 19, 2018 [17 favorites]
rip pyrex lunch container, your 5 hours of fridge time burned too bright for this world
posted by palindromic at 9:52 AM on November 19, 2018 [17 favorites]
the spicy food thief update made me throw my head back and cackle like ursula the sea witch
posted by poffin boffin at 9:56 AM on November 19, 2018 [18 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 9:56 AM on November 19, 2018 [18 favorites]
So the takeaway we’re supposed to get is that workers should organize their workplaces to seize the means of production so they aren’t subject to long, tedious hours and driven to commit escalating petty threat against each other?
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
I am also fascinated with this behavior and would like to proffer some archival evidence. The following is an email sent out company-wide a few years ago. For bonus points I've included a related item about misuse of the garbage disposal:
I think the reason this has such a dis-proportionate effect is because in this case, my company is actually a very pleasant place to work for, people are friendly, there is a notable lack of workplace drama, people do their jobs, etc.. But this type of behavior makes you question *everything* because really, who the hell would steal or intentionally damage anyone's property. Yes, I read the article, but I'm not buying the explanation: your co-workers are supposed to be your "teammates" and sowing seeds of mistrust by stealing and/or damaging items is a sign of deep-seated psychological issues.
posted by jeremias at 10:04 AM on November 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
I've refrained from sending this email for weeks now, but due to the continued (daily) complaints, it is necessary:Btw, regarding that second point, apparently after that last email, someone purposefully put a pen in the disposal, which ended up breaking it and there was talk of installing a security camera over the sink.(!)
1) (Our company) happily provides coffee, creamer, milk/soy products, as well as the fruit and nuts on the counter-tops. Items in the fridge (labeled or not) are someone's personal belongings. If you did not buy/bring it, don't eat it. The number of times people have come to me and said that their "labeled" lunch was taken is quite disturbing.
2) We've already had to have the garbage disposal serviced twice and we've only been in our space a full month. Plastic cutlery, straws, napkins, pens and labels (yes, pens & labels) are NOT items that should be put in there.
I think the reason this has such a dis-proportionate effect is because in this case, my company is actually a very pleasant place to work for, people are friendly, there is a notable lack of workplace drama, people do their jobs, etc.. But this type of behavior makes you question *everything* because really, who the hell would steal or intentionally damage anyone's property. Yes, I read the article, but I'm not buying the explanation: your co-workers are supposed to be your "teammates" and sowing seeds of mistrust by stealing and/or damaging items is a sign of deep-seated psychological issues.
posted by jeremias at 10:04 AM on November 19, 2018 [9 favorites]
I've always found it much simpler to wave away any such "why would people do that" kind of question by reminding myself that honestly, some people are just shit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:08 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:08 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Yeah, I think Rob is a sociopath. His explanation for why he stole other people's food is childish, because children are little sociopaths themselves. He does not consider his coworkers to be people the same way he is a person. It's telling that when Heaney was trying to come up with relatable examples of times that she stole from someone, she really couldn't. Using a school printer for personal projects is not illegal. Neither is taking extra tampons from a free company supply.
posted by muddgirl at 10:16 AM on November 19, 2018 [26 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 10:16 AM on November 19, 2018 [26 favorites]
At this juncture in history, frankly, we should all be a lot more willing to admit that some people really are just scumbags. Some in big ways, others in small ways, but still on the scumbag spectrum and we should just say it to their faces.
Dude is a scumbag. Say so.
posted by aramaic at 10:21 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
Dude is a scumbag. Say so.
posted by aramaic at 10:21 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
"These are extremely different!"
Obviously, different things are different. But my life experience, learned the hard way, is that it is very easy to self-servingly focus on the "it's a totally different situation" part and not stop and ask yourself the hard question, "in what ways is it similar?"
Basically, what I've learned is that a whole lot of conventions and courtesies and apparently small, taken-for-granted ethical rules is that underneath there's usually a good reason for them; specifically, someone else will be hurt in some (not necessarily self-apparent) way.
I feel like I'm over-explaining something obvious but I guess what I'm saying is that there have been a few times when I did something I wasn't "supposed" to do, thinking it was no big deal, and then later realized that while it may not have been a big deal in the way I was thinking, it turned out that someone was hurt and I should have understand that. So I try harder to ask myself what things I'm not taking into consideration, how other people might be hurt.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:22 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Obviously, different things are different. But my life experience, learned the hard way, is that it is very easy to self-servingly focus on the "it's a totally different situation" part and not stop and ask yourself the hard question, "in what ways is it similar?"
Basically, what I've learned is that a whole lot of conventions and courtesies and apparently small, taken-for-granted ethical rules is that underneath there's usually a good reason for them; specifically, someone else will be hurt in some (not necessarily self-apparent) way.
I feel like I'm over-explaining something obvious but I guess what I'm saying is that there have been a few times when I did something I wasn't "supposed" to do, thinking it was no big deal, and then later realized that while it may not have been a big deal in the way I was thinking, it turned out that someone was hurt and I should have understand that. So I try harder to ask myself what things I'm not taking into consideration, how other people might be hurt.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:22 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
I think it was a William Gibson book that suggested writing “MILK EXPERIMENT” on cartons of milk that you don’t want to be stolen? Wherever I read it - it really does work.
One of the nurses I work with brought her drinks to work in the same container she used when she was nursing a newborn, prominently labeled “breast milk.”
posted by TedW at 10:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
One of the nurses I work with brought her drinks to work in the same container she used when she was nursing a newborn, prominently labeled “breast milk.”
posted by TedW at 10:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
or even just an oddly shaped jar labeled SPECIMEN
posted by poffin boffin at 10:55 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 10:55 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
File this next to "people who randomly poop in public places." There are apparently tons and tons of antisocial people out there wearing the veneer of humanity until such point as they can steal your lunch or poop on the floor of a dressing room. Those of us for whom these acts are unfathomable tend to assume these people are rare (because only absolute one-in-a-million assholes do these things, right?!). They are not rare.
posted by soren_lorensen at 11:14 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by soren_lorensen at 11:14 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
Earlier this year Scotland’s favourite soft drink company changed the recipe of Irn Bru. There was much wailing and gnashing of fuzzy teeth. The hospitality team at my work gave us a couple of crates and we stored them away in order to sell them nearer xmas (currently selling on eBay for £49.99 a crate)
We planned on using the proceeds towards xmas drinks.
Last week I went to get them from storage and it turned out a colleague had tanned the lot and was totally unrepentant. He knew. He is now dead to me.
posted by gnuhavenpier at 11:14 AM on November 19, 2018 [18 favorites]
We planned on using the proceeds towards xmas drinks.
Last week I went to get them from storage and it turned out a colleague had tanned the lot and was totally unrepentant. He knew. He is now dead to me.
posted by gnuhavenpier at 11:14 AM on November 19, 2018 [18 favorites]
Yeah, I think Rob is a sociopath [...] He does not consider his coworkers to be people the same way he is a person
Or maybe he's just sufficiently alienated from them ... for reasons. Which I believe we all are to some degree in some situations. I mean, I don't consciously think of everybody I'm going to poison every time I put fuel in my car, not to mention all the species I'm helping driving to extinction.
We have no idea who this guy is outside of this one rather awful habit he's gotten himself into.
posted by philip-random at 11:21 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
Or maybe he's just sufficiently alienated from them ... for reasons. Which I believe we all are to some degree in some situations. I mean, I don't consciously think of everybody I'm going to poison every time I put fuel in my car, not to mention all the species I'm helping driving to extinction.
We have no idea who this guy is outside of this one rather awful habit he's gotten himself into.
posted by philip-random at 11:21 AM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Could someone somewhere disapprove?" is not a useful metric for determining ethical behaviour for reasons that should be obvious to anyone who has been on the internet. A much better question is 'How much harm am I causing?"
Taking tampons from work, especially those that have been put out to be taken, harms no one. Taking someone's lunch means the victim needs to either starve or spend additional money. The two are not at all equivalent.
As for Rob, taking someones soda or snacks is pretty shitty, but not as shitty as depriving someone of a meal. You still shouldn't do it though.
posted by iamnotangry at 11:27 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Taking tampons from work, especially those that have been put out to be taken, harms no one. Taking someone's lunch means the victim needs to either starve or spend additional money. The two are not at all equivalent.
As for Rob, taking someones soda or snacks is pretty shitty, but not as shitty as depriving someone of a meal. You still shouldn't do it though.
posted by iamnotangry at 11:27 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
Years ago, my boss stole my lunch, and it was the least shitty thing I saw him do that summer.
posted by emelenjr at 11:29 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 11:29 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I mean, I don't consciously think of everybody I'm going to poison every time I put fuel in my car, not to mention all the species I'm helping driving to extinction.
it is extremely hard for the human brain to consider harm on this scale, particularly on a daily, minute-by-minute basis, for sure
it is extremely easy to go 'hey, if i take someone's lunch, they will be harmed by my action, and there is not even an obvious benefit to me'
rob evidently can't be arsed to do that, ergo rob is an asshole
posted by halation at 11:31 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
it is extremely hard for the human brain to consider harm on this scale, particularly on a daily, minute-by-minute basis, for sure
it is extremely easy to go 'hey, if i take someone's lunch, they will be harmed by my action, and there is not even an obvious benefit to me'
rob evidently can't be arsed to do that, ergo rob is an asshole
posted by halation at 11:31 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
As for Rob, taking someones soda or snacks is pretty shitty, but not as shitty as depriving someone of a meal.
He did take frozen meals.
posted by muddgirl at 11:32 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
He did take frozen meals.
posted by muddgirl at 11:32 AM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
How about we talk about the motherfuckers that steal the CAN OPENER!?!?!
You use it, you leave it there, you use it tomorrow. No, instead you walk off with it. What the fuck?
posted by notsnot at 11:33 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
You use it, you leave it there, you use it tomorrow. No, instead you walk off with it. What the fuck?
posted by notsnot at 11:33 AM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
These comments could all be Good Placed. It's extremely hard to be a Doug Forcett. Stealing a lunch is such an Eleanor move. Jason would take the can opener.
Stealing does happen in unionized environments (my experience: universities - a wallet went missing, even, in a location where the presence of students would have been unusual). Honestly I think the lowest-paid groups of people I've worked with have been the non-thieves, as they realize the lunch owner may not be able to replace it.
posted by wellred at 11:42 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Stealing does happen in unionized environments (my experience: universities - a wallet went missing, even, in a location where the presence of students would have been unusual). Honestly I think the lowest-paid groups of people I've worked with have been the non-thieves, as they realize the lunch owner may not be able to replace it.
posted by wellred at 11:42 AM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
jason would put the whole unopened can in the microwave and find the results so awesome that he would call in others to watch him do it again
posted by poffin boffin at 11:51 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:51 AM on November 19, 2018 [19 favorites]
Boooooortles!
posted by gauche at 11:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by gauche at 11:54 AM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
I really wanted the author of this piece to try stealing a lunch and for it to descend into a Crime and Punishment situation.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:59 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:59 AM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I read the article but I still don't know why the lotion thief or thieves struck my desk five times!
posted by Calzephyr at 12:20 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Calzephyr at 12:20 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
One evening I thought to myself, "oh, I need some cash for something, I'll just take $20 out of the cashbox and put it back the next time I go to the bank". Reader, I suddenly paused and did not take that money out of the box.
That money was just resting in my account.
posted by trillian at 12:29 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
That money was just resting in my account.
posted by trillian at 12:29 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
Stealing my lunch was a really personal thing to do to me. Unlike stealing office supplies from the supply closet, or the bagel slicer from the kitchen, or harming the world by buying gasoline. Personal. So yeah, that person is an asshole, and I want him to know it.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:32 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:32 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
Lunch thief named 'Rob': Eponysterical.
posted by zaixfeep at 12:40 PM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by zaixfeep at 12:40 PM on November 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
This Is Just To Say
I have eaten the lunch
that was in the office fridge
that had your name on it
which you were probably saving for lunch
Forgive me
I'm an asshole
who doesn't give a shit
about anyone but myself
posted by Daily Alice at 12:41 PM on November 19, 2018 [24 favorites]
I have eaten the lunch
that was in the office fridge
that had your name on it
which you were probably saving for lunch
Forgive me
I'm an asshole
who doesn't give a shit
about anyone but myself
posted by Daily Alice at 12:41 PM on November 19, 2018 [24 favorites]
The self-appointed kitchen cleaners who ruthlessly purged our shared office fridge were terrible thieves, throwing away packaged food, dishes, and containers for lack of a label at 2:00 on a random day every other week.
Wait, it sounds like it is known that they do this, and items can be protected by labeling? If both of those things are true, then it seems like they are taking a decent approach to a thankless task, in the absence of which the fridge would gradually fill up with rotting abandoned food.
I've done the fridge reset at work, and I usually take a two-step approach: first I put Post-it notes on items I think are abandoned and warn everybody that those items have 48 hours to live, then I clear out the items that still have Post-its on them 48 hours later. I take this approach because we don't have a system, and I'm only doing this once every few months when the fridge has actually begun to stink or there's no room for anyone's lunch. Also, I'm afraid of pissing anyone off, and so is everybody else, which is why we don't have a system and nothing gets done until the situation is so bad that the guaranteed reaction is gratitude. I think we'd be better off if someone were willing to do a routine purge.
posted by aws17576 at 12:43 PM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
Wait, it sounds like it is known that they do this, and items can be protected by labeling? If both of those things are true, then it seems like they are taking a decent approach to a thankless task, in the absence of which the fridge would gradually fill up with rotting abandoned food.
I've done the fridge reset at work, and I usually take a two-step approach: first I put Post-it notes on items I think are abandoned and warn everybody that those items have 48 hours to live, then I clear out the items that still have Post-its on them 48 hours later. I take this approach because we don't have a system, and I'm only doing this once every few months when the fridge has actually begun to stink or there's no room for anyone's lunch. Also, I'm afraid of pissing anyone off, and so is everybody else, which is why we don't have a system and nothing gets done until the situation is so bad that the guaranteed reaction is gratitude. I think we'd be better off if someone were willing to do a routine purge.
posted by aws17576 at 12:43 PM on November 19, 2018 [4 favorites]
One of the longest email threads from when I worked at Google was a person complaining that someone had eaten their sandwich from the fridge. This was a sandwich they’d gotten for free in the cafeteria earlier that day. This led to a wide ranging discussion on the nature of property, why anybody would “steal” food at Google when it’s free and basically everywhere, etc.
posted by w0mbat at 12:43 PM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by w0mbat at 12:43 PM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
Last week I went to get them from storage and it turned out a colleague had tanned the lot and was totally unrepentant.
Take him to the small claims court. Seriously.
posted by Segundus at 12:45 PM on November 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
Take him to the small claims court. Seriously.
posted by Segundus at 12:45 PM on November 19, 2018 [6 favorites]
Clearly, a vast untapped market exists for fast-acting extra-strength Senokot infused American Cheese singles.
posted by zaixfeep at 1:01 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by zaixfeep at 1:01 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
There's nothing like the feeling of walking into the kitchen and seeing your sandwich disappearing into your colleague's mouth. There was a moment when I thought I couldn't possibly be seeing what I was seeing, and then rage flooded my heart.
"That was my sandwich," I eventually managed to say.
"Really? It was good."
He later bought me Chick-fil-A as an apology, which I enjoyed, but then I found out that the chickens are homophobic, so I was annoyed all over again.
I don't think stuffing your pockets with tampons is as bad as stealing food, but when you take more than your fair share, you're hurting the people you're supposed to share it with. I'm getting mine, fuck you is the way we live now, but it is not necessarily the best way.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:52 PM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
"That was my sandwich," I eventually managed to say.
"Really? It was good."
He later bought me Chick-fil-A as an apology, which I enjoyed, but then I found out that the chickens are homophobic, so I was annoyed all over again.
I don't think stuffing your pockets with tampons is as bad as stealing food, but when you take more than your fair share, you're hurting the people you're supposed to share it with. I'm getting mine, fuck you is the way we live now, but it is not necessarily the best way.
posted by betweenthebars at 1:52 PM on November 19, 2018 [8 favorites]
This might be the time to share the story of a coworker I had at Microsoft. He was working for the newly created MSNBC entity (the website) and worked on Microsoft campus proper.
One day, his mother was visiting him from out of town and staying at his condo in the heart of Seattle. She asked him 'why is all of your milk in small containers in your fridge' (answer: Microsoft provided small containers of milk for its employees to eat while at work). I'm still not certain what he told his mother. I can't imagine him stealing a coworkers lunch, however.
posted by el io at 2:10 PM on November 19, 2018
One day, his mother was visiting him from out of town and staying at his condo in the heart of Seattle. She asked him 'why is all of your milk in small containers in your fridge' (answer: Microsoft provided small containers of milk for its employees to eat while at work). I'm still not certain what he told his mother. I can't imagine him stealing a coworkers lunch, however.
posted by el io at 2:10 PM on November 19, 2018
As a fan of the Agent Carter show, I followed charisma-laden Hayley Atwell to another short-lived American TV series, Conviction.
In it, she plays a super-wealthy former First Daughter, a lawyer unwillingly put in charge of investigating wrongful convictions. Anyhow, the character is supposed to be winsomely self-involved and self-destructive, but the subplot that had her repeatedly stealing the paralegal's yogurt from the office fridge... I had such a visceral response. It was like watching a miracle in reverse - How to Make H. Atwell Loathsome, in Just Three Easy Scenes.
posted by Iris Gambol at 2:22 PM on November 19, 2018 [13 favorites]
In it, she plays a super-wealthy former First Daughter, a lawyer unwillingly put in charge of investigating wrongful convictions. Anyhow, the character is supposed to be winsomely self-involved and self-destructive, but the subplot that had her repeatedly stealing the paralegal's yogurt from the office fridge... I had such a visceral response. It was like watching a miracle in reverse - How to Make H. Atwell Loathsome, in Just Three Easy Scenes.
posted by Iris Gambol at 2:22 PM on November 19, 2018 [13 favorites]
Last week I went to get them from storage and it turned out a colleague had tanned the lot and was totally unrepentant.
Take him to the small claims court. Seriously.
Or regular court. This isn't "theft" because you hurt my feelings, this is straight up theft of several hundred pounds worth of property. How is that not a firing and prosecution offense?
posted by iamnotangry at 2:36 PM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
Take him to the small claims court. Seriously.
Or regular court. This isn't "theft" because you hurt my feelings, this is straight up theft of several hundred pounds worth of property. How is that not a firing and prosecution offense?
posted by iamnotangry at 2:36 PM on November 19, 2018 [11 favorites]
They feel oppressed by their employer (late hours, stagnant wages, etc) but can't confront management directly, so they steal from fellow workers.
Not food stories, but related.
My first job was at a large retailer and I became a bit of a klepto (from the store, not fellow employees) as a response to my first exposure to the adult world of pettiness, shitty treatment of subordinates, and the comic pointlessness of almost all work. I didn't put together why I was doing it until I had a few years of college and living away from home under my belt - I remember being surprised by what I was doing at the time.
Several years ago I was working as a massage therapist, which was wonderful and which I loved, but because it pays crap I had to live with 4 other roommates. One roommate always used another roommate's laundry detergent, so she put bleach in the container and waited for the fun. The day comes, all his clothes are ruined, there is a big argument, and the cops are called. These people were both in their 40s.
I'm back in the emotionally grinding corporate world now, but that allowed me to buy a house and live by myself, so now there is only one jerk to deal with. This is not unrelated to the above story. Of all middle class privileges I enjoy, the ability to occasionally dodge the fallout from the "quiet lives of desperation" of those I am not around voluntarily is up there on the list.
posted by MillMan at 3:26 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
Not food stories, but related.
My first job was at a large retailer and I became a bit of a klepto (from the store, not fellow employees) as a response to my first exposure to the adult world of pettiness, shitty treatment of subordinates, and the comic pointlessness of almost all work. I didn't put together why I was doing it until I had a few years of college and living away from home under my belt - I remember being surprised by what I was doing at the time.
Several years ago I was working as a massage therapist, which was wonderful and which I loved, but because it pays crap I had to live with 4 other roommates. One roommate always used another roommate's laundry detergent, so she put bleach in the container and waited for the fun. The day comes, all his clothes are ruined, there is a big argument, and the cops are called. These people were both in their 40s.
I'm back in the emotionally grinding corporate world now, but that allowed me to buy a house and live by myself, so now there is only one jerk to deal with. This is not unrelated to the above story. Of all middle class privileges I enjoy, the ability to occasionally dodge the fallout from the "quiet lives of desperation" of those I am not around voluntarily is up there on the list.
posted by MillMan at 3:26 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
Reader, I suddenly paused and did not take that money out of the box. I also handed off being treasurer as soon as I could.
This is what integrity looks like.
I have always felt that in some way it was basically unfair to put temptation in peoples way. I do believe in trust and appreciate honesty and rectitude but I also think that if you set up systems so that people don't have to rely on trust it is better for everyone involved. So when you have a fund raiser auction for instance don't make it really easy to skim off a couple bucks from the cash box because in some way it is not fair.
I think most embezzlement starts out small, often "borrowing" money to pay for a gambling habit but leads into unrecoverable land without ever really intending to do so. I was very wise of you to recognize that having a box of cash that isn't yours is challenging.
posted by Pembquist at 4:47 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
This is what integrity looks like.
I have always felt that in some way it was basically unfair to put temptation in peoples way. I do believe in trust and appreciate honesty and rectitude but I also think that if you set up systems so that people don't have to rely on trust it is better for everyone involved. So when you have a fund raiser auction for instance don't make it really easy to skim off a couple bucks from the cash box because in some way it is not fair.
I think most embezzlement starts out small, often "borrowing" money to pay for a gambling habit but leads into unrecoverable land without ever really intending to do so. I was very wise of you to recognize that having a box of cash that isn't yours is challenging.
posted by Pembquist at 4:47 PM on November 19, 2018 [5 favorites]
I had a relevant experience about thirty years ago at work. I walked down to the kitchen and noticed that a candy bar was hung up in the vending machine. I tilted the machine a couple times and dropped it, dislodging the bar. I poured myself some coffee and took the candy bar, figuring I'd walk back to my office and send out a companywide email telling whoever it was that I had it.
My the time I strolled back, after chatting in the hall with a couple people, there was a companywide email already from a coworker. The gist was "THE THIEF THAT STOLE MY CANDY CAN IMMEDIATELY RETURN IT TO MY OFFICE TO FACE MY RAGE AT THEIR MISBEHAVIOR." After brief reflection, I opened the wrapper and ate the candy.
That is the closest I've ever come to stealing a coworker's lunch.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 5:16 PM on November 19, 2018 [13 favorites]
My the time I strolled back, after chatting in the hall with a couple people, there was a companywide email already from a coworker. The gist was "THE THIEF THAT STOLE MY CANDY CAN IMMEDIATELY RETURN IT TO MY OFFICE TO FACE MY RAGE AT THEIR MISBEHAVIOR." After brief reflection, I opened the wrapper and ate the candy.
That is the closest I've ever come to stealing a coworker's lunch.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 5:16 PM on November 19, 2018 [13 favorites]
I read the article but I still don't know why the lotion thief or thieves struck my desk five times!
If we're getting into "things stolen from your desk," I can beat you all with the fact that someone stole MY MOUSE once. Said mouse had to be unplugged from the CPU that was sitting ON THE FLOOR and behind something in my cube. So this wasn't a casual unthinking little "oh, I need a thing...." *yoink* kind of act. The initial instinct may have been unthinking, but the execution would have required at least two minutes of crawling under a stranger's desk, unplugging their computer, possibly bonking one's head, and crawling back out. And the fact that someone did it anyway means that in all that time and going through all that hassle, the idea that "hey, you know, this isn't mine anyway" never occurred to them.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:33 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
If we're getting into "things stolen from your desk," I can beat you all with the fact that someone stole MY MOUSE once. Said mouse had to be unplugged from the CPU that was sitting ON THE FLOOR and behind something in my cube. So this wasn't a casual unthinking little "oh, I need a thing...." *yoink* kind of act. The initial instinct may have been unthinking, but the execution would have required at least two minutes of crawling under a stranger's desk, unplugging their computer, possibly bonking one's head, and crawling back out. And the fact that someone did it anyway means that in all that time and going through all that hassle, the idea that "hey, you know, this isn't mine anyway" never occurred to them.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:33 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
So - my work friend left me some pizza (it was admittedly at her desk for a couple days, but I'm that kinda guy).
I get to work and don't see it, I ask her if she was gonna bring it over (I thought she was going to then, but apparently she did the other day).
I'm like, hrmm, somebody stole it! (It was like half a pizza!)
I then go to the bathroom later, and what do I see in the trash? THE PIZZABOX AND SOME OF THE PIZZA SLICES!
I posted on facebook :
"Bitches at work not only be stealing my pizza but DUMPING my pizza in the trash. I WILL GUT YOU."
Because I WILL. I SWEAR TO GOD. FUCK WITH MY PIZZA ONE MORE TIME. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. (ok, no - I won't. I don't want anyone to think I'm that upset over pizza, but seriously what kind of piece of shit...)
posted by symbioid at 6:48 PM on November 19, 2018
I get to work and don't see it, I ask her if she was gonna bring it over (I thought she was going to then, but apparently she did the other day).
I'm like, hrmm, somebody stole it! (It was like half a pizza!)
I then go to the bathroom later, and what do I see in the trash? THE PIZZABOX AND SOME OF THE PIZZA SLICES!
I posted on facebook :
"Bitches at work not only be stealing my pizza but DUMPING my pizza in the trash. I WILL GUT YOU."
Because I WILL. I SWEAR TO GOD. FUCK WITH MY PIZZA ONE MORE TIME. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. (ok, no - I won't. I don't want anyone to think I'm that upset over pizza, but seriously what kind of piece of shit...)
posted by symbioid at 6:48 PM on November 19, 2018
We have an iPad in a semi public area at work and its charger kept getting stolen (we guessed “borrowed” but not returned). So we cable tied the next one to a monitor cord.
Someone actually *cut* the cable tie and took it.
The newest one has at least ten cable ties on it. It will take a dedicated thief to get that one.
posted by telepanda at 7:14 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
Someone actually *cut* the cable tie and took it.
The newest one has at least ten cable ties on it. It will take a dedicated thief to get that one.
posted by telepanda at 7:14 PM on November 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
These are all the sort of problems that will be fixed nigh-immediately when I seize absolute power and become God Emperor -- my dreaded security services will run a series of stings in offices all around the world.
...anyone found stealing the delicious sandwich will also be found dead, due to the staggering dose of mycotoxin in said sandwich. Poisoned pizza, arc-blast decoy phone chargers, and many other frequently-humorous deaths await malefactors across my realm.
This is my promise to you, o my servitors. Vote accordingly, that I may take the burden of voting away from you and impose a whole new type of brutal schadenfreude upon you.
posted by aramaic at 7:55 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
...anyone found stealing the delicious sandwich will also be found dead, due to the staggering dose of mycotoxin in said sandwich. Poisoned pizza, arc-blast decoy phone chargers, and many other frequently-humorous deaths await malefactors across my realm.
This is my promise to you, o my servitors. Vote accordingly, that I may take the burden of voting away from you and impose a whole new type of brutal schadenfreude upon you.
posted by aramaic at 7:55 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
So... not one of you ever swiped any leftovers. Never ever ever?
posted by tirutiru at 9:36 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by tirutiru at 9:36 PM on November 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
What? No I've never taken a coworker's food without asking, not from their desk nor from the fridge. I've never taken a roommates food without asking, either, even when I had the munchies.
posted by muddgirl at 10:02 PM on November 19, 2018 [18 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 10:02 PM on November 19, 2018 [18 favorites]
So... not one of you ever swiped any leftovers. Never ever ever?
obviously everyone is different and idk how it is for you but for me it is actually pretty easy not to steal things that belong to my friends and/or coworkers.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:34 PM on November 19, 2018 [25 favorites]
obviously everyone is different and idk how it is for you but for me it is actually pretty easy not to steal things that belong to my friends and/or coworkers.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:34 PM on November 19, 2018 [25 favorites]
No. I have never taken someone else's food.
I had my food stolen out of our communal fridge at work last year and it enraged me to a degree that surprised even me. I would recount the grievance of my pilfered lunches to anyone who would stand still long enough to listen. I probably told the story to the lunch thief themselves, come to think of it. And I hope they felt terrible about it.
At this point in the conversation, I feel bad. And after talking to Art Markman, a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin, I know why: I may never have stolen a lunch from a co-worker, but I am no better than Rob. I’m simply bad in a different way.
No! No you are not! And I am not! Fuck that bullshit! I'm tired of these damned false equivalencies. Rob is a shitbag because he stole people's lunches. You are not a shitbag for printing things and taking free tampons home. What are you even talking about??
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:02 PM on November 19, 2018 [25 favorites]
I had my food stolen out of our communal fridge at work last year and it enraged me to a degree that surprised even me. I would recount the grievance of my pilfered lunches to anyone who would stand still long enough to listen. I probably told the story to the lunch thief themselves, come to think of it. And I hope they felt terrible about it.
At this point in the conversation, I feel bad. And after talking to Art Markman, a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin, I know why: I may never have stolen a lunch from a co-worker, but I am no better than Rob. I’m simply bad in a different way.
No! No you are not! And I am not! Fuck that bullshit! I'm tired of these damned false equivalencies. Rob is a shitbag because he stole people's lunches. You are not a shitbag for printing things and taking free tampons home. What are you even talking about??
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:02 PM on November 19, 2018 [25 favorites]
The only time I ever worked in an office we had a separate Communal Fridge and a Your Personal Lunches fridges and no, I never felt tempted to take my co-workers mystery lunches when there was a communal resource of mini champmage bottles and finger sandwiches in the other fridge.
Give us Bread but give us Rosè.
posted by The Whelk at 11:07 PM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
Give us Bread but give us Rosè.
posted by The Whelk at 11:07 PM on November 19, 2018 [7 favorites]
I have never in my life stolen other people’s food, no.
posted by winna at 5:20 AM on November 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by winna at 5:20 AM on November 20, 2018 [5 favorites]
Oh thanks so much guys, for putting me on a blacklist with all the Robs.
Having finally read the article, yeah the author is searching too hard for the mote in her own eye. She didn't cross the same line that Rob did and he should feel worse about himself than he does.
Now, lifelong victims with the revenge fantasies, take a number and wait for your turn.
posted by tirutiru at 5:27 AM on November 20, 2018
Having finally read the article, yeah the author is searching too hard for the mote in her own eye. She didn't cross the same line that Rob did and he should feel worse about himself than he does.
Now, lifelong victims with the revenge fantasies, take a number and wait for your turn.
posted by tirutiru at 5:27 AM on November 20, 2018
Bitches at work not only be stealing my pizza but DUMPING my pizza in the trash
Someone put the pizza that had been sitting at someone's desk for "a couple days" in the trash, just purely for the hell of it! Just to mess with you.
posted by thelonius at 6:10 AM on November 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
Someone put the pizza that had been sitting at someone's desk for "a couple days" in the trash, just purely for the hell of it! Just to mess with you.
posted by thelonius at 6:10 AM on November 20, 2018 [7 favorites]
I am an only child raised by another only child (mother) and a middle sibling (father). My parents were very much into the idea of Right and Wrong and I learned early on that I would always be held responsible for my actions. My father grew up with Depression parents and therefore, even though they weren't poor, spare dimes for sweet treats like candy bars were few and far between. My mother did grow up poor and so she had the same delight in the simplicity of a Snickers or a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie. As a result, we had a candy drawer in our kitchen. I was allowed to take from the candy drawer at will, but I was not, under any circumstances to take the last of anything without asking. Even if it was the last packet of sour gummy worms, and I was the only one who ate them.
One day, after school and before both parents were home, I found my self on the floor in front of the candy drawer faced with a horrible choice. There were only singles of all the treats. One oatmeal cream pie, one Ding Dong, one mini Snickers, and one single Reese's. I knew the rule, but I also desperately wanted that damn Reese's. I finally rationalized that neither parent would know if I took the last one, there are three people in the house, it could be any of us. So I ate it.
Five minutes after my parents got home, I heard my father bellow my full name through the house, and demand to know if I'd eaten the last Reese's. Faced with his ire, I shamefully admitted it. Yes, I'd eaten the Reese's. I did ask how they knew it was me and was told that early on in their marriage because she was an only and didn't really have to deal with sharing and he was a middle child and was grabbing what he could so that he could have anything that they would make an agreement that would balance their normal urges. They decided that they would always decide the last treat eating together, regardless of everything else. Their marriage was built on the foundation that you do not eat the last thing without checking with your partner.
I lost tv and candy drawer privileges for two weeks and I have never, ever, ever taken food that wasn't mine since. Additionally, I still ask if someone wants the last thing before I take it.
posted by teleri025 at 7:05 AM on November 20, 2018 [10 favorites]
One day, after school and before both parents were home, I found my self on the floor in front of the candy drawer faced with a horrible choice. There were only singles of all the treats. One oatmeal cream pie, one Ding Dong, one mini Snickers, and one single Reese's. I knew the rule, but I also desperately wanted that damn Reese's. I finally rationalized that neither parent would know if I took the last one, there are three people in the house, it could be any of us. So I ate it.
Five minutes after my parents got home, I heard my father bellow my full name through the house, and demand to know if I'd eaten the last Reese's. Faced with his ire, I shamefully admitted it. Yes, I'd eaten the Reese's. I did ask how they knew it was me and was told that early on in their marriage because she was an only and didn't really have to deal with sharing and he was a middle child and was grabbing what he could so that he could have anything that they would make an agreement that would balance their normal urges. They decided that they would always decide the last treat eating together, regardless of everything else. Their marriage was built on the foundation that you do not eat the last thing without checking with your partner.
I lost tv and candy drawer privileges for two weeks and I have never, ever, ever taken food that wasn't mine since. Additionally, I still ask if someone wants the last thing before I take it.
posted by teleri025 at 7:05 AM on November 20, 2018 [10 favorites]
One day at work, I walked back to the fridge to retrieve my lunch, only to find a coworker standing there, eating my lunch. (Data points: She is a local cop's daughter. And a loud and proud Christian.) I exploded at this coworker, gave her the "WTF is wrong with you that makes you think this is okay?" rant. (Her excuse: "I was hungry.") She went to the owners, saying I totally over-reacted and was verbally abusing her. When the owners got the full story, they gave her the "WTF is wrong with you that makes you think this is okay?" rant, and demanded she apologize to me and replace the lunch.
The next day, I brought my lunch in a metal lunch box, wrapped in about 20 feet of chain, secured with a padlock. It took up about half the fridge. Later, when she arrived for her shift, from the back room where the fridge is, I hear "...Really?"
Thieves are human garbage.
posted by xedrik at 7:10 AM on November 20, 2018 [16 favorites]
The next day, I brought my lunch in a metal lunch box, wrapped in about 20 feet of chain, secured with a padlock. It took up about half the fridge. Later, when she arrived for her shift, from the back room where the fridge is, I hear "...Really?"
Thieves are human garbage.
posted by xedrik at 7:10 AM on November 20, 2018 [16 favorites]
From a 2003 episode of Peep Show where Big Suze has helped herself to the guys' leftover pizza and Jeremy excuses her like so,
"Big Suze was hungry. She's rich. She doesn't understand about not taking people's stuff."posted by paper chromatographologist at 7:23 AM on November 20, 2018 [8 favorites]
teleri025: I may be misreading the tone of your post but that story just sounds horrible to me. That is such a huge burden to place on a child.
At the very least I would lash out as a teen by eating the last piece every single time and daring the consequences.
posted by tirutiru at 7:56 AM on November 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
At the very least I would lash out as a teen by eating the last piece every single time and daring the consequences.
posted by tirutiru at 7:56 AM on November 20, 2018 [6 favorites]
So... not one of you ever swiped any leftovers. Never ever ever?
posted by tirutiru at 12:36 AM on November 20 [1 favorite +] [!]
That you Rob?
posted by numaner at 10:16 AM on November 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by tirutiru at 12:36 AM on November 20 [1 favorite +] [!]
That you Rob?
posted by numaner at 10:16 AM on November 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
I used to bring these big cans of soy milk into work and drink as part of my lunch, I would have 2-3 cans in the shared fridge at a time and eventually they started to go missing. I even started writing my initials on the can in markers and that didn't stop them. It's a big cubicle farm and I had no idea who was doing it. It was super annoying.
posted by numaner at 10:18 AM on November 20, 2018
posted by numaner at 10:18 AM on November 20, 2018
i have found that the casual friendquaintance thief mindset can be something like "well they had 3 cans! i had none! so it's fair! they can clearly afford to buy more!"
posted by poffin boffin at 12:30 PM on November 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 12:30 PM on November 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
So last year a memo went around the lab, recounting the lengthy and detailed story of how someone, to eke out their pennies, had bought a six-pack of supermarket own-brand cola instead of Coca-Cola, and stored it in the office fridge.
How though they imbibed rarely, that cola was the one sweet moment in their toilsome life. Which they saved for only the most special of occasions, which might be months or years apart.
The most recent of these occasions was the passing of their PhD viva. Roll out the barrel, right? They went to the fridge and found their cans of cola were gone, all six of them.
Whereupon they made the point, most forcefully and robustly, that taking cans of cola from the fridge was *stealing*. That there were one or more *thieves* on the premises.
======
The following Christmas, I brought a box of candy to work and laid it out on the counter, open, for people to help themselves.
Came back 24 hours later and nobody had touched any of them. I sent out a department-wide memo, but it was Xmas Eve at that point and there was almost no-one around. One guy sent me a thank-you email, I'm pretty sure he had them all to himself.
======
We do have a pretty strong union, make of that what you will.
posted by tel3path at 1:09 PM on November 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
How though they imbibed rarely, that cola was the one sweet moment in their toilsome life. Which they saved for only the most special of occasions, which might be months or years apart.
The most recent of these occasions was the passing of their PhD viva. Roll out the barrel, right? They went to the fridge and found their cans of cola were gone, all six of them.
Whereupon they made the point, most forcefully and robustly, that taking cans of cola from the fridge was *stealing*. That there were one or more *thieves* on the premises.
======
The following Christmas, I brought a box of candy to work and laid it out on the counter, open, for people to help themselves.
Came back 24 hours later and nobody had touched any of them. I sent out a department-wide memo, but it was Xmas Eve at that point and there was almost no-one around. One guy sent me a thank-you email, I'm pretty sure he had them all to himself.
======
We do have a pretty strong union, make of that what you will.
posted by tel3path at 1:09 PM on November 20, 2018 [3 favorites]
early on in their marriage because she was an only and didn't really have to deal with sharing and he was a middle child and was grabbing what he could so that he could have anything that they would make an agreement that would balance their normal urges.
a. ok your parents needed to chill on this and just make it about the last piece of candy, not the last piece of x kind of candy. Jesus.
b. I did have to deal with the fact that as a youngest I was raised with a grab-it ethics and my son as an only took exception to this; even if he hadn't touched the leftover in two days it could not be mine. I think that's excessive but on the other hand, don't see the need to teach him "take what you like!" as a lesson, so now I just go out and get myself my own treats, because I'm an adult and I have that power.
posted by emjaybee at 1:27 PM on November 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
a. ok your parents needed to chill on this and just make it about the last piece of candy, not the last piece of x kind of candy. Jesus.
b. I did have to deal with the fact that as a youngest I was raised with a grab-it ethics and my son as an only took exception to this; even if he hadn't touched the leftover in two days it could not be mine. I think that's excessive but on the other hand, don't see the need to teach him "take what you like!" as a lesson, so now I just go out and get myself my own treats, because I'm an adult and I have that power.
posted by emjaybee at 1:27 PM on November 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
In my last job, I came back from my honeymoon to an email from a colleague, telling me there's a brick of coffee hidden beside my monitor, and she followed up in person: "I borrowed some from your desk while you were off. Are you sure it's Lavazza? It wasn't very nice." It is the greatest thing that's ever happened at work.
I really don't mind someone borrowing a scoop of coffee or a theoretical teabag but, because of the "I'll replace it" loop people mention about cans and cash and whatever, I just wouldn't do it unless we got snowed in at work or something.
posted by carbide at 2:04 AM on November 21, 2018
I really don't mind someone borrowing a scoop of coffee or a theoretical teabag but, because of the "I'll replace it" loop people mention about cans and cash and whatever, I just wouldn't do it unless we got snowed in at work or something.
posted by carbide at 2:04 AM on November 21, 2018
My college just got a new principal and the very first communication she had with everyone was an email like "Hi, I'm Jane Intelligentsia your new principal, and it is totally beyond the pale that someone is stealing people's food from the fridges"
I have never met Jane Intelligentsia. Jane Intelligentsia has never sent me a mass invitation to a thing, like I used to get. Babs Cleverly, the old principal, used to invite people in batches to her house for mince pies and tree-trimmings, but I don't think Jane Intelligentsia will be doing that.
I suppose if I ever did meet Jane Intelligentsia I would say "Hi, I'm Tel3path Alien, and I would like to assure you that I have not now nor will I ever steal anyone's food from any fridge."
Just musing on the topic of having 100% sympathy with the content of the message while being put off by the style. This seems to have come up for me a few times lately.
When I was an undergrad someone put a note on the fridge saying their food had been stolen and if anyone else had had their food stolen, could they write it on the attached list? Other people wrote on the list "1 tin beluga caviar" and "1/4 lb foie gras" and no-one else added to it, so the reaction was one of complete sarcasm from everyone else. I guess, a cool person was one who would accept their food being stolen and never comment on it? Come to think of it that was probably the biggest lesson I learned in undergrad, that in order to be socially acceptable you must not give much of a shit about anything, and if you complained about having your food stolen, or being stood up or whatever, the problem was obviously you. And there is a lot of truth in that, from my point of view at least. I've never had much success in trying to be assertive. The trick is to set boundaries without words.
What would I do, what would I actually do, if I stored cola in the fridge and everyone drank it? I'm possibly more non-confrontational than is good for me, so I'd probably just stop storing cola in the fridge. In fact it would never occur to me to store cola in the fridge in the first place.
I also don't pack my lunch as often as I should but I'd be right furious if anyone stole it, because really??? A gloppy plastic container of lentils? I would probably start buying juice boxes and packing a frozen one up against the food in my bag.
But then I would be one less person raising awareness about the lunch bandit, and what if everyone did what I did? There would be one very fat person in the lab and a lot of very very thin people
posted by tel3path at 10:28 AM on November 21, 2018
I have never met Jane Intelligentsia. Jane Intelligentsia has never sent me a mass invitation to a thing, like I used to get. Babs Cleverly, the old principal, used to invite people in batches to her house for mince pies and tree-trimmings, but I don't think Jane Intelligentsia will be doing that.
I suppose if I ever did meet Jane Intelligentsia I would say "Hi, I'm Tel3path Alien, and I would like to assure you that I have not now nor will I ever steal anyone's food from any fridge."
Just musing on the topic of having 100% sympathy with the content of the message while being put off by the style. This seems to have come up for me a few times lately.
When I was an undergrad someone put a note on the fridge saying their food had been stolen and if anyone else had had their food stolen, could they write it on the attached list? Other people wrote on the list "1 tin beluga caviar" and "1/4 lb foie gras" and no-one else added to it, so the reaction was one of complete sarcasm from everyone else. I guess, a cool person was one who would accept their food being stolen and never comment on it? Come to think of it that was probably the biggest lesson I learned in undergrad, that in order to be socially acceptable you must not give much of a shit about anything, and if you complained about having your food stolen, or being stood up or whatever, the problem was obviously you. And there is a lot of truth in that, from my point of view at least. I've never had much success in trying to be assertive. The trick is to set boundaries without words.
What would I do, what would I actually do, if I stored cola in the fridge and everyone drank it? I'm possibly more non-confrontational than is good for me, so I'd probably just stop storing cola in the fridge. In fact it would never occur to me to store cola in the fridge in the first place.
I also don't pack my lunch as often as I should but I'd be right furious if anyone stole it, because really??? A gloppy plastic container of lentils? I would probably start buying juice boxes and packing a frozen one up against the food in my bag.
But then I would be one less person raising awareness about the lunch bandit, and what if everyone did what I did? There would be one very fat person in the lab and a lot of very very thin people
posted by tel3path at 10:28 AM on November 21, 2018
I have to say, the idea that posting a sign or sending an email saying DON'T STEAL THINGS THAT AREN'T YOURS is passive-aggressive makes me both laugh and shake my head. That's not passive-aggressive, that's just assertive. Passive-aggressive is getting the boss to send an all-hands email about how "because some people can't respect others, the new policy is [whatever]." Passive-aggressive is taped-up notes about how "since SOME PEOPLE obviously DON'T CARE about others…"
Also, I'd like to go on record as having never stolen anybody else's food. It's not that hard.
posted by Lexica at 7:18 PM on November 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
Also, I'd like to go on record as having never stolen anybody else's food. It's not that hard.
posted by Lexica at 7:18 PM on November 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
I make ice cream. I make really delicious ice cream, and I'm proud of it, and I enjoy it. A few years ago I brought my creations to work to share with my team--twice--but they were stolen from the freezer before any of the intended recipients could try them. (My workplace is very large.)
I bought ex-lax chocolates and beet powder with the intention of making an intense dark chocolate ice cream that would cause the thief to shit red diarrhea, but I could never quite bring myself to do it.
posted by duffell at 4:18 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]
I bought ex-lax chocolates and beet powder with the intention of making an intense dark chocolate ice cream that would cause the thief to shit red diarrhea, but I could never quite bring myself to do it.
posted by duffell at 4:18 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]
If you have 6 bottles of salad dressing in the office fridge, I might use some because I forgot to bring any for my salad. One time, not daily. This does not deprive you of lunch, it's probably 2 cents' worth.
posted by theora55 at 8:00 PM on December 1, 2018
posted by theora55 at 8:00 PM on December 1, 2018
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